Spring Things

Ah, Spring! The flowers are starting to bud, the cherry blossoms are out and the smell of mulch is in the air. God, I hate the smell of mulch!

I wish I could wrap gifts as neatly as the guy at the deli wraps my turkey sandwich. I also wish I could make a turkey sandwich that neatly.

The guy in the bagel store who came in after me was there to pick up an order of French fries. From the bagel store? I know they sell sandwiches, but who gets French fries from a bagel store? At 9:45 AM, no less? While wearing a suit and tie?

Speaking of the bagel store, when did bagels increase to the size of a wagon wheel? I have to squish them down after cutting them just to get them into my wide slot toaster. 

I have found recent episodes of “Jeopardy” dull and unengaging. What we need is an interesting champion who we can love or dislike while they sustain a streak. I suggest a new senior version of the show with one less category so we have a little more time to wade through all the stuff clogging our brains and come up with the answer. They could add categories like Medical Ailments and Music Only From the 60s that we would know. I could see my friend Linda Caldwell Epps running the History of NJ category. Martha Boughner will handle John Philip Sousa Music, I'll take Mickey Mantle and TV, and we'll assign Psychology to Debbie Lunch. I can see seniors loving this new format. What do you think?

My neighbor bought a white Ford Bronco and now, of course, I can’t stop thinking of OJ Simpson and the slow-speed chase. 

I long for the days when I could just turn on WPIX 11 and watch the Yankee game. Now you practically need a detective to find the games. Some are on the YES Network (which you might not get, depending on your cable company), while others air on the Amazon Prime streaming service. Fox might pick up a game or ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball might air one. You can watch some games on the MLB network or subscribe to MLB.com. If you’re lucky, your game won’t be blacked out in your market. Why does following your favorite team have to be such an ordeal?

Does anybody want to fold the laundry for me? I’m tired of it.

We have become stat-happy as a society, particularly in sports. Is there any real significance to having two lefthanders named Bob face each other on the mound in a Tuesday night game? Does it matter that this is the first time since 1987 that a quarterback has thrown two touchdowns to a man whose brother plays on the opposite team? I could go for fewer facts here, sports media, though I suppose this is all driven by the betting world, who will place a wager on just these kinds of tidbits.

I hate scheduling. I do fine on my own; I can balance out my medical appointments and my meetings just fine. But introduce other people to the mix for planning lunch or just a visit, and you get every reason why they can’t commit. “My neighbor’s going to drop off her dog that day”. “We have a wedding in Ethiopia the following week and I have to pack.” “We might be picking up a new car that week.” “My granddaughter is trying out for the soccer team and I might have to pick her up.” I’m not saying these reasons are phony, just that it is tough to schedule anything with other people, and the more people involved, the tougher it is. Even when something is a recurring event, like my book club meetings, people can’t seem to get it together. We meet on the 4th Tuesday of the month, and we never end a meeting without someone asking, “When is the next meeting?” Why is this SO HARD?

I had such a large stash of Bed Bath & Beyond coupons that I thought I might have to leave them to someone in my will. I never suspected that I would outlive the store! I drove past the Bridgewater store recently and almost cried out loud when all I could see in the space were a few empty display shelves. I like to see the towels in person, check out the colors and feel the fluffiness. I will miss rifling through the Fieldcrest bath towels, wondering what the “Hotel Collection” means, and picking up an extra long hair towel for my far-from-long hair. I’ll miss looking at the sheets and comforter sets. Sure, I can shop online AND use the coupons, but it’s not the same. I haven’t even recovered from the demise of Linens & Things yet, so this one really hurts. 

And speaking of size, who can possibly figure out whether the roll of toilet paper is “ultra” or “mega-sized” and what that means. Toilet paper math is perplexing: ”6 rolls = 48” boasts one package. One thing we must agree on is that the paper should always go OVER the top of the roll. If your opinion differs, just move along, and know that if I am at your house and see it placed UNDER the roll, I WILL switch it to place it correctly OVER!

I haven’t yet seen this year’s Oscar-winning Best Picture, “Everything, Everywhere All at Once yet because life is keeping me hopping with Anything, All Over the Place, All the Time.

I’m at the point now that between arthritic knees and old age, it is tough for me to pick things up off the floor. Now if I drop something and it rolls under the furniture, I have to ask myself how much I really need it and when is the cleaning woman coming in? Can this wait a week or two? 

In an attempt to reduce spending money buying books for my Kindle, I went to my local library in Manville, NJ, where the nice people allowed me to get one of their cards and download books on my Kindle. I was about 75% through with the book I borrowed and it simply disappeared on the due date. But the good library folks walked me through how to sign on and borrow the same book again, and, when I did, it opened up to exactly where I stopped reading.

I finally understand why guys are outside wearing shorts in the coldest weather: They are coming from the gym. The new gym I joined is like Grand Central Station, with people of all ages coming and going all day (the place is open from 4 AM to midnight), toting bags and yoga mats and wearing shorts or yoga pants so they can bend and stretch and pedal in a class that would probably kill me. Or they are using equipment that looks like medieval torture devices or lifting what looks like their bodyweight in dumbbells. Some of these people may want my help in explaining rotator cuff surgery years down the line. I’m not there for Pilates or hot yoga or a class called “Shred,” which I don’t think has anything to do with getting rid of my old tax returns. I’m there for aqua aerobics, a brisk class filled with my kind of people – mostly senior women who can “sweat it out” in the pool for 45-60 minutes while moving to my generation’s classical music – like “Build Me Up Buttercup” or anything Motown. Disco works, too. It is fun, motivating and you work up enough of an appetite to eat in the gym’s café once you’re done. You can buy all kinds of smoothies there, but nary a carbonated beverage. I go to my new aqua aerobics now three times a week and I think I’m ready to be named to the President’s Council on Physical Fitness (does that still exist?). 

Exactly how many times do I have to convince the internet authorities that I am not a robot? Not now, nor have I ever been.

Ah, the dulcet tones of Dateline’s Keith Morrison. I could listen to Keith all night – and sometimes I do. Just find Dateline on the Oxygen Network and he’ll be there slightly more often than Dennis Murphy or Josh Mankiewicz, just enough to lull me to sleep and stay asleep.

I was looking for something one morning that I couldn't find. Instead, I found my proportional wheel in case I feel the need to crop some pictures. Then, a week later, looking for something else, I found my old slide rule, still tucked neatly in its case. I will defy the admonitions of organizer Marie Kondo and keep both, even though neither has or will ever bring me joy. I have had the slide rule for about 60 years and I’m not getting rid of it now! I don’t know why I kept these things on the first place. I haven’t felt the urge to use any of these tools for decades. That goes for anything else related to math, aside from figuring out the tip at a restaurant. Maybe I should bring an abacus for that chore.

My favorite nephew turned 30 on March 30. It’s funny how he has gotten older while I have remained timeless. I treasure every memory I have of him, of the things we did together, of the conversations we have had and of seeing his accomplishments. His next big milestone comes next year, when he marries the most perfect young woman, who happens to be his ideal match. I look forward to many more memories of times together.

March 2023 Movies & More

Marching on to more entertainment! Everything here is rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 at the top. Things I have not seen before are marked with an asterisk. Numbering picks up from previous months.

27. The White Shadow (1978-1981, Me TV Too) – If I had to pick my favorite fictional coach, Ken Reeves (Ken Howard) would be at the top of the list. In this series, Reeves, a former pro basketball player for the Chicago Bulls, takes a job as the basketball coach of Carver High in Los Angeles. His squad is diverse and talented, but what they need is a good coach and role model. Reeves never pretends to have all the answers, as he and his team bond over some pretty good on-screen basketball and are forced to deal with the issues of the day – racial discrimination and targeting, drugs, mental health issues, sexual abuse, homosexuality, guns in schools – all of the issues still prevalent today. I love this show. Howard is excellent, as are co-stars Joan Pringle and Ed Bernard as the school administrators. And then there is that cast of loveable players, several of whom became noted directors (Tim Van Patten of the Sopranos, Kevin Hooks and Thomas Carter) and all of whom could actually hoop. Me TV Too doesn’t show all of the episodes, but I have seen everything aired and fell in love once again with this heart-warming series. 4 hoops.
28.  Chris Rock: Selective Outrage* (2023, Netflix) – In case you were wondering about comedian Chris Rock’s reaction to being slapped by Will Smith at last year’s Oscars, he’s only too happy to share his cleverly worded outrage. This raucous hour sees him slinging mud at dating women his own age, his spoiled kids, the Kardashians, Meghan Markle and a host of others, with a special emphasis on Will Smith and his wife, Jada Pinkett. Lots of swearing and use of the N word, but always clever and on point. 3½ cans.
29.  Glitch: The Rise & Fall of HQ Trivia* (2023, CNN) – I’m amazed and appalled that I had never heard of the cell phone app HQ Trivia, which was apparently all the rage – until it wasn’t – until I saw this documentary on CNN. After all, I play “Wordle” every day and have shared “Words with Friends.” But this app, developed by two young entrepreneurs whose first tech venture was the short video app Vines, offered players a daily quiz, hosted by a stand-up comedian who became a star for as long as it lasted, and the app built a following of almost 4 million daily viewers. Tech bubbles burst, as we know, and the bad behavior, mismanagement and lack of a viable long-term future brought this one crashing down. Like the doomed Frye Festival, this doc is a study in what goes up must come down. 3 cans.
30.  Living* (2023, Montgomery Cinema) – Living is boring – the movie, that is. Maybe I’m just not approaching this film from an intellectual standpoint, where I might understand the deeper meaning of a very ordinary man who changes his ways once he finds out that he is dying. Or maybe I just think that the story wasn’t compelling enough to make me care. All I know is that when I fell asleep I must have missed the best part of the movie because what I did see was boring – without an intellectual analysis of the story. I can’t imagine what the pitch meeting for this one was like. Bill Nighy does a good job portraying the boring lead character. 2½ cans.
31.  A Futile and Stupid Gesture*(2018, Netflix) – The comic and somewhat demented mind of bad boy funnyman Douglas Kinney is recounted in this biopic about the founder of The National Lampoon. Kinney (played by Will Forte, with the elder version played by Martin Mull) was surrounded by clever and funny classmates at the Harvard Lampoon. But when he graduated, Kinney only had eyes for creating a national magazine with his steadier friend Henry Beard. Once the magazine achieved critical mass, books and movies weren’t far behind. Kinney ran The National Lampoon Lemmings, a sketch show with previously unknown talents like John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray and Gilda Radner, all of whom morphed into a non-Kinney vehicle, Saturday Night Live. So Kinney made memorable, hilarious movies, like “Animal House” and “Caddyshack,” to keep his comic chops alive. You may not know Kinney’s name, but I’m pretty sure he made you laugh. 3 cans.
32.  Ordinary Love* (2019, Hulu) – Liam Neeson has stepped away from the plane/train/automobile action genre to play this ordinary husband of a woman (Lesley Mann) who is diagnosed with breast cancer. They have been together for decades in a loving relationship that is occasionally punctuated with a bit of mostly good-natured harping from each of them. When Joan first feels a lump in her breast, the whole litany of tests and waiting for results that every cancer patient must endure begins. This poignant drama is not for people currently going through this situation, which is entirely too familiar to many people. The couple are the parents of a daughter who died suddenly (no circumstances are provided) and they are still coping with that terrible loss. They are forced to tackle this new challenge together, each giving and drawing strength from the other. Not exactly a pick-me-up, but the reality of how cancer effects the patient and the family is well told here. 3½ cans.
33.  Jared from Subway: Catching a Monster* (2023, ID Channel) – Remember Jared? He was the nerdy guy who lost 200 pounds by eating sandwiches from the Subway chain every day and who became a spokesman for the brand. He seemed like a normal, likeable guy who was dedicated to helping other people. But this docuseries digs deeper, revealing a man addicted to child porn and acting on his impulses with children. This is a disturbing story, with warnings about material being offensive at every commercial break. Journalist Rochelle Herman is the hero, taking cues from her early encounters with Jared as signs of his more prurient interests and building a long relationship with him so that she could gather enough evidence (through recording their phone calls) to have him charged. It took years. Jared’s not eating Subway sandwiches anymore; he’s in prison and will be there for a very long time. 3½ sandwiches.
34.  The Boston Strangler* (2023, Hulu) – Kiera Knightly is reporter Loretta, who is determined to bring down the Boston Strangler in this new look at the famous case. Relegated to the lifestyle pages of her newspaper, Loretta is the first person to note similarities in the unsolved deaths of women in Boston, and she pitches the story to her editor. Working with experienced investigative reporter Jean Cole (Carrie Koons), Loretta tracks down every lead and keeps asking the cops for information on the case. The movie is a little creepy (consider the subject matter) as it seems no one is safe in the area with the murderer on the loose. I won’t reveal what happens, but Knightly does an excellent job portraying the dogged journalist. 3½ cans.
35.  Alone Together* (2023, Hulu) – We all remember what it was like in the beginning of the pandemic in 2020. You couldn’t go anywhere, buy anything or appear in public without fear of catching Covid, even as people were dying in staggering numbers. So when June (Katie Holmes, who also produced, wrote and directed the movie) winds up at an upstate New York rental for which her boyfriend arranged, she is shocked to see the property is already occupied by Charlie (Jim Sturgiss). With nowhere to go and no way to get there, she sticks around and begins to fall for Charlie despite her relationship with another man. This rom-com feels current because of the pandemic, which is in the forefront (they make masks together and you can hear the dire warnings of then-New York Governor Cuomo playing in the background) of an otherwise pretty predictable movie. I kept wondering about the practical things, like getting toilet paper, food and haircuts, that we all had to deal with, especially in the first six months of uncertainty. If I had landed at that house, I would not have been greeted by a handsome stranger. With my luck, he would have been the Boston strangler. 3 cans.
36.  Dear Edward* (2023, Apple TV+) – Whenever a story is adapted from a book, the filmmakers have an opportunity to expand on the original, even to introduce new characters and plotlines. That’s what the producers did with this interesting book – and not entirely successfully. The story is about Edward (Colin O’Brien), a 12-year old boy who is traveling with his parents and older brother to California when their plane crashes. Edward is the sole survivor. After a stint in the hospital to recover physically, Edward goes to live with his aunt (Taylor Schilling) and has to deal with the trauma and guilt of why he is the one person to make it out alive. This mini-series introduces new characters – too many characters who were not in the book (although Connie Britton is a welcome addition to almost any story) – and I found their plots meandering. There is a grief group for families of those killed where people reveal their own stories while trying to understand the tragedy that has linked them all. Unlike the book, the title “Dear Edward” doesn’t come into play until the next-to-last episode. But at the conclusion of the 10-part series it was clear that another season will follow. I’m not sure I’ll be along for the ride. 3½ cans.
37.  Starting Over (1979, Cable TV) – Burt Reynolds escapes from his “Smokey & the Bandit” wise guy persona in this charming rom-com. His Phil Potter is devastated when he and his would-be musician wife (Candice Bergen) break up. He tries to find his footing by moving to Boston and joining a group of equally depressed but supportive divorced men and then meets Marilyn (Jill Clayburgh), a school teacher with whom he tentatively starts a relationship. But nothing is easy, and the ex-Mrs. Potter shows up again in a barely there blouse to entice Phil to return? To sleep with her? To restart their marriage? Candice Bergen is an icy princess in this part, and she excels. When she tries to seduce Phil by singing him her outrageously bad rendition of her song, “Better Than Ever,” you can’t help but wonder how she can do it with a straight face. Reynolds’ face goes between wondering the same thing and surviving the torture of listening to her sing. Look for the scene in Bloomingdales with a paper bag and Valium for a memorable laugh. 3½ cans.
38.  Emergency NYC* (2023, Netflix) – This absolutely engrossing 8-part docuseries focuses on the heroic emergency staff, ambulance drivers and helicopter pilots specially trained for emergencies. There are nurses, surgeons and other doctors who do their best to care for severely ill or injured patients in NYC, shuttling them by helicopter and ambulance to Lenox Hill Hospital or to Cohen Children’s Hospital on Long Island. We meet people waiting for transplants, people with brain and eye tumors, young gunshot victims, and several staff people giving birth. If guts and gore don’t bother you, you will appreciate and fresh, healthy liver and a newly received heart, cutting through the skull and removing various tumors. Not everyone survives, but that just makes the reality hit home. The medical problems and techniques are fascinating, but so are the people, including the dedicated Chief Neurosurgeon who barely survives a skiing accident. I’ve seen series like this before and I would watch another one tomorrow. Well done! 4½ cans.

Marching On!

Spaghetti on day 2 is so much better than spaghetti on day 1. But if you refuse to eat leftovers, you'll never know that.

Basketball can warm your heart one minute and break it the next. Only true fans can survive the dichotomy and live to cheer another day. Rutgers fans can really understand.

I don't even know what this job posting means and it is a position in communications – the field in which I spent my entire career!

"The primary focus will be to support the implementation of the Finance roadmap plans through successful minimum viable product (MVP) deployment cycles within CCER/A2R in order to maximize end user and partner engagement and minimize resistance. This individual will engage closely with key stakeholders within the workstream teams, such as Global Process Owners (GPOs) and workstream leads, to support stakeholder assessments and the development and execution of the change strategy to enable sustainment of new ways of working and behaving in Finance."

2023 marks 17 years of retirement for me and I am still loving every minute. If you add that to my 34 years of work, you will come to the conclusion that I am OLD!

If I put the garbage out the night before the pick-up or early on the pick-up day, the truck shows up after 2 to collect it. But if I don’t put it out early, the truck is there by 11 and I miss it. Today I went out with the trash at 11 just as the truck was picking up from the house before mine. That’s perfect timing!

I never display less confidence in myself than when I have to pull my car into the carwash and get the tires on those little tracks. Are my tires in the right place? What happens if they are not?

If there is nothing resembling corn in corned beef, then what’s reason for corn in the name?

I just cleaned my glasses. So that’s what I have been missing!

GS – General Soreness – is the new term used by the NBA to excuse players from playing who don’t have a specific injury, like a broken ankle. Who would have thought I had something in common with professional basketball players? I’m all full of GS, and I won’t be playing in an NBA game either!

That reminds me – does everyone make sounds when getting up from the couch or chair or is that just me? I’m not talking about knee joints with that snap, crackle and pop. It’s more like a big sigh, a major groan or a plaintive wail. Anyone? Anyone?

If you swap 2 letters, Venmo becomes VENOM. Just thought I’d mention that.

Shouldn’t a meteorologist be someone who studies meteors and not someone like Sam Champion, who tells you the weather report (which is often wrong anyway)?

You know you’re getting old when the doctors you have gone to for a long time start retiring. Or worse – your hair stylist. These people are essential to us and it is hard to replace them!

It took me this long to realize that I don’t dislike drinking water. I just dislike drinking water that is not COLD – the colder the better.

I was thinking to myself that it was Saturday but it felt like Sunday and then I thought, “What does Sunday feel like?” I’m not sure.

If there are PERFECT strangers, are there also IMPERFECT strangers? How would you tell them apart. Is that like saying something is VERY unique? Unique doesn’t have a sliding scale; something is either unique or it is not.

I brought my car in for service recently and was reading my Kindle while waiting for it. I couldn't keep my eyes open! I wonder if I can book an appointment there for 3 am so I can get some good sleep because my bed doesn't work as well as the loud waiting room at the Mercedes dealership.

Kudos to the staff at my second home, ShopRite, for somehow taking down the behemoth display of chips, soda and other snacks for the Super Bowl and quickly replacing it with a Valentine’s theme full of fresh cut flowers and heart-shaped candy boxes. The speed with which this was accomplished was surpassed only by the Super Bowl itself, where the playing field is converted into a massive concert venue for halftime and converted back into a playing field mere minutes later. I’d like to see a behind-the-scenes documentary on how that gets done!

The problem with magazine subscriptions is that the issues just keep coming. I have subscribed and unsubscribed to the paper copy of Vanity Fair at least 3 times. Then it is offered for a year for $8 and I can’t resist. I probably have issues squirreled away to read from 2007.

I signed up for a service to block unwanted calls from my home phone. It works great for the most part. But now I want to modify it to allow calls from a certain number and I can’t remember the name of the service or how to make that change. It is mighty quiet around here! 

I have never been to Staten Island. I have been THROUGH Staten Island on a few trips to Brooklyn, but I have never thought of Staten Island as being part of New York. To me, New York is Manhattan and Manhattan only. After all, there are tons of neighborhoods in Manhattan. Isn’t that enough? Do we really need Staten Island to be part of the City? No offense to Staten Islanders, but it is really more like a pass-through.

There is no better way to tell you the age demographic of the senior community where I live than to let you know that in our clubhouse we have a “CLOAK” room. Not a coat room, and no cloak and dagger, but an actual cloak room where, I suppose, you can store your cloak or other outerwear while you participate in the activities there. I remember a cloak room shared between two classrooms in elementary school, a place to hang your carcoat with those toggle, barrel-shaped “buttons” and your leggings – not the kind people wear to exercise, but thick, wool leggings girls had to wear under their skirts when there was snow because there were rarely snow days back then. But I thought Cloak rooms were long gone. Not here!

I thought that the price of orange juice was too expensive so instead of buying a carton, I spent $6 on 6 oranges and squeezed my own. Of course, that yielded 24 ounces for my $6 instead of 64 ounces that were in the carton, but it was freshly squeezed and hey, that’s way too much math!

Among the many things I don’t know or will never understand are:
•    How to play craps.
•    What hand beats what hand in poker? Full House? Straight? Huh?
•    Military ranks – where does a Colonel fall? And why do we pronounce it with an R instead of an L?
•    And for a sports fan, I know absolutely nothing about sports betting, the point spread and anything other than who won or lost. I barely can play the lottery without help.

It is always awkward when someone makes some food they consider their best work but you don’t care for that food, regardless of how their version turned out. Then you are forced to taste it, and if you say it was good, you are forced to eat more of it. You’re lucky if the person doesn’t make it specifically for you the next time. I feel that way about oatmeal raisin and gingerbread cookies. I don’t like either, so please don’t make me waste my calories on them. I know your intentions are good, but I don’t like them and don’t want to be forced to eat either. I don’t trust a cookie that appears to be a good, old-fashioned chocolate chip until you realize that what you think are chips are actually dried up grapes!

Three years ago this month we began scouring store shelves for toilet paper, avoiding public places and sanitizing our mail. We started baking and cooking in mass quantities because we needed food and there wasn’t much else to do as Covid took over our lives and an eventual quarantine was declared. I even tried baking challah; the outcome was acceptable but it looked and tasted nothing like the real thing. Then we were making masks out of old socks (in my case) or scrap material whipped up on the sewing machine (surely NOT in my case). People could not gather for funerals, to visit loved ones in the hospital or to see new grandbabies. There were no vaccines, no treatments and nothing but fear as reports showed hospitals with trucks full of dead bodies. You couldn’t go anywhere; even most doctor visits were virtual. I filled my gas tank four times in 2020, including once BEFORE the pandemic became official. Now, nearly everyone I know has had Covid. Some have died, some have been very sick and some still have the after effects, but many have survived and have ventured out again on planes, trains, ships and automobiles with confidence that it isn’t so bad. Looking at the millions of people who died or who were hospitalized, I can’t agree completely with that assessment. As someone with diabetes who is prone to bronchitis, I’m more susceptible, so I have taken the recommended precautions, most of which were good practices to begin with (such as washing my hands as soon as I come into the house). Yesterday I was treated for my macular degeneration and the retina place no longer requires patients and staff to wear masks. I wore mine anyway, as I do practically any place I need to be. I finally stopped wearing one to basketball games halfway through the season. I sincerely hope the worst is behind us. I know one thing for sure: No one will ever think of these times as “the good old days.”

February 2023 Movies & More

All of the programs here are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 as the top rating. Those marked with an asterisk are new to me. Numbering picks up from previous months. 

16.  Capturing the Killer Nurse* (2023, Netflix) – Most of the action in his intriguing documentary takes place in my hometown of Somerville, NJ, at the local hospital, then known as Somerset Medical Center. Charles Cullen was known by his colleagues to be an excellent nurse, but when people turned up dead on his watch, a few folks began to have suspicions about him. Nurse Amy, his most ardent defender, was sure he had nothing to do with the fatalities – until evidence of lethal injections was discovered. SMC was not the only place where these events had occurred, but management at the hospitals where Cullen previously worked did not feel they had enough evidence to accuse him. This is a fascinating story about a man who chose nursing as a way of helping people and then took it on himself to hasten their deaths. 3½ cans.
17. 80 for Brady* (2023, at the movies) – It is a pretty safe bet that the accomplished actresses headlining the cast of this comedy – Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Sally Field and Rita Moreno – will not be adding new awards to their trophy cases for this movie. But that’s OK, because if they wanted to have fun making a movie and working together, they probably accomplished that in this little charmer. The story is simple: Four golden girls who gather to watch football and worship Tom Brady each Sunday during the NFL season decide they want to go to the Super Bowl. Somehow they win a contest and tickets and off they go to Houston for the 2017 game. Hilarity and misadventures ensue. These ladies have won Oscars, Tonys, Grammys and Emmys, so let’s enjoy them as they enjoy doing work for fun for once. The whole thing is not completely made up since it is based on four women who did follow football and adored Brady, but regardless of the story and the outcome, it is an enjoyable day at the movies. 3½ cans.
18. Legend: Bill Russell* (2023, Netflix) – This aptly-named two-part documentary covers the towering achievements of Bill Russell, a man whose storied basketball career is just a part of his life. An 11-time champion as a coach and player for the Boston Celtics of the NBA, Russell was beloved – but couldn’t buy the house he wanted in Boston because he was Black. His career ended in 1969, so he played during a time of overt discrimination, when he and his Black teammates were not allowed in some cities to eat in the same restaurants as the white members of the team. Russell became a civil rights activist, while maintaining his elite basketball skills and success. His battles with Wilt Chamberlain were epic. The debate of who is the goat of basketball – Michael Jordan or new all-time scoring leader LeBron James – should not overlook an important pillar of the game, Bill Russell. 4 basketballs.
19.  Tar* (2022, Peacock) – Lydia Tar is an accomplished orchestra conductor looking to elevate her already notable career with a series of shows, a forthcoming book, lectures and ways designed to celebrate her achievements. But her life is a mess, far from the ordered way she approaches music. She and her wife have a young daughter and work together at a symphony orchestra in Germany, but that doesn’t stop her from flirting with other women, something that will come back to haunt her. This is a troubling look at an artist who is never satisfied with her work, her life and the people in it as she exerts her considerable power over every aspect and person in her universe. It reminded me of much lighter fare, of Meryl Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada,” the story of an impervious, vicious boss of a fashion magazine. Here, without any of the latter film’s comedy, Cate Blanchett brings this fictional character to life in what could be an Oscar-winning performance. 4 cans.
20.  Stolen Youth: Inside the Cult at Sarah Lawrence* (2023, Hulu) – Picture this: you’re a college student at a good school – or any school – and your dad comes to visit after being released from jail and decides to stay, moving into your dorm room and hanging out with all of your friends. I feel like this must have been a bad sitcom at one time, but it is actually a true story with no comedic overtones. Larry Ray is a manipulative, charismatic and deplorable man who gets these bright students to believe that bad things have happened to them in their past and only he can save them. For 10 years he ran every aspect of the lives of these young people, who willingly accepted him as their leader without realizing that they were in a cult. This 3-part documentary on Hulu is made even more credible because Larry taped EVERYTHING, so viewers can see and hear how he tormented these young people, alienating them from their families and breaking them down. I felt so bad for them, as they were convinced only he could save them. He’s in prison now for the next 60 years on a variety of charges, and I can’t help but wonder if his victims will ever truly get their lives back. Here’s just another example of truth being stranger than fiction. 4 cans.
21.  The Whale* (2022, Montgomery Cinema) – There are some movies that are hard to watch, and this one falls into that category. Charlie (Brendan Fraser) is a morbidly obese recluse who is eating himself to death, saved only by female friend Liz (Hong Chau), a nurse who helps him make it through many incidents (he refuses to go to the hospital). He is an intelligent, well-read online college instructor who refuses to use his image online for his students to see. He has an ex-wife and 17-year-old daughter who hate him for abandoning the family (it’s way more complicated than that) and keeps getting visits from a young missionary determined to share literature from a religious organization to help people save themselves. But does Charlie want to be saved? Does Charlie want to live or is he literally eating himself to death? Can he be saved? What about his life is worth saving himself for? Only reading an essay on Moby Dick seems to bring him comfort while he grabs his chest in pain, waiting for the end to come (several times in the course of the movie). In his case, Charlie IS the whale, a massive man who appears beached on his couch, unable to get up or move around without assistive devices. The director (Darren Aronofsky) makes sure we draw that parallel by showing Charlie at his worst whenever possible. I kept thinking that this movie seemed like a play since the action is confined to Charlie’s dark, dismal apartment; later I read that it was written first as a play. This is a grim drama with little humor or poignancy, both of which are provided by Charlie himself. Don’t be surprised if Fraser takes home the Oscar. 4 cans, mostly for Fraser’s remarkable performance.
22.  Sharper* (2023, Apple TV+) – I spent the first 30 minutes of this movie wondering when something was going to happen and the rest of the movie saying to myself, “what is happening here?” Who’s conning whom? This is a stylish and suspenseful mystery where there really aren’t “good guys” in the traditional sense, and by the last third of the movie, I wasn’t sure how this was going to end with all the twists and turns. It will keep you guessing. Julianne Moore is terrific and this is the first time I have seen Sebastian Stan, who was also excellent. If you’re paying for Apple TV and looking for something to make that subscription worthwhile, check this one out. Sharper is rarely dull. 4 cans.
23.  Empire of Light* (2022, HBO) – The always reliable Olivia Colman plays theater employee Hilary, a lonely woman willing to do whatever is needed at the cinema in a coastal English town where she works. Doing anything includes having passionless sex with her married boss (Colin Firth). The theater is dying, as are Hilary’s hopes for a better life. Then along comes young Stephen (Micheal Ward), an eager employee whom Hilary takes under her wing – among other places. As a Black man, Micheal faces constant harassment from skinheads and others when he is out in public. Only his budding relationship with the much older Hilary and his developing love for the theater bring him comfort. Stephen is beaten up physically, but Hilary is beaten up mentally, coping with the demons that make it difficult for her to improve her status in life or get a new job. This movie is presented with tenderness but it is impossible to escape the loneliness prevalent throughout the film – and isn’t that the point? If you want a really outstanding movie about a theater, watch “Cinema Paradiso” instead. 3½ film reels.
24. Sometimes When We Touch* (2023, Paramount TV+) – OK, admit it – you have danced your way through Abba’s “Dancing Queen,” sung “Maneater” along with Hall & Oates, and sung “Hello” with Lionel Ritchie. Welcome to Soft Rock, a music genre that followed girl groups and pure rock in the 70s and was ignored and left for dead by the rise of the videos of MTV – where video almost DID kill the radio star. This three-part documentary tracks the rise, fall and resurrection of the genre, from the Captain & Tennille (who didn’t really like each other) to Air Supply to Ambrosia to Michael McDonald. Many of the artists in the soft rock genre have had long and very successful careers in music, outlasting punk rock and grunge while continuing to deliver sometime cheesy songs about love and loss. The Carpenters were an early success here with the incredible voice of Karen Carpenter and the musical genius of her brother Richard establishing the duo with hits like “We’ve Only Just Begun.” So take a trip down musical memory lane and enjoy some of the groups that even rappers and hip hop artists admit they loved (and sampled in their own music). 3½ cans.
25.  Somebody I Used to Know* (2023, Prime Video) – Ally (Alison Brie, who co-wrote) returns to the town she left and the boyfriend she left behind when she headed to Hollywood to do a “reality” TV series. Now the series has been canceled and she’s headed home, wondering what her ex Sean (Jay Ellis) has been up to in the years since she chose her career over him. Sean’s been busy – now planning his imminent wedding to Cassidy (Kiersey Clemons), who reminds Ally of how carefree she used to be. Ally is friendly but passive aggressive, interfering with the wedding in order to win Sean back while pretending she likes Cassidy and is happy for Sean. The rom-com has slipped in stature with this annoying look at relationships. Will they get back together? Will Sean marry Cassidy? I’m not sure you really will care by the end of this movie. I didn’t. 2 cans.
26.  The Murdaugh Murders: A Southern Scandal* (2023, Netflix) – This three-part documentary delves into the events resulting in the death of a South Carolina teenager at the hands of one of her friends, Paul Murdaugh, who was inebriated to the point that he could not safely drive his boat, crashing into a bridge abutment. The Murdaugh Family, headed by his father Alec, ran a powerful law firm and instantly plotted a way to get Paul off from the charges against him. But that’s not all, and I won’t reveal more details in case you haven’t been tracking the other part of this case on the news. I felt sorry for Paul’s friends, who recognized that he was drunk but couldn’t wrest away control of the boat that he crashed. Most of them will be scarred psychologically for life – but there’s so much more to see. I’m sure that this series will turn out to have a sequel or at least more episodes to wrap up the rest of the story, which you would not believe if you didn’t know it was true. 4 cans.

February Funnies

I just read a report about a bank robbery in my town. The alleged thief was tracked down in the cab he used for a ride. Huh? A well-marked taxi is probably not a good choice for a getaway car. My friend suggested he needed the money to pay for the cab.

If I eat Pepperidge Farm Goldfish for lunch, can I claim it was seafood?

Oh, how I love a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice!

Can someone please tell the residents of my senior community that it is OK to drive faster than 10 MPH in the development? Thank you.

I have been following an exercise series called “Easy Fitness Over 50” online and on YouTube. The exercises are designed for older people – like me! – to improve their core strength, fitness and mobility and they require no special equipment to do. So far, I have seen no improvement. I guess just watching isn’t enough. I need get off the recliner and actually do the exercises!

My HP printer must be British. It lists my print options as black & white or “colour.”

You make an appointment with the doctor and you get an email message directing you to sign on to the practice’s portal, where you will find a message that simply thanks you for making the appointment. You are directed to the portal for your test results and to order refills on your prescription. With all those capabilities, why did I have to fill out a paper form at my cataract surgeon’s office that lists my name, SS number, address, meds, etc.? I reminded the receptionist that the doctor operated on me twice in 2022, so surely they must have my information. Nope, you have to fill out the form anyway. Then she said that if I need refraction, I had to sign that I would pay for it. Show of hands, do you know what that means? I didn’t and told her. (It is when they make you look through the lens machine and say whether you can see better with A or B. Who knew?) PS, I didn’t need refraction and my insurance would have covered it if I had needed it. But filling out the form – including the many prescriptions I take daily – was a pain!

You know you are too impatient if you can’t wait for the soft close cabinet doors to close.

We can all stop feeling guilty about not having homes as neat and well-organized as home expert and author Marie Kondo, who promoted her advice to get rid of things that don’t “spark joy” in your home. She now admits that with 3 kids, even her home gets messy. Of course, her idea of messy and my idea of messy are probably not the same. I wonder if she found 5 potato peelers in her gadget drawer like I did. Truthfully, none of them sparked joy!

With all of the technology used in our world and in sports, why do football official still use a chain to measure 10 yards for a first down? Shouldn’t there be lasers that could do that?

I watched the Super Bowl (sorry, Eagles fans) and was waiting for the sheer excitement of the halftime show with Rhianna. But instead, I was a nervous wreck watching her on that giant floating platform and trying to see if she was secured by a harness so she wouldn’t fall and die in front of 110 million people. Then I was distracted by what turned out to be – as I suspected – a baby bump! Was she, wasn’t she pregnant (she was and is)? So maybe that’s why the performance lacked energy. She tired!

I’m not a devotee of Super Bowl commercials, but a few stood out for me this year. I particularly liked Bradley Cooper in a pink T-Mobile shirt cracking up with his mother and I loved JLo finding hubby Ben Affleck working at the drive-in window at Dunkin’ Donuts and telling him to “grab me a glazed.” I especially did not like or appreciate the spots promoting Jesus (“He gets us”) and Scientology. On the Jesus ones, I don’t have a comment on content, but a question about how much good could be done with the money spent on making the commercial and airing it if it were used to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, help the homeless. Isn’t that what Jesus would do?

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel that all toilets should be high ones and all bathrooms should have grab bars near the toilet and in the shower. Yes, I am officially OLD!

I have the absolute luxury of being able to declare a “reading day,” a time when the TV is off, my phone is put aside, and I dive into what I hope is a juicy and rewarding book. I don’t like reading for short periods before bed because I comprehend content better in larger chunks. I realize what a gift this is, with no distractions and the ability to spend a solid block of time reading. I am very fortunate indeed.

Speaking of reading, my reading glasses broke the other day in the middle of a Zoom call. Luckily, I had a spare pair, but then I decided I needed a back-up for the back-up pair, so I checked for reading glasses on Amazon. That evening I ordered a set of 6 pairs, all different colored frames, all one prescription, with blue light blocking, for $16 (free shipping). The pair that broke cost me $32 – for ONE PAIR!  The new set of 6 pairs arrived less than 24 hours later. I would not have been able to get to Walmart or CVS to look for a new pair that fast. That service is absolutely amazing and I’m wearing them now.

Tom Brady retired (again) from football. Or is this just a plug for his new movie, “80 for Brady?” He retired this year on the same date he retired last year – when he still had a wife and kids living with him. Sure, he’s the G.O.A.T. (Greatest of All-Time), but he lost his family because he wanted to hang out with a bunch of sweaty guys in a locker room for another year. And before we start a Go Fund Me for #12, be aware that he signed a $375 million, 10-year contract with Fox Sports to broadcast NFL games. Much respect but go for real this time.

On a cold, nasty, miserable day, I want to crawl into the clothes dryer, get warm, come out shrunken in size and with no wrinkles. 

When you lose an earring, what do you do with the one remaining? Keep it around out of respect for its departed companion? This doesn’t often happen to me, but when it does, I’m at a loss – so to speak.

Dear Boar’s Head – Just so you know, I won’t be going to my local supermarket and demanding Boar’s Head products from the deli. Your products are fine – no better or worse than other brands of deli meats and cheeses – but do you think that I either work for you in marketing or that my asking ShopRite to switch from Black Bear or whatever brand they use is going to make them change their provisions purchasing? Are you willing to compensate me for marketing your products? Not too thin on the turkey, OK?

I feel sorry for the men I see in ShopRite, following their wives around, not even getting to push the cart, no less to make the decisions on what to buy. They look Zombie-like, having given up on their freedom and their time. Good luck, guys.

I have been going to the indoor pool in my active senior community. After my workout, I sit in the sauna and dry off. I’ve never been in a sauna without thinking, “Man, this is HOT!” And now, instead of just smelling like the pool chemicals, I also carry the odor of smoking wood.

As I pass the gym in our clubhouse and see all of the white-haired people working out, I always wonder if these are the same people who worked so hard to get out of gym class in high school. Thankfully, no horrendous gym suits are required. Remember them? The gym teacher cared more about whether your gym suit was ironed than the actual gym class.

The best new thing I have bought in months is a shower head with a hand sprayer that attaches to the base magnetically. When it is attached, it functions as a regular showerhead, but I can easily reach it to detach and use it as a hand sprayer to clean the shower doors. And I cannot reach much, so this is perfect for me.

The news is that Bed Bath & Beyond is closing many of its stores and headed to bankruptcy. What am I supposed to do with my collection of those enormous coupons I have hoarded for years? I guess Marie Kondo would say I can ditch them since they no longer bring me joy. In fact, they bring me sorrow, because I loved wandering around BB&B, checking out the towels and bed coverings and finding things that were definitely BEYOND (like margarita mix). I still haven't recovered from the loss of Lord & Taylor. This is a tough one.