What's In a Name and Much More

I admire anyone who buys Halloween candy NOW with the confidence that it will still be around to hand out to trick-or-treaters. As a resident of a senior community where the old folks don't go out to trick-or-treat (except with grandchildren, and then only to homes which display a sign in their windows inviting them to stop by), I don’t have an excuse to buy candy at all, so I don’t. Usually.

I would like to make it known that yes, I accept all cookies. I’m guessing that doesn’t mean what I want it to mean when I click the box online, does it?

Why do I have to prove that I am a human to some technical entity by looking at out-of-focus pictures of traffic lights? I guess a fake person wouldn’t have the judgment to make the right selections, but the pictures are generally so bad that neither do I!

I always buy striped sheets because the stripes let me know which way they go on my bed. In theory, striped sheets should be easier to fold, but I think everyone knows I am hopeless in that department!

If I put out the trash the night before pick-up day, the garbage truck won’t stop by until 2 pm. But if I DON’T put it out the night before or early the day of the pick-up, the truck will stop while my garbage is still in the garage. Always.

And don’t you hate it when the garbage is out and gone and THEN you spot that chicken from 4 days ago in your refrigerator that you wouldn’t dare eat now – would you? – that you should have put out with the trash?

You know that old song, “You’ll Never Walk Alone?” Between LinkedIn telling me I have invitations to see and the reunion website Classmates asking me if I remember Joe Dokes and want to say something nice about him (I don’t and I don’t), I can never be alone. I’m definitely cancelling the latter right after my 55th high school reunion in October and LinkedIn may not be long for this world, either. I don’t need a job, don’t want to belong to a group and find this service taxing on my brain. Watch me walk alone!

I admire waiters who can reel off today’s specials with barely a look at their cheat sheet. By the time they get to the 4th item, I have already forgotten the first 3. They tell us not only what is supplementing the menu that day, but also how the food is prepared. They really know their stuff, but how would I know if what they told us was wrong?

Word to the wise – if you are a PSEG customer, you should contact them for a FREE energy audit. A nice young man came to my house, replaced 67 light bulbs with more energy efficient, less costly, longer-lasting ones, installed a new shower head and checked everything here that uses energy. I can’t even guess how much 67 light bulbs would have cost, and I can’t even change many of them myself. I hauled the compact fluorescent bulbs off to Lowes for recycling. This is a great service – and did I mention it was FREE?

I am mystified at how and why graffiti artists create art on highway overpasses and bridges. Do they hang upside down while they are painting? Who holds them in place? How can they tell what their art looks like from a precarious position? And why that particular spot to adorn?

My doctor told me I needed to lose weight and exercise more (for this he went to years of medical school?). I told him I go to aqua aerobics 3-4 times a week, and he was pleased, citing the benefits to my joints and cardiovascular system, but he also pointed out that that kind of exercise won’t help me lose weight. “Sure it does,” I replied. “I can’t eat when I am in the pool.” I’ve been going to him for years, and I never heard him laugh before that!

Of course you walk into a room and wonder why you went there, right? Now I find myself opening the refrigerator or a kitchen cabinet and wondering what I am looking for. Please tell me I’m not the only one.

My father used to stand in front of the open refrigerator door and gaze inside for such a long time, obviously looking for something, that my mother used to say, “What are you doing in there, Lester? Watching a movie?” (She said this with much more colorful language than I can write here.) And one of the things he might have found in the fridge were his damp, rolled up dress shirts, waiting to be ironed. Come on, you had that Coke bottle with the cap with holes in it to sprinkle the shirts in your house, too, right?

My friend in NJ adopted a rescue dog who had been abandoned on a street in Puerto Rico. She speaks to the dog entirely in its native tongue, Spanish (it helps that she is a retired Spanish teacher). But when a neighbor heard her tell the dog “basta,” which means “enough,” the neighbor started calling the dog “Pasta.” Just don’t boil the pasta, OK?

You have to admire Jets fans. The team has not even sniffed the Super Bowl since Joe Willie Namath was the toast of Broadway and won SB III in 1969 – my freshman year in college. Countless quarterbacks and coaches later, the Jets finally seemed to have a shot this year by trading for future Hall of Fame quarterback Aaron Rodgers from Green Bay. Then, four plays into game one of the Jets’ season, Rodgers went down with an Achilles injury and has played his last game of the season – and possibly his Jets career – since Achilles injuries generally take a year to heal and rehab. And Rodgers is 39. I’m a Giants fan, but even I feel bad for the Jets.

Speaking of sports, I was at Yankee Stadium for the first time in a long time recently and watched the Yankees go hitless through 10 innings before pulling out a victory in 13. It was a long ride in the rain to get there, the seats were wet (we dried them with napkins) and a bird shit on my shoulder, but I guess that was a sign of good luck since the Yankees won.

Today, September 14 as I write this, the distinctive and distinguished Johnson & Johnson logo that defined the company’s public face for more than 130 years has been replaced in a move that to me is the worst decision since Coca-Cola introduced New Coke. Gone is the iconic, globally-recognized signature, which was based on the actual signature of one of the founders, replaced by a more modern, sans serif font that you can probably find on your keyboard. Why, you ask? The company split out its consumer business into a new, separate, publicly-traded company called Kenvue (again, you might ask, why that name?). Apparently, they wanted to cut all ties with the past. And cursive writing isn’t commonly taught in schools anymore. There are a raft of excuses – I mean reasons – why the company says they made this choice. But as someone whose responsibilities included handling the approved use of the J&J logo, I am broken-hearted. I know life will go on, but I’m not alone in this disappointment. Plenty of long-time J&J employees expressed their views on Facebook and they were not pleased. This is not a decision made lightly, and I’m sure they paid an exorbitant amount of money for the new look, but I don’t like the design or the reasoning. I know a lot of former J&J leaders who are spinning in their graves today.

August 2023 Movies & More

All programs are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 the highest. Asterisks mark movies I had not seen previously and numbering picks up from previous months. 

97.  Happiness for Beginners* (2023, Netflix) – I think even I could have made a better movie than this. There is just a tiny bit of plot, a few diverse characters, a journey with subtext meaning, a crisis point and a conclusion that you could see coming from miles away. Ellie Kemper is one note as Helen, a recently divorced woman who decides to enroll in a hiking program to “find herself.” There is the usual collection of people – the gung-ho leader, the shy woman, the strange woman, the gay man who doesn’t seem to want to be there – and there’s Jake (Luke Grimes from “Yellowstone”), the good-looking guy Helen already knows. The hike encounters problems, people form relationships and there’s a happy ending. This movie is sweet but bland, more of the Hallmark ilk than a movie you would pay to see. Save your time. 1 can.
98. Untold Story: Johnny Football* (2023, Netflix) – This excellent series often focuses on athletes who have made headlines and have gotten more publicity than they could handle. Johnny Manziel was a gifted quarterback whose outstanding, record-setting season at Texas A&M brought him national fame and the first Heisman Trophy ever presented to a college freshman. But “Johnny Football” liked to party, and no one – not his best friend, his parents, his girlfriend – could reign him in. He was drafted by the NFL’s Cleveland Browns in the first round after just two years in college, but he never devoted time and effort to measure up and succeed as a pro football player This documentary tells the whole story of the rise and fall of a guy who had way too much, way too soon. 3½ cans.
99.  Brian’s Song (1971) – This tear-jerker was a TV movie that remains a favorite for those of us who have watched it countless times. Brian Piccolo (James Caan) was a running back for the Chicago Bears when top draft pick Gayle Sayers (Billy Dee Williams) arrived in camp, ready to take his job. The two became friends and roommates, an unusual situation for a black man and a white man at that time. When Sayers was injured, it was Piccolo who trained with him and pushed him to recovery. Sadly, Sayers could not do the same for Piccolo when he was diagnosed with cancer. There are a couple of scenes in this movie that always make me cry, and it remains one of my favorites 50+ years after it first aired. That haunting Michel Legrand music adds to the feeling of sorrow. If you have never seen it, you should. 4½ cans.
100.  Witness (1985) – Harrison Ford stars as John Book, a Philadelphia cop trying to protect a young Amish boy who has witnessed a murder at the Philly train station. But the bad guys are hot on their trail so he retreats to the boy’s Amish country home with his mother Rachel (Kelly McGillis) to hide out. There in the Pennsylvania Amish country, there are neither modern amenities nor outsiders (except for the annoying tourists and their ever-present cameras), so Book has to wear drab Amish clothes and look “plain” --something that McGillis can’t quite pull off with movie make-up on and perfect eyebrows. This oldie is a goodie, with suspense and an underlying romantic relationship between the young widow Rachel and the cop. It was worth seeing again. 4 cans.
101.  Painkiller* (2023, Netflix) – I now know much more about the evil Sackler Family empire and its Purdue Pharma oxycontin manufacturing than I ever needed to know, thanks to this series on Netflix and the much superior one that aired on Hulu, “Dopesick.” In both cases, the company is shown pushing its sales reps to not only convince small-town doctors to prescribe the painkiller under the assurance of having only a 1% rate of addiction, but also of encouraging them to increase the frequency of prescribing and upping the dosages. This series, with Matthew Broderick as family head Richard Sackler, uses investigator Edie Flowers (Uzo Audba) as its narrator, taking us through the conversion of salespeople into cult followers and watching the most horrible parts of addiction through a blue-collar man (Taylor Kitsch) with a debilitating back injury. There are strange ethereal elements depicted in party scenes cut against Kitsch’s character fading in and out of consciousness). And then there’s that infernal beeping of a smoke detector in Sackler’s mansion (with a house that size, surely there is staff around to figure out which one is causing the beep and fix it!). The Sacklers were protective of their name and greedy for the money (you can look up recent news about a settlement). If you have never seen a series on this subject, watch “Dopesick.” If you have already seen that one, I’m not convinced you need to watch this one, too. 3 cans.
102.  Roll Red Roll* (2017, Netflix) – You have heard this one before: There’s a party, plenty of teenagers are there, including cute girls and cute football players and other boys. One girl drinks too much, the boys get her in a room and…you know this won’t end well. In Steubenville, Ohio, back in 2012, several players were accused of raping Jane Doe. The case divided the football loving town. These are good boys, they said. They would never do anything wrong. Did she agree to go off with them? What was she wearing that night? All of this victim-blaming and assault is bad enough, but some of the boys took pictures and video. And then there were the texts, thousands of texts, before, during and after the rape, exchanged by the perpetrators and their friends. This all-to-familiar behavior was just waiting to be found out, and the acceptance of the ”boys-will-be-boys” behavior will never allow girls and women to feel safe. Do better, Steubenville, do better, USA. 3½ cans.
103.  All the Queen’s Horses* (2018, Prime Video) – Wouldn’t you think a small town in Ohio might notice that $54 million was missing from their coffers? Well, Rita Crundwell ran the books for the town for more than 20 years and managed to siphon off $54 million for herself in what is the largest case of fraud in American history. The way she did it was so simple, and somehow the auditors who checked the town’s financial statements for decades never sniffed it out. It wasn’t until Rita was away at one of her many horse shows (she took off 4 months a year to show her stable of fine horses at shows around the country) that her co-worker had to find something in the town’s accounts and immediately recognized that something wasn’t right. This is a fascinating documentary about a woman who stole with what seemed like impunity and the effect her fraud had on the town. 3½ cans.
104. Rudolph Guiliani: What Happened to America’s Mayor? (2023, CNN/Max) – I think we know, but this 4-part special series reminds us as it looks back on Rudy’s success as a prosecutor in New York and through his two terms as Mayor of New York City, when he became known as “America’s Mayor” for his leadership in the wake of the 9/11 tragedy. He had his eye on the Senate and ultimately the White House, but a bout with prostate cancer stopped his Senate run, and he never gained traction in the GOP race for the presidency in 2008. But when fellow New Yorker Donald Trump ran and won, Rudy was there to serve as his belligerent ally, especially after Trump lost the 2020 election (he actually did lose, you know) and refused to accept defeat. What a mighty fall, from the beloved Mayor of New York to filing frivolous lawsuits to try to overturn the election with hair dye running down his cheek. 3½ cans.
105. Back to the Drive-In* (2022, Prime Video) – The last time I went to a drive-in movie I saw “Swiss Family Robinson,” which tells you how long ago that was. Since that time, the number of drive-ins in the US has dwindled to about 177, most owned by families who have operated them for decades. This documentary was filmed in 2022, when the theaters were trying to survive after having had a fairly good year during the height of the Covid crisis. Going to the drive-in was a safe alternative to going to an indoor theater. Like all other businesses, the owners experienced supply chain issues (such as not being able to get cups for the theater popcorn) and a shortage of labor. But for the dozen or so owners interviewed for this film, they do it as a labor of love, a dose of nostalgia and for the tradition of a small-town business. In most cases, their equipment is ancient, their snack offerings have remained uninspired and often the movies they show are oldies. But the owners appreciate the regulars who love getting out, and while they consider retiring or passing along their businesses someday, they are universally committed to this form of entertainment. 3 cans.
106.  Living with the Enemy* (2005, Prime Video) – Allison is a very attractive young woman who meets Philip, a handsome tech billionaire, at a conference and within a week they have fallen in love and gotten married. It happens so quickly that she doesn’t have time to even find out about his previous wife, no less about her death. But when she does find out, she realizes she may be next. Lots of money doesn’t make for a good marriage. Or a good movie. Try “Sleeping with the Enemy” with Julia Roberts instead. 2 cans.
107.  Antarctica: A Year On Ice* (2014, Prime Video) – Imagine living in a place so cold that when the temp is at minus 60, you think it is a nice day and try surviving without any daylight for 6 months a year. There’s no grass, no sand, and the only people who live with you all work with you too. Director Anthony Powell captures the beauty and the isolation of living in Antarctica for a year. Some of the people who work on various bases on the continent stay year-round. During winter, no planes can deliver supplies because it isn’t safe to fly. But it is the people who work there – engaged in research, or running the retail store; cooking; manning the fire station or in administrative roles – who bring the real warmth to an otherwise desolate place. They manage to get used to the dark and each other and they have their fun, too. I watched this on a day when the temps here reached 90 degrees! 3½ snowballs.
108.  New in Town* (2009, Netflix) – When Lucy Hill (Reneee Zellweger) is assigned to leave her corporate job in Miami to restructure a plant in Ulm, Minnesota (where everyone sounds like an extra from “Fargo”), she figures she can downsize the staff and parlay her triumph into a big promotion. But these people are just way too nice and welcoming, which softens her edges just a bit. And then there’s union rep Ted Mitchell (Harry Connick, Jr.), her natural enemy with whom you know she will fall in love. This movie is cute but lacks the BIG MOVIE story and content you would associate with the stars. If you are in the mood for lighter fare, this one might fit the bill. 3 cans.
109. Fatale* (2020, Netflix) – What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas for sports agent Derrick Tyler (Michael Ely) in this suspenseful mystery. His fling with a stranger (Hilary Swank) backfires when he learns she is a police officer back in his hometown of Los Angeles and she has been assigned to solve the case of a home invasion in his house. There were a lot of dots to connect here, and my friends and I were still trying to figure it out the next day: Were there things we missed, or was some of the plot just too coincidental? This movie got better as it went on.  3½ cans, but could be more.
110. The Longest Week* (2014, Netflix) – I had never heard of this movie but seeing Jason Bateman as the star seemed reason enough to watch it. It wasn’t. Bateman plays the rich scion of the Valmont family, zillionaires and the owners of the hotel where the feckless Conrad Valmont has spent his life being a privileged white male. When his parents go to Europe on vacation, their marriage implodes and they are fighting over a settlement, leaving Conrad without a means of support or a place to stay. He moves in with his wealthy artist friend Derek (Billy Crudup), not realizing at first that they are both vying for the same woman (Olivia Wilde, with curious eye makeup that she wakes up wearing). What you have read here is enough time spent on this movie about vacuous people with no redeeming qualities. 1 can.
111.  And Just Like That, Season 2* (2023, Max) – Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) and her rich, stylish friends are back for the second season of the “Sex and the City” sequel series. They lunch, they shop, they despair about lost loves and present relationships. Carrie, still in mourning after the death of her husband Big, decides to contact old love Aidan (John Corbett), who is divorced and living in Virginia with his three sons. And just like that, Aidan is ready for a second round (actually the third since they did break up and reconcile in the original series) with Carrie. There are plenty of adventures and misadventures among her long-time friends Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and Charlotte (Kristin Davis) as well as her newer friends Che (Sara Ramirez), Seema (Sarita Choudhury) and Lisa (Nicole Ari Parker). Seeing Season 1 is a prerequisite for this course on living a fabulous New York life amid some bumps along the way. 3½ cans.
112.  Jury Duty* (2023, Prime Video’s Freevee) – This series is a “mockumentary” that follows a jury through the trial process. Watching the plaintiff and defendant in this civil case are a group of “jurors” that include actor James Marsden playing actor James Marsden and a diverse bunch of “normal people” trying to deliver justice. Except that only one person is actually playing this straight, the only guy who isn’t aware that this is a fake case. It is not exactly “12 Angry Men,” but this new approach is different and amusing as we all find out the joke is on us – and juror #6. 3 cans.
113.  Fisk* (2023, Netflix) – Kitty Flanagan plays Helen Tudor-Fisk, a lawyer whose bad luck takes her to a dinky little firm specializing in wills and probate – not exactly a concept for high comedy. But this 6-part Australian series is populated by quirky characters and genuinely funny stuff, as in the old series “The Office.” Helen is smarter than the rest of them but has to adapt to the new workplace and the characters she deals with there and outside of work. I hope this series offers a second season, because I’m all in. 3½ cans.
114.  Good Night, Oscar* (2023, Broadway show) – Sean Hayes delivers a Tony-Award winning performance as Oscar Levant, tortured humorist, as he prepares to appear on Jack Paar’s Tonight Show. What Paar doesn’t initially know is that Levant is on a four-hour pass from the mental institution where he is undergoing treatment. Levant, twitchy and sardonic, has no censor and relishes the chance to tackle all topics that are off-limits – politics, sex and religion. His acerbic view on everything hits close to home. And will he or won’t he agree to play the piano? Hayes delivers a virtuoso piano performance of Gershwin so good that you can’t even imagine anyone else in that part. I was lucky enough to see the final performance and witnessing Hayes contortions and skill was exhausting. Imagine how he must have felt by the time the show ended. I’m sorry I can’t tell you to go and see it, because it is too late, but wow, it was GREAT while it lasted. 4 cans.