October Offerings

1.    We should throw out those big eyecharts that hang on the wall of the optometrist’s office. Instead, let’s hand out the tiny instruction sheets that come with our electronic devices. I truly didn’t think fonts that small existed or could be printed. And since instructions are not all that intuitive and the buttons on the devices are as hard to see as the “manual,” I needed my trusty old magnifying glass to figure out how to charge and pair my new ear buds with my phone. If these documents were used to test our eyes, we would have a more accurate measurement of our sight! And have you resorted yet to taking a picture of something and enlarging it so you could read it? Last week I needed to replace a light bulb, but the markings on the old bulb were so hard to see that I had to take pictures and blow them up so I could identify the right bulb.
2.    I wish I could cook half as well as the chefs who get chopped on “Chopped.”
3.    I have about a zillion T-shirts in my collection and I have to restrain myself from buying more. But it is hard to resist when I see one that reads, “I’m really cold but I am trying to be brave.” Or “The day they handed out patience I left because it was taking too long.” Tempting!
4.    A real test of patience is when you send a text message to someone and can see that the recipient is typing a reply. How long will this take, you wonder? Is this going to be “Gone with the Wind” when you’re done? Come on, already, let’s see that reply!
5.    My sister is retired but she has so many appointments (doctors, physical therapy, etc., like the rest of us), that she says she takes a “personal day” every now and then and intentionally does not schedule anything!
6.    I know there is a lot of concern about artificial intelligence taking over. Until then, I am and will remain a devotee of Chat GPT. I use it often and am astounded by how quickly I receive a detailed response to whatever my question is. I prefer reading the directions it provides to watching a 10-minute YouTube video that I have to rewind and rewatch to understand. And it sure answers me so fast! 
7.    This time of year, NFL football is back on TV. Every Sunday, my mother would change the channel to CBS at 7 PM to watch “60 Minutes” and would be annoyed when the 4 PM game was still in progress, delaying her show. “Again with the football?” was her outcry. If you knew my mother, you can imagine her saying just that.
8.    Lately I have been awakening from my frequent afternoon naps not knowing where I am and thinking that I am supposed to be doing something (other than napping). I don’t think the naps are that long or the sleep that deep, but if I can’t immediately figure out where I am, maybe they are deeper than I thought.
9.    Why don’t road crews work on their projects during the summer, when traffic is lighter? You want to change the traffic lights? Do it when there’s less traffic! The main road through Hillsborough was blocked the other day practically in front of the high school, making it hard for buses, passenger cars and emergency vehicles to use the road without having to take a detour. In my next life, I want to be an engineer and figure out how to design more efficient roadways, parking lots, and even walking paths. And speaking of work for engineers, my sister has a drain in her backyard that the township recently added after years of her complaining about running and standing water in the part of her backyard that belongs to the township. They said they would put stones around it for drainage. So, what did they do? They covered the drain with stones, so now it can’t drain. And wait until it freezes in the winter. Do we civilians have to do everything? What are our tax dollars used for? I should have been an engineer!
10.    I’m tired of being so short. I can’t reach a light bulb even on a step stool to change it. Items above the first shelf in the kitchen cabinets are beyond my reach. Practically every pair of pants I buy has to be altered. It might be easier to have my legs lengthened! Now that it is the fall, with the sun rising early, I can’t see out of the windshield of the car because I’m too short for the visor to block the sun from blinding me. I need a phone book to sit on. Do we still publish phone books? Actually, I have a cushion that I will try.
11.    The speed limit in my “active adult community” is 25 MPH. But there are constant complaints about speeders – many of whom drive for FedEx or Amazon. I will concede that I see them zip by my house. But, as for the residents, I see more people here driving way BELOW the speed limit, not exceeding it. Too often I am stuck behind someone driving 12 miles an hour. Let’s not EXCEED the limit, but can we at least get close to it?
12.    I just saw a study that said that people who consume chocolate frequently are smarter and hotter than those who don’t. I have many friends who are willing to take part in any follow-up studies. Science, baby, science!
13.    In my travels to a new area (for me), I noticed a road marked “Search Road.” Imagine looking for that online. 
14.    My driveway was sealed recently and I was not allowed to drive or park on it for a few days. Just to be sure, well after the recommended waiting period, I paused the car in the street until the garage door was fully opened and then zoomed the car up the driveway so my wheels never stayed in one spot long enough to cause a dent or dip. It’s a good thing that my brakes work well or I might have overshot the garage and ended up with the car in the house.
15.    I went to ShopRite to pick up a few things. I popped my trunk and grabbed my shopping bags. I was halfway to the store when I realized I was carrying my gym bag with my wet bathing suit instead of my shopping bags. Duh!
16.    I’m really glad we don’t get graded in my aqua dance class. I can imagine the comments on my report card: Lacks musicality; has trouble learning the correct steps; needs help distinguishing her right from her left…My leg goes forward when it is supposed to go back, especially if we are doing something with our arms as well as our legs. I have a new respect for the ”Dancing With the Stars” contestants. How can they learn to do all of those steps and the routine to music while wearing heels and fancy costumes? I just hope I don’t fall over in the pool!
17.    With all of this aqua dance experience, I feel qualified to be a judge on “Dancing With the Stars.” Instead, earlier this week the show had sportscaster Joe Buck sit on the judging panel, largely because ESPN has the rights to the Super Bowl broadcast this year and he will be doing the game. The theme of the night was Super Bowl halftime music. It isn’t that Joe Buck did a bad job judging, but after watching every episode of every season, I would have done a great job critiquing the performances (watch your posture and those heel leads)! PS – I’m still willing and available.
18.    I finally stopped watching “Survivor” after 50 seasons! I had enough of the backstabbing, the lying, the challenges that had keys to unlock puzzle pieces, etc. I’m done, and I don’t miss it a bit. The “Amazing Race” is still on my viewing schedule, but I’m happy I “survived” 50 seasons of Jeff Probst and his dimples. It was nice while it lasted.