Good Friday Bits & Pieces

I wish “skinny jeans” lived up to the promise of their name.

I have succumbed to the current Wordle craze where you have to guess a daily 5-letter word. You get 6 shots at it, and the game tracks how successful you are. I think of it as a brain exercise – the same reason I watch “Jeopardy” and shout out the answers (some right, others so completely wrong). One thing I refuse to do is to bore the rest of the world by posting my score. Why do people think the rest of us care? At this stage, I need to keep my brain sharp. I know the info is in there somewhere, but with layers of useless information clogging the file cabinet of my mind (all of the lyrics for “Along Comes Mary,” for one), it is harder to pop the right answers to the forefront. Maybe this helps?

I get periodic emails from Consumer Reports telling me that I am “eligible” to subscribe. “Eligible?” As in “send us the money and we send you the magazine?” Who would NOT be eligible? Do they think I feel privileged to get this offer? No, thanks.

You know you’re getting old when, following the mandatory medical discussion that takes place every time my friends and I gather, one of the women whips out a blood oxygen-pulse meter from her purse. BTW, I have a great oxygen score. All those years of not smoking was the right choice.

How can the voicemail box at my doctor’s office be full? I called to make an appointment, was bumped to voicemail without any options and could not leave a message. This is unacceptable. I don’t like it when a friend’s voicemail box is full, but not being able to reach my doctor is dangerous.

I no sooner got home from a medical exam when the survey about my visit arrived as a text on my phone. I don’t want to do a survey on my phone, if at all. Send it to my email, where I can deal with it on a full-sized keyboard. 

I wish the doctor spent as much time looking at me and checking me out as her office spends on sending me messages thanking me for making an appointment, telling me how much she is looking forward to seeing me and then, after the appointment, thanking me for showing up. I also don’t need email, text AND voicemail reminders that my appointment is coming up.

I noticed that the doctor’s office now divides pens into two categories – clean & dirty. But the clean ones are right next to the dirty ones, and I’m thinking the germs could mingle. Besides, are the pens labeled as clean actually clean? Who cleans them? How often? Or once that collection is gone, do they just move the so-called dirty ones to the clean pile?

And finally on the subject medical issues, the idea of seeing a doctor virtually when you need to be checked out in person is ridiculous. Mine had me feeling around and looking for things I could not identify. Isn’t that her job as my doctor? 

I found a container of Turkey Hill Ice Cream in ShopRite called “Mystery Flavor.” Does “Dateline” make ice cream?

I can’t believe that my 50th college reunion is coming up in June. I still feel like I am in my 50s (except for the falling apart medical stuff), so how can it be 50 years since I left the hallowed halls of Douglass? I must be having fun because time sure did fly!

I keep seeing promos for the new Kardashians show. Since I never watched one minute of the old show, this is one I’ll skip for sure. But what is the fascination with these people? Do I actually have any friends who watch their shows? Please self-identify so we can have a discussion about what is wrong with you.

Why is it that we can be overwhelmed or underwhelmed but we are never whelmed?

Why is there a South Orange, West Orange, East Orange and Orange in New Jersey but no North Orange? There is also New Brunswick, North Brunswick, East Brunswick and South Brunswick, but no Old Brunswick, West Brunswick or just plain Brunswick.

Why are there superintendents but no intendents? How can supers be better when there is nothing beneath them?

Why do suction cups that have adhered to the wall forever randomly decide they can stick no more and fall off? 

Why is the word “brain” one syllable but the name “Brian” is two syllables?

Don’t you hate biting into a hard-boiled egg and hearing that crunchy sound because you left a tiny piece of the shell on it? 

I was feeling bad that I could not think of the word “jughandle” recently, but then two friends told me that they had to Google the word “romaine” when they couldn’t recall the name of that kind of lettuce, and I felt better.

Remember when we had to check the clock before making a long-distance phone call?  It used to be that calls were cheaper on the weekend and at certain times, so we could call my uncle in California to discuss the weather and what time it is there (do the math, Mom & Dad; it’s always 3 hours earlier in California – and sunny!).

I think Alexa and I are going through a rough patch. I fell asleep watching the men’s NCAA National Championship basketball game and woke up the next morning at 4 AM with the light and TV on, not knowing who won. So, I asked Alexa, “Who won the basketball game between North Carolina and Kansas last night?” She gave me the wrong answer – twice – which I only knew because I turned on ESPN, where I was shocked see Kansas celebrating! Then I asked her the temperature, which she promptly answered. But she neglected to tell me it was raining until I asked her, “Is it raining?” and she said it was. Come on, girl!

Alexa also has a new routine, insisting on telling me not only the weather report in the morning, but also reporting on the traffic for my daily “commute.” I don’t know where she thinks I am going, but I need to break it to her that I am retired, rarely leave the house during rush hour, and don’t know where she is sending me.

I really don’t like using the self-service checkout at the supermarket. The area is too small, I don’t like looking up the code for bananas, I always have a problem in the bagging area, etc. I generally don’t mind waiting in line for a real cashier. But I always seem to be on the line when a new register opens and the people behind me flock there (I would do the same thing), so I’m still stuck waiting. And yes, this should be my biggest life problem.

I was watching a pleasant telecast of the Oscars when a boxing match broke out. Or, more accurately put, when actor Will Smith walked up on stage and smacked comedian Chris Rock in the face for his tasteless joke about Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett, who suffers from alopecia. I think Rock gets away with a lot because he exudes a boyish kind of charm, but Smith, noting that his wife took obvious umbrage, decided to storm the stage and then proceed to utter a stream of obscenities at Rock. The telecast went on while witnesses to the assault sat stunned in the audience and in their homes. Smith was not asked to leave and later he received a standing ovation when he won the Oscar for Best Actor in “King Richard” (well-deserved, but that’s not the point). Smith issued an apology to Chris Rock the next day, but the entire incident was so badly handled. He also apologized to everyone EXCEPT Rock in his acceptance speech. It would have been better to take a moment to cast light on alopecia and its effect of the people who live with this condition. He initially laughed at the joke and only rose up to defend his wife when she shot him a look. Violence is unacceptable in any form, and Smith’s explanation that “love makes people do crazy things,” sounds too close for comfort to excuses for domestic violence. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences subsequently stripped Smith of his membership and banned him from the Oscars for 10 years, so don’t look for him on next year’s telecast handing out the Oscar for Best Actor/Actress. I’m sure he’s chastened by his outburst, but we don’t need displays of toxic masculinity.

And one more Oscar thing – The “In Memorium” tribute to those people in the movie business who have passed away since last year was accompanied by singing and dancing that was totally inappropriate for the solemnity of the moment. They should just hire me to run the whole show.





 

March 2022 Movies & More

March is full of Madness, but there is always time for movies (and more).  All are rated on a scale of one to five cans of tuna fish (Bumble Bee only!) and the ones marked with an asterisk are ones I had not seen previously. Numbering picks up from the last month.

31.  The Gilded Age* (2022, HBO) – This may not be Jullian Fellowes’ best work, but how could he top Downton Abbey? It is before the turn of the century in New York City, when you could still buy a parcel of land and build a magnificent mansion, beautifully decorated and staffed with uniformed footmen and a French chef – and STILL not be accepted into society. Instead of upstairs and downstairs, the conflict here is with the old moneyed society people who still look down on the nouveau rich, whose resources may be greater but their lineage inferior. Christine Baranski plays the haughty Mrs. Van Rhein, a doyenne of society whose home sits across the street from the new mansion built by railroad magnate Mr. Russell and his social-climbing wife, desperate to get into the upper crust of NYC society. The “action” takes place before the turn of the 20th century (one episode included a display by Thomas Edison, lighting up the streets of New York with his new light bulbs), with horse-drawn carriages providing transportation. This was a time when the term “coming out” referred not to declaring one’s sexual orientation but for a young woman to make her debut into society at a grand soiree. As I said, it isn’t Downtown Abbey, but with the witty repartee (Baranski is the Maggie Smith of the show), those exquisite sets and costumes, this franchise is bound to have a long run. One thing I know for sure – bustles do no one any favors. 4 cans.
32.  I Want You Back* (2022, Prime Video) – Things get complicated when two couples break up. She (Jenny Slater) loves her boyfriend and isn’t taking the breakup well. He (Charlie Day) thought that his girlfriend was “the one” and resents that she has moved on with someone else. The whole thing gets more complicated through lies and it is really not worth waiting to see who winds up with whom. By the end, I was sure I never want any of these people back. 1½ cans.
33.  Colin in Black & White* (2021, Netflix) – Long before he was excoriated as a traitor to the US for voicing his opinion of racial injustice by merely kneeling during the National Anthem, Collin Kaepernick was a talented young athlete proficient in football, baseball and basketball. He dreamed of a chance to play quarterback at the top college level and go on to the NFL. This story is told from a unique perspective, with Kaepernick himself watching the portrayal of himself and commenting on the situation. Adopted by a well-meaning white couple in California, Kaepernick, who is Black, experiences every microaggression you can imagine happen routinely to Black people. It must be exhausting. This limited series takes us up to Collin’s acceptance into the University of Nevada, setting up a second season or even more so we can see how he became an outspoken activist. Kudos to Ana DuVernay and the entire production for taking this perspective and showing the world how Black people are treated. 3½ cans.
34.  Lucy & Desi* (2022, Prime Video) – Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz made history for their classic TV comedy, “I Love Lucy,” but this story is about more than that. Lucy was a tough woman, but she had a real soft spot for Desi, who drank too much, worked too much and chased too many women. One thing that was never in doubt: They loved each other until the very end, despite divorcing and enjoying long marriages to other partners. Their success includes not just their own show – which they created and developed – but their producing many other popular shows, such as “Star Trek” and “The Untouchables,” which they helmed at their Desilu Studios. Ultimately, Lucy became the head honcho, the first woman to head a Hollywood studio. But if not for Desi, none of us would be watching “I Love Lucy” 70 years after it first aired, because he was the one who insisted it be filmed so it could be preserved. Thanks for the reruns! This touching portrait of the Arnaz family was directed with love by comic actress Amy Poehler, and you can just tell she loved Lucy, too. As Desi says at the end, “I Love Lucy was never just a title.” Pass the hankies. 3½ cans.
35.  The White Shadow (1978-80) – I happened to catch a marathon of episodes of one of my favorite TV shows when the drama series aired on the Decades channel. Ken Howard plays a former NBA player who takes over as basketball coach at an inner-city high school in Los Angeles. The players lack focus and have to deal with all kinds of outside influences, but this show is more about life lessons than basketball – without being preachy. The kids are good players with dreams and problems, not all of which are solved in an hour on screen. Several of the young stars went on to be very successful directors (Kevin Hooks, Thomas Carter and Timothy Van Pattern of “The Sopranos” among them), reflecting on the creativity and skill of this cast and production. The series had not been available on air for years, so I relished seeing many of the episodes after such a long break. Besides, it’s March Madness, when all things turn to basketball! 4 basketballs and a hoop.
36.  Windfall* (2022, Netflix) – Jason Segal (no one in the cast has a name, so I’ll just refer to the actors who appeared) breaks into the stunning vacation home of a wealthy tech CEO, not knowing whose home it is, and is unexpectedly confronted by the man and his wife (Jesse Plemmons and Lily Collins). There is plenty of tension as the inept home invader more or less holds the homeowners hostage while he waits for the money promised him by the CEO to arrive. While the couple seems solid, there are underlying issues, and by the end of this slow-paced semi-thriller, you’re not sure who is the bad guy. 3½ cans.
37.  Rescued by Ruby* (2022, Netflix) – Rudy the rescue dog and Dan the cop have plenty in common. They are both lovable but a little goofy, underachievers but with good hearts and intentions. He wants to be on the K9 Squad, but Ruby is more interested in running through the house and ripping up pillows. A bunch of families have already returned Ruby to the animal shelter, but just when the end is near, Dan the Man shows up and takes her home so he can train her for the K9 squad. It turns out that he needs Ruby as much as Ruby needs him. This movie is a little more saccharine than most that I watch, but it is also sweet and earnest – and based on a true story. The plot is very easy to follow and guess, but sometimes I need a light movie that doesn’t challenge my mind. Easy entertainment. 3 cans.
38.  Deep Water* (2022, Hulu) – She likes to take on new lovers in spite of the fact that she’s married. He doesn’t seem to mind, but when they turn up dead, maybe he did mind after all? Ben Affleck is a very wealthy man with a hot wife. He wants to keep the family together despite her (Ana De Armas) peccadillos for the sake of the daughter they seem to largely ignore. When a friend (Tracy Letts) becomes suspicious of the coincidental deaths of “friends” of the wife, he starts on a dangerous mission. There is plenty of tension, sexual and otherwise, in getting to the bottom of this story. 4 cans.
39.  Four Good Days* (2020, Hulu) – Those four days are not so good for desperate drug addict Molly (Mila Kunis), who has been through rehab 13 times. But to get through her latest program, she cannot use drugs for four more days, after which time she will get an injection that will keep her from getting that high for a month. Her exasperated mother Deb (Glenn Close) has thrown her out of the house – repeatedly – but once again comes to her rescue to keep her clean for four good days, until she can get that shot. This is a harrowing picture, extremely well played by Kunis in particular, that dramatically illustrates the way addicts live their lives. Not exactly a charmer, but a good story. 3½ cans.
40.  Long Story Short* (2021, Netflix) – You have heard of someone having a short memory? Well, for Teddy (Rafe Spall), time is flying by and he has no memory of events from one year to the next. He wakes up the day after his wedding day and finds his wife planning to celebrate their first anniversary. He also finds that she is visibly pregnant, much to his surprise. Each day he wakes up and another huge block of time has gone by, and along with it, major changes in his life have taken place. He loves his wife and family and wants to slow things down and experience life with them. This movie is part time-travel, part fantasy and part feel-good – something like the opposite of “Groundhog Day” where every day is the same. Don’t be a procrastinator like Teddy: Go out there and enjoy every moment. 3 cans.
41.  The Great Debaters* (2007, Prime Video) – Tiny Wiley College was a predominantly Black college in Texas back in 1935 with an accomplished debate team, led by Professor Melvin B. Tolson (Denzel Washington, who also directed the film). The professor chose the best of the best to be on his debate team and imposed his rule on each of the students. This story has the predictable challenges, the rise, fall and rise of the team that follows other movies about competition – sports or otherwise – but this one has another major component that complicates life for the debaters. Texas was riddled with racism, not by people wearing white hoods, but by the everyday citizens who opposed and abused Black people in every possible way, including lynchings. Tolson was working behind the scenes to organize the local sharecroppers into a union, something to which the local townsfolk and law enforcement objected vehemently. To see the debaters rise above the competition is thrilling, and the lessons learned here are important ones. If you rent it, stick around for the credits to see what happened to the team members after they graduated from college. 3½ cans.
42.  The Weekend Away* (2022, Netflix) – There’s nothing like a girls weekend with your best buds. Here Beth (Leighton Meister) and Kate (Christina Wolfe) finally reunite for some much-needed time together in Croatia. Kate, divorcing her husband, just wants to have fun, while new mother Beth isn’t interested in doing anything wild. It’s all fun and games until somebody ends up dead. Beth is left to figure out what happened in a strange country where the only familiar faces are those of the landlord in the place Kate rented for them and the taxi driver who drove her there from the airport and later to a bar with Kate. This is an intriguing mystery that led down some unexpected paths. There are times you want to question some of the plot, but I overlooked the parts that were hard to accept in favor of just letting the story be told. 3½ cans.
43. The Outfit* (2022, in the movie theater) – This suspense story would make a great stage play. It is tightly constructed and the action takes place in one location. Mark Rylance is Englishman Leonard, a cutter (not a tailor, he insists), a craftsman who makes bespoke suits for gentlemen in his tiny Chicago shop. He is exacting and precise in his movements as he creates beautiful clothing and minds his own business, despite some unsavory looking men who come into the shop and drop off envelopes in a box that Leonard ignores. Rylance is quietly mesmerizing as he does his work without comment or interference in whatever this gang of well-dressed criminals is doing. But when things go wrong and two of the members of “The Outfit” end up in his shop on a desperate mission, he is forced to use guile and guts to survive, along with his receptionist (Zoey Deutch). This thriller is the opposite of the murder mystery “Death on the Nile,” with no gorgeous locations, dazzling sets or stunning clothes (though the suits bespoke for themselves, so to speak). The plot is mysterious, and each action, like each stitch in the making of a suit, is carefully made and delivered. Well crafted. 4 cans.

Marching On

At this point in my life, every body part either itches, aches or no longer works like it is supposed to work.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I still get startled when I press the spoon on the seam of the Crescent Roll package and the dough pops out.

If you are a regular reader, you know about my addiction to “Dateline” and other true-crime mysteries. But there’s something that I don’t understand. We know the authorities can easily trace anyone’s location by checking the pings on a cell phone tower, so, if someone is about to commit a crime, why not leave the cell phone home? That way, the criminal can claim he was home and has cell phone data to back up his alibi. Uh, oh – I’m starting to think like a killer!

I love a nap when I wake up not knowing where I am, what time it is (even what day it is) – even if it was only 20 minutes in length. And then I’m up at 4 AM, twiddling my thumbs and watching murder mysteries on “Dateline.”

My friend Kathy Duff works at Staples and reported this recent exchange with a customer:
    “A customer came in looking for ID badge holders, but we didn't have the type that he wanted.”
HIM:        "Maybe I'll just go to Staples."
KATHY:    "Sir, you are in Staples."
HIM:        "No I'm not. This is Home Depot."
KATHY:    "Ok...let me know if there is anything else I can help you with."
Kathy was wearing her name badge, clearly marked STAPLES, while speaking with the customer. Now I understand why my father’s only career advice to me was, “Don’t go into retail.”

I know they say that Bed Bath & Beyond coupons are accepted after they expire but hanging on to ones from 2007 might be pushing it just a little. I have so many that I'm making them part of my estate when I pass.

Every three weeks my cleaning person comes in and makes the whole house sparkle, especially the kitchen. So, on that day, I never want to cook and mess up the stove. Now I just need an excuse not to cook every other day of the month.

I can’t believe that after 2 years of participating in Zoom meetings, people still have their cameras pointing up their noses, sit in front of a window so they appear in silhouette or leave themselves on MUTE when speaking. Come on, people, you should have mastered this by now! Can’t you see yourself on the screen? I can, and it’s not pretty!

I object to people who leave their number on a voice mail message but do it so fast that I have to play the recording multiple times to get it down. I, on the other hand, state my name and number clearly and slowly – mostly because I can’t remember my number! It seems that I am being considerate, but it just takes me a while to retrieve it from the filing cabinet in my head! After all, who calls their own home phone if they live alone?

At this point, do we still need to hear instructions on how to leave a voice mail message (“leave your message after the tone”) for a friend? I’ll accept the “You have reached so & so,” or “I can’t answer your call right now, so leave me a message”) part, but is there anyone on earth who doesn’t know the part about leaving the message after the tone?

And speaking of messages, does every recorded message have to include the phrase, “Listen carefully because our options have changed”? How often do these options change anyway? And do these folks think I knew the last options?

I also object to people whose voicemail boxes are full or who don’t check their US mail. I guess the only way to reach some people is to text them or show up on their doorstep.

Fifty years ago, Carole King’s masterpiece album, “Tapestry” took home a slew of Grammys, including Song of the Year for “You’ve Got a Friend.” I almost played the grooves off the vinyl on that record and still consider it among my favorites.

Why is it that I sneeze in the morning? I rarely sneeze at other times of the day, but my morning sneezes are part of my routine. My mother used to sneeze when she went into the kitchen to make dinner. We decided that she was allergic to cooking.

If I had a dollar for every bagel I have sliced in my time, well, I’d have a lot of dollars. And so far, I’m proud to say, nary a knife-inflicted cut on my fingers.

My 2014 car came out just before many of the technology advances that are now common in cars. And maybe that’s just as well. When I picked it up, the sales guy set and showed me how to change the color of the interior lights, which I immediately dismissed, knowing I would never change them. Within 10 minutes, I had the radio programmed for my favorite stations. I can turn on the heated seats and I know how to work the flashers. And while my car isn’t so old that it requires a crank to start it, it does have a key fob that I have to put up against the ignition (there isn’t an actual key). Recently, I dropped the car off for service and was given a loaner, a peppy little 2022 model. I couldn’t figure out how to change the radio station because there are a thousand little buttons and arrows. There is a “key” that goes nowhere except in your pocket, and you press a button to start and turn off the car. Was having an actual key such a burden? It’s not like you don’t need one for the new cars; you just don’t need to insert it into the ignition. Great, I saved a second! My loaner car had bells and whistles and complications that are enough to dissuade me from ever getting a new car again. Maybe I’ll just wait for one of those self-driving cars, so I can read while I ride. Does everything new-fangled have to be so counter-intuitive and complicated? Look out: Someone is showing her age (and age-related crankiness).

I am plagued these days by “tumbleweeds.” What? There is a cornfield behind my street and the farmer did not plow the field under at the end of the growing season, so the tops of the stalks are blowing between the houses on my street and winding up in front of our garage doors, in the bushes and covering the walkways. They are impossible to remove completely because they are wispy and it is hard to grab more than a few at a time. The other day they were calf-high on the way to the front door. As soon as the wind blows, there they go. I no sooner gather them up from one side of the garage door then they blow on the other side. And on a windy day, they blow into the garage when I open the door. I even found some that worked their way into the laundry room. This isn’t a community-wide problem because not everyone backs up to the cornfield, but for those of us who do, the tumbleweeds are a game we can’t win. I feel like I am living in the Little House on the Prairie.

Duke Men’s Hall of Fame Basketball Coach Mike Krzyzewski is retiring at the end of the season after a 42-year career in which he and his teams won several National Championships and numerous other accolades. He leaves as the winningest coach of all time in college basketball. His achievements have been truly remarkable. But the biggest one to me is that he got everyone to pronounce his name as “Sha-shef-ski” for all this time. How do you get that SH sound from a bunch of Ks? I’m guessing that pronunciation came from his family’s place of origin, which I believe is Poland. In any case, congrats to Coach K on a stellar career.

It’s March, and you know what that means to a basketball fan – March Madness. My beloved Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team had a losing season (despite hustling and working so hard) and isn’t playing in the post-season. But the Rutgers Men got into the NCAA Tournament, or at least into the “play-in” game. If they beat Notre Dame on Wednesday (as we write this), they go on to play Alabama. My fingers are crossed that their season continues. It’s madness, after all.


 

February 2022 Movies & More

There were lots of "whodunits" in this month's collection of movies & more, and even a Broadway show! All entries are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 the top ranking. Numbering picks up from previous months and things I had not seen previously are marked with an asterisk. 

16.  The Gospel According to Andre* (2017, HBO) – Andre Leon Talley, who died earlier this year, was always in fashion. As a journalist who adored supporting new designers, Tally understood current fashion and the history of fashion. This documentary features extensive interviews with him and we get to watch as he highlights iconic designers and works with the diva of fashion journalism, Diana Vreeland of Vogue, and later Anna Wintour. He was the first African American news director and creative director for Vogue, where he later served as an editor at large. His Southern roots and life as a child with his grandmother influenced his outlook (and his love of hats). Andre was larger than life in every respect, and never out of style. 3½ cans.
17.  And Just Like That* (2021, HBO Max) – For a while there, I thought this limited series, a follow-up to the gem “Sex and the City,” would tarnish the reputation of the long-running HBO series with devout New Yorkers Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and Charlotte (Kristin Davis) – if the last SATC movie hadn’t done enough damage already. Our favorite fashionistas are in their 50s now, about the game age today as “The Golden Girls” were when they started their series, but the comparison ends there. These women are still raucous – although without the fourth member, Samantha (Kim Cattrall), they aren’t nearly as randy. This season – which could be the first or the last – showed all of the women going through big changes, starting in episode 1, where Carrie’s now long-time husband, Big (actually named John), dies of a heart attack after a rigorous workout on his Peloton bike. Carrie wins the adjustment contest as she gets through a year of loss and exploration. So as not to spoil the rest of the series for anyone who wants to and hasn’t seen it yet, I’ll just say that there are plenty of adjustments to be made. I wasn’t a big fan of this new series up until the last episode, which made me appreciate the bonds between these dear friends – even if they can’t all get it together in the end. Kudos to Sarah Jessica Parker for playing Carrie as a woman who realizes that her life will never be the same but will endure. The lamp in the last episode made me love at least the finale if not the entire season. 3½ cans.
18.  And Just Like That – The Documentary* (2022, HBO Max) – This documentary is a love letter about the reconstituted “Sex & the City” sequel “And Just Like That,” delving into the relaunch this season with plenty of homage paid to the past – particularly the storied wardrobe that was integral to the Carrie Bradshaw persona. The clothing has been lovingly retained and is as welcomed back as an old friend, both by the behind-the-scenes staff and star Sarah Jessica Parker herself. I love seeing how these things come together, so this film was right up my alley. 3½ cosmos.
19.  Breaking News in Yuba County* (2021, Hulu) – Sue Buttons (Allison Janney) is not having a good birthday. First, the store has messed up her name on the cake she had to order for herself.  Second, her dolt of a husband fails to acknowledge her special day. And things only get worse in this black comedy with a twisty plot and stellar cast. Maybe the news media will pay attention to Sue when she reports her husband missing and goes on air to explain the break-in in her house and the alleged kidnapping of her spouse. She doesn’t know that he has been laundering money for some pretty bad folks, all while having an affair. If you like quirky plots and characters and don’t mind a lot of shooting and deaths, this one’s for you. Anything Allison Janney is in is good enough for me. 3½ cans.
20.  The Tinder Swindler* (2022, Netflix) – Of course you would swipe right when you got a look on the dating app Tinder at Simon, the handsome son of a billionaire in the diamond business. And he didn’t disappoint, whisking first dates away by private jet to 5-star hotels, driving expensive cars and wearing designer clothes. The first date was followed by attentive phone calls, texts, messages of love and a future together. Yet, as his fascinating documentary reveals, Simon was not exactly what he portrayed himself to be. Promises of a lavish and loving future were followed by the request of money to tide him over – purportedly from his “enemies,” but more realistically to finance his next courtship. I don’t know how serial cheaters can keep all their women straight, and, in this case, how Simon could coax them into taking out huge loans and turning over their life savings to “help” him. This is the story of three of his victims, and it was totally engrossing. I couldn’t figure out why none of the women encouraged Simon to simply ask his billionaire father for the money he swore he needed and would pay back, but I guess love is blind after all. 4 cans and at least twice as many years behind bars for this con man – or so I would hope.
21.  My Blue Heaven (1990, HBO) – Vinny Antonelli (Steve Martin) is placed into the Witness Protection Program so that he can safely testify against his fellow mobsters, except, in Vinny’s case, changing his name to Terry and suddenly residing in the suburbs is more than he can handle (he looks absurdly funny wearing his sharkskin suit to mow the lawn).  Keeping a low profile is not in Vinny’s wheelhouse, so, despite his own personal FBI man (Rick Moranis) assigned to keep him out of trouble, a dedicated but lonely prosecutor (Joan Cusack) working to get his testimony, and a legion of family and fellow mobster friends, Vinny is out and about, ordering new suits and buying them for his FBI guy, trying to tip the airline flight attendant and, well, just being Vinny. This is a silly little movie, but Martin’s performance transcends the material. He is all twitchy and full of swag and really hard not to like. I couldn’t take my eyes off Martin’s hair, which was brown and spiky instead of his trademark white locks. 3 cans.
22.  The Queen of Basketball* (2021, YouTube) – Back in the 1970s, just after Title IX was passed to give collegiate women the same opportunities in athletics as men had already enjoyed, one woman stood head and shoulders above the rest. Lucia “Lucy” Harris, a native of Mississippi and the daughter of sharecroppers, enrolled at Delta State and helped women’s basketball begin its rise. This documentary, told by Lucy herself, shows her leading the Lady Statesmen to three consecutive AIAW championships (the NCAA had not yet taken over women’s sports), dethroning the Mighty Macs of tiny Immaculata College. At 6’3”, Lucy dominated in the paint and on at least one occasion, outscored the opposing team all by herself. Although she played in the Olympics and was drafted by the NBA’s New Orleans Saints, Lucy saw her playing career end. You cannot appreciate the history of women’s basketball without paying homage to the late, great Lucia Harris, who died earlier this year. Thanks to NBA great Shaquille O’Neal for producing this short (22 minutes), sweet but sad look at one of the best basketball players ever. 3½ cans.
23.  Spencer* (2021, free on Hulu) – In the beginning of this morose look at young Princess Diana, she is driving through the British countryside alone in a sports car, unaccompanied by security or attendants, and lost – even though her former family home was in the area. She is lost in much of the rest of the movie, too. Let’s face it, many people don’t like spending the holidays with the family, but, in this case, Diana (Kristen Stewart) is stuck in a cold house (the Royals eschew turning up the heat and would rather distribute blankets) where she is told when to eat, what to wear (a rack of clothing is rolled into her room, all labeled by day and activity) and who will be at her service. The servants are warned that “they can hear us” and Diana might just as well sing “Every Breath You Take,” because everyone is watching every move she makes. Scorned for her eating disorder by her estranged husband, Prince Charles (Jack Farthing), who has already moved on with Camila, Diana is left alone to fantasize about misbehaving and getting out. Her only solace is the brief opportunity to spend time with her boys, young Princes William and Harry. She is a prisoner in a gilded cage, eager and helpless to escape. The whole movie is unsettling, with spooky music and evil characters, and it portrays a kind of medieval torture of a vibrant young woman who is forced to follow a path she never quite understood or accepted. 3½ cans.
24.  Marry Me* (2022, free on Peacock and also playing in theaters) – It’s Valentine’s Day season, so what we need is a sweet and frothy rom-com – and this one delivers. Pop superstar Kat Valdez (Jennifer Lopez) is about to marry the love of her life, Latin singer Bastian (Maluma) on stage at Madison Square Garden when she finds out he has cheated on her with her assistant. She impulsively turns to a random guy in the audience holding up a sign saying “Marry Me,” the megahit she wrote and performs with Bastian, and hauls him up on stage to be the substitute groom. The guy is Charlie (Owen Wilson), a nerdy math teacher in NY, divorced and the father of a 12-year old girl.  Kat’s life is a series of photoshoots, commercials, concerts, appearances on TV and pretty much what you imagine Lopez’ actual life to be, especially since she and former flame Ben Affleck have reunited. So where does this leave sweet, nice, leader of the Mathletes Charlie? The man still has a flip phone, after all. Can two people so completely different find common ground? Lopez, who has been trying to convince us all that she’s still Jenny from the block for years, does a great job of being both the celebrated star and a pretty normal woman (considering the circumstances), and Wilson is a goofy, lovable guy who helps to ground her. There are adorable scenes at his school and elsewhere as Kat tries to figure out what is best for her. As rom-coms go, this isn’t exactly “When Harry Met Sally,” but it is sweet and cute and the leads are irresistible. 3½ cans.
25.  Inventing Anna* (2022, Netflix) – You can’t make this stuff up, though the disclaimer on this fact-based limited series says they did – at least some of it. This series is about Anna Delvey (Julia Garner), a Russian (or is she German?) socialite heiress who may be broke but spends lavishly on herself and on her friends while trying to bilk millions from US banks and investment firms so she can start her cooler-than-cool exclusive club. But her credit cards are denied at the four-star hotels she frequents and there are problems with wire transfers – and the dog ate my homework. What a brazen conniver, who could lie straight in someone’s face and almost get away with it. The other half of this story is about journalist Vivian Kent (Anna Chumsky), who is so hell-bent on getting Anna’s story and she practically ignores the imminent birth of her child so she can complete writing it for the magazine where she works. Both Anna and Vivian are desperate in their own ways and they strike up a grudging kind of friendship. This is one fascinating story that didn’t have to be nine parts (each runs an hour) to be complete. I think six episodes could have done the trick. I watched it over three days, but if you really have no life, binge it. It is bingeworthy. And completely true. Except for the parts they made up. 4 cans.
26.  Death of the Nile* (2022, at the movies) – Kenneth Branaugh has created a stylish whodunit murder mystery with himself as director and famed detective Hercule Poirot. Though it takes about an hour for death to be a part of this story, when it happens, it happens not just once, leaving a host of suspects and more potential victims. The lush setting is a riverboat on the Nile, where glamorous Linnet (Gal Gadot) and her handsome husband Simon (Armie Hammer) have taken their wedding guests to celebrate their honeymoon. The scenery is stunning and the plot compelling as in most Agatha Christie mysteries as Poirot is asked to not only solve the case but to prevent more murder and mayhem. And now we know why Poirot wears that big mustache, too. 4 cans.
27.  Imposters, Season 1* (2017, Netflix) – Netflix has demonstrated a predilection of late to air programs about people who pretend to be something/someone they are not (See “The Tinder Swindler” and “Inventing Anna”).  And I’m all in. This drama/comedy series gives us 10 episodes in which the twists and turns, and, more importantly, the cons, never stop. Ezra Bloom seems like a nice guy who is totally in love with his beautiful Belgian wife, Ava – until one day when she cleans out their bank accounts and leaves him with nothing more than a website message and a folder containing family secrets that she swears she will reveal if he comes looking for her. It turns out, he wasn’t her only mark. I won’t spoil the ride here because this series is fast-paced and fun to watch. Season 2 is now out, and I’m in! 4 cans.
28.  Kareem: Minority of One* (2015, HBO) – It would be hard to overlook Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. At 7’1”+, he stands head and shoulders above most of his contemporaries as an athlete, an activist and as the NBA’s all-time leading scorer. This HBO film does a thorough job of documenting his life from grade school through to 2000, from then Lew Alcindor dominating New York City high school basketball, taking his skills to UCLA to play for the legendary John Wooden and his championships with the Bucks and Lakers. When the NCAA outlawed dunks, he developed his signature “Sky Hook,” which his competitors like Larry Bird called “unstoppable.” But this film does more than cover his basketball career; it explains his name change and religious beliefs, talks about his family and his activism. He really is one of the more interesting and compelling figures of his time. 4 cans.
29.  All About Eve (1950, Cable TV) – This movie is made the way movies used to be made, with crackling dialog, fierce performances (see Davis, Bette) and actual plots. Bette is Margo Channing, temperamental Broadway star, world-weary bon vivant and demanding boss of her minions and her man (Gary Merrill). Then along comes star-struck Eve Harrington (Anne Baxter), destined to worship Margo, who willingly accepts her adulation without initially discerning her ulterior motives. When Margo begins to understand the plot here and utters her famous line, “Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night,” it is game on. This is a classic, must-see movie. 4½ cans.
30.  MJ: The Musical* (Broadway) – I returned to Broadway for the first time in more than two years to see this spectacular musical about Michael Jackson. Every iconic move, dazzling outfit, hat and glove is there to recall the immensely talented Jackson from the time he started with his brothers as the Jackson 5 to his emergence as the King of Pop. There were so many songs made famous by or written by Michael Jackson and all are performed with flare. This isn’t exactly like the “jukebox” musicals that have dominated Broadway since Mama Mia gave us the Abba catalog with a contrived script. It revolves around Michael’s upcoming “Dangerous” tour while also showing his show-biz roots and early successes. He seems haunted, childlike and determined to deliver his best – despite the cost. This show is decidedly not “The Music Man,” but it packs powerhouse performances and every bit of the Michael Jackson we choose to remember. 4 cans.

February Bits and Pieces

I don’t play Wordle, the new game that has gained enough popularity that it was just purchased by The New York Times, but I sure see that my friends do. Honestly, I don’t care about your Wordle score, so do you have to post it every day? I hope the originator runs out of 5-letter words!

I realized on February 2 that this month has a 2/2/22 and also a 2/22/22. Maybe I should play the lottery with those numbers – not that I know how to play the lottery!

I have been watching the sumptuous “The Gilded Age” on TV and I’m here to say that bustles do no one any favors. The hats, however, are superb.

Just wondering: Does anyone ever actually put gloves in the glove compartment of their car?

The Super Bowl, the one day all year when everybody uses Roman numerals.

It’s not so much the cooking I mind, it’s the clean-up. On second thought, I mind the cooking, too.

Of all the knives I have in my kitchen – some expensive and many professionally sharpened – my go-to knife is one I bought from a TV infomercial decades ago. It is serrated, never needs sharpening, and has dissected many a bagel in its time. It was worth the sleepless night that led me to watch the infomercial in the first place.

Hotdogs are the only food I prefer well done. My mother always overcooked everything and once even burned the soup – which she denied, saying that you can’t burn soup (I beg to differ). When she would overcook or burn dinner, her standard reply was, “Everybody eats it like that.” And if I went further in my objection, she would say, “Maybe your next mother will be better.” I miss those clever retorts!

I wish you could have seen me yesterday. I had such a good hair day. Too bad no one got to witness it but me!

I threw caution and Lipitor to the wind this week when I ate a grapefruit. Because I’m on Lipitor for my cholesterol, I’m supposed to avoid eating grapefruit because of an interaction with the drug, but once a year I indulge myself. The young folks might call this YOLO – You Only Live Once – but young folks don’t care about grapefruit and probably aren’t taking Lipitor.

Snow days seemed like such a gift when I was growing up. My sister and I would huddle around the radio, waiting for Jack Ellery on WCTC to announce the name of our school in the list of school closings: Sayreville, Somerville! South Amboy! We would hear the town fire whistle blow at exactly 7 AM (or was it 7:30?), letting us know that school was closed for the day (it was a small town with a really LOUD fire whistle). Back then, it had to be a REAL snowstorm, not some mamby-pamby little dusting that makes schools declare closings the night before, only to have virtually no snow, or at least none worth closing school. Those were the days, my friends.

I truly don’t understand the issue with children consuming Tide Pods. I can’t even get the package open, and, when I do, I can’t get it closed. Just store them up high, folks, where even I can’t reach them. 

And speaking of packaging, is it just me or are things getting harder to open? I’m not talking about the blister packs that protect batteries from God-knows-what and practically require the jaws of life to pry apart. Even the package of my Panera brand chicken dish required me to stab it with a knife like a murderer just to pop it into the microwave. I know we all have problems opening those flimsy produce bags in the supermarket, but I am talking about packaging that we find on so many everyday things that could survive a nuclear holocaust. Remember how exhausting it was to unwrap a CD? Things have only gotten worse. I used three utensils, including a screwdriver, to try to pry the top off of my fruit salad container. In five more minutes, I was going to call for the jaws of life.

I keep seeing Sonic ads for patty melts. Aren’t these nothing more than a cheeseburger on toasted bread instead of a bun, or a grilled cheese with a hamburger?

Anyone who is an expert in technology should be called a techspert. I guess that means if you are really good at sex, you should be called a sexpert.

It is impossible to wear a sweater with long, flared sleeves and not get it wet – unless you don’t wash your hands all day. Yuck!

Remember when you couldn’t use deodorant after you shaved your underarms because it would sting too much? Remember shaving your underarms? Now I have to remember NOT to wear deodorant on the day I go for a mammogram. I literally HIDE the deodorant so I don’t inadvertently use it.

I know we all have a million decisions to make, some lifechanging and others as simple as choosing a color in the nail salon. But that is not a simple decision. I know this choice shouldn’t seem so hard, but there are a zillion colors. There’s the actual color – which could look vastly different in the salon vs. outside in the natural light – and then the option of colors that sparkle and shine or having “nail art” done on your finger, and whether your fingers should match your toes if you’re also getting a pedicure. A friend of mine told me about one occasion where she had her nails done and drove down the street to a different salon to have the polish removed and just have a “color change,” not a full manicure. (She was too embarrassed to ask the original salon to do it.) All of this just proves my motto: “Nothing is easy.”

What is the proper etiquette for sneezing these days? I’m still wearing a mask everywhere I go, and if I am with other people and have to sneeze, I feel like a criminal. Plus, sneezing with the mask on is really unpleasant. Should I remove it and sneeze into my elbow? Or keep it on and have to contend with a wet mask?

I’m ending this month on a serious note, saluting my old friend Sally Lapelosa, who passed away at age 89 on January 31. I knew of Sally from J&J, where she was one of the few women in charge of anything when she ran administrative services. She had a reputation as a tough but fair lady, and one who got the job done right. Legions of people who started in the mailroom worked under Sally and could tell you she was a formidable force. I got to be friends with her via Rutgers Women’s Basketball, where she was a long-time season ticket holder and ardent fan. When she spotted me alone at a tournament, surrounded by UConn fans and in hostile territory, she made me switch my seat and come and sit with the official fan club, the Cagers Club, an army of scarlet-clad adults who followed the team. Sally, our late friend Rose and I often hit the road together, going to Georgetown or Villanova, to Oklahoma, Puerto Rico, St. Thomas and El Paso. Sally was with me when Rutgers won the WNIT Championship in 2014, and she was sitting so close to the team she might have been mistaken for a coach. She knew enough about basketball to be one. She stopped traveling in recent years, but we stayed in touch, met for lunch at Fresco’s in East Brunswick, near her home, and often talked on the phone about basketball, business and life. It will take me a while to get adjusted to not picking up the phone to discuss the team’s latest game or a news story about J&J. Sally, it was a great ride, and now you are with a special team watching over the Rutgers Scarlet Knights from the best seat in the house. I miss my friend.