Getting a Leg Up

 1.    I’m sending this month’s blog post a day late since I just underwent knee replacement surgery and was in the hospital. But here are the usual random topics to cover as well as an update on my surgery:
2.    Once again, I did not make the list of People Magazine’s Most Beautiful People. This is an outrage! I’m only keeping my subscription to see if I make it next year!
3.    The HVAC guy was here to tune up the system for the spring/summer season. I’m in my favorite season, the few weeks of the year when I don’t need either heat or AC and I can calm down my PSEG bills!
4.    I have been spending a lot of time in doctors’ offices lately, catching up on exams and prepping for my knee replacement surgery. Have you noticed that magazines have made a return to the waiting room? During Covid and for a while afterwards, they disappeared from the racks to prevent exposure by touching them. Now they are back, but I still ignore them. You can’t be too careful.
5.    There is no greater equalizer than putting on that flimsy paper gown at the doctor’s office. It doesn’t matter if you are a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn or a king, you feel cold and exposed no matter who you are.
6.    Is it really necessary for the doctor’s office to text me, email me and call me to remind me about my upcoming doctor’s appointment? I think more time is spent generating these reminders than the doctor spends examining me. They are so anxious to see me, yet they make me wait for half an hour in the waiting room and another extended period of time in the exam room.
7.    Overheard in the waiting room at the doctor’s office: A woman was talking on the phone and urging someone to act quickly on cryptocurrency. Jump on it, she pleaded to whomever was on the other end. Then she said, “You’re talking about the stock market. I don’t know anything about that.” I couldn’t help thinking that this is the profile of a person who is going to lose everything or make a killing out of dumb luck.
8.    There has to be a better way to collect a urine sample than handing a woman a tiny container and asking her to capture what the lab needs. You never know if it is going in the cup, whether you have filled it enough, or, God forbid, you might accidently drop or spill it, and there’s no going back. Men have it much easier.
9.    Prior to my knee replacement, I was required to go to Joint Replacement Class. I was with a bunch of knee and hip patients, all of whom heard about the importance of pumping our ankles, preparing the house and having a “coach” on hand to help in the recovery (my sister went with me). They even provided a pair of hideous, bright blue shorts to wear as I recover. Mine might have been worn by LeBron James, that’s how long they were on me! I’m not sure you will even see my new knee in these!
10.    This surgery is no fun, but the essential thing is to get up and walk around – even on the day of the surgery. I had a nerve block and an epidural, plus a little “happy juice,” as one of the anesthesia people described it, so I was gone to the wind before I even entered the OR. My scar is still covered, so I just have to assume they did the surgery. I couldn’t attest to the experience in a court of law. I had physical and occupational therapy the next day, so I now know how to put on my pants, walk up steps and conduct the activities of daily living. It hurts, but I managed to get into the shower today and I felt like a new woman – all clean and shiny. Thank God for my sister, who is staying with me, serving meals, helping me with my meds, and coming down from the upstairs guest room when I need to go to the bathroom.
11.    In advance of the surgery, I tried to be as prepared as I could possibly be. I got a haircut and a pedicure, downloaded more books on my Kindle, made food to freeze, had grab bars installed in the shower and garage, did my pre-surgery exercises, booked my physical therapy appointments post-surgery through June, put aside plenty of shorts to wear (summer is a better time for surgery than winter, when you have to wear long pants and watch your steps on the ice), and bought a new car.
12.    That last thing was unrelated, but my car was on life support and was put out of her misery. Too bad I won’t be able to drive the new car for a while! My goal is eventually to be able to walk down to my seat at Jersey Mike’s Arena and back up the stairs when Rutgers Women’s basketball gets underway in the fall. Last season my knee really hurt, and to keep it from getting stiff, I had to keep getting up from my seat. Every time anyone hit a basket or the other team committed a foul, or there was a timeout, I would stand up and cheer – more for my leg than for the action. I hope next season I have plenty to cheer about – including being able to conquer the steps! Just don’t challenge me to a foot race!