Friday, January 15, 2021

Happy Not-So-New Year

I nominate “You’re on mute” as the phrase of the year for 2020-2021.

I guess Marie Osmond is the new Ed McMahon because I have seen her all over TV pushing the Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes. I didn’t think people were still buying magazines – but, as we know, no purchase is necessary to enter.

Speaking of magazines, it is strange to be in a waiting room in a doctor’s office these days and see there are NO magazines. Not that I would want to touch one that someone else may have contaminated, but it just seems odd. Instead, the few people waiting are captively watching the NJ News Network, which is so bad that making people watch it may violate the Geneva Convention rules of torture.

So, what do we think of Ken Jennings as the guest host of Jeopardy? Anyone who attempts to succeed the late Alex Trebek has mighty big shoes to fill, but I think Ken is doing a stellar job. Future guest hosts announced so far are Mayim Bialik (formerly of “The Big Bang Theory”) and newscaster Katie Couric. And quarterback Aaron Rodgers, once the winner of Celebrity Jeopardy, gets a chance to see if he can come up with the win, too.

Why do I always sneeze twice? Why do we sneeze at all, for that matter?

With great guilt, I approached the checkout line in CVS to pick up my prescription and pay for my vitamins and the two bags of Dove chocolates in my hand. The woman ahead of me on the line commended me for being prepared for the impending snowstorm by having chocolate in the house. That’s one way of looking at it, I guess, although I’m pretty sure my doctor would disagree.

I received five pairs of beautiful socks for Hanukkah from a dear friend. They are so gorgeous that I think I'll do all of my Zoom calls with my feet on my desk from now on to show them off.

I am 70 years old and I have favorite socks. I’m pretty sure that is NOT normal.

Shopping for produce takes so much longer now because I can’t get those thin plastic produce bags open. More than once I wanted to just put down the zucchini and walk away!

Somebody here left a tissue in a pants pocket that went into the washing machine and got all over the other laundry. I’m not pointing any fingers, but I do live alone…

While terrorists were taking over the US Capitol in an appalling assault on democracy, I was registering for the vaccine. I’m in group 1c, eagerly awaiting my turn.

Someone suggested that Amazon take over vaccine distributions. Just train the drivers to give the shots and they can get it all done in two days – if you have Prime – or within a week for all the others.

One of the reasons I don’t have pets is that I don’t think I could pick out a name. I don’t have kids, either, and the same issue would apply.

It wouldn’t be January without the annual Can-Can sale at ShopRite. Some friends pointed out that this is a great time to snag some real bargains and donate to the Food Bank. I was shocked at how much food I got for the money I spent and saved ($50 on a $100 order). I usually just make a monetary donation, but it made me feel good to drop off bags of food, plus toothpaste, toothbrushes and other non-food items.

I never wanted to work in a warehouse, but now it seems like I do, managing all of my shipments and returns from Amazon. There’s a new Amazon facility that recently opened just a few miles from my house. Now I feel qualified to apply for a job there, since I handle so many orders here at home!

Everybody needs a good, sharp utility knife. With all of the Amazon packages finding their way to the house, there’s much more recycling to do these days. Please don’t tell me that you use scissors or the edge of a screwdriver to open the packages!  A good utility knife is life-changing: When I moved in 2007, I ended up with carpal tunnel syndrome from ripping up boxes without the aid of a good knife. I wore wrist braces to sleep for years and vowed never to move again (OK, that’s another vow broken) – or at least without the proper equipment! No such problem in 2015 when I moved. And, while we are at it, you need a set of Sharpies thick enough to label the boxes you then have to open and break down with your utility knife. Trust me on this one.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to cut down drastically on drinking bottled water. I have filtered water through my refrigerator, so now I fill my Brita pitcher and put it in the fridge and I have cold, twice-filtered water that really tastes good. (About now you are probably wondering why you are reading this deadly dull blog.)

On December 16 I filled my car with gas for the first time since September. I should be good until at least February since, after all, where am I going?

I had to find some old pictures on an external hard drive recently, and it struck me how much smaller and more convenient they are now. You can buy a “Photo Stick” the size of your pinky for about $100 (depending on storage capacity) that will find your pictures and store them as a back-up. I have mine on a hard drive that almost fits in the palm of my hand. The first external drive I bought had a fraction of the space and was the size of a hardback book. They have come down in price and size and up in storage capacity, making them a convenient and safer way to store things you need or treasure rather than relying on putting everything in the Cloud. Back up your valuable stuff, people!

When I worked for J&J, whenever someone would have an upset stomach, they would go to Pat Cuccia’s desk and request some of the “magic crackers” – plain butter crackers from Pepperidge Farm that Pat kept on hand for just such ailments. They invariably helped. And so did the fact that our little group in the PR department cared for each other enough to have magic crackers on hand. I can’t replace the people, but I decided to buy the crackers recently, and that old, familiar taste was so comforting.

I’ve been all by myself for such a long time – minus trips to ShopRite and my doctors – that I don’t know if I will be able to reenter society when it is safe to go out again. One thing I’m sure of: I will be wearing a mask for at least the rest of this year. 

I am afraid that when I finally get to hug someone I will burst into uncontrollable tears. The last hug I had was on March 8.

One thing Trump can be sure of: President Biden’s Inauguration attendance will not beat Trump’s 2017 crowds. That’s because of new security measures taken to close the Capitol Mall in the aftermath of the terrorist attack on the Capitol incited by Trump on January 6. Almost no one will be able to witness this historic moment in person. He must be so proud.

I liked it better when Banana Republic was just a store in the mall.

Now Trump says he doesn’t want to pay Rudy Giuliani, who reportedly charges $20,000 a day for his crack legal work. Rudy’s going to be buying the real bargain hair dye now, probably from the Dollar Store. I guess if you are going to sell your soul, you can set a high price. But if you don’t get paid, you have lost your soul for nothing.

I miss not feeling afraid. Between the pandemic and all of the adjustments we have all had to make to our daily lives and the political situation in this country with its psychotic vitriol, I have to constantly remind myself to calm down and find joy. Believe me, it is hard to come up with 1500 words of humor every month under these conditions.

At some point this year, I hope I can stop clenching my teeth.







Friday, January 1, 2021

December 2020 Movies & More and Best of the Year

First, here are the 15 movies and shows I watched in December. Following that, you can find the best ones of a busy year, when I watched more than 200 movies, TV series, mini-series, documentaries and more. Movies not previously seen are marked with an asterisk and all are rated on the scale of 1-5 cans of tuna. Numbering picks up from previous months.

192.  Dance Dreams: Hot Chocolate Nutcracker* (2020, Netflix) – Debbie Allen is a force of nature. A noted choreographer, director, actor, dancer and star of such memorable movies as “Fame,” she is also the woman behind the “Debbie Allen Dance Academy,” a place where children from age five up can learn to dance. Each year the Academy presents Allen’s version of the classic “The Nutcracker,” which includes not only ballet but hip-hop, tap, Bollywood and other dance styles. In this documentary, we get to meet some of the students and witness their passion for dancing as the troupe gets ready for its special show. I admire people who have passion about something and who follow their dreams. Allen isn’t easy on the kids, but they thrive under her loving tutelage. If you are lucky enough to get into her academy and get a role in “Hot Chocolate Nutcracker,” you are lucky indeed. 3½ cans.
193.  Happiest Season* (2020, Netflix) – This is about as close as I get to watching a holiday movie (excluding “Love Actually”). Kristen Stewart plays Abby, a lesbian who wants to propose to her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis) but there’s a snag: Harper hasn’t come out as gay yet to her straight-laced family. So they go to Harper’s house for Christmas, stay in different bedrooms and pretend they are just friends. And the distance between them is more than two floors. This movie reminded me of “The Family Stone” with the family’s strange behavior. Throw in an ex-boyfriend as well as an ex-girlfriend and the brew gets stranger. Fortunately, Daniel Levy as John comes to help save the day. This was cute enough, better than a Hallmark movie, but surely didn’t make my season the happiest. 3 cans.
194.  Dave (1993, Cable) – My sister often notes that she doesn’t understand why I will watch movies I have already seen. But when there are movies like Dave, I want to see them every now and then and relish each tasty bit. Dave (the fabulous Kevin Kline) is a regular guy who just happens to be the doppelganger of the US President. He is drafted by the President’s henchmen to fill it for POTUS after the prez suffers a debilitating stroke – which shows you the power of the President’s staff, dismissing the existing VP in the line of succession. The real president is a womanizing, corrupt jerk, estranged from his wife (Sigourney Weaver), but Dave is a genuinely good guy who is willing to get his own accountant (the droll Charles Grodin) to look over the US budget and straighten things out. Will good triumph over evil? Will the president recover and Dave disappear? You’ll have to watch this endearing movie for yourself, and it is a treat – no matter how many times I have seen it. 4 cans.
195.  The Prom* (2020, Netflix) – This movie is based on the terrific Broadway musical and the star-studded cast here does not disappoint. There’s Meryl, James Corden, Nicole Kidman, Kerry Washington, Keegan-Michael Key and Andrew Rannells as the leads in a show about a group of washed up “stars” who seek publicity for their failing careers by taking on the cause of a high school girl (Jo Ellen Pellman) whose prom has been cancelled because she wants to bring her girlfriend (Ariana DeBose). The girlfriend has not disclosed to her strict mother that she is gay, so the stars troop into town to encourage her and stage the show. Yes, this is campy and hardly Meryl’s finest hour, but it is invigorating and fun. The lighting, staging and general exuberance make up for the incredulity of it, but isn’t that what theater is all about? This was the last show I saw before the pandemic, and I loved the Broadway version. Here director Ryan Murphy and his choreographers have opened it up so there are dance numbers in the mall (I forgot how much I missed going to a mall…) and all over the place. It is full of vibrant colors and spirited dancing. This is a fun, heartwarming and much-needed reminder of why we need theater AND tolerance. It won’t be the best movie of the year, but I loved it!  4 cans.
196.  Let Them Talk* (2020, HBO Max) – If someone makes a sequel to this movie, it should be called “Make Them Stop.” This story about three old friends reuniting consists of themes about aging and general topics, and much of the dialog was improvised by leads Meryl Streep, Candice Bergen and Dianne Weist under the direction of Steven Soderbergh. The result is no one’s best effort, although the acting was delicious. I believed Meryl Streep as a haughty author, Dianne Wiest as a do-gooder, and Candice Bergen as an aging woman, dissatisfied with her career selling lingerie and on the prowl for a man who can foot her bills. When Streep’s Alice invites her best college buddies to cross the Atlantic with her on a cruise so that she can pick up a literary prize, they are eager to join her despite not having gotten together for 30 years. The premise seemed strained to me and there wasn’t nearly enough reuniting. I admire these actresses and was hoping for a smash, but too much talking and not enough plot dashed my hopes. 3 cans.
197.  The BeeGees: How Can You Mend a Broken Heart* (2020, HBO) – Barry, Robin and Maurice were the BeeGees, an enduring group of accomplished singers and songwriters who ruled the charts in the 1970s and 80s. Their music ranged from slightly folksy to slightly funky, but they are best remembered for their work on the disco-infused soundtrack for “Saturday Night Fever,” with such smash hits as “Night Fever,” “You Should Be Dancing,” “How Deep Is Your Love?” and “Jive Talkin.” Who can forget John Travolta strutting down the street to the tune of “Stayin’ Alive” in the movie’s opening sequence? The brothers Gibb were a huge act, recording and touring, drawing crowds and filling stadiums – but there were jealousies and break-ups, too much booze and drugs and periods of failure. This HBO documentary traces their story from their native Australia to England to America. It is the music that rules here, and they wrote all of their own stuff – more than 1000 songs in total. Twins Maurice and Robin have passed away, and before them, younger brother Andy succumbed to a heart attack brought on by drug abuse. But their songs – classics such as “To Love Somebody” and “Words” – live on. 4 cans.
198.  Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom* (2020, Netflix) – This adaptation of the stage play by August Wilson is less about plot and much more about character. The outstanding Viola Davis is transformed into Ma Rainey, a Blues singer who is a talented, stubborn, difficult woman who is large and in charge of every aspect of her life. Chadwick Bozeman delivers a memorable performance as a horn player assured of his own abilities and eager for greater success. You know that there is no way for peaceful coexistence between the more experienced and immovable Ma and this lithe, vibrant man, brimming with his own ideas. Bozeman is heartbreaking to watch now that we know he was in the last stages of the colon cancer that ultimately took his life. To be denied of all of the great performances that would have added to his legacy is almost too much to bear.  From the Black Panther to James Brown to Thurgood Marshall to Levee here, he was a captivating performer who died far too you and who will be missed forever. 4 cans.
198. Stepmom (1998) – Susan Sarandon is Jackie, the perfect mother of two, divorced from Luke (Ed Harris) and loathing Isabel (Julia Roberts, who has never looked better than she does here), the attractive, independent woman he is dating. The kids are precocious, Jackie is passive-aggressive, Isabel is kind-hearted but no shrinking violet, and Luke is never around. Finding her place in a family where she is resented isn’t easy for Isabel, and Jackie’s disdain doesn’t help. This is a beautifully filmed movie that tugs on my heartstrings. The kids in the movie – Jena Malone and Liam Aiken – are outstanding. 4 cans.
199. Auntie Mame (1958) – The incomparable Rosalind Russell plays the eccentric mapcap Mame in this charmer of a movie. When socialite Mame Dennis is suddenly put charge of her young nephew Patrick, she is determined to “open doors” for him, keeping him from the insufferable Mr. Babcock of the Knickerbocker Bank, which manages his trust fund. Living the good life on Beekman Place in New York and palling around with actress friend Vera, artists and unconventional types, Mame loses her fortune in the Great Depression and has to muddle through. But Mame is a survivor, and her little family of Patrick, secretary Nora and houseboy Ito bond together until times get infinitely better. This movie delights and moves me every time I see it, and it is so much better than the musical version of the stage play “Mame,” despite the presence of Lucille Ball in the title role. I miss some of the great music (“We Need a Little Christmas” and “If He Walked Into My Life”), but the character of Mame is, to me, one of the most memorable to grace the screen. 4½ cans.
200. A Christmas Story (1983, TBS) – No holiday season would be complete without Jean Shepherd’s quirky little stroll down memory lane. Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) wants a Red Ranger Rifle, a BB gun destined to shoot his eye out, for Christmas. All the pent-up hope of a little boy is crammed into this funny look back at life, with scenes at school, fighting the neighborhood bully, snowsuits that prevent a kid’s arms from moving, standing on line to see Santa and Christmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant. There’s a kid whose tongue gets stuck to a metal pole and the silly, leggy lamp cherished by Ralphie’s father – all memorable moments in this classic family gem. My Christmas Eve is complete. 3½ cans.
201. Barbra: The Movies, the Memories, The Magic* (Netflix) – This is the film of Barbra Streisand’s most recent concert tour, where she covers smash hits from the albums she has released over 6 decades. All the favorites are here, and she seems thrilled to perform them for an enthusiastic audience. I was lucky enough to finally catch her act on this tour, and Barbra did not disappoint. If you are a fan, don’t miss Barbra in action. 4 cans.
202.  Funny Girl (1968, Prime Video) – My Barbra appetite was whetted by her concert, so what better way to enjoy her extraordinary talent than to start from the beginning? Streisand burst on the stage of the Winter Garden theater several years before in the title role of this story about legendary performer Fanny Brice, and it was only natural that she play Fanny in the film version. It is loaded with memorable songs (“Don’t Rain on My Parade,” “People,”) oozing with brass and bravado, and truly marked the emergence of Barbra Streisand as a leading player in Hollywood. I always think of my mother when watching this magnificent movie, because she insisted that she “discovered” Barbra when she saw the Broadway show. Ma, you got this one right. 4½ cans.
203.  The Family Stone (2005, HBO and Hulu) – Sara Jessica Parker is the uptight girlfriend of the near-perfect man (Dermot Mulroney), but when she goes home with him for Christmas, she makes a big impression – all the wrong way – with his sprawling and loving family. She’s convinced they all hate her (and she isn’t really far off in that assessment), so she gets her sister(Clare Danes) to join her to bolster her ratings. Then her boyfriend falls for her sister and she falls for another brother (Luke Wilson). Throw in the parents (Diane Keaton and Craig T. Nelson) and sisters (Rachel McAdams and Elizabeth Reiser) and chaos ensues. Really cute movie. 4 cans.
204.  The Flight Attendant* (2020, HBO Max) – This 8-part limited series is based on a novel I read earlier this year, but it goes far beyond the confines of the book with plenty of suspense and intrigue. Kaley Cuoco plays the hot mess that is flight attendant Cassie Bowden, a heavy drinker (night or day) whose out-of-control-partying finds her one day waking up next to the dead body of the passenger with whom she had a one-night stand (and that won’t happen again, because his throat is slit). She has the choice to contact the authorities or flee, and, like most of her decisions, she makes the wrong choice. I won’t get into the details here because I don’t want to give up any spoilers, but I will say that even with plenty of action, stabbings, attempted murders, chases, etc., I still thought parts of this series dragged. I found myself getting impatient with the plot and eager for Cassie to pull herself together. Zosia Mamet as her best friend, Annie the lawyer, is a good counterpoint to Cassie, but everyone here is in over their heads. When season 2 debuts, I may not be on board this flight again.  3½ cans.
205.  Hope Gap* (2019, Hulu) – This is a dreary little movie about a hopelessly unhappy couple who have been married for 29 years. Edward (Bill Nighy) can’t do anything right to please his difficult wife Grace (Annette Bening) and he has given up. She thinks they can just make a few changes and all will be well again. What she doesn’t know initially is that he has found someone else – quite by accident – who makes him content and happy. There has to be more to life than making each other tea and not talking, right? They make their grown son Jamie (Josh O’Connor) the intermediary, an awkward position for a young adult who doesn’t want to spend time with his parents even when things are going well. And there you have it. No need to feel downtrodden now since I’ve done it for you. 3 cans.
206.  Starting Over (1979 – from my DVD collection) – The counterpoint to Hope Gap is this charmer about the dissolution of a marriage, a new romance, the intrusion of the first wife and other obstacles to adult happiness. Burt Reynolds is Phil Potter, separated from his singer/songwriter wife (Candice Bergen) when he meets teacher Marilyn (Jill Clayburgh, who steals the show and is a terrific crier). Phil has a tough time adjusting to his divorce and although he and Marilyn seem like a compatible duo, he’s gun shy.  This is an amusing look at adult relationships with some genuinely funny bits. Credit to the gorgeous Candice Bergen for badly singing some terrible songs and letting herself be the butt of the joke. I hadn’t seen this movie in years, and it turned out to be the right time and right way to end this year of movies and more. 4 cans.

Here are the dirty dozen of the best movies and shows I saw in 2020 that made the year palatable. Not all of them were new, but they were new to me. If you have nothing to watch, start with this list.

The Art of Racing in the Rain – I fell in love with Milo Ventimiglia and his dog Enzo here and started crying about halfway through. Not a new film but new to me! Now airing on Hulu.

Uncut Gems – This was a powerful film, desperate and unflinching. I can’t say I enjoyed it, but it was very well done. Netflix.

Just Mercy – Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx build an uneasy alliance in this film about injustice. HBO Max.

The Last Dance – This 10-part ESPN docuseries about the other Michael Jordan was completely addictive. It now airs on Netflix.

Lenox Hill – Real doctors doing real cases that ended just as the pandemic began. Netflix.

13th – Ana DuVernay’s look at racial inequality and the need for prison reform was eye-opening. Netflix.

The Social Dilemma – A scary look at the impact of social networking and the way information is used in nefarious ways. Netflix.

Bruce Springsteen – A Letter to You – The Boss bares his soul and gifts us with new, reflective music in this documentary he created. Apple TV+

Queen’s Gambit – A captivating film about a chess playing prodigy reels you in and does not care if you know anything about chess. Netflix.

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom – Powerful performances by Viola Davis and the late Chadwick Bozeman make this film adaptation a must-see. Netflix.

The Undoing – This mini-series with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant (also starring Donald Sutherland’s eyebrows) was a who-done-it of the first order.  HBO Max.

The West Wing – I reveled in rewatching the 7 seasons and 156 episodes of this drama with its memorable characters, penchant for political complications and humor. Watching this much TV was a commitment, but what else did I have to do? Now on HBO Max.

Other contenders were "Dead to Me, Season 2," "The Morning Show," "The Prom," "The Trial of the Chicago 7" and "Mike Wallace is Here."