Random Thoughts - Holiday Edition

Here is how I can tell that it is really winter (no matter what the calendar says):  The ice cream stand on Hamilton street is boarded up, I’m turning on the seat heater in the car to toast my tush, I have plugged in and filled my humidifier and I’m heating my towels in my towel warmer.

There must be scientific evidence that the colder it is outside, the greater chance you have of seeing some brave (translation: stupid) person wearing shorts outside.  Mostly guys.  Why?  Why?

I like to think of myself as having a considerable knowledge of popular music, so it pains me to admit that while I like the music of the Doobie Brothers, I have never understood one word of the lyrics as sung by Michael McDonald.  Is it just me?

That’s it!  I have had enough of socks trying to escape from the dryer!  From now on, they will be held captive in my new $2, perfectly-sized mesh bag from Walmart, where they will remain until they can be washed AND dried and returned back to the drawers where they belong without incident.  I got you now, you sneaky socks!

And speaking of socks, I don’t want to say that I am indecisive, but there are some days when it takes me 10 minutes to figure out which socks to wear.  Today I went through my four (that’s right, 4) sock drawers to resort the collection.  What nearly 70-year-old woman owns this many socks?  No wonder I can’t decide.  I might be better off having a full collection of exactly the same socks so there would be no decision to make.

I find that my clothes dryer buzzes at me in a very belligerent tone.  I may be taking it a bit too personally, but it is so persistent that I feel it is accusing me of neglect if I don’t extricate the load immediately.

Speaking of dryers, I recently saw an ad for a Dyson hair dryer that cost $399.99.  Four hundred dollars to dry my hair?  For that money, I want a professional hairdresser to come to my house with the dryer and style my hair so I look $400 better than if I did it myself!

Can you believe it has been 20 years since we were all in a panic, worried about the impending doom that we faced with Y2K?  OMG, such hype!  Luckily, nothing came of it besides endless meetings to discuss how all computer systems would crash and burn.  20 years!

Who decided how we are supposed to capitalize titles?  Why use upper case in “Gone” but not in “with the?”  Why not just initial cap each word and make it easier for everyone? Oh, right, this is English, and we never make anything nice and easy.

With all of the technological advancements we have seen in our time, including streaming video, why can’t SOMEONE invent a better way to search on Netflix?  We need a way to replace the little arrow that we have to use to point at letters that are too small to see on the TV, one letter at a time.  And even if we can say (shouting and enunciating like mad) the name of the program we are looking for, chances are that what we say won’t be understood.  Who’s our best person to work on this issue?

The other day I woke up nauseous, dizzy, sleepy, dopey and grumpy. I’m just a few dwarfs short of a full set.

Have you ever noticed how many times a book is described as a “page turner?”  If I were an author, I think I would publish under the pseudonym Page Turner.

I heard recently that Bumble Bee Tuna has filed for bankruptcy.  Trust me, I have consumed enough of their tuna to keep them afloat for the last nearly 70 years.  If Bumble Bee Solid White Fancy is no longer available, I will never eat tuna again!  Meanwhile, I will be binge-buying and hoarding.

Speaking of which, how did I let my current stash get down to only ONE package?  I refuse to buy it at ShopRite when Walmart sells exactly the same brand in the same size for 50 cents less than other stores.  So, off to Walmart I go to restock! (PS – I bought a dozen packages this weekend.)

Living vicariously is so much easier than having your own life.  No plane tickets to order, no packing, no waiting in the airport and you can just enjoy someone else’s pictures without having to go and take them yourself.

It amazes me how I can look for something and be absolutely sure I know where to find it and it is simply not there.  And then I go back and check again and there it is, right where it was supposed to be.  How does it disappear and then reappear when I go back?  Magic?

I hate to admit it, but I missed my Alexa when I was away recently.  No one to talk to about the weather or the correct time, no one to give me sports scores.  I’m pretty sure she missed me, too.

Of all the things that have come and gone in my life, I have to say that those plastic 4- packs of Del Monte cling peaches in light syrup and Finesse Volumizing Shampoo are at the top of my list.  I have had to order the shampoo online lately, but my last experience was a failure since the 3rd party supplier shipped me two huge bottles of Suave Softening Shampoo instead.  I had to call to find out this company doesn’t carry my preferred Finesse and maybe should have let me know instead of arbitrarily deciding that Suave was the same.  I also wanted to return the Suave but was told to keep it.  Look for it at the local food bank.

I love a diner.  Huge menu, plenty of choices, enormous servings, and, while I rarely succumb, they offer chocolate cream pie.  But a small, local diner is especially good.  As I sat at mine recently, I watched “the regulars” come in and the waitresses immediately show up with coffee.  The place is so small and yet so busy that the wait staff, bus boys and cooks are all in a space about half the size of my office.  Service is fast and turnover is frequent.  Good food, good people.  You get what you expect with the local diner.

I don’t understand how the Dollar Store can sell Hallmark cards for $1.  Sometimes they are two for $1.  They are still Hallmark cards.  Is the paper thinner, are the designs less colorful?  What makes them such a bargain?  Not that I mind NOT spending close to $5 on a birthday card, but I just don’t get it.

At this time 13 years ago, I was preparing to retire from J&J after 34 years spent in Corporate Communications.  I can’t believe 13 years has passed by so quickly.  I also can’t believe that a few Johnson & Johnson pens that managed to leave the office along with me are still in working order.  They took a licking and kept on ticking!  And so did I!