March 2024 Movies & More

March brings its basketball Madness, so my movie watching was severely limited. Numbering picks up from last month and asterisks indicate movies I have seen previously. All programs are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 at the top of the ratings.

27. Upgraded* (2024, Prime Video) – Ana is an aspiring art dealer who works for a gallery in a low-level position and for a demanding boss. When the director of the gallery, Claire (Marisa Tomei, playing the Miranda Priestley role from “The Devil Wears Prada”), commands her to go to a big show in London but Ana is left to fly alone. When the gate agent takes pity on her and upgrades her, she runs into (literally, with a Bloody Mary, no less) a handsome, rich guy and sparks fly. Somehow, he gets the impression that Ana is the gallery head, and so does his art-collecting mother. Confusion and hijinks ensue. This rom-com is light and fun to watch and Tomei and Lena Olin, playing the rich guy’s mother, carry off their roles with aplomb. Not the best movie of the year, but fun to watch. 3 cans.
28. United States of Scandal* (2024, CNN) – Newsman Jake Tapper takes a look at the rise and fall of notorious politicians in this four-part series of one-hour programs. Covered are former NJ Governor Jim McGreevy, who resigned suddenly when his homosexuality became more than an open secret; NYC Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, who famously became “Client 9” of a prostitution ring;, and former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who disappeared from office for a few days, later explaining that he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. CNN had already done a series on Rudolph Guiliani, or he would surely have made the list. I have a feeling there will be plenty more episodes to come! 3½ cans.
29. Unstoppable (2009, Cable TV) – I’m not a fan of action movies, but this one caught my eye. Denzel Washington and Chris Pine have an interesting first day working together as the engineer and conductor on a freight train that starts out slowly but ends up with them trying to stop a runaway train in its tracks. Based on a true story, the unmanned train hurtles through the Pennsylvania countryside, threatening the small towns in its path with both speed and its highly combustible cargo. The two men have to come up with heroic solutions to “track” down the runaway train. If you are looking for a relaxing time at the movies, please miss this train. But if you like heart-stopping action, all aboard! 3½ cans.
30. Crazy Heart (2009, HBO) – Jeff Bridges won an Oscar for playing Bad Blake, an alcoholic country singer who fame has waned over years of alcohol abuse. His talent remains, even as he is reduced to singing at bowling alleys and other minor league venues. In typical country music style, he meets a good woman, falls in love and still must hit rock bottom. Bridges, who sings and plays guitar, has no qualms about letting the camera record him when he couldn’t possibly look worse. Yet somehow, you can’t help rooting for this guy. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the object of his affection and Robert Duval (who played a similar character in “Tender Mercies,”) is along for the ride, as is friend and rival Colin Farrell. 4 cans.
31. The Rewrite* (2012, Hulu) – Hugh Grant is his best sardonic self as a screenwriter with one big hit to his credit and nothing in his future. He can’t find work in Hollywood, so he takes a teaching job at a college in Binghamton, NY, where his lack of effort initially does no one any good. Eventually, he questions his belief that good writing cannot be taught. Co-star Marisa Tomei is terrific (as always) as someone who doesn’t hesitate to give him perspective and truth. 3 cans.
32. The After* (2023, Netflix) – This movie packs a lot of passion, power and pathos into its 14-minute length. David Oleyolo plays a busy businessman who suffers an immense and sudden tragedy. He looks and acts numb, but he is just trying to get through the day as a rideshare driver until one ride with a couple and child makes him confront his grief. Take 14 minutes out of your day to see this. It is not cheery, but the story and its aftermath will make you think. 3½ cans
33. Paper Moon* (1973, PBS) – Young Tatum O’Neal as Addie is a revelation in this comedy/crime movie that also stars her father, Ryan, as a con man in the 1930s. The two are matched together with the understanding that he will accompany her to her family home, so they hit the road, supporting themselves by running a variety of con games (selling Bibles for one; no comment). She is tough as nails, frequently reminding O’Neal’s Mose that he owes her $200. She is as good at the con game as the man she is pretty sure is her real father, despite his protestations. Madeline Kahn is wonderful as a floozie Mose picks up, but Addie outwits them both. Tatum won the Oscar as the Best Supporting Actor, the youngest winner ever. 3½ cans.
34. Pride of the Yankees (1942, Cable) – “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth,” declared the dying Yankee Lou Gehrig to a packed house at Yankee Stadium in 1939. Before being diagnosed with ALS (which subsequently became known as “Lou Gehrig’s Disease”), Gehrig had played 2130 consecutive games for the star-studded Yankee franchise and was known as “the Iron Horse.” He was only 37 when he died. This film traces his life, his marriage and his career as a Yankee. He’s a good example of the phrase “only the good die young.” However, that moving story aside, this is not a good movie. It is slow and plodding, with stilted dialog and a clearly over-aged Gary Cooper as Gehrig; Cooper was in his 40s with lines in his face, so accepting him as a rookie with the Yankees is a stretch. Still, this is a classic story, and the lore of Gehrig will always be a part of the mystique of the New York Yankees. 2 cans.
35. Quiet on Set* (2024, ID Channel) – Momma, don’t let your babies grow up to be child stars. This 4-part documentary traces the TV shows from Nickelodeon that reigned supreme in the 1990s, most of which were produced by Dan Schneider, who is portrayed here as a powerful and power-hungry man who could make or break the careers of the young people he hired. He hired like-minded men who took advantage of their young charges, grooming them as dialog coaches and writers who offered help and then sexually attacked or abused many of them. Many kids were afraid to report the abuse for fear of losing their jobs. And if they weren’t abused, many were asked to do things that sexualized them at much too early a stage. It is deplorable that any of these people had an opportunity to work with teenagers and young people at all. This was too disturbing to recommend. 3 cans.
36. Anatomy of a Fall* (2023, Hulu) – A man falls from a balcony under mysterious conditions. Did he fall? Did he jump? Was he pushed? All of these scenarios are included in this mysterious case, and of course the authorities think the wife did it. But did she? You will have to read subtitles for some of this French film, but the level of acting, direction and the story are worth the effort. 4 cans.
37. Buying Beverly Hills, Season 2* (2024, Netflix) – If you like $40 million California homes and can tolerate the drama offered by superstar realtor Mauricio Umansky and his family, which includes his now-separated wife, Kyle (who is already a star of the reality series “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills), and their three daughters, who work for Mauricio’s The Agency. After a while, all the houses look the same – great views, dramatic staircases and free-standing bathtubs – as do the daughters. The drama on this show – and it never ends – is equally among the male real estate sellers, who have something to say about everything and everyone. They are like a Greek chorus, commenting and moving the story along. There are some genuinely unlikable people working for the Agency and many who cannot refrain from offering their views on the family and the business. Don’t ask me why I watched, but I also couldn’t restrain myself. 3 cans and a $40 million dollar house for everyone who endured this drivel. Now, when do we get to see Season 3?

March On

Forget about the daffodils that are starting to bloom. The real sign of spring is when my landscaper, Pedro, shows up with the mulch. And also when Polar Cub ice cream on Route 22 in Whitehouse opens up for the season, which they did this week! It's 72 degrees today. Can we go to spring, go directly to spring and not revert back to winter? Then I can loosen my ban on ice cream that typically extends until Memorial Day.

My biometrics are not working! When I try to use a fingerprint instead of a password, my phone fails to recognize it. Yes, I cover the whole icon. Yes, I press hard. Yes, I try repeatedly and then resort to the password. Life never gets easier, does it?

No woman in the history of medicine has ever been able to relax when instructed to do so by the gynecologist in the office. Nor can we easily “scoot on down.” Trust me on this.

I had such a good hair day the other day and the only people who saw me were at the car dealership where my car was being serviced. 

Lately I have been having trouble swallowing some of the larger pills that I have to take so I bought a pill splitter and now I understand how a guillotine works. Heads – or, in this case, pills – will roll!

Why do we pronounce licorice as lickorish?

I have so many doctor’s appointments, that recently when I had to show my driver’s license to renew my library card, I inadvertently whipped out my United Healthcare card.

I received a “courtesy call” from a doctor’s office telling me to call the business office. The rep explained that the courtesy call was being made to remind me that I owe them $20. But, I explained, I have not received a bill, so how could they “remind” me about something I didn’t know I had? Can’t you just send me the bill, I asked? She said they would be sending me the bill, and it is also in my portal. But why would I look at the portal if I didn’t know there was something there? I can’t even imagine the money they spent to leave me a message to call the business office, to pay someone to remind me to pay a bill I didn’t know I had, to maintain the website where the mystery bill will appear and so on. I guarantee that the cost of all of this administrative stuff far exceeds the $20 I allegedly owe them!

Who is General Tsao and why do we order his chicken?

I have a handyman named Craig who is scheduled to come over to do some odd jobs. I wrote them all down, so now I have my own Craig’s List.

When I leave my name and number as a voicemail I state the information very slowly. It is not just that I am being considerate so the person can get the information, it is also because it takes me a moment to remember by own number!

Even after 4 years of the pandemic and after countless Zoom calls, there is always that one person on every call who has to be reminded, “YOU’RE ON MUTE!”

I love that my friends know me so well that they just assume I am watching whatever they are watching on TV. I got a 7 AM text recently about a tennis match that, of course, I happened to be watching! Not the first time.

I get alerts about local road conditions, school closings and other area news that might be relevant. But if you live in the Hillsborough-Mongomery-Franklin area, you know that 3 drops of rain are enough to close down the Griggstown Causeway and Blackwell’s Mills Road, both of which are antiquated bridges (Griggstown is a one-way, so drivers have to wait for oncoming traffic to clear) that are barely above the branch of the Raritan River they cross. I wish I had a dime for every message saying they are closed and another dime for the next message, saying they are open again. That would be a lot of dimes!

My indoor-outdoor thermometer died, my TV remote control stopped working so I had to get a new one from Xfinity (yes, I changed the batteries – twice) and I have my new phone and smart watch to learn. My elderly mind can only learn so many devices at one time!

I wonder what the lifespan of a box of Girl Scout Cookies is. How I missed eating the ones in the freezer is a mystery, but they have been there for a year and now I am afraid to open the box. Either I will eat the whole thing and gain weight or I will eat the whole thing and die. Any guesses? Follow-up: I checked on Google and the frozen cookies can be consumed for up to a year. They might lose their quality and taste, but apparently, they won’t kill you. Time to buy fresh ones!

For someone who doesn’t drink coffee, I have an enormous collection of mugs. I use them occasionally for tea and in the winter for hot chocolate, but there are so many that I would never have to use the same one twice. Of course, I have favorites. There’s my high school reunion mug(s), the photo mug I had made for my group of girlfriends as their Christmas gift one year, and mugs that have been given to me or which I have bought in my travels. I have them relatively neatly crammed into a corner cabinet and have even put a shelf in there to hold more. Meanwhile, can I persuade myself to purge some of these? Doubtful.

If a woman can be a mother and a grandmother, why should an aunt have to be a great aunt instead of a GRAND aunt? I feel like GREAT describes how one performs that job, not the position itself.

My dear Mercedes was sideswiped while minding her own business in the parking lot at my local ShopRite. It was a bright, sunny day and she was neatly parked within the designated space. I came out of the store, put my groceries in the trunk and noticed white stuff on the driver’s side door. No dents, but clearly, something had happened. A nice young woman came up to me to report that she had seen the car that hit me, wrote down the license plate as the driver left the scene and had already called the police. Ten minutes later, the nice young officer arrived, checked his computer and quickly identified the driver as someone who lives in a senior complex very nearby. It turns out she is an 87-year-old-woman who lives right near ShopRite. She told him that she did not know she hit my car (if that was the case, why did she pull into the spot and then leave?). My New Jersey Manufacturers insurance kicked in and took care of the whole thing – deductible and all, since the driver and I both have NJM. I had to drive a rented Dodge Charger for the week, a car that had a lot more pep in its step than what I am used to (I think I backed out of the garage doing 40!) while my car was getting a beautiful face lift and body work done by a local shop. I kept referring to the rental as my “Tracy Chapman car,” since it was a FAST car! I wondered if the body shop could do some body work on me while they were at it. They did a fabulous job on the car, which looked like it had been reborn! So, all’s well that ends well, but if you see a little old lady in a white car driving into the parking lot at ShopRite – which I now refer to as “the scene of the crime” – beware!

My nephew is getting married in October to a wonderful young woman that my sister and I adore. The site of the ceremony and reception are set, the hotel block has been reserved, the rehearsal dinner booked and even the “after-party,” which is something these kids cannot do without, is established. The bride has her gown on order and my nephew is deciding on his wardrobe. Now, the hard part: My sister Nancy and I have to pick out “appropriate dresses” to wear. We know the color that the bride’s mother’s is wearing, so my sister needs to pick another color. My sister insists that she needs to wear a dress that is “appropriate,” so that means no bare arms, no plunging necklines and no side slits. The wedding is in October and cocktails might be outside, so my sister wants a dress with sleeves. We might as well try shopping in an Amish store, except that the Amish would make their own dresses. Can we find a dress with sequins AND flannel? We need to find something between “Dresses for Sluts” and “Dowdy Dresses.” She is a very petite petite and I am looking for something to address my more ample figure. We spent President’s Day shopping and felt like we were auditioning for “What NOT to Wear.” Remember, Nancy will be in the family pictures (more so than me), so the dress has to fit, function and photograph well. Stay tuned. Much more to follow as we approach October.