September Message from Tina -- Shouldering the Pain

I’m glad I don’t have to return to school this month and answer that age-old question, “How was your summer?”  Because, for the most part, mine was pretty bad, full of pain and angst as I prepped for, underwent and recovered from surgery.  And here’s why there was no Randomthoughtsbytina blog posting in August and why you haven’t heard or seen much of me on social media or in person for a while, which maybe went unnoticed.

At the beginning of August, after 6 months of physical therapy that only minimally improved the condition of my aching shoulder, and two cortisone shots that came up short, I underwent rotator cuff surgery.  Things could be far worse, I know.  After all, I went through colon cancer nearly 20 years ago, and my shoulder was something that could be fixed.

The surgery was to done repair a full rotator cuff tear, a partial tear, a bone spur and a calcium deposit in my right shoulder.  Naturally, I am right-handed.  The doctor assured me he could address these issues arthroscopically, just going in to “clean things up,” which sounds to me like cleaning the kitchen counters, only it isn’t.  Medical procedures always seem to be no big deal when the doctors describe them, but they aren’t the ones who can’t get dressed, sleep in a bed, brush their teeth or comb their hair for weeks afterwards.  My doctor is pretty laid back.  I asked him how long it would be until I could drive again.  He told me I could drive whenever I felt like I could do it.  Three weeks after the surgery, I resumed driving, but only to physical therapy and to ShopRite (which probably missed me more than any of you).  I’m still not ready to tackle driving around the Somerville Circle, or, God forbid, parallel park – which I didn’t do well BEFORE the surgery.  Just reaching back to connect the seatbelt hurts, so I move the seat all the way back to attach it and then move all the way up so I can reach the pedals.  

I really thought this whole process through in advance.  I decided to have surgery during the summer, when I wouldn’t have to wear jackets, coats, sweatshirts, etc. – or slip on the ice of winter – and when I could lounge around in shorts and t-shirts while recovering.  I knew getting dressed would be painful, and I was right.  I just stayed in the same clothes – day and night – for the first 3 days!  I prepped for my recuperation by buying sleeveless tops with buttons or others that I could pull on easily over my neck; it took me two weeks just to wear SHORT sleeves. 

Forget about sleeping in a bed.  I can’t sleep on the shoulder, and even if I prop up my arm to keep it supported, I am afraid I will roll over and hurt myself.  Luckily, I have several recliners, but only one has electric controls on the left side, and since I couldn’t move my right arm much, that became my bed during my recuperation.  After two weeks I was able to move the lever on the recliner in my bedroom, so I graduated from sleeping in the family room to at least sleeping NEAR my bed.  One day I sat in a different recliner in the family room and I couldn’t get out.  I thought I’d have to call 911 and request the jaws of life to extricate me.  

I was worried (justifiably, it turns out) about using my left hand in situations where my right hand has always taken control, which includes anything in the bathroom.  I didn’t realize how very right-handed I was until I couldn’t use it.  Just reaching for a light switch caused me pain.  Brushing my teeth left-handed was an adventure, even with my electric toothbrush.  I’ll refrain from sharing other details.

I made a few good choices, the best of which was scheduling this surgery in the summer and getting my hair cut short.  I couldn’t shower for a week, and after a month I still can’t raise my right arm enough to dry my hair properly, so I lower my head to reach the dryer.  I assumed I wouldn’t be able to lift the cover on my grill, so I figured that making pasta and meatloaf ahead of time and freezing single portions would be better than pouring cereal directly down my throat or confining myself to tuna fish right out of the package.  I can’t cut much of anything and my left hand holds a fork like a two-year old.  

In my usual zeal and attention to detail, I tried to anticipate and address every issue I could think of to prepare for my recuperation.  I bought detergent pods so I could do laundry without having to pour liquid from heavy bottles. I use a “grabber” to fish my socks out of the bottom of the washing machine one-handed.  I even bought a new tube of toothpaste because I figured it would be easier to squeeze with one hand.

I now own every kind of ice pack on the market, some that stick to body parts and others that drape over my shoulder.  There are more ice packs in my freezer than actual food.  I stocked up on bottled water and toilet paper, so I should not need to ask people to stop at the supermarket for these basics, just fresh fruit and real food.  My neighbors, friends and sister have been extremely helpful, but, being fiercely independent and living on my own for more than 40 years, I hate asking anyone for help.  

I prepped by watching videos about the operation itself. I viewed medical illustrations to better understand the shoulder structure and how it would be fixed, and I checked out videos made by patients who had gone through the same surgery.  Those videos informed me of what I would be facing and also scared me!

Since typing was painful even before the surgery, I gladly took a much-needed break from social media.  I can’t type well with my left hand, and although I can speak into my phone, the mistakes that result from that drive me crazy.  I informed everyone who has come to expect an almost instant response from me that I would not be spending time in front of the computer.  In recovery, if I am on my computer any length of time with my arm is at a certain angle, I have to hook myself up to the heating pad to relieve the pain.  

I patiently waited to binge the last season of “Orange is the New Black” so I could savor it while I healed.  I also found a bunch of other binge-worthy programs that weren’t too taxing on my mind, since I can’t concentrate because of the pain.  I washed and dried every bit of laundry I could find, changed my sheets (kind of a waste of time), addressed birthday cards for later in the month, prepaid bills, put a vacation “out-of-office” message on my email and caught up on as much as I could.  

Oh, and did I mention that now my left shoulder is bothering me?  All that extra effort is wearing on it.  And I am dealing with plantar fasciitis in BOTH feet, which limits my ability to walk.  Walking barefoot is out completely.  Now I am wrapping my feet with Ace bandages and wearing the old orthotics I wore years ago when I went through this condition last time. 

So now I go to physical therapy four times a week, twice for my shoulder and twice for my feet.  I am massaged by my physical “terrorist,” I do my exercises and get treated with heat or ice as well as electrical stimulation on both feet and the right shoulder.  I hope I don’t get electrocuted or that the place doesn’t catch on fire!  I went to PT the other day and showed off my latest accomplishment:  I can now wave my right arm!  I have made progress, both from going to PT and from doing my exercises at home.  You can find me walking around the house, shrugging my shoulders and swinging my arm.  

When I hear about athletes who come back from this surgery and return to throwing touchdowns or pitching 95-mile-an-hour fastballs, I am more amazed than inspired.  This surgery is painful.  The recuperation is NO JOKE!  I wear a sling when I go out, but it pulls on my neck and cramps my repaired shoulder and arm.  I’m scared to be jostled or bumped or that some well-meaning person will want to give me a big bear hug.  I totally understand why star Colts quarterback Andrew Luck retired, saying he was tired of being caught in a cycle of injury, pain and rehab.  In my case, at least big defensive linemen are not trying to knock me over!  I watched Rafael Nadal play in the U.S. Open with pure jealousy over his fit and beautiful shoulders (I have three tiny holes in mine).  I’ll be happy to be able to hang my clothes in the closet with my right arm.  I can’t wait to be able to sleep in my bed and use my camera.  I had better be recovered in time to see my precious Rutgers Women’s Basketball team take the court in November!

I feel like one of those road signs that read: “Temporary inconvenience, permanent improvement.”  At least I hope so.

Tina's August 2019 Movies

I was on the Injured Reserve List all month after undergoing rotator cuff surgery on my typing shoulder, so I had a chance to see a baker's dozen movies, despite not getting out of the house much.  Movies not seen previously are noted with an asterisk, and the rating system goes from 1 (the worst) to 5 cans of tuna fish. Numbering picks up from previous months.
99.  Once Upon a Time in Hollywood* (2019) – If you are the writer and director of a film, your vision is what is delivered on the screen.  In this case, Quentin Tarantino looks at the death of Hollywood as he sees it, a dumbing down of good performances and stories in favor of trite TV shows and self-indulgent industry regulars.  He builds into the demise of Hollywood the 1969 murder of actress Sharon Tate, pregnant wife of director Roman Polanski (luckily out of town at the time), and guests in her home after an invasion by Charles Manson and his cult of hippie followers.  It is an interesting premise and it is populated by first-rate actors giving great performances (notably Leonardo DiCaprio and an aging but still impossibly handsome Brad Pitt).  While I understand the desire to provide sufficient detail to show what actors, movies, TV and the Hollywood culture were about then, I don’t need 2 hours and 41 minutes to get the point.  You could say Tarantino is a genius -- his work is certainly original, he brings out the best in his cast as a director and he doesn’t skimp on the storytelling – but this story was just too big and too long for me.  I know I snoozed a bit, but I didn’t feel like I missed anything important to the story.  Others will praise this film, and rightfully so, but it was just not my cup of tea.  3½ cans.
100.  The Newspaperman: The Life and Times of Benjamin Bradlee – Best known as the editor of the storied Washington Post, Ben Bradlee led a fascinating life.  Crime reporter, war correspondent, Newsweek leader and BFF with John F. Kennedy and his glamourous wife Jackie, Bradlee was already a public figure when he led the paper during its famous coverage of Watergate.  He led a fascinating life and seemed to enjoy every bit of it.  4 cans.
101.  12 Angry Men (1959) – 12 men, locked up in a hot, sweaty room, deliberating the fate of a young man accused of murdering his father.  Witnesses heard his threats, some testified that they saw him commit the act, and 11 of these men are convinced they can wrap up this case quickly and go home.  Except for Henry Fonda, who thinks they should at least discuss the facts of the case before coming to that conclusion.  This is the brilliant story, presented in a sparse set, with men rising and pacing the room like a well-executed ballet, that demonstrates that things are not always as they appear, and that judgment must be rendered based on the facts presented.  I’m not sure you can call this a courtroom drama, since it takes place only in the jury deliberation room, but whatever you call it, call it great.  5 cans.
102.  Anatomy of a Murder – This one IS a courtroom drama, as small-town attorney James Stewart defends an Army lieutenant (Ben Gazzara) for murdering a bar owner who raped his wife (Lee Remick).  Was he temporarily insane when he committed the act?  Was his young and flirtatious wife actually raped?  Can Stewart’s country lawyer outduel a prosecutor from the big city (George C. Scott)?  I hadn’t seen this one in years but it seemed the perfect match to “12 Angry Men.”  And it was.  4 cans.
103.  42nd Street* (2013) – No, not the Broadway musical, this documentary (on Amazon Prime) traces the history of the famous street that is the lifeblood of New York as it develops over time, going from glamourous to gritty and changes with the times.  And there is plenty of the title song and shots of celebrated architecture to enjoy along the way.  3 cans.
104.  Orange Is the New Black* (2019) – As we say goodbye to the denizens of Litchfield Penitentiary, I feel a sense of loss since I know I will miss the characters and stories of this women’s prison like I have missed nothing since “Mad Men,” “Friday Night Lights” and “The Sopranos” left the airways.  This Netflix series had its ups and downs, but it never failed to deliver the stark reality of life in prison – the hopelessness from a system that never really intended to rehabilitate these women but just to adequately house them and often to harass them.  The final season introduced the horrors of immigrant detention, as women who had lived and worked in the US for years were rounded up, separated from their families and, with major communications challenges, left to fend for themselves.  Yet this season also provided a sense of tenderness and hope that far exceeded anything shown previously, where old friends were reunited and helped each other in new ways that put themselves at risk.  The main character, Piper (Taylor Schilling), is trying to adjust to life outside prison even as her wife, Alex (Laura Prepon), remains behind bars and is forced to engage in risky behavior.  And my favorite character, Tastee (Danielle Brooks), confronts the reality of her life sentence for a crime she did not commit and a final act of treason from one of her best friends that threatens her ability to survive.  This season delivered insanity and sanity, growth and redemption, corruption and cooperation in new ways that made it the most satisfying finale since “M*A*S*H*” went off the air.  Ladies of Litchfield, I will miss you.  5 cans.
105.  Boy Erased* (2018) – This movie, based on a true story, centers on a teenaged boy (Lucas Hedges) whose parents send him to a “conversion program” to “cure” him of being gay.  His father (Russell Crowe) is a pastor and, although he loves his son, he is convinced this experience with an in-depth program will make his son “normal.”  The teenager’s supportive and loving mother (Nicole Kidman) just wants him to be happy but goes along with her husband.  The young man is confused.  He doesn’t really want to be gay but it is not by choice.  The propaganda of such programs and the discipline enforced by the leader (Joel Edgerton, who also directed) show the futility of trying to force young people to deny their own truth.  This movie is painful and heartbreaking to watch.  3½ cans.
106.  Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (2018) – With a new biopic coming soon about children’s TV icon Mr. (Fred) Rogers (with Tom Hanks starring), it seemed like a good idea to view the documentary from last year on a man whose gentility and good heart meant so much to the children who gathered each day to watch his PBS program.  I am not the right age to have watched his program when it aired, but I appreciate the documentary for providing me with a meaningful look at Mr. Rogers and his neighborhood, and I loved it.  4 cans.
107.  Woodstock: Three Days That Defined a Generation* (2019) – 50 years ago, in August 1969, the Woodstock festival was held to celebrate peace and music.  It was an extraordinary event that combined some of the most talented and best-known musicians of the time with nearly half a million young people who trekked to upstate New York to indulge themselves in peace, love, rock & roll and a lot of pot.  This remarkable look at the preparations by the “organizers” – if you can call them that – shows how they eventually had to choose between building fences so they could collect tickets and completing the stage.  They wisely chose the latter, and the festival became three days of legendary music performances in front of a temporary city of concertgoers who remained peaceful despite torrential rain, lack of food, shelter and toilets. This documentary dwells on the background much more than the music (see the Woodstock documentary concert film if you long to relish Richie Havens, Jimi Hendricks and Crosby Stills and Nash).  It was part of the PBS Series “American Experience,” and whether you attended or remember it or even if you weren’t alive in 1969, you should enjoy it immensely.  4 cans.
108.  The Typewriter* (2012) – You just don’t find too many people who use typewriters these days, although, according to this wonderful documentary on Amazon Prime Video, there remains a coterie of devoted users who are making them popular again.  This film shows some of them, from famous authors (historians Robert Caro and David McCullough) to typewriter repair people and technicians to a musician who incorporates that classic sound of striking keys into her work.  There are collectors and people who simply prefer the trusty typewriter to its more recent cousin, the word processor, to improve the quality of their writing.  I know this is a quirky subject (or is it qwerty?) for a movie, but I loved it, as you might expect.  4 cans.
109.  The Great Hack* (2019) – If you have filled out one of those seemingly innocuous quizzes on Facebook – you know, where you are asked to select your favorite TV show or Disney character – you have contributed one data point to the approximately 5,000 points of information about yourself that unscrupulous companies like Cambridge Analytics used to swing the 2016 presidential election.  Those 5000 data points on you are part of the information collected for free – you have donated yours! – and are combined with data on millions of other people to predict behavioral patterns.  This Netflix documentary takes you through the practice and how this information is collected and deployed.  If you have ever wondered why you see the ads you see on social media, here is the answer.  It’s too late now to opt out of sharing the information you have already provided, which, once collected, can be stored, shared or sold.  Information is a big business and it is shaping a society eager to share it by a more devious collective that monetizes it to influence voting and public policy.  If this movie doesn’t convince you of the danger of what we can call “the greater bad” instead of the greater good, nothing will.  And stop taking those revealing quizzes.  3½ cans.
110.  My Brother’s Wife (1998) – It is hard to watch this movie without feeling the loss of its star, John Ritter, who died in 2003.  Here he plays the scion of a fractured family, headed by his wealthy widowed father, who characterizes Ritter’s Barney as an irresponsible ne’er-do-well.  When Barney meets the beautiful Eleanor (Mel Harris) as a young man, he is immediately smitten with her.  But she is influenced by her overbearing mother (Polly Bergen) and chooses Barney’s more reliable younger brother, despite Barney’s endearing qualities.  Barney is in love with Eleanor throughout the 25 years of the movie, but love does not always conquer all.  Ritter makes the movie better than it is.  3 cans.
111.  Blinded by the Light* (2019) – This movie is a story of love and inspiration made possible by the music of Bruce Springsteen.  University student Javid (Viveik Kalra) lives in a nondescript town in England, where he deals with discrimination and ridicule while he dreams of being a writer.  He is not encouraged or supported by his loving family or stern Pakistani father (the father reminded me of the father in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”) and Jav literally throws away the many poems he has written.  And then Jav’s classmate hands him a cassette tape of Bruce Springsteen’s music.  When he pops it into his Walkman, his whole world changes.  The lyrics speak to Jav, reminding him that he is not the only one from a working-class family who has hopes and dreams.  He gathers up the stack of poems he had thrown out and, with the encouragement of his English professor, he realizes that he, too, has something to say.  This charmer is based on a real story, and although it can be a little sappy at times (plus Jav has huge puppy dog eyes), it provides a sense of exuberance and possibilities.  Like the recent movie “Yesterday,” this film shows how meaningful music can be to bring us comfort, inspiration and validation.  4 cans.