Mid-Month Miscellany

What makes us think a straw can break a camel’s back? They look sturdier than that to me.

It is hard not to be judgmental when so many people around me are just wrong.

One of the best things about living in NJ (and yes, there are a few great things – the Shore, Jersey corn, not having to pump your own gas) is the Jersey tomato. We are spoiled by the fresh, luscious, red tomatoes of the summer, but that also means that we cannot tolerate orange, mealy tomatoes from the supermarket or served in a restaurant out of season. If I order something with tomatoes, whether it be a salad or a tomato on my burger, I expect a delicious piece of fruit – especially in season. If you grow tomatoes, they all come at once late in the summer, and then you end up giving them away because you have too many. When that happens, just call me. I’ll gladly benefit from your crop!

Alert the news media – I opened the package of Tide Pods today without scissors for the first time. I don’t understand how these things pose a danger to children unless the package is left wide open and in easy reach, because I can’t open them! And I can barely reach the shelf where I store them.

I’m SO TIRED that I considered going to the movies just so I could take a nap, but I thought “Top Gun” might be too loud for me to sleep through. Besides, I can put on a movie here and fall asleep for free! Anything on the Smithsonian Channel usually does the trick for me.

Could somebody PLEASE beat Bobby Flay? Contestants come on his Food Network program and challenge him to make their own specialty – sometimes something he has never heard of – and he ends up beating them at their own game!

Remember when a gallon of ice cream was actually a gallon of ice cream? My container says it is a quart and a pint, a far cry from a gallon. And they have the audacity to list the servings per container as nine. Who gets nine servings out of that tiny tub? 

Why is it that I like root beer and birch beer but not beer beer?

I had leftovers for dinner tonight, one of my favorite meals. I love leftovers; they are an instant replay of something either I made or bought and enjoyed the first night and I can eat them without the mess I made cooking something the previous night. I don’t understand the rejection of good food that only needs to be reheated (yes, Barbara Broggi, you know who I mean).

Speaking of making a mess while cooking, I have a rule that that I won’t cook on the day when the cleaning service comes. The kitchen looks so clean and pristine once they are done that it is a shame to cook and mess up the stove all over again. So, on cleaning day, give me leftovers, a bowl of cereal or a tuna sandwich – on a paper plate! And bring on the leftovers!

My idea of gardening is to go to the garden center, buy plants and call Pedro, my landscaper, to plant them. I stay clean, the garden looks lovely and Pedro makes money. That’s a WIN-WIN-WIN in my book!

As I was addressing an envelope recently, it occurred to me that the 9-digit Zip code has never really taken off – at least for those of us writing addresses on cards and letters. Sure, you see it on bills and official correspondence, but for the rest of us, it was as universally ignored as the metric system.

If you can’t remember when we used to have to lick postage stamps, then you are probably too young to be my friend.

If you have a friend to whom you can say, “Remember that place we went and we saw that guy…?” and the person not only knows what you are talking about but can fill in the blanks, hold on to that person. As the Simon & Garfunkel song says, “Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you.

Every time I open the double doors of the refrigerator at the same time, I am reminded of Loretta Young entering a room. And if you are old enough to get that reference, you are old indeed!

I never knew what “crepey” skin was until I caught an infomercial with actress Jane Seymour explaining it (and hawking some cream to treat it). Great, now I need to fix a problem I didn’t know I had.

At my recent pedicure I was appalled at the amount of hair I missed when I shaved my legs prior to the appointment. I guess I need better lighting and my glasses in the shower. And yes to the question, "Do you still shave your legs?"

One of my more senior aqua aerobics ladies took a Facebook quiz recently that asked: “What is the oldest thing in your house?” Her response: “Me!” She’s 85.

Please be on the lookout for an errant gray sock. One managed to escape its mesh-bag prison and is now reported missing. His partner is inconsolable. I may have forgotten to fully close the zipper on the bag, leading to this possible tragedy. Ok, Ok, it WAS me. The sock didn’t slip out on its own now, did it? But it was NOT intentional on my part. If you see it, there is no reward beyond relief and happiness by me and the other sock that stayed behind. UPDATE: The sock has been found and reunited with its partner. Oh, happy day!

Why do I torture myself by watching “American Idol?” Now that the contestants can again appear on stage instead of performing on their back porches with a ring light, and with the number of really talented performers selected for the competition, I had high hopes. Not that the winner lacks talent – the young man can sing, even if I can hardly understand a word – but he is devoid of personality and charisma. On the finale, he was wearing a suit for just the second time in his life. And now he will be performing out on the road, following the path of such forgettable champions as Kris Allen, Philip Phillips, and others whose names I actually have forgotten. He has the potential to be eaten alive by show business. The woman he beat will go on to a very successful career as a performer who can sing, write her own songs, play guitar and command a stage. She should have won. America – you blew it.

Since we live in the age of online communications, why do I still feel inundated by paper? Recently I brought my estimated taxes file from 2008 to the UPS store to be shredded along with tons of other stuff I no longer need or want, some of which is now in the pile for recycling. My own shredder would have taken forever and gotten overheated had I done the shredding at home.

A dear old friend was cleaning out her house recently and came across a letter I wrote to her in 1986. I was flattered that she kept it for so long and that it was still special and meaningful to her. I’m equally flattered that she has kept me that long as a friend, but, in reality, we go back to the fall of 1969, when she showed up in my dorm room at Douglass looking for hangers. Who knew that would lead to a friendship of 50+ years? And I don’t even think I gave her the hangers.

I just celebrated my 50th college reunion, which happened on the same weekend as the 100th Anniversary of the creation of the Associate Alumnae of Douglass College by the initial graduating class in 1922. And all of the members of the Class of 1972 will turn 72 this year. That’s a lot of numerical coincidences! It was great to see classmates at the Reunion, to be inducted into the Vanguard Society for all alumnae who graduated at least 50 years ago, and to march into the Chapel with other milestone classes and hear everyone cheering. And we topped that experience with the AADC’s 100th Anniversary Gala. I served as the emcee, charged with making people laugh and moving things along. There were about 350 people on hand to celebrate, and most of us had not seen each other because of the pandemic since 2019 or even longer. Everyone was all glammed up and looking their best, to the point where I didn’t even recognize some of them initially! There were people with canes on the dance floor, and our oldest guest was 101! I’m thrilled to have been a part of such a memorable occasion with so many of my alumnae sisters and friends. But let’s not do this again next year. I’m bushed!