I am on the Planning Committee for my 50th high school reunion (Somerville High School - "SHS, We are the best!"), an event that was, logically, 50 years in the making. It's hard to believe 50 years have passed since the last time someone made me wear a "gym suit," one of those awful greenish rompers that we were required to iron and wear while thrusting our unathletic bodies over the pommel horse. Back in those days, there weren't a lot of gymnastic classes around, and gym was the period of the day that most of us DREADED! No one joined gyms and worked out voluntarily. We were destined for lives of sloth. Now people pay good money to do stuff they schemed to get out of doing as teenagers. Maybe we can bring back the scooters and gym mats for a demo at the reunion. Nah, let's not! Just getting out there and dancing to our music will be enough to tucker out my classmates at this advanced age! Anyway, if you happen to be a member of the SHS Class of 1968 or know someone who is, please send me your/their contact information so we can make sure you are ready to rock and roll on October 20th!
I recently bought hairspray that bills itself as “Weather Control Hairspray.” So I went outside and sprayed it around but it is still cold out and I have no control over precipitation.
I had to chuckle to myself while wandering around ShopRite recently, as the music playing on the audio system was U2 singing, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”
Note to self: Dry skin cream works most effectively when you remember to apply it.
I studied French for four years in high school and I never learned any words that would make me say, “Pardon my French.”
In light of the below freezing temperatures we endured for much of January, I have decided to forego shaving my legs so as to have that extra layer of protection against the cold.
I went to put a stamp on the envelope for a birthday card and noticed a little box in the upper right corner that read “postage.” Really? Do people NOT know where to place the stamp on the envelope?
Raise your hand if you have ever used a coupon on the back of the receipt you get from the supermarket. How about a coupon on the placemat at the diner? Me, neither. Those placemats advertise everything from exterminators to mausoleums. There may be a connection there…
Based on the number of paper towels my cleaning woman uses in my house, I’m pretty sure she has a side gig with Bounty.
It turns out that I am not the only person who leaves the top of her washer open to air out after a load. And I am one of those people who wash their washing machines outside and use washer cleaner for the inside. Good to know I am not alone in my zest for cleanliness.
Even before I started having vision issues, it seemed to me that it is darker outside than it used to be. I have trouble seeing where the turns are and…holy shit – I AM GETTING OLD. IT ISN’T DARKER, IT’S ME!
You know what is really annoying? When my socks start slipping down into my shoes. Once this process begins, it cannot be stopped. Once I had a mile to walk to get to a nail salon and I must have stopped every 60 seconds to pull one or the other sock back up to its rightful position. I hate when this happens!
Ha! I just thwarted an errant sock from making its escape. It was hiding in the dryer, plotting its move. Gotcha!
I wonder who decided that we couldn’t eat egg shells and banana peels but apple peels were OK. And have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy eating an orange but how much I hate to peel one?
Of course my house has a dishwasher and a garbage disposal, but I rarely use either of them. I do love listening to the disposal grind up the orange peels, however, leaving a wonderful citrus smell to emanate from the sink.
After a recent software update on my phone, I started getting ads that pop up when I try to access an app. And they are proliferating. I couldn’t hang up the phone one day because three of them appeared on my screen, blocking me from the phone app. How utterly annoying is this?
I would like to salute and thank the inventor of the lint brush. Not the inventor of the lint ROLLER, which, let’s face it, any of us could have invented (come on, it’s just sticky stuff with a handle that rolls), but the lint BRUSH uses some kind of fabric that when you run it one way only gathers up all the lint, allowing you to easily remove it from the clothes AND the brush. I don’t know why this matters to me, but it does!
Doesn’t it get you when someone has you over to their house and says, “Don’t mind my house, it’s a mess,” and you know that their “messy” house looks better than yours?
I baked a cake. Let’s alert the media. But here’s why I don’t bake:
1. I can’t afford the calories.
2. If you bake a cake, you can only hope it will come out right since it’s not like you can cut off a piece and try it if you are bringing it to someone’s house or serving it to company.
3. If I bake cookies, I’m going to eat them. Too many of them.
So, I don’t bake. Except for today, when I baked a coffee cake for someone. Did I mention I don’t drink coffee, either?
Saran Wrap is very unfriendly. It just clings to itself and never wants to get involved with others. It’s way too clingy.
Why do hotdogs come in packages of 7 and hotdog rolls come in packages of 8? Please discuss.
Remember the old days when Madge the manicurist in the Palmolive commercials would soak the client’s hands in the soapy dish detergent to soften them up? Now you go into a nail salon (and they are everywhere; there must be a law requiring that every strip mall have one) and you hear the whirring of machines that you recall hearing when you passed your high school’s wood shop. They are sanding and honing fake nails, decorating them with every color under the sun and creating nail art. They are patching and repairing, coating and cutting, doing much more than Madge herself could ever have imagined. It sounds like a machine shop in some salons!
I find myself dictating my messages and e-mails into my phone since I have trouble typing on that miniscule keyboard. I also find myself using vocal inflections, as if my audible inflections will appear as a written emphasis. Not happening! And I don’t understand why the dictation into the phone contains such Random capital letters in Words that don’t Need capitalization!
Remind me not to make something in the crock pot when I am going to be home all day. The food smells are so delicious that I have been hungry all day!
Life never seems to get easier, but it’s all good anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment