Odds & Ends

The really big news this month was the engagement of my nephew and his girlfriend in Chicago, where they live. He is my only blood nephew and I am his only – and certainly favorite – aunt. He works in logistics for Amazon, and he had the surprise proposal well planned, complete with itineraries and even a map with circles on it to pinpoint locations. He did it privately, but his fiancé’s sister captured it on video. The entire soundtrack consists of the sister crying. The bride-to-be was crying, too, through her laughter and joy, along with my nephew. Afterwards, he was smiling, laughing, crying and sweating. He looked so completely happy – and relieved, not that she said yes, but that he pulled off a mission on the order of D-Day. The D here is for “diamond.” Mazel Tov, my man!

All Rise! Yankee outfielder Aaron Judge is now the all-time home run king of the American League after belting his 62nd, breaking Roger Maris’ 61-year-old mark of 61 in 1961. I love the symmetry! Judge seems like a very calm, modest guy with no demonstrative swag, who is probably relieved and happy to claim that crown in his free agent year. If he leaves the Yankees for another team, well, we will always have 62 to celebrate!

I read something recently that said it is OK to split an infinitive (i.e., to SIMPLY split an infinitive…), which brings me a small measure of relief and just a bit less guilt on the rare occasions when it makes sense to me to do that. And most of you have no idea what I am talking about. Oh, is it acceptable now to end a sentence with a preposition, you ask? Hmmm.

I’m not a coffee drinker or a pumpkin-spice-in-everything kind of person, so the flavor of the season is lost on me. However, I salute Hefty for producing a special line of garbage bags – limited edition—which have the pumpkin-spice fragrance. I guess you could say that that makes “scents.”

I makes me sad to see prices in the now incorrectly named Dollar Store increase to $1.25 or more, but I did note that you can buy fake blood there, should that be on your shopping list. I forgot to check the price.

I tried to make myself a special dinner, but I let the chicken cook too long and the sauce became more of a glaze, which would have been fine but there wasn’t enough of it, and, let’s face it, I would have been Chopped if this whole episode had been on TV.

I get mad at myself for a lot of things, but I really get annoyed when I find a stray tissue in the laundry. I put the wet stuff in the dryer and there is tissue everywhere. And there is NO ONE to blame but me!

Here’s how you can tell that it is fall, beyond the obvious signs of the leaves turning color:
•    The Food Network shows all feature items with pumpkin spice and run programs on Halloween (making scary cakes), Thanksgiving and holiday baking.
•    I stop wiggling around in bed looking for the coolest spot on the sheets and instead go back to wearing socks to sleep.
•    I stop buying things to grill and start looking for sales on pot roast for the crock pot or Instant Pot.
•    I have the air conditioning on one day and the heat on the next day.
•    And, of course, there is an ice cream ban in my house until next spring and I start hauling out the soup recipes. I know, I know…

My paprika and cinnamon are a little too close to each other in the spice cabinet. One of these days I am going to have a real surprise in my French toast. This is also true of my mouthwash and cleaning containers. I really don’t want to splash bleach in my mouth.

Alex Trebek hosted "Jeopardy" for 36 years, and before that, the daytime version, hosted by Art Fleming, aired for 10 years. Two years after Alex's death, the show is still going strong and expanding into new versions, such as "Celebrity Jeopardy." The common factor here is the appearance of the name of the game's creator, Merv Griffin, every night. What a legacy!

The people responsible for the constant barrage of commercials and emails about poisoned water at Camp Lejeune ought to stop the ads and instead give the money to the victims. I know, they are trying to alert the potential victims, but they are annoying me!

Just wondering: Why are there SUPERintendents when there are no intendents? Doesn’t the term imply that SUPERS are superior to regular intendents – which don’t exist?

My car and I are both closing in on 72. The car just hit 71,200 and I turn 72 in October. I think I’ll hit 72 first since I’m still not driving very much!

I am happy to report that several months after cataract surgery I am again able to drive at night. My eyes are far from perfect for this task, but the halos around lights are drastically diminished. My goal was to be able to drive to night basketball games, and, with my improved vision and the fact that the car knows the way on autopilot, I’m good to go for the season, which begins on mid-November.

In my gym bag I still carry and use a towel that my mother bought me when I went to college – in 1968! Does that make me frugal, practical or just plain cheap? Please discuss – and be kind!

While I was having a manicure, I couldn’t help noticing the wrinkled skin on my hands and arms and now I understand why Jane Seymour is hawking that cream for “crepey skin” in those informercials in the middle of the night. Send a vat or two my way, Dr. Quinn!

When getting a manicure, the toughest decision is selecting the nail color. I brought an old bottle of dried-up polish with me because I always liked the shade and figured I could match it up with something at the nail salon. The bottle was so old that it had a Caldor price tag on it! And then I wrote down OPI C89 on my calendar so I could remember what I chose. I would have taken a picture of the bottle but I didn’t want to ruin my manicure!

Finally, who is in charge of naming colors, both for nails, paint, crayons, etc.? Sexy red, midnight blush, proud plum – I could make this stuff up. I wonder if there are any openings…

My dermatologist recommended a special powder to be used in a problem area and told me that it is hard to find it in the store. I found it on Amazon when I got home, ordered it and the next day it was waiting on my porch. I couldn’t have made it to CVS and back that fast!

You know all those calls you make to customer service that have a warning that says, “This call may be recorded?” Are they actually recorded? Really? And who is listening to these calls? That would be a pretty dull but doable job. I’d do it from home for the extra $$$. It can’t be that hard.

Why do we take things “with a grain of salt?” Why not a grain of rice? Or a grain of sand?

I’m trying the REAL ID process again next month. I plan to show up on the designated day and time, not two months ahead of schedule as I did the first time!

Someone asked me recently if I had ever bought clothes at Costco. Oh, hell, yeah! They have great workout pants and I have some nicer ones of that ilk that I wear on airplanes. I have also bought t-shirts with a NJ seal on them on the NJ Turnpike and sweatpants and sweatshirts at ShopRite. Kohl’s is looking a little high fashion now to me!

During the depths of the pandemic, when sports were largely closed down, I saw that ESPN programming was covering cornhole tournaments. That looks like a sport that even I could do. Tossing a beanbag into a hole? How hard could that be? Now, despite a plethora of sports available for your viewing pleasure, ESPN is televising an event that I’m sure I could never do: The World Excel Championships. Picture a bunch of Excel experts in the Battle of the Spreadsheets! They compete in 30-minute, head-to-head battles of specific task completion, testing Excel skills, math prowess and God only knows what else. Who’s ready to throw their hat in the Excel ring?

Last month I spent some time extolling the athletic feats of Serena Williams, perhaps the greatest tennis player ever, though you could make a good argument for Roger Federer. Like Serena, Federer has announced his retirement from the tennis tour after a stellar career. Few players have conducted themselves with the class and grace of the magnificent champion Federer. After his final match, playing doubles with archrival and good friend Rafa Nadal, Federer broke down and wept openly. I think Nadal wept almost as much. Pictures of them hugging and then sitting and holding hands will stay in my mind forever. No grunting, not sweating, no swearing, just elegant movement and deadly strokes, Federer is one champion who set a standard all future champions should aspire to achieve. Thank you, Roger.

Word of advice – you have a turn signal. Please use it. And don’t pull into the right lane if you are turning left.

I can’t stand when I allow someone to get into my lane and don’t get that little nod or wave or smile of gratitude or any acknowledgment. People, are we no longer civilized?

Unless you have a disability, you should return your cart to the cart area rather than leave it in the middle of the parking lot.

If you are going to pay by check at the supermarket, please have your checkbook ready, as well as your store loyalty card. The lady in front of me the other day not only did that, but she had to find her credit card to pay. THEN she started bagging. The cashier was done ringing up my order and she was still packing! I managed to work around her. I hope she’s home by now.

Believe me when I tell you that you do NOT have to REPLY ALL to let everyone you agree with someone’s email. There’s another waste of my time. 

And stop reporting on your Wordle results on Facebook. There’s another good reason to withdraw from social media.

Wow, somebody’s grumpy today!