September Message from Tina -- Shouldering the Pain

I’m glad I don’t have to return to school this month and answer that age-old question, “How was your summer?”  Because, for the most part, mine was pretty bad, full of pain and angst as I prepped for, underwent and recovered from surgery.  And here’s why there was no Randomthoughtsbytina blog posting in August and why you haven’t heard or seen much of me on social media or in person for a while, which maybe went unnoticed.

At the beginning of August, after 6 months of physical therapy that only minimally improved the condition of my aching shoulder, and two cortisone shots that came up short, I underwent rotator cuff surgery.  Things could be far worse, I know.  After all, I went through colon cancer nearly 20 years ago, and my shoulder was something that could be fixed.

The surgery was to done repair a full rotator cuff tear, a partial tear, a bone spur and a calcium deposit in my right shoulder.  Naturally, I am right-handed.  The doctor assured me he could address these issues arthroscopically, just going in to “clean things up,” which sounds to me like cleaning the kitchen counters, only it isn’t.  Medical procedures always seem to be no big deal when the doctors describe them, but they aren’t the ones who can’t get dressed, sleep in a bed, brush their teeth or comb their hair for weeks afterwards.  My doctor is pretty laid back.  I asked him how long it would be until I could drive again.  He told me I could drive whenever I felt like I could do it.  Three weeks after the surgery, I resumed driving, but only to physical therapy and to ShopRite (which probably missed me more than any of you).  I’m still not ready to tackle driving around the Somerville Circle, or, God forbid, parallel park – which I didn’t do well BEFORE the surgery.  Just reaching back to connect the seatbelt hurts, so I move the seat all the way back to attach it and then move all the way up so I can reach the pedals.  

I really thought this whole process through in advance.  I decided to have surgery during the summer, when I wouldn’t have to wear jackets, coats, sweatshirts, etc. – or slip on the ice of winter – and when I could lounge around in shorts and t-shirts while recovering.  I knew getting dressed would be painful, and I was right.  I just stayed in the same clothes – day and night – for the first 3 days!  I prepped for my recuperation by buying sleeveless tops with buttons or others that I could pull on easily over my neck; it took me two weeks just to wear SHORT sleeves. 

Forget about sleeping in a bed.  I can’t sleep on the shoulder, and even if I prop up my arm to keep it supported, I am afraid I will roll over and hurt myself.  Luckily, I have several recliners, but only one has electric controls on the left side, and since I couldn’t move my right arm much, that became my bed during my recuperation.  After two weeks I was able to move the lever on the recliner in my bedroom, so I graduated from sleeping in the family room to at least sleeping NEAR my bed.  One day I sat in a different recliner in the family room and I couldn’t get out.  I thought I’d have to call 911 and request the jaws of life to extricate me.  

I was worried (justifiably, it turns out) about using my left hand in situations where my right hand has always taken control, which includes anything in the bathroom.  I didn’t realize how very right-handed I was until I couldn’t use it.  Just reaching for a light switch caused me pain.  Brushing my teeth left-handed was an adventure, even with my electric toothbrush.  I’ll refrain from sharing other details.

I made a few good choices, the best of which was scheduling this surgery in the summer and getting my hair cut short.  I couldn’t shower for a week, and after a month I still can’t raise my right arm enough to dry my hair properly, so I lower my head to reach the dryer.  I assumed I wouldn’t be able to lift the cover on my grill, so I figured that making pasta and meatloaf ahead of time and freezing single portions would be better than pouring cereal directly down my throat or confining myself to tuna fish right out of the package.  I can’t cut much of anything and my left hand holds a fork like a two-year old.  

In my usual zeal and attention to detail, I tried to anticipate and address every issue I could think of to prepare for my recuperation.  I bought detergent pods so I could do laundry without having to pour liquid from heavy bottles. I use a “grabber” to fish my socks out of the bottom of the washing machine one-handed.  I even bought a new tube of toothpaste because I figured it would be easier to squeeze with one hand.

I now own every kind of ice pack on the market, some that stick to body parts and others that drape over my shoulder.  There are more ice packs in my freezer than actual food.  I stocked up on bottled water and toilet paper, so I should not need to ask people to stop at the supermarket for these basics, just fresh fruit and real food.  My neighbors, friends and sister have been extremely helpful, but, being fiercely independent and living on my own for more than 40 years, I hate asking anyone for help.  

I prepped by watching videos about the operation itself. I viewed medical illustrations to better understand the shoulder structure and how it would be fixed, and I checked out videos made by patients who had gone through the same surgery.  Those videos informed me of what I would be facing and also scared me!

Since typing was painful even before the surgery, I gladly took a much-needed break from social media.  I can’t type well with my left hand, and although I can speak into my phone, the mistakes that result from that drive me crazy.  I informed everyone who has come to expect an almost instant response from me that I would not be spending time in front of the computer.  In recovery, if I am on my computer any length of time with my arm is at a certain angle, I have to hook myself up to the heating pad to relieve the pain.  

I patiently waited to binge the last season of “Orange is the New Black” so I could savor it while I healed.  I also found a bunch of other binge-worthy programs that weren’t too taxing on my mind, since I can’t concentrate because of the pain.  I washed and dried every bit of laundry I could find, changed my sheets (kind of a waste of time), addressed birthday cards for later in the month, prepaid bills, put a vacation “out-of-office” message on my email and caught up on as much as I could.  

Oh, and did I mention that now my left shoulder is bothering me?  All that extra effort is wearing on it.  And I am dealing with plantar fasciitis in BOTH feet, which limits my ability to walk.  Walking barefoot is out completely.  Now I am wrapping my feet with Ace bandages and wearing the old orthotics I wore years ago when I went through this condition last time. 

So now I go to physical therapy four times a week, twice for my shoulder and twice for my feet.  I am massaged by my physical “terrorist,” I do my exercises and get treated with heat or ice as well as electrical stimulation on both feet and the right shoulder.  I hope I don’t get electrocuted or that the place doesn’t catch on fire!  I went to PT the other day and showed off my latest accomplishment:  I can now wave my right arm!  I have made progress, both from going to PT and from doing my exercises at home.  You can find me walking around the house, shrugging my shoulders and swinging my arm.  

When I hear about athletes who come back from this surgery and return to throwing touchdowns or pitching 95-mile-an-hour fastballs, I am more amazed than inspired.  This surgery is painful.  The recuperation is NO JOKE!  I wear a sling when I go out, but it pulls on my neck and cramps my repaired shoulder and arm.  I’m scared to be jostled or bumped or that some well-meaning person will want to give me a big bear hug.  I totally understand why star Colts quarterback Andrew Luck retired, saying he was tired of being caught in a cycle of injury, pain and rehab.  In my case, at least big defensive linemen are not trying to knock me over!  I watched Rafael Nadal play in the U.S. Open with pure jealousy over his fit and beautiful shoulders (I have three tiny holes in mine).  I’ll be happy to be able to hang my clothes in the closet with my right arm.  I can’t wait to be able to sleep in my bed and use my camera.  I had better be recovered in time to see my precious Rutgers Women’s Basketball team take the court in November!

I feel like one of those road signs that read: “Temporary inconvenience, permanent improvement.”  At least I hope so.