Hostess With the Mostest

I had a moment of absolute panic recently amid the news reports of the demise of Hostess and Drakes. 

Growing up, after the Dugan man stopped delivering those super-sweet cupcakes along with our Dugan bread (for my Bumble Bee Tuna, natch), we turned to Hostess and Drakes.  Ah, Hostess Cupcakes, those iconic chocolate confectionery dreams, stuffed with that yummy cream filling and topped with chocolate icing and that ubiquitous squiggle of white.  Not that I would turn down a TastyKake, mind you, but to me, Hostess was the top of the food pyramid.  I was never a Twinkie eater, but those chocolate cupcakes conjure up sweet memories of my youth. 

And then there were Drakes cakes.  To this day, my former colleague Karen Louis knows never, ever, to utter those two words that drive me crazy:  “Devil Dogs.”  They came in a box and I’m sure more than once I ate the entire contents in a day.  I’ll admit that the chocolate cake part is really not what could be considered high quality, but those two slabs of cake surrounding that layer of “cream” – if that was actually what it was – made the concoction irresistible.  If you wanted a luscious outer layer of “icing,” you bought Yodels or Ring Dings.  Strangely, I never bought the Hostess equivalents of either of those delicious snacks.  As an adult, whenever I went to the Perryville Inn for dinner I always ordered their homemade version of the Ring Ding.  Put in my dessert order first, please.

Now Hostess Brands, which includes Drakes as well as Wonder Bread (remember “Builds strong bodies 12 ways”?) is up for sale.  Granted, I haven’t bought any of their products in years –first guilt and then Weight Watchers persuaded me to forgo these devilish treats – but should I cash in the IRA, sell the house and car and all my holdings to buy the company? 

When news reports of the demise of the Twinkie surfaced, people began stocking up on the snack cakes, even hoarding them, either to enjoy eating them or to resell them on E-Bay.  A collectors market?  These foods wouldn’t even need expiration dates in my house.  I hope someone decides to pick them up and continue producing them, and that they also provide jobs for their workers.

Last year I saw a documentary called, “No Contract, No Cookies” about the loyal workers at the Stella D’Oro factory in the Bronx who were about to be fired in a cost saving move.  Ultimately, the company sold the plant, put all of the workers out of work and moved to another state.  I haven’t eaten a Stella D’Oro since – mostly in protest.  In fact, maybe it would be better for me if Hostess did go out of business so that no Devil Dog would ever again tempt me.

But a buyer is bound to come forth.  I just hope it isn’t that interloper, Little Debbie.  I was in my local ShopRite (extensive research goes into each of my essays, as you can tell) and couldn’t help noticing that she has taken over the design of each of my favorite treats.  She thinks we won’t notice that her “Swiss Roll” is a Yodel rip-off.  Sure, she has the face of an angel, but Debbie has been hard at work, carefully copying the squiggle on Hostess for her own cupcakes and filling them with cream.  How dare she?  Trademark violation, anyone?  The display was filled with more copycat items:  Devil Squares (instead of Devil Dogs?  Come on, Debbie, we see right through you and the shape isn’t fooling us.), Marshmallow Pies (are you listening, Nabisco?  These are your Malomars!) and even a few items I don’t know whom she is ripping off.  Granted, I have never tried any of Debbie’s handiwork, and now I can’t even if I wanted to (principle and poundage).  But I take umbrage nonetheless.

Little Debbie smiles sweetly on the package, wearing a straw hat and looking like an escapee from the 1950s.  As it turns out, that’s just what she is.  Back in the early 60s the McKee Foods founder named the brand after his 4-year old granddaughter and used her picture.  Let’s hope her trust fund reflects this decision.  OK, she’s not some Debbie-come-lately, but where does she get off copying my favorite brands? 

The irony will be if McKee Foods buys Hostess and Little Debbie Cupcakes and Hostess become one and the same.  And therein lies my conundrum.  Do I buy or do I not buy the old or new Hostess products or Little Debbie Cupcakes?  With my Weight Watchers weigh-in taking place every Tuesday, I think this is more a theoretical issue that an actual one.  I haven’t had a Hostess Cupcake in years, and I can’t start now.

But ah, those sweet memories…

Tina's November 2012 Movies

This month's movie collection is one of my most eclectic. I saw a few movies that I hadn't seen in years to prepare myself for other versions of the stories.  I saw one of my AFTs (all-time favorites).  And I saw the Lifetime movie that gave Lindsay Lohan a chance to act instead of creating headlines just getting arrested.  As usual, numbering picks up from previous months and movies are graded on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 being the top.  Movies I had not seen previously are marked with an *.

114.  Flight* (2012) – Not since Tom Hanks reported “Houston, we have a problem” in Apollo 13 has there been such a terrifying flying incident – until now.  Whip Whittaker (Denzel Washington in a sure Oscar-nominated role) is cool, calm and collected despite the apparent failure of his airplane.  He puts the periled plane through some very tricky maneuvers that few pilots could even attempt, no less execute.  He is also drunk and high.  So, was the crash his fault?  And is he a drunk in dire need of help?  This is a man of strength, but also of rage, who insists he “chooses” to drink.  He needs no help, no consolation, no contact with anyone.  He just needs to drink.  John Goodman, as his dealer, supplies the only comic relief in this otherwise serious story reminiscent of “When a Man Loves a Woman” and “Days of Wine and Roses,” with all three movies providing insight into their main characters’ addictions.  It can be harrowing at times, and you want to like Whip, but Denzel, to his credit, makes that almost impossible.  4 cans.

115.  Apollo 13 – And speaking of Apollo 13, this Ron Howard movie holds you in suspense even though you already know the ending.  I think everyone knows the story, so I’ll instead mention that I can’t decide whether Tom Hanks in Apollo 13, Tom Hanks in Castaway or Tom Hanks in Big is my favorite Tom Hanks movie (and you can probably throw in Forrest Gump, for that matter.)  Not only is this a great story, but it is a great movie.  Although I don’t know what a command center, spacecraft or a simulator actually looks like, the look of the sets, the dialog of the crew and command center just seems authentic to me.  I can’t help holding my breath while we wait to see if the crew makes it back every time I see it.  Great movie and one of my ATFs.  5 cans.

116.  Casablanca (1942) – Bogart.  Bergman.  Wartime intrigue.  Romance.  You must remember this.  Here’s looking at you, kid.  Classic.  4½ cans.

117.  Lincoln* (2012) – Tall, dark and not particularly handsome, Abraham Lincoln (Daniel Day-Lewis, ready to face off against Denzel in this year’s race for the Best Actor Oscar) has just been reelected when we meet him on a battlefield in 1864.  Amiable, humble (and extremely tall, wearing an extremely tall top hat) and at times humorous, Lincoln is a dedicated politician, and he aims to abolish slavery by Constitutional Amendment with his lame-duck Congress as the Civil War dies down.  The scenes in the chambers of Congress play out like hirsute C-SPAN broadcasts, with posturing politicians (Tommy Lee Jones among them) and backroom patronage deals.  Sounds familiar?  Meanwhile, on the White House front, Lincoln’s wife, Marry Todd (Sally Field at her grittiest), is still grieving the loss of her son in the Civil War and wants to make sure her next son, Robert (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) doesn’t enlist.  She is an astute politician herself, and her scenes with Lincoln are amusing and furious.  I’d like to know how they made DDL look so tall.  When Lincoln gets up from a chair, it looks like he is unfolding or inflating like those air-filled figures that flap in the wind.  In the end, this movie is more politics than entertainment, and, despite the Steven Spielberg pedigree, too long and slow, so I am giving it just 3½ top hats.

118.  Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974) – There was a time when Ellen Burstyn seemed to be the lead in every movie, and this is one of them.  A waitress and sudden widow, Alice and her goofy son Tommy (Alfred Lutter), move to Arizona so she can pursue her singing career.  Instead, she ends up waiting tables at Mel’s Diner with waitresses Flo (Diane Ladd) and Vera (Valerie Curtain).  But slinging hash isn’t all that bad when Kris Kristofferson ambles into a booth.  Alice is insecure but wise-cracking, and eventually succumbs to his charms.  Look for a very young Jodie Foster as Tommy’s friend Audrey in this little gem.  4 cans.

119.  The Great Gatsby (1974) – This movie is more like “The Not-So-Great Gatsby” if you ask me.  A lush adaptation of the F. Scott Fitzgerald novel of the 1920s, the movie is the story of Jay Gatsby, mysterious self-made millionaire whose money means less than his love of the woman (Daisy Buchanon, played by Mia Farrow) he romanced when he was poor but who went on marry wealthy and obnoxious Tom Buchanon (Bruce Dern).  Gatsby doesn’t care that she’s married.  He just wants her back.  The story is told through the eyes of her distant cousin, Nick Carroway (Sam Waterston), who is spending his summer renting a place across the great lawn from the Gatsby estate.  The lavish production, sumptuous sets and even Gatsby’s pink suit hardly compensate for the innate shallowness of the story and the characters.  Oh, and if you decided to see this movie because Robert Redford plays the great Gatsby himself, you won’t even find him on screen for the first 35 minutes.  A new version of this movie is coming out next year with Leonardo DiCaprio in the lead, so I reread the book this summer and saw the movie to remind me of the story.  Having done all that, I think I’ll pass on Leo’s version, since I realize now that I didn’t really like these people any more than they liked each other.  3 cans, mostly for the production values and a chance to see Redford.

120.  No Place Like Home* (2012) – To say Josh Swade is a fan of the University of Kansas basketball really doesn’t do his fervor justice.  Dr. James Naismith himself, inventor of the game and a former Kansas coach, probably couldn’t summon up Josh’s enthusiasm.  So when Dr. Naismith’s original rules for the game come up for auction at Sotheby’s, Josh sets out to find wealthy alumni who will put up the money – estimated to be in the millions – to bring the rules home, where he feels they belong, to Allen Field House in Lawrence, Kansas, a place he calls “the cathedral of basketball.”  Josh’s effort is the heart of this documentary, another in the highly entertaining ESPN “30 for 30” series.  Josh is persuasive, but he has to be to get the money guys involved.  You have to admire a place where people turn out every year to support their team with such ardor, and you have to admire a man whose unselfish quest is all about the history of the game.  3½ cans.

121.  The Package* (1989) – I’m not much on action movies, but I tuned this one in thinking this Gene Hackman effort was a different movie.  Hackman is Sgt. Gallagher, assigned in Europe to escort a prisoner (Tommie Lee Jones) back to the US.  It turns out the prisoner isn’t who his papers say he is, and he is part of an assassination plot to prevent the signing of a treaty between the US and Russia.  That means plenty of action as good guys and bad guys try to outsmart and outshoot each other.  Joanna Cassidy, with really big curly hair, and Dennis Franz, playing his usual role as a cop, co-star.  And Hackman gets to have another car chase, though not nearly of the magnitude of his classic “The French Connection.”  3 cans.

122.  Liz & Dick* (2012) – The brawling, boozy and very public Elizabeth Taylor-Richard Burton romance/marriage/divorce/remarriage is dramatized in this Lifetime movie.  Anyone alive in the 60’s knows the story of how they met on the set of Cleopatra, dumped their respective spouses (Eddie Fisher seemed quite expendable), bought a lot of jewelry, spent a ton of money and gave rise to the phenomenon of paparazzi.  In this rendition, an overmatched Lindsay Lohan takes on the role of Elizabeth, but it was more than a pout that made the woman a huge movie star.  Grant Bowler is Burton and handles the Welshman’s masculinity and charmingly deep voice efficiently.  I didn’t find this movie as absolutely heinous or laugh- out-loud ridiculous as I had expected, but Lohan clearly needs a career reboot.  They did a good job with her makeup, however.  2 carats.

123.  Inventing David Geffen* (2012) – The road to success is not a straight line, as evidenced by David Geffen’s rise from the mailroom at the William Morris Agency to entertainment mogul in this fascinating documentary.  Geffen, along with Steven Spielberg and Jeffrey Katzenberg, is one of the men behind the studio Dreamworks.  His career began in the mailroom after faking his credentials, then he became an agent, quit to manage the career of rising singer-songwriter Laura Nyro, founded a record company, managed superstar groups such as The Eagles and Crosby, Still & Nash, went into producing Broadway shows and movies, started and sold another record company (where he recorded Donna Summer, Cher and Elton John), and became a multi-billionaire.  This documentary examines his instincts, his negotiating skills, his fierce loyalty and his refusal to back down from anyone.  Along the way, he became the most powerful man in show biz.  This is one interesting guy and a story well documented and told, with plenty of interviews and glimpses of the talented artists of my lifetime.  4 cans.

124.  Nothing In Common (1986) – David Basner (Tom Hanks) loves his life.  A 30-something ad exec, he loves working with his team and chasing women, and he’s good at both.  And then one day his mother leaves his father (Eva Maire Saint and Jackie Gleason) and David is forced to face family responsibilities, the truth about the relationship between his parents and how it has affected him.  You’d never know from this description that this movie is equal parts comedy and drama (the advertising scenes in the office draw the most comedy).  David leans on his old high school girlfriend (Bess Armstrong) for emotional support even though they have both moved on.  Gleason is terrific as irascible Max Basner, still trying to sell children’s clothes and ignoring his failing health as he rails at David.  My review doesn’t do the movie justice, because I think of it as a gem.  4 cans.

125.  Mary Poppins (1964) – This family-friendly fantasy stars Julie Andrews in the title role, playing, shall we say, a rather unconventional nanny who leads her charges on magical jaunts around London.  Dick Van Dyke is her buddy Bert, the chimney sweep.  I am surprised how much I had forgotten about this movie, and how much animation it includes.  It is a lovely and entertaining tale, but not really designed for someone who has trouble suspending her sense of reality.  Since I am seeing the Broadway musical tomorrow, I thought I would reacquaint myself with the story.  I think a musical like this will sparkle more on stage.  3 cans.

Intimate Encounters

Intimate Encounters

November, 2012

Disclaimer:  This month’s entry probably contains a bit too much information (TMI) for some of you, and the men among my readers may not know or care about this subject at all.  I do, however, hope that if they read this essay, they will have greater sympathy for the plight of women and their dressing challenges.

When it comes to buying “intimate apparel,” men have a decided advantage over women as evidenced by three simple words:  Boxers or briefs?

Until the introduction of “boxer-briefs,” men had two basic choices in underwear.  Sure, there are colors and patterns, but for the most part, men don’t shop for underwear as much as they restock, simply buying the same thing repeatedly when the old stuff either wears out completely or turns pink because it was washed with a favorite red shirt.  Besides, many men don’t shop for underwear at all.  That’s the stuff they get for Christmas or when they leave for college, usually purchased by a wife, girlfriend or mother.

For women, this chore is markedly different. 

As someone who thinks the term “lingerie” is a foreign word (and it is, isn’t it?), and whose drawers (get it?) are stuffed with the same style of underwear you could find in a nursing home for anyone not dependent on Depends, I find it challenging to buy intimate apparel.  After losing a great deal of weight, buying new undergarments is a necessity.  No La Perla $125 intimates for me, just very standard issue cotton underwear will do.  I’m not looking for satin or lace, for matching under-outfits, or for anything Frederick’s of Hollywood would even carry.  Sure, I’ve been in Victoria’s Secret, but only to buy gift cards for other people who, unlike me, don’t think of Victoria as a slut.  My stuff comes in plastic packages from Hanes, but even the task of selecting from among that limited collection is overwhelming.  There are briefs, “boy” briefs (huh?), bikinis, string bikinis, hipsters, high-cuts, low-rise and, much to my amazement, thongs.  Who wants to walk around all day in that kind of discomfort?  In fact, some of the packaged panties I buy actually include a “no ride up” claim and purport to be “wedgie free,” which no thong style could ever match.  One style has a “comfort soft” waistband, too. 

To add to my shopping conundrum, let’s throw in pantyhose and Spanx, those “undie-tectable” tourniquets that promise to make you “slim cognito” by smoothing out your body parts.  I’m convinced that constricting your inner organs and forcing them to gather together closely after years of floating around freely must be a bad idea.  But damn, don’t you look good?  Never mind that you can’t breathe, and that the fleshy parts will eventually work their way up or down so either your ankles or neck will look huge even as your middle looks slim and trim. 

Recently I had an event to attend that suggested “cocktail” attire, which meant I would have to forego my usual pants and jacket in favor of an actual dress, thus necessitating the wearing of pantyhose.  But what to buy?  Could I tolerate Control Top?  Can I accept No Nonsense?  Do I need “smart support?”  There are “almost bare,” “Sheer Energy,” sheer toe, reinforced toe, ultra sheer, sheer to waist (what happens then?), and one pair I found which claims to be “Exceptionally comfortable.”  Does that mean the others not so branded are exceptionally uncomfortable?  One pair was marked “revitalizing,” which made me want to slip them over my face in hopes of ridding myself of the bags under my eyes – until I realized that with pantyhose over my head I would look like I was about to rob a gas station.  You can select from black, jet black, off-black, midnight black, and 50 shades of tan (nude, suntan, beige, natural, etc.).

And then there is the size issue.  You check the chart on the package to match up your height and weight with an assigned letter size.  Since I have lost so much weight, I no longer have to default to the largest size available, but I swear that my height and weight were unmarked on the chart, falling between two sizes and landing me in uncharted territory, a tiny section of the chart that appears in white – no color – with no corresponding letter.  I automatically defaulted to the next size, as any woman would, and bought what I thought might work.  I took them home and tried them on, hoping that the crotch wouldn’t land half way down to my knees.  I have to admit that it was daunting to open the package and see a tiny little top part that, when matched up against my considerable midsection girth, at least in my mind seemed to say, “No way these will ever get on me.”  I guess if we can launch men to the moon we can invent a material stretchy enough to pack in all the requisite body parts while not entirely constricting oxygen and blood flow.  At least I hope so.

The control top cinched me in, the legs reenergized me (assuming I was energized in the first place), and that was helpful because by the time I stuffed myself into the pair of sausage skins, I was exhausted.  Forget my daily hour-long walks and workouts in the pool.  Putting on a pair of pantyhose burns more calories than any activity I do all week, and that’s not even taking into consideration the contortion required to get my feet into them and yank them into place.

After getting them on and being at least a little pleased with myself, it dawned on me that the long night lie ahead, and eventually I would have to go through almost this same process again if I had to visit the ladies room.  Do any of the manufacturers provide a catheter to aid in that process?  That might be easier than the wrestling match required to put the pantyhose on again. 

Unlike other women, I cannot ever put my feet into a shoe that isn’t a sandal without wearing some sort of hosiery on them.  So it looks like if I am going to up my game, wear underwear that fits and stuff myself into pantyhose with a dress, I will have to suck it up and in and get on with the deed.  How (and, for that matter, why), I wonder, do drag queens do it?  And what size do they wear?  All I know is that it isn’t always easy being a female of the species.

Tina's October Movies

Hurricane Sandy had a devastating effect on the East Coast in October, with a path of destruction and lack of power. That means less movie watching and publishing my monthly list a bit late.  I hope you all survived the storm and are safe and well. As usual, numbering picks up from previous months and movies are graded on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 being the top. Movies I had not seen previously are marked with an *.

103.  Norma Rae (1979) – It’s a long way from Sister Bertrille in “The Flying Nun” to Norma Rae for Sally Field in this gritty movie about a young widow who works in a textile mill down South.  Field’s title character lives with her parents and her two kids, barely making a living in the sweltering, dusty plant, along with most of the rest of the town.  When Ruben (Ron Liebman) shows up – a union organizer from New York City and truly a stranger in a strange land – and tries to convince the locals that they are being exploited and need the union to protect them, Norma Rae becomes his staunchest supporter.  The scene where she is forced out of the factory but defies management by simply standing on a table holding up a “UNION” sign remains a powerful visual and a turning point for the story.  Field won her first Oscar for her spot-on portrayal of a fearless woman ready to tackle the unknown.  Beau Bridges, as her mostly quiet husband, joins her in another memorable scene where she vows to cook, clean, iron and make love – all at once.  Of course, you have to buy in to the generalization that big companies exist to exploit their workers and never have their interests at heart, but this movie is very good at conveying that specific scenario, at least in this town.  4 cans.

104.  Steel Magnolias* (2012) – Speaking of Sally Field, the star of the original version of this movie, here is a new version aired by Lifetime TV and starring an all black cast, headed by Queen Latifah in the role played by Field.  Queen brings her alpha woman strength and attitude to the role of MaLynn, the mother of Shelby (Condola Rashad), a young woman about to get married and living with diabetes.  The strength of the story comes from the bonds of the Southern women (Jill Scott, Phyllicia Rashad and Alfre Woodard) who congregate at Truvie’s Beauty shop to complain about their husbands and lives and offer friendship and comfort to each other in good times and bad.  The script has been updated to include references to Michelle Obama and Beyonce, but the story is largely the same.  Maybe because the original was so memorable that I can recall the zingers delivered by Dolly Parton (“There ain’t no such thing as natural beauty”) Olympia Dukakis and Shirley Maclaine (and a young Julia Roberts as Field’s daughter), this time around I knew what was coming and it didn’t have the same impact.  Latifah has a harder edge and lacks the vulnerability Field brought to the role.  Still, I find the strength and friendship of women appealing and commendable, so it’s hard to knock any story which features that bond as its main theme.  3 cans.

105.  Argo* (2012) – When 52 Americans were taken hostage in the American Embassy in Iran in 1979, six people managed to avoid captivity, seeking refuge in the residence of the Canadian Ambassador.  While the world focused on the hostages and their 444 days of captivity, the CIA considered ways to safely remove the missing six, who would soon be discovered missing by the Iranians.  CIA operative Tony Mendez (Ben Affleck, who also directed), proposed the best of the bad ideas – to pose as Canadians scouting locations in the Middle East to make a science fiction movie titled “Argo.”  But to make the fake movie seem real, he needed Hollywood help (from John Goodman and Alan Arkin, both wryly amusing) – including a script, storyboards and a fake production company – as well as passports and bios for each of the six.  He finds a script for a potentially terrible movie (shades of “The Producers”) and puts the plan into action.  Would the Iranians buy the concept of scouting locations amid the upheaval?  Affleck shows a deft hand in directing this clever movie, based on the actual events, making it both suspenseful and comedic in turn.  4 cans.

106.  Abduction: The Carlina White Story*(2012) – Ordinarily I won’t subject myself to Lifetime’s overly dramatic dramas, but this one was based on a true story, so it intrigued me.  Besides, I like the actresses – Keke Palmer and Sherri Shepherd (in a serious role) – who played the leads.  Carlina was just a few days old when she went to the hospital with a fever.  There a woman who had just lost her third baby and was posing as a nurse befriended her parents and, when they left temporarily, abducted her and raised her as her own.  No amount of pictures on milk cartons and pressure on the police could find the missing child.  The new mother managed to raise her without much of a job but with help from her sister.  However, when teenaged Carlina needed a birth certificate, she learned that she was not who she thought she was.  Still a bit overly dramatic, the movie nonetheless brings up the subject of parenting, of identity and who really are we.  Not that I would recommend this movie, but the performances were good.  2½ cans.

107.  Rain Man (1988) – The Best Picture of 1988, Rain Main is perhaps Tom Cruise’s finest performance.  I tend to find him very self-conscious as an actor, or maybe it’s just me seeing his Tom Cruiseness in every role.  Here he is the brash Charlie Babbitt, a failing luxury car dealer with a lot on his plate when his estranged father dies.  Not only does he not inherit the  rich man’s fortune, he learns he has a brother Raymond (Dustin Hoffman) who has been institutionalized for years.  Hoffman’s performance as a savant, which won him the Oscar, is amazing.  His every movement and utterance is completely in character of the man whose life is dictated by strict routine.  He has to watch Judge Wapner every day, buy his underwear at Kmart and eat fish sticks and lime Jell-O on Wednesdays.  As Charlie drags him across country in order to wrest his inheritance away, they develop a bond, with Charlie accommodating Raymond’s strange demands and awkward responses while developing a brotherly love.  This is an original story, and it deserves all the accolades it received.  4½ cans.

108.  Doubt (2010) – There is no doubt that Meryl Streep is the premiere actress of her generation.  Here she is Sister Aloysius, an unyielding nun who serves as principal of a Boston school in the 1950s.  Nearly engulfed by her habit, Streep has only her face and voice with which to convey her character, a stereotypical scary nun fiercely wedded to intimidation and tradition in the education a rowdy group of kids in a Catholic school.  She frowns upon the new parish priest, Father Flynn (the brilliant Philip Seymour Hoffman), a man who dares to use a ballpoint pen instead of a fountain pen and is friendly with the students.  Too friendly, Sister Aloysius suspects, after a young nun (Amy Adams) notes some strange behavior by the only black student in the school after visiting with Father Flynn.  Was the priest merely trying to reach out to help the young man or was there something untoward in his action?  There is a memorable scene between Streep and the boy’s mother, played by Oscar-nominated Viola Davis.  But the crux of the story is doubt itself, doubt about the priest’s credibility, doubt about whether suspicion and intolerance are enough to convict someone of acting inappropriately without being a witness to such action.  This provocative movie was one of the best of the year, and seeing it again left no doubt why.  4 cans.

109.  My Fair Lady (1964) – I have to love this movie since it is all about using proper English, grammar and enunciation.  Professor Henry Higgins (Rex Harrison) sets out to prove he can convert an uneducated Cockney guttersnipe into a woman with class and charm – often despite her protestations.  Audrey Hepburn plays Eliza Doolittle, the object of his intentions in this erudite Lerner & Lowe musical.  The lyrics tell the story brilliantly in this musical adaptation of the classic Pygmalion tale.  I could have danced all night.  4½ cans.

110.  Love, Actually (2003) – Love actually can be quite challenging, especially for those who don’t love their mates, or who love someone else, or who don’t have a partner at all, or who lust after someone without their knowledge or encouragement.  A plethora of British actors (Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Alan Rickman, Keira Knightley, Liam Neeson, Bill Nighy, among others) appear in this ensemble, playing witty, charming, lonely and desperate people (sometimes all at the same time), sometimes looking for love in all the wrong places, and looking for it all around Christmas. This was one of the first holiday movie ensembles that I can remember, where the characters are divided up into duos or trios and only occasionally intersect in each other’s stories.  This movie pulls off the trick neatly, with the characters finally reaching happiness after a series of trials.  It also happens to have one of my favorite holiday songs, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” by Kelly Clarkson (and yes, I am Jewish, but I still like the song).  The whole thing made me want to run to an airport and greet strangers.  3½  cans.

111.  Ethel* (2012) – When I think of someone named Ethel, either Mertz or Kennedy comes to mind.  This loving tribute to Ethel Kennedy by her youngest child, Rory (born six months after the assassination of her father, Robert, in 1964), reveals much about her background, faith and fun-loving side.  Ethel Skakel was born into a wealthy family similar to the Kennedys, competitive and outdoorsy.  Rory and Ethel cover the Ethel’s courtship, her parenting style and the role of the children in JFK’s 1960 presidential campaign as well as their participation in RFK’s ill-fated run in 1964.  Ethel is strong and stoic in the face of the loss of her parents in an airplane crash, the loss of two of her 11 children and, of course, the assassination of both her brother-in-law and her husband.  Since Ethel raised her brood largely on her own, she should get the lion’s share of the credit for the continuing tradition of Kennedys serving in non-profit and community service capacities.  Informative, if not revealing, this documentary takes Ethel out of the background and sheds light on her life and her family.  3 cans.

112.  All the President’s Men (1976) – And speaking of presidential politics, this account of Watergate by Washington Post reporters Woodward and Bernstein reads like a procedural drama.  As they peel back the layers of the onion that was the break-in to the Democratic National Committee’s headquarters at the Watergate, they heed informant Deep Throat’s advice to “follow the money,” tracking the trail of dirty tricks in Richard Nixon’s 1972 campaign all the way into the White House.  The mark of a good movie based on a true story is whether it can sustain the suspense even though we all know the outcome, and this one does just that.  There are nice touches on the look of the Post’s newsroom, the process for confirming information and dealing with “non-denial denials” and seeing now antiquated typewriters, phones that dial and using phone books for reference.  This entire episode changed our culture and the lives of so many people involved.  Kudos to Robert Redford, Dustin Hoffman and Jason Robards as editor Ben Bradlee for their performances in this compelling drama.  4½ cans.

113.  John Portman: Life of Building* (2012) – The late 20^th century and current work of noted architect John Portman is profiled in this PBS documentary.  Master of modern architecture, Portman first gained acclaim for breaking the mold of boxy hotels with his innovative Hyatt Hotel in Atlanta.  Soaring atriums, flowing shapes and open spaces characterize his design aesthetic.  Portman became a developer, sculptor, painter and international businessman whose work is well represented throughout China and in 60 cities globally.  With the use of time lapse photography, this documentary helps the viewer experience their splendor in daylight, sunset and nighttime.  This movie presents stunning design and beautiful visuals for those interested in modern architecture.  3½ cans.

RIP, James E. Burke

The world lost a bright light – and I lost one of my heroes – with the recent death of former J&J CEO James E. Burke.  Ironically, he passed away right around the time that marks the 30^th anniversary of the TYLENOL crisis, the event for which Burke was best known.

In September of 1982, seven people died in the Chicago area from ingesting TYLENOL that had been tampered with, the capsules opened and the acetaminophen replaced with deadly cyanide.  To date, no one has ever been convicted of this reprehensible crime.  The event – and Johnson & Johnson’s public response to it – has been cited as a textbook case of crisis management.  Soon after its return to the market, TYLENOL regained its place as the market leader in the pain reliever category. 

Plenty of people take credit for their roles in this well-known case, but it was Burke himself who called the shots.  Not armed with a “crisis manual” – they didn’t exist at the time – he relied on his instincts, his heart and on the Johnson & Johnson Credo to do the right thing and guide his actions, which included recalling all bottles of TYLENOL and damn the cost (which added up to about $100 million).

But it is not the Jim Burke that brought the business back who left an indelible mark on me.  It is the Jim Burke who, during a nationally televised press conference from our New Brunswick headquarters, choked up in mentioning the seven victims.  It is the Jim Burke who allowed “60 Minutes” to sit in and broadcast strategy sessions with senior management, and the Jim Burke who won over a live audience of mostly women, and, in the process, a national audience, by appearing on the daytime talk show hosted by the king of daytime, Phil Donahue.  There, viewers got the measure of this remarkable man, his humility, his humanity, his sincerity.  That was the Burke I knew.

Mr. Burke became chairman in 1976, and I worked closely with him on presentations until he retired from J&J 13 years later.  I was young and too far down on the org chart to meet one-on-one with the CEO, but that happened frequently.  When his executive assistant – my still-good friend and fellow graduate of Somerville High School, Helen Hughes – would summon me to his office, I always asked if I should bring my boss, because that was proper protocol.  No, she’d say, “he said ‘Just Tina.’”  To this day, she calls me “Justina.”

Burke was an exceptional and inspiring leader, a brilliant businessman who combined a creative streak and business acumen, and who considered the ideas of others and sought their input but who was not afraid to make a decision.  You could not outthink him.  If I came up with a dozen ways to illustrate something, he’d suggest another one that I hadn’t considered.  Not that I always appreciated his input, especially during long days, night and weekends revising and revising and revising his presentation to the shareholders, but you could not get mad at this man, because he wanted the best and always delivered on his end.  Once, after we finished a rehearsal of his talk for the shareholders, J&J President Dave Clare got up to speak.  He had no sooner uttered, “Good morning, Jim,” when Burke interrupted him to make a change.  Hmm, I thought, if he’s changing, “Good morning, Jim,” we are in for a LONG day.

After a grinding stretch, which required countless hours of preparation, and finally the culmination of that work, when he would deliver his speech, Burke would send me a note or give me a bone-crushing hug.  I would feel the warmth and gratitude of that man as his arms enveloped me.  Now, we’d worry about sexual harassment, but then, it was like was two friends who had worked together in triumph, sharing a victory. 

Jim Burke was about as down-to-earth as a major business leader could possibly be.  Once we went on the company plane to California, where he addressed a group of West Coast employees.  The next day, he wanted to check out the packaging on the diaper boxes in a local supermarket.  He bought a few boxes, but, since he didn’t need the diapers, he stood at the cash register and offered the diapers to the other shoppers.  I could feel their eyes follow us out of the store as we got into a huge stretch limo.  “Who was that masked man?” they must have thought. 

The most profound impact Jim Burke made on me was in 1979, when he ended his presentation to a major management conference by telling everyone in the room that they should be having fun.  Fun was something I hadn’t considered much at work since I was usually too busy working.  But Jim Burke gave me license to have fun, and that is advice I not only followed but also have passed along to everyone who ever worked for me:  Work hard, do your best and have fun, and if you aren’t having fun, you are in the wrong place.  I even consoled my nephew with those words of wisdom after he would be the goalie on the losing soccer team.  I hope the people to whom I provided this advice will pass it along to the next generation as I did.

I have been fortunate to have some great role models and heroes in my life: My parents, my high school English teacher, Larry Foster (the man who hired me and helped me flourish and who knows more about public relations than ANYONE), my next boss (Bill Nielsen) and, last but not least, Jim Burke.  I’ll remember him in his prime, handsome and robust, the smartest man in the room and certainly, the most fun.  RIP, Mr. Burke.

Tina's September Movies

Here are the few movies I had a chance to see in September. Numbering picks up from previous months, and movies I had not seen previously are marked with an *.  Movies are rated on a scale of 1 to 5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 being the top of the scale.

96. Love Story (1970) – What can you say about a 25-year old woman who died – 42 years ago? That she appeared in a corny, sappy and irresistible movie that even now I adore watching – not all the time, but every once in a while. Erich Segal’s tearjerker involves rich preppie Harvard guy Oliver Barrett IV (Ryan O’Neal, looking FINE), who falls hard for poor, smart and snarky Radcliffe girl Jennifer Cavalleri (Ali MacGraw). They meet cute, marry, suffer through estrangement from his incredibly wealthy father and endure poverty as they put him through law school, and just as he is getting himself established with a prestigious law firm in New York, she comes down with movie star disease (you can assume it’s cancer, but they never name it, she has no symptoms, and it will kill her quickly, the doctor advises Oliver). No amount of money will save Jenny, leaving poor Ollie to look forlorn. The memorable score by Francis Lai adds to the melodrama, and I can’t help but think about the Carol Burnett-Harvey Korman send-up of this movie, but, truth be told, I am a sucker for sap and I love “Love Story!” 4 cans and a box of Kleenex, please!
97. Thief* (1991) – James Caan channels his Sonny Corleone tough-guy persona in this story about Frank, a man in the car business by day and the safecracking business by night. An ex-con, Frank is an expert safecracker, but he wants just one more big score so he can get out of the business and on with his life. He marries Jessie (Tuesday Weld) and adopts a young son, but the complicated score he is working on gets more complicated when his “client” (Robert Prosky) changes the terms of their deal. If you know anything about filmmaker Michael Mann, you will immediately recognize his visual style and pounding soundtrack (think “Miami Vice” but without the pastel suits). There is plenty of violence and tough-guy posturing, and Frank, like Sonny Corleone, doesn’t mind taking matters into his own hands. Drop the gun and grab the cannolis. 3 cans.
98. Chapter Two* (1979) – James Caan sheds his tough-guy persona here to star as George Schneider, a New York author who is grieving the loss of his beloved wife Barbara. His friends and his brother Leo (Joseph Bologna) want to set him up with new women, and when he meets actress Jennifer (Marsha Mason), he falls hard and fast. In no time, they get married, but George has trouble allowing himself to enjoy his new life and wife while he hasn’t finished mourning the last one. George can be charming one minute and sullen the next, but Jenny is patient and plucky and in for the long haul. This movie was written by Neil Simon, who based the story on his own experiences and was married to Marsha Mason. It contains some of the witty repartee for which Simon known, but not enough to lift the veil of gloom. I give it extra points for co-starring Valerie Harper as Jenny’s best friend. 2½ cans.
99. Somebody Up There Likes Me (1956) – Paul Newman plays middleweight champ Rocky Graziano, whose roughneck style in the ring came from his life on the streets on New York. Rocky Barbella, his real name, was a hoodlum growing up, someone the cops knew by name and sight, always in trouble, hanging out with a gang (including a young Sal Mineo), looking for the next score and backing down from no one. His bleak future grows yet bleaker when he is drafted into the Army. Intolerant of any kind of authority, Rocky simply leaves one day, but eventually he is captured and sent to Leavenworth to do hard time. There, one of the inmates sees him fighting and tells him to come by Stillman’s Gym when he gets out. With nothing better to do, Rocky shows up one day, offers to spar, refuses to train, and devastates opponents with a brutal right hand. Along the way, he changes his name to avoid bad publicity, actually finds a nice girl to marry him, and turns his life around completely. Newman is all twitchy and jumpy as Rocky and scores a knockout performance as the champ. This movie does make you wonder why anyone would want to be a professional fighter, although in Rocky’s case, he would have been fighting in the streets for much less of a payday. 3½ cans.
100. Arbitrage* (2012) – Richard Gere has eased handsomely into silver-fox parts. Here he plays Robert Miller, millionaire head of a family-owned investment firm, a philanthropist and philanderer who is trying to sell his company before it crumbles around him. He is altruistic and generous – and desperate about that little $400 million hole in the books. Like the part he played in “Unfaithful,” he commits a reprehensible act and acts amorally, relying on others for the cover-up, which he professes to do because too many people would be hurt. Never mind the crime and its ultimate end, he’s just ever so thoughtful. I kept waiting for more suspense or twists, but instead had to watch the dogged, Columbo-like detective (Tim Roth) try to crack the case by harassing the young man Miller enlists to help him, who the detective figures will crack. I haven’t seen Gere this emotional and frustrated since Louis Gossett Jr. tormented him as Private Mayo in “An Officer and a Gentleman.” Here, he is neither. 3 cans.
101. Inherit the Wind* (1960) – Esteemed barristers Henry Drummond (Spencer Tracy) and Matthew Harrison Brady (Fredric March) face off in a sweltering Hillsborough, Tennessee, courtroom in this movie based on the Scopes Monkey trial. Young teacher Bert Cates (Dick York) is accused of teaching Darwin’s theory of evolution to his high school classes, much to the consternation of the religious right, led by Reverend Brown (Claude Akins), whose daughter is engaged to Cates. The drama examines every angle of the story, of religious fervor, of scientific analysis, of the relevance of the Bible and the role of religion and in the laws and how they are administered in the court system. Tracy delivers a stellar performance, matched in histrionics by the more volatile March, in this thought-provoking drama. Preachy at times, it nonetheless holds your attention, though I confess I can’t imagine this film having a wide commercial success, given the subject matter. It is a classic that I finally took time to see. 4 cans.
102. A Star Is Born (1976) – Barbra Streisand’s prodigious talents and prominent proboscis are on display in this tale of a singer whose star is on the rise while her husband’s career hits the skids. Kris Kristofferson plays John Norman Howard, a rock star whose performances on stage are fueled by drugs and alcohol and whose life is in free fall when he meets club singer Esther Hoffman. With his help and connections, she becomes a star and marries him, despite his warnings that he’s probably not good for her in the long run. The end of the movie is inevitable, but just seeing Barbra in her curly perm and pantsuits and hearing her sing “Evergreen” makes the movie worth seeing – but no more often than once every 20 years or so. 3 cans.

Random Thoughts for September 2012

I got a call recently from a company doing a survey, and the woman launched immediately into a question about the number of people in my household. I countered with a question of my own: "What is this survey about?" She said she couldn't tell me the sponsor, but I told her I wasn't interested in the sponsor, just in the nature of the questions so I would know whether answering them was worth my time. She said it was a matter of national interest. Politics? Religion? Environmental affairs? She said she didn't know the answer to my question. So, someone is calling to ask me questions in a survey and she doesn't know the nature of the questions? I'll pass, I told her.

Speaking of unwanted phone calls, is anything more annoying than the robocalls that tell you there is nothing wrong with your credit card but that they want to talk to you about getting a lower rate? Once I actually pressed the key to speak with a rep to tell him that it is illegal to call someone on the Do Not Call list and I wasn't interested in the services of his company. He wouldn't give me the name of the company or let me speak to a manager. Instead, he launched into a string of profanity the likes of which was rather startling. Rather than hang up, I proceeded to goad him by complimenting him on his colorful vocabulary, asking him if he had to undergo special training to master this impressive skill and telling him that his parents must be so proud of the career he was pursuing. All the while he kept insisting I should perform physically impossible activities. I think if I were him, I'd rather take tolls at the Lincoln Tunnel. I don't think there's much of a future in his line of work.

Before I went on Weight Watchers, I used to crave chocolate. Now I crave fruit. And chocolate. But not together, please.

“The Hunger Games” has a whole different meaning in this house, though it is all about survival in our respective worlds. Eat less, move more.

One of the advantages to losing weight - and there are too many to list - is that I can now throw my clothes in the dryer and not worry that they will shrink. In fact, I actually have to throw some things in and hope they WILL shrink, or they will be too big for me after one wearing. I know now that when I buy new things to keep the tags on so I can always take them back if they are too big by the time I am ready to wear them. Kohl’s is especially good about returns.

How did my iron ever fit in the original box? I store it in there now and despite working every angle, it is impossible to get it back neatly into the box. How did it come that way?

Why is the hair on my legs so much more noticeable when I have no access to a razor? I can sit by the pool and count all the strays I missed when I shaved them the last time. Not that I can remember when that was.

Do you ever get a song running through your head that drives you crazy? They call them "earworms," I'm told. Today I had two: "Ring My Bell" (probably because it is played while I do aqua aerobics) and Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative" (probably because while exercising to "Ring My Bell" we discussed perogies. Get it?).

There is so little food in my house sometimes that when I open the refrigerator, it looks as if I either am moving that day or just moved in.

I don't watch golf on TV, but I caught the end of a tournament recently. I don't understand how the golfers can tell where the ball lands when they are so far away from it. Is it the roar of the crowd? The crowd would roar for a good shot, but how can you tell if the shot is merely good or if it goes into the hole? Especially if it curves 40 feet and lands completely outside your line of sight.

Are you still using the knives, kitchen gadgets and towels you got as shower gifts or when you first moved out on your own? If so, isn't it time to replace them? You don't need a bridal shower to venture into the housewares section on your own and step up your game. BTW, the things I most often use in my kitchen are a pair of tongs and a spatula when I am cooking, cutting boards (individually designated for fruit, vegetables or chicken), and a spreader, which tells me I eat too many carbs if I am always spreading something on them.

I am busy walking outside these days, but even there, I have my rules. I don't like to backtrack. I have to find routes that let me keep walking but without turning around and passing the same way going home. Don't think this is easy. I do the same thing in the supermarket. No backtracking allowed.

When I was young, all kids wanted to be firemen or teachers or baseball players. I wonder if today's kids aspire to work for a paper shredding company or a storage facility.

What happens to all those houses with solar panels when there is no sun? No heat? No electricity? How about the street lights? Is that why Hillsborough seems so dark at night?

Speaking of night, here's some advice: Don't get locked out of your house at night. The locksmith who comes to help you has you over a barrel. It's not like I wanted to spend the night on my front porch, and it's not like I went out for a walk without my key. The front doorknob lock just froze, stranding me with - thankfully - a cell phone. $400 later, I was in, the lock was replaced and rekeyed to work with the existing deadbolt and key and all is well. But the next time I get locked out, I'll try to do it during the daytime.

Whatever happened to mail boxes? I walk all over my side of town, up and down numerous residential streets, and I have yet to find one. Meanwhile, the local post office here in Hillsborough isn't open for business until 10 AM. Really? Yes, you can throw a letter into the mailbox in the parking lot, but don't try to go inside to mail a package on your way to work. I know the USPS is in financial straits, but if the post office isn't open convenient hours, people will find another way to mail their packages. And that won't put $ in the coffers of the USPS. I just said that so I could use the word "coffers."

Is your brother-in-law's brother also your brother-in-law - but once removed - or do you simply refer to him as my brother-in-law's brother?

I can't believe I have been out of college for 40 years. How is that possible when I am so young?

What's with all these stink bugs? They are the slowest bugs I have ever seen. I'll find them hanging on the edge of a lamp or crawling slowly across the floor, making it easy to scoop them up and give them a ride to the toilet. If you crush them, they live up to their names and STINK. I pay the exterminator over $300 to spray the house to keep them out. I don't know where they came from, but I wish they'd go back.

Everybody cleans the house the day before the cleaning lady comes, right?

I've lived in this house for 5 years now and still am not used to all the noises. The humming refrigerator, the busy ice maker, the wine fridge, the attic fan, the furnace/air conditioner - and that's not counting the washer, the dryer, and the birds and the crickets. It's no wonder I have trouble sleeping.

My sister and I had a recent conversation about pillow tickings. Do people even know what they are (they are pillow covers that zip over your pillow to protect it. From what, I’m not sure.) We use them, wash them and swear by them to protect our pillows, but I wonder, do young people know what they are? Do people still have them/buy them/wash them/use them? Wow, I do have too much time on my hands.

Have you seen the gigantic eyeglasses athletes and stars are wearing these days? I have a few old pairs that are the size of a windshield but not nearly the contemporary style, so I can't wear them. Why do I still have them? I have no idea.

To me, wearing a hat is a commitment. Once I put one on – which I do every time I go out for a walk – I know my hair will be affected in some way, and probably not in a flattering way at that. So once I wear a hat, I have to wear it the rest of the day. It’s a commitment.

If the 80s ever come back, I am ready. I have lots of double-breasted suits with pleated pants and huge (football player huge) shoulders. If they ever remake the TV show “Dynasty,” they can put me in charge of wardrobe.

I use I Can't Believe It's Not Butter (Light), but, unfortunately, I can.

Tina's August Movies

Between the Olympics and social obligations, I only had a chance to see 7 movies in August, including two on Lifetime TV, thereby breaking my rule against watching movies with commercial interruptions. Next month I will try to do a better job. Numbering picks up from the previous month, and movies marked with a * are ones I haven't seen previously.

89. In & Out (1997) – Kevin Kline stars in this funny farce about a high school teacher/drama coach who is “outed” at the Oscars by a former student who wins the award for best actor (and the scenes of his movie are hilariously bad). About to marry a fellow teacher (Joan Cusak, who almost steals the show), Kline vehemently denies the charge that he is gay, though he is forced to examine his love for all things Streisand and whether he can forego dancing to “I Will Survive.” Tom Selleck, a TV reporter assigned to the story in rural Greenleaf, Indiana, reveals that he, too, is gay. Debbie Reynolds and Wilfred Brimley play Kline’s parents and Matt Dillon is the Oscar-winning actor in a story that poses the question, “Is everybody gay?” All I know is that everyone is laughing, because this is a funny and charming movie. 4 cans.
90. Hope Springs* (2012) – Whenever there is a Meryl Streep movie out, you go to see it full of hope that it will be memorable, outstanding and entertaining. “Hope Springs” qualifies on the lowest rung of that scale. Meryl and Tommy Lee Jones are an old married couple in this “romantic” comedy, going through the motions of a dull and drab life together in their empty nest. He comes down for the same breakfast every day and silently reads the headlines while she serves him. In the evenings, he falls asleep in the recliner watching the Golf Channel before retreating to his bed in the guest room, while she pines for intimacy, romance and any conversation that doesn’t involve someone’s tax returns. Realizing they need help, she signs them up for a $4000 week of couples therapy in Maine, which he insists is not only completely unnecessary – isn’t the fact that they have been married 31 years enough to show they have a successful marriage, he ponders – but way too expensive. She decides to go anyway, and he reluctantly joins her. Steve Carrell is completely wasted in the role of the sincere and helpful therapist who gets the recalcitrant couple to do things they haven’t done in years – and possibly ever (and I was more that a little uncomfortable watching Meryl stoop to some of the assignments). I wish there had been more comedy here – can you imagine Bob Newhart as the therapist? – but any movie with Meryl starts with at least one can. Jones is a good match for her, as grumpy as she is sincere, but overall, despite a few humorous moments, there is a lot of pain to witness here. OK, but not great. Sorry, Meryl. 3½ cans.
91. Anywhere But Here* (1999) – Susan Sarandon and a very young Natalie Portman play mother and daughter Adele and Ann August. Flighty Adele moves her 14-year old from her familiar surroundings in Wisconsin to Beverly Hills, despite the fact that they can’t afford to live there. The eternal optimist – except when she takes to her bed in a fit of depression – Adele is determined to make their meager existence better, even if it means lying to do so. Who is the mature person in this relationship, you wonder. Sarandon and Portman give outstanding performances as the eccentric mother and the sometimes sullen teenager. Ann realizes she needs to break free of her mother, but Adele is not about to let go easily. I somehow had missed this movie that I always had wanted to see, and I am happy I finally caught up with it. 3½ cans.
92. J. Edgar* (2011) – Leonardo DiCaprio is J. Edgar Hoover in Clint Eastwood’s biopic about the man who led the FBI for nearly 50 years. Fiercely loyal to the agency and protective of the U.S., Hoover became more powerful than virtually anyone in the country. He pioneered the establishment of a federal registry for fingerprints and championed the federal legislation on kidnapping after conflicts with NJ law enforcement during the Lindbergh baby’s disappearance. A vengeful man, he didn’t hesitate to take credit for things he didn’t do or to establish an enemies list that even Richard Nixon could envy, tracking the private lives of anyone who disagreed with him or crossed him. Ironically, he had a long-term relationship with a man he hired at the FBI, Clyde Tolson (Armie Hammer), all the while railing against homosexuals. This movie depicts a zealot who abused his power absolutely, answered to virtually no one yet remained devoted to his mother and his job. DiCaprio looks more like Philip Seymour Hoffman than Hoover, but he does a credible job, looking angry enough to burst at the seams throughout the movie. It was hard for me to separate my disdain for Hoover from the credibility of the movie, but Eastwood and DiCaprio do a good job of shedding light on a very dark man. 4 cans.
93. Air Force One (1997) – Harrison Ford plays the very brave and resourceful president of the U.S., who is forced to outwit, outplay and outlast the bad guys who take over his plane in this action-adventure. Indiana Jones as president, I guess. Glenn Close plays the VP, manning the Washington contingent and trying to deal with terrorist Gary Oldman as he systematically executes the passengers on the aircraft. Who knew Air Force One was so huge? There are sets of stairs, conference rooms, a huge office and lots of places to run and hide, which helps the president in his retaliation against the terrorists. I’m not a big action fan, but having the action in a confined space that no one else can enter makes this story an intellectual as well as physical fight. I hadn’t seen it since it appeared in the theater 15 years ago, and I’m probably good for another 15 before seeing it again, but as action movies go, this one really takes off. 3½ cans.
93. & 94. Fatal Honeymoon* (2012) and Natalie Holloway* (2009) – I don’t generally watch Lifetime TV’s heroine in distress movies, but I was familiar with both of the cases on which these dramas were based, so I watched them back-to-back one night when nothing else was on. Both are based on stories of attractive young women whose fate is sealed when they find themselves with sociopathic guys who will do them harm and refuse to tell the truth. “Fatal Honeymoon” is the story of Tina Watson, a Southern beauty who falls for Gabe, a manipulative creep whom her father (Harvey Keitel) immediately recognizes as the wrong guy for his precious daughter. Gabe marries her then hauls her off to Australia for their honeymoon so they can scuba dive around the Great Barrier Reef – despite her lack of experience as a diver and her expressed fears. She mysteriously drowns, and there is plenty of evidence that he either disconnected her air supply or, as a certified rescue diver, should have been able to save her. Her father pursues the case vigorously, eager to see his son-in-law of 11 days pay for what he is sure is his daughter’s murder (his motive? Collecting on the life insurance policy her urged her to take out but which she ultimately did not do.). In “Natalie Holloway,” Tracy Pollan delivers a gritty performance as Beth Twitty, the anguished mother of 18-year old Alabama high school graduate Natalie, who goes off with her friends and classmates on a celebratory trip to Aruba, meets Joran Van der Sloot and is never seen again. Desperate to find her, Twitty arrives in Aruba and takes on the lax investigation by garnering as much media attention as possible to force Joran to tell the truth. Neither of the parents in these movies can possibly be satisfied with the outcome of their cases, so there is a strong parallel here. And the lessons learned are that kids who drink can end up as tragedies, and parents who worry too much are probably right. 3 cans a piece.
95. Zorro the Gay Blade* (1991) – Sometimes when someone recommends a movie highly I worry that it cannot possibly live up to the hype and that I will be disappointed. This was definitely not the case in this campy and outrageous version of Zorro, with George Hamilton playing the title role and also playing the hero’s twin brother, “Bunny.” Hamilton is all arched eyebrows and megawatt smiles as he attacks this role with more relish than you can find on all the hotdogs at Nathan’s on July 4th. Whether facing off against his arch enemy, the autocratic altalde (Ron Liebman, delightfully evil) or fending off advances from the altade’s wife (Brenda Vaccarro – remember her?), Hamilton is dashing and dazzling. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Mel Brooks directed this romp, and it is almost on a par with his brand of inspired lunacy. Lauren Hutton chips in to the hilarity as a woman out to do good who falls in love with Hamilton. There are duels galore, lavish sets and costumes and enough of a “pronounced accent” that I might just have to see it again to catch all of the good lines in missed. I urge any of you “pipples” who may have missed this gem to rent it or catch it on TV. 4 cans.

Taking It to the Streets

Has anyone ever been attacked by a gaggle of geese? How about deer? When they are frolicking around and dodging cars, do they ever morph into “Deer Gone Wild?” These are just a few of the questions I ponder as I pound the pavement in and around Hillsborough, NJ, in my new attempt to get healthy and fit. I am Adele, always “Chasing Pavements,” and happy our respective bodies no longer resemble each other.

I’ll admit that my relationship with my new best friend, DVD Walking Queen Leslie Sansone (available through Amazon or wherever exercise DVDs are sold), was short-lived. Though I appreciated her ability to lead me through indoor walking and marching in inclement weather, I found her relentless cheeriness annoying, especially in contrast with the calming introspection I find while taking daily walks.

Mind you, I have lived in my house on Joshua Drive for five years now, and in all that time, I rarely had ventured off my horseshoe-shaped street by foot. Once in the fall my sister got me to walk around the block, but one lap (less than a mile) was about all I could manage.

At one time I was a regular walker, but then my knees began to ache and plantar fasciitis began to plague my feet. I started gaining weight, which only made it more difficult to walk. In 2010, my Achilles was so sore that I ended up in a cast – twice – and occasionally I was forced to rely on a cane. I lost hope of ever being able to approach any degree of fitness.

Now, however, thanks to the combination of aqua aerobics and the fact that I have 75 pounds less to schlep all over town (courtesy of Weight Watchers), my knees feel better, my Achilles doesn’t feel like it is about to snap, and I’m taking it to the streets once more. A while back it dawned on me that my weight loss would not continue merely by cutting back on my food intake and counting my Weight Watchers points, so I had to ramp up the exercise. Aqua aerobics wasn’t enough to cut it, so to speak.

So now I walk. Not with the same fervor as my sister – who I am convinced is going to leave her house one morning at 6 AM and keep walking, until she ends up in Iowa – but I am trying to do it every day. In the sweltering heat, I am out the door by 7 AM. I figure since I can’t sleep anyway, I might as well beat the heat. If I have enough energy and the weather cooperates, I often take a walk in the evening, too.

I have turned into one of the people I used to envy as I drove past them on my way to work. How nice, I thought, to have nothing better to do than take a walk in the morning. When I retire, I’ll do that, I told myself. It only took me 5 years! Now I understand that these people are walking with a purpose, working hard at getting or staying healthy and fit. It is great to get out in the morning, knowing that I’m not late for something or that I have to get work done. Stress eating, anyone? After all, desserts backwards spells stressed.

My ever-encouraging sister has come to walk with me, and I have gone to walk around her neighborhood with her. She was even good enough to drive around my area while I took notes on what roads went where and the mileage from place to place so I wouldn’t either get lost or overextend myself. She has explained to me her theory of “petiquette,” which she has decided is imperative to maintain safe streets (please keep your dogs out of her way and always scoop that poop!).

I am up to 3 miles at a time now, so during the course of a day, I can easily reach 6 miles. Armed with my trusty, official, Weight Watchers pedometer, I try to top 10,000 steps a day. All this from someone who used to drive out of the ShopRite parking lot if I couldn’t find a “good” parking space. Now I don’t care how far away from the store I park. It just adds to my daily step total.

When I am not walking, I spend my time studying Google Maps and Google Earth to plot new routes and discover new paths that don’t appear on the maps. When I drive these same routes, I am astounded that I can walk that far. Me, whose idea of exercise was getting out of the recliner and walking into the kitchen for a snack! Now I am plotting out 4-mile routes and wondering if I am strong enough to go even further.

I relish the peace and quiet of these walking sessions. There’s very little traffic, apart from the main road, so it is calming and safe to walk. I listen to the 5000+ songs on my iPod, really hearing the words for once. Who knew the lyrics to the Crystals’ “He’s a Rebel” were “he’s NOT a rebel,” and not “he’s MY rebel,” which I have been singing for years? I tend to listen to music from the last century – Broadway soundtracks, Kenny Loggins, the Eagles, anything Motown, Billy Joel and Simon & Garfunkel. The other day I heard the Turtles Greatest Hits, and another day it was Blood, Sweat and Tears. I listen to Wilson Pickett sing “Funky Broadway” and it makes me smile. When James Brown proclaims, “I feel good,” I want to dance down the street in agreement.

In the morning, it is me, the squirrels, rabbits and deer on the streets, along with the occasional runner. I marvel at the runners, their smooth, taut bodies gliding along, their feet lightly grazing the sidewalk or road, while I plod along. I notice their defined calf muscles and I am reminded of Leonardo DiVinci’s explanation of his sculptures, which he said he pictured within the blocks of granite with which he worked. I wonder, is there a tight, taut body hidden under my years of accumulated girth? Will I, too, someday be able to run? Is there a sports bra strong and bold enough to take up the challenge?

On the weekends, it is me and the lawn mowers. Now that I am exploring my neighborhood, I check out the neat and tidy lawns and notice which houses have additions and pools. I know which side of the street has the most shade at any given time of day, and I know where I have to avoid the sidewalk and the tree branches that hang too low even for me. I know where the sleeping dogs lie and I am ever so grateful for invisible fences that keep them away from me as I pass. I know to walk west in the morning and east in the evening to avoid the sun in my eyes. If I walk after 7:00 in the evening, I wear sunglasses and take my regular glasses so I can see as it gets darker. If there is even a threat of rain, I carry a small umbrella. I always wear a hat.

I have even ventured to local parks and pathways for a change of scenery and to keep the exercise fresh and interesting. Thanks to a friend from aqua aerobics, I discovered a pond hidden behind the housing development just across the main road. You can’t see it from the street, but you can follow a number of paths that lead to it and walk all the way around it. I can’t wait until fall, when the trees around it turn color and the sunrise/sunset will illuminate their leaves. I’ll be walking with a camera then. Meanwhile, I know to keep my head down and avoid the prodigious amount of poop deposited on the path by the flocks of geese that call the pond home.

One of my friends recently proposed that we walk all the trails listed on the County Park Commission website, and I jumped at the chance to start in the fall, when we can do one lap for exercise and another for me to take pictures. I’ve gone to the Grounds for Sculpture, Duke Farms, the Natirar estate, the tow path along the canal and Colonial Park in Somerset, all great places to take a walk.

I walk slowly, yet I cover nearly three miles in an hour, so I know I am getting faster. I remind myself to walk in my best homo sapien erectus manner and to avoid my usual slouching. I must fill out my full 5’ 1” frame before it gets even shorter.

For a break in the routine, one night I hauled out my bike, which I have used once since I bought it years ago. You know that expression, “It’s like riding a bike?” Well, that didn’t exactly work for me. Going straight was fine, but starting, stopping and steering were more challenging than I remembered, and I never had to tackle any uphill climbs. At least when I fell it was on grass and no one saw me, because I hurt more than my pride. But I was proud of myself for getting up, riding home, and immediately going out for a walk. I think I’ll tackle the exercise bike at the gym. I can’t fall off that – right?

My feet sometimes get blisters and my ankles and Achilles sometimes hurt, but I keep walking. I worry that I have been up and down a few streets so often that the residents must think I am casing the joint. I am sure that by fall I will be ready to take on a 5K walk for some good cause. I know it will be good for me, too. Meanwhile, I’ll just keep walking.

Tina's July Movies

Here are the movies I managed to squeeze in despite being glued to the TV to see the Olympics in July. Numbering picks up from the rest of the year. Movies marked with an * are ones I had not seen previously. All films rated on a scale of 1 (not so good) to 5 (really great) tuna cans.

75. Risky Business (1983) – I ended last month with Tom Cruise in “Rock of Ages” and began this month with Tom Cruise having the time of his life as Joel Goodson in the role that made him a star. Who can ever hear Bob Seeger’s “Old Time Rock & Roll” without thinking of Cruise sliding across that wooden floor in his pink shirt, socks and underwear? Teenaged Joel is a good son, doing his yard work while his parents are away, until, thanks to his friends, he ends up with call girl Lana (Rebecca De Mornay), with his mother’s prized glass egg missing and his father’s Porsche submerged like a U-Boat. Joel ends up establishing a “home-based business” with Lana and her friends to undo the damage. I had a great time watching this movie again and enjoyed all my old favorite lines, like, “I have a trigonometry midterm tomorrow and I’m being chased by Guido the Killer Pimp.” Joe Pantoliano, who plays the wise killer pimp, gives Joel some sage advice: “In times of a sluggish economy, never f*** with another man’s livelihood.” But you know, every now and then you just have to go for it, put on the Ray Bans and say, “What the f***.” 4½ cans.
76. Jones Beach Boys* (2007) – This documentary is a salute to the boys of summer – the lifeguard corps who patrol Jones Beach, New York. Ron Colby, the producer/director/writer of the movie and himself a former Jones Beach lifeguard, returns to the beach to visit his old lifeguard buddies, many of whom have been on the job for 30+ years. Some are teachers or coaches, while others are dentists, doctors, firemen and police officers. All are drawn to the beach and to the camaraderie of people who take pride in their jobs and are thrilled to save lives. When New York State decided in 1971 to terminate any lifeguard over the age of 35, the corps went on strike. When the scabs hired to replace them performed so badly that people drowned, they were rehired. Each year they are required to pass a rigorous test to pass muster. Some of the lifeguards are second generation, and some now are women. The film focuses on the stories of some of the “old” guards in their 50s to 80s and their devotion to their jobs – which, by the way, are much tougher than you might think. I’ve never been to Jones Beach, but it is comforting to know this coterie of lifeguards is dedicated to making sure everyone who does go has a great time and stays safe. 3½ cans.
77. Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011) – It was crazy and stupid and I loved it, even though I saw it last year and knew the plot twists. An appealing cast, led by a schlubby Steve Carell (who plays schlubby with the best of them), a near-perfect Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone and Julianne Moore, who can cry with the best of them. Throw in Marisa Tomei, Kevin Bacon and the kid who plays Carell’s son, add the babysitter and you have the right people in the right parts for a funny and bittersweet story. Gotta love Crazy, Stupid, Love. If you haven’t seen it yet, slap yourself and get on with it. 4½ cans.
78. Joyful Noise* (2012) – Despite my sister’s assurances that “you can’t go wrong with Queen Latifah,” I have to say the queen does not come through royally here. She is promoted to choirmaster of the church when the previous choirmaster (Kris Kristofferson, who was probably grateful for the brevity of his part) dies, over the disappointment of his widow, a nipped and tucked Dolly Parton. The choir is rehearsing to compete in the nationals – shades of “Glee” here, folks – and Latifah’s character and Parton’s character clash over the music and the growing relationship between the former’s daughter (Keke Palmer) and the latter’s bad-boy grandson (Jeremy Jordan). They exchange pithy barbs and Southern platitudes as Latifah, a nurse supporting her two kids, exerts her creative control over the choir and Parton fights back with threats to withdraw her financial support. The little town in Georgia loves the choir, which is good, since it is about the only thing the economically depressed area has going for it. The music is good – everyone gets a solo – and the last performance is enough to make you want to stand up and dance, or cheer – or even sing. I wanted to like this movie so much more (sorry, Nan), but the clichés weighed it down. I will say that Queen Latifah makes a great mother, and there is a scene/stand-off with her daughter that all mothers should take lessons from. But overall, this was more noise than joy. 2½ cans.
79. To Rome With Love* (2012) – This series of stories is Woody Allen-lite, bereft of the sardonic and sharp wit of the Allen of old and rife with an eagerness to entertain that seemed forced. I won’t even try to summarize the plots, but I will admit the performances by stars Alec Baldwin, Judy Davis, Jesse Eisenberg, Ellen Page and especially Robert Begnini were excellent. While I found the movie modestly entertaining, it seemed more like Woody just continuing on his escape from New York to see other cities and make movies while traveling, this time to Rome. I didn’t think much of “Midnight in Paris,” but that seems much better in retrospect compared to this effort. Woody himself plays a role here, and his neuroses have not aged well. 3 cans.
80. Wages of Spin: Payola* (2008) – You might have to be of a certain age to be familiar with Bandstand – not American Bandstand, but its first iteration, Bandstand – the Philadelphia-based music show which started in 1952 on the radio and eventually landed on ABC-TV. By the time Dick Clark took over the show in 1956, it was well-established and popular, and the boyish Clark only enhanced its popularity. However, Clark, an astute businessman, added to his haul as host money by venturing into music publishing, artist management and even manufacturing records. This nostalgic look at the thriving Philadelphia independent-record scene indicts Clark for making backroom deals – some of which were not illegal at the time – and for profiting by playing and promoting records that he either owned publishing rights to or by artists he worked with. Ultimately, Clark testified before Congress on the payola scandal and denied any wrong-doing. This documentary leads the viewer to conclude otherwise. It is hardly an objective look at the industry, and, while Clark certainly seems complicit, you have to admire his business acumen. He was never indicted or convicted of anything, and let’s give him credit (although the movie does not) for introducing America to many Black artists who had no forum for their talents. I give it a 75 – the beat was very repetitive. 3 cans.
81. Standing in the Shadows of Motown (2002) – If you were a teenager in the 60s, chances are that Motown was the soundtrack of your youth. And while you were well acquainted with Smokey and Stevie and Martha and the Vandellas, you probably didn’t know much about the Funk Brothers, the studio musicians who laid down the grooves that made Motown Hitsville USA. An eclectic collection of mostly jazz musicians, the Funk Brothers played keyboard, drums, bass, guitar, tambourine – you name it – as studio musicians and made up the bands that toured with Marvin Gaye, the Supremes and countless other acts. They brought their special creativity and are as responsible for the Motown sound as Berry Gordy, Smokey Robinson and the songwriters. This documentary pays tribute to the largely unknown Funk Brothers, a tight band of brothers whose soul music defined a generation. The documentary also features Chaka Kahn, Joan Osborne, Gerald Levert and Ben Harper recreating the Motown classics, accompanied by the remaining Funk Brothers. How sweet it is. 3½ cans.
82. For Your Consideration* (2006) – This Christopher Guest-Eugene Levy satire skewers Hollywood and the gossip surrounding the making of a small (and incredibly bad) movie called “Home for Purim.” The usual Guest-Levy troop shows up to play the leads in the movie, has-been actors, gossip columnists, TV “reporters,” PR people, etc., and includes the reliable Catherine O’Hara, Harry Shearer, Michael McKean, Fred Willard – along with Guest and Levy. I liked this picture better than “Best in Show” and “A Mighty Wind.” The scenes from the movie, focusing on a Southern Jewish family celebrating Purim, were priceless, as the “actors” pronounced “mitzvah” and “oy vey” with Southern drawls, all while succumbing to rumors about possible Oscar nominations for the cast. Clever, witty and fun. 3 cans.
83. Dirty Dancing (1987) – Has it really been 25 years since the late Patrick Swayze dirty danced his way into our hearts? Here he is Johnny Castle, a dance instructor at Kellerman’s Catskills Resort, when he meets Baby Houseman (Jennifer Grey), the do-good daughter of a doctor (Jerry Orbach) who is vacationing with her family. When she fills in for his dance partner (Cynthia Rhodes), she learns more than the mambo from Johnny, who, despite his bad-boy swagger, is really a good guy at heart. And oh, how he could dance. I had the time of my life watching this movie again, and I even viewed the last dance scene twice. 4 cans.
84. Blazing Saddles (1974) – This Mel Brooks classic is on the top of my favorite movie comedies of all-time, right up there with “Animal House.” When I think of Mel Brooks, all I can say is “inspired lunacy.” Stars include Cleavon Little, Gene Wilder, Harvey (“that’s Hedly, Hedly Lamar”) Korman, and the wonderful Madeline Kahn as a Marlena Dietrich-like character. Whenever I am tired, I always break out into her song: “I’m tired, tired of being admired…Let’s face it, I’m pooped”). I laugh so much watching this movie that it is hard to hear every line, but by now I know them all and I watch anyway. 5 cans of beans and a campfire.
84. Animal House (1978) – Faber College, 1962. The delightfully devilish deeds of the deeply demented Deltas are on full display in this collegial comedy brought to you by the lunatics from the Lampoon. If you went to college or even lived near one in the 1960s and 1970s, you probably went to some fraternity parties like the ones depicted here. John Belushi, in his first and best movie role, shines as perennial student Bluto (“seven years of college down the drain”), given to starting food fights and peering into rooms at the sorority house. Tim Matheson (“Eric Stratton, rush chairman, damn glad to meet you”) never looked better. Throw in Kevin Bacon as a pledge for the clean-cut rival Omega fraternity, Peter Reigert (Boone), Karen Allen (Katie), Bruce McGill (D-Day), and pledges Pinto (Tom Hulce) and legacy Flounder (Kent Dorfman, played by Stephen Furst) and you have a bunch of actors who looked like they were enjoying every mapcap moment. I know every line in this movie, which, along with the aforementioned “Blazing Saddles,” shares top billing on my list of all-time favorite comedies. Knowledge is good. Comedy is fun. 5 cans.
85. Edison the Man* (1940) – Spencer Tracy lights up this portrait of eccentric inventor Thomas Edison, whose desire to invent the incandescent bulb burns brightly throughout the movie (Spoiler alert: He succeeds). Truth be told, I have had a “thing” for Edison since my 5th grade class took a trip to his lab in West Orange. I have always admired his ingenuity and am a big fan – like most of us – of his inventions. After all, if it weren’t for his inventing motion pictures, how could I see so many movies or write this blog? I remember seeing the sequel or prequel to this movie, the “Young Tom Edison” film starring young Mickey Rooney, but this one was new to me. As a film I’ll give it just 2 ½ cans, but as an inventor, Mr. Edison rates 5.
86. Terms of Endearment (1983) – James L. Brooks’ first big film explores the relationship between an overbearing, difficult mother Aurora Greenaway (Shirley MacLaine) and her underachieving and disappointing daughter Emma (Debra Winger) with humor and pathos. Clearly, they love each other, but they find it difficult just to get along. This movies is about love in its many forms – between parents and their children, married couples, unmarried couples, friends, would-be suitors – as depicted by Jack Nicholson and his killer smile as the astronaut next door who has a brief relationship with Aurora, Jeff Daniels as Emma’s husband, Flap, and Lisa Hart Carroll as Winger’s best friend. This funny and moving movie is in my top 5 of all time, and it was one of the movies my mother loved as well (we saw it together). MacLaine is outstanding and Winger completely believable in their love-tolerate relationship. As always, I found it endearing and heart-wrenching. 5 cans, and 5 tissues, too.
87. Marty (1955) – The recently deceased Ernest Borgnine won the Oscar for his portrayal of lonely butcher Marty in this poignant movie. Everybody’s got a beef with Marty – his customers and his mother tell him he should ashamed that at 34 he isn’t married yet, while all his kid brothers and sisters are married. His best friend just wants to find something to do, and no one thinks the nice girl he meets at a dance is good-looking enough. But Marty likes her, and they talk long into the evening on the night they meet. Marty is a good guy, living with his mother, listening to his buddies and hard-pressed to imagine himself actually happy. Borgnine brings pathos to his role and is matched by Betsy Blair as Clara, the nice girl he meets. This movie is considered a classic – it won the Oscar for Best Picture, Best Screenplay and Best Director – and if you haven’t seen it, you should. Marty may seem like a loser, but the movie is a winner. 4 cans.
88. About Face: Supermodels Then and Now* (2012) – This HBO documentary is a series of interviews with well-known supermodels, most of whom are still working in fashion. Ranging in age from their 40s to one in her 80s, these still stunning women talk about the trials and tribulations of making a living off your looks. They include Beverly Johnson, Carol Alt, Paulina Porizkova, Christy Brinkley, Jerry Hall, Christy Turlington, Cheryl Tiegs and Marisa Berenson. The stories they share shed new light on the life of a supermodel, rife with eating issues, dips in self-confidence and self-esteem and legitimate concerns about longevity and cosmetic surgery. The oddest part is Isabella Rossellini, who appears dressed in a man’s suit and tie and looks strangely like Peter Campbell on “Mad Men.” 3 cans.