Apriling

Things were going along swimmingly on Sunday night as CBS broadcasted the 100th Billy Joel Concert from Madison Square Garden, taped a few days earlier. He went through his old classics, like “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” and “New York State of Mind,” and his new song, “Turn the Lights Back On.” Just as he was singing his signature song, “Piano Man,” to wrap up the show, CBS pulled the plug and abruptly went to a promo for the 11:00 news and a commercial for Bob’s Discount Furniture. Yes, the show started late due to the CBS telecast of the Masters golf tournament, but the CBS folks couldn’t have played the entire show and delayed the local news? It was like the “Heidi” game, where the Jets and the Raiders were playing a tight NFL game and NBC suddenly cut to its scheduled broadcast of “Heidi,” much to the outrage of football fans everywhere. CBS – you owe us one more song! Turn the lights back on!

It is 80 degrees as I write this on April 15. I guess it is safe to take the show brush and ice scraper out of the trunk of the car now.

I saw an online ad that promises a 50-pound weight loss in 3 weeks. I didn’t bother to check the details, because how could that not be possible? Everything you read online is accurate, right?

Since I last posted, we have had floods, terrible winds, an earthquake and aftershocks and a solar eclipse. Anything I missed? Can pestilence be far behind?

I wish I could say I HAVE a little behind instead of that I’m RUNNING a little behind!

In case you were wondering, it is possible to eat Girl Scout cookies directly from the freezer. No need to defrost. You’re welcome.

At my last eye injection I told the nurse I did not want to have a patch applied because I was planning to go to Walmart and I didn't want to look like a pirate. And then the doctor and nurse and I all laughed, because who would even notice me in Walmart with the way some of the customers dress?

My wardrobe ranges from casual to “she’s out in public in THAT?”

I can’t remember what I had for lunch last night, but if I am at a restaurant with a group, when the server comes to deliver the food, I know exactly who ordered what. Hamburger with no onions and sweet potato fries? That’s Mary. Soup and salad with dressing on the side? That’s Sally. Later I realize that I can’t remember what anyone wore, but I’m sure I got their orders straight.

Speaking of restaurants, one thing I can’t remember is what is on the list of specials. By the time the waiter recites the fourth dish and its ingredients, I have already forgotten the first one. What comes with the branzino? What is the soup du jour? Once everything is ordered, however, my superpower of remembering who is getting what returns. 

I don’t and never will understand why people wear nose rings, either hoops or studs. I just don’t get it.

Shouldn’t the term “extraordinary” mean really, really plain and NOT something complimentary?

Do the people in France eat French toast? And if they do, do they call it French toast or just toast?

And speaking of French, when people use words that are a little nasty, they say, “Pardon my French.” Do you think French people do the same thing but say, “Pardon my English?” All I know is that I took four years of French in high school and none of these words ever came up in class.

I’m spending more time looking for movies to watch – not series, movies – than I am spending watching them. Going through Netflix, Prime, Hulu, Apple TV+, Max, HBO, Paramount Plus, etc., is like a full-time job. You never get a raise and the job isn’t fun anymore, either. 

I’ll admit it – I watched “The Golden Bachelor,” the “reality” show where Gerry, a widower in his 70s, was given a bevy of “mature women” from whom to pick a bride. I didn’t want to watch it, but after the first episode, I was curious. In the end, I felt he picked the wrong woman, and another contestant who had to leave the show would have been a better choice than Theresa from New Jersey. But he made his choice, they were madly in love (or just mad, apparently) and happy to get married shortly thereafter with ABC picking up the tab for a lavish, televised wedding. I wanted them to have a happy ending. But here we are, just a few months after the “I Do’s” and they don’t. They are getting a divorce. I was shocked but given the lack of success for relationships that get started on a TV show, I should not have been. I wonder if he kept a few numbers of the women he didn’t pick – and whether they would even pick up the phone if he called. Apparently neither Gerry nor Theresa could figure out where they wanted to live and couldn’t compromise. So much for happily ever after.

You can tell it is spring. I just took the flannel sheets off the bed, retired the heated blanket AND bought ice cream. The ice cream came early this year. Way early.

I hear that Dollar Tree is raising its prices and will now sell items from $1.50 to $7 a piece. Maybe some of that money can go into a name change. “More Dollars Tree” anyone?

I have the bad habit of writing down phone numbers but not the names that go with them. I’m left with random scraps of paper and no idea whose number I wrote on them.

I’m sick of these dire weather forecasts warning of a storm. Then I read the story and see that precipitation totals are expected to be a tenth of an inch. Please!

I much prefer when the front of ShopRite is filled with pots of flowers instead of jugs of ice melt.

You can officially add brown knee highs and Social Tea Biscuits to the Endangered Species list. The Social Teas are off the market; I can’t find the originals from Nabisco anywhere, probably because there is no more Nabisco. The knee highs that are missing in action are brown. You can still find the suntan and nude colors, but finding brown is impossible. In fact, just finding pantyhose is no easy “feat.” I know people get dressed up, but nobody wears pantyhose anymore? Please, my thighs are chafing at the thought of rubbing together without the minor protection afforded by pantyhose. 

You may recall that my latest smart phone came with a smart watch. The appeal of using this device is that among its features is tracking various elements of health, such as my heart rate and doing my own EKG – not that I have any idea how to interpret the results. It also tracks my sleep, faithfully logging hours and recording exact times, whether I was in a light sleep, deep sleep or REM sleep. Trust me, I don’t know what that means either. Anyway, one night I had the watch set to Sleep Mode, which means the screen is virtually black but the device continues to record my sleep. Around my usual time of 4 AM I got up, went to the bathroom and flopped back into bed. Almost immediately, I felt it sending me a signal along with a dire flashing message: FALL DETECTED, FALL DETECTED! Fall detected? I didn’t fall, I had flopped into bed, which was inaccurately interpreted as a fall. Then a red phone image lights up and the watch starts ringing and someone or something starts talking to me, saying, “Emergency, emergency!” I start yelling into my wrist, “No emergency! No emergency!” But no one said alright and there was no way to stop it, so I went and sat in the front of the house, in case there were emergency vehicles pulling up. I had to sit in my office, peeking under the shade, waiting for flashing red lights and a bunch of men with axes so I could stop them from breaking down my door – which would have been an emergency to me. I was so shocked that I took off the watch. If it measured my heartbeat at that minute, there would have been another emergency. Now I get out and back into my bed very gingerly so as not to trigger another emergency event. I am the owner of a device I am afraid of! I sure wasn’t expecting that!





 

March 2024 Movies & More

March brings its basketball Madness, so my movie watching was severely limited. Numbering picks up from last month and asterisks indicate movies I have seen previously. All programs are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 at the top of the ratings.

27. Upgraded* (2024, Prime Video) – Ana is an aspiring art dealer who works for a gallery in a low-level position and for a demanding boss. When the director of the gallery, Claire (Marisa Tomei, playing the Miranda Priestley role from “The Devil Wears Prada”), commands her to go to a big show in London but Ana is left to fly alone. When the gate agent takes pity on her and upgrades her, she runs into (literally, with a Bloody Mary, no less) a handsome, rich guy and sparks fly. Somehow, he gets the impression that Ana is the gallery head, and so does his art-collecting mother. Confusion and hijinks ensue. This rom-com is light and fun to watch and Tomei and Lena Olin, playing the rich guy’s mother, carry off their roles with aplomb. Not the best movie of the year, but fun to watch. 3 cans.
28. United States of Scandal* (2024, CNN) – Newsman Jake Tapper takes a look at the rise and fall of notorious politicians in this four-part series of one-hour programs. Covered are former NJ Governor Jim McGreevy, who resigned suddenly when his homosexuality became more than an open secret; NYC Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, who famously became “Client 9” of a prostitution ring;, and former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who disappeared from office for a few days, later explaining that he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. CNN had already done a series on Rudolph Guiliani, or he would surely have made the list. I have a feeling there will be plenty more episodes to come! 3½ cans.
29. Unstoppable (2009, Cable TV) – I’m not a fan of action movies, but this one caught my eye. Denzel Washington and Chris Pine have an interesting first day working together as the engineer and conductor on a freight train that starts out slowly but ends up with them trying to stop a runaway train in its tracks. Based on a true story, the unmanned train hurtles through the Pennsylvania countryside, threatening the small towns in its path with both speed and its highly combustible cargo. The two men have to come up with heroic solutions to “track” down the runaway train. If you are looking for a relaxing time at the movies, please miss this train. But if you like heart-stopping action, all aboard! 3½ cans.
30. Crazy Heart (2009, HBO) – Jeff Bridges won an Oscar for playing Bad Blake, an alcoholic country singer who fame has waned over years of alcohol abuse. His talent remains, even as he is reduced to singing at bowling alleys and other minor league venues. In typical country music style, he meets a good woman, falls in love and still must hit rock bottom. Bridges, who sings and plays guitar, has no qualms about letting the camera record him when he couldn’t possibly look worse. Yet somehow, you can’t help rooting for this guy. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the object of his affection and Robert Duval (who played a similar character in “Tender Mercies,”) is along for the ride, as is friend and rival Colin Farrell. 4 cans.
31. The Rewrite* (2012, Hulu) – Hugh Grant is his best sardonic self as a screenwriter with one big hit to his credit and nothing in his future. He can’t find work in Hollywood, so he takes a teaching job at a college in Binghamton, NY, where his lack of effort initially does no one any good. Eventually, he questions his belief that good writing cannot be taught. Co-star Marisa Tomei is terrific (as always) as someone who doesn’t hesitate to give him perspective and truth. 3 cans.
32. The After* (2023, Netflix) – This movie packs a lot of passion, power and pathos into its 14-minute length. David Oleyolo plays a busy businessman who suffers an immense and sudden tragedy. He looks and acts numb, but he is just trying to get through the day as a rideshare driver until one ride with a couple and child makes him confront his grief. Take 14 minutes out of your day to see this. It is not cheery, but the story and its aftermath will make you think. 3½ cans
33. Paper Moon* (1973, PBS) – Young Tatum O’Neal as Addie is a revelation in this comedy/crime movie that also stars her father, Ryan, as a con man in the 1930s. The two are matched together with the understanding that he will accompany her to her family home, so they hit the road, supporting themselves by running a variety of con games (selling Bibles for one; no comment). She is tough as nails, frequently reminding O’Neal’s Mose that he owes her $200. She is as good at the con game as the man she is pretty sure is her real father, despite his protestations. Madeline Kahn is wonderful as a floozie Mose picks up, but Addie outwits them both. Tatum won the Oscar as the Best Supporting Actor, the youngest winner ever. 3½ cans.
34. Pride of the Yankees (1942, Cable) – “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth,” declared the dying Yankee Lou Gehrig to a packed house at Yankee Stadium in 1939. Before being diagnosed with ALS (which subsequently became known as “Lou Gehrig’s Disease”), Gehrig had played 2130 consecutive games for the star-studded Yankee franchise and was known as “the Iron Horse.” He was only 37 when he died. This film traces his life, his marriage and his career as a Yankee. He’s a good example of the phrase “only the good die young.” However, that moving story aside, this is not a good movie. It is slow and plodding, with stilted dialog and a clearly over-aged Gary Cooper as Gehrig; Cooper was in his 40s with lines in his face, so accepting him as a rookie with the Yankees is a stretch. Still, this is a classic story, and the lore of Gehrig will always be a part of the mystique of the New York Yankees. 2 cans.
35. Quiet on Set* (2024, ID Channel) – Momma, don’t let your babies grow up to be child stars. This 4-part documentary traces the TV shows from Nickelodeon that reigned supreme in the 1990s, most of which were produced by Dan Schneider, who is portrayed here as a powerful and power-hungry man who could make or break the careers of the young people he hired. He hired like-minded men who took advantage of their young charges, grooming them as dialog coaches and writers who offered help and then sexually attacked or abused many of them. Many kids were afraid to report the abuse for fear of losing their jobs. And if they weren’t abused, many were asked to do things that sexualized them at much too early a stage. It is deplorable that any of these people had an opportunity to work with teenagers and young people at all. This was too disturbing to recommend. 3 cans.
36. Anatomy of a Fall* (2023, Hulu) – A man falls from a balcony under mysterious conditions. Did he fall? Did he jump? Was he pushed? All of these scenarios are included in this mysterious case, and of course the authorities think the wife did it. But did she? You will have to read subtitles for some of this French film, but the level of acting, direction and the story are worth the effort. 4 cans.
37. Buying Beverly Hills, Season 2* (2024, Netflix) – If you like $40 million California homes and can tolerate the drama offered by superstar realtor Mauricio Umansky and his family, which includes his now-separated wife, Kyle (who is already a star of the reality series “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills), and their three daughters, who work for Mauricio’s The Agency. After a while, all the houses look the same – great views, dramatic staircases and free-standing bathtubs – as do the daughters. The drama on this show – and it never ends – is equally among the male real estate sellers, who have something to say about everything and everyone. They are like a Greek chorus, commenting and moving the story along. There are some genuinely unlikable people working for the Agency and many who cannot refrain from offering their views on the family and the business. Don’t ask me why I watched, but I also couldn’t restrain myself. 3 cans and a $40 million dollar house for everyone who endured this drivel. Now, when do we get to see Season 3?

March On

Forget about the daffodils that are starting to bloom. The real sign of spring is when my landscaper, Pedro, shows up with the mulch. And also when Polar Cub ice cream on Route 22 in Whitehouse opens up for the season, which they did this week! It's 72 degrees today. Can we go to spring, go directly to spring and not revert back to winter? Then I can loosen my ban on ice cream that typically extends until Memorial Day.

My biometrics are not working! When I try to use a fingerprint instead of a password, my phone fails to recognize it. Yes, I cover the whole icon. Yes, I press hard. Yes, I try repeatedly and then resort to the password. Life never gets easier, does it?

No woman in the history of medicine has ever been able to relax when instructed to do so by the gynecologist in the office. Nor can we easily “scoot on down.” Trust me on this.

I had such a good hair day the other day and the only people who saw me were at the car dealership where my car was being serviced. 

Lately I have been having trouble swallowing some of the larger pills that I have to take so I bought a pill splitter and now I understand how a guillotine works. Heads – or, in this case, pills – will roll!

Why do we pronounce licorice as lickorish?

I have so many doctor’s appointments, that recently when I had to show my driver’s license to renew my library card, I inadvertently whipped out my United Healthcare card.

I received a “courtesy call” from a doctor’s office telling me to call the business office. The rep explained that the courtesy call was being made to remind me that I owe them $20. But, I explained, I have not received a bill, so how could they “remind” me about something I didn’t know I had? Can’t you just send me the bill, I asked? She said they would be sending me the bill, and it is also in my portal. But why would I look at the portal if I didn’t know there was something there? I can’t even imagine the money they spent to leave me a message to call the business office, to pay someone to remind me to pay a bill I didn’t know I had, to maintain the website where the mystery bill will appear and so on. I guarantee that the cost of all of this administrative stuff far exceeds the $20 I allegedly owe them!

Who is General Tsao and why do we order his chicken?

I have a handyman named Craig who is scheduled to come over to do some odd jobs. I wrote them all down, so now I have my own Craig’s List.

When I leave my name and number as a voicemail I state the information very slowly. It is not just that I am being considerate so the person can get the information, it is also because it takes me a moment to remember by own number!

Even after 4 years of the pandemic and after countless Zoom calls, there is always that one person on every call who has to be reminded, “YOU’RE ON MUTE!”

I love that my friends know me so well that they just assume I am watching whatever they are watching on TV. I got a 7 AM text recently about a tennis match that, of course, I happened to be watching! Not the first time.

I get alerts about local road conditions, school closings and other area news that might be relevant. But if you live in the Hillsborough-Mongomery-Franklin area, you know that 3 drops of rain are enough to close down the Griggstown Causeway and Blackwell’s Mills Road, both of which are antiquated bridges (Griggstown is a one-way, so drivers have to wait for oncoming traffic to clear) that are barely above the branch of the Raritan River they cross. I wish I had a dime for every message saying they are closed and another dime for the next message, saying they are open again. That would be a lot of dimes!

My indoor-outdoor thermometer died, my TV remote control stopped working so I had to get a new one from Xfinity (yes, I changed the batteries – twice) and I have my new phone and smart watch to learn. My elderly mind can only learn so many devices at one time!

I wonder what the lifespan of a box of Girl Scout Cookies is. How I missed eating the ones in the freezer is a mystery, but they have been there for a year and now I am afraid to open the box. Either I will eat the whole thing and gain weight or I will eat the whole thing and die. Any guesses? Follow-up: I checked on Google and the frozen cookies can be consumed for up to a year. They might lose their quality and taste, but apparently, they won’t kill you. Time to buy fresh ones!

For someone who doesn’t drink coffee, I have an enormous collection of mugs. I use them occasionally for tea and in the winter for hot chocolate, but there are so many that I would never have to use the same one twice. Of course, I have favorites. There’s my high school reunion mug(s), the photo mug I had made for my group of girlfriends as their Christmas gift one year, and mugs that have been given to me or which I have bought in my travels. I have them relatively neatly crammed into a corner cabinet and have even put a shelf in there to hold more. Meanwhile, can I persuade myself to purge some of these? Doubtful.

If a woman can be a mother and a grandmother, why should an aunt have to be a great aunt instead of a GRAND aunt? I feel like GREAT describes how one performs that job, not the position itself.

My dear Mercedes was sideswiped while minding her own business in the parking lot at my local ShopRite. It was a bright, sunny day and she was neatly parked within the designated space. I came out of the store, put my groceries in the trunk and noticed white stuff on the driver’s side door. No dents, but clearly, something had happened. A nice young woman came up to me to report that she had seen the car that hit me, wrote down the license plate as the driver left the scene and had already called the police. Ten minutes later, the nice young officer arrived, checked his computer and quickly identified the driver as someone who lives in a senior complex very nearby. It turns out she is an 87-year-old-woman who lives right near ShopRite. She told him that she did not know she hit my car (if that was the case, why did she pull into the spot and then leave?). My New Jersey Manufacturers insurance kicked in and took care of the whole thing – deductible and all, since the driver and I both have NJM. I had to drive a rented Dodge Charger for the week, a car that had a lot more pep in its step than what I am used to (I think I backed out of the garage doing 40!) while my car was getting a beautiful face lift and body work done by a local shop. I kept referring to the rental as my “Tracy Chapman car,” since it was a FAST car! I wondered if the body shop could do some body work on me while they were at it. They did a fabulous job on the car, which looked like it had been reborn! So, all’s well that ends well, but if you see a little old lady in a white car driving into the parking lot at ShopRite – which I now refer to as “the scene of the crime” – beware!

My nephew is getting married in October to a wonderful young woman that my sister and I adore. The site of the ceremony and reception are set, the hotel block has been reserved, the rehearsal dinner booked and even the “after-party,” which is something these kids cannot do without, is established. The bride has her gown on order and my nephew is deciding on his wardrobe. Now, the hard part: My sister Nancy and I have to pick out “appropriate dresses” to wear. We know the color that the bride’s mother’s is wearing, so my sister needs to pick another color. My sister insists that she needs to wear a dress that is “appropriate,” so that means no bare arms, no plunging necklines and no side slits. The wedding is in October and cocktails might be outside, so my sister wants a dress with sleeves. We might as well try shopping in an Amish store, except that the Amish would make their own dresses. Can we find a dress with sequins AND flannel? We need to find something between “Dresses for Sluts” and “Dowdy Dresses.” She is a very petite petite and I am looking for something to address my more ample figure. We spent President’s Day shopping and felt like we were auditioning for “What NOT to Wear.” Remember, Nancy will be in the family pictures (more so than me), so the dress has to fit, function and photograph well. Stay tuned. Much more to follow as we approach October.

February 2024 Movies & More

Here is what captured my interest in February. Numbering picks up from previous months and asterisks indicate programs I had not seen previously. The rating scale is 1-5 cans of tunafish, with 5 being the top.

14. American Fiction* (2023, Manville Cinema) – This film about a run-of-the-mill novelist takes a satirical turn when frustrated writer Thelonious “Monk” Ellison (Jeffrey Wright) decides to abandon his high brow novels and write something that is so outrageous that it makes him a sensation. He couldn’t attract any interest in what he had been writing, novel, so he adopts a “street style” and gets his new book published under the pseudonym “Stagger Lee.” His new approach pokes fun at the largely white publishing industry that suddenly wants to hear from new, Black voices, such as author Sintara Golden (Issa Rae), a hot new author. He is balancing his need to provide funding for a nursing home for his mother (Leslie Uggams) after his sister (Tracey Ross Ellis) suddenly dies. I loved the family dynamics here and Monk’s reluctance to reveal his identify as he ponders the racial stereotypes that are so prevalent in our society. Sterling K. Brown plays Monk’s brother and the lovely woman from across the street (Erika Alexander) That he begins to date looked like a young Alfre Woodard. Monk is definitely in on the joke. 4 cans.
15. Bitconned* (2023, Netflix) – If only clever people with criminal minds would use their intelligence for the good of society. Not in this documentary. Ray and his buddies are wiseguys who want to be criminals. From selling drugs to selling exotic cars, they always seemed to live the high life – literally. And building an inventory of bitcoins was easier than running a car business (although that one was legit). So, with a little knowledge and a lot of moxie, they pedaled cryptocurrency through a phony website (complete with a fake CEO whose picture was simply a stock photo) to the would-be rich while they made millions. I don’t know much about bitcoin, but anything that looks too good to be true usually is. 3 cans.
16. Rolling Along* (2024, Max) – Former basketball great (Princeton and the Knicks) and NJ Senator Bill Bradley tells his life story in this no-frills one-man performance. There is much more philosophy here than clips of his days on the champion New York Knicks team (and we know how long ago THAT was). Bradley delivers his story with passion and reality. His views on American politics, right to life, racial injustice and the Viet Nam War all develop over time, and he is frank in disclosing how he reached his conclusions, including how, as an evangelical Christian, he walked out of a Billy Graham service and never looked back. Bradley is 80 now, but he is masterful in standing on stage and simply telling his story, on turning back the clock and explaining what life was like and how events influenced his views. And it was worth hearing. 3½ cans.
17. The Many Lives of Martha Stewart* (2024, CNN) – This four-part documentary tells the story of the rise and fall and rise again of a girl from Nutley, NJ, who built an empire and then did something that nearly destroyed it. Martha spent time as a stockbroker and a model but only felt true fulfillment as a baker, decorator, publisher and media mogul. From her best-selling book, “Entertaining,” to her ubiquitous magazine, Martha Stewart Living, she defined how the rest of us should be living. That led to a big company that went public, making Martha a billionaire. But when she got caught doing insider trading, she ended up in prison. Could she come back? Would she? Yes, and she was on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue at age 80! Whether you like or dislike Martha Stewart, her story is a good thing. 4 cans.
18. Fly With Me* (2024, PBS, American Experience) – This documentary traces the history of flight attendants (then called stewardesses) in the growth of the commercial airline industry. But it is also the story of the mistreatment of women in the workplace and a salute to the women who fought for their right to have careers in the airline industry. Unlike men who were pilots, the stewardesses were fired when they reached 32 because they were considered too old. They were not allowed to marry or, God forbid, be pregnant. They were constantly weighed, ostensibly because of the load on the plane (men’s weight didn’t count, I guess?), have their hair cut a certain way, their outfits strictly within the rules and they had to double up on hotel rooms when they traveled (the pilots got their own individual rooms). Some of that changed when the airline marketing campaigns decided to hoist up the hemlines and invite passengers (mostly a male, business clientele at the time) to “Fly Me.”  And the workers got fed up, started a union, fought for their rights and sued and won large settlements. This film is the history of a profession that has changed dramatically over time, largely in answer to the justifiable objections of the workers. Worth a look. 3½ cans.
19. Lover, Stalker, Killer* (2024, Netflix) – When auto mechanic Dave met Cari Farmer on a dating app, they both agreed to go out on a casual basis. But soon thereafter, Cari texted Dave about moving in with him. He declined, she disappeared and he began receiving thousands of messages from her. This true crime story is examined in this Netflix documentary. It has plenty of twists and turns, and you have to wonder – as did the authorities – why would Cari abandon her mother and son, leave the state and continue to harass Dave and his former girlfriend. Tune in to find out. 3½ cans.
20. James Brown: Say It Loud* (2024, CNN) – In case you have forgotten or overlooked the genius of the hardest-working man in show business, this in-depth, 4-part documentary brings it all to light. From a poor, abused child in rural Georgia to the apex of entertainment, Brown was a prolific writer, arranger, singer and performer. His creative approach pioneered soul music and funk and influenced countless musicians from hip hop to rap. Seriously flawed in some ways, Brown maintained his independence and unique style. Even if you aren’t a fan of his music, you have to credit James Brown as “the Godfather of soul.” 4 cans.
21. A Beautiful Life* (2023, Netflix) – This may not be the best movie in the world, but wow, can that lead character sing! Elliott (player by singularly-named Christopher) works on the docks in Denmark, sorting lobsters and living on an old boat. He is a low-key guy who rarely cracks a smile or has any fun. But one night his buddy Oliver drags him to a club where Ollie plans to perform for a well-known music manager. Ollie is terrible, but Elliott jumps in to save him and knocks out all in attendance with his gorgeous voice. The woman is impressed enough to offer him a job and a chance to record, but that was Ollie’s dream, not his. Still, with so much talent in performing and songwriting, Elliott could have a bright future if he can overcome his shyness and grab the opportunity. The actor wrote and performed the songs. 3½ cans.
22. Priscilla* (2023, Max) – I’m not so sure this movie sheds any new light on the strange relationship between Elvis Presley (Jacob Elordi) and his much-younger girlfriend/wife, Priscilla (Calee Spaeny as the young Priscilla and Kamilla Kowal as the more mature one). I always thought it bizarre that Priscilla’s parents would allow their teenaged daughter (here as young as 14) to spend time with global star Elvis, who was in his 20s when they met. I mean, if it had been any other guy 10 years older, would the parents have condoned the relationship? From the movie, it seems that Priscilla was well cared for by Elvis’ staff and family, but she’s living with a major star and going to parochial school to get her high school diploma! Elvis got what he wanted, which included not just Priscilla the person but the Priscilla he could dress up and advise (insist) on hair and makeup. The older she became, the taller her hair grew, and there was surely a hole in the ozone layer at Graceland from all of the hairspray used to cement that ‘do in place). Elvis lives a big and opulent life, and Priscilla looks bored and tired of the whole thing, except when she is with the man she loves. I was bored, too. 2 cans.
23. Shattered Glass: A WNBPA Story* (2024, Tubi) – If you are a basketball fan who follows the WNBA and you like stories about contracts, this documentary is for you. It delves into the union that represents the WNBA players as they measure the viability of opting out of the contract with the league once their deal expires. Their goal is to get concessions on issues important to the members, such as maternity leave, charter flights (the teams are required to fly commercial, which is a tough challenge from a scheduling standpoint and also because the players are mostly over 6 feet tall) and more. The focus is on three players, Nneka Ogwumike, the WNBPA president, and two members of the New York Liberty, both new to the team last year, Jonquel Jones and Breanna Stewart. The film follows them in their daily lives and introduces fans to their families. I realize this film probably has limited appeal to a wide audience, but it was just perfect for me. 3½ cans.
24. The Grapes of Wrath (1940, Cable TV) – A young Henry Fonda stars as Tom Joad in this classic from author John Steinbeck and director John Ford about a family seeking the American dream. The Joad family is forced to flee their native Oklahoma dust bowl by greedy landowners. They take off for California, where there is plenty of farming to be done and migrant workers are needed. But the greedy farm owners are unwilling to pay a living wage and are ready to replace the pickers on hand with new ones who will work for less. Man’s inhumanity to man is on display in numerous confrontations and disappointments. In large part, we are still fighting these same circumstances in the United States – human rights, workers’ compensation, low-cost housing. This film will not lift your spirits but is important to see. 4 cans.
25. Love Story (1970, PBS) – What can you say about a 25-year old woman who died? No, I haven’t given away the story, because those are the opening words as poor Oliver Barrett IV (Ryan O’Neal) sits alone in Central Park mourning the death of this beautiful young wife, Jenny Cavalleri (Ali McGraw). Oliver is a Harvard jock, Jenny a Radcliffe music major when they meet and become smitten with each other. The scion of an enormously rich family, Oliver is determined to make it on his own and has a crusty relationship with his father, Oliver Barrett III. Jenny is a girl from a working-class family and definitely not whom Oliver is expected to marry. But, you know, love conquers all and movie star diseases will get you. I know it’s sappy, I know it is not considered a great film, but sitting down to watch these two beautiful people fall in love, frolic in the snow and try to survive is a guilty pleasure. 4 cans.
26. Ordinary Angels* (2024, Manville Cinema) – When Ed (Alan Ritchson) loses his young wife, he is left to care for their two young daughters with the help of his mother (Nancy Travis). Five years later, Michelle, the 5-year-old, is deathly ill and needs a new liver. Between hospital stays and drugs, he is broke and on the edge of despair when suddenly Sharon (Hilary Swank) comes along. A hairdresser with a wild streak and a bad drinking problem, Sharon reads about little Michelle and is determined to help her and her family. Based on a true story, this movie shows the power of community, as Sharon enlists the people in the town to come through and save this little girl. She is about as ordinary as you can get, but her commitment and actions make her an angel to this desperate family. 3½ cans.

Tech Talk

I appreciate technology as much as the next person. I like the way it makes our lives easier and lets us do things we never thought possible. But that’s not to say it doesn’t present challenges.

In the last month or so, my phone died and I ended up with a new phone AND a smart watch, which is still keeping secrets from me.

It started with the phone, which literally died one day in my arms. Dead as a doornail. Could not be resuscitated. 

Despite all attempts and instructions from Google on reviving it, it was declared legally dead the next day at the Verizon store. I was told that I could take it to a repair place since not much is done at the Verizon store except upsell customers on new models.  Instead, I agreed to pay $50 NOT to have it repaired (I know) and I opted for a replacement phone that would be shipped to me the next day. But it snowed and the phone didn’t arrive for 2 days, which meant I was phoneless! 

Being without a phone was absolute torture. No way to connect if the car broke down. No texts with friends, my huge Wordle streak of two days abruptly halted, my basketball tickets inaccessible. I had to figure out how to retrieve my contacts from the “cloud” or be permanently out of touch (which actually has some degree of appeal). And since I couldn’t access the old phone, just activating the replacement was impossible. Where’s the SIM card? What is the SIM card? Do I need a SIM card? Thanks to YouTube videos, I finally extricated the old one, and I had to use the back of an earring to get it out. 

The morning after it arrived, I showed up at the Verizon store 3 minutes before it even opened on a Sunday for help in activating the replacement. Verizon kept sending me authorization codes by text, and I couldn’t access the texts so I was out of luck.

Ironically, I had made a New Year’s Resolution to cut down on my screen time. Going cold turkey was NOT what I had in mind!

Verizon got the phone going, but I figured I’d just get a new one. I ordered a brand new Galaxy S24, not even in stock yet. They really don’t want people at the store. Their phone stock on hand is minimal since they push you to order online. I know my contemporaries will agree that we want to SEE the phone, HOLD the phone and have someone EXPLAIN the phone. 

They assured me the new zillion dollar phone would be "FREE" (if you don’t count my monthly charges going up) with the trade-in of the replacement phone (the original one had to be shipped to Texas, where I picture a phone mortuary dealing with dead models). I declined ordering the model with artificial intelligence since I didn't really want a phone that is so much smarter than me, but they sucked me into ordering a smart watch that will receive texts and monitor a bunch of health measures. I have three watches that I have purchased or was given in the last year, so I really did not need a new one, but, you know, it keeps track of your pulse and exercise. I hope it doesn’t come with a nagging voice when I’m just relaxing on the couch! Again, it was “free.” I only hope Dick Tracy comes with it to show me how it works. 

As I said, Verizon really does not want you in the store. They replaced the comfy couches they had when I was last there with a hard bench you can sit on while you wait. When you have to sit at a station with a rep who explains how these things are “FREE,” you perch on a stool with virtually no back. Do they NOT have customers over age 60? After all, we are the ones who need the sales pitch and the help. They told me that they would be happy to set up the new phone when it arrives at my house but now they charge $30 for that service, which used to be free. I suppose a seat on the uncomfortable stools will cost money, too, some day. 

I also went to Amazon and ordered a case, screen protectors and a charging block since the phone comes only with a cord and nothing that goes into the wall. I definitely got my $30 worth out of my Verizon service, making them transfer whatever I couldn’t and answer a bunch of questions about the phone AND the watch, which the rep said she should charge me for separately, but she didn’t. I even made her put the glass protector screen on, which she said they don’t do unless you buy it there. I didn’t. Be nice to old people.

The new “FREE” phone is working, protected by my wise advance purchases, and missing just the vast array of photo albums I had on my old phone. All of the pictures are “in the cloud” but sorting them and reassembling the albums would be tedious work, so I’ll just start anew. I have set up the phone to upload them to the Verizon Cloud, Google Photos and Shutterfly. Everything is in multiple places. I only have to figure out how to find them and get them when I want them!

The new “FREE” smart watch is interesting. It tracks your heart rate, exercise (except when I am walking through ShopRite, which somehow doesn’t count). They say it can be used in the pool, but I didn't want to tempt fate. And it recognizes my sleep patterns. It is like Santa Claus. I wear it in bed and it knows when I am sleeping and knows when I’m awake. I feel alternately safe and spooked. It even takes into account the time I am NOT asleep, when I wake up, hit the bathroom and then try to get back to sleep. It breaks down my sleep into periods of light, deep and REM sleep and notes when I am awake. And if I take a nap during the day, that is also recorded. If it can do all of that, why CAN’T it count my steps in ShopRite? Oh, and it also tells the time.

It also offers biometric ID, which means you can open it with your fingerprint. Great when that works, but 75% of the time it acts as though it has no record of my index finger on file.

So far, I like it, except when I got an alert at a Rutgers basketball game that said I had fallen down. It wanted to know if it should call for help. I was merely sitting and watching the game at that point, so I don’t know what constitutes an actual fall. My heart rate might have been high, but I hadn’t even stood up, no less fallen down. 

I’m obsessed with the sleep stats. I check every morning and send the reading to my phone. The thing can do an EKG on me, but I have no idea how to interpret the results. I haven’t figured out how to check my email yet, and there are more functions that I need to research. It is nice and bright (except during my sleep time), so I can even see what time it is in the movies. 

As for the “FREE” aspect, the hardware is free, but my monthly fees have increased. But I didn’t have to pay $1000. Kind of. 

If only it knew how many steps I take in ShopRite!

January 2024 Movies & More

Another year, another list of movies, TV shows and other entertainment options. Asterisks indicate programs I had not seen previously. Everything is rated on a scale from 1-5 cans of tuna fish (don't ask), with 5 the top score.
1. On Golden Pond (1981, Cable TV) – Henry Fonda plays octogenarian Norman Thayer Jr. in this classic about a fractured relationship between a father and daughter, starring with his real-life daughter, Jane Fonda, playing Chelsea. And if that isn’t enough acting firepower, Katharine Hepburn is Ethel, his devoted and loving wife who is always trying to broker peace between the two people she loves most. Chelsea brings her dentist boyfriend to the family’s summer place on Golden Pond, where Norman likes to fish and Ethel listens to the loons. When Chelsea and her boyfriend Bill leave for vacation, his 13-year-old smart-ass son Billy (Doug McKeon) is left for a month with the old folks. Miraculously, he and Normal develop the kind of relationship the old poop should have had with his daughter for these many years. I love this movie, and when Fonda hugs Fonda in the end, there isn’t a dry eye in my house. 4½ cans.
2. The Boys In the Boat* (2023, Manville Cinema) – The rowing team from the University of Washington was a novice group with good training and plenty of heart, and with enough skill and perseverance to win qualifying races and go to the 1936 Olympics in Germany.  You would think this could not happen, except that the movie is based on a true story.  A little slow in the beginning as it builds to the climax. 3½ cans.
3. The Color Purple* (2023, Manville Cinema) – I may have just watched the Best Movie of the Year, and it is only January 2! This new version of the stage musical based on Alice Walker’s novel packs a punch – in more ways than one – with exceptional performances by Fantasia Barino as the main character, Celie, and the supporting cast of Taraji P. Henson, Danielle Brooks, H.E.R., Hallie Berry and Ciara, all bringing Walker’s characters to brilliant life. I had seen the 1985 Steven Spielberg version of this story, starring Whoopie Goldberg and Oprah Winfrey, but, after 40 years, I did not recall all of the plot, so seeing this and hearing the music was almost an entirely new experience for me. I haven’t shed that many tears at the movies in a long time. 5 cans.
4. The Curious Case of Natalia Grace* (2023, ID Network or MAX) – This 2-season, 12-episode docuseries traces the life of Ukrainian orphan Natalia Grace, who was adopted by an American family at around age six. Or was she? This series casts doubt – rightfully so – on her age, her adoptive family’s treatment of her, her alleged threats to their safety and other stuff that you absolutely cannot make up. She is a little person who deals with spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia, a rare bone disorder, making it difficult for her to walk. Did she really stand at the foot of her parents’ bed holding a knife? Why did the family “re-age” her and place her in an apartment alone? This is one of the most bizarre real stories I have ever seen, but it did inspire me to change my own age. For the record, I’m now 59 again! 4 cans of absolute shock and strangeness!
5. Good Grief* (2023, Netflix) – Daniel Levy has arrived. After amusing us for six years in the Shitt’s Creek ensemble, here he takes the reins as the writer, director and star of the sad and warm story of Marc, a man whose husband dies in a traffic accident, leaving him to process the grief and try to get on with his life. Surrounded by close friends who each have their own messy lives to contend with, he slowly comes to terms with secrets he did not know about his marriage. Through it all, he changes from the idealization of his marriage to the realities of choices made and yet to be made. I admired Levy’s performance and the bond his character has with his friends, who are his chosen family. You can see his pain as new revelations hit him and change his perspective. Good Grief is GOOD. 3½ cans.
6. American Nightmare* (2024, Netflix) – Imagine being kidnapped, tossed in the trunk of a car, held captive, raped – and the police don’t believe a word of your story. In 2015, that’s what happened to Denise Huskins. This three-part documentary series shows the actual police footage of her boyfriend, Aaron Quinn, being interrogated by the police, who immediately doubt his story. They don’t know where Denise was taken and the incident, which seemed so similar to the new movie “Gone Girl,” is breathlessly reported by the media. The young couple are treated as liars by the police in Vallejo, California and are excoriated by the police, who say they are guilty of perpetrating an elaborate hoax. This series grabbed my attention from the beginning and I couldn’t go to bed until I finished it. 4 cans.
7. From the Terrace (1960, Cable TV) – Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward star in this melodramatic adaptation of the John O’Hara novel about a wealthy but unhappily married couple. He is the scion of a modestly wealthy family whose father much preferred the brother who died as a child.  She is from a much richer family and is spoiled and content to run with the society crowd. He loves his work at an investment bank on Wall Street, a job he “fell into” by rescuing the partner’s grandson. They become fabulously wealthy and yet are miserable together. He is always tied up with work, desperate to gain independent wealth. She lusts after him (seriously, who wouldn’t?) but settles for her willing old boyfriend instead.  He doesn’t even understand how unhappy he is until he meets and falls for a much less complicated, pretty woman (Ina Balin) and her life. Will he give up everything for the chance of finally achieving happiness? This movie and “The Young Philadelphians” are two of my favorite Newman movies. 4 cans.
8. One All the Way* (2021, PBS) – This short documentary (about 20 minutes) follows three older men in search of the perfect hot Texas Weiner in and around their hometown, Paterson, NJ. Once a thriving small city, Paterson’s industry has left town and so have many of its residents as the town falls into disrepair. It pains the friends here who remember its glory days and the places they frequented, including the place where one of them proposed to his wife. Some of their favorite hotdog joints are gone, too, but that doesn’t stop them from their quest to eat three with everything each time they go on one of their hotdogs crawls. I only wish my late brother-in-law, who once ran a hotdog truck, could have seen this movie or hung out with the guys. They would have become fast friends. Take 20 minutes and watch this little gem. 3½ cans.
9. Beef* (2023, Netflix) – This 10-part series starts out with a road rage incident between Amy and Danny (Ali Wong and Steven Juen), who race through their California streets looking for revenge against each other. So how does this incident become a series, I asked myself. Each episode provides another layer of their increasingly intertwined lives. His brother, her husband, his sketchy cousin just out of prison, her mother-in-law, his involvement with the church, her high-income job and boss. The series reminded me of a traffic accident that everyone has to stop and see. Once you get started with this series, you’re hooked. It is bizarre, violent, creepy, and amoral. It won a boatload of Emmys, including Best Actor and Actress for Juen and Wong, who were outstanding. Now that it’s over, I hope there is no Season 2. 3½ cans.
10. The Secret Life of the Hospital* (2018, Prime Video) – This documentary gives viewers an in-depth view of operating a hospital in England, from the people who wheel the patients to get their CAT scans done to the people who repair the equipment to be sure it works. So much of what goes on in the hospital takes place behind the scenes, checking blood samples, ordering scans and making sure the chemotherapy drugs are perfect. I was so impressed with the staff, their exacting standards and the dignity with which patients were treated. I found it fascinating. 4 cans.
11. Queer Eye, Season 8* (2024, Netflix) – The Fab Five are back in town – New Orleans this time around – to transform people’s lives. Antoni, Karamo, Tan, Jonathan and Bobby (in his last season) this time out work with a man who is content to cook and eat raccoons, a former nun interested in dating, and a deaf football coach who is taking on more responsibilities at the school for the deaf where he works. In small and seemingly subtle ways, these men change a wardrobe, a house, and a life with love, kindness, caring, and wonderful listening skills. The only bad part of this series is that I binged all 8 episodes in one day and now I have to wait a year for the next season. But it is worth waiting for! 4 cans.
12. 999: Critical Condition* (2018, Prime Video) – If you don’t mind real life blood and guts, surgeons sawing through bones and exposing the brain, then this 4-part documentary series is for you. Like “The Secret Life of the Hospital,” above, it shows what really happens, in this case, in the ER of a British hospital. The care and measures taken by the entire medical team are truly remarkable, as they fight to save the lives of accident victims, people with tumors, stroke victims and more. You only hope that if you have to go to the hospital, that you will be treated with such care and concern. 4 cans.
13. The Greatest Night in Pop* (2024, Netflix) – On a January night in 1985, nearly every important singer and pop star gathered in a Hollywood recording studio to create the magic that was “We Are the World.” It started with Harry Belafonte, renowned musician, actor and activist, who wanted to do something for the starving people in Africa, following a UK effort that produced “Band Aid.” He teamed with Quincy Jones, who brought on Lionel Ritchie, Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder to craft a song that would inspire and move people to action. And if they had proceeded just with that quartet, it probably would have been a smash hit. But no, as this engaging documentary reveals, one after another star was asked and agreed. From Bruce Springsteen to Diana Ross, Billy Joel to Dionne Warwick, from Bob Dylan (who looks a little out of place and uncomfortable) to a nervous Huey Lewis, about 70 people converged in the studio after the American Music Awards and worked all night long until they turned out a memorable record that has raised $63 million – more that $130 million in today’s dollars to aid Africa. This movie is a warm look at who showed up, who didn’t (Prince), who came and went (Waylon Jennings) and it shows how the individual styles and talents of these singers were melded together. It was like watching a good family reunion. My only question was: Why was Dan Ackroyd there? 4 cans.

January Gems

Some things take 2 years and 10 minutes to do. You don’t get around to doing it for 2 years and when you finally do, it takes 10 minutes to get it done.

My sister was having problems with her Alexa, so I suggested she unplug it, wait a few minutes and then plug it in again. I also told her that if I were on life support, she should not try that technique to resuscitate me.

Is it just me or does anyone else see the irony of the star of the movie “Ferrari” being Adam Driver?

It took all the restraint I could muster NOT to lift the lid on the crockpot while my pot roast was cooking (for 8 hours). But I stayed strong and it was worth the wait!

I find it amusing that the word "crockpot" autocorrects to "crackpot."

For the life of me, I don’t understand why the soap I buy comes in a carton that has a closure on the end flap so you can reuse it. Does the manufacturer expect someone to reinsert the soap and store it in the box as it is being used? Make that make sense. What am I missing?

I started the year off right by changing the water filter in the Brita (which I have resolved to use more often to cut down on bottled water), reorganizing the kitchen utensil caddy so the spatulas can be together, cleaning, polishing and sealing the granite countertops in my kitchen, cleaning the washing machine and the refrigerator. Next up is setting up the compact seated elliptical exercise device I bought to get exercise while I watch TV. The first step is opening the very heavy box, which I made the UPS guy move into the house. Now let’s hope it doesn’t end up sitting idly next to the super-duper exercise bike in my bedroom. Ah, those New Year’s Resolutions!

Speaking of New Year’s resolutions, the parking at the health club where I go is jam-packed lately. Once those New Year’s resolutions start to be broken, I should be able to get a much better parking spot. Of course, I AM going there to get exercise, so a little extra walking is for my own good!

It doesn’t matter who you are or where you are, when your song starts playing, you will whip out your air guitar and start lip synching down the aisle at ShopRite, in an elevator or driving your car. And if it is a song by the Temptations, you will be doing the choreography, too.

I don’t think I have ever entered a sauna without saying, “Wow, it is really hot in here!” But isn’t that the point?

Every now and then I hear a commercial/promo for the Structural Steel and Bridge Painters Union on the car radio. It touts the virtues and importance of the organization responsible for maintaining many New York landmarks. I’m just not sure what I am supposed to do with this information. I’m not in the market for a bridge painter and they aren’t asking me for money. What is the target audience and the desired impression/result of this campaign? 

We need some kind of consistency in the use of expiration dates on food. You can find them stamped on the label of this food or the bottle cap of that drink or the bottom of that can. And sometimes they appear in a secret code – or not at all. I’m going to stop buying anything that doesn’t clearly show its expiration or “best used by” date so I won’t need to inspect the item before using. 

I have the world’s most insecure printer. When I send a document to be printed, I get a message that says, “Your printer needs your attention.” Why? Is it feeling left out? Underappreciated? Just do your job and stop whining.

I recently went to a real, brick-and-mortar bookstore. Wow, I forgot the wonder of the place, filled with the smell of new books, the shelves boasting all kinds of notebooks and writing implements, the feeling that I was surrounded by opportunities to learn. I love my Kindle and shopping online at Amazon, but I hope we still have bookstores to experience books live and in person.

I miss the old Lifesavers, the roll with cherry, orange, lemon, lime and pineapple. I was a lime person, so while everyone else vied for the cherry, I was content to go for the green and the lemon. You can still find the rolls at concessions stands at the airport, but the green is now watermelon (why?), and grape stands where lemon used to be. Bring back the originals!

I also miss Nabisco’s Social Tea Biscuits. Not too sweet, not overly buttery, they were a great compromise cookie when eating Milanos made me feel guilty (like every time). From my research, it appears that they are no longer being made. There are other brands that advertise themselves as “tea biscuits,” but I’m not buying it.

There have been a number of storms lately that have caused major flooding in my area and the surrounding communities. I am signed up to receive alerts about closed roads, etc., but that means I can find 50 messages waiting for me when I check my email. By the time I have read one saying a certain road is closed, there’s already an updated message saying that road is open again. I want to get the alerts, but I’m feeling flooded with messages. Pun intended.

The storms also mean that people flock to the supermarket to strip the shelves bare of bread, milk, water and toilet paper, as if we will be housebound without necessities until spring. 

If you ever hear or see me using the word “awesome,” that is a clue that I have been kidnapped, held in captivity and forced to read words not of my own choosing.

Slicing through cardboard boxes for recycling is so much better with a sharp utility knife. It is worth tossing the old one and starting with a new one if you don’t have a lethally sharp blade. 

Late last year, despite having a maintenance contract on my heating and cooling systems, my heat stopped working, luckily not during a major chill or snowstorm, but it was cold enough for me to pack up and head to my sister’s house for a couple of nights. I ended up needing a new thermostat, gas valve and control board, all for the bargain price of about $1500. Happy Hanukah to me!  At least I was able to spend a few nights with my sister until things were repaired.

Is it just me or does everyone else have problems signing into Apple TV+? I don’t use it that often, but when I do a QR code appears on my TV and I’m asked to scan it. That doesn’t work, so I have to go online to sign in. Then I can’t remember my password, so I have to go to my office and check it. All this to find something to watch!

Why is it that to pay my retina bill online, I have to go to the website, sign in, wait for a code, enter the code, confirm that I am NOT a robot and whatever else before they accept my payment? Are there a lot of people out there trying to pay my bill for me? I know, privacy, data security, blah, blah, blah, but I swear it is just ME trying to pay my own bill. Don’t make this so hard!

In the history of “Chopped,” the Food Network cooking competition, has anyone ever successfully made risotto – or at least to the satisfaction of judge Scott Connant? People, give it up. It’s not going to happen. Ever. Potatoes are hard enough but better than the risotto, which, to make correctly, requires constant stirring. You DON’T have the time for that!

Have you noticed the increasing use of nouns as verbs? I just Venmoed money to a friend for lunch. I’m Zooming today at 3 and I’m Googling the definition of verbs and nouns. I can get home by Ubering a ride. My English teachers from Somerville High School are rolling over in their graves.

It’s not easy being me. If the font is changed on a street sign, I notice. The spacing between words on a sign was inconsistent enough to bug me (instead of merely not looking at it). If I see a typo – God forbid – or I hear a sportscaster say he “done” something I start to twitch. I want to tell the designers of People magazine that their font is too small and there are plenty of pages where the type is too light to read properly. I know I am not perfect and I don’t know why I bristle over mistakes that no one else would notice, but this stuff drives me crazy.