May Meditations

1.    Have you ever paid full-price for anything at Kohl’s? If so, why? There are always sales and they give out Kohl’s cash every time you buy something to entice you to come back (trust me, it works). I can sense that Kohl’s cash burning a hole in my pocket! And then there are the coupons, which, for me, always seem to be 30% off. Maybe the constant discounts will eventually drive Kohl’s out of business, but right now, their philosophy works for me. It seems that the amount they tell me I saved on the receipt is more than the cost of the entire purchase. It’s Kohl’s math!
2.    I don’t know whether the bags under my eyes are getting better or whether I am just getting used to them.
3.    My surgically-repaired (2019) right shoulder is acting up again, probably from too much exercise (who would have thought that could happen to me?)! Today I put a pain patch on it and I think the way that works is that that you are so distracted by the strong scent of wintergreen/menthol soothing ingredient that eventually you forget the pain.
4.    Everyone I know seems to have joint pain – a knee, a shoulder, a wrist. I haven’t heard this much discussion about joints since the 1970s!
5.    If you are looking for a new car and want to see various models without going to a dealer, just peruse the parking lot at my health and fitness club. Every kind of car you can imagine is there. There is even one of those hideous Tesla trucks that seem to have no windows, as if the driver is crossing a field of plutonium. 
6.    I have one very annoying habit (actually, I have many but I’m not going to bore you with a complete list): I open a cabinet, remove what I am looking for and then leave the cabinet open. Why? Am I going to grab more than one Tupperwear container? Another plate? And since I live alone, there’s no one to blame but me! That’s OK, I’ll give myself a good talking-to.
7.    Don’t you hate it when you bite the inside of your cheek and your tongue keeps going there?
8.    Does anyone around my age sleep through the night? Sure, I can sleep soundly on the couch after lunch, but going to bed, falling asleep and staying asleep? Everyone I know says they are up at 4 or 5 or 6 am. It’s at least partially related to having to use the bathroom, but no one can sleep. When I worked, I couldn’t get up in the morning. Now I don’t work and I can’t sleep. Life seems unfair sometimes.
9.    A friend of mine and I were discussing having to take certain medications for the rest of our lives. That would have been more of a big deal if I were 30 years old than it seems now that I am 75 and the rest of my life will be considerably shorter than the first part.
10.    I get bills from my doctors now in the mail, as an email attachment, on their apps and in text messages. I had better keep good records or I’ll be paying that bill multiple times!
11.    To be a good fitness instructor, you have to be enthusiastic and have bright, uplifting energy even at very early times in the morning. You also have to be in great shape and know how to count backwards: “That’s 8, 7, 6…” I don’t qualify for even one requirement, but I do my best to follow along in the water at my aqua exercise classes.
12.    Road etiquette: If you need to merge, I will let you in, but don’t keep inching your way right next to me looking for a one-more-car advantage. Take the opening I gave you and GO! And when you do go, give me a nod or a wave to acknowledge my good deed. Don’t leave me hanging and questioning my politeness!
13.    My real estate tax bill came in and I paid it, forgetting that I had set up automatic payments with the money being withdrawn from my bank and going directly to the local tax office. Oops! I went to the office to request a refund and was informed that it would take months to get the funds back, so I might as well wait until the next quarterly taxes were due and have the amount credited for that payment. Funny how they can take the money SO FAST, but giving it back is nearly impossible.
14.    With stores closing left and right, we sometimes have no choice but to order things online. When the blankets I ordered (buy one, get one free) came in and they were not big enough (despite being advertised as queen-sized), I contacted the company about returning them. Although they were shipped from the US, they told me that all returns have to go to their facility in GERMANY. Really? That’s going to cost most of my refund. So, they offered to let me keep the blankets and, for my inconvenience, they will ship me a new one in a larger size for free. So now I will have 3 blankets – and no refund. This is my reminder to read the small print on the return policy when ordering anything, just in case.
15.    I read that my beloved Bed, Bath and Beyond soon will be reopening retail stores, mostly through a partnership with the Container Store. And guess who kept most of her BBB coupons? Somehow, I knew they would come in handy one day!
16.    My superpower is guessing numbers. This skill works for guessing the time on the clock in the middle of the night, on the timer when I am grilling steaks and on things like the word count on documents. It does not work on the Lottery or in a casino at roulette, unfortunately.
17.    Italian food is my favorite, and I love the traditions and culture of Italy. Many of my best friends are Italian, and Italians have much in common with Jewish people. But I know I will never be accepted as an Italian because I break my spaghetti before I cook it and I use a spoon to twirl it. So, I have no chance of being mistaken for a real Italian.
18.    If you ever have the opportunity to make a sandwich for me, please make sure you cut it on the diagonal. I can’t eat sandwiches cut straight. 
19.    Speaking of sandwiches, my mother probably made me a million tuna fish sandwiches since that was my choice of sandwich growing up. They had to be Bumble Bee Tuna, solid white fancy, packed in oil - later, water, when that option became available. No mayo, no celery, just plain tuna on white bread – preferably Duggan’s or Wonder. If there was no tuna in the house, my mother would go door-to-door in the neighborhood seeking Bumble Bee. If she was desperate enough, she would borrow a can of Chicken of the Sea. One bite and I would know it wasn’t Bumble Bee; I would check the garbage can to verify my suspicions. When I went to college, the cashier at the supermarket questioned my mother about the lack of tuna in her shopping cart and she would have to explain that I was not home. When I moved into my own apartment, I bought my own tuna and made my own sandwiches, but they lacked that special touch of Mom’s. When I would go to Mom’s, I would come into the house singing the Carly Simon song, “Nobody Does It Better,” to charm her into making me another Bumble Bee tuna sandwich, because nobody COULD do it better. I wish I had just one more sandwich made by the late, great Sylvia Gordon.