Time for a Smile

It is hard to be lighthearted in the wake of the recent heinous, hateful crimes committed by white supremacists such as the KKK in Charlottesville, VA.  As a Jew, I have grown up with sincere empathy for all oppressed groups within this country and with genuine fear of neo-Nazis and others who demonstrate more covert anti-Semitism.  All of this hate breaks my heart, and the absence of real leadership in the White House to denounce these people for what they are – racists and anti-Semites – is appalling.  So sending this month’s random thoughts weighs on my mind, but I do think that as important as it is for all of us to do the right thing, it is important to have joy in our lives, too.  So here is my attempt to lighten the load – if only for a moment.
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I may have accidentally taken a melatonin pill (to make me sleep better) instead of my multivitamin today, so if I yawn, don’t think that you are boring me – unless zzzzz.

I looked at my hands the other day and I thought my mother was still alive.

I’m trying to decide whether getting back to people promptly on email and social media makes them think that I am extremely responsive or that I have no life.

Recently I was involved in a hit and run accident.  A deer plowed into the side of my car and ran off.  At least I think it was a deer.  Fortunately, my passenger and I were OK, the car was still drivable, the doors opened, the windows worked, the airbags did not deploy and no glass was broken.  I never saw the deer again, so he must have run off as quickly as he could.  I think it might have been gang-related, because my friend and I saw a bunch of deer that night.  I hope Bambi made it home safely.  Meanwhile, the free concert from which I was returning that night ended up costing me $500 for my deductible on my insurance, which picked up the rest of the $5000 tab.  That deer made a dent in my wallet as well as my car!

If you are ever looking for a quiet place to settle in and read a good book, I highly recommend the traffic light at the corner of Hillsborough Road and Route 206.  It is soooo long from the Hillsborough Road side that you could make a considerable dent in “War & Peace.”

Don’t you hate it when you get into the left turn lane a little late and the little green arrow doesn’t come on, so you have to wait and wait until you can make your turn?  Meanwhile, there were exactly NO CARS as you approached the intersection, and now that you are there, the traffic in the opposite direction is in a long line.

I am a little bit worried that this morning's call from Card Services, which always comes from a robotic voice named Rachel, today came from Veronica. Do you think they got rid of Rachel because I never would speak with her?  Now do I have to get ready to hang up on Veronica every day? Just wondering.

Today I thwarted an attempted escape by a pair of socks. I spotted a pair of them hiding behind the dryer (only because the washer had jimmied itself out of position).  They were being aided by an errant sock unrelated to the pair.  All are being held for questioning and will be washed and released but will remain under house arrest. 

I need to confess something:  I never look at the back on my hair.  Sure, when my hairdresser hands me that mirror so I can tell that she cut it, I take a peek, but every day?  If I like what I see in the front, I’m satisfied.  I figure most people are seeing my front side anyway.  No one’s looking at me from behind.  In fact, according to my BFF, no one looks at either of us anymore, so who cares?

Speaking of hair, I’ve probably said this before, but wearing a hat is a commitment.  Or a resignation.  Because once you put one on, you are resigned to having “hat hair,” which you can get away with if you are only sunbathing or in a pool, but don’t even think of removing the hat and trying to look good.  It just never works.  Once the hat commitment has been made, keep it on until the next shower.  Even if that’s not until the next day.

Conversation between me and a bunch of 4-year old campers in the locker room at the pool the other day:
Me: Should I sign up to be a camper with you?
4YOs: No, you’re too old to be a camper. How old are you?
Me: You have to guess.
4YOs: 16?
Me: No, older than that.
4YOs: 17? 18? 19?
Me: Yeah, 19. Let’s go with that.
4YO Girl: I’m 4 and my name is Skylar. You better remember my name.
Me: Ok, Skylar. I will remember your name.

The problem with going to aqua aerobics three times a week is that I can’t seem to rid myself of that chemical/chlorine smell, even after taking a shower and using 2 different soaps with fragrance.  I asked my friend Leslie, a lifeguard, swim instructor and pool manager who spent years as a competitive swimmer, about this issue and she could do no more than commiserate.

I’m pretty sure that the pink hand towels I use to stand on the floor of the locker room at my pool are the same ones my mother bought for me when I went away to college.  You know, in 1968!  #theydon’tmakethemtolastthislonganymore

Today I decided to break in my new $160 New Balance sneakers on my daily walk.  That’s right, $160 sneakers – excuse me, “walking shoes.”  For that price, forget walking.  I want to be carried around on a giant throne, a comfortable giant throne, for $160.  And may my feet never touch the pavement.

It amazes me to see so many displays in stores of every kind – Walmart, ShopRite, Bed Bath & Beyond – for those stainless steel water bottles.  Way back when, comedian George Carlin wondered when Americans got so thirsty since everyone was carrying plastic bottles of water.  Well, George, now it is all about COLD water, and every store sells these not-inexpensive (though very effective) containers to keep us hydrated.  I wonder what was on those end-cap displays BEFORE the drought hit us.

Do you think there’s something wrong with someone who can’t sleep at night but is ready for a nap at noon?  Asking for a friend.

I just received a “Breaking News” message from Travelocity to tell me I am eligible for a special travel deal that ends in the next 24 hours.  It went on to say “Won’t last long.”  Does that mean the 24 hours?  I think I know how long THAT lasts.

You know that new style of tops for women with the bare, “cold shoulder?”  Well, you won’t see one of those on me.  Personally, I don’t expose my shoulders in anything other than a bathing suit.  And my poor sister, with surgical procedures on each of her shoulders in the past year, promises never to succumb to this trend.  Besides, it will be out of date by this time next year.

I am so mad at myself for inadvertently buying Bounty paper towels that are NOT “select a size.”  I now have to suffer through 6 super rolls (that are the same as 8 regular rolls) of sheets that are too large and wasteful.  Let’s face it, the world would be a better place for all of us if this were the worst crisis we had to face.

Is it me or does anyone else have problems with those automatic paper towel dispensers?  You know, the ones where you put your hands under the box on the wall and the paper towels are supposed to come out.  I never seem to have my hands in the right place to dispense the towel and I look like someone doing pantomime as I move my hands all around.  Strangely enough, in the locker room at my gym, you can be in the shower and suddenly you hear the dispenser activating itself, but when I move my hands all around it like a blackjack dealer – nothing.

I was told to add plant food to my tomato plant. I guess it is only fair that if it feeds me, I should feed it.

My HGTV addiction is getting worse.  Now I find myself yelling at the TV if the people on “House Hunters” select the house that I feel is the wrong choice.  And please, Chip and Joanna Gaines, can we have just ONE house on your “Fixer Upper” show that does not have “ship lap” on the walls?  In the old days, it was called paneling, but you turn it sideways, use old wood and call it ship lap.  Paneling became very dated.  I foresee that happening here eventually.  So just stop!

And speaking of Chip & Joanna, the final segment of the show begins with the two of them holding a giant picture of the house BEFORE renovations were made.  They then say to the homeowners, “Are you ready to see your fixer-upper?” and then we go to commercial.  Really, is there anyone who ISN’T ready to see their newly-renovated home?  I mean, isn’t that the point of the show?

Tina's July 2017 Movies

Movies here are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 at the top.  Those movies marked with an asterisk are ones I had not seen previously.  Numbering picks up from previous months.

79.  Speak* (2006) – Kristen Stewart seldom speaks in this movie about a quiet, pained teenager starting high school.  She is distanced from her well-meaning but somewhat inept parents, doesn’t associate with other kids in school very well and barely answers questions in class.  But she has a good reason for her reluctance to verbalize her thoughts.  At a party prior to the start of high school she was raped by an upperclassman, a popular boy who turned a deaf ear to her strident pleas as he satisfied himself with her in a parked car.  She called the police but when they arrived to mass chaos at the party, she chickened out, not revealing the crime to them or to anyone – friends, family, counselors.  She wants it to just go away, but it hangs over her like a heavy overcoat.  She is wounded, nearly paralyzed by her experience, and it determines all of her relationships, fears and reluctance.  The story is a good one and timely, as rape culture is prevalent in high schools and across college campuses.  You want her to confide in someone, but will anyone take her seriously?  Stewart was well cast in a part where resignation and vulnerability reign supreme.  3 cans.

80.  Primal Fear* (1996) – Richard Gere plays attorney Martin Vail in this legal drama about the murder of a monsignor in Chicago.  Aaron Stampler (Edward Norton) is a 19-year old altar boy who had access to the victim’s bedroom and is captured with blood all over him.  Although the evidence seems to point directly at this innocent looking kid, Marty, a prominent defense attorney who once worked for the prosecution, eagerly volunteers to take the case and add to his reputation as the best defender in Chicago.  Should he have the kid plead innocent by virtue of insanity?  How will his opposing counsel, a woman he once dated (Laura Linney) and who knows his many tricks, stake out her case opposing him?  This legal drama had plenty of suspense, and although I was close to figuring out the twists and turns by the end, I enjoyed it anyway.  3½ cans.

81.  The Big Sick* (2017) – Whether it is a big Jewish family in “Goodbye Columbus” or a big Greek family in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” or here, a Pakistani family, there are always parents with expectations and always kids there to disappoint them.  Kumail (Kumail Nanjiani) drives for Uber when he’s not doing standup and dreaming of the bigtime as a comic.   He comes from a traditional Pakistani family and is expected to agree to an arranged marriage, and his overbearing mother has no shortage of young, attractive Pakistani women who just happen to “drop by” the house when he is there for dinner.  But Kumail, who has been raised in the US, doesn’t see his future arranged.  And when he meets pretty Caucasian Emily (Zoe Kazan), a grad student, they hit it off immediately despite their cultural differences.  He knows that being with her will alienate him from his family.  And then she gets sick.  Movie star sick.  Her parents (the always feisty Holly Hunter and Ray Romano) come to town to manage her care and meet Kumail for the first time.  This movie stresses the opposites attract vibe, but it is tasteful, intelligent and different from the pure comedy movies mentioned above.  Kumail based the story on his own true-life experience, and it is a story worth telling.  3½ cans. 

82.  The Breakfast Club (1985) – The brilliant John Hughes delivered such classic high school movies as “Pretty in Pink,” “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” “Sixteen Candles” and this one, all centered around teenagers who are neglected and worse by their rarely-seen parents.  (Of course, in “Home Alone,” the parents accidentally abandon their young son, who is left to fend for himself and endures hilarious hijinks.)  Here we are at Shermer High, where high school stereotypes meet for Saturday detention.  They are a delinquent (Judd Nelson), a princess (Molly Ringwald), a geek (Anthony Michael Hall), a jock (Emelio Estevez) and a misfit who barely speaks (Ally Sheedy), there to remain silent and endure the oversight of teacher Mr. Vernon (Paul Gleason).  Over the course of the day the unlikely quintet with seemingly nothing in common screams at each other, defies authority, smokes the weed stashed in Nelson’s character’s locker and comes to understand that despite their outward differences, they actually have plenty in common.  When Nelson walks away at the end with his fist raised in defiance, the 80s generation finds a new hero.  Hughes also was the force behind two of my favorite comedies, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” and “Mr. Mom,” two films outside the teen angst arena.  It is a shame he died so prematurely, or we likely would have been treated to many more memorable comedies.  As the Simple Minds song goes, “Don’t you forget about me.”  Don't worry, John.  We won’t. 3½ cans.

83.  Carole King in Concert* (2017) –After more than a decade of co-writing such pop hits as “The Locomotion,” “One Fine Day,” and “Up on the Roof” with lyricist and then-husband Gerry Goffin, Carole King went out on her own in the early 1970s and created the classic “Tapestry,” an album of such depth and beauty that it remained the best-selling album of all time until Michael Jackson came along with Thriller a generation later.  Here she poignantly reminds us to “Wake up every morning with a smile on your face;” laments the end of a romance in “It’s Too Late;” wonders aloud, “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” and commits to the longevity of a relationship in “You’ve Got a Friend.”  I have never seen her perform live, so I went happily to experience her wondrous music nearly first-hand.  It was her first time performing the entire album, and when it was done, she gave us a medley of some of the hits listed above.  She pounds that piano, displays some mad guitar licks and enthralls the 65,000 people singing every word on a beautiful London night.  “Tapestry” to me was a life-changing album that is still selling today.  Carole is 74 now, her voice a bit thinner, but her music provides meaning to generations of fans from 40 years ago until today.  I promise, Carole, I will still love you tomorrow.  4½ cans.

84.  August Rush* (2007) – Rock musician Louis (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) meets cello player Lyla (Keri Russell) and their instant, one night chemistry leads to the birth of a son.  But Lyla’s controlling father prevents the relationship from progressing beyond the one night stand and he tells her in the hospital that she has lost the baby.  Fast forward to an 11-year old Evan (Freddie Highmore), growing up in an orphanage and convinced he will find his parents.  Musically gifted, the young prodigy escapes and meets “the Wizard,” a Fagen-like character (played by Robin Williams) who aims to exploit the boy’s talent and deny him the chance of reuniting with his parents.  Love (and music) is a strong force, however, and no one here is about to give up.  Highmore turns in a stunning performance in a heart-warming movie.  3½ cans.

85.  Dunkirk* (2017) – War is hell, and if you don’t believe that adage, go and see this epic WWII movie about Allied Forces trapped on the beach in France in 1940.  Producer/director Christopher Nolan has perfectly captured the action in the air and on the seas as English soldiers wait on the beach for transport by any and all vessels available.  It is harrowing, as the boats are targeted by bombardiers and the men aboard them literally jump ship in an effort to survive.  I’m not typically a fan of the war movie genre, but this one is captivating enough to move swiftly through the story.  Kudos to the cast (Mark Rylance, Fionn Whitehead, Thomas Hardy, Kenneth Branaugh, Harry Styles) for their fortitude in overcoming challenging conditions throughout the filming.  3½ cans.

86.  Maudie* (2017) – This movie is the opposite of “Dunkirk.”  It is quiet, eschewing bombings and aerial dogfights in favor of establishing the relationship between a woman forsaken by her family who takes a menial job as a housekeeper to a taciturn fishmonger.  The house is barely a shack, but Maudie (Sally Hawkins in a performance sure to garner an Oscar nomination) brightens up the interior with her paintings.  Although she is arthritic, she is able to create cheery scenes on the walls of the modest home she shares with Everett (Ethan Hawke).  The house is so small that there is only one bed, and Maudie is forced to share it with her employer.  One thing leads to another, and the inevitable relationship is born.  He is a very private man and begins to resent the attention Maudie gets when her story is told on Canadian TV.  Cold and unaccepting, Everett begins to understand he has real feelings for Maude.  I don’t want to ruin the plot – which is based on a true story – but if you yearn for the anti-blockbuster and don’t mind a wonder woman without superpowers, this might be the movie for you.  3½ cans.

87.  Driving Miss Daisy (1989) – Morgan Freeman has starred in two of my favorite movies, this one and “Shawshank Redemption.”  Here he is Hoke, the man hired by a wealthy businessman (Dan Ackroyd) in Atlanta to drive around his irascible elderly mother.  Miss Daisy (Jessica Tandy, in a wondrous performance), an elderly Jewish widow who remembers her modest upbringing, is more than reluctant to have Hoke’s services.  It takes him days just to get her in the car to go to the supermarket.  But over the years, the two form an unconventional friendship amid the changing times in the South.  The mutual respect and bond they share is the soul of this heartwarming movie.  4½ cans.

88.  Diana, Our Mother – Her Life and Legacy* (2017) – Incredibly, we are approaching the 20^th anniversary of the tragic death of Britain’s Princess Diana, an occasion marked by this documentary of comments made by her now-grown sons – Princes William and Harry – as well as by her friends and the people whose lives she affected with her charitable work.  Her sons admit that dealing with her death, while appropriate to do after all of these years, is still painful.  They depict her as warm, loving and funny, and they say with great conviction that she was the best mother in the world.  The program gives background on her marriage as well as her divorce from Prince Charles and demonstrates how harrowing her existence was as someone constantly hunted down by the press.  Her sons come across as genuine and respectful, with William saying he talks about his mother to his own children so they will know they had another grandmother besides their maternal one.  When the light shines so brightly on someone, it takes a long time for it to dim – if it ever does.  Diana was a gracious woman whose work with homeless people and AIDS patients reflected her kindness and empathy, traits she appears to have passed down to her sons.  It would have been nice to see how her life progressed had she not died in that horrible automobile accident in August of 1997.  3 cans.