May or May Not

Even if no one else is thinking about me today, at least I know that the folks at Swimsuits for All miss me very much. They emailed me to let me know. You don't think they are trying to get me to buy something, do you?

They really like me at CVS. They are always asking me for my date of birth. I think they are planning a big birthday party for me!

My Lifetime Health Club offers complimentary coffee and conversation every Wednesday morning. I don’t drink coffee, but maybe I’ll just go for the complimentary conversation to see if anyone says anything complimentary about me.

Red Lobster just announced that is closing its doors. I guess that "endless shrimp" isn't quite so endless now.

It's official. I have lost my mind and can no longer be trusted with important household decisions, like buying the Select-a-Size paper towels. Somehow, I bought the full-sheet size. My punishment for this transgression is that I will have to cut or rip the sheets so I don’t waste the full sheet on something that deserves no more than a half of a small sheet. I cannot be trusted!

Did you know that Barry Manilow did NOT write his classic, “I Write the Songs?” It was written by Bruce Johnston of the Beach Boys. Ironic, no?

I’m still trying to figure out how I went to the Dollar Store for a strainer and walked out $25 later. It must have been the baking soda. And hat’s off to baking soda. You not only can use it in baking, but surely you have a box in your fridge to neutralize odors (or you should!). You can use it to unclog the sink, clean fruit, relieve a diaper rash, clean your oven and wash your clothes. And if you go to the Dollar Store, you can buy name brand Arm & Hammer for $1.25. BS is the MVP (Most Valuable Product)!

Confession: Summer started in April this year, the day I bought ice cream. I broke my own rule about not eating ice cream from Labor Day to Memorial Day. Please don’t turn me in if there is, in fact, a tribunal that regulates these things. I’m still solid on no soup in the summer, however.

My printer makes these random noises that sound like it is about to print something, even if I haven’t sent anything to the printer. I guess it wants me to know that it is ready when I am.

I had to pick up a prescription at CVS that was so expensive that even the person ringing me up asked, “Are you aware of the cost of this prescription?” I am aware and had checked previously with the insurance company to make sure the charge was correct. Sadly, it was.

I went to my doctor for my annual physical and I don’t know which one of us had more questions. She wanted to know what vaccines I had gotten, when my other doctors’ appointments took place, and she recommended going to a podiatrist to look at a nasty blister on my toe. I let her know about some recent medical issues that she needed to follow and I told her that my orthopedist thinks I need a knee replacement. I have something in my armpit scheduled to be removed, I can’t get rid of this congestion, especially in the morning, and my hair is thinning. I swear, when I was done, I could picture Roseanne Rosanadada talking about Mr. Richard Feder from Ft. Lee, NJ! Yet the doctor said I was doing great. She didn’t even tell me to lose weight. Are you looking at the right chart? You know it’s me, right?

I had to call a doctor’s office today after not having been there for about 20 years. Would you believe I was still in the computer? Amazing!

Going to the dentist for a cleaning and x-rays is the dental equivalent to going to the gynecologist for a pap smear. You know you have to do it, but you hate it. They both shine lights and stick metal objects into your orifices and you know that will be uncomfortable. The command to “bite down” for the x-ray while the device practically permeates your soft palate is similar to the gynecologist’s command to “scoot down and relax.” You know the pain is coming. 

Does anyone get anything useful out of those ValPak and MoneyMailer coupon packets that come in the mail? It seems there is a special focus on garage doors, siding and roofing, bugs and pests, and windows and doors. Right into the recycling pile for me.

I bought Crazy Glue, which touts its strength as 1000 pounds. I hope that is enough to glue the broken handle back onto a Corningwear bowl that I use for fruit and ice cream (not together!). I have had a set of three bowls forever, which makes me wonder if I once had four…

I’m so accustomed to paying my bills online – either through automatic payments or by going on a supplier’s portal – that writing a check for a random service that doesn’t allow online payments seems antiquated and unnecessary. And if I ask someone to “venmo” me the money they owe me and they DON’T use Venmo, I take it as a personal affront.

I only buy striped sheets – not boldly striped; subtle tone on tone works, too – because when I make the bed it is easy to see which way they go.  As we know, I can’t fold them, but those stripes come in handy when the sheets are changed.

The AC guy was in my basement for such a long time checking out my system that I was afraid of what he was going to find! I immediately ordered the new filters he recommended and I hoped he would be gone before Amazon delivered them!

My kingdom for a decent rom-com!

If you see me post on Facebook using an emoji that is supposed to look like me, please contact the authorities immediately. Someone has taken over my identity or has a gun to my head. I don’t even like the phony, made-up word EMOJI so I’m not about to start using those obnoxious symbols.

I have filled out so many forms for doctor appointments lately that it feels like a part-time job. I know they have to ask the questions, but can’t I just enter the things that have changed since the last time? My previous surgery dates remain the same, yet I have to review everything all over again. And then you check in online and they send you a QR code that you are supposed to bring with you to the appointment. I dutifully follow instructions, yet no office has ever asked me for that code or bothered to take it from me!

I don’t take well to change. Previously, I documented my disdain for the new Johnson & Johnson logo – and I use the word logo loosely since the traditional one in script was elegant and the new one is non-descript. I recently got a letter from my gynecologist to let me know the practice is no longer in a relationship with United Healthcare. If anyone thinks I will abandon my gynecologist at this age, think again (but please settle with United Healthcare!). Now my dentist informed me that he is retiring, effective this summer, and has sold the practice to another dentist. Coincidentally, I had an appointment with him the day after receiving the letter and I told him that I expected our relationship to be forever, not just for a measly 29 years! Last week I drove past the Christian Science Reading Room in Manville and noted that it is now a smoke shop. I still haven’t recovered from the closing many years ago of the Famous Gaston Avenue Bakery in Somerville (don’t get me started on the 7-layer cake and those cookies). The building was demolished, and a new police headquarters is being constructed there. I doubt they will have lines around the building on the day before Easter or Thanksgiving! I would have liked to shop for a dress for my nephew’s wedding at Lord & Taylor, but, alas, it, too, has left the mall and gone out of business. The former lamp shop, Capitol Lighting, is now an axe-throwing emporium (I hope there is a nearby Urgent Care). The Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Italian restaurant on Route 22 in Green Brook, long ago became a Japanese eatery. I know that things change and we have to change with them to survive, but I don’t have to like it, do I?
 

April 2024 Movies & More

Here are the movies and programs I watched in April. The rating system goes from 1-5, the top score, and titles noted with an asterisk were not seen previously. Numbering picks up from previous months.

38. The Nest* (2020, Netflix) – This movie is listed as a drama/horror movie, a genre I avoid, but it isn’t scary, just bizarre in some ways. Jude Law is Rory, a successful and rich British businessman living in the US with his wife Allison (Carrie Coon) and two kids. He gets an offer from his old boss in London and uproots the family, buying an enormous house that is old and kind of spooky and way too large for a family of four. Will his American wife and kids get used to their new home and adjust to living in England? Why is Rory so desperate to make business deals that seem only to benefit himself? What happened to the horse? If you watch, you will ask yourself these questions and more, but don’t feel compelled to view this movie. 3 cans.
39. Serendipity (2001, HBO) – Jonathan (John Cusack) and Sara (Kate Beckinsale) meet in Bloomingdales when each is trying to buy the same pair of cashmere gloves.  From their banter and immediate ease with each other, you can tell he’s smitten, but she is not one to jump into a relationship. He doesn’t get her number and barely gets her first name, but the encounter at the counter stays with them for the next 10 years as he keeps trying to find her and she waits for destiny to play its hand. Cusack is determined and adorable, assisted by his buddy Dean (Jeremy Piven) in trying to make the magic happen again. Romantic comedies have fallen out of favor in the 2020s, but this one from the early part of the 21st century reminded me of how good they were. 4 cans.
40. The Greatest Hits* (2024, Hulu) – I kept hearing Cher singing “If I Could Turn Back Time” throughout this time travel-fantasy movie. Harriet (Lucy Boynton) and Max (David Corenswet) are a young couple driving along and arguing when suddenly there is an accident. He doesn’t survive, and Harriet, a music producer, is transported back to moments in their lives every time she hears certain songs playing from those moments. Despite therapy and group counseling, she is so paralyzed by the songs that she wears a headset practically everywhere she goes to avoid hearing them. How can Harriet move forward in life with these memories dragging her back? This situation becomes worse when she starts to build a relationship with someone in the group, because how can he possibly understand. This movie was a bit convoluted but different enough to pique my interest. 3½ cans.
41. What Jennifer Did* (2024, Netflix) – Considering that this is a true crime documentary with a provocative title, it isn’t hard to figure out that Jennifer did something that wasn’t good. Through police interviews and exhaustive detective work, the authorities pieced together a story that you wouldn’t believe possible – except that it was true. I won’t give away the story, but I have to question one key component here that relates to a 911 call made by Jennifer herself. You really cannot underestimate how evil people can be. 4 cans.
42. Megan Leavey* (2024, Netflix) – This is a movie based on a real-life story, and although there are explosive war scenes, it is still less chilling than the movie above. Megan (Kate Mara) is a woman in her 20s, a little lost in life, stuck living at home with her mother and stepfather (Edie Falco and Will Patton) and going nowhere. On a whim, she enlists in the Marines, somehow makes it though basic training, and winds up working with the canine unit under the direction of a tough boss (Common). She and her highly trained dog become a very effective unit, saving countless lives by finding explosive devices in the desert. But all good things, they say…It amazed me how well trained the animals were in this movie, portraying dogs who sniff out explosives but also being dog actors. Megan’s Rex is scary but loyal and the story is a little predictable but a nice change from others I have seen this month. 3½ cans.
43. Norma Rae (1979, Cable TV) – Oscar winner Sally Field reminds us why we like her, we really, really like her in this outstanding film about a Southern textile factory and the fight to bring in a union to represent the workers. Her title character works on the plant floor. She’s poor, uneducated but has plenty of moxie and street smarts, which is why Ruben (Ron Liebman, equally outstanding here as a New York-based paid union organizer) recruits her to win over her co-workers. This is the South, and many of these people have worked in that dusty, unhealthy plant for decades, following their parents and grandparents, and while conditions are terrible, they feel an allegiance to the company and are grateful for a job. When Norma Rae stands up on that table holding aloft her handmade sign that says UNION, I always get chills. 4½ cans.
44. All Hands On Deck* (2019, Prime Video) – Irish hotelier and TV host Francis Brennan takes us behind the scenes on an enormous cruise ship as he takes over duties in each department. He makes pizza (not so well), works in the laundry, conducts land-tours during stops, and handles pouring champagne on a 650-glass pyramid in this lighthearted, 4-part documentary. I’m a sucker for most anything behind the scenes (I recently watched a show about how chocolate is made – and why not?), so this show was right up my alley. The army of people it takes to keep a luxury cruise ship in ship-shape is enormous, and Francis brought his charm and considerable experience as a hotelier along as he aimed to please the 4500 or so cruisers. 3½ cans.
45. Space Shuttle Columbia: The Final Flight* (2024, CNN) – It was just over 20 years ago that the space shuttle Columbia exploded on its way back to earth after a successful flight. This 4-part documentary examines the history of Columbia’s development as a “reusable” plane that was supposed to explore space and return safely to be used again. But as we know from the earlier Challenger tragedy, plans don’t always work out. In this case, the seven astronauts were unaware that a small piece of foam insulation became loose early in the flight and eventually made the shuttle disintegrate as it reentered the earth’s atmosphere, killing all members of the flight crew. There are droves of people working on these projects, and some of them were very concerned about what they saw protruding from part of the vehicle. The film spares no detail in blasting the NASA protocols that did not allow questioning and examining a possible danger on board. 3½ cans.
46. Scoop* (2024, Prime Video) – This is a painful dramatization of the BBC’s coverage of Prince Andrew’s friendship with convicted sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. When Epstein was arrested in New York, only to commit suicide (maybe) in prison days later, a link is established between the two via photographs taken years earlier of the two men in New York. Did the Prince partake in sex with young or underage girls? How friendly was he with Epstein? Why would he agree to appear on the BBC news program in an exclusive interview that ultimately proves to be his undoing? Andrew comes across as a real dolt here, as do his communications people. Shortly after the interview aired, Prince Andrew was relieved of his royal duties and stripped of his title, largely because the interview revealed too much. Scandalous and salacious and self-serving to the importance of the media – which, in this case, was accurate. 3 cans.
47. The Real Story of Mr. Bates vs. The Post Office* (2024, PBS Documentaries) – In England, there is a postal system that includes thousands of local subpostmasters, each responsible for his or her village or town. The system worked exceedingly well until a new automated system was installed and discrepancies started to appear. Money seemed to be disappearing, and despite the outcry from the subpostmasters to the central office about the new computer system and its possible flaws, each person was told this issue was not happening anywhere else. The subpostmasters were harassed, accused of fraud, prosecuted and some actually jailed because of the financial discrepancies. Some tried to pay off the shortfalls with their own money even though they had not caused them. This documentary comes down hard on the system that failed in every sense: The software, the people in charge who refused to assign blame to the computer program, the programmers who created and maintained it, and especially the head postal authority. Lives were ruined, marriages crumbled and people served jail time. This is a fascinating look at the system, its failures, and the lack of care exhibited by those in charge. 3½ cans.
48. Thank You, Good Night* (2024, Hulu) – This four-part documentary is an exhaustive look at the history of the rock band Bon Jovi. Jon Bon Jovi and his teenaged Jersey pals started out playing Asbury Park bars, getting home at 6 AM and going directly to high school at 7 AM. Jon was not just the front man, he was the lead singer and the force behind the band, especially when they stopped performing covers and he started writing their songs early in their career. And with his good looks and big hair, he got plenty of attention from the girls in the crowd. There is great footage here of the early days (hello, Bruce Springsteen), the days as an opening act and the days of filling huge arenas. There are plenty of ups and downs, people (Richie Sambora) leaving the band, managers and producers being replaced, and Jon himself suffering from serious vocal problems. You could do a documentary on Bon Jovi’s hair alone! In their 40 years of rocking, they have built an impressive catalog of songs, from anthem rockers to more quiet, contemplative tunes. I just don’t know how you go out on the road, sing your lungs out for 3 hours, turn around, hop on a place and do it several more times a week for months at a time. I always appreciate seeing the success achieved by someone with a dream and the willingness to always give it a 100% effort. 4 cans.
49. Unlocked: A Jail Experiment* (2024, Netflix) – This 8-part documentary series about a prison in Arkansas is an intriguing social experiment. The inmates in Block H are on 23-hour lockdown, with just one hour a day where they can get out of their cells to exercise and interact with each other. Their very regimented routines are blown up when the Sheriff decides to unlock the cell doors, giving the inmates the chance to run their own show – as long as things stay safe for prisoners and the staff. He realizes that a new social order will develop and he’s right. At first one of the “old heads,” Randy, begins organizing meal service and other activities, but he’s met with resistance by the younger, brash inmates who resent his show of authority. As the sheriff introduces even more freedoms, such as free phone calls, the group has to come together to make sure everyone is treated fairly. After six weeks, if the experiment doesn’t work, the Sheriff will pull the plug and everyone will be back to 23-1 lockdown. Every time someone does something stupid, it jeopardizes the freedom of the entire group. This series was fascinating and intense. 4 cans.
50. Anyone But You* (2023, Netflix) – After two intense series, I needed something light and fluffy. But don’t subject yourself to this drivel. Very handsome Ben (Glen Powell) and law student Bea (Sydney Sweeney) meet and get along, then don’t get along, and then go to Australia for her sister’s wedding where the friends and family assume they are a couple or try to make them a couple. Apparently, all movie weddings now must be held in gorgeous resorts and no one ever has money issues about going, spending days in activities and bathing suits before the ceremony takes place. There’s a sequence on a yacht and an incident with a cake, and if you can’t figure out what will happen, you have never seen a rom-com before. That goes for the ending, too. Trust me when I say they don’t make them like they used to. 2 cans and no wedding gift.
 

Apriling

Things were going along swimmingly on Sunday night as CBS broadcasted the 100th Billy Joel Concert from Madison Square Garden, taped a few days earlier. He went through his old classics, like “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” and “New York State of Mind,” and his new song, “Turn the Lights Back On.” Just as he was singing his signature song, “Piano Man,” to wrap up the show, CBS pulled the plug and abruptly went to a promo for the 11:00 news and a commercial for Bob’s Discount Furniture. Yes, the show started late due to the CBS telecast of the Masters golf tournament, but the CBS folks couldn’t have played the entire show and delayed the local news? It was like the “Heidi” game, where the Jets and the Raiders were playing a tight NFL game and NBC suddenly cut to its scheduled broadcast of “Heidi,” much to the outrage of football fans everywhere. CBS – you owe us one more song! Turn the lights back on!

It is 80 degrees as I write this on April 15. I guess it is safe to take the show brush and ice scraper out of the trunk of the car now.

I saw an online ad that promises a 50-pound weight loss in 3 weeks. I didn’t bother to check the details, because how could that not be possible? Everything you read online is accurate, right?

Since I last posted, we have had floods, terrible winds, an earthquake and aftershocks and a solar eclipse. Anything I missed? Can pestilence be far behind?

I wish I could say I HAVE a little behind instead of that I’m RUNNING a little behind!

In case you were wondering, it is possible to eat Girl Scout cookies directly from the freezer. No need to defrost. You’re welcome.

At my last eye injection I told the nurse I did not want to have a patch applied because I was planning to go to Walmart and I didn't want to look like a pirate. And then the doctor and nurse and I all laughed, because who would even notice me in Walmart with the way some of the customers dress?

My wardrobe ranges from casual to “she’s out in public in THAT?”

I can’t remember what I had for lunch last night, but if I am at a restaurant with a group, when the server comes to deliver the food, I know exactly who ordered what. Hamburger with no onions and sweet potato fries? That’s Mary. Soup and salad with dressing on the side? That’s Sally. Later I realize that I can’t remember what anyone wore, but I’m sure I got their orders straight.

Speaking of restaurants, one thing I can’t remember is what is on the list of specials. By the time the waiter recites the fourth dish and its ingredients, I have already forgotten the first one. What comes with the branzino? What is the soup du jour? Once everything is ordered, however, my superpower of remembering who is getting what returns. 

I don’t and never will understand why people wear nose rings, either hoops or studs. I just don’t get it.

Shouldn’t the term “extraordinary” mean really, really plain and NOT something complimentary?

Do the people in France eat French toast? And if they do, do they call it French toast or just toast?

And speaking of French, when people use words that are a little nasty, they say, “Pardon my French.” Do you think French people do the same thing but say, “Pardon my English?” All I know is that I took four years of French in high school and none of these words ever came up in class.

I’m spending more time looking for movies to watch – not series, movies – than I am spending watching them. Going through Netflix, Prime, Hulu, Apple TV+, Max, HBO, Paramount Plus, etc., is like a full-time job. You never get a raise and the job isn’t fun anymore, either. 

I’ll admit it – I watched “The Golden Bachelor,” the “reality” show where Gerry, a widower in his 70s, was given a bevy of “mature women” from whom to pick a bride. I didn’t want to watch it, but after the first episode, I was curious. In the end, I felt he picked the wrong woman, and another contestant who had to leave the show would have been a better choice than Theresa from New Jersey. But he made his choice, they were madly in love (or just mad, apparently) and happy to get married shortly thereafter with ABC picking up the tab for a lavish, televised wedding. I wanted them to have a happy ending. But here we are, just a few months after the “I Do’s” and they don’t. They are getting a divorce. I was shocked but given the lack of success for relationships that get started on a TV show, I should not have been. I wonder if he kept a few numbers of the women he didn’t pick – and whether they would even pick up the phone if he called. Apparently neither Gerry nor Theresa could figure out where they wanted to live and couldn’t compromise. So much for happily ever after.

You can tell it is spring. I just took the flannel sheets off the bed, retired the heated blanket AND bought ice cream. The ice cream came early this year. Way early.

I hear that Dollar Tree is raising its prices and will now sell items from $1.50 to $7 a piece. Maybe some of that money can go into a name change. “More Dollars Tree” anyone?

I have the bad habit of writing down phone numbers but not the names that go with them. I’m left with random scraps of paper and no idea whose number I wrote on them.

I’m sick of these dire weather forecasts warning of a storm. Then I read the story and see that precipitation totals are expected to be a tenth of an inch. Please!

I much prefer when the front of ShopRite is filled with pots of flowers instead of jugs of ice melt.

You can officially add brown knee highs and Social Tea Biscuits to the Endangered Species list. The Social Teas are off the market; I can’t find the originals from Nabisco anywhere, probably because there is no more Nabisco. The knee highs that are missing in action are brown. You can still find the suntan and nude colors, but finding brown is impossible. In fact, just finding pantyhose is no easy “feat.” I know people get dressed up, but nobody wears pantyhose anymore? Please, my thighs are chafing at the thought of rubbing together without the minor protection afforded by pantyhose. 

You may recall that my latest smart phone came with a smart watch. The appeal of using this device is that among its features is tracking various elements of health, such as my heart rate and doing my own EKG – not that I have any idea how to interpret the results. It also tracks my sleep, faithfully logging hours and recording exact times, whether I was in a light sleep, deep sleep or REM sleep. Trust me, I don’t know what that means either. Anyway, one night I had the watch set to Sleep Mode, which means the screen is virtually black but the device continues to record my sleep. Around my usual time of 4 AM I got up, went to the bathroom and flopped back into bed. Almost immediately, I felt it sending me a signal along with a dire flashing message: FALL DETECTED, FALL DETECTED! Fall detected? I didn’t fall, I had flopped into bed, which was inaccurately interpreted as a fall. Then a red phone image lights up and the watch starts ringing and someone or something starts talking to me, saying, “Emergency, emergency!” I start yelling into my wrist, “No emergency! No emergency!” But no one said alright and there was no way to stop it, so I went and sat in the front of the house, in case there were emergency vehicles pulling up. I had to sit in my office, peeking under the shade, waiting for flashing red lights and a bunch of men with axes so I could stop them from breaking down my door – which would have been an emergency to me. I was so shocked that I took off the watch. If it measured my heartbeat at that minute, there would have been another emergency. Now I get out and back into my bed very gingerly so as not to trigger another emergency event. I am the owner of a device I am afraid of! I sure wasn’t expecting that!





 

March 2024 Movies & More

March brings its basketball Madness, so my movie watching was severely limited. Numbering picks up from last month and asterisks indicate movies I have seen previously. All programs are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 at the top of the ratings.

27. Upgraded* (2024, Prime Video) – Ana is an aspiring art dealer who works for a gallery in a low-level position and for a demanding boss. When the director of the gallery, Claire (Marisa Tomei, playing the Miranda Priestley role from “The Devil Wears Prada”), commands her to go to a big show in London but Ana is left to fly alone. When the gate agent takes pity on her and upgrades her, she runs into (literally, with a Bloody Mary, no less) a handsome, rich guy and sparks fly. Somehow, he gets the impression that Ana is the gallery head, and so does his art-collecting mother. Confusion and hijinks ensue. This rom-com is light and fun to watch and Tomei and Lena Olin, playing the rich guy’s mother, carry off their roles with aplomb. Not the best movie of the year, but fun to watch. 3 cans.
28. United States of Scandal* (2024, CNN) – Newsman Jake Tapper takes a look at the rise and fall of notorious politicians in this four-part series of one-hour programs. Covered are former NJ Governor Jim McGreevy, who resigned suddenly when his homosexuality became more than an open secret; NYC Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, who famously became “Client 9” of a prostitution ring;, and former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who disappeared from office for a few days, later explaining that he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. CNN had already done a series on Rudolph Guiliani, or he would surely have made the list. I have a feeling there will be plenty more episodes to come! 3½ cans.
29. Unstoppable (2009, Cable TV) – I’m not a fan of action movies, but this one caught my eye. Denzel Washington and Chris Pine have an interesting first day working together as the engineer and conductor on a freight train that starts out slowly but ends up with them trying to stop a runaway train in its tracks. Based on a true story, the unmanned train hurtles through the Pennsylvania countryside, threatening the small towns in its path with both speed and its highly combustible cargo. The two men have to come up with heroic solutions to “track” down the runaway train. If you are looking for a relaxing time at the movies, please miss this train. But if you like heart-stopping action, all aboard! 3½ cans.
30. Crazy Heart (2009, HBO) – Jeff Bridges won an Oscar for playing Bad Blake, an alcoholic country singer who fame has waned over years of alcohol abuse. His talent remains, even as he is reduced to singing at bowling alleys and other minor league venues. In typical country music style, he meets a good woman, falls in love and still must hit rock bottom. Bridges, who sings and plays guitar, has no qualms about letting the camera record him when he couldn’t possibly look worse. Yet somehow, you can’t help rooting for this guy. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the object of his affection and Robert Duval (who played a similar character in “Tender Mercies,”) is along for the ride, as is friend and rival Colin Farrell. 4 cans.
31. The Rewrite* (2012, Hulu) – Hugh Grant is his best sardonic self as a screenwriter with one big hit to his credit and nothing in his future. He can’t find work in Hollywood, so he takes a teaching job at a college in Binghamton, NY, where his lack of effort initially does no one any good. Eventually, he questions his belief that good writing cannot be taught. Co-star Marisa Tomei is terrific (as always) as someone who doesn’t hesitate to give him perspective and truth. 3 cans.
32. The After* (2023, Netflix) – This movie packs a lot of passion, power and pathos into its 14-minute length. David Oleyolo plays a busy businessman who suffers an immense and sudden tragedy. He looks and acts numb, but he is just trying to get through the day as a rideshare driver until one ride with a couple and child makes him confront his grief. Take 14 minutes out of your day to see this. It is not cheery, but the story and its aftermath will make you think. 3½ cans
33. Paper Moon* (1973, PBS) – Young Tatum O’Neal as Addie is a revelation in this comedy/crime movie that also stars her father, Ryan, as a con man in the 1930s. The two are matched together with the understanding that he will accompany her to her family home, so they hit the road, supporting themselves by running a variety of con games (selling Bibles for one; no comment). She is tough as nails, frequently reminding O’Neal’s Mose that he owes her $200. She is as good at the con game as the man she is pretty sure is her real father, despite his protestations. Madeline Kahn is wonderful as a floozie Mose picks up, but Addie outwits them both. Tatum won the Oscar as the Best Supporting Actor, the youngest winner ever. 3½ cans.
34. Pride of the Yankees (1942, Cable) – “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth,” declared the dying Yankee Lou Gehrig to a packed house at Yankee Stadium in 1939. Before being diagnosed with ALS (which subsequently became known as “Lou Gehrig’s Disease”), Gehrig had played 2130 consecutive games for the star-studded Yankee franchise and was known as “the Iron Horse.” He was only 37 when he died. This film traces his life, his marriage and his career as a Yankee. He’s a good example of the phrase “only the good die young.” However, that moving story aside, this is not a good movie. It is slow and plodding, with stilted dialog and a clearly over-aged Gary Cooper as Gehrig; Cooper was in his 40s with lines in his face, so accepting him as a rookie with the Yankees is a stretch. Still, this is a classic story, and the lore of Gehrig will always be a part of the mystique of the New York Yankees. 2 cans.
35. Quiet on Set* (2024, ID Channel) – Momma, don’t let your babies grow up to be child stars. This 4-part documentary traces the TV shows from Nickelodeon that reigned supreme in the 1990s, most of which were produced by Dan Schneider, who is portrayed here as a powerful and power-hungry man who could make or break the careers of the young people he hired. He hired like-minded men who took advantage of their young charges, grooming them as dialog coaches and writers who offered help and then sexually attacked or abused many of them. Many kids were afraid to report the abuse for fear of losing their jobs. And if they weren’t abused, many were asked to do things that sexualized them at much too early a stage. It is deplorable that any of these people had an opportunity to work with teenagers and young people at all. This was too disturbing to recommend. 3 cans.
36. Anatomy of a Fall* (2023, Hulu) – A man falls from a balcony under mysterious conditions. Did he fall? Did he jump? Was he pushed? All of these scenarios are included in this mysterious case, and of course the authorities think the wife did it. But did she? You will have to read subtitles for some of this French film, but the level of acting, direction and the story are worth the effort. 4 cans.
37. Buying Beverly Hills, Season 2* (2024, Netflix) – If you like $40 million California homes and can tolerate the drama offered by superstar realtor Mauricio Umansky and his family, which includes his now-separated wife, Kyle (who is already a star of the reality series “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills), and their three daughters, who work for Mauricio’s The Agency. After a while, all the houses look the same – great views, dramatic staircases and free-standing bathtubs – as do the daughters. The drama on this show – and it never ends – is equally among the male real estate sellers, who have something to say about everything and everyone. They are like a Greek chorus, commenting and moving the story along. There are some genuinely unlikable people working for the Agency and many who cannot refrain from offering their views on the family and the business. Don’t ask me why I watched, but I also couldn’t restrain myself. 3 cans and a $40 million dollar house for everyone who endured this drivel. Now, when do we get to see Season 3?

March On

Forget about the daffodils that are starting to bloom. The real sign of spring is when my landscaper, Pedro, shows up with the mulch. And also when Polar Cub ice cream on Route 22 in Whitehouse opens up for the season, which they did this week! It's 72 degrees today. Can we go to spring, go directly to spring and not revert back to winter? Then I can loosen my ban on ice cream that typically extends until Memorial Day.

My biometrics are not working! When I try to use a fingerprint instead of a password, my phone fails to recognize it. Yes, I cover the whole icon. Yes, I press hard. Yes, I try repeatedly and then resort to the password. Life never gets easier, does it?

No woman in the history of medicine has ever been able to relax when instructed to do so by the gynecologist in the office. Nor can we easily “scoot on down.” Trust me on this.

I had such a good hair day the other day and the only people who saw me were at the car dealership where my car was being serviced. 

Lately I have been having trouble swallowing some of the larger pills that I have to take so I bought a pill splitter and now I understand how a guillotine works. Heads – or, in this case, pills – will roll!

Why do we pronounce licorice as lickorish?

I have so many doctor’s appointments, that recently when I had to show my driver’s license to renew my library card, I inadvertently whipped out my United Healthcare card.

I received a “courtesy call” from a doctor’s office telling me to call the business office. The rep explained that the courtesy call was being made to remind me that I owe them $20. But, I explained, I have not received a bill, so how could they “remind” me about something I didn’t know I had? Can’t you just send me the bill, I asked? She said they would be sending me the bill, and it is also in my portal. But why would I look at the portal if I didn’t know there was something there? I can’t even imagine the money they spent to leave me a message to call the business office, to pay someone to remind me to pay a bill I didn’t know I had, to maintain the website where the mystery bill will appear and so on. I guarantee that the cost of all of this administrative stuff far exceeds the $20 I allegedly owe them!

Who is General Tsao and why do we order his chicken?

I have a handyman named Craig who is scheduled to come over to do some odd jobs. I wrote them all down, so now I have my own Craig’s List.

When I leave my name and number as a voicemail I state the information very slowly. It is not just that I am being considerate so the person can get the information, it is also because it takes me a moment to remember by own number!

Even after 4 years of the pandemic and after countless Zoom calls, there is always that one person on every call who has to be reminded, “YOU’RE ON MUTE!”

I love that my friends know me so well that they just assume I am watching whatever they are watching on TV. I got a 7 AM text recently about a tennis match that, of course, I happened to be watching! Not the first time.

I get alerts about local road conditions, school closings and other area news that might be relevant. But if you live in the Hillsborough-Mongomery-Franklin area, you know that 3 drops of rain are enough to close down the Griggstown Causeway and Blackwell’s Mills Road, both of which are antiquated bridges (Griggstown is a one-way, so drivers have to wait for oncoming traffic to clear) that are barely above the branch of the Raritan River they cross. I wish I had a dime for every message saying they are closed and another dime for the next message, saying they are open again. That would be a lot of dimes!

My indoor-outdoor thermometer died, my TV remote control stopped working so I had to get a new one from Xfinity (yes, I changed the batteries – twice) and I have my new phone and smart watch to learn. My elderly mind can only learn so many devices at one time!

I wonder what the lifespan of a box of Girl Scout Cookies is. How I missed eating the ones in the freezer is a mystery, but they have been there for a year and now I am afraid to open the box. Either I will eat the whole thing and gain weight or I will eat the whole thing and die. Any guesses? Follow-up: I checked on Google and the frozen cookies can be consumed for up to a year. They might lose their quality and taste, but apparently, they won’t kill you. Time to buy fresh ones!

For someone who doesn’t drink coffee, I have an enormous collection of mugs. I use them occasionally for tea and in the winter for hot chocolate, but there are so many that I would never have to use the same one twice. Of course, I have favorites. There’s my high school reunion mug(s), the photo mug I had made for my group of girlfriends as their Christmas gift one year, and mugs that have been given to me or which I have bought in my travels. I have them relatively neatly crammed into a corner cabinet and have even put a shelf in there to hold more. Meanwhile, can I persuade myself to purge some of these? Doubtful.

If a woman can be a mother and a grandmother, why should an aunt have to be a great aunt instead of a GRAND aunt? I feel like GREAT describes how one performs that job, not the position itself.

My dear Mercedes was sideswiped while minding her own business in the parking lot at my local ShopRite. It was a bright, sunny day and she was neatly parked within the designated space. I came out of the store, put my groceries in the trunk and noticed white stuff on the driver’s side door. No dents, but clearly, something had happened. A nice young woman came up to me to report that she had seen the car that hit me, wrote down the license plate as the driver left the scene and had already called the police. Ten minutes later, the nice young officer arrived, checked his computer and quickly identified the driver as someone who lives in a senior complex very nearby. It turns out she is an 87-year-old-woman who lives right near ShopRite. She told him that she did not know she hit my car (if that was the case, why did she pull into the spot and then leave?). My New Jersey Manufacturers insurance kicked in and took care of the whole thing – deductible and all, since the driver and I both have NJM. I had to drive a rented Dodge Charger for the week, a car that had a lot more pep in its step than what I am used to (I think I backed out of the garage doing 40!) while my car was getting a beautiful face lift and body work done by a local shop. I kept referring to the rental as my “Tracy Chapman car,” since it was a FAST car! I wondered if the body shop could do some body work on me while they were at it. They did a fabulous job on the car, which looked like it had been reborn! So, all’s well that ends well, but if you see a little old lady in a white car driving into the parking lot at ShopRite – which I now refer to as “the scene of the crime” – beware!

My nephew is getting married in October to a wonderful young woman that my sister and I adore. The site of the ceremony and reception are set, the hotel block has been reserved, the rehearsal dinner booked and even the “after-party,” which is something these kids cannot do without, is established. The bride has her gown on order and my nephew is deciding on his wardrobe. Now, the hard part: My sister Nancy and I have to pick out “appropriate dresses” to wear. We know the color that the bride’s mother’s is wearing, so my sister needs to pick another color. My sister insists that she needs to wear a dress that is “appropriate,” so that means no bare arms, no plunging necklines and no side slits. The wedding is in October and cocktails might be outside, so my sister wants a dress with sleeves. We might as well try shopping in an Amish store, except that the Amish would make their own dresses. Can we find a dress with sequins AND flannel? We need to find something between “Dresses for Sluts” and “Dowdy Dresses.” She is a very petite petite and I am looking for something to address my more ample figure. We spent President’s Day shopping and felt like we were auditioning for “What NOT to Wear.” Remember, Nancy will be in the family pictures (more so than me), so the dress has to fit, function and photograph well. Stay tuned. Much more to follow as we approach October.