Here is what IRONY is – When you have to contact your BFF to ask whether you both read a book, and the name of the book is “What Alice Forgot.”
As I was watching “Golden Girls” this morning, it dawned on me that every other commercial was about stomach/bowel/digestive issues. Boy, have they got the right demographic!
I just had a tooth extracted – my first since my baby teeth fell out – and now I know two things: First, my tongue cannot stop itself from finding the gap where the now-missing tooth was located. And second, I am a right-sided chewer. I wonder if this is related to the fact that I am right-handed. In any case, chewing exclusively on my left side until the bone graft takes and an implant/crown can be completed will be interesting. Maybe being able to chew on just one side will help cut down on my food intake? Somehow, I think my body will adjust, but that would be a good side benefit.
Speaking of which, I wonder why wisdom teeth are called wisdom teeth. (Yes, I looked it up on Google. Your turn.)
Zebras are the coolest animals. They get to prance around in stripes all of the time. It probably helps encourage them to stay slim, since we all know you shouldn’t wear stripes if you are overweight.
Someone needs to devise a better way of searching for programs on Netflix and Amazon Prime. That tiny keyboard that comes up on the huge TV screen in my family room is excruciating to work. You use the arrow to go all around the screen, entering one letter at a time. In contrast, my Comcast remote allows me to verbally enter the service or information I need and search for programs on broadcast TV, but going into the streaming services eliminates that option. Can someone PLEASE improve on this ancient search process?
On a day when about 10 inches of snow was predicted, we also experienced thunder, otherwise known as a “Thundersnow.”
I recently passed a pre-school with the name “Crème de le Crème,” which translates into “Best of the Best.” What are all the kids who don’t go to the school called? The Losers? Worst of the Worst? And how about the pressure you place on a pre-school kid by sending him/her to a place deemed the very best? What if they aren’t worthy? And I thought the “Genius Bar” at the Apple Store was a poor name.
Under the category “There’s an app for that,” you can actually download an app on your phone called “Run and Pee.” If you ever need to go to the bathroom at the movies and don’t want to miss the good part, this app will let you know before the movie starts when the three best times to take care of business are and then will buzz you when it’s time to “go.” And just so you don’t miss anything, the app offers a plot summary of what was happening during your time away so you can catch up. The database is updated weekly, so you can check out the plot (with obvious spoilers if you read the synopsis of what you might miss, I assume) and decide if this movie is right for you. Well, if you gotta go, you gotta go. And as the app says, it was created “Because there’s no pause button at the movies.”
There has been a lot of complaining of late in my community that mail is not being delivered in a timely way. Some people get their neighbors’ mail and others report finding their mail out on the lawn. Someone recommended that we sign up for what is called “Informed Delivery,” where the post office sends you an email each day with images of the mail to be delivered. Now I know if it is worth a trip to the mailbox to pick up the mail. This is a great service when I’m traveling. It is free, so go to the USPS website and sign up.
I need to face the reality that I will NEVER be able to get all of the crumbs out of the toaster. There will always be some that cling to their heated prison, where they will emit that burning smell just to get on my nerves, knowing I won’t be able to release them no matter how much I shake the toaster. This should be my biggest problem.
My car navigation system and I have a mostly-amicable relationship, with her tolerating the fact that I don’t always follow her advice, and with me trying to understand her sometimes strange directions. Example: I get to an intersection and she tells me to turn right, then make a left, and then make another left. If I do that, I will be exactly where I would have been if I had gone straight in the first place. OK, I can handle that when I know the area and can ignore her suggestions, but when I am in unfamiliar territory, I can’t help but wonder if she is, quite literally, giving me the run-around. And then she tells me to “prepare to turn right in a quarter mile.” I figure that means “get out of the left lane if that’s where you are,” so I’ll do that. But she knows NOTHING about the Easy Pass lanes and always tries to get me to stay to the right at the toll booths. And finally, she will say to “stay right” sometimes when, in my view, she should say “make a right” instead. So, we are still on speaking terms, and I am grateful for the assistance, but she could certainly improve!
Do you ever arrive somewhere and don’t know how you got there because you don’t even remember making that left turn? We get so accustomed to driving to work or home or other places we frequent that we don’t recall driving there. It’s not just ME, right?
Is it bad that I had to add salt to my otherwise tasteless can of Manischewitz reduced sodium matzoh ball soup? I guess it kind of defeats the purpose of reduced sodium.
Back in the olden days, when I lived in the small town of Somerville, we went to stores where people who worked there knew us, our names, our families and made us feel at home. Now I have to scan my own groceries and bag everything and next I’m afraid they are going to make me slice my own meat at the deli counter. We order online, go to big box stores and feel anonymous. That’s why I still love going to a small store or a shop where they help me – gladly. The guy in the UPS store and I are on a first-name basis. My name is in his computer (I don’t favor EVERYTHING “old school”), and he can make a label for my package quickly and efficiently. He even knows who gets some of my packages, because their names are in the computer, too. I also frequent the “Bulbs & Batteries” store, where I can ask for any kind of bulb without standing in the Lighting Department at Lowe’s for an hour reading every package. It’s nice to have some remnants of the good old days still around today.
Remember when LifeSavers came in cherry, lemon, lime, orange and pineapple? Most people I know went immediately for the cherry, but give me the lime. I’d take the lemon next, then the cherry. I didn’t like the pineapple but could put up with the orange. I wish they still offered those original flavors instead of today’s cherry, raspberry, watermelon (which looks deceivingly like my lime favorite) orange and pineapple. I wish they would bring back the original lineup!
Here’s the good thing about living alone (and there are MANY) – the house stays neat. Here’s the bad thing about living alone – if the house ISN’T neat, it’s MY FAULT. Who left the cabinet doors open? Who left the phone off the charger? Whose shoes are those in the hallway? Guilty on all counts. I generally hold myself to a high standard, so when slippage occurs, it is time to sit down and have a harsh discussion with myself so I’ll do better next time!
High heels – I don’t get them and never will. Why would I want to jam my foot into a shoe with a very thin heel that throws off my balance (not a good thing for a top-heavy girl) and pray that the heel doesn’t break or that I go face first onto the floor? Give me age-appropriate flats any time. I know I’ll get pushback on this one!
And speaking of shoes, if you ever find me in a shoe store sniffing the goods, it isn’t some kinky thing. My father sold shoes for a living, mostly women’s shoes – or, as I loved to tell people, “My father’s in women’s shoes.” On days when the store had a big sale, he would come home smelling like leather. He bore that scent long before English Leather was invented. It wasn’t until I was in my 30s, after his death, that I had to go to an actual shoe store to buy shoes. Prior to that, he would simply bring home multiple pairs from the store, I’d try them on, and he’d return the ones I didn’t like or that didn’t fit and I’d keep the rest. So if you ever see me sniffing the shoes, I’m actually having a moment with dear old Lester Gordon.
And finally on the subject of shoes, can someone explain why my triple-knotted sneakers can still manage to untie themselves? I await your reply.
Why is it that we can give in, give up or give back, but we can’t give down?
Is there anything more boring than waiting in the nail salon for your nails to dry? I can’t pick up a magazine or check my email, and I can’t just sit and relax because the dryer and seat don’t lend themselves to any degree of comfort. So I sit, staring at my surroundings (which, in at least one salon I frequent, includes a TV permanently tuned to HGTV), thinking of all of the things I SHOULD be doing and hoping that I don’t jump ship too soon and ruin my manicure.
Why is itching so contagious? I start out scratching my back with my handy-dandy extendable backscratcher (which looks like a miniature garden hoe), and the itch spreads up and down and side to side. I’m working that backscratcher like a dog chasing its tail, trying to get some relief. I have a long device that I used to apply cream on my back, but it is broken and I can’t reload the cream. So, until I find and order a new one, I’ll just keep scratching!
It is mid-March and there may be more snow in our future. I’m about done with this weather. Enough snow!