Thursday, April 19, 2018

All Over the Place

Does jumping to conclusions count as exercise?

Sometimes I think Marie Antoinette was talking to me when she declared, “Let them eat cake!”

Speaking of cake, can anyone explain who left that cake out in the rain in the song “MacArthur Park?”  Look, I wouldn’t want to pass up cake in any form, but a waterlogged one would never be acceptable.  What is that song about anyway? 

There was a very spirited conversation going on at the nail salon today between the owner, Kim, and one of the technicians.  I wish I knew what they were discussing, but since it was entirely in Korean, I didn’t have a clue.  I’m guessing they weren’t saying that my nails looked fabulous or that I was one of their favorite customers, but that would have been nice!

I could have a free dinner at a nice restaurant about once a week if I were willing to suffer through a seminar on retirement.  Really, I could GIVE a seminar on retirement, but I wouldn’t serve food.

Have you ever noticed that the word “egret” is only one letter different that “regret?”  Not that I would get them mixed up in a sentence, but just one of those quirky English language things.

Why is it that I always forget to put a new bar of soap in the shower until I am in the shower?  I know, I know, that is the most obvious time.

I am now using Informed Delivery, a service of the post office, to see what mail is delivered each day (I covered this last month).  The only problem is that the daily email I received showing me scans of the actual mail also tells me to let them know what is missing.  How would I know what is missing?  I don’t know what mail is coming.  If I get 8 birthday cards and figured I would get 10, should I tell the post office?  I’m not sure they thought that one through.

When my house phone rings now, I get 6 alert rings on my cell phone to let me know I have a call at home.  How this happened puzzles me.  I have Comcast phone service at the house but my cell phone is through Verizon and there are two different numbers with two different area codes.  I didn’t get an offer to enroll in this kind of service, and I didn’t link the 2 numbers together.  Now my home voice mail started not only being available for listening on my cell phone, but there is also visual voicemail, which I also didn’t order.  Maybe it is a trial offer and will go away.  These processes just seemed to start on their own.  Ironically, if I had seen them offered and signed up, they probably wouldn’t work!

Speaking of ringing phones, I have reached the point in life that when I hear a phone ring on TV I think it is actually my phone, just like my father did.

I must admit that when my printer randomly makes noise – as if it is about to print something I did not request – it freaks me out just a little bit.

Recently, I was on the phone in my office when I heard very loud music coming from the family room.  Apparently Alexa was craving Laura Nyro and just started randomly playing “Stoned Soul Picnic” without any outside suggestion (I wasn’t in the room and the TV was off).  The mystery was solved to some extent when I checked my Alexa history.  She decided on her own to “suggest” that Laura Nyro had some music I might like (and I did), so she played it.  I’m just glad she didn’t decide to “surprise” me at 3 AM.

I don't get the concept of Snapchat filters.  What’s so exciting/entertaining about putting funny ears, flowers or whiskers on your head?  I must be too old to appreciate this craze.

Do you forget the names of the books you read?  I’m in a book club in my community, and thankfully, someone is now keeping a list.  I’ll go one step further and include the name of the book on my calendar with the meeting, so I know when we read each book.  That’s what started my movie blog – I couldn’t remember all the movies I had seen so I started writing them down with a synopsis of the plot not only for myself, but for people who asked me for movie recommendations.  Please don’t expect the same treatment for books!

I am nothing if not consistent in my typing errors.  I always seem to make typos on the words “business,” and “Chicago,” for example, and the errors are always the same – Bsuiness and Chciago.  Every time.

Just wondering: Why DID Billy Joe MacAllister jump off the Tallahatchie Bridge?

Remember when you were a kid and you went somewhere with your family and your mother always had hard candy to suck on?  And tissues, which sometimes stuck to the hard candies.  I miss those hard candies. And Mom.  I miss her more than the hard candies.

Did you know that Dominos offers pizza insurance?  That way, if you have an accident and ruin your pizza before you get it home, Dominos will give you a new pizza.  I wonder if you have to call a claims adjuster or take pictures of the pizza to put in your claim.

It was probably not a good idea to attend my photography club meeting while suffering from jetlag, particularly since the meeting mostly takes place in a darkened room!

And speaking of jetlag, the reason for mine is that I recently went on a river cruise to Holland and Belgium.  This was my first river cruise after having taken a number of cruises on much larger ships, and I would highly recommend it.  I went with two friends on the Ama Waterways line, on a brand new ship that was comfortable, very clean and well thought out.  We had an interesting itinerary and great tour guides.  I learned that the entire area relies on careful management of water – hence locks on the rivers/canals and plenty of reclaimed land where new structures exist in places where canals once were located. You have to be a real expert navigator to get a boat through a luck with only 4 inches clearance on each side!  You take your life in your hands in Amsterdam, where the entire city Amsterdam is filled with people riding bikes for transportation (gas is pricey and traffic is everywhere).  You have to carefully look both ways before crossing a street, but the bikes seems to peacefully coexist with buses, cars and trams.  And there are plenty of canals for those who prefer small boats to get around.  Good chocolate is easily found (yum), along with Belgian waffles (which are nothing like those found at IHOP here) and, since we intentionally went during tulip season, we saw gorgeous fields of tulips that made for colorful and impressive pictures.  We went to a tulip processing farm, where the flowers are stripped and each bulb is x-rayed for the record because the real money is in creating and selling bulbs, especially new varieties.  The trip home included a 10-hour delay because of malfunctioning toilets on our plane from Amsterdam, which was diverted to London for repair.  The plumbers were unable to “rectify” the situation, which meant we had to rebook onto another flight after sitting on the tarmac at Heathrow for three hours.  I probably don’t even have to tell you the flights were on United Airlines, which has a justifiably bad reputation all around, although they were helpful and polite (and the passengers were cooperative) during the ordeal.  The happy ending was that we made it home that day, tired and cranky but with lots of memories of a great week. 


Sunday, April 1, 2018

Tina's March 2018 Movies

This month's movies include some new, some old, and one that you should never waste time seeing.  Movies are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 being the top.  Those marked with an asterisk (*) are movies I had not seen previously.  Numbering picks up from previous months.

24.  Game Night* (2018) – Jason Bateman and Rachel MacAdams are an attractive young couple obsessed with playing games of all types.  Then Bateman’s brother (Kyle Chandler) shows up with an different idea for a fun evening, and things go terribly awry.  Or do they?  The plot is funny despite the lack of believability, and Bateman is his usual appealing self.  3½ cans.
25.  Black Panther* (2018) – Despite my reluctance to embrace the action/fantasy genre, I have to admit that this Marvel production captured my attention.  For once, an action movie focuses on people of color and the power of women (I liked last year’s Wonder Woman for its emphasis on the power of women, too).  Great special effects and a terrific cast (Chaswick Bozeman, Michael B. Jordan, and Lupita Nyongo, who is so outrageously beautiful, among others).  The story is not as important as the message it sends, and the audiences and box office appeal prove that there is an audience for kickass women and warrior men of color.  4 cans.
26.  A Place in the Sun (1951) – George Eastman (Montgomery Clift) is a poor man with a wealthy family, the son of impoverished evangelists and the nephew of a powerful industrialist.  His life is clearly not charmed, but he has aspirations when he takes a job on the lowest rung of the Eastman ladder in hopes of moving up.  He begins a relationship with a co-worker (Shelley Winters), but sets his sites considerably higher, on the beautiful, vivacious and wealthy young woman, Angela Vickers (a stunning Elizabeth Taylor), who improbably falls for the poor, dreamy, quiet young man.  This story of class differences is based on the Theodore Dreiser novel “An American Tragedy,” a more apt title for the misfortune that ensues.  The novel tells a broader tale and sets up the stunning conundrum that is portrayed in the movie with equal doubt as to intent.  No more spoilers: Just read the book or watch the movie. Both are terrific, if dated.  4 cans.
27.  Little Man Tate* (1991) – Jodie Foster directed this movie about a working class single mother (Foster) and her genius 7-year old son, Fred (Adam Hann-Byrd).  Fred may be brilliant, but what he really wants is just someone with whom to eat lunch.  An accomplished pianist and amazing mathematician, Fred is a lonely little boy.  Dede, his mother, is extremely down-to-earth, and she realizes that she cannot foster his academic career, so she allows him to be cared for by Jane (Dianne Weist), a teacher of gifted children, who takes Fred to live with her while attending college classes.  Aside from a brief encounter and learning to play pool with a fellow college student (Harry Connick, Jr.), Fred is left by himself, teased and overlooked by everyone.  It is the adults here who need to be educated so they can figure out what is best for poor Fred.  It doesn’t take a genius to see that the quiet kid is lonely and needs friends.  3½ cans.
28.  About a Boy (2002) – Hugh Grant is Will, a confirmed bachelor who lives off royalties from an annoying Christmas song penned by his father.  When 12-year old Marcus (Nicholas Hoult) expectantly enters his life, everything changes, as the irresponsible Will suddenly has to assist young Marcus and his depressed mother (Toni Collette).  But aside from buying good sneakers and living in a cool bachelor pad, Will – who neither wants nor enjoys helping other people – is not the least bit qualified to help.  Grant is great at self-deprecating humor.  Here, his impeccable timing and innate charm come in handy.  I always enjoy this movie.  4 cans.
29.  The Assassination of Gianni Versace* (2018) – In the spirit of last year’s dramatization of the O.J. Simpson case, this multi-part TV docudrama tackles the subject of the title.  Darren Criss plays assassin Andrew Cunanan, whose life is thoroughly explored with flashbacks.  Andrew is brought up being told he is special by a father who cheats and lies, so it is no surprise that Andrew himself becomes adept at the same things.  Mastering multiple identities, he preys on rich, older men looking for a handsome young man with taste for the finer things in life.  He imagines himself in a relationship with fashion designer Gianni Versace but ends up shooting him down at the entrance to his Miami villa and simply walking away with his ability to retreat into a crowd.  I found this program tediously long – at least a few episodes longer than necessary – and very violent.  But Andrew, who comes across as charming as he is psychopathic, is confounding to watch.  He’s a sociopath with no qualms about killing people.  He wants and believes he deserves the very best things and gets other people to support him.  In the end, as the authorities close in on him a week after Versace’s death (still in Miami), he shoots himself.  3½ cans, but give Criss a 4.
30.   Everything, Everything* (2017) – For her entire 18 years, Maddy (Amandla Stenberg) has lived her life indoors.  Suffering from a rare illness called SCID (Severly Compromised Immuno Deficiency), she can become fatally ill just by coming into contact with someone.  Her doctor mother (Anika Nonni Rose) keeps her in an airlocked (but gorgeous!) home, and only she and the trusted nurse can have regular contact with the beautiful young woman.  Then adorable teenager Olly (Nick Robinson) moves in next door, and the two develop a texting relationship.  She is like Rapunzel, locked up in her tower, and the two young people get to know each other at a distance but want more.  Can she risk EVERYTHING to have a relationship with the boy next door?  This movie reminded me of “The Fault in Our Stars,” another story of sick kids who yearn to be free and normal.  The main characters are just a little too perfect, the families and homes just a little contrived, but the story has a lot of heart.  3½ cans.
31.  Love, Simon* (2018) – I had never heard of Nick Robinson until today, and now I have seen him in two movies.  Here Nick is Simon, an adorable and extremely normal gay teenager who is afraid to come out to his family and friends.  When he discovers that a classmate of his is also gay, he and the mysterious young man begin to exchange heartfelt emails without knowing each other’s identities.  He is threatened with blackmail by another classmate, and Simon has to figure out who is potential mate is without giving away his own secret.  Robinson is extremely likeable in this part of a normal kid with a great family (Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhmel are his parents), good friends and a desire for love.  3½ cans.
32.  Masquerade (1988) – Rob Lowe plays Tim, a handsome, young yacht skipper who is racing a boat for a rich citizen of the Hamptons when he meets the beautiful Olivia (Meg Tilly), a shy, sheltered, orphaned heiress of a very wealthy family.  Competing for her millions is her evil stepfather.  Tim falls in love with Olivia and she with him, although there are undertones immediately that something is just not right.  The settings are gorgeous, and so is Lowe, in this suspenseful, underrated drama.  3½ cans.
33.  Snatched* (2017) – Sometimes you have to watch something that is so bad, so unfunny and so totally inept just so you can appreciate really good movies – and almost every movie I can think of is better than this one.  It wastes the iconic Goldie Hawn in a role as a mother to an adult (???) daughter, a woman who would rather clean the kitty litter than go out and have fun.  But when her desperate daughter Emily (Amy Shumer) finds herself with a non-refundable ticket to Ecuador and no traveling companion, Mom agrees to come along.  Not surprisingly, things go horribly wrong, as the two women are kidnapped by local bad guys and have to fight and run for their lives.  Back home, Emily’s ne’er-do-well brother tries to talk the State Department into rescuing them.  I’ll go ahead and ruin it for you and let you know that they survive as long as you promise never to watch this train wreck (which is the name of another bad Shumer movie).  I don’t find Shumer’s smarmy, audacious humor funny; she lands between snarky and disgusting on the comedic scale.  Despite appearances by Wanda Sykes and Joan Cusak (whose character is unable to speak, which is probably just as well), there is nothing worth seeing in this film.  And that goes for Hawn’s drastically altered face, where extensive plastic surgery makes her nearly unrecognizable and unable to move her lips.  Our scale here is 1-5, but this movie is truly off the charts.  0 cans.  See what I do for you people?  You’re welcome.
34.  Overboard* (1987) – With the stench of “Snatched” still lingering here, I decided to clear the air with an actual comedy from Goldie Hawn, and since I recently watched “Private Benjamin,” I figured this one would have to do.  It is a bit too madcap, as Hawn plays Joanna, a haughty woman who lives the rich life with her husband (Edward Hermann), until she suddenly gets thrown overboard from their enormous yacht.  She is rescued but has no identification and is suffering from amnesia.  Her hubby is not all that keen on having her home again, so he leaves her in the hospital.  When Dean Proffitt (Kurt Russell) sees her on the news, he realizes she has no idea who she is and he decides to seek revenge for the way she treated him when he did some work for her on the yacht.  He comes forth, claims she is his wife, takes her home and puts her in charge of “their” 4 rowdy boys.  She still sounds as if she comes from money and she has no idea how to even turn on the stove, no less cook, but this new life of squalor isn’t completely repulsive to the poor little rich woman.  There is chemistry between Hawn and Russell, and, playing a rich bitch or a bewildered wife and mother, Hawn has plenty great comedy chops.  Though the ending is inevitable and the plot requires suspension of reality, this comedy is actually funny and takes advantage of Hawn’s comedic gifts.  That was a major step up from “Snatched.”  Shudder… 3 cans.
35.  Gran Torino (2008) – Clint Eastwood (who also directed and wrote the title song) is Walt, an ornery bigot with a thick skull and a kind heart who lives next door to a Hmong family.  When the neighbor’s son Thao (Bee Vang) tries to steal his beloved Gran Torino classic car as a gang initiation prank, he develops an unlikely friendship with the young man, whom he takes under his wing.  The cultural differences between them initially seem like deal breakers, but Thao’s very chill sister invites Walt over for Vietnamese barbecue and the family manages (despite language differences) to win his heart.  But Thao and his family are terrorized by their thuggish cousins who are involved in a gang, and tensions escalate.  You would think Walt is too set in his ways to ever change, but you would be wrong.  This is a very moving and unexpected film that is much more than I would have expected from the taciturn Eastwood.  4 cans.
36.  Our Souls at Night* (2017) – If you ever think that you are too old for romance, watch this sweet film.  Robert Redford reteams with Jane Fonda to play widowed neighbors who get to know each other much better when Addie makes Louis an unexpected proposition:  She is lonely and craves having a man in her bed.  Not for sex, mind you, but just for physical closeness.  Louis doesn’t say much – Addie takes the lead – but each little thing he does or how he moves says much about his character.  He’s afraid they will be caught and the neighbors will talk.  She could not care less.  When she has to take in her 7-year old grandson Jamie (the delightful Ian Armitage) temporarily, Louis is there to teach the sheltered young boy how to throw a ball and play with something other than video games on his phone.  When we say this film is intended for mature audiences, it is not because of sex and smut but rather directed to an audience that is chronologically advanced but not too old to understand intimacy.  Heartwarming and worthy of 3½ cans.
37.  The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling* (2018) – Drama is easy; comedy is hard.  That old show business adage is on ample display in Judd Apatow’s loving but frank documentary about his dear friend and mentor, the late comedian Garry Shandling.  Shandling started as a writer, penning jokes for stand-up comedians and then for TV shows, but he had an urge to perform.  Once he hit it big for Johnny Carson on “The Tonight Show,” his goal was to host the classic late-night program, and he eventually became a permanent guest host.  But by then he was involved in his innovative comedy program, aptly called “The Garry Shandling Show,” so he gave up “Tonight.”  Shandling was a neurotic, introspective, unsatisfied, articulate and clever guy, but despite his success, he just could not seem to achieve peace and happiness.  He skewered the talk show genre with his landmark “Larry Sanders” show, but eventually gave that up, too. Throughout the film, Apatow relies on snippets from Shandling’s extensive diaries to gain insight into his state of mind.  The result is an engrossing look at a genuinely funny guy with doubts and dreams whose career must be considered accomplished by the public even as Shandling himself professes misgivings about his life and work.  4 cans.