Don’t tell me you have a quick question. Really? I don’t believe you. No question is ever quick – or at least the answer generally is not. So just tell me you have a question, and don’t place a time expectation on how long the discussion generated by this question may be. A real quick question is something like, “What time is it?’ Everything else takes longer.
When did solar panels start appearing on street lights? Does this mean that on rainy, cloudy and miserable days the streets will be dark at night?
Don’t you think that Cathy Rigby must be sick of playing Peter Pan by now? Has she done anything else since the Olympics about 40 years ago?
You know you have been friends for a long time when you and your BFF no longer exchange birthday or Christmas gifts and she instead asks you to give her your old newspapers to use in her wood stove.
Skype adds about 10 years to your age. Just look at the image of yourself that you are sending out. Consider yourself warned.
Kids today (and by that, I mean teenagers through 29) cannot walk down the street without gazing at whatever device they have in their hands. I predict more pedestrians being struck by cars in the future since they have earphones in, can’t hear you and don’t look up to cross the street.
I have an obsession with those perfume strips that come in magazines and sale brochures from department stores. I save them and put them in my garbage cans. I just can’t seem to throw them out and have now accumulated so many that they will appear as an item in my will.
I also have another obsession with those postcards and ads that come in magazines. I cannot read a magazine without ripping them out first. It takes all the willpower I can muster not to do it to the magazines in the doctor’s office. Have you seen the stuff they sell on the cards that come in the TV Guide? Who buys this crap anyway?
I believe there is some kind of sock conspiracy happening in my house. I put two socks in the wash and only one ends up dried. Where do they go? Have they banded together prior to submersion to plot an escape? I am imagining one member of the pair urging the other: “Save yourself!” I guess I should buy multiple pairs of the same socks, so if two get lost, the other two can be mated. Am I spending too much time thinking about this subject? Should I get a life?
In order to remember to take something with me when I leave the house, I have to put in front of the door so I would have to trip over it to get out of the house. Tell me I’m not alone in this.
I don’t want to hear anything about the wind chill factor. Let’s face it, if the weathermen are talking about the WCF, it’s COLD out there. What’s the difference if it is 17 degrees with a WCF that makes it feel like 10? It’s still cold.
Did you ever notice that there are so many beautiful babies and cute kids but not nearly so many good-looking adults? What happens? Does cuteness just disappear as we get older and grow big noses and pot bellies? If only people could be adorable for life.
If your kid behaved like the cast of “Jersey Shore” and didn’t get paid for being on a reality TV show, wouldn’t you be appalled at his/her behavior? I wonder if the parents of the Jersey Shore cast think it is great that their kids have good-paying jobs but are secretly ashamed. Or proud.
If you could change one thing about yourself and have one superpower, what would it be? I’d be much taller and able to fly.
I can no longer imagine life without a DVR (I have two). I want to be able to DVR (if I can make a verb out of the noun) my way through life, skipping the boring parts and seeing only the things that interest me. Sometimes I record a program just so I can start watching it 20 minutes in and skip the commercials. I’ll still see the show in the allotted time period, but without having to sit through all the garbage.
As I drive in my car, belting out the soundtrack of my youth, I wonder: Will my nephew be singing the rap songs at 60 that he listened to at 16? What is the new Motown for this generation?
I wonder when man decided to try eating bananas, and how many times the skins were consumed before someone decided just to eat the insides.
The two minutes it takes me to use the electric toothbrush is the longest two minutes of the day – except, perhaps, for waiting for a particular traffic light to change.
If you added up all the Macy’s 1-Day Sales for the year (including the pre-sale preview day), it would probably cover 40% of the year.
Is there ever a day without a sale at Kohl’s?
Why is it that I have trouble sleeping in my big, comfy “Heavenly Bed,” yet put me in a movie theater in the middle of the afternoon and I have to fight to keep my eyes open? This habit is particularly vexing when I go to see a movie with subtitles – or worse, a silent movie. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen often.
Confession: I have never eaten a Clementine. But I plan to try one soon, I swear.
I recently went to a walking class after my Weight Watchers weigh-in. Not that I don’t know how to walk, of course, but following the perpetually upbeat Leslie Sansone on a DVD with a bunch of women for a half an hour seemed like a good idea. In fact, I left the class and went to Costco, where I was so motivated that I bought one of her DVDs. I guess I’ll have to open it and put it in the DVD player to get the full benefit. I plan to do that right after I try a Clementine.
The best part of the NFL playoffs is that now that Denver has lost, perhaps ESPN will stop devoting most of SportsCenter to the exploits of the now-legendary Tim Tebow.
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