12 Step Program

With apologies to my BFFs, there is a new girl in town. We met through mutual friends several months back, and although we haven't gotten together much since then, I have a feeling she will be an important part of my life.

The new girl has plenty of friends herself, and, like her, they are relentlessly cheery and ready to smile and have a good time. They travel in a pack – I doubt she goes anywhere alone – and they are there to cheer each other on. You can tell immediately upon meeting her that she is the leader of this pack. She is willing to drop by whenever I want to see her, requiring no notice, and she'll leave just as readily.

It took me a long time to have her over. Oh, she was here, but I wouldn't speak to her. I kept putting her off, claiming I had other (better, more important) things to do. Even if I didn't.

Finally, I decided it was time to get better acquainted. I invited Leslie Sansone into my family room, removed her DVD from her package, and sat down, exhausted at the prospect of keeping up with her and her gang of fitness freaks.

Leslie Sansone is the Queen of Walking DVDs. The one I bought, after being introduced to her at a walking class after Weight Watchers, is called "Walk Slim." You'll notice that these are both four-letter words. The subtitle is "5 Really Big Miles." Well, I thought, a mile is still a mile, so how big can it get? I’d soon find out.

Working out with Leslie isn't for the faint of heart. She cajoles you into walking, walking, walking. I was exhausted during the five-minute warm-up, when the most vigorous thing we did besides marching was to take sidesteps. By the time we launched into mile 1, I was considering switching to the PBS exercise program for seniors, "Sit and Be Fit," which seemed more my speed. But I persisted through kicks, high knees, double "tap outs" and even an occasional grapevine. Anything that involved moving my arms in conjunction with my legs presented a new challenge. Clearly, coordination is not my strong suit. Then, as an added challenge, we moved into exercises using a stretchy band of rubber that came with the DVD. OK, now I was really challenged. I have new respect for anyone who can do Zumba classes, since I was about as graceful as C.C. Sabathia in a ballet class with my legs moving side to side and the band stretching diagonally, trying not to trip or do other bodily harm.

All the while you follow Leslie, she makes you walk. In between sidesteps and grapevines, you walk. And then you march. And then you walk some more. For someone who expects to receive the Congressional Medal of Honor for plugging in the iPod and venturing outside for a 45-minute walk around the neighborhood, this seems in theory to be easy but in practice is – how can I put this? – torture! My thighs were burning, my knees were tingling, and my core, which was supposed to be tightening up, was just missing in action.

My sister Nancy has known Leslie for years. In fact, they get together nearly every morning. Though Nancy likes to walk outside, she and Leslie keep in close contact all winter, and they spend a lot of time together throughout the year. By this time, she knows all of Leslie’s moves, so she listens to her own music and ignores Leslie’s audio, just following her by watching the exercises. If you saw my sister, you’d know this technique works for her.

Mind you, Leslie is hardly the only game in town. There are DVDs on Zumba, countless other fitness videos from countless other experts, and programs with provocative (and, frankly, scary) names like “Killer Thighs,” “Buns of Steel,” etc. Compared to these, the rather amiable title of Leslie’s “Walk Slim” seems pretty friendly to me.

So why put myself through this routine? Having lost 60+ pounds on Weight Watchers, I realize that diet alone isn’t going to help me continue to lose weight and improve my health. I need to do more than bob around in the pool with my aqua aerobics pals a couple of times a week. Let’s face it, 60 pounds ago, I wouldn’t have had the strength to open Leslie’s DVD (step 1 in my 12-step program), but now I have the energy to do so much more that it is time to step it up, so to speak.

As for me, I’d like to see pictures of Leslie and her gang BEFORE they started this 12-step program. Did they look like me? Is how they look now how I will look if I continue to invite Leslie into my home and follow her around the family room? I don't know but I better keep walking. So far, I have only conquered miles one and two of the 5 really big miles. Already my pants feel bigger – though I realize that that might just be wishful thinking. Will Leslie come back and try to push me further? Will I let her in or put her DVD in the closet with the collection of others I don't watch?

Stay tuned. Or toned. I’m only up to step 2.

Tina's March 2012 Movies

To new readers, numbering for this month's movies picks up from February. Movies marked by an asterisk (*) are ones I had not seen previously. Movies are rated on a scale of 1 (the worst) to 5 (the best) cans of tuna fish. Don't ask.

22. Something’s Got to Give (2003) – You have to hand it to Jack Nicholson. In this comedy he portrays 63-year old lothario Harry Sanborn, a resolute bachelor with a predilection for dating young women. But when he has a heart attack at the house of the young woman of the moment (Amanda Peet), he is confined to bed and cared for by her playwright mother (Diane Keaton), a divorcee who is happy to stay uninvolved. Suddenly she is pursued by Harry’s young doctor (Keanu Reeves), and, once Harry and her daughter break up, by Harry himself. Is he at long last ready for a more mature relationship? Nicholson – overweight, thinning hair and all – could care less how he looks. While the wattage of the killer smile may have dimmed, he still displays his unmistakable charm. Keaton is great as the playwright who turns their relationship into a Broadway hit. 4 cans.

23. Midnight in Paris* (2011) Woody Allen forsakes his New York home base and playing the main character to write and direct this comedy that takes place in Paris, mostly after midnight. Owen Wilson plays what would have been the Woody Allen part of a Hollywood writer attempting to find inspiration for his novel in the streets of Paris while visiting with his fiancé (Rachel McAdams) and her parents. Walking the streets alone as the clock strikes midnight, he is transported magically back to the gay Paris of the 1920s, where he gets to meet Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, Cole Porter, Pablo Picasso and his muse. The more he goes back in time and relishes the rich cultural world of that era, the less he wants to be in the present. Allen won the Oscar for his screenplay, which is a combination of comedy and fantasy. Though Wilson plays the lead, I could almost hear Allen’s signature whine in the lines. 3½ cans.

24. As Good As It Gets (1997) – Jack Nicholson Week at the Gordon Movie Theater continues with this James L. Books comedy. Nicholson is Melvin, an irascible, OCD man living alone in a New York apartment with his idiosyncrasies, such as using fresh bars of soap every time he washes his hands – which is constantly. His neighbor, a gay artist named Simon (Greg Kinnear), falls victim to a violent crime and Melvin uncharacteristically agrees to care for Simon’s dog. The only human Melvin can tolerate is Carol (Helen Hunt), the waitress who gets stuck with him at the local restaurant, where he brings his own plastic utensils. Between falling for the dog and seeing the human side of Carol, the prejudiced and barbed-tongued Melvin becomes much more human himself. Good story, well done, if borderline annoying because of the main character. 4 cans.

25. The Candidate (1972) – With election season looming large, I thought this would be a good time to reexamine this look at American politics, where image is everything. Robert Redford is Bill McKay, an idealistic and photogenic lawyer who is the activist son of a former California governor. He is coaxed into running against the hackneyed incumbent (Don Porter) by his new handlers (Peter Boyle and Allen Garfield) and told that he can say and do whatever he wants. McKay enters the political fray full of naïveté and good intentions. Looks matter in this contest, and McKay quickly wins over the public despite his own skepticism about what he has to do to win the election. His sincerity is quickly replaced by platitudes and his good intentions are compromised to win. This movie shows the fervor and chaos of a campaign and the compromises it takes to run one successfully. I vote yes. 4 cans.

26. Only the Lonely (1991) – This sweet and sad romantic comedy is almost like a modern day (if you can consider 21 years ago modern now) “Marty.” Lonely Chicago cop Dan (John Candy) lives with his disapproving mother (a still beautiful Maureen O’Hara) – she disapproves of everything, not just him – for whom he feels obligated to care. Complications ensue when he begins dating plain and equally lonely Theresa (Ally Sheedy). Will the Irishman Dan cut the apron strings to marry the Sicilian mortuary make-up artist or will he listen to his mother? John Candy projects warmth and desperation in his role, surpassed only by Maureen O’Hara as the mother from Hell. 3½ cans.

27. Tower Heist* (2011) – Ben Stiller and Eddy Murphy star in this clever comedy crime caper about a businessman (Alan Alda) who swindles his clients (a la Bernie Madoff), among whom are the staff of the luxury apartment building where he lives comfortably in the penthouse. Stiller wants to recoup their losses, so he hires Murphy, a con man he knows from his Astoria neighborhood, to help him and his fellow victims find money he is sure is stashed in the penthouse. We get to see flashes of the “Trading Places” and “Beverly Hills Cop” Murphy characters – street smart, snide and funny – but not nearly enough. The revenge of the staff is clever, albeit implausible, but entertaining nonetheless. This makes me yearn for THAT Eddie Murphy, and makes me wish he had a movie to carry that is as good as either of those earlier films. 3½ cans.

28. The Social Network (2010) – Writer Aaron Sorkin takes an interesting approach to this movie about the founding of on-line giant Facebook, which was started by Harvard student Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse E). The story centers around lawsuits against Zuckerberg brought by his former partner Eduardo (Andrew Garfield) and by the impossibly handsome and tall Van Winklevoss twins (remarkably played by a sole actor, Armie Hammer), all fellow Harvard students. In flashbacks, he see Zuckerberg start by creating a dating website to check out hot girls. But, after he is recruited by the twins to program their social network site, the Harvard Connection, he is “inspired” to create Facebook. He ends up cheating his partner out of millions and denouncing the intellectual property theft claims of the twins when clearly he has committed both in his quest to build and spread Facebook around the work. This movie says a lot about how young people eschew their own privacy to live their lives on-line while also illustrating the lack of fairness and justice that pervade society. The irony here is that Zuckerberg, a man with few friends, ends up running a website dependent on them for everyone else. I found this movie to be engrossing even after having seen it in 2010. 4 cans.

29. The Announcement* (2012) – This documentary is the latest in ESPN’s terrific series on all aspects of sports. This time, the topic is Magic Johnson, who, in 1991, announced to a stunned world that he was HIV positive and would retire from his career as basketball’s premiere star. Gifted with dazzling moves and prodigious athleticism, Earvin Johnson earned his Magic moniker in grade school. His Michigan State team won the National Championship against Larry Bird’s Indiana State team in 1979. His “Showtime” Lakers won five NBA Championships, led by the ever-smiling man who personified teamwork. Just as the HIV-AIDS crisis was beginning to get widespread public attention, Magic found out that he was HIV positive. After recovering from the initial shock, he retired immediately and decided to become the face of HIV, working to educate people about how to avoid risky behaviors and show that an HIV diagnosis does not have to be a death sentence. 21 years later, Earvin Johnson is still Magic. 4 cans.

30. From the Terrace (1960) – Somehow, this melodrama seemed much more corny this time around. Paul Newman is Alfred Eaton, the son of a wealthy father and an alcoholic mother. In 1946 he returns home from the war determined to make it on his own. He meets and marries Joanne Woodward (his real-life wife), who here plays the daughter of an even wealthier man. When an unexpected break lands him a job at a prestigious Wall Street firm, he is forced to work virtually non-stop while his wife carries on with her society friends and former boyfriend. Alfred seems perpetually unhappy until he is sent on assignment to Pennsylvania, where he meets the daughter of a prospective client and they fall instantly in love. Melodrama being what it is, complications – like his marriage – ensue. Will he dump his cheating wife and pursue the girl of his dreams, giving up his lucrative career at the conservative firm? Why would anyone cheat on Paul Newman is the better question. His blue eyes have never been bluer, while Joanne has what looks like gray hair in her 30s and eyebrows that look painted on with a roller. If she doesn’t want him, I’ll take him. 3½ cans.

31. Game Change* (2012) – If you thought former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was an inexperienced politician who was in over her head when she ran for vice president in 2008, you will probably like this HBO dramatization. However, if you thought Sarah Palin brought a fresh face and renewed energy to the campaign, you will probably resent her portrayal as inept and stubborn. I’ll keep above the political fray and just say that this is Juliana Moore’s “Iron Lady,” with kudos to the hair and make-up people. But the real star of the show is Woody Harrelson as Steve Schmidt, campaign advisor, who suffers through falling for the new candidate and then realizing he and the Republican political brain trust were not as smart as they thought in finding and, more importantly, vetting Palin before endorsing her as John McCain’s running mate. Interesting take on the situation, but it probably will not win any votes from Republicans. 4 cans from me.

32. Cast Away (2000) – Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) is an executive with Federal Express, living in Memphis with the love of his life, Kelly (Helen Hunt), until he moves to a deserted island and makes friends with a volleyball named Wilson. OK, there’s a somewhat more complex story here, as Chuck’s FedEx plane crashes and he is literally stranded on the island for 4 years. Aside from the obvious and extensive product placement, this is a truly remarkable movie. It demonstrates man’s ingenuity, determination and resolve, as Chuck will only survive if he can figure out such basic activities as making fire, finding food and water, and living completely and totally on his own. The scenes with Wilson the volleyball become all the more touching because of his loneliness. Hanks – nominated for an Oscar for this role and every bit as good here as he was in “Big,” “Philadelphia” “Forrest Gump” and “Apollo 13” – is everyman, faced with an extraordinary challenge and a will to survive. Considering the lack of dialog (aside from conversations with Wilson throughout the deserted island time), this movie absolutely holds your attention. Even Hanks’ body language – by the end of his time on the island, he haunches in a way that reminds you of images of prehistoric men – is compelling to watch. If you have been on a deserted island and have somehow managed to miss this movie, get thee to a Redbox or order it On Demand and spend some quality time with Tom and Wilson. 4½ cans.

33. Postcards from the Edge (1990) – Some 21 years before she became Margaret Thatcher, Marvelous Meryl Streep portrayed a drugged out actress in this movie written by caustic Carrie Fisher. Laced with Fisher’s acerbic wit and based on her real life with her mother, Debbie Reynolds – here played by the mother of all mothers, Shirley MacLaine – the movie puts the fun in dysfunctional in the relationship between the guilt-wielding mother and the world-weary daughter. As the movie starts, Streep’s actress is blowing her lines and consuming enough drugs to warrant getting her stomach pumped (after she is literally dropped off at the ER by Dennis Quaid). With her behavior making her uninsurable for producers, she is forced to live with her mother so she can work. Mom is overbearing, opinionated and full of suggestions – and vodka. The two women have to figure out a way to survive their vices and each other. Streep and MacLaine are pros in these roles, and Meryl reveals yet another talent by belting out two songs. In the hands of anyone other than Fisher, director Mike Nichols, Streep and MacLaine, this would probably not be nearly as good as it is. 4 cans.

34. Hope Floats (1997) – This is a movie I wish were better because of Sandra Bullock’s performance. While she may not be Meryl Streep, Sandra Bullock always seems to me to be the most unpretentious of actresses. She doesn’t seem to mind looking bad on camera when it is appropriate to the role, and here she definitely doesn’t look her best. She plays Birdee Calvert, a woman who finds out on national television that her husband is having an affair with her best friend. She hightails it back to Momma’s house (Gena Rowlands) in Texas with daughter Bernice. Waiting for her is Justin (a manly looking Harry Connick, Jr.), who appears to have waited for her all his life. It seems too neat a package to me. Just dumped, and a hunk waiting to help her start life anew? Only in the movies, I guess. But Bullock is her winsome self, so I’ll give the movie a bit more of a rating because of her appeal. 3½ cans.

35. Moonstruck (1987) – Every time I see this movie I fall in love with it all over again. Cher won an Oscar for playing Loretta Castorini, a dull, drab woman who lives at home with her parents (Vincent Gardenia and Olympia Dukakis). In the course of three days, Loretta gets engaged to a man she doesn’t love (Danny Aiello), falls in love with his brother (Nicholas Cage) and goes to her first opera. If you don’t like this movie, you will drop dead and she will go to your funeral wearing a red dress. Luckily for me, I love this movie. It is witty and charming and full of moonlight and madness. 4½ cans.

36. Remember the Day (1941) – For some reason, the name of this movie has stuck with me over the last 40+ years since I first saw it and loved it. Seeing it again, I can only picture a young, immature girl who was swept up in the heartwarming drama about a school teacher (Claudette Colbert) beloved by her students who falls for the handsome gym teacher (John Payne). Now I look at this movie with the filter of a mature (ahem) woman who sees the schoolboy with the crush on the teacher and think “Mary Kay LeTourneau.” What was once sweet has become potentially revolting, though the innocence of this movie would never take it in that direction. Such is the society in which we now live, that where I once saw charm I now see cheese and sleaze. I wish I liked it more, because I sure waited long enough for a second viewing. 2½ cans.

37. Cedar Rapids* (2011) – What happens in Cedar Rapids stays in Cedar Rapids, except for the drinking and general debauchery encountered by straight-laced Wisconsin insurance man Tim Lippe (Ed Helms). Repping his agency at the big convention, Lippe ends up rooming with Dean (John C. Reilly), his complete opposite, and falling for another agent (Anne Heche). A few drinks, drugs and misadventures later, Tim is no longer the uptight guy who wears a money belt under his shirt and has never flown before, because he is flying high and bribing the pious President to give his agency the prestigious 2 diamond award. This is a silly movie that stars Helms, whose work I am familiar with only through “The Hangover,” and this movie shares some of the latter’s less desirable characteristics. There is a happy ending, however, and it was mercifully short. 2½ cans.

38. Easy Money (1983) – Since I (sadly) did not win the lottery, and since we are on a roll with debauchery today, I decided to immerse myself in this Rodney Dangerfield comedy. Rodney is all twitchy and bug-eyed as Monty Cappaletti, a baby photographer who indulges his taste for smoking, drinking, gambling and ogling women. His wife is the daughter of a very rich and snobby department store owner whose sudden death means a large inheritance – if Monty can lose weight and drop his bad habits for a year. Hanging out with best buddy Nicky (Joe Pesci) doesn’t help, but Monty gives it his best shot. The movie’s narrative is, shall we say, casual at best, but the scenes of his daughter’s wedding reception in his tiny, fenced Staten Island backyard and watching Dangerfield and Pesci transporting the wedding cake (which they have wedged against the toilet in Nicky the Plumber’s van) are priceless. Like all Rodney Dangerfield films, this one has no redeeming social value beyond making me laugh out loud. 3½ cans.

39. Around the World in 80 Days* (1954) – Author Jules Verne had a big imagination. Producer Mike Todd had a big budget. And actor David Niven had a big top hat. Niven plays Phineaus Fogg, a rich Brit who bets his snooty buddies that he can go around the world in 80 days, an impossible task in the pre-1900 timeframe. Accompanied by his valet (Cantinflas, and whatever happened to him after this movie?), he sets out by balloon, boat, train and every existing transportation device (after all, this was before the turn of the LAST century) to accomplish that lofty goal. Along the way, he rescues a princess in India (Shirley MacLaine), encounters attacking native Americans in the West, stalled trains and an inspector who is sure he robbed a bank. This movie is part spectacle, part fun, and packed with cameos by everyone from Noel Coward and Buster Keaton to Frank Sinatra. Even I couldn’t keep up. All I knew about this movie was that my mother loved the theme song, “Around the World.” As for the movie, well, it was a way to while away time on a rainy day. 3 cans.