Random Thoughts for Fall 2016

Every time I even think about leaving the house with the washing machine going, it nosily reminds me not to abandon my post by making one of those sounds like a jet is landing in the laundry room. 

Rainy day, perfect for reading a book, watching a movie or taking a nap?  Why does that so rarely happen?  We are all too damn busy!

It’s tough enough to walk by the Entemann’s display at ShopRite but when the sign reads “Half Off?”  Keep walking, girl.

Since we live in a society dominated by electronic communications, why is it that I still have to contend with so many pieces of paper?

As if this world weren’t scary enough already, now we have the threat of creepy clowns terrorizing towns and schools.  What is going on?

And speaking of creepy, while I loved listening to Casey Kasem and American Top 40 back in the day, I find it a little creepy when the Oldies station replays his AT40 broadcasts from the 1970s, as if he were still behind the microphone – like Cousin Brucie.  Casey’s been gone long enough now, and it is jarring to hear him sound very much alive.

I find it odd that people who swear often say, “Pardon my French.”  What makes them think that the swear word they just said was French?  I took four years of French in high school and, trust me, we never got around to swear words. 

It’s not hard coming up with stuff to include in this blog every month (until now…), but it IS hard to remember it.  If I don’t write it down as soon as it pops into my mind, the cleverest thing can easily be lost.  You know what I mean.  I have actually called myself to leave a voice mail message when I get a sudden inspiration in the car and cannot stop to write it down immediately.  Then I come home and see the message light blinking and I wonder, “Who called?”  Duh.

You know that there is a “weather event” when I have the Weather Channel on my TV.  I think if I saw Jim Cantore on the street, I’d instantly evacuate.  I just don’t get how these people can broadcast through power outages (their own generators, I assume), through blinding snow, furious winds and tidal waves.  And why would they want to?  Some of the information they provide is so detailed and scientific that I don’t know what they are talking about.  But I loved it when they switched to a reporter who simply said, “It’s bad.”  That I understand!

I bought a big digital clock and put it right by the garage door so I could see exactly how late I am when I leave the house.  Like now, when I am writing about my big digital clock instead of leaving on time…

The woman sitting next to me in the nail salon today might just as well have been in a welding shop, judging by the amount of power tools used on her hands.  In the event of a power outage, she would have been left with claws.

Is there anything more BORING than sitting in the nail salon, waiting for your nails to dry?  You can’t pick up a magazine, scratch your nose (well, carefully, I guess) or use your phone – unless you can do that with your chin.  I wish I had more patience.  And while my gel manicure will last several weeks, sitting in the salon soaking my hands in nail polish remover will eventually take so much time that I could write a book.  I can’t do that with my hands in the foul-smelling chemical bath, either.

I passed a sign that read “Kickboxing Class,” and it occurred to me that if the middle letters were missing, that sign would read “Kick Ass.”  OK, so I amuse myself.

The other day I heard the word CONFLATE used twice, by two different people, both done correctly.  I can’t express how thrilled I was!

Somehow I seem to have built up a new tolerance for Neil Diamond.  Where I couldn’t change the station fast enough when any of his songs came on the radio (except “Sweet Caroline,” which everyone loves), now I am much slower to flip to a new station.  Maybe I haven’t built up a tolerance after all.  Maybe my reaction time is just slowing down?  And what’s next?  More tolerance of Lionel Ritchie songs?  Help me!

I recently uploaded a bunch of photos from my phone to Shutterfly, which I have to say was much easier to do than it had been previously.  However, while it is handy that the file information goes with the photo – so I can readily see when and where the picture was taken – I couldn’t help but think this information would be great for forensic investigators trying to confirm a location and date when looking into a crime.  Not that I have committed any.  I guess I just watch too many of those mysteries on the Investigative Discovery Channel.

I would like to offer my congratulations to the clever blue sock who engineered the great escape from today’s laundry.  He leaves behind a jealous and grieving twin and a perplexed owner, who is not yet ready to toss his twin away.

My life is so boring that I actually got excited today when I saw that paper bags WITH HANDLES! are available now in my ShopRite.  All the better for recycling.  Oh, and if that isn’t evidence enough of my boring life, I sorted out my sock drawer.  Just the drawer with the white, athletic socks.  There are separate drawers for the blue, black and other color socks.  I threw away the mismatched socks and the ones about to have holes in the toes.  And you’re reading this, so what does that say about how interesting YOUR life is?

Why do bras and socks come on those little hangers?  I can understand displaying them in the store that way (kind of), but I have no intention of hanging up either item once I get home.  I would need a separate closet just for socks if they all had to be stored on hangers.  See above for more on my socks…

One last note on socks:  There are at least 3 separate areas in my ShopRite where socks are sold, and that doesn't count the section where kids' socks are on sale.  Maybe I'm not the only one with a sock obsession?

I’ve lived in this house for a year now and I still turn the wrong way to hit the light switches.  Or did I already tell you that?

The local car wash charges $7 for a hand wash but only $6 for seniors.  I don’t know whether I should just feel happy that I saved a dollar or if I should also feel offended that they never ask for ID when I say I am a senior.  They are probably trained not to ask, right?

This year’s Yom Kippur fast was a tough challenge for me.  I stayed out of the kitchen for fear that I would absent-mindedly pick up a banana and inadvertently break my fast.  Or that I would just decide to eat before sundown.  I am happy to report that I made it through.  And since my Weight Watchers weigh-in in took place the next day, I’m glad I did. 

I only hope I stick around long enough to outlive the date on the tuna fish in my pantry.  Or my Arborio rice, which doesn’t expire until 2019.  That’s motivation!

A few movie theaters I frequent have replaced their old seats with brand new recliner type seats, making it even more difficult for me to stay awake in the movies.  With the new seats, I don’t even have someone next to me vying for the armrest to keep me awake.

I recently had a reunion of sorts with some former J&J PR colleagues, not all from Corporate.  We really had a great time catching up and talking about the “old days.”  Many of them are still consulting or teaching, and they sure have great lessons to impart.  I am so fortunate to be associated with organizations like the Associate Alumnae of Douglass College, the Community Visiting Nurse Association and with Johnson & Johnson, where intelligent, caring people abound and the standards are so high.  Not everyone has these kinds of experiences.  I’m the lucky one.

And finally, I attended yet another funeral this morning, this time for the mother of a friend.  Each of these experiences reminds me how fragile and fleeting life is, and how we should be grateful to spend it with people we love.  So look around, be thankful for friends and family, and let them know that you love them before it is too late.