Simone Biles recently won an ESPY Award for her remarkable gymnastics championship performance. She is truly an amazing athlete. Meanwhile, I pulled a muscle in my leg while turning over in bed. Otherwise, we have so much in common.
A friend showed me the special meditation chair she has in her house where she sits daily to mediate. I couldn’t help but think that in this house, I should have a special medication chair where I could go and take all of my daily meds.
Remember when you used to buy a package of hotdogs and a package of rolls and there were eight of each in the packages and you were all set? Then the hotdog makers decided to keep the package size the same but only put seven hotdogs in the package – as if we wouldn’t notice – and not drop the price. And you got stuck with that one extra roll that you didn’t know what to do with. Well, I bought my first package of hotdogs in more than a year and now the package is down to six – even though it appears to be the same size as the original eight, and so now there are two extra rolls which will end up in the freezer, I guess. What’s next? A single hotdog in a giant package? In the words of The Who, “Won’t Get Fooled Again.”
I watched the Nathan’s Hotdog eating contest from Coney Island on July 4 and was shocked to see that the eventual winner downed 46 dogs in the same time it took me to eat one half of my Bumble Bee Tuna sandwich! These people don’t eat – they devour. And they soak the buns to make them go down faster. It is actually disgusting, yet somehow compelling, to watch on TV.
Finally! After 2 years, one shoulder surgery, tons of physical therapy and a global pandemic, on July 5 I returned to my aqua aerobics class and played aqua volleyball in the pool. The class was aqua Zumba, which isn't quite the "Zooming" I have been doing online, and I won't be invited to compete on “Dancing with the Stars,” but I'm BACK!
Every summer, Sirius Radio replaces Channel 70 – The Love Station – with “Yacht Rock Radio.” I don’t know what Yacht Rock Radio is supposed to mean, but it seems to be a compilation of every song by Christopher Cross, Orleans, and England Dan & John Ford Coley. I promise you won’t find a single tune from The Temptations, Bruno Mars or any artist with the word “Lil” in his name. Why don’t they just call it “Bland White Radio?”
I have often wondered how companies make those teeny, tiny pretzels that you get on an airplane. They are so small they make mini-pretzels look big by comparison. Not only are they small (about the size of my thumbnail), but there are so few in the package! You would have to eat 20 packs to feel any degree of satiation. Not that you would want to eat that many of the tiny treats.
Under the category of “I can’t help myself,” I felt obliged to point out to the waitress that chocolate was misspelled on the menu (it appeared as “chocholate”). If I really wanted to be a pain in the butt, I would have mentioned that olive oil is not spelled “loive” oil. I restrained myself once, but I had to say something about chocolate. I’m only so strong.
Speaking of chocolate, you all know that I am retired and have no interest in getting a job. But I have to admit that when LinkedIn alerted me to a position as Global Communications Director for Godiva Chocolatiers, I had to look twice. They could just pay me in chocolate!
And finally on the chocolate front, the news is out that Oreos will now come in two new flavors – in case I wasn’t already tempted by the myriad of varieties already available. The new Oreos are apple cider donut and salted caramel brownie, so not strictly chocolate.
I saw an ad from Kohl’s that said, “Baby sale,” and I wondered how much they cost and what the return policy was.
I recently had to book a room in a hotel. Their phone message tries to convince you to do your own reservation online because all of their “reservationists” are busy helping other customers. “Reservationists?” That’s a new one on me!
Here’s a thing I didn’t know: Apparently many people (especially millennials) do not use a top sheet, and they are adamant about it. I, on the other hand, can’t sleep unless my lower extremities are covered, and a blanket or duvet might be too heavy. So, to me, the top sheet comes in handy. Damn millennials think they know everything!
I recently treated myself to a 3-inch foam mattress topper by TemperPedic. I was told that you just sink into it and that I would certainly get a better night’s sleep this way. Sink is the appropriate word. It is like sleeping in quicksand. I can barely turn over, because once you “sink” and it conforms to your body shape, it doesn’t want to let you go. If I ever go back to using the weighted blanket with this thing, someone will have to send the EMTs into the house with the jaws of life to get me out of bed! Stay tuned for whether or not I am sleeping better. It is too soon to tell.
This might not be at the top of the list of great inventions of the last century, but I have to offer kudos to the inventor of the curved shower rod. The curtain stays comfortably away from your body while you are in the shower instead of creeping in on you. Why didn’t anyone think of that sooner?
I’m looking forward to the day when no one compliments me on my attractive mask.
My last house was on Joshua Drive, and it seemed that every time I was asked for my address, I was also asked to spell it. Now I am on Constitution Way, and, surprisingly, no one ever asks how to spell Constitution. Isn’t that harder to spell than Joshua?
I would not want to be a doctor because I would not want to have to sit on a little stool on wheels all day to do my job.
I just had to load staples in my stapler for the first time in years. I had to marvel at the efficient design of the box in which they are stored. It is simple cardboard and holds 5,000 staples. At the rate at which I go through staples, that quantity will last far beyond my lifetime. I had better call my attorney and put my stash of staples in my will!
If you know anything about the TV series “Dateline,” you know that all of the episodes involve a crime – generally, a murder. There is usually an obvious suspect and if it looks like the perpetrator will be arrested and convicted but there are still 30 minutes left in the show, expect some twists and turns. Someone will plead not guilty and concoct an amazingly creative tall tale about how he or she didn’t do it, couldn’t have done it or wasn’t even in the state at the time. My sister and I watch entirely too many of these programs, so when she mentioned she had seen a really good one, I asked her what it was about. “Well,” she said, trying to remember the story, “there was a murder.” Really? That doesn’t exactly narrow it down, but chances are that I’ve seen that one before!
Don’t you hate it when your favorite store is completely rearranged? We get so used to finding the breadcrumbs or gardening tools or electronics in specific places in stores we use frequently. Then one day, the section with junior sized clothes is where the men’s department used to be or shovels are where there used to be laundry supplies. I’m going to need a map!
I think pistachio ice cream is deliberately disguised as chocolate chip
mint to fool me into buying it. The cartons look eerily similar in the
ice cream case. Not that I have tried it, but I resent the pistachio
variety being right out front looking very similar to the chocolate chip
mint, trying to fool the ice cream-buying public. Or is it just me?
Does anyone intentionally buy Neapolitan ice cream? Do you really want chocolate, vanilla and strawberry? Why – you can’t make up your mind? Personally, I always considered the pink stripe to be some sort of punishment. I’d always stick to chocolate, though I can accept vanilla, but all three? Let make up our minds, shall we?
As I start to resume normal activities following the pandemic quarantine, I notice the measures some businesses took to minimize the spread of the virus. I give them credit for trying, although I don’t know whether a single piece of plexiglass in front of the face of the person checking me in for my doctor’s appointment would serve as a real barrier. And the nail salon gets credit for a valiant try, but I doubt that installing those cheap paper shades (like the ones I had in the windows of my house until my custom shades were installed) in between pedicure stations served as any kind of barrier since they were small and flimsy. Hopefully, we will be done with needing these kinds of precautions and they can be removed permanently soon. As for me, I’m still wearing a mask in most places (except for restaurants) and I don’t mind since my trips are not usually all-day affairs.
