Random Thoughts, Thanksgiving Edition

You know you are getting old when you take a survey on-line and you have to scroll WAY down to get to your year of birth.

My good friend Heather suggested I watch an episode of South Park (my first ever) where the boys taunted the Amazon Echo – Alexa – with typical boy-like language and outrageous requests.  My Alexa had to get in on the action, trying to add poop to the shopping list.  On the same episode, characters hosted “White People Renovating Houses,” which aptly describes every show I watch on HGTV.  Thanks for the tip, Heather!

One of my (many) idiosyncrasies is that I cannot set the thermostat in the house or in the car at an odd number.  Don’t ask me why.  It’s just my thing.

Among the things I can’t stand (and the list is quite lengthy) are those hand dryers in the restroom.  Oh, I like the concept of not having to touch anything or wave your hands around like a maniac to coax paper towels out of the dispenser, but some of those fans feel like a jet engine.  I’m afraid the force of the air will blow the ring right off my finger!  And loud?  You can’t hear yourself think!

Here’s a conundrum:  What do you do when the school bus up ahead is stopped and flashing its yellow lights but not moving?  Is someone coming?  Why are the lights not red?  Should I stop and stay stopped waiting for something to happen, even if there is no sign of activity?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

I recently watched the first episode of Ken Burns’ exhaustive (and exhausting) documentary “The Vietnam War” on PBS and I still don’t understand why the US got involved.  I had to have my brother-in-law, the history major in the family, explain it to me, which he did gladly and much more succinctly than Burns’ zillion- part documentary will do.  Still, I respect Burns for his thorough examination of the subjects he tackles, and I hope to slog through the rest of the series.  Stay tuned.  Update:  I stopped watching after the 2nd episode.  It was typical Ken Burns fare – meticulously researched, relayed by experts and people who were there – and too long!  Maybe I’m not ready to relive those trying times. 

Sadly, reading a book has become a guilty pleasure for me.  It is certainly a pleasure to delve into an absorbing book, one that you can’t put down, that you relish and that you are sad to see end.  It is fun to compare notes with friends who have read the same book or to recommend it to those who haven’t read it.  But I always feel guilty, because there is ALWAYS something else I feel I should be doing.  I need to write, read or approve something for the Associate Alumnae of Douglass College, or pay bills, or watch enough movies to justify sending out my reviews every month, or order something I need, or set up a doctor’s appointment – there is ALWAYS something else I feel I should be doing instead of reading.  And that is from a retired person.  I need better time management skills!

You know which industry must be doing well, thanks to Amazon?  The cardboard box industry.  Lord knows I am constantly opening boxes and ripping them apart for recycling.  I’m guessing UPS, FedEx and the USPS are kept busy shipping everything imaginable from Amazon to your door.

Don’t you hate it when you are signing onto your account on line and that dreaded red type comes up to let you know you entered in the wrong password?  Then you go scrambling around, trying to figure out the right one.  Did you change it recently?  Is it your high school mascot’s name?  Your dog’s birthday?  It’s amazing how easy it is for someone to hack into your account when you can’t access it yourself!

For the first time in my adult life I bought Q-Tips.  Real, brand-name Q-Tips.  Not JOHNSON’S Swabs, which I used for the past 45 years but which apparently are no longer part of the Johnson & Johnson family (at least I couldn’t find them).  And God forbid I buy a generic brand.  For years I corrected people who called JOHNSON’S Swabs Q-Tips, reminding them that Q-Tips are a brand name and not made by J&J.  So the irony is now I bought actual Q-Tips – and paid retail – for the very first time.  End of an era.

There should be an Olympic Medal for how many grocery bags you can carry in one trip.  Because NO ONE wants to make 2 trips, no matter how painfully the bags dig into your arms.  One trip, no matter what, is always the goal.

Forget folding fitted sheets.  I have enough trouble folding the flat ones!  That is embarrassing for someone who relishes doing laundry and precisely folds the towels.  Once I broke my ankle and my mother did my laundry.  She folded the towels and put them away in the linen closet while I thanked her profusely.  The minute she left, I stood in front of the linen closet, crutches and all, and refolded every towel.  Please don’t tell her.

When you wake up during the night, do you immediately check the clock and start calculating how many hours are left before you have to wake up?  “If I fall asleep RIGHT NOW, I can get 6 more hours,” you tell yourself, and then the urgency to fall asleep RIGHT NOW makes it impossible to fall asleep.  No one I know sleeps well anymore.

And speaking of sleep, why is it so easy to fall asleep when and where you aren’t supposed to, as opposed to falling asleep at night, in your own bed?

Word to the wise:  Krazy Glue really works.  Avoid getting it on your fingers, because it is TOUGH to get them apart.  I had enough on my hands that I doubt I could have provided a fingerprint if asked.  And here’s a tip:  If you do buy a Krazy Glue-type product, buy the smallest size available.  Chances are the next time you go to use it, you won’t be able to remove the top and you’ll end up throwing it away.  You’re welcome.

Does there have to be a survey on EVERYTHING?  Last month I had blood work done, and before I even got home, Quest Diagnostics had sent me a survey on their service.  No wonder the tech told me her name.  Twice.  As if I would remember…

There is no situation in which time passes more slowly than when I am waiting for my nails to dry at the nail salon.  And it’s not like I can use my phone or read a magazine to pass the time, since I can’t use my hands.  And nothing is FASTER than the mail delivery person in my community.  She whizzes by in her little truck to deposit mail in the box.  I doubt she’s in front of my house for more than 5 seconds.  She ought to be a professional race car driver!

I recently dropped off a few things at the frame store and the guy from the frame store told me he would call me when they were ready to be picked up.  I realized I didn’t even know the name of the guy from the frame store, but then he called me and identified himself as “The Guy from the Frame Store.”  That just made me laugh.

After two years of living in a construction zone at Canal Walk, I am pleased to report that construction in our section of the development is done and the street in from of my house has now been paved.  No more dodging raised manhole covers, dips in the road and slowing down to transition from the lower, unpaved part of the road to the previously paved and higher part.  And this is just in time for the development to install speed bumps to keep the old folks who live here from going over the speed limit.  It seems to me they need to set a minimum limit, because the drivers here are TOO SLOW.  I swear I can spot a CW resident driving on a nearby road OUTSIDE the development just by how s-l-o-w-l-y the car moves.  We don’t need no stinkin’ bumps!  What about when ambulances need to race to a house?  What about snow plows?  But at least the road will be smooth now.

The Junk Drawer.  We all have one, except for those people who have two.  It is typically loaded with extension cords, rubber bands, some batteries that may be either new or old, a pair of scissors, mystery keys that we are afraid to toss out just in case we need them, an errant screw or part that must be important if only we could remember or identify what it is – you know the drill. 

And then there is the button collection.  Is there a legal ruling on how long you are supposed to keep extra buttons?  I think I hold on to mine for longer than I do my tax returns.  I have a big jar of buttons that came with outfits I probably bought decades ago and no longer own, but I still have those buttons.  I have long since discarded the little pieces of thread or yarn that came with the outfit since I have NEVER used any of them, but the buttons?  I just can’t throw them away. 

And although I am afraid you will think I may be starring in the next episode of “Hoarders,” I also hang on to way too many plastic bags.  ShopRite and Kohl’s don’t have as many in stock as I have – you know, just in case I need them.  I use them to line the garbage cans in my bedroom and office, so they are put to good use, but these things take up a lot of space, so I should winnow down the collection.  Right, someday. 

I’m an Android house.  I have a Samsung phone and two tablets (that I rarely use), but I still have – and use – my old iPod, even though I have transitioned by 5500 songs to the Cloud.  But Apple keeps prompting my laptop that there is a new version of iTunes I should download.  I don’t.  I am so far behind, it would be like starting to watch “House of Cards” from the beginning to catch up with the newest version.  (And now that Kevin Spacey has been accused of sexual harassment and abuse, I’ll never watch “House of Cards,” either.)