June Jewels

Why is it SO EASY to find typos in a post, email or text AFTER you send it?

Haven’t we all left enough voice mail messages that we could do without the instructions reminding us to wait after the tone and leave our message?  By now, is there anyone alive who actually needs to know how to leave a message?  I think we all know the drill. 

You know you need to lose weight when your socks feel tight.

Does this happen to you?  You suddenly find a bump or bruise you didn’t know you had, or a cut suddenly appears that you don’t remember happening.  I can never figure out what I did this time to cause a cut or bruise.

You know you are impatient – or overbooked – when you can’t wait for the toaster to pop and you can’t find 30 quiet minutes to use teeth-whitening strips.

How is it that I can wake up at 5 AM and still be late for my 10 AM aqua aerobics class?

True confessions:  As much as I loved the Beatles and Paul was my fave, I really never liked Wings as a band.  Now that Sirius Radio has added the Beatles station to its lineup, that’s all they seem to play.  Maybe more of the credit for all those Lennon-McCartney songs I loved should have gone to John, or maybe it’s just that after the Beatles broke up, I never got over it.  You know, since 1969.

Remember the good old days, when you could buy vitamins without having to read the box for 10 minutes?  Now I have to find the multivitamin-mineral supplement for women over age 50 in the smaller size (that last part is not a necessity but is preferable).  Tell me again the advantages of growing older?

Why is there always that one thread or piece of lint that manages to fend off the powerful suction of the vacuum cleaner and remain affixed to the floor?  You go over it and over it until you finally are forced to bend down and pick it up.  But then, what do you do with it?  You toss it lightly back on the floor to see if NOW the vacuum will suck it up.  God forbid you walk to the trash can and toss it in.

I want a nap more than anything.  And a good, sharp utility knife, one that slices through cardboard like a hot knife through a stick of butter.  #modestgoals

Is there a legal limit on how tired someone can be?  Because I think I may just have exceeded it.

You know you’re getting old when you go to the beach with your friends and someone is either reading AARP Bulletin or telling you about an article she read in it that you just have to see.

Don’t you love those disclaimers for drugs advertised on TV?  “Caution, this product may cause constipation or diarrhea.”  OK, which is it?  And I especially love the line that says, “Do not use drug XYZ if you are allergic to drug XYZ.”  How do you know you are allergic to the drug until you take it?

Passwords: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.  Some call for a minimum number of letters, or some require letters and symbols, and you can’t use what you previously used, and you don’t want to make obvious choices (like your birthday or the name of your pet).  Sometimes you are required to change them every certain number of days/months.  It is SO HARD to remember them all, and you aren’t supposed to write them down where someone would have access to them (although the person who NEEDS access to them is YOU).  Passwords are the bane of modern existence.  That might make a good one: Baneofmodernexi3tense. 

As I walked out of Lowe’s recently, the cashier said to me, “And don’t forget to take our online survey.”  As if I have nothing better to do than to log onto my computer (see above), find the Lowe’s website and take their survey.  Of course, if I had experienced bad customer service or found something to which to object, you can be sure I would have found the time to take the stupid survey and embellish it with a few choice words. 

And speaking of Lowe’s/Home Depot, here’s a story a friend shared with me.  She was in the Garden Center and asked where she could find peat moss.  “I don’t know who Pete Moss is,” the worker answered.  So much for expert gardening help.

If there is a limit on how many HGTV shows one can watch in a single day, I may have exceeded it. This morning I watched a program on bargain lakefront vacation home renovations???  I see more of Chip and Joanna than I see of my family. These HGTV shows are as addictive as a bag of potato chips!

It’s funny how when I lived on Joshua Drive, EVERYONE asked me how to spell it, but no one ever asks how to spell Constitution, the street where I now live.  Really, folks, you couldn’t figure out how to spell Joshua?  How many variations could there be?  It is spelled exactly how it sounds.  I guess I’m relieved that people actually are aware that we have a Constitution in this country and that they can spell the word.  (Well, there may be a citizen on Pennsylvania Avenue who is not familiar with it and probably can’t spell it, either…)

I am fascinated by the popularity of “The Golden Girls” among women much younger than me.  This was an ‘80s show, and one I watched and loved when I was younger (in my 30s), but I would think it would be so dated to the Gen X viewers.  Yet I know so many young people who love it, I assume because of the strong friendships among the women.  It is a classic!

You know you’re losing it when you find the apples stashed in the pantry next to the red potatoes because they look similar.

I love watching “So You Think You Can Dance” with the very talented (and flexible) contestants doing things with their bodies that I cannot imagine trying.  I’d settle for a stint on “So You Think You Can Get Up From the Floor Without Assistance” – if only I actually could.