Thinking Out Loud

You know what jobs do well in any economy?  Sign makers and printers.  How many different names has your bank had?  The local hospital?  Somebody has to design these new logos and have the signs and advertising material done.  The banks alone could keep them in business.

These days, it seems you cannot just go to the doctor.  They force you to go online and complete questionnaires, confirm appointments and view test results.  And yet, when you arrive for the confirmed appointment, having listed all of your current medications and ailments, they ask you anyway.  Who is looking at all of this stuff?  Is anyone looking?  I recently had a colonoscopy, and I had to email a photo of the results from my last trip to the bathroom (I’m trying to say this delicately) to the surgical center prior to my arrival.  First of all, it turned out NOT to be my last trip, but who knew that would happen?  And who looked at it?  No one said, “Hey, thanks for the pictures from your recent visit.  Everything came out so clear!”  If you are having a bad day at work, remember, your job may feel shitty sometimes, but at least you don’t have to look at other people’s pictures of actual…You get the idea.

Truth:  Once you remove something from the box, you will NEVER get it back in the box the same way again.

Everything lasts forever if you don’t use it.  Conversely, nothing works the way it is supposed to if you don’t use it.  Take skin cream, for example.  My hands get cracked and dry, so the dermatologist told me to apply it right after I wash my hands.  But since I fail to follow those instructions religiously, my hands will remain dry and the samples she gave me will last forever.

Bananas have strings.  Corn has strings (silks).  Both are oblong.  Coincidence?  Related?  Discuss.

I live in fear that I will mix up the Aspercreme for my sore back with my toothpaste.  That would be an interesting experience.

Do you walk into a room or open a drawer and HOPE you remember why? Sure you do!

I keep seeing Tom Selleck in commercials for reverse mortgages.  His eyebrows are so dark and big that they distract me from what he is saying.  All I can think of is Groucho Marx.

Here’s something I just learned:  The inspection station (here in New Jersey) just checks your emissions these days.  No more watching anxiously while they slam on your brakes; no more checking your headlights and brights.  Not that I miss the long wait and time spent there, but I have to admit that previously I felt a little safer knowing these things were being checked.  The upside is that I was in and out in about five minutes.  And I passed.

I love technology, but this 3D printing thing has me totally confused.  People are designing and printing everything from body parts to guns to houses!  I keep thinking of paper mache, something that will fall apart if it gets wet.  I guess my regular HP printer won’t do the job.  If you are printing a gun, do you also print the bullets?  Today I saw a spine being created via 3D.  All I know is that if I started printing something, I would either run out of paper or I would get a message that my printer cartridge was getting low and I should replace it with genuine HP parts!

Because I was up, showered and dressed at 7 AM on the day my new file cabinet was to be delivered, and because I cancelled all of my plans to stay home for the delivery, and because I stayed in my office all day so I could keep an eye out for the delivery truck pulling into the driveway, nothing was delivered.  When I finally got the tracking information and called, I was told I would have to “make an appointment” for the delivery.  My response was, “And when were you going to let me know that?”  So, on the appointed day, I was up and dressed at 7 AM and watching the driveway to see if the delivery that was scheduled between 7 AM and 1 PM actually happened.  You KNOW that if I went out for 10 minutes, even to the back yard, the truck would pull up and then disappear forever.  In the words of the late, great Sylvia Gordon, “I spend half my life waiting for these people to show up.”  OK, not exactly half, but you know what we mean!  PS – It arrived, all 100+ pounds of it, dropped in the middle of my office for me to unwrap and put in place – with my sore, aching back.  Done.  When I am determined to do something, there is no stopping me.

A recent episode of the TV show “Younger” was sponsored in part by AARP.  Am I the right demographic?  I guess so.

The importance of having a compelling title and good cover art for a book is probably more critical now than ever.  So many people (including me) now buy their books online (thank you, Amazon) rather than go to a physical bookstore where they can pick up the book and read the jacket synopsis.  Online merchandising means the publisher has to come up with something that grabs your attention or you will scroll right by it.  The problem with reading a book on my Kindle is that I forget the name of what I am reading.  With a printed book, you have the title in front of you at all times, but reading on the Kindle sometimes forces me to go to the home screen to remind me of what I am reading.  Or, it could just be that I am getting old(er) and more forgetful.

I would have much more time to read if I didn’t have to keep up with the book recommendations sent to me every damn day by Book Bub. 

When it comes to Weight Watchers, when I’m good I am very, very good, but when I’m bad, it better not be on the day before the weigh-in.

Unless you are going into a field that requires extensive knowledge of math, here’s all you really need to know: How to calculate the tip on the dinner bill and divide among all of your friends (which you can do on your phone); how much 25% off is at a Macy’s One Day Sale; how ShopRite figures I saved $16.72 when I didn’t even use a coupon; and how much Kohl’s owes YOU when you buy something on clearance, on sale and you have the 30% off coupon.  I know people who have walked out the door with money after buying things on sale.  That’s pretty much it for your math needs.

My scale recently just decided to display my weight in kilograms, which I must admit is a much friendlier number than its equivalent in pounds.  I found the switch and changed it back.  Reluctantly.

I have to question the productivity in the workplace these days when I see so much online activity by people who I know have jobs…

I don’t mind going to the dermatologist.  First, thankfully, I have had no skin cancer or other skin issues that needed more care than applying moisturizer.  Second, she’s the only doctor who doesn’t make me get on the scale.  And finally, she tells me my skin is really good.  It never seems that way to me, but she IS the professional here, so I bow to her opinion.

I’m starting to feel like my own personal Help Desk.  Last week I set up my new computer and transferred my files all by myself.  Then I found a program that shreds files and installed it on my oldest computer, wiped out most of the programs and finally was able to remove the hard drive after many unsuccessful attempts.  I also managed to extricate the CPU, rendering the old computer useless.  And just to be sure, I smashed the hard drive and CPU with a hammer.  Of course, I realize that a 10-year-old could reassemble in minutes what it took me hours to accomplish.  But I am proud that I could handle my own technology issues. 

One more computer thing:  One of my requirements for this new computer was that it had to have a 17” touch screen.  Wow, was THAT the right choice!  I can enlarge the screen in any application, which makes it so much easier on my eyes.  No more squinting to read my email!

There is a day coming in my future that I have dreaded for years.  I know it is inevitable, but I won’t be relieved when it gets here.  I’ll just resign myself to it.  It is the day when I come to grips with a jar that I cannot open.  I don’t give up easily.  I have gadgets, grit, determination – and less hand strength than I used to have.  There’s no one here to ask for help, so I will battle to prevail over the jar.  But I know that day is coming, and I’m not happy about it.

Try to be the highlight of somebody’s day.