More of My Meandering Mind

Oprah, stop talking about eating that damn bread.  I’m on Weight Watchers, too, and you’re making me hungry!

No matter which button I press on the refrigerator, I always get crushed ice – unless those are supposed to be mini-cubes.

I don’t know why I bother to watch the Food Network.  It is filled with things I either can’t or won’t eat and that I would never be able to cook anyway.

I don’t mind meal prep and cooking, but clean-up?  I’m sick of it.  I know I can use paper plates, but I really need disposable pots and pans.

If Facebook eliminated posts showing cute animals and babies, or stopped people from political rants, there wouldn’t be much left.  That would be fine with me.

What is “same difference” supposed to mean?  Things are either the same or they are different.  And “I could care less” must mean you actually DO care, since you could lower the care level.  Strange language, this English.

Why do people just assume that you are interested in whatever they are interested in?  And why do people assume you know what they are talking about?  She says: “You know, my brother's job in the circus…”  Me, thinking to myself:  “She has a brother?”  “What circus?”  I once had an entire conversation with someone about paint, a subject about which my entire knowledge includes a roller or a brush.  I try never to assume anything, including the fact that someone I seldom see or only met once even knows my name.

Can someone explain why the local Spanish Restaurant, named “Spain 92” (I get that it is a Spanish restaurant, but I’m not sure of the 92 part; it must be the year it started) is featuring an “Irish Fiesta?” I’m so confused.

There is a local restaurant that has been out of business for about two years.  Yet the sign on the marquee says, “Thanks for your support.”  Is that supposed to be sarcastic?  Because if enough people supported the business, wouldn’t the restaurant still be open?  Just wondering.

I still use the word “Yikes.”  Is it just me?

You know you are sick when you stick a thermometer in your mouth to take your temperature and it feels refreshingly cool.

Why do they make the blister packs with pills so hard to open (I know, I know, TYLENOL poisonings and all that)?  Seriously, I need a hacksaw to pop some pills.  And when you feel as sick as I did recently, everything is too tough to handle. 

Sometimes I think of stop signs as just suggestions.  I doubt that explanation would fly with a cop.

I really don’t understand why UFC fighting is considered a sport.  Isn’t it just two people beating the crap out of each other?  Why is that a sport?  And why (money aside) would anyone want to do this?

This getting old is not easy.  I’ll be walking along and suddenly, for no apparent reason, my ankle will start to hurt.  Or I get out of bed in the morning and some random body part hurts for no specific reason.  That’s when I reach for the Motrin and think that getting old is a bitch.

My fingers have been so dry and cracked this winter that if I got arrested, I doubt that the authorities would be able to get a good fingerprint.

I find it ironic that when people drive to the gym, they fight to park as close as possible to the entrance.  Isn’t the whole point of going to get exercise?  So walk a little more!

There is an ice cream stand on Hamilton Street in Somerset that I passed every day on my way to work for years when I first lived in town.  To me, winter officially began when the windows would be boarded up, and the harbinger of spring was always when the place opened up again. So I was horrified when I drove past it recently and saw a large “For Sale” sign in front.  Now the place is open, but will it stay that way?  How will I define the seasons if it goes out of business?  Such problems!

Have you ever had a manicure and while your nails are being polished, you already know you hate the color you picked?  But then you feel badly saying something.  A friend of mine once left the salon, drove down the street, entered another salon and asked for just a “color change.”  I didn’t really like the color I selected the last time (that’s the bad news), but it was probably the worst manicure I have ever had, because it was chipped by the next day (the good news?) and less than a week later, I’m taking what little remains off my hands – so to speak. 

Oreo cookies now come in mega stuff, double stuff, thin, minis, vanilla, chocolate, mint, peanut butter, lemon, red velvet and even root beer (I hear).  These are NOT my mother's Oreos.  My mother wrote to Nabisco to suggest using a box instead of the old cellophane wrapper and she always took credit for the idea when Oreos showed up in a box.  I wonder what she would think of today's wide variety.

I have lived in this house for 6 months now and I still turn the wrong way when I reach for the light switches when entering a room. 

I’m going to end this month’s edition on a serious note.  Recently I lost a very dear friend, John Graf, who was a well-known character and friend to so many people in this area.  John’s death was sudden and unexpected, which makes his loss even harder to accept.  A former President of both the United Way of Somerset County and of the Cagers Club (the fan club for Rutgers Women’s Basketball), John was a loyal and enthusiastic basketball fan who attended home and away games.  He recruited me to join the Cagers Club, and I relished becoming part of that special family.  Our trip around the country in 2014 for the Women’s National Invitational Tournament – won by Rutgers – was a great experience.  John was also a gifted singer who often performed the National Anthem before Rutgers games, and I remember him performing at Madison Square Garden at a New York Liberty game.  He had legions of friends in politics, philanthropy (where he raised enormous amounts of money for countless charities) and within the local theater community.  As a non-denominational minister, he performed thousands of weddings, baptisms and funerals.  He was there at so many significant moments for the people he loved and he made such a difference in their lives.  Now he is cheering from the best seats in the house.  I picture my late friend and fellow fan Rose spotting John entering the pearly gates and saying to him, “What are YOU doing here?”  He is gone way too soon, and the RAC in particular and life in general will be an emptier place without him.  Goodbye, my friend. 

Tina's February 2016 Movies

Despite the extra day in February, I still only managed to see a dozen movies in the nmonth.  Let's hope March has a better crop.  Movies are rated on a scale of 1 to 5 cans of tuna, with 5 being the top rating.  Numbering picks up from the previous month and movies marked with an asterisk are ones I have not seen previously.  

13.  Grease Live!* (2016) – February started with a bang as Fox TV showcased the boys and girls of Rydell High in a LIVE production of the musical “Grease.”  It is impossible not to bop along with the sounds and dancing of “Hand Jive,” “You’re the One That I Want” and “Beauty School Dropout.”  Although the entire cast looked a little long-in-the-tooth to be actual high schoolers, they all brought exuberance to their parts, led by Aaron Tviet as Danny Zuko, ersatz head greaser, and his blonde, blue-eyed innocent girlfriend Sandy (Julianne Hough).  The fact that the performance was live added excitement to the proceedings, and kudos to the director and technical team for the staggering variety of cameras, sets and scenery.  Kudos, too, for the live audience, which was an element sorely lacking from NBC’s wooden live production of “The Sound of Music” a few years back.  I must admit that I remember those late-50s ducktail hairstyles for the “greaser” guys.  I’m already craving this kind of treatment for “Footloose,” in case anyone’s listening.  4 cans.

14.  Madoff* (2016) – After seeing “The Big Short” last month and now this dramatization of the case of financial fraud Bernie Madoff, I feel like I am going after a graduate degree in economics.  If you didn’t know what a Ponzi scheme was, you would get it completely after seeing this movie.  Madoff ran a huge investment firm, and his investors reaped huge profits, consistently out-performing Wall Street because of one simple difference: Madoff never invested their money.  He kept it in a big fund, and his payouts were financed by money coming in from new investors.  It was nothing more than a very successful Ponzi scheme.  Investors begged Bernie to take their money, which he did gladly.  When Wall Street collapsed in 2008 and Madoff couldn’t pay off the people who wanted their money back, the elaborate ruse fell apart and he ended up in jail.  His actions ruined many lives, families (including his own), charities and others who had felt privileged that he allowed them to invest in his fund.  You can’t make this stuff up, and if something seems to be too good to be true, well, you know the rest.  Richard Dreyfuss, who has not aged well, was a good choice for the Madoff role, and as his wife Ruth, Blythe Danner does a fine job.  Look before you leap.  3 cans.

15. Notting Hill (1999) – This movie is Hugh Grant at his most unassuming, blithering best.  He is William Thatcher, London owner of a small bookstore for travel books only.  What are the chances a major Hollywood star will happen to come into his store?  Ana (Julia Roberts) does just that one day, and she comes into his life.  She is tired of being famous, tired of being hounded by paparazzi for every move she makes, and certain that relationships with people outside show business never work.  Oh, and she has a star boyfriend (very brief scene with Alec Baldwin as a typical Hollywood prick).  So, can this relationship work?  Grant and Roberts are surrounded by an interesting cast of characters, all of whom add to the charm and whimsy of this movie.  I loved it after not having seen it for long time.  4 cans.

16.  Like Sunday, Like Rain* (2014) – Two lonely souls form a bond in this lovely movie.  Eleanor (Leighton Meester) is a 20-something who has just dumped her boyfriend and lost her job and her apartment when she is hired to be a nanny to 12-year old Reggie (Julian Shatkin), a cello prodigy wise beyond his years but with virtually no friends and a mother who abandons him to jet off.  Reggie lives in a New York mansion, but while his material needs are satisfied, his emotional ones are neglected.  He is brilliant, reads voraciously, composes beautiful music and plays the cello.  Eleanor tries her best to be his babysitter but soon becomes his friend and confidant, as he does hers.  (Thank God this relationship did not go beyond that.)  It turns out that she was a musician who had to pass on Julliard because she couldn’t afford the tuition and even had to sell her cornet.  So their bond becomes strong, if unusual and, ultimately, it must end.  Shatkin could have come off as smug, but despite his way of handling situations better than most adults, he is still a vulnerable and lonely kid.  Eleanor needs his friendship and support as much as he does hers.  3½ cans.

17.  Murphy’s Law (1985) – James Garner and Sally Field strike up a friendship in a quiet little Texas town.  He’s a widower who runs the town drug store and she is a feisty divorced woman with a child (Corey Haim), trying to fend off her ne’er-do-well ex-husband.  The romantic relationship between the druggist and the newcomer is in slow-cook mode for much of the movie, as they build a strong and endearing friendship.  Garner is at his best and Field, well, I really, really like her.  And this movie.  “How do you like your eggs?”  4½ cans.

18.  Room* (2015) – Had I seen this movie last year, it would have been high on my list of best movies.  Kudos to director Lenny Abrahamson for delivering a warm yet intense story about Joy (Brie Larson in an Oscar-winning role), a young mother, and her five-year old son (the remarkable Jacob Tremblay), who are held captive in a garden shed.  How you coax a performance like this one out of a very young actor is astonishing to me.  Their only view of the world is through a skylight on the top of the tiny building where they are kept.  Their supplies are provided grudgingly by their captor, who lured Joy off the street seven years earlier and is the boy’s father.  The child’s only frame of reference is “Room,” as they call their living quarters, which is locked electronically.  The boy has never been outside and has no sense of the world outside his prison.  The mother teaches the bright boy, and somehow they manage to exist and endure under horrifying conditions.  To say more would spoil the plot, so I will refrain.  Let’s just say the movie was captivating, and that you can build a world no matter what your circumstances.  Powerful stuff.  4 cans.

19.  The Lady in the Van* (2016) – This movie, billed as “mostly true,” is the quirky tale of a feisty woman named Mary or Margaret (Maggie Smith) who parks her van and her life on the street in front of the home of writer Alan Bennett(who plays himself) and stays there – for two decades.  Mary is feisty and odiferous, living in squalor and refusing assistance from professionals.  A former nun and pianist, Mary is nothing if not determined to guide her own fate, and she is demanding and overbearing.  Her bright yellow van eventually becomes a staple in the driveway of Bennett’s home.  The neighbors think of her as a blight on their community, yet they are oddly curious about her.  As much as he abhors the idea of having her around, Bennett feels responsible and cares for her – at arm’s length.  This is one strange story, uplifted by Maggie Smith as the willful and unkempt woman. It’s worth taking a ride to the movies to see the lady in the van.  3½ cans.

20.  Paper Clips (2004) – If you can watch this moving documentary without either a giant lump in your throat or crying, you have no heart.  This is the true story of a middle school in Whitwell, Tennessee, where the students undertook a project to study the Holocaust.  The very white, very Baptist community was lacking diversity of any kind, but one of the teachers suggested they study the extermination of Jews during World War II.  The students could not grasp the concept of 6 million people losing their lives, so they decided to reach out to ask people to send them paper clips, each of which would represent a life lost.  When two journalists picked up the story, the project became widely known.  But the collection of paper clips was just the beginning.  This is a warm and inspiring story, profound in its lessons, unlikely in its origin and it touches my heart in the way few things can do.  This story is not about death.  It is about life.  5 cans.  

21.  Radio Flyer* (1992) – This is a great movie if you are into fantasy and child abuse.  I am not a fan of either.  Little Bobby is beaten on a regular basis by his cruel stepfather with his incredibly neglectful mother completely oblivious to the bruises inflicted on the poor boy by her alcoholic husband (whose face we never really see).  He and his older brother Mike (Elijah Wood, with his huge eyes, and voiceover by Tom Hanks) do whatever they can to avoid interacting with the evil stepfather.  Their dream is to build a plane that young Bobby can fly to make his getaway.  I don’t want to spoil the plot (though I don’t recommend you see the movie), but the whole notion of two kids tinkering in a garage and making an airplane out of spare parts I found preposterous.  The relationship between the two boys is sweet, but we never know why the younger one is the only target for the abuse, and I certainly didn’t get how the mother completely missed the signs.  This movie was recommended by a friend, but it is clear to me that we don’t have the same taste in movies.  Sorry.  2 cans.

22. The Shawshank Redemption (1984) – Get busy living or get busy dying.  On the surface, there is nothing cheery about men incarcerated in a dreary Maine prison, yet the story is so powerful, extolling the virtues of establishing bonds, looking out for each other, believing in hope, and humanizing an otherwise inhuman place and experience.  The writing (based on a Stephen King story), the direction, the acting, the characters – all combine to make this film a memorable movie experience.  Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman head the cast, two men whose only common bond is that they are convicted murderers (although everyone at the prison claims to be innocent) but they build an unbreakable friendship built on respect, loyalty and hope.  They appear to be doomed to live out the rest of their days in this morose and lonely place.  But Robbins’ Andy Dufresne brings light and humanity into their mostly harrowing existence.  He manages to expand the prison library, to encourage the inmates to pursue education, he gets the guards to serve them beer as the crew works at tarring a roof, and, in one unforgettable scene, he locks himself in the warden’s office and blasts opera music into the prison yard, all while sitting back with a satisfied smile on his face.  I was in the hospital back in 2000, recovering from pretty significant surgery and hoping to be released the next day.  I was very anxious; nothing could ease my mind.  And then this movie started airing on the tiny TV above my bed, like a visit from an old friend.  It helped me get through the night.  If you have never seen Shawshank, do yourself a favor and watch it – not just once, but several times.  It is beautiful.  5 cans.

23.  Moonstruck (1987) – It must be my month for old favorites, and this Cher-starrer is high on my list.  She is Loretta Castorini, a widowed woman from a strong Italian family who agrees to marry Johnny Camararie (Danny), a man with whom she is not in love. But when she meets Johnny’s younger brother, Ronnie (Nicholas Cage), the passion boils over between them.  Cher won the Oscar for her performance.  This is a warm, funny and utterly enjoyable movie, enhanced by a thousand details about being Italian (I’m not, but my best friends are) and lit by a brilliant moon.  Ciao, bella.  4½ cans.

24.  The Face of Love* (2013) – Generally speaking, I associate Annette Bening with intelligent roles but in fairly light movies.  This one does not fit that genre.  Here she is Nikki, who is completely in love with her husband, Garrett (Ed Harris, a favorite of mine).  But Garrett drowns while they are on vacation, and she rids the house of his things even as she copes with the tragedy of his loss.  Fast forward five years, and she happens upon a man named Tom, an art instructor and artist who is an absolute doppelganger for the late Garrett.  She is immediately enamored and determined to have a relationship with this man based solely on his resemblance to Garrett.  I have to say the movie is a little creepy, and it veers into fantasy (not my genre at all), as Nikki herself looks like she is drowning in the deep end of the gene pool.  Still, it is nice to see women of a certain age get to play vibrant – if a little crazed – women with sex lives, proving that they’re not dead after age 50.  3 cans.

My Meandering Mind

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, they say.  Unless, of course, it kills you.

Wouldn’t it be great if “writer’s block” referred to an Algonquin Roundtable-like neighborhood populated by a myriad of clever authors and not to the phenomenon of being at a complete loss for words?

You know you are indecisive if you can’t even figure out which socks to wear.

A friend of mine swears her first husband divorced her because she couldn’t load the dishwasher properly.  Let’s just say it’s a good thing that I’m not married.

I absolutely cannot read a magazine without first tearing out those annoying subscription cards and offers. 

People magazine just sent me an offer to renew my subscription, which doesn’t expire until November of this year.  Seriously?  Pay now for a subscription that doesn’t expire for 10 months?  I don’t think so.

How do my socks escape from the dryer?  Should I expect to find a pile of them outside my house, near the dryer vent?  And why is it that pairs never go missing?  It is always one sock from one pair and one sock from another.  From now on, I will buy the same socks all of the time so I can make my own pairs.  I’ll outfox those sneaky socks yet.

Can someone explain how/why the washing machine gets dirty?  It’s not like I work on an oil rig and come home with filthy clothes.  I actually do too much laundry, so nothing is ever that dirty.  Yet, I find that I need to wipe down the inside of the machine every now and then because I guess soap and water just don’t do the trick. 

I just received an interest payment of 16 cents on my checking account.  I wonder how much it costs the bank to process that?  And I am waiting for a bill from the doctor’s office for 99 cents, the portion of the payment that Medicare and my J&J insurance didn’t cover.  High finance in the Gordon household.

I may have hit the epitome of laziness today.  I bought a package of peeled hard-boiled eggs.  I mean, who doesn’t have 15 minutes to make a hard-boiled egg?  And then peel it?  And get rid of the smelly shells?  I guess that would be me.

I can’t even imagine how much dirt I have consumed in my lifetime.  It’s not like anyone can really scrub a potato completely clean.

I’m sleeping so badly lately that I am considering installing a sound system that simulates being in a movie theater (where I have no trouble sleeping), complete with the sounds of people munching popcorn, unwrapping cellophane-wrapped candies, talking to each other and coughing.  And I’ll leave the TV on so I get the total theater experience.  Maybe I’ll even sleep sitting up.  I don’t care what it takes, as long as I can sleep.

Those Amazon Deals of the Day are so intriguing.  Today I found myself looking at a serger.  I don’t know anything about sewing or what a serger does, but I looked.  They just reel you in!

If the doctor’s office really needs your detailed medical history, why are the spaces on that form so small?  At this age, my medical history is more like an anthology than a short story.  And does it really matter at what age I had the measles?  Trust me when I tell you it was a half a century ago.  That’s as specific as I can get.

What with the recent blizzard, I can’t help but wonder:  How do the people who operate the snowplows get to the plows?  Do they sleep near the road all night, in a running plow?  Do they start when there is just a smattering of snow?  And when they are done, who digs out their cars?

Don’t you just love it when you are feeling the epitome of cool and you look down and find a trail of toilet paper stuck to your shoe?  That just kills the cool, doesn’t it?

Who else would geek out over having lunch with Marry Norris, grammarian extraordinaire and a sister alumna from Douglass College?  Mary wrote a book called “Between You and Me: Confessions of a Comma Queen.”  I not only bought this book for myself, but two friends bought it and gave it to me.  Clearly, Mary and I have a lot in common.  I mean, I could have spent our entire luncheon debating the merits of the Oxford comma and how to punctuate within a quote, but that’s my grammar nerd in full bloom.  Mary turned out to be warm and funny and full of good stories.  I commend the AADC for getting her to come and do a lecture for students, alumnae and staff this coming April.  If she has a fan club, I’m running for president.

I’m not sure I want to live in a world where Sean Penn has any role in international diplomacy.

Don’t you hate it when you are vacuuming and some little piece of fuzz refuses to get sucked up and you don’t want to give in and bend down to pick it up, but you finally do and then you place it back on the floor and try to suck it up again figuring that now it is loose and ready to disappear into the vortex?  Of course this sentence could have ended with, “Don’t you hate it when you are vacuuming?” 

How is it on days when I don’t actually go anywhere that by the end of the day I have spent an hour and a half driving and have logged 100 miles on the car?

There’s always that one damn crumb that you just can’t shake out of the toaster.

Oprah and I have a lot in common.  Sure, she’s a multi-millionaire with a staff pf people, fame and fortune, and her own TV studio.  But she has a weight problem just like the rest of us (or many of the people I know).  Now she’s on Weight Watchers (are you seeing the connection?) and she is telling us on TV that she LOVES bread!  Me, too, Oprah!  And she is eating it every day (keep going) and she’s lost 26 pounds already.  OK, I dropped 80 a few years back, but I’m back at it again to erase the pounds that found their way back to my hips and butt.  I bet Oprah has someone who tracks her food for her, unlike the rest of us.  And the key difference between us is that she invested money in WW stock (which immediately rose after her purchase – the Oprah effect), where I just invest my money monthly as I pay my membership fee.  So at the end of the day, we will both be thinner, but Oprah will be richer.  Since she started that way, I can live with that.  I hope to see less of you, Oprah!

To me, more friendships die of attrition and neglect than anything else.  You want to get together, but you’re too busy.  You forget to answer that e-mail, you meant to send that text.  Soon, you are no longer exchanging Christmas cards, and you stop trying to schedule nights out.  True friendships are sustained by effort, by keeping in touch – not constantly, but intermittently enough (or more) to show you really want to have that relationship.  And when you do get back together, it is like you never skipped a beat.  If that doesn’t happen, it wasn’t a real friendship all along, just a situational relationship where some common interest(s) bound you together for some moments in time.  Friends are everything.  Work harder to keep the ones worth keeping.












 

Tina's January 2016 Movies

Here we go for another year of watching movies new and old.  Numbering will continue throughout the year.  Movies are rated on a scale of 1 to 5 cans of tuna, with 5 being the top rating.  Movies marked with an asterisk are ones I have not seen previously.

1.  Steve Jobs: The Man in the Machine* (2015) – Documentary maker Alex Gibney delves into the life and success for the legendary Steve Jobs, the man behind Apple.  A genius of design and desire, Jobs was able to define consumer needs and create products we never imagined and now cannot live without.  Think Mac computers, the iPhone and the iPad.  In his two stints at Apple – first creating the company along with buddy Steve Wozniak, and later returning as CEO after being ousted by his hand-picked successor – Jobs delivered the goods and was considered God-like by many consumers who flocked to hear him speak or camped out to be the first to buy an Apple product.  But Jobs was not all he tried to portray.  He fathered a daughter whom he denied was his, claiming infertility in court papers (proven wrong by a paternity test).  He eschewed philanthropy and didn’t hesitate to bully employees and industry peers to get his way – and his cut of the money.  But there is no denying that he is at least partially responsible for creating the personal computer and his fertile mind gave life to many iterations of new consumer electronics that affect the way we live.  His impact will live on and probably grow in size as there will likely be no one who can take his place.  4 cans.
2. The Big Short* (2015) – Although it took two trips to the theater to see this movie (my first trip was interrupted by a fire alarm and I didn’t go back until 3 days later), and despite the fact that the topic here was the crash in the mortgage industry that nearly decimated the American economy, still, I found this unlikely source of theatrical entertainment a powerful yet amusing mélange of characters and financial folderol.  Just a few very smart, very analytical people foresaw the inevitable crisis in a mortgage market that was built on a house of cards – people financing homes with little down and little chance to pay off their easily acquired mortgages and betting that the housing boom would continue.  These guys bet against it, or shorted it, and eventually, they were proven prescient.  Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling (be still my heart) and Brad Pitt star as the financial movers and shakers.  I don’t know who decides that a movie about an arcane economic issue should be made – and considered, at least according to the Golden Globes, a comedy – but this is a good story, well told.  Put me down for 3½ cans. 
3.  Selena* (1997) – Selena was a very popular Mexican-American singer bursting with talent and personality who started singing professionally in her family’s band.  After years of working county fairs and less than exciting venues, she finally hit it big and gained immense popularity, until she was tragically shot and killed by the president of her fan club, who was stealing money from her.  Jennifer Lopez brings plenty of energy, charm and talent to the role of the appealing Selena, and, despite the fact that this is a true story and we know how it ends, it was jarring when the tragedy unfolded.  I probably would not have selected this film to see, but it was highly recommended by a friend who loves it.  I can’t say I share her enthusiasm, but I am glad I saw it.  3 cans.
4.  Broadcast News (1987) – Producer/director James L. Brooks is behind some of my favorite movies and TV shows, among them the classic Mary Tyler Moore sitcom and the unforgettable “Terms of Endearment.”  Here he helms the story of one brilliant and feisty TV news producer, Jane (Holly Hunter), who becomes entrapped in a love triangle with solid writer and sardonic wit Aaron Altman (Albert Brooks) and a handsome but vapid news anchor anointed for success by network honchoes, Tom Grunick (William Hurt).  Tom arrives in the Washington Bureau bereft of the gravitas needed to anchor, but his appearance – he looks the part of an anchorman – more than makes up for his lack of experience.  With Jane leading him through a news crisis, he looks like he will succeed in the anchor chair and in winning her heart, despite the fact that she is better suited for the intelligence of Aaron.  Jane has to be in control – she even dictates to DC cab drivers exactly the route she wants them to drive – but she lets her heart almost get in the way of her head.  This movie skewers the news, the values we place on style vs. substance and the running of a news operation.  Holly Hunter even without the others is worth watching, and she has two great co-stars.  4½ cans.
5.  50 Shades of Grey* (2015) – Where do I begin to describe this inane, tortured and thoroughly unentertaining look at a man and his obsessions and a young woman torn between self-respect and fulfilling his every need?  All I know is that lead actress Dakota Johnson must have very embarrassed parents (actors Melanie Griffiths and Don Johnson) if they watched her -- mostly naked and always compromised -- in this awful film version of the book (which I never read).  Jamie Dornan plays billionaire Christian Grey (a man with major mommy issues) in a way that could not be colder or more boring.  Lots of sex, nudity and stuff I don’t even want to describe.  Let’s just say I won’t be watching any possible sequels.  1 can. 
6.  Trophy Kids* (2013) – Watching this HBO documentary on parents obsessed with their kids’ athletic development reminded me of reading tennis great Andre Agassi’s book, where he declares his hatred of his sport.  Badgered and abused by his father, Agassi did go on to excel in his sport, but the kids in this movie are too young for us to know how they eventually will fare.  The film follows two high school freshmen male basketball players, a football player, twin boys who play tennis, and a young girl who plays golf.  All but the tennis twins are subjected to threats, cruelty and verbal abuse by their fathers, all of whom are pushing, pushing, pushing them to excel – even when the athletes themselves seem to have little interest in their sport beyond wanting to please their fathers.  The tennis twins are being raised by their very Zen-like mother, who wants them to “fulfill their essence,” but the other kids are subjected to extra practices at dawn, provided with coaches and trainers, all, it would seem, in an effort to fulfill their parents’ vision of sports careers.  The fathers fancy themselves as experts in the chosen sport and take on the role of erstwhile coach – and bully.  The basketball fathers are particularly distasteful, verbally abusing officials, and, in one case, lobbying to get the coach fired because his kid didn’t play enough.  None of the kids are asked their preferences or whether they want to continue to play.  These parents should be banned from ever having children.  3½ cans (of tennis balls?).
7.  Still Alice (2014) – Julianne Moore won an Oscar for Best Actress last year for her portrayal of the title character in this sobering story of a woman diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s.  Alice is an intelligent, charming woman, a linguistics professor at Columbia University, living in New York with her husband and enjoying her life.  Only 50, she is disturbed when she notices a tendency to forget things, and she goes to a neurologist who diagnoses her.  Moore shows every nuance of a vibrant woman who is perplexed, disappointed and confused as she becomes someone she doesn’t recognize.  Alec Baldwin plays her husband, who is also affected deeply by watching his wife deteriorate.  This is not a happy tale, but it certainly sheds light on this horrible disease.  Moore is perfection.  4 ½ cans.
8.  Waitress (2007) – Being a waitress isn’t an easy job, and it is especially hard if you live with an abusive husband who is ready to pounce at any moment.  Keri Russell is Jenna, baker of pies for Joe’s Pie House (and diner) and one of three waitresses there.  She is furious to find out that she is pregnant by her nasty husband Earle (Jeremy Sisto) and falls into a physical relationship with her OB/GYN (Nathan Fillion).  Will she ever serve up the guts to kick her husband out?  Will she keep the baby?  Will she win the pie-baking contest?  This movie is destined for Broadway next season – as a musical – but I wasn’t so thrilled with my second serving of it.  3 cans and a slice of any of the luscious looking pies that co-star. 
9.  The Longest Ride* (2015) – You can count on Nicholas Sparks to deliver the goods in each of the adaptations of his romantic novels.  There are always attractive, white people who are star-crossed lovers, there’s always a scene in the rain or water, and the action – such as it is – takes place in his home territory of North Carolina.  Here, handsome and rugged Scott Eastwood (yes, son of Clint, but better looking) is Luke, a bull-riding cowboy who wants to make enough money to pay off his mother’s ranch despite the risks or his profession.  He meets college student Sophia (Britt Robertson), who is studying art and about to head to New York to pursue her career.  They save an elderly man, Ira (Alan Alda) after he crashes his car and both strike up a friendship with Ira.  Another Sparks device is to have parallel stories about the characters.  In this case, Ira has a treasure trove of letters he wrote to his now-deceased wife, revealing their courtship, marriage and tribulations.  In typical Sparks fashion, everything will eventually be resolved, but there are obstacles to overcome even as love abounds.  Not a terrible movie, but on a scale of “The Notebook” being the best Sparks, this one finishes far behind.  3 cans.
10.  Whiplash (2014) – Talk about intense!  Andy (Miles Teller) is an aspiring jazz drummer who is enrolled in a prestigious New York music school where the band instructor is the intimidating Fletcher (J. K. Simmons, who won Best Supporting Actor in last year’s Oscars and told everyone to talk to their parents; nicely done, sir).  We have all seen movies where the teacher/coach pushes the students to make them achieve their full potential, but this maniacal musician is a bully and tyrant.  He is less interested in them as people and more interested in achieving his own brand of perfection.  Andy is a dedicated student, one who practices on the drums until his hands bleed, and who crawls out from under a car to get to a concert and play while battered and bruised.  But nothing, no amount of effort, is enough to satisfy the tyrannical Fletcher.  I don’t want to give away the plot, but in the end, Andy shows he’s got the right stuff. I wasn’t familiar with Miles Teller before this movie and wondered if he was a musician.  I don’t know much about music, but the speed with which he moves his hands to play the drums to the tempo dictated by the relentless instructor is truly astonishing.  When I first saw this movie, I considered it among the best of the year and I have not changed my mind.  4½ cans.
11.  The Young Philadelphians (1959) – Two words:  Paul Newman.  A young, handsome Paul Newman plays Anthony Judson Lawrence, born into Philadelphia society and determined to earn his way to the top.  If that means postponing his wedding to society deb Joan (Barbara Rush) so that her father can finance his education, he can make that deal.  But as he grows in stature as a lawyer, how many compromises is he willing to make?  Newman is dashing and gorgeous, and he could tell me “Don’t pump it, floor it,” anytime, whether or not it had anything to do with cars.  4 cans.
12.  An Affair to Remember (1957) – Forget Christian Grey and his whips and chains.  If you want to see a real man who can turn you on, check out Cary Grant in a suit or a tux.  Grants plays Nicky Ferrante, erstwhile artist and reformed playboy, who meets the lovely singer Terry McKay (Deborah Kerr) on a transatlantic cruise.  While their flirting is full-on, we never see more than a few fervent kisses.  Because they are both involved with others, the pair agrees to wait six months and meet at the top of the Empire State Building to see if they can have a future together.  Alas, a tragic event prevents them from getting together.  Is there a woman alive over 40 who has never seen this classic weepie?  Grant is totally handsome and appealing, and Kerr oozes charm and quiet resolve.  And the scene where they visit his grandmother (Cathleen Nesbitt, in a small but memorable part) is unforgettable.  This is a Movie to Remember. If for some strange reason you DON’T like/love this movie, please don’t tell me because we cannot possibly be friends.  4½ cans.

Last. Dead Last.

The good news is that we finished.  I have the ribbon to prove it.  The bad news is that I came in last. Absolutely last.  Roll up the sidewalks and shut down the timer last.

Every year for the past 4 years my sister Nancy and I have participated in the New Year’s Day “Resolution Run” in Hillsborough, a 5K run/walk “race” that meanders through the streets of a development adjacent to the Municipal Building.  We layer up – after all, January 1 is customarily COLD – eventually putting on the heavy, nice sweatshirts provided to all entrants, and we line up outside ready to walk.  

Here I should say that walking is a typical activity for each of us.  We both walk often.  In the summer, Nancy walks before work, at lunchtime and, when the days are long enough, she’ll hit the streets for an evening stroll.  I walk, too, though not as often as she does.  But the idea of doing this activity together and starting the year off right was appealing to both of us, so we signed up.

Not that I had high hopes, because, in year one, I finished dead last.  In the next two years, I managed to lower my time a bit, trying to finish in under one hour.  In 2015 I made it by seconds.  That year we finished ahead of the lady with the hula hoop.  Not the lady who comes every year and hoops her way through Hillsborough (who didn’t show up this time around), but the lady with the hula hoop whose husband owns the local ice cream shop.  We were determined to finish ahead of her last year, and we did.  There was an older couple walking behind us, but I was convinced they had a finishing kick, so we rallied to stay ahead of them.

But this year, no such luck.  

The runners, of course, immediately passed us.  By the time we finish, I picture them at home, munching on a protein bar and watching the Rose Parade on TV.  But even the walkers had what I’ll call a leg up on us, and soon we were at the back of the pack.  As everyone passed us, only a very large man trailed us, and he huffed and puffed his way behind us for the first mile.  Since he didn’t keel over, he became bolder and passed us.  And we let him go.

As you walk this 3.2 mile race, the people in the neighborhood come out to greet you, cheer for you, sound cow bells and encourage you.  Not that we don’t appreciate that, but we let them know that their duties have ended when we pass, since we bring up the rear.

Maybe it’s the layering?  

We saw plenty of people in shorts, many in those thin-looking pants they wear for yoga and workouts.  Several not only didn’t wear coats, they wore t-shirts in 40-degree and windy weather (not so windy, but windy enough).  I actually saw goosebumps on the arms of one guy at the starting blocks.  Clearly, he did not have Sylvia Gordon as his mother.  I can still hear her admonish us, “Wear a hat!”  My mother would look out the window and declare the temperature cold.  She made me wear a coat over my Halloween costume!  We always were forced to wear enough layers that the only possible snow activity was to make snow angels.  

We learned our lessons well.  My sister wore 4 layers this year.  I had on long johns under my heaviest sweatpants, one of those long-sleeve dry-fit shirts, a fleece top, a sweatshirt and a jacket.  You couldn’t even see my official number until I unzipped the jacket.  This year we did not need the hand warmers, but my sister – who typically eschews all forms of headwear – broke out the fleece headband.  I donned my official winter walking hat, a 2006 Torino Winter Olympics model issued by Johnson & Johnson.  I particularly favor this one because it has flaps for my ears.  I have been known to put in my headphones, put down the flaps and add earmuffs for the glamourous look I’m after.  Picture it with a hooded sweatshirt and scarf and you’ll get the picture.

So maybe the layering slowed us down.

My sister, who is maybe an inch taller than I am and in much better shape, was perplexed as to why we were last and why we couldn’t move faster.  Usually we look for the sure bets.  One year we saw a woman fall down in the parking lot on the way to registration and we set our sights on beating her.  She passed us.  Another year a man was pushing a baby carriage, and once a father carried his son on his shoulders.

They beat us, too.

But don’t feel sorry for us.  Feel sorry for the people who would like to participate but can’t.  Or those people who won’t try, or who have given up.  We haven’t.  

My contention is this – at least I am doing this.  Before I joined Weight Watchers in 2011, my idea of exercise was getting off the couch and walking to the kitchen for a snack.  At least I am outside, getting some exercise, and exposing about 6 square inches of my body to the sun’s rays for that much-needed Vitamin D.  

For my sister and me, it is just a day when we get to take a walk together, when we can exchange mind-numbingly boring chatter and catch up.  It isn’t about time or speed or beating someone.  It is about starting the new year off right.

So why is she already telling me I had better start training for next year because I am holding her back?  Because she is determined for us NOT to finish last again.  

To help assure that the results will be better, I have embarked on a new campaign of walking by joining a walking class at the Clubhouse in my community.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays you can find me in the ballroom (the snazziest “gym” I have ever seen) watching a DVD exercise program led by the relentlessly cheery walking DVD guru, Leslie Sansone.

Leslie and her cohorts walk, side step, jog, power walk – all inside – for 30-60 minutes, during which time she encourages, cajoles, instructs and talks her way through a series of exercises designed to keep you moving.  She chirps away her instructions without ever getting short of breath – which would be a fatal flaw in an exercise instructor, I suppose.  She talks directly to the audience, almost making me believe she can see me, although if she could, she probably wouldn’t be all that cheery.  She is surrounded by people of all sizes and ages, all of whom look strangely thrilled to be seen in public in their workout clothes.  Some really power through the workout, while some go through the routine moderately.  My heroes.  

Following along with Leslie and co., I realize how uncoordinated I really am.  Move my arms and my legs?  I’m not sure they operate that way.  I am likely to trip over the carpet or knock myself out.  Kick AND reach up?  Whoa, that sounds like a dance routine.  I shudder to think of me attempting Zumba without medical professionals on high alert.

But the point is, I am walking, and working.  After all, Oprah says she could have her best body yet this year, so why not?  

And maybe, just maybe, at the 2017 Resolution Run, my sister and I will NOT finish last.  Dead last.