Thursday, June 16, 2016

Mid-Month Musings for June 2016

Let me start this month’s edition by thanking those of you who faithfully read these monthly musings and take time to let me know you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them.  You frequently tell me that you can relate to exactly what I have expressed.  Here’s a little secret:  Your random thought ARE the same as mine.  The only difference is that I write mine down.  And here we are.

I will get that gravity-defying crumb that is rattling around in the toaster out of the toaster if I have to take the damn thing apart to do it!

From now on, my criteria for buying a vacuum cleaner will be how well it sucks up sequins and glitter.

Do you know where your tongue is?  Well, of course you know it is in your mouth, but you don’t think about your tongue until you are in the dentist’s chair and are told to relocate it temporarily.  That’s when you feel you have lost all control over the errant organ.  Moving it out of the way seems to be an impossible task since you have no idea where it is situated and what it plans on doing next.  I have a similar issue at the nail salon, where I am always admonished to “relax your hands.”  Who knows where my fingers go?  I feel a little out of control.

You know those flapping batwings all women my age have under their arms?  I guess the only way to get rid of them without surgery is to work out really hard.  I don’t know any women my age who are willing or able to work out that hard.  Michelle Obama is our Shero.

I always wonder how old the potatoes are in the supermarket.  I mean, it isn’t like they have expiration dates.  Bananas go from green to yellow to brown.  Fruit gets mushy.  But potatoes?  Unless you can see the whites of their eyes, who knows how long they have been hanging around, hoping for an adoption?

Just wondering - does Guy Fieri ever go to a diner, drive-in or dive he doesn't like? Or do the producers refuse to air the losers? He can't like everything - or can he?

Who came up with the term “rock and roll” and why?

Let’s face it:  There’s never a day when I don’t want to eat M&Ms.  But I rarely ever do.

If you are like me, you feel pressure when someone asks you for directions.  I might know exactly how to go, but I won’t necessarily remember the names of the streets or the landmarks.  I find myself coming up with instructions to “turn by the old XYZ Diner, or that’s what it used to be called.”  Or I’ll think to myself, “I think that street is where Susie used to live and it is a block past that.”  Actual street names might be more helpful.

Who among us has NOT, on occasion, pulled some garment out of the laundry, given it the sniff test and decided that we could get one more wearing out of it?

What does it say about me that I buy “ultra-strong” toilet paper?  That strong just isn’t strong enough?  What makes it ultra-strong anyway?

I will spend 10 minutes rearranging things in the trunk of my car so that I can carry them all into the house in one trip.  It would take less time to make two trips, but that is against my principles.

It was the beginning of the War of the Weeds in Tina Town recently, and I won the initial skirmish.  But when I wake up the next day with my hips and hamstrings screaming, those weeds will have the last laugh.  And then they will come back and taunt me.

It annoys me that I have to make sure the plants are watered but that the weeds can thrive no matter what conditions prevail.  I just watered the flowers, so expect a downpour to follow.

Speaking of which, I don’t get the thrill of gardening.  The bending over, getting your hands dirty and pulling weeds doesn’t seem like fun to me.  I love to look at pretty flowers, but I think mine will be in pots!

Don’t you hate it when someone you are with takes a bite of something, tells you it tastes funny and then asks you to confirm that by tasting it?  No, thanks.

I don’t know if I require less sleep these days, but I am sure getting less sleep these days.  Yet I am not taking naps – unless, of course, I am at the movies!  I really think I need more sleep than I am getting, but I’m up crazy early and can’t get back to sleep.  Maybe I need an all-night movie theater to cure my sleep woes.

Speaking of which, I wish the world were ready for me when I am ready for it.  When I wake up at 4 AM and cannot get back to sleep, it would be great to be able to go to the library or the dry cleaners.  Around here, the post office doesn’t open until 10 AM, which is way too late.  And wouldn’t it be great to stroll down the aisles at Costco around 6?  Dream on – which I would if I could sleep.

Truth:  The more you shave your legs, the more often you will cut yourself shaving your legs.

If my actual friends and family contacted me half as much as Macy’s and Raymour & Flanigan do under the guise of bargains for “Friends & Family,” I’d feel like I was being stalked.

I have two “potluck” dinners to attend.  The whole concept confuses me.  Will there be pot?  And who’s getting lucky?

My Douglass sisters and I took advantage of a trip to Atlantic City to make a detour to the outlets at Tinton Falls on the way home, where we walked into virtually every store (minus the ones that sell children’s clothing) and contributed significantly to the local economy.  For women, shopping is about the hunt, bagging the big find and paying as little as possible. Debbie won with her purchase of two sweaters for $10 – total – but we all went home with multiple bags.  So we all won.

When I called the sprinkler company about starting up the system, I was told that the earliest they could get to me was May 18th, and I was worried that my grass wouldn’t survive that long.  But the woman at the company said not to worry because we would be getting plenty of rain between now and then.  Sure, I thought.  Meanwhile, it rained practically every day since we spoke.  I wonder if she plays the lottery.

At this age, buying just one sympathy card makes no sense.  I buy in bulk now.

Without fail, every time I go into a sauna, the first thought that crosses my mind is: “Wow, it is really HOT in here.”  Duh.

I am slowly making my way through listening to the 5500 songs on my iPod, in alphabetical order. (I know this sounds like such a Tina thing to do.)  I never realized how many songs there were that started with the word “All.”

Sometimes I just wish there was “left turn on red.”

And finally, already this month we have experienced another senseless tragedy with the murder of 50 people in a club in Orlando and the injuring of 53 more.  Why should anyone in this country be allowed to purchase assault weapons?  The right to bear arms was created when muskets were the weapon of choice.  This slaughter of our own people by our own people has got to stop. 











Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Tina's May 2016 Movies

Thirteen movies made the May list, with several that I enjoyed watching again as well as a few new ones (noted with an asterisk) I found worthy of the list.  Movies are rated on a scale from 1-5, with 5 being the best.  Numbering picks up from the previous month.

47.  Lego: A Brickumentary* (2014) – I am a little too old to have played with Legos as a child, but I never imagined that the ubiquitous bricks – launched in their current form in 1958 – would be a cultural phenomenon.  Sure, millions of kids play with the interlocking plastic blocks, building special kits and also letting their imaginations run wild.  But the creativity aspect of Legos reaches far beyond kids.  In this fascinating documentary, an artist has an entire show of original art and reproductions of famous works made of Legos; a psychologist shows how autistic children interact better in social situations when they build with Legos; an architect gets a commission for a huge project based on the model he submits that is made with Legos; and Legos go on a space mission to Jupiter.  Adults flock to Lego conventions, and some have even gotten jobs with the company based on their designs.  Let’s face it, we would all envy grown-ups who get to play with toys all day, coming up with new designs and uses for the colorful bricks.  People have created actual cars, homes and movies starring the bricks.  It’s fair to say that Legos are a cultural icon.  3½ bricks.
48.  Sing Street* (2016) – Plenty of teenaged boys have started bands to meet girls.  When 15-year old Dublin schoolboy Colin (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo) develops an immediate crush on aspiring model Raphina (Lucy Boynston), he asks if she will be in a video for his band – and then quickly realizes he has to form one.  Luckily, he recruits some decent musicians and begins writing songs to win her over.  Colin is the youngest child of a couple who fight constantly and have put him in a local school where he is bullied by his classmates and castigated by the administration for not wearing black shoes as part of his required uniform.  The “band” of misfits becomes his support system, along with his musically inclined slacker older brother, as he navigates the world of songwriting, performing and romance.  Walsh-Peelo, with his rosy cheeks and innocent face, makes a very appealing lead in this sweet story.  3½ cans.
49.  Learning to Drive* (2015) – This movie is about life lessons, not just a reminder to use your blinker when turning.  Patricia Clarkson is Wendy, a book critic who is suddenly dumped by her cheating husband.  She realizes that she needs her independence, and that means she has to learn to drive so she can visit her daughter (Mamie Gummer), who lives on a farm.  She enlists the aid of a very proper Sikh named Darwan (Ben Kingsley), a driving instructor who is looking for a wife.  One marriage is ending while another is beginning, and these two people have plenty to teach each other.  She sees him subjected to incredibly rude and belligerent comments from people put off by his turban and beard.  He sees her as lonely and unable to focus on just one thing at a time.  The movie restrains itself from including an obvious romance between the characters and allows them to show how their friendship leads them to individual growth.  Patricia Clarkson always delivers outstanding performances, usually in secondary roles, but she’s got the chops to pull off the lead with plenty to spare.  3½ cans.
50.  First Monday in May* (2016) – Is fashion truly art?  This captivating documentary answers that question with a resounding YES.  Although the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art has been relegated to the massive building’s basement, each year the opening of a new show on the first Monday in May elevates fashion by not only highlighting a theme from the collection but also through its gala.  The celebrities turn out in couture outfits and sit when Vogue’s Ann Wintour tells them to sit.  As a member of the Met Board, Wintour wields plenty of power, dispensing “advice” from behind her dark sunglasses while carrying her ubiquitous container of coffee.  This film provides a behind-the-scenes look at the 2015 exhibition, “China: Through the Looking Glass,” a melding of Chinese inspired Western fashion and the Museum’s considerable collection of Chinese art.  The hero of the story is Met Costume Institute Curator Andrew Bolton, whose vision and year-long work make the exhibition take shape.  Even as the gala gets underway, he is roaming the hallways, fussing over every detail of the show.  Wintour is on hand to reinforce her “Devil Wears Prada” persona, which she shrugs off when questioned about her bad reputation.  The fashion is stunning, carefully crafted and meticulously handled by the Museum’s reverent staff.  Their glory is challenged by the clothing, hats and jewelry worn by the star-studded guest list.  It was worth the price of admission just to see Rihanna ascend a staircase with an elaborate yellow dress and train.  4 cans.
51.  Paper Towns* (2015) – We’ve seen this kind of movie before:  Somewhat nerdy teenaged boy has a crush on the popular girl in school and will do anything for her.  Here Quentin (Nat Wolff) has lived across the street from popular but enigmatic Margo (Cara Delevigne) since they were kids, but their friendship has never blossomed into romance.  After catching her boyfriend cheating on her, Margo enlists Q in an adventure to seek revenge, which, for the high school senior, marks his first time doing anything so contrary to his straight-laced persona.  He only falls more in love with Margo, who disappears the next day.  Q is convinced that he can track her down through a series of confounding clues she has left behind, whereupon the movie becomes a buddy trip as he and his friends take off from Florida to upstate New York to find her – and, hopefully, make it back in time for prom night.  Will they locate her in time?  Does she want to be found?  Will Q’s nerdiest friend really go to the prom with a pretty and popular girl totally out of his league in real life?  I found nothing new here, and I did not like Margo’s character at all.  Besides, the practical side of me, the one that questions where these kids got the money to travel and how Margo intends to fund her adventure, did not help me accept any of the premises here.  2½ cans.
52.  5 Flights Up* (2015) – Artist Alex Carver (Morgan Freeman) and his wife Ruth (Diane Keaton) are just as in love with each other now as they were 40 years ago when they got married.  They love their Brooklyn neighborhood and dote on their dog Dorothy, but traipsing up 5 flights to get to their apartment is wearing on them, so they reluctantly turn to niece Lily (Cynthia Nixon) to put their home on the market.  Between selling and buying, bidding wars erupt, with complications from what could be a terrorist incident on the nearby bridge.  This movie is propelled more by its warmth and less by the obnoxious characters who come to the open house, invade the couple’s space and make them rethink whether they really want to forsake their routine in favor of a building with an elevator.  Freeman and a less-quirky-than-usual Keaton make a perfect couple and have great chemistry.  They make the movie worth seeing.  3½ cans.
53.  In Vogue: The Editor’s Eye* (2012) – If you are looking for strong female role models, look no further than this documentary on the formidable women who have served as editors and fashion editors of the 120-year old fashion magazine.  From Diana Vreeland to Anna Wintour, from Polly Mellon to Grace Coddington, these women have their fingers on the pulse of fashion and have for decades.  Their selection and depiction of fashion displayed in the magazine reinforce or create new trends, establish the careers of designers and launch models into superstardom.  And each of them is fierce.  Designer Vera Wang started her career as an assistant to fashion editor Polly Mellon, a steely-eyed woman who Wang describes as a nightmare.  These women are all trendsetters, have strength in their convictions, and most of them stayed in their jobs for decades.  This was my second Wintour movie this month, and this one was equal to its predecessor.  4 cans.
54.  An Unfinished Life* (2005) – Let’s face it, Robert Redford looks mighty fine wearing a cowboy hat and riding a horse.  Here he is Einar, an aging rancher living in Wyoming and feeling bitter over the death of his adult son.  He leads a quiet, stoic life, taking care of his friend and former ranch hand Mitch (Morgan Freeman), who was crippled when he was mauled by a bear.  One day a desperate woman shows up on his doorstep with the granddaughter (Becca Gardner) he didn’t know he had.  She is Jean (Jennifer Lopez), his son’s widow, whom he blames for the death of his son.  She is a victim of domestic violence, trying to escape her boyfriend (Damian Lewis).  Einar is the strong silent type who doesn’t warm up or forgive easily, even as he grows attached to his 11-year old granddaughter.  Despite his advanced age, he can ward off younger men who cross his path.  But can anyone forgive the bear?  Can they ALL live peacefully?  Jean has her demons and Mitch has the marauding bear, while Einar wrestles with himself.  3½ cans.
55.  The Godfather Saga (not sure of the date) – Even after a zillion viewings and despite knowing every line, I relish the opportunity to watch genius at work.  The sprawling saga that combines The Godfather and The Godfather II in chronological order ranks up in my top five all-time favorite movies.  The story, the acting, the detail – I love every frame.  If you don’t know the plot and the highlights by now, there is no sense in my trying to summarize it beyond telling you it is epic.  Loved every minute.  5 cans.
56.  Same Time Next Year (1978) – A married accountant and a housewife meet at a small California inn and are immediately attracted to each other.  They continue to return for yearly trysts that are shown in 5-year increments.  Their ardor for each other never wanes over the 25 years we get to be voyeurs of this funny, warm and loving relationship.  Although I would never condone philandering, this relationship is so much more than that.  Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn are at their peak performance levels as George and Doris, who sometimes are on completely different – and highly amusing – wavelengths.  I love this movie and would be happy to watch it at the same time every year.  4½ cans.
57.  Hoop Dreams (1994) – Simply put, this documentary that chronicles the lives of two inner-city Chicago high school basketball players is the best sports documentary of all time.  Director Steve James shot 300 hours of footage over 5 years, tracing the basketball dreams of Arthur Agee Jr. and William Gates from the time they were 14 until they graduated from high school.  Both promising athletes, they had to survive the realities of urban life – poverty, family issues and injuries – while holding out hope for college scholarships and professional basketball careers.  Recruited by a prestigious suburban high school that they traveled three hours a day to attend, the teammates were separated when Agee’s family couldn’t come up with the money and he couldn’t come up with the grades.  Indifferent students but potential basketball prodigies, both players had inconsistent careers, Agee plagued by poor grades and high expectations, and Gates by knee injuries, surgery and rehab.  This movie shows the struggles, the challenges and the hoop dreams of so many kids who think they will make it to the pros.  Life doesn’t always work out the way we plan.  5 cans.
58.  Breach (2007) – Robert Hanssen (Chris Cooper) is a tough, taciturn, church-going, Bible-quoting FBI agent who just happens to be selling US secrets to Russia.  Young Eric (Ryan Phillippe) is an FBI technology expert and aspiring gent whom the Bureau assigns to work for Hanssen and get the goods on a man responsible for breaching US security.  This suspenseful drama is based on the real-life case of the Russian spy.  Eric has to be fast on his feet to avoid detection on the part of the wary Hanssen, and he cannot disclose his assignment even to his increasingly impatient wife.  It is hard to know whom to trust, and Hanssen is a very experienced, perceptive operative, so working with him and against him is a tough assignment for Eric.  The movie is taut and compelling as Eric takes orders from his superiors and tries to keep Hanssen in the dark.  3½ cans.
59.  Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont* (2005) – I’d like to thank the algorithms of Amazon Video for suggesting I might like this little gem of a movie.  Mrs. Palfrey (Joan Plowright) is a genteel, elderly widow who moves into the Claremont, a residential hotel in London not quite as antic as “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel,” but inhabited by seniors who create their own family.  One day Mrs. Palfrey literally stumbles upon aspiring writer Ludo (Rupert Friend) when she takes a spill outside his basement flat.  He gallantly helps her up and takes her in to make her tea, and a friendship that spans the generations is born.  The regulars at the hotel assume he is her grandson, and Ludo and Mr. Palfrey play along.  What is family anyway, but a group of people who care about you?  Accidents of birth are not required.  The charming young man is devoted to his “Sa Sa,” and he helps heal her loneliness.  I fell instantly in love with this movie.  From now on, when Netflix or Amazon Video suggest some movie I might like based on others I have seen, I’m all in.  4½ cans.