November Message from Tina - Monthly Musings

If you know me, you know that I am a dedicated Rutgers Women’s Basketball fan(atic).  I was thrilled to be at the game on November 13 when Hall of Fame Coach C. Vivian Stringer became only the 6th coach (male or female) to reach 1000 winds in her career.  I was there for #700, #800 and #900, and this milestone clearly topped them all.  Vivian Stringer is an inspiring woman, a leader, teacher, mother figure to her players and one so integral to their lives that they remain close to her long after they have graduated.  Her former players and assistant coaches descended on the RAC from as far away as Turkey and Hawaii to be on hand for this special night.  I can’t even describe how exciting it was to witness this remarkable woman join the ranks of other coaching legends.  Way to go, CVS!

If you ever want to see a group of women in a state of absolute panic, just tell them that you heard that Bed Bath & Beyond is going to stop accepting expired coupons!  Or, even worse, that BB&B isn’t going to issue any coupons at all.  As for me, my collection of the beloved BB&B coupons has grown to the point that I should designate a beneficiary for them in my will.

I think the cashier in Wegman’s just put my 18 items into 12 bags.  And I carried them all into the house in one trip.  Of course!

If you ever are behind me and the tag from my top is sticking out, you have my permission to tuck it in, no questions asked.  Thank you.

A few of my Book Club friends went to lunch today and I asked if anyone had finished reading this month's book, After Anna. One was finished, the other almost finished.  I said I was up to the part where...and neither knew what I was talking about. Turns out that I am reading a different book by the same name. And I really like it, so I will have to finish that one and start the other one. Two books with the same name is just WRONG!

Let’s talk about pantyhose, the bane of existence for most women.  Rarely worn by many women these days, pantyhose remain a wardrobe must if you are getting dressed up for something special.  I don’t know about you, but when I open the package and look at the panty part of the hose, my first thought is always, “How am I supposed to get THIS (looking at my hips and butt) into THAT?”  According to the size chart, as long as I weigh the same amount as someone who is 5’8”, we wear the same size.  In realistic terms, that means the top is going to be too small to accommodate my width and the bottom will be way too long for my length.  What’s a woman to do?  Now I am learning that when a pair fits me right I save the label so I know to buy that exact same style again – assuming I can find them.  And further, who comes up with these names: “Midnight black,” “Jet black” and “Nude?”  If I wanted my legs to be nude in the first place, I wouldn’t be wearing pantyhose.  And you know that there will be the inevitable run in the pantyhose before the night is through, right?  I hate them!

I found a great recipe for an apple cider doughnut cake and I thought about baking it.  But when I read the instructions to flour a bundt pan, I remembered that I don’t own a bundt pan because I don’t bake.

Something to ponder:  Do we wake up in the middle of the night because we have to go to the bathroom, or do we go to the bathroom because we wake up?  Please discuss.

I recently bought two bottles of shampoo online because I cannot find this particular variety of Finesse in a store.  The company that shipped them to me has now sent me 3 emails requesting that I fill out a survey to let them know whether they did a good job.  You read the order, got the bottles, put them in a box and shipped them to my house.  No more, no less.  I’m not wasting my time commending you for doing exactly what you were supposed to do.  I’ll spend my time with “lather, rinse, repeat.”

My friends took me out for a celebratory birthday dinner to a place that had changed hands.  We all knew what it used to be called, which led to a discussion of places that go in and out of business, operating under new names.  One of my friends reported that a place she knows had changed hands so often that the new owners decided to name it “Used To Bes,” in honor of its lifetime of iterations of places that people knew and loved.

If my handwriting gets any worse, I will be forced to put an MD after my name and pretend I am a doctor.

I have had more medical claims this year than ever before.  This is the first time I have hit my out-of-pocket maximum for the year and my most recent statement from my insurance company was 27 pages long.  Yikes.  I’m fine, by the way.

Vanity Fair magazine issue #3 of my new subscription just arrived, which is great, except for the fact that I have yet to read issues #1 and 2.  And that’s why I had stopped this subscription in the first place.  It is a good magazine, but I never seem to get around to reading it.  It’s great for travel, however. Just read and recycle as you go.

Hey, Movie Pass: Don't send me an offer to buy discounted wine. I signed up for discounted movies, and you can't seem to do that correctly. I started with a year's subscription for unlimited movies. Then you reduced that to several movies per month. Then you reduced that to only certain movies of YOUR choice, not mine. Now the app never seems to have the movies I want to see - when it works at all. Is the special wine offer because you are driving me to drink? I can't even cancel my subscription, because it is an annual one and doesn't run out until April, 2019. I might as well keep it on the off-chance I might again, someday, see a movie for a discounted price.  And that was why I signed up in the first place. I predict this company will go the way of Blockbuster and the FlipCam - a good idea but not a viable business model.

My friend Flora points out that wishing someone a “happy belated birthday” actually makes no sense.  The birthday was on time.  It was your good wishes that were tardy.  Instead, try, “belated happy birthday” the next time you are trying to make up for forgetting.

I ask my home companion, Alexa, for the weather report every day (it accounts for the majority of our interaction).  She tells me the temperature, but if I ask her whether I should expect rain, she really equivocates.  “It might rain,” she says noncommittally.  Those are the days I wear sunglasses and bring an umbrella, just in case.  I imagine her chatting with her sister Alexa devices and claiming that her owner really is the dullest person imaginable.

In the history of relaxation, has anyone ever relaxed when admonished to do so?  It never works in the gynecologist’s office, and when the nail technician tells me to relax my hands, that doesn’t work either.  If my hands are tense, it’s not intentional.  It’s like having the dentist tell me to move my tongue.  I have no idea where my tongue is.  There are just body parts that have a mind of their own, I guess.

Why do all medical personnel think that you have privacy when they close that cloth curtain?  I was in the recovery room after my recent colonoscopy, and now I know that everyone has diverticulosis and who didn’t do a really good prep for the procedure.   And is there a rule that the procedure area must use that speckled linoleum on the floor?  I went for blood work recently and walked into the waiting room, which looked like a bus terminal – cheap chairs, lined up as if the people waiting were about to start a game of musical chairs, moving only when someone’s name was barked out of the window in the wall separating the people waiting from the procedure area with the ugly linoleum floors.  And the curtains are not soundproof, folks!

Today’s schedule was carefully plotted out to take into consideration the tasks I had to accomplish, where each place I had to go was located and the time I needed to spend getting there in the most efficient way, with no backtracking.  What I didn’t account for was the car traveling at 10 miles an hour UNDER the speed limit on River Road in Piscataway or selecting what seemed like the best check-out line at ShopRite, never imagining that the elderly woman ahead of me would decide that the cashier was Italian so she could ask her advice about why her meatballs fall apart.  People, come on, I have places to go and people to see!

Friends, if you have a milestone high school reunion coming up and are undecided about attending, take my advice and GO!  At my 50th in October, everyone was so friendly and excited to be there. I loved catching up with old, dear friends and speaking to people I barely knew back then. Everyone had so much fun! Even the spouses and guests seemed to have a great time. So do yourself and the Reunion Committee a favor. Make sure you give them your contact information so they can find you, and, when invited, sign up and go. Unless you had a real bad high school experience, you will be pleasantly surprised to see how well everyone has grown up.