Friday, June 14, 2019

Thoughts of Spring

I woke up this morning feeling itchy, achy, anxious and cranky.  I’m well on my way to creating a new set of 7 Dwarfs.

I didn’t have much food in the house the other day, so I just had a sandwich for lunch. OK, it was an ice cream sandwich, but it was a sandwich…

I must confess that I am a bit skeptical when I read detailed memoirs.  How can the authors recall the date, time and specifics from incidents that happened years ago (unless they took copious notes even as children)?  I can’t remember what I ate for lunch.  Oh, right, it was an ice cream sandwich.

In case you missed it, Heinz, the brand long associated with ketchup, now has introduced mustard.  My first thought was, “What took you so long?”  After all, Heinz has been selling ketchup forever; ketchup is used on hamburgers; hamburgers are often served with hotdogs; mustard goes on hotdogs.  Follow the logic?  I wonder whether Heinz will become the "gold" standard of mustard.  And Heinz also has launched the Heinz version of “Real Mayonnaise.”  Look out, Hellman’s!  Heinz is coming for you, too.

I never know whether I wake up at 4 am because I have to go to the bathroom or if I go to the bathroom at 4 am because I’m up.

I’m having a good hair day, but the only person who would know that besides me is the cashier at Costco.  She didn’t mention it.

I think the resemblance between chocolate chips (a very good thing) and raisins (dried up grapes) is unfair in things like cookies, muffins and scones.  I’m always disappointed when what I think is a chocolate chip cookie turns out to be oatmeal raisin.

We are already living in a self-centered world, and increasingly our world is becoming more about self-service. I just found out that the two branches of Chase Bank near me will no longer offer teller services.  You can use the ATM (which is the original self-service part of the bank), but you can’t cash a check, break a hundred-dollar bill or even grab a lollipop, I guess.  You can start a new account, but I’m not sure how to handle my existing one without any help on hand.  I already pay most of my bills online, which is about as self-sufficient as I care to be.  What happens when I need to cash a check?  I guess I will be forced to download yet another self-service app and take a picture of the check to deposit it electronically.  This move means that I have to do more, and the people employed by the bank will be cashing unemployment checks.  Just not at that branch.

Whatever happened to paper bags?  The push is on to ban all plastic bags in the grocery store, and I often bring my own bags to transport my haul home, but I need paper to hold my recycling of magazines, junk mail, etc.  When I find them available at the register, I notice that they are thin to the point of being flimsy, and they are barely tall enough to hold a box of Special K.  How am I supposed to recycle the paper stuff without a paper bag?

The word “extraordinary” SHOULD mean really ordinary, not better than ordinary.  That meaning should be UNORDINARY.

I am a victim of stalking - by a big, fat fly!  For three 3 days, this persistent pest followed me around the house like a house pet -- unless, of course, there is a battalion of flies waiting in each room to buzz past my ear while I swat at them futilely!  I got plenty of suggestions on how to handle this situation, from getting a cat (never going to happen) to spraying him with either starch (who keeps spray starch around anymore? I could maybe hurl a potato in his direction, but he was so fast and elusive…), hairspray or Windex (this from a friend of Greek origin, and if you know the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” you know the family patriarch used Windex to solve all of life’s problems).   Finally, tuckered out from all that buzzing around and presumably thinking that I had left the house, he settled on the kitchen table, where I was able to sneak up behind him and end it all with my trusty fly swatter.  I need a nap.

I am patting myself on the back for fixing the igniter on my Weber grill.  I couldn’t even find the paperwork for the grill to order a new one, but I found a video on YouTube that did the trick.  All it needed was a new battery.  Who knew that an igniter HAD a battery?  Throw the shrimp on the barbie!

It’s a good thing that no one can see or read the content in the bubble over my head when I am listening to someone drone on about something of no interest to me.

I saw a cartoon showing a CVS receipt getting stuck in multiple trees.  I could do a month’s worth of shopping in Costco and the receipt would be a fraction of the length of one from CVS.

I think we all go to the supermarket for just one or two things and walk out with two bags and at least $40 poorer.  And if you go to Costco, just hand them $100 as you walk in, because that’s what it will cost you when you try to leave the building.  Or more.  Once I went there to buy a rotisserie chicken and came out with a new set of cordless phones.  All told, it cost me about $100.  I still have and use the phones, and the chicken was delicious.

You know you’re getting old when you have more ice packs in your freezer than actual food.

I can’t believe I am still watching “Survivor!”  But it takes me until the last two episodes to finally learn the names of the contestants.

When you are in a book club, you read books you otherwise might not have read, some of which you love, and some of which you may dislike.  I was trying to force myself to read one recently that I really didn’t like and finally gave up.  I figured that champion home organizer Marie Kondo would say I should stop reading because the book did not bring me joy.

I can tell when my friends have been busy all day because suddenly there will be an influx of “LIKES” on my Facebook page.

After about eight years of wearing the same glasses, it is time for a new prescription and new frames.  But picking out new frames is daunting, especially if, like me, you wear glasses every day.  I wouldn’t want to wear contacts or have surgery and not need glasses, since they are so much a part of me and my identity.  I just don’t know yet what I want or how I look.  This is a high stakes venture.  Thank goodness I have a friend standing by to provide objective advice on which frames to choose.

Spring means it is time to plant flowers, but between physical ailments (back and shoulder) and general laziness, I could not do this chore on my own.  One of my avid gardener friends says digging in the dirt brings her joy.  I hate digging in the dirt, so instead, my landscape guy, Pedro, takes care of it for me.  Pedro brings me joy.

I have to admit that I am confused about those “shaper” undergarments that are supposed to consolidate all of the fat around your middle so you can fit better into your clothes.  Where does the fat go?  It is still on your body but constricted in a way that probably inhibits the functionality of your working organs.  But you look good, right, and what’s better than that?

As a few of my old high school friends and I strolled through our hometown, Somerville, recently, we looked at the storefronts and tried to recall what businesses used to be in those spaces.  The old record store, a kid’s clothing store, a shoe store and the former Candy Kitchen are all long gone, as is the drug store where we stopped before going to the movies at the Cort Theater -- which is also gone.  In their places are new kinds of businesses, including a place that provides eyelash and brow services, a barre studio, several ice cream places, bars and lots of restaurants with outdoor seating.  There are fitness places and nail and hair salons, a spa and a dollar store (the closest thing we had to that was Woolworth’s 5 and Dime, but everything was cheaper then).  The only place that had the right feel was an antique store, because it carried lots of the items we had in our own homes, like a meat grinder, an eggbeater (no food processors for us!), kids’ games and old telephones.  Who knew that all of our junk would one day be popular and valuable?

Is there anything more annoying than when your socks slip down into your shoe?  Will than happen with my new “No-Show” socks?  There is much less to slip!

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Tina's May 2019 Movies

I'm branching out to include mini-series since there have been some good ones on recently.  And besides, if I watch something for 4 or more hours that I might want to recommend, why not share it?  If you have been here before, you know the deal:  Movies are rated 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 being at the top.  Movies (or shows) I had not seen previously are marked with an asterisk* and numbering picks up from previous months. 

58.  Ask Dr. Ruth* (2019) – Who knew there was a whole genre of movies about powerful but diminutive Jewish women named Ruth who became icons in their professions?  Last year was the year of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  This year brings us a documentary about renowned sex therapist, talk show guest, radio and TV host and lecturer Dr. Ruth Westheimer, best known for her frank, no-nonsense view of sex.  This tiny powerhouse is relentlessly cherry and constantly on the move, even at the age of 90.  The movie reveals that as a 10-year old living in Germany she was sent to Switzerland to avoid the impending Holocaust, with memories that she recounts with no tears or rancor.  I was really impressed with Dr. Ruth as a woman, a researcher, a therapist and, for some time, as a single mother.  I wish I had just a fraction of her energy and optimism.  4 cans.
59.  Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile* (2019) – That description of executed serial killer Ted Bundy by the judge who presided over his last cases seems particularly apt.  Bundy (Zac Efron), an attractive, intelligent sociopath who killed a succession of women in multiple states, acted as his own attorney, protesting his innocence and denigrating the authorities who had plenty of evidence against him.  It is safe to say most people in the late 70s know the story.  What I didn’t know is that Bundy had a girlfriend (Lilly Collins) who was a single mother.  Even she had her doubts about Bundy early on; the coincidences of the murders and his travels, his car and his description were enough to make her call the police.  But love is blind, right?  And she couldn’t be sure.  Bundy was more than a charming scamp.  While this movie (thankfully) omits footage of the victims and what he did to them, the courtroom descriptions are quite enough.  He was a killer who acted alone with violence and complete disregard for human life.  The movie was well done, but aside from the girlfriend revelation and the fact that he marries an old friend while in jail because his girlfriend refuses to take his calls, there is nothing new here.  3½ cans.
60.  The Mayo Clinic, Faith, Hope and Science* (2018) – This Ken Burns documentary tells the story of the founding the remarkable Mayo Clinic 150 years ago by W.W. Mayo and how this “Medical Mecca” has saved the lives of thousands of patients.  The respected institution is known not only for its outstanding diagnostic work but also for its medical research and the development of new procedures, treatments and devices that keep patient care in the forefront.  If you have any interest in medicine, take two hours and watch it on Netflix (or PBS, where it originally aired).  4 cans.
61.  At the Heart of Gold: The USA Gymnastics Scandal* (2019) – You would have to have been living under a rock not to know about the sexual abuse scandal involving Dr. Larry Nasser, team physician of the US Women’s Gymnastics Team.  Nassar used his access to the young women (some not even teenagers yet) to “treat” their athletic injuries in what could at best be called an unconventional way.  His constant talking to them, taking an interest in aspects of their lives not normally shared between doctor and patient should have set off alerts that he was grooming these young ladies.  This HBO documentary covers their so-called treatments in about as much detail as I could take.  The crime here is not just Nasser’s; the USA gymnastics officials and administrators at Michigan State University are equally complicit for ignoring the complaints by those girls brave enough to raise them and for not enforcing the rules they devised to prevent similar incidents.  This is a tawdry story with a real message – listen to kids (and people in general) who tell you something is wrong, because it probably is.  Even if they cannot define it or understand it, such incidents must be pursued.  Hundreds of young women suffered as a result of the inaction of the adults who should have known better.  3 cans.
62.  Big Little Lies* (2018) – This HBO series seemed to me to be an updated version of “Desperate Housewives,” complete with rape, murder, infidelity and domestic violence, all amid a “Lifestyles of the Rich and Overbearing” setting in Northern California.  It includes the talents of actresses and producers such as Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Laura Dern, Shailene Woodley and a host of nearly interchangeable men who are far less important as ther on-screen husbands, exes and partners.  Almost everyone lives in a beautiful house, with stunning views, adorable children and secrets galore.  And don’t cross some of these women or they will get you.  The series debuted last year, based on a popular book by Lianne Moriarity that I had not read (which everyone, of course, insists is better than the series) and as we work our way through the trials and tribulations of the protagonists, we can count on upcoming season 2 to present more of the same.  I had heard such great things about it that I felt I should watch it, and maybe I will succumb to the temptation of seeing Meryl Streep come to Monterey in the upcoming season 2, but overall, I found it just a little too pretty and superficial (despite the secrets and twists) to heartily endorse.  3 cans.
63.  Perfect Bid* (2018) – There are fans and there are fanatics, and in this Netflix documentary, Ted Slauson falls into the latter category.  Ted not only watches the game show “The Price is Right” faithfully (starting as a kid), he charts the price of every item featured on the show, compiling a huge databank of information that he memorized.  It took Ted a couple of dozen visits to the show before he was selected to compete, but in the meantime, he gladly shared his knowledge with other contestants by calling out the prices.  They could accept or ignore his answers, but those lucky folks who took advantage of his vast knowledge went home with plenty of merchandise.  Ted could best be described as a nerd, a guy who can recall the price pf every item he tracked watching the show.  After an absence of 10 years, Ted returned and managed to be in on a controversy about whether the show was fixed (it was not).  There are worse hobbies to have, I suppose, and I DID watch this (don’t ask me why; I haven’t watched “The Price is Right” in decades), but I really wanted to tell Ted to get a life.  2 cans.
64.  Shawshank Redemption (1994) – I’m not reviewing this movie, which is one of my all-time favorites, but rather extolling the virtues of seeing it for the first time in a movie theater.  In case you think that size doesn’t matter, you’re wrong!  Also, relishing the richness and emotional experience of this movie without the distraction of checking my cellphone, commercial interruptions or other disruptions made it that much more special.  It was playing in the local theater as part of a monthly series of classics shown on the big screen.  I will be glad to see other movies I may have missed in the way in which they were intended to be viewed.  And this one is a winner in any format.  5 cans.
65.  Easy A* (2010) – Emma Stone shines in this modern-day version of “The Scarlet Letter.”  Stone plays Olive, a smart, quick-witted high school student who is nagged by her best friend to reveal that she lost her virginity, even though it never happened.  The admission backfires when Olive’s “secret” gets out and she is labeled as Hester Prynne from the classic story.  She plays along and exploits her image reversal for a while, until she sees that people are making nasty judgments about her that started with her little white lie.  Social acceptance and the meanness of high school kids is on full display here, and Stone provides plenty of sass along with vulnerability.  3 cans.
66.  Les Miserables* (2019) – By now, we all know the story of Frenchman Jean Valjean, the good-hearted but desperate man who is imprisoned for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread.  He is a man of immense strength, both physically and emotionally, and once he is out of jail, he turns his life around.  But he cannot escape the relentless Inspector Jauvert, whose life’s work is to see Valjean in prison once again.  This 6-part, non-musical version of the classic Victor Hugo tale was presented on PBS, and it measures up or surpasses the previous versions – all of which I think I have seen.  Dominic West gives a powerful performance as Valjean, with David Oyelowo as the relentless Inspector Javert and Lily Collins as the luckless single mother Fantine, whose problems are caused by Valjean, who feels responsible for her demise.  This is an excellent production of the familiar tale and I enjoyed every bit of it.  4½ cans.
67.  The Confirmation* (2019) – Clive Owen plays Walt, a down-on-his-luck carpenter and divorced dad of 8-year old Anthony (Jaeden Lieberher).  When Anthony’s mother and stepfather (Maria Bello and Matthew Modine) leave town for a weekend, they reluctantly leave Walt in charge.  Anthony has been studying for his confirmation and is wrestling with ethical and moral questions when he enters the confessional because he’s too young to recognize things that might be considered sins.  By the end of the weekend, he has much more familiarity with lying, stealing and other non-biblical issues, like pointing a gun.  Walt leaves Anthony in charge of his truck when he stops at a bar, and when Anthony abandons his post, Walt’s tools are stolen. The movie then becomes a father-son buddy movie, as the pair go to great lengths to find the thief and get back the tools Walt needs to get a job and make some money.  The irresponsible father and the maturing boy make good and bad decisions and build a relationship they previously did not have.  3 cans.
68.  Good Morning, Miss Dove (1955) – Jennifer Jones plays the title character, a taciturn schoolteacher who we can disparagingly call an “old maid.”  She is devoted to her students and her craft, as we see through a series of flashbacks that show her transition from an active young woman to one who is forced into a life of work that was unplanned.  She is tough on the students, who dread having her as a teacher but, who, deep down, develop a true respect and love for her.  Along the way, her students become police officers, doctors and mothers.  I remember first seeing this movie when I was a teenager and admiring Miss Dove’s devotion, but I have to admit that now it seems so corny and outdated.  Still, there is always room for movies about characters who behave with honor as they try to elevate the standards of those around them.  2½ cans.
69.  Taking Chance (2009) – Kevin Bacon is Marine Colonel Michael Strobl, an officer who volunteers to escort the body of young Marine Chance Phelps to his final resting place after his death in combat.  All along the way, each person involved in handling the young man’s body – whether cleaning his personal effects, draping the flag on the coffin, transporting the box onto and off of an airplane – pays the utmost respect to the fallen Marine, and Colonel Strobl accompanies the body with dignity and honor.  This movie is based on a true story and it is a moving account that reminds us – especially watching it on Memorial Day – of the sacrifices of the people who have served our country.  4 cans and some tissues, please.
70.  Fosse/Verdon* (2019) – Bob Fosse was a legendary Broadway choreographer and director, responsible for such shows and movies as “Damn Yankees,” “Sweet Charity,” “Chicago” and “Cabaret.”  His wife, dancer/actress Gwen Verdon, starred in most of them.  The Fosse depicted here (Sam Rockwell) is best described as a self-centered prick, a conniving, non-trustworthy man who cheats on his wife, is addicted to booze, drugs and sex, and is generally a supremely talented but impossible person to love.  Verdon (Michelle Williams) is sweetness and light but with a hard edge, always worried about her career but with a huge soft spot for Fosse.  I was never a fan of Fosse’s unique style of choreography, but I understand how his interpretation of a story through dance was so successful.  This drama delivers lots of punch, and the performances by the leads are exceptional.  Watching this series was worth every minute of the 8 parts.  4 cans.
71.  The Kids Are Alright (2010) – The kids may be alright, but the adults have plenty of issues.  Nic and Jules (Annette Benning and Julianne Moore) have been together for a long time despite very visible differences between them.  Nic is an uptight doctor and Jules is a free spirit who tries on careers like pairs of shoes.  They have raised two kids, each of them carrying a baby conceived through a sperm donor.  When the kids get curious about their biological father, they quickly and easily locate him.  Paul (Mark Ruffalo) is just a big kid himself, laid back and unassuming and perfectly happy to enter into this new family situation.  Not only is he comfortable with the kids, but it isn’t long before he and Jules get involved.  Will the new dad break up this nuclear family?  Will Jules go straight?  This is a good look at decisions, behavior and consequences.  3½ cans.
72.  St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) – The Brat Pack shines in this movie about post-Breakfast Club kids (with several of the OG cast members – Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez and Judd Nelson) who are now done with college and embarking on careers.  In your 20s, life is all about hopes and dreams, fear and failure, and, most of all here, friends.  This group of 7 were all college friends, all involved intimately in each other’s lives.  Andrew McCarthy is in love with Ally Sheedy, who lives with young Republican Judd Nelson.  Estevez is in love with a doctor, Andie McDowell, who is way over his pay grade.  Mare Winningham is the dowdy girl in love with impossible handsome bad boy Rob Lowe, and Demi Moore is alternatively in love with and hates herself.  They are self-centered yet supportive – most of the time.  They drink too much, party too much and have intense relationships as they struggle to find their places in the adult world.  I can’t believe this movie is nearly 35 years old.  I still enjoyed watching it.  3½ cans.