Bits and Pieces

Can someone explain why we still continue to price gas to the tenth of a cent?  What is the point of that?

Who has a better job than Jimmy Buffett?  He shows up for work barefoot, wearing whatever suits his mood (but no SUITS!), he can be late and no one will complain, and when he arrives on stage, the audience explodes into cheers.  Who among us goes to work and gets that kind of reception?  It’s a nice gig if you can get it.

The ladies of “The Golden Girls” must have had enormous closets to store all of those clothes they wore on the show.  Just the shoulder pads could take up a closet of their own!

One thing I can guarantee you is that the hotter and more humid the weather, the colder it will be in ShopRite.  Today as I wandered around the store in my denim jacket, I was amazed at how many people were wearing tank tops and shorts.  I was freezing, and when I went to buy frozen vegetables, I thought my arm would snap off from the chill!

I am equally sure of this: The colder the weather, the more likely I am to see someone in ShopRite wearing shorts.  I don’t get it.

You know you are watching your weight when you go for an after-dinner walk instead of an after-dinner mint.

I admire those women who can wear a sweater draped over their shoulders without having it slide off.  I can’t even keep bra straps securely placed on my shoulders.  That look is both classy and classic (not the bra one…)

I love Frank Sinatra, but the older he got, the more extraneous lyrics he would throw into a song.  I think that was so he could speak the words and not have to hold the notes, which is sad to hear in the older singers. 

I would like to thank the inventor of the stapler.  Great idea.

Is it just me or do you feel that the staff at the eye doctor’s office is trying to trick you with those questions?  You know, when put those lenses in front of you and ask, “Which is better, one or two?”  I always feel like they aren’t actually changing anything between one and two but just waiting to see if I will say that I see a difference, and I’m worried that I will give the wrong answer.  Maybe it should have been #1?  Does that make sense if I already chose #2?  And then they throw it #3?  Stop!  Personally, I found taking the SATs was less nerve-wracking.

Enough with the surveys!  I just got a request to rate my recent visit to ShopRite.  I went, I bought food and light bulbs, I went home.  Why should I bother to “rate” it?  Enough!

I just caught myself rotating the dinner plates in the cabinets, taking the ones on the bottom and putting them on top of the ones that I just took out of the dishwasher.  I guess I was thinking that they would wear more evenly this way???

At my most recent Book Club meeting, we discussed “The Woman in the Window,” a suspenseful mystery similar to “Rear Window.”  The discussion included the existence of the so-called “red herring” and how many of us fall for these false clues routinely (raising my hand here).  I’m not sure why we call them red herrings, and I don’t eat herring, but I sure do fall for them and I always have.  I first realized this trait (or shortcoming) in myself while watching the old TV series “Mission Impossible” years ago.  The writers lead you down a path that you are sure points directly at the killer, but, then, NO!  It’s not him/her, so we go down the next alley, equally certain THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE and NO, it is not.  I don’t know about you, but I’m ALWAYS FALL for these red herrings!  They sure never fooled “Colombo!”

I did not realize how many cleaning products I had stashed under my kitchen sink until I had to remove everything so the plumber could repair the garbage disposal and unclog the drain.  I was amazed/appalled at both the variety and quantity of cleaners, polishes, glass products, cleansers, etc., tucked away.  Judging by the quantity alone, you would think that I either have the cleanest house in town or the dirtiest (hence the need for so many products).  Some bottles were so full that I couldn’t even combine two of the same products into one container.  And, of course, I am NOT going to ditch anything I can use, so I bought a bunch of plastic bins, sorted everything out, cleaned the cabinet and placed all of the bins neatly under the sink.  Now I know what I have and where it is, even if I have to wonder WHY I thought I needed 4 bottles of floor cleaner.  I know for sure that no package of Fantastik, Scrubbing Bubbles, Windex or any of the 5 varieties of granite cleaners/sealers/polishes will be on my shopping list for at least the next year!  And the cabinet under the sink hasn’t looked this good since I moved in three years – or 30 bottles – ago!

When did greeting cards get so expensive?  There was a time when I would slip money inside a card as a gift.  Now the card is more valuable than the money, and, therefore, the card IS the gift.  Listen, friends, I love you, but do I love you for $7.95?  I’ll have to think about that one.

What happens to men as they age?  Their eyebrows stage some sort of revolt, growing like an untrimmed hedge, usually in white, matching none of the pictures of them at any other stage of life.

The first person who can figure out a way to fasten a seatbelt without messing up a manicure will get my vote for the Nobel Prize.  Not that I have a vote, and not that there IS a Nobel Prize for nails.

I didn’t know whether to be happy or offended when the guy at the nail salon told me he accidently charged me the regular rate for a pedicure instead of the senior rate, which I didn’t know existed and therefore did not request.  So I saved $2, but my pride is just a little wounded…

And speaking of nails, there must be a law that every strip mall MUST have a nail salon.  It used to be that the only people I would see getting a manicure were the women in that Palmolive commercial with Madge the manicurist.  Now, there are women, men, teenagers and little girls getting their nails done.  Gone are the days when Sylvia Gordon would haul out the red polish and get herself all dolled up for a night out at the JCC Hootenanny!

And one LAST comment about the nail salon – I always bring my own polish, just so I have it available for touch-ups.  I have had this same bottle for at least 15 years.  It is a bottomless pit of polish.  I am truly amazed at its longevity!

I have some strange attachment to songs by Gary Lewis and the Playboys.  Remember “This Diamond Ring?” How about “Just My Style,” “Save Your Heart for Me,” “Everybody Loves a Clown” (a reference, I suspect, to his father, comedian Jerry Lewis) and “Count Me In?”  When a Gary Lewis and the Playboys tune comes on the oldies station on the radio, I pay rapt attention.  Yet I never hear anyone say they like this guy and his group or mention any of his tunes.  Just another strange Tina thing, I guess.

What is more annoying than seeing the car ahead of you in the next lane drive for MILES with a turn signal on?  Is he moving over or not?  Do I need to leave him space until I know for sure?  And how is it that he doesn’t hear or see the flashing signal?  Equally annoying are the people who speed ahead in the adjacent lane before a merge into your lane and then expect you to let them in.  In my quest to avoid any possibility of road rage, I give a merging cars plenty of leeway, but the driver keeps going, failing to do the merge until his lane vanishes, when he comes almost crashing into my lane.  And then there are the people who just don’t bother to signal at all to let you know they want to get into your lane.  People, let’s be careful out there.

And speaking of driving leads me into parking, specifically parking decks, which I abhor.  You circle round and round in your quest to find a spot, which is often so tight that you can barely open your door.  Once I was so crammed, I had to get in on the passenger side and climb over the center console to the driver’s seat.  Not a pretty sight!  I can never figure out how the deck is designed so that the up traffic goes up only and down goes down.  Where is the up traffic when you are on the down side?  I need some kind of diagram.

As a movie fan, I find it hard to see anything with the “Weinstein Company” logo on it (out of business now, but I’m talking about older movies here) without cringing, just thinking about that vile man and how he sexually abused scores of women.  Disgusting.  And honestly, I rarely pay to see a Woody Allen movie in the theaters anymore.  I don’t believe is innocence for a minute.  But I do miss “Annie Hall.”

When did the use of the term “You’re welcome” go out of style?  Instead, the response to a simple “Thank you” has become “No problem.”  I really didn’t think it would be a problem for the waiter to bring my order, so when he serves me and I thank him, I don’t expect the response to be that it was no problem.  After all, that’s his job, right?  And apparently it is not a problem for people to hold the door for me, to hand me something I can’t reach (which is MY problem), etc.  I’m just saying “thank you,” and the proper response is “You’re welcome.”  And you are.