Still Wondering

1.    I wish I could sleep as soundly at 3 AM as I sleep at 3 PM!
2.    Recently, in the middle of the night (since I am up at 3 AM, as you know), I saw a commercial for “The Prayer Clock.” Every hour on the hour the stentorian tones of James Earl Jones’ voice read one of 12 passages from the New Testament to inspire listeners. The round wall clock background is described as depicting “Jesus in a contemplative pose.” The clock is available from Amazon and QVC for about $20. Certainly, I am not the intended audience for this gift but maybe people like the idea of praying every hour on the hour. I just think hearing James Earl Jones, who was always thought of as “the voice of God,” would startle me. Please don’t put one of these things on my holiday gift list!
3.    Buffalo mozzarella. Buffalo wings. Buffalo plaid – Does anything here have anything to do with each other or with the city of Buffalo?
4.    Are those yummy Hawaiian sweet rolls actually from Hawaii?
5.    Why do we call the people who clear tables in restaurants “bus boys?” What does that job have to do with transportation?
6.    The other day I found on the supermarket shelf a package of chocolate sandwich cookies from the ShopRite brand Bowl & Basket that touts itself as “the original chocolate sandwich cookie.” I think Oreos would be offended by such hyperbole! I wish Nabisco were still around to dispute that claim.
7.    Basketball season is again underway and I am thrilled to be back in my happy place – Jersey Mike’s Arena – watching my favorite team – Rutgers Women’s Basketball. Equally thrilling is that six months after my left knee replacement, I am able to walk down to my 3rd row seats and back up again. That was the goal I conveyed to my surgeon and my physical therapist when I had the surgery and began my rehab. Am I winning any races on the steps? No. Can I always walk normally? Not exactly, but I expect to do just that by the end of the season in March. I’m never going to be James Cagney dancing down the staircase as composer and song-and-dance man George M. Cohan in “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” but I am definitely better than I was a year ago, when my knee first started to bother me. That’s what I call progress!
8.    The other day I put on a nice, warm, comfy sweatshirt that a friend bought for me in Hawaii years ago. I can’t help but wonder why there are big, warm sweatshirts available in a tropical climate. No complaints, mind you, but why?
9.    My new car, a 2025 Mercedes 350E that I named Victoria, is super friendly. She greets me by name when I get in the car and she automatically adjusts my seat. When I am using route guidance, she never gets mad or annoyed if I don’t follow her instructions exactly. We have come a long way since Garmin GPS devices practically yelled at you for disregarding their directions. Remember hearing that tone of disgust when they would say “Recalculating?” Once my Garmin finally gave up and just told me to stay on the road since I ignored her commands to get back on Route 287!
10.    One thing I don’t appreciate is Victoria’s desire to be in on the conversation. When someone else is riding with me and we are chatting, she will say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that,” as if she is supposed to be part of the discussion. Sorry, Victoria, but we will let you in on the chat when we need you! The one thing the car lacks is a way to automatically shut the door, which is massive. The seats are automatically adjusted when I enter the car, and I can open and close the trunk remotely, but I have to strain to close the door. How about it, Mercedes? Can you give a short girl a hand?
11.    Math is not my strong suit. But I defy any math prodigy or expert to understand the food offerings and prices on Applebee’s “2 for $25” menu. You can order this, but you can’t order that…I’ll have a burger, please, and I will pay full price because I am just too confused. 
12.    I’m amused by people who cruise the parking lot at the gym looking for the space closest to the entrance. We ARE here to exercise, aren’t we?
13.    I would pay someone to sort out the tangle of wires underneath my desk leading to the computer, the router, the printer and the accessories. What a mess! I can’t get down on my new, surgical knee, and I’m afraid to unplug something anyway. Any suggestions?
14.    I used to be cool. I subscribed to Rolling Stone and knew or owned a good percentage of the most popular music. I can still sing the entire Motown catalog, and I know every girl group of the 60s. I was up on the news and tuned into the cultural zeitgeist. And then I turned 75. Remember when we were in school and our teachers all seemed like they had personal memories of the Civil War, because they were THAT old? Today I am older than they were then. I live in an “active adult” community for people over 55 and trust me when I say these people are WAY over 55. My cool factor would dominate this crowd, but it has diminished just being in their presence. I was born when Harry Truman was the President and the US was fighting the Korean War. I have lived through 14 presidents and the addition of two states – Alaska and Hawaii. I graduated from high school and attended college during the Vietnam war. I saw the first man land on the moon. I was alive before there were car seats and seat belts. And still, I thought I was pretty cool, until People magazine anointed actor Jonathan Bailey the “Sexist Man Alive,” and I didn’t know who he is. And, as if that weren’t deflating enough, I don’t know or understand the meaning of and excitement over the word of the year, “SIX SEVEN.” I’m writing it out because if I use the numbers, you might think of it as sixty-seven. And what is all the hype about? I looked it up and STILL don’t get it. I’m pretty sure this fact extinguishes any of the cool factor that previously existed for me. And even more telling, most of you who read this blog also don’t know what 6-7 means, unless you have grandchildren to keep you in the know. I lament the passing of my coolness, such as it was, as I barrel into this last segment of life. I envy those people who are older than I am and have no signs of losing their cool – like Cher. She will always be my hero, performing on stage at 78 and not taking any crap from anyone. Now, THAT’S cool!