New Thoughts for the New Year

Please, 2022, be kind to us.

I think I’m going to change my name to Tina Google. So many people ask me questions that they could easily answer themselves if they simply used Google or other resources (Is recycling tomorrow? Who was the actor in such-and-such movie?). Google is where I end up going to get the answers to the questions other people ask me.

All day I have had the song “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story running through my head. But I don’t.

Sign in the window of the local convenience store: “Fine Cigars/Bait.” Are the cigars used for bait? Are cigars what people look for when they want to lure fish? Luckily, I need neither, so I’ll never know.

Why do we need to stretch in the morning before we get out of bed? Sometimes when I stretch, I get a nasty charley horse, and that really gets me out of bed in a hurry. But I just wonder why we have that need to stretch, as if we have slept all swaddled like babies. Anyone? Anyone?

And why do we yawn when someone else yawns in front of us?

I don’t get the point of wearing a vest as outerwear. There will never be a time that my chest is cold and my arms are not. Give me a coat, a sweatshirt – anything to keep me toasty warm all over!

Last week I drove behind a truck from a place called Biosphere Remediation, which listed among its services “crime scene remediation” and “murders, suicides and unattended deaths” (which I would have thought fell into the first category). For a moment – just a moment – I thought about following that truck, hoping to land on the set of an upcoming episode of “Dateline,” but then I considered how messy that might be, so when he went right, I went straight.

It’s nice to know that every call I make is important to whatever office I’m trying to reach, but even if I listen carefully because the menu has changed, am I really supposed to know which of the 9 options to choose to speak with someone? I know for sure that I am not calling from a physician’s office, but the others? Too many choices! I long for the days when Consuela took the calls and was the nurse assisting Marcus Welby, MD. In fact, I long for a doctor like Marcus Welby, MD, who knew everything and was assisted by that cute but greasy-haired Dr. Steven Kiley (James Brolin). 

Last year I had a problem with two of the Moen faucets that came with my house. I contacted the company and they sent me new parts (which didn’t work out, but that’s another story) for free. I recently received an email inviting me to join the Moen Plus Club, where I can get complimentary benefits, priority customer support, special offers on Moen products and much more. How many times do they think I will be fixing or replacing my faucets? Do I need to belong to a “club” to be able to wash my hands? I’ll pass.

Oh, great! As if it isn’t bad enough that ShopRite practically begs me to check myself out, now my Retina practice wants me to schedule all my own appointments. What’s next? I will have to do my own eye exam and then give myself my own injection? This self-service stuff has got to stop. Thank God I live in NJ, where pumping your own gas is still verboten!

I admit that I’m not interested in taking care of anyone but myself, so there are no other people in this house, no pets and only one living house plant, my dear old philodendron. Phil has been with me for years, asks for nothing, and has managed to survive despite my sometimes-criminal neglect. Earlier this year, I noticed that most of his leaves were dying and there didn’t seem to be any new growth. I wondered if this would be the end of Phil. Somehow, with a little more (or maybe a little less?) water and lots of hope, Phil is growing new, green leaves again. I don’t know how he got sick or how he got well. I just know I would have missed him if he died. Here’s to Phil!

When I was growing up, the only spices we had in the house were salt, pepper, paprika and garlic powder, and they were kept on the top of the stove – for YEARS! There were no printed expiration dates at that time, so you only bought a new container once the old one was empty, which was once every decade or so.

My Brother P-Touch handheld label printer has been warning me that it has a low battery for the past year. How insecure can one device be? I’ll worry about replacing the battery when it stops working! I might just replace the device anyway because peeling the backing off of the label is nearly impossible! There must be a better way.

I’m being plagued by tumbleweeds! They aren’t really tumbleweeds (it’s not like I live on the streets of Laredo), but the tops of the corn stalks from the cornfield located about 100 yards behind (not even directly behind) my house. The land is used to grow corn for animal feed, and I guess that previously the farmers cut down the stalks but did not this year, because they are blowing all around the neighborhood. They aren’t easy to catch since they are light and blow in the wind, and they are littering my driveway and getting caught in my bushes, where I am afraid animals will grab them up and use them for nests. You’d think I lived out on a prairie or something with this issue.

Who is this Boba Fett of whom you speak? Until Boba Fett graced the cover of a recent issue of TV Guide, I had never heard the name. Then I read the cover story and learned that Boba Fett is a character from one of the trillions of Star Wars movies and spinoffs that have been circulating for years – all without my knowledge or interest. I’ll just add this to the list of programs I won’t be watching. I know these things are extremely popular, but none of them are my cup of tea. I’ll pass.

We Jersey folks cannot tolerate anything other than a Jersey tomato. Forget those pink-orangey things. Take those slices off the BLT and wait for summer, when the bright red, plump and juicy tomatoes are back. Nothing else will do!

My county library recently announced that there will no longer be late fees charged for the tardy return of borrowed books. I wonder whether charging a few cents was ever a viable source of revenue, and I’ll bet that those fees discouraged people from borrowing books. I guess this means the waiting lists will be longer since people will take more time before returning their books without the threat of a late fee, but I also hope it means that more people will take advantage of the wonderful resources available to all of us through the library.

Betty White. Thank you for being a friend.

Here in the Memorial section, I salute the consummate great actor, Sidney Poitier, who passed away in January. To me, you can draw a straight line from Sidney Poitier to Denzel Washington to Chadwick Boseman for tremendously gifted Black actors with memorable performances who were also people just as outstanding offscreen. Did you know that Denzel Washington anonymously paid for part of Chadwick Boseman’s education? Now we have Denzel left and we’re putting our faith in Michael B. Jordan as his successor. What a legacy of talent.

And I also say a fond farewell to Ronnie Spector, one of the great female voices of rock and roll, the leader of the Ronettes. Her song “Be My Baby” stops me in my tracks whenever I hear it. It is my all-time favorite song. I wish we had more from this wonderful artist. How she survived marriage to Phil Spector is a story on par with Tina Turner’s life with Ike.

With Omicron closing things down again, I’m starting to increase my stash of toilet paper this year. I panic if there are fewer than 36 rolls in the house!

I can’t believe that I am still signing emails and messages with “Stay safe and healthy.” Please wear your mask, don’t take unnecessary chances of exposure, get tested, and if you haven’t already been vaccinated, please do it for yourself and for the rest of us. Enough already with this virus, as my mother would surely have said!

December 2021 Movies and Favorites of the Year

December was a busy movies & more month for me. First we will look at what I watched in December, followed by my list of favorites for the year. That list consists of the ones I enjoyed the most, which means many talked-about movies may not be listed. My list, my choices! Everything is rated on the basis of cans of tuna, from a low of 0 to a high of 5. Asterisks indicate things I had not seen previously. Enjoy and Happy New Year!

DECEMBER
158.  Annie* (2021, NBC) – NBC ventured again into the challenging waters of a live broadcast of a classic musical and came away a winner. A star was born in Celina Smith, the young Black actress who was perfection in the title role. Nicole Scherzinger, Megan Hilty and Titus Burgess were outstanding. I thought that Taraji P. Henson as the evil Miss Hannigan was a little over the top but the worst performance came from Harry Connick Jr. as Daddy Warbucks. I thought he seemed ill at ease, and the fake bald pate was a major distraction. Overall, the telecast was terrific, worth seeing and then seeing again. 4 cans.
159.  Dream/Killer* (2015, Netflix) – If you like those true-life mysteries on “Dateline,” you will appreciate this story about young Ryan Ferguson who spent 9 years in jail for a murder he didn’t commit. His erstwhile friend, Charles Erikson, told the police initially that neither of the teenagers was responsible for the murder of a sportswriter, but Charles changed his story and gave details of the murder that he said he didn’t remember initially because he was using drugs and alcohol. Though none of the evidence pointed to Ryan, the testimony was damning and both men were convicted. Ferguson’s father was determined to review all of evidence, much of which was overlooked by a zealous prosecutor. Gripping story and a warning that it could happen to you! 3½ cans.
160.  Passing* (2021, Netflix) – This thoughtful drama is based on a novel from the 1920s about two women from the same background who live in very different worlds. Clare and Rene (Tessa Thomspon), both Black, grew up together in Chicago, but Clare (Ruth Negga) now passes as a White woman, married to a racist White man. Rene leads a privileged life with her Black husband and two young sons in Harlem. When we meet Rene on a day of shopping, she is trying to pass as White, using a large hat to shield her face and going into a decidedly White hotel for a cup of tea. There she encounters Clare, who immediately recognizes her, so they reminisce. But when Clare introduces Rene to her husband, it is immediately clear that Clare has sacrificed part of her identity to live her life as the wife of a racist man. Clare is drawn to Rene and begins to show up at her house, making friends with Rene’s children and getting a little cozy with Rene’s husband. Rene is content to sit back and observe Clare, who is the life of any party, as she straddles the line between being a proper White woman and enjoying her friend’s freedom to be herself, although Irene keeps the reigns tight on her own behavior. The movie was beautifully shot in black & white, as if to emphasize the two races portrayed. This is a slow, deliberate film that really made me think about the things we take for granted about our own lives, as well as limitations placed on us by society as well as by our own fears. 4 cans.
161.  Brian’s Song (1971, cable TV) – It is simply not possible for me to watch this movie without tears in my eyes. Brian Piccolo (James Caan, before “The Godfather”) was a Chicago Bears running back who just happened to be paired with another RB, Gayle Sayers (Billie Dee Williams). Sayers was magical on the gridiron, and he and Piccolo were the first Black and White pair of teammates to room together. When Sayers blew out his knee, Piccolo was there to urge him on in his recovery, and when Piccolo was diagnosed with cancer, Sayers stayed by his side. Make no mistake, this is a love story between two friends who pushed each other and stayed true friends until the end. When Sayers wins an award and dedicates it to the dying Piccolo, I can barely swallow over the lump in my throat. As a sports fan, I have a bunch of favorite sports movies, but this one will always be special. 5 cans and a box of tissues.
162.  Being the Ricardos* (2021, in the Movies!) – I have met the prerequisite for this advanced course by having seen every single episode of the classic “I Love Lucy” series more times than I can count. But, Aaron Sorkin, the writer and director, has some “splainin’” to do. Did he intend this account of one week in the life of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz to appeal to anyone under the age of 50? Are people under 50 even aware of Lucille Ball as the Queen of TV in the 1950s? Why would a guy who wrote such brilliant episodes of “West Wing” and other monumental TV dramas take on this project? Sorkin focuses on one week when Lucy finds out she has been outed for being a Communist at the time of the Red Scare in this country. The same week, Lucy also reveals to her bosses at CBS that she is pregnant with her second child – but her first as the star of a sitcom, which doesn’t sit well with CBS or her sponsors, Philip Morris. At the time, even the word “pregnant” was forbidden to be uttered on TV. But the overarching themes here are whether Lucy or Desi is really the boss of the show, and whether Lucy’s popularity and clout emasculated Desi, who was rumored to be a womanizer. I give huge props to Nicole Kidman for getting every nuance of Lucy down pat, from her body language to her facial expressions, and Javier Bardem as Desi and J. K. Simmons as William Frawley (Fred Mertz) also earn high marks for their portrayals. Lucy was truly a comedy genius who sensed and saw things in a script that worked and didn’t work. She also was a loving but no-nonsense wife and boss who knew what she was doing better than almost everyone else. 4 cans.
163.  Moonstruck (1987, HBO) – No matter how many times I have seen this movie, I still find it irresistible. The perfect cast (Cher, in the role that won her an Oscar), Olympia Dukakis, Nicholas Cage, Vincent Gardenia, John Mahoney, Danny Aiello) in this slice of Italian life in Brooklyn are just perfect and so is this winner. 4½ cans.
164.  Hoosiers (1986, Cable TV) – I went to a basketball game, came home and rewatched the same game online, watched another game, and that still wasn’t enough, so I watched this classic basketball movie. That, my friends, is the definition of a basketball aficionado (junkie). Washed up college hoops coach Norman Dale (Gene Hackman) gets a job coaching high school basketball in a small town in Indiana where they barely have enough players to field a team, no less contend for a championship. But good, sound fundamentals preached by the tough coach, combined with good shots and the addition of one key player, and the hicks from Hickory find themselves gunning for the title. No more from me. It’s dated, it’s corny, and it’s wonderful. 4 cans.
165.  West Side Story* (2021, movie theater) – “Something’s coming, I don’t know what it is but it is gonna be great!” I know what it is – it is this movie. I’m such a huge fan of the original film that I wondered whether I would be disappointed by Steven Spielberg’s remake, but au contraire: I loved it. The casting (except for Rif, the leader of the Jets) was great, and Rachel Zegler’s Maria will be the start of a big career for her, I hope. The reimagining of the big numbers out on the streets of New York (especially “America”) was fantastic. Yes, it is dated, but so what? Maybe it doesn’t attract the younger audience, but take the film for what is worth, with its classic Romeo-Juliet story, the music, singing, dancing, color and excitement; I had chills every time they started a new number. And Rita Moreno, not just in some throwaway cameo but in a part with substance and a number to sing. What a treasure all around. 4½ cans.
166.  The Reader* (2008, HBO) – Kate Winslet won an Oscar for her portrayal of a lonely German woman who has an affair with a 15-year-old boy in post-War Germany. Her Hannah is only interested in the sexual aspect of the relationship because she cannot engage emotionally with anyone and she harbors secrets she is not going to share. When the boy, Michael, encounters her eight years later, he also has a secret that could make a difference in her life but he refuses to share it, too. This is a powerful drama about the atrocities of war and how people had to face the decisions they made or didn’t make. This is not a light and entertaining movie – movies about the Holocaust never are – but worth seeing. 4 cans.
167.  An American President (1995, Cable TV) – Andrew Shepherd is a regular guy. He’s a handsome widower with a 12-year-old daughter who falls in love with an unmarried professional woman, and all would be fine except that she is a lobbyist and he happens to be the President of the United States. Michael Douglas has made plenty of movies, but none that I like him in more than this Rob Reiner charmer. Annette Bening is the woman who creates controversy just by dating him — that, and they happen to be on opposites sides of a piece of environmental legislation. Aaron Sorkin’s smart script reveals the inner workings of the White House, where presidential privacy is virtually non-existent. Michael J. Fox and Martin Sheen as the President’s right hand men lend their own appeal to the mix here. This is just a feel-good movie about two adults falling in love, and I did — with the movie and with the characters. This American President gets my vote. 4 cans.
168.  Premonition* (2007, Netflix) – Linda Hanson (Sandra Bullock) is in for the shock of her life when the local sheriff knocks on her door to inform her that her husband has died in a car accident. She rallies her young daughter and gets her mother to come to the house to help process the horrible news. But the next morning when she wakes up, Jim is in the kitchen with the kids, fully alive. Was it a bad dream? Did he really die? Because each new day he is either dead again or back to life. Why are there scars all over her daughter’s face? Why does she keep bumping into people who claim they don’t know her when they should? Can Linda stop Jim from dying in that accident? The suspense is killing Linda – and me! There’s much more to this movie, but you need to see it rather than read about it – if you like movies like “The Sixth Sense.” 3½ cans.
169.  The Amateur* (2018, Netflix) – A talented basketball player only in the 8th grade is recruited by a powerhouse high school to play for them. This is the story of amateur sports that are not so amateur, as deals are struck for the kid by his father with his coach (Josh Charles) and a shady operator who provides things for him that his family can’t afford. 2 cans.
170.  The Power of the Dog* (2021, Netflix) – If you are looking for a slow movie with sadistic masochism and sexual tension, here you go. Benedict Cumberbatch plays rancher Phil, a grizzled cowboy who lives in a house with his placid brother George (Jesse Plemons); I couldn’t help but wonder why they sleep in the same bed in such a large house, and this isn’t even the part with sexual tension. But when George marries Rose (Kirsten Dunst), a woman with a teenaged son who is clearly not a macho guy, Phil begins taunting the young man and you know this won’t end well – although the ending was not what I expected. This film is getting high marks from critics because of the cinematography and story, but while I admire the former, I was not a fan of the latter. It is slow and brooding, notching up the tension all the way. 4 cans.
171.  Die Hard (1988, Prime Video) – The OG of the Die Hard series introduces Bruce Willis as NY Cop John McLane, going to meet his LA-based wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) at her office in the high-rise Nakatomi Building just as a team of terrorists takes over the place to steal $600 million in bonds. But they have never faced a NY cop like John McLane. This is one of the few action movies I like (on a limited viewing schedule), as Willis brings his snarky, smug character to life against all odds. The action is non-stop! The real question is whether to consider this film a Christmas movie. It takes place as a company Christmas party is underway, and McLane shows up with a big stuffed bear for his child but is it REALLY a Christmas movie? Please discuss. 4 cans.
172.  It’s A Wonderful Life (1946, Prime Video) – I finally decided to give this classic movie another try after decades of neglect, and I really paid attention to its message of kindness and the worth in each of us. No need to rehash the plot, but this heartwarming movie gives you all the feels – though I have to admit that there were parts that were just annoying. The incomparable James Stewart is George Bailey, a man who never quite gets to live out what he thinks are his dreams, but he learns that his life is much better that he realized. His wife Mary (Donna Reed) is the real heroine, a woman who takes care of their kids and their home and, when George’s business fails, she does the first “Go Fund Me” campaign to save it. When you think that you can’t imagine life without someone who is so important to you, think of this movie and realize the value that each one of us has. 4 cans.
173.  A Christmas Story (HBO Max) – I see this movie every year and relish Jean Shepherd’s tale of Ralphie, the boy who wants a Red Ryder Rifle for Christmas, despite his mother’s admonition that he will “shoot his eye out.” This is small-town America at its Christmas best, with silly, shining moments (the kid who gets his tongue stuck on a metal pole, the hideous leg lamp, the wild dogs eating the turkey, the younger brother who can’t move in his snowsuit) that bring a smile to my face every year. I wouldn’t miss it! 4 cans.
174.  Don’t Look Up* (2021, Netflix) – If you think this satire is really about a comet crashing into and destroying earth, you don’t know the definition of a metaphor. It’s about climate change, people, that looming destruction that should have been addressed years ago but is conveniently shunted aside by the powers that be. So, instead, here we have two non-descript scientists (Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lawrence) who discover a comet that will, in six months, collide with Earth. They think that wiping out the planet is a pretty big deal and they set out to inform, then convince and finally plead with the authorities about the reality that we are all going to die. The president of the United States (Meryl Streep; typecasting) isn’t all that interested beyond the effect the comet might have on the upcoming midterm elections. The frothy news media looks at the whole thing as a joke. The capitalists see the financial opportunities the comet could bring – setting aside the assurance by the scientists that a direct hit will wipe out the planet. The rest of the world heaves a collective sigh over the prospect of destruction. The movie skewers all of those entities in style, but it runs way too long. It reminded me of 1997’s “Wag the Dog,” in terms of the political satire, but too much of it is just silly. Meryl was great, as usual. 3½ cans.
175.  The Art of Racing in the Rain* (2019, Cable TV) – Call it overly sentimental, call it too dramatic, or mushy or whatever. I’ll call this movie wonderful. Milo Ventimiglia plays race car driver Denny, who adopts a lovable dog he names Enzo. The pair are inseparable, until along comes Eve (Amanda Seyfried), the woman Denny falls in love with. We know exactly how Enzo feels about this new person in their lives, because his thoughts are conveyed via the voice of Kevin Costner – and this dog has a lot to say.  He loves going to the racetrack with Denny and he understands how Denny strategizes his races. Denny’s friendship with Enzo withstands all kinds of heartbreak. To say more would take away the discovery of the plot, and I wouldn’t do that. I’m not a dog lover, but I loved Enzo and this movie. Milo definitely reminded me of his role as Jack Pearson in “This Is Us.” I cried so many times that I had to shut the windows so the neighbors couldn’t hear me. If you loved the nostalgia of “My Dog Skip,” this movie is for you. 4½ cans.
176. Love, Actually (2003, Freeform) – This was the first movie I watched in 2021 and now one of the last. It is one that I treasure and love to revisit. 5 cans.
177.  The First Wave* (Hulu, 2021) – Unless you work in a hospital or spent time in the hospital in the initial phase of Covid, you cannot imagine the harrowing conditions faced by the patients and the medical staff that served them. This documentary covers the period from March to June 2020 at Long Island Jewish Hospital, where the staff was overwhelmed not just by the influx of patients but also by the challenge of keeping them alive. The film traces the lives of several doctors, nurses and patients to give a realistic view of how tough it was. If this doesn’t make you get vaccinated, nothing will. 4 cans.
178.  The Lost Daughter* (2021, Netflix) – There hasn’t been a woman this ambivalent about motherhood since Faye Dunaway rattled the wire hangers as Joan Crawford in “Mommy Dearest.” The outstanding Olivia Coleman plays college professor Leda, a middle-aged woman spending her summer vacation alone in Greece, when she encounters a young woman with a fussy small child who goes missing on a beach. Leda finds her and becomes connected to her loud American family. The movie then shows a parallel track between the earlier life of Leda as a loving but unhappy young mother and the young woman (Dakota Johnson) who would rather chase the young man working at the resort than figure out how to be a good mother. Both women were frustrated by the enormity of the responsibility of being a parent and dealt with it by seeking happiness elsewhere. This movie will justifiably turn up on many award season lists, but it made me feel uncomfortable, so I can’t list it as a favorite. Maggie Gyllenhaal wrote and directed the movie. 4 cans.

2021 FAVORITES

TV Series

Schitt’s Creek (Netflix) – I caught up on all six full seasons of the loony, funny and bizarre Rose family, formerly rich, now getting by, and making us laugh all the way.
Ted Lasso – Seasons 1 & 2 – (Apple TV+) – Jason Sudekis is perfect as the affable soccer coach of an English team, heading a cast of mostly lovable and a few oddball characters.
Hacks (HBO Max) – Jean Smart as an aging Vegas comic in probably her best work ever. 

Dramas, Documentaries & Reality Series
Pretend It’s a City (Netflix) – A 7-part and multi-laugh look at acerbic society observer and loyal New Yorker Fran Leibowitz, brought to you by Martin Scorsese.
Aerial America – Smithsonian Channel – Stunning aerial footage and the history of individual states and regions in this country, which has never looked better.
Selling Sunset, Season 4 (Netflix) – Blonde bombshell realtors and stunning houses combine with lots of drama and shots of long legs and high heels exiting expensive cars. Hard to stop watching once you start.
Love, Gilda (Hulu) – The story of beloved comedian Gilda Radner of Saturday Night Live, who left us far too soon.
The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley (HBO) – Elizabeth Holmes’ great idea for testing minute quantities of blood didn’t work out quite the way she planned. PS – She is now waiting a verdict on her trial for fraud.
Burgers, Fries and Family Ties (Prime Video) – If I’m ever in Polson, Montana, I’m stopping for the aforementioned meal at Richwine’s Burgerville, a family restaurant providing comfort food and community to the people of a small town.
Hitsville: The Making of Motown (Prime Video) – If you don’t love Motown, you don’t love music. Berry Gordy had the magic touch.
Belushi (Showtime) – The frenetic life and death of comic actor John Belushi, whose work will live on while we wonder what might have been.
Tina (HBO) – Does she even need a last name? This documentary tells her story from singing in the church to surviving abuse to resurrecting her career. My hero!
College Behind Bars (Netflix) – The prisoners in this series are spending time studying for degrees in Bard College while incarcerated. You can’t help but root for them.
Human: The World Within (Netflix) – If science were taught this way in schools, we all would have paid more attention. Fascinating.
The Summer of Soul (Hulu) – Somebody had the foresight to record this documentary about a Harlem music festival in 1969, and it only took 50 years and Questlove to share it with the rest of us. Gladys Knight, Nina Simone, the Staple Singers, Chambers Brothers, Sly & the Family Stone are among the outstanding performers.
Once Upon a Time in Queens (ESPN) – A must-see for Mets fans and all baseball aficionados about the 1986 World Champs in all their good and bad moments.
LuLaRich (Prime Video) – There’s a whole story behind the making of an empire founded on the sale of leggings. Another rise & fall tale, and one worth watching, even at four parts.
Mare of Easttown (HBO) – Kate Winslett is a bedraggled detective in this miniseries with lots of suspects in the death of a local girl. I fell for every red herring. Jean Smart as her mother is outstanding.
Click Bait (Netflix) – Don’t start watching this mini-series unless you have time to see all eight parts. And don’t believe everything you see.
Guilt (PBS) – This 4-part English drama about two brothers who get themselves in deeper and deeper is full of mystery and black humor. 

Movies
Let Him Go (Prime Video) – Kevin Costner & Diane Lane suffer a bad loss and want their grandson back.
Nomadland (Hulu) – Francis McDormand won the Oscar for this unrelenting look at the bleak lives (at least by our standards, if not theirs) of nomads, their lives and their connections with other people. Slow-moving, but with purpose.
I Care a Lot (Netflix) – Rosamund Pike is the amoral protagonist in this sly and cunning film on how to dupe, deceive and steal from the elderly. Don’t believe that she cares about anyone but herself.
Genius: Aretha (National Geographic Channel – though why here, I’ll never know) – Cynthia Erivo is brilliant in this biopic on the glorious Ms. Franklin.
RESPECT (Theater, but now streaming somewhere) – Aretha is important enough to have two programs telling her story. Jennifer Hudson was handpicked by the Queen of Soul herself to play her part, and she does her mentor proud.
CODA (Apple TV+) – What’s it like to have parents who are deaf AND hippies when you are a teenager and the only one in the family who can hear and translate?
The Eyes of Tammy Faye (Movies, but now available for rent on Prime Video) – If you didn’t know that Jessica Chastain played Tammy Faye Baker here, you’d swear it was Tammy Faye herself. When the religious get too righteous, dig a little deeper.
Dear Evan Hansen (Prime Video – rental) – I loved the Broadway musical of this story of a teenaged boy mistaken for a friend and celebrated by social media. Though Ben Platt looks too old now to be in high school, the story is still relevant and heartbreaking.
House of Gucci (Movies) – Singer Lady Gaga slays as the woman who ordered a hit on her husband, the head of the esteemed fashion House of Gucci. Campy but delicious.
West Side Story (Movies, available on streaming) – Exuberant, colorful, explosive and every bit as good (and in some ways better) than the original. Steven Spielberg can do no wrong. My favorite movie of the year!

 

Holiday Musings 2021

Let’s start this month’s collection with the realization that since I started doing this blog in 2007, soon after my retirement from Johnson & Johnson, I have published 339 entries. That includes random thoughts, essays and movie reviews. Even I have to admit that is quite a collection of nonsense. This would be a good time to let me know if you want to drop off the list because you don’t have time for one more email or you find you aren’t reading them anyway. I will clean up my list and remove your name if that’s your choice – no offense taken!

After 50 years of sharing almost everything, my best friend and I recently had a conversation about our favorite socks. Have we officially run out of things to talk about? I get it: She was peeved because one of the socks in her favorite pair escaped, mysteriously reappeared, and then disappeared again. I started washing my socks in a mesh bag to stop my socks from getting away and that works. We also discussed our mutual dislike of socks that slip down into our shoes. Everyone hates that, right? But this is what happens after 53 years of friendship – Sock Talk!

Do you ever get mad that you weren’t invited to something you didn’t want to attend in the first place?

“On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife.” That’s from the opening of the TV show “The Odd Couple,” and what a perfect way to start the show.

I was thinking about other shows that featured similarly clever – and informative – openings. “She had style, she had flair, she was THERE, that’s how she became ‘The Nanny’’’ is another opening that tells you the premise of the show. As much as I detest “Gilligan’s Island,” the annoying song that starts the show tells you all that you need to know, though it can never explain how the Harlem Globetrotters found their way onto and off of that island! “Love is All-Around” is the theme of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” and if that song doesn’t bring a smile to your face, I’m not sure we can be friends. And then there’s, “Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out...” to kick-off “Welcome Back Kotter.” Kevin Arnold was able to get by with a little help from his friends on “The Wonder Years,” and I’m still partial to the theme song from “American Hero” (“Believe it or not, I’m walking on air; I never thought I could feel so free”), even though it didn’t really describe the show itself.

No one who ever watched “The Andy Griffith Show” can pass up the chance to whistle the opening tune, and how many of us have sung along to “The Love Boat,” that haven for B-list TV stars cruising together? The premise for “The Beverly Hillbillies” is pretty well established in the opening lines, which go on to tell you about how once he struck oil, old Jed was encouraged by his kinfolk to move to Beverly – Hills, that is, swimming pools, movie stars.

Speaking of songs, today in the nail salon I enjoyed listening to Christmas music. One of the songs sounded so familiar yet different. I realized it was a slower, more melodic version of that annoying song by Alvin & the Chipmunks, “The Chipmunk Song.” Played in a different way, it isn’t half bad. And it didn’t stick in my head the rest of the day!

Let the record show that I admit that I will never understand photosynthesis. Please, don’t even try to explain it to me. I just appreciate the beauty of the trees every fall. I don’t need to know why they change color.

I don’t know the magic behind those color catchers that you throw into your load of laundry that soak up the vibrant colors and prevent your underwear from turning pink – except that they work.

One night I decided to delete old text messages from my sister, and, by the time I was done, at least 2000 of them were trashed. The number of times we have exchanged existing plans for our days was miniscule compared to how many times we told each other what we were making for dinner, how we felt that day and that we were about to “hop” into the shower. We are well-matched for the mundane activities of our lives!

It was a good day for me in the supermarket. First, a woman asked me to reach a can of German potato salad from the shelf and I was able to grab it for her. (Who knew German potato salad came in a can? And who would pick ME to reach it? That was a desperate – and SHORT – woman!) And second, I was able to open three produce bags without any hesitation (or licking my fingers). That’s a big day for me! And who knew that there was something called a “Personal watermelon? I found it in ShopRite, near a bunch of round, green fruit labeled “Melogold Grapefruit.” When I posted this information on Facebook, I was told that the latter are like pomelos, which sounds to me like a cross between pomegranates and melons. But that’s not the case. I wonder what else I have been missing.

I waited so long in the exam room for the doctor last week that I really thought she forgot about me and went out to lunch. But no, the doctor came in and examined me eventually. Can’t get out of that one.

Don’t you hate it when you are in someone’s house and they tell you not to look around because the place is a mess and you know it looks better than your place even after it has been cleaned? Or you tell them they look nice in their outfit and they declare it as some old rag they would never have worn had they known someone was coming.

Remember when you would go on a cruise or stay in a hotel and two little candies would magically arrive on your pillow at night? Now there aren’t even bedspreads, and you sure don’t want someone walking into your room. And I’m not sure I want to spend my vacation with a couple of thousand people on a cruise ship right now. But I sure do miss those candies, however.

I haven’t quite adjusted to the fact that the Lord & Taylor store at Bridgewater Commons closed permanently during the pandemic. I don’t know where to go for a dressy dress when I eventually need one. But adding insult to injury, the store will be used as a megasite for vaccine distribution. That kind of breaks my heart just a little.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas – and has been since before Halloween, when Christmas trees went on display at Costco. The other way you can tell is by the arrival of the “Holiday Edition” catalogs, first the “Early Holiday” or “Holiday Preview” versions and then the full-fledged holiday catalogs. This means that if you have ever bought anything from Omaha Steaks, you will get their catalog, along with Harry & David’s fruits and treats, Wolferman’s for their muffins and baked goods and a myriad of catalogs from places where I have never shopped, like The Sharper Image or Hammacher’s. My recycling bundle this month is twice its normal size!

Hanukah was so early this year that it was over by December 5. For the first time ever, I decided to light up my electric menorah anyway. After all, many people keep their Christmas decorations and lights up until after New Year’s Day, so why not light that menorah even though Hanukah is officially over?

One of the highlights of my month was going to the State Theater in New Brunswick – my first of any kind of show since the pandemic began – to see Cirque Holidaze, featuring Ben Broughton, son of my dear friend Colleen. Although we had never met before, I’m always up-to-date on his performing career and proud as any "aunt" could be. I’ve seen Colleen, who lives in Redmond, Washington, twice in the last 15 years, yet we correspond frequently and keep those bonds of friendship strong. It was great to meet Ben in person after his sensational performance in a jump-rope troupe in this magical show. I hugged him a few times and requested that he share one of them with Colleen. I think I smiled all night – except for lamenting the fact that they was no Playbill to send to Colleen or to add to my collection that goes back to shows from the 60s!

And just like that…STOP READING IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS ABOUT THE NEW VERSION OF SEX & THE CITY. Just like that, our 50ish heroine arrives at the sumptuous apartment she shares with her husband, Big, and finds him in the midst of what appears to be a heart attack. And just like that, she calls 911, right? What? No? Has this woman never seen an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy?” questions my dear friend Marie, who has seen every one of the 20 years worth. No, she kisses him, ruining her expensive and treasured Manolo Blahnik shoes from her wedding as she hugs him in the shower instead of trying CPR. I know we are supposed to see Carrie dating again in her 50s, so having Big as her husband would no longer work, but couldn’t they have found any other way to knock him off besides keeling over after pedaling his Peloton and not getting the first aid he needed?

My next entry in this series will be my Movies & More reviews for December and the year. So, until then, enjoy the holidays and don’t go crazy prepping for them. Let’s hope for better times when we are safely with friends, family and all our loved ones this holiday season and in the new year! Thanks for reading.

November 2021 Movies & More

I'm trying to end the year with a flourish and managed to see 15 movies or TV series in November. Numbering picks up from previous months and an asterisk indicates that I haven't seen the show previously. Everything is rated from 0-5 cans (for the first time), with 5 being the top.

143.  The Gift* (2000, On Demand – free) – If I were semi-psychic Annie Wilson (Cate Blanchett), I’d return the gift. Annie, a young widow with three boys living meagerly in the south, does card readings for the locals for extra income. She also has detailed dreams and premonitions about bad things that are going to happen to the people of the town, and some of them are determined to make those dreams come true. The last movie I watched like this was “The Sixth Sense,” because this type of movie is not the genre I prefer. But I have to say that the stellar cast (Keanu Reeves, Katie Holmes, Greg Kinnear and Hilary Swank) does a great job, and the Australian Blanchett carries off a Southern accent as well as the mighty Meryl Streep. 3 cans.
144.  Tupperware!* (2004, PBS American Experience; I watched on PBS Documentaries, which requires a subscription) – Who doesn’t own Tupperware? The ubiquitous plastic food storage containers were invented by a man named – you guessed it – Earl Tupper in the 1950s. Initially sold in stores, the product really took off when a woman named Brownie Wise (seriously, that was her real name) convinced Mr. Tupper to abandon stores in favor of home parties. At the time, women were once again relegated to the kitchen despite their important presence during WWII, so conducting parties to sell products was a way for them to socialize and make some money. Brownie took over sales and became renowned as one of the few female executives of her time. This movie is not exactly a blockbuster (and I have seen a documentary on Blockbuster, too), but it is a great reflection of the times that features some degree of female empowerment. Brownie was quite a character! 3 cans.
145.  Land* (2021, HBO) – There’s getting away from it all and then there’s this movie, where a forelorn Robin Wright (who also produced and directed) retreats to a remote location in Wyoming to live absolutely alone and on her own. Clearly, some event in her past has spurred this decision, so she ditches her phone and moves into a cabin with enough supplies – so she thinks – to eke out a solitary existence. But when circumstances turn dire and it looks like she won’t make it, she is fortunate to be found by a nurse (what a coincidence!) and a local man named Miguel (Dermian Bichir) who becomes a friend and teaches her how to survive. Wright gives a terrific performance as a grief-stricken woman determined to keep her distance from society, but you question whether she really wants to live at all. There’s very little dialog in the first part of the movie, and no volleyball for her to befriend, a la “Castaway,” as she tries to figure out how to make the best of her surroundings. 3½ cans.
146.  Queen Bees* (2021, Showtime) – When Mean Girls leave high school and get really old, they wind up in retirement homes like Pine Gardens, where independent senior citizen Helen (Ellen Burstyn) agrees to move for a month while the house she accidentally set on fire is being repaired. She’s a widow with her own way of doing things, asking little from anyone, but she is immediately rejected by the “cool kids” at the new abode who won’t let her sit at their table in the dining room and who reject her from the bridge club. The mean girls are led by an acerbic Jane Curtain and her nicer cohorts, played by Loretta Devine and Ann-Margret. These ladies can be a little rowdy, when they start flirting with the handsome young aqua aerobics instructor or chasing old men in the home, looking for husband #6. But Helen finds a good guy in Dan (an aging James Caan), who she teaches to dance. This is a sweet and mostly gentle movie – apart from a scene when Curtain’s character knees a purse snatcher in the groin – and it isn’t as silly as something like “Poms,” but I’m still waiting to see a movie that depicts older people living together without the cliches and would-be cuteness typically included in these movies. Burstyn, as always, gives a top-flight performance. 3 cans.
147.  Tumbledown* (2015, Prime Video) – Ted Lasso goes to Maine in this better-than-Hallmark rom-com. Andrew McDonald (Jason Sudeikis) travels to Maine to write about a singer-songwriter whose accidental death has made him larger than life. Andrew, a professor and writer, wants to include him in his new book about less-well-known artists. Hannah, the anguished widow (Rebecca Hall), cannot get through her grief and sees Andrew’s work as a way to express her loss, so she invites him – albeit a little reluctantly – to collaborate with her on the tome. Of course, she lives in a quaint and quirky town with off-beat characters, and, like Ted Lasso, Andrew is a fish-out-of-water, hailing from NYC. As can be expected, sparks do fly. You will have to tune in to get the rest of the story – and it is worth it. Not quite worth 4 cans, but somewhere over 3½.
148.  Diana* (2021, CNN) – In case there is anything you didn’t already know about the life and death of Diana, the Princess of Wales and mother of the future King of England, here it is, in all its smarmy glory. Based largely on the recordings made by Diana in interviews with biographer Andrew Morton, this documentary does make you feel sorry for Diana. She really thinks she is marrying Prince Charming, but Charles doesn’t quite carry off that title, especially since he keeps former girlfriend Camilla around throughout the ill-fated marriage. Diana is young and innocent, but she grows beautifully into her role as a woman of style and substance even amid her unhappiness. Diana is a popular subject in our culture right now, with a dreadful musical on Broadway (with the film version available on Netflix) and as a main character in the most recent season of Netflix’ “The Crown.” My advice: Let the poor woman rest in peace. 3½ cans.
149.  Dear Evan Hansen* (2021, On Demand and also available in theaters) – I was absolutely enthralled by the original stage version of this musical, but now, knowing the plot and the songs, it is hard to determine if the magic was missing because of the familiarity of the story and the music or because the Broadway show was just better. Truly, it is almost impossible to replicate the feeling of a stage production, when the lights go down and the orchestra music comes up and the performers command the stage. I’m stalling here, because I did like the movie and don’t want to say anything really bad about it, so let’s stick to the facts. Ben Platt recreates his stage role as Evan Hansen, a high school student with few friends and no confidence. Connor, another boy in his school, has similar issues, but he is more aggressive, and when he finds a letter written by Evan to himself at the direction of his therapist, he steals the “Dear Evan Hansen” paper. The misunderstandings of this act lead the characters to conclusions and down paths they shouldn’t be on. This is a sad story but too typical of the drama of high school, where the fight for acceptance, the fight not to get lost, is part of everyday life. When Connor’s family accepts Evan and wants more about the assumed friendship between them, Evan is eager to help them by providing details of a friendship that never existed. The plaintive tunes and heartbreaking lyrics were better served live, but the cast does a good job here (although Ben Platt looks a little long in the tooth to be a high school student, unless he is The Fonz). I watched the movie with someone who never saw the Broadway version and only knew the story as “about a kid wearing a cast.” She liked it, but clearly not as much as I liked my initial exposure to the show. See it for yourself, whether or not you have seen it live on Broadway, and let me know what YOU think. 4 cans.
150.  Shall We Dance? (2004, Hulu) – Richard Gere is John, a lawyer whose train trip home to his loving wife Beverly (Susan Sarandon) passes the window of Miss Mitzi’s Dance Studio. When he spies the lovely Paulina (Jennifer Lopez), he is smitten and signs up for dance lessons. This movie is one where you really hope the main characters don’t go off the rails and have an affair. Gere is just a little awkward in life and on the dance floor as he learns the moves and seeks more joy – which is the central theme here. There is one scene near the very end that makes every woman I know sigh audibly. A sweet, somewhat comical and charming movie. 3½ cans.
151.  Wait For Your Laugh* (2017, Netflix) – It turns out that everything I knew about the life and times of the late comedian Rose Marie wasn’t much at all. This documentary traces her start as a precocious 4-year-old with the voice of a woman who starred as a singer. As she grew older – never really hitting that stage when child stars become forgotten as adults – she played clubs from New York to the nascent Las Vegas, where only the Flamingo Hotel offered a venue. She was a true entertainer, someone who danced and sang and did comedy bits to broaden her act. She also became friends with mobsters from New York to Chicago to Las Vegas, all of whom liked and respected her and made sure she was protected. Contrary to her man-chasing comedy writer role as Sally Rogers on the classic “Dick Van Dyke Show” (offered the job by producer Carl Reiner, Rose Marie quipped, “What’s a Dick Van Dyke?”), she was happily married and had a daughter – and she rarely stopped working. I came away with a whole new sense of admiration for a woman who succeeded as a singer and comedian in what was largely a male-dominated profession. Worth watching. 3½ cans.
152.  King Richard* (2021, HBO Max and in theaters) – How do you become a true champion in any field? Well, it helps if your father has decided your fate before you are born and ties every action taken on every single day of your life to achieving that goal. Meet the Man with the Plan, Richard Williams (Will Smith), father of tennis champions Venus and Serena Williams, who got their start on the courts of Compton, California, not at a tennis academy or in an affluent area. Williams had a master plan and stuck to it, drilling and coaching his willing pupils, even surviving beatings by local punks who did not want him to succeed. Meanwhile, he and his wife held down full-time jobs and raised the entire family, not just the two future champs. To say he was driven is an understatement. Did he succeed? Both Venus and Serena won all the major championships, and Serena is considered by some to be not just the best FEMALE tennis player of all-time, but simply the best tennis player, PERIOD (though this movie focuses most of the attention on Venus, the older sister). King Richard’s techniques could best be described as unconventional, and his approach overbearing, but it worked. Now we need a movie about the sisters themselves (who serve as producers of the film) and not their father. 3½ cans.
153.  Captain Fantastic* (2016, Netflix) – If you guessed that this is one of those superhero blockbusters that I generally avoid, you would be wrong. The “superhero” here is a man raising his many kids completely off the grid, educating them, teaching them to speak multiple languages, climb mountains and stay physically fit and mentally curious. But when a family tragedy forces him to reenter society – albeit briefly – the results go pretty much as you would expect. These kids know book learning but not about social interaction. Viggo Mortensen gives an excellent performance as the determined dad who is not ready to let any of these kids assimilate into society. 3 cans.
154. The Gathering (1977, Rental) – I’m not a big fan of Christmas movies. I avoid the Hallmark Channel, and, truth be told, I don’t really like “It’s a Wonderful Life.” So why THIS Christmas movie, a 45-year-old TV movie about a family gathering for Christmas? You can start with Ed Asner and Maureen Stapleton as the parents of a large and estranged family. Asner’s Adam Thornton is told by his doctor that he is dying and has only a short time left, so he decides to enlist his wife (they have been separated for years but not divorced) in getting his adult kids back to the family home for Christmas – but without revealing why he so desperately wants to see them. There are old wounds to heal and a son living in Canada to avoid the draft (yes, this IS an old movie) and Dad is stubborn and didn’t make their lives easy. Will they show up in time? Can they function as a family, even without knowing the maudlin truth? Ed Asner gives a stellar performance, and Stapleton is perfect as the wife he abandoned who still loves him but has learned to live without him. If I don’t see any other Christmas movies this year, that’s OK, because this is one I have waited to see again for many, many years. 3½ cans and a lump in the throat.
155.  The Morning Show, Season 2* (2021, Apple TV+) – This program about a fictional morning news program had to deal with the reality of Covid this season. The producers and writers had to find a way to work the pandemic into their storyline for the year and reflect the uncertainty that started in March as the virus was declared a pandemic. The characters here seem realistic, and the panic caused by Covid is portrayed here with confusion – just as in real life. Jennifer Anniston and Reese Witherspoon return as the anchors of “The Morning Show,” although Anniston’s Alex Levy doesn’t have her heart in it anymore after the departure of her former colleague, Mitch (Steve Carrell), who has left the UBS Network in the wake of a Matt Lauer-like scandal. This season brings the arrival of veteran news anchor Laura Peterson (Julianna Margulies), whose character adds some spice; a drugged-out brother for Witherspoon’s Bradley, who is confronting her sexual identity; racial and ethnic issues; and the creepy, scary, look-out, it’s coming to get you Coronavirus. All told, a very busy and not always comfortable 10 episodes, but enough to probably get the series picked up for another season. 4 cans.
156.  Selling Sunset, Season 4* (2021, Netflix) – The blonde bombshell real estate agents for LA’s Oppenheimer group are back and back at it again. Unlike “The Morning Show” reviewed above, this series ignores the pandemic in favor of showing you women stepping out of cars with long legs and gravity-defying high heels – and every single episode seems required to show that shot. There’s a new addition to the group this year and she stirs the drink when it turns out she once dated the same guy that Queen Bee Christine dated. Christine has the fastest recovery from birthing a baby in the history of motherhood and returns to the office to mix it up with her best frenemies. Look, this isn’t Bill Moyers on PBS, I know that, but it is a guilty pleasure. If you like stunning homes with views for miles, along with that “Mean Girls” passive-aggressive attitude, this guilty pleasure is for you. There are 10 episodes, and next season is already being filmed. 4 cans but certainly NOT for everyone!
157.  House of Gucci* (2021, in the theater) – Lady Gaga brings her star power to her role as Patrizia Reggiani, an ambitious young woman who meets the quiet and shy Maurizio Gucci (Adam Driver) heir to the fashion house of the same name and sets her sights on him. Patrizia has a head for business and pushes Maurizio to get more involved in the family concern, which is controlled by his father (Jeremy Irons) and Uncle Aldo (Al Pacino). Aldo’s son (an unrecognizable Jared Leto, wearing a completely questionable wardrobe) is also part of the business, but he’s unreliable and might be involved in questionable practices like his father. The movie transitions into hell hath no fury like a woman scorned once Maurizio begins to flex his fashion muscles and wants to dump Patrizia. I won’t reveal the plot, though you can easily find the details in any review (except mine!). I see an Oscar nomination for Gaga, who, at times looks like a cross between Joan Collins and Rizzo from “Grease.” This movie was a little too long and a little too campy – unintentional or not – for me. 4 cans.
 

November Nothings

I understand the Hallmark Christmas movies debuting at the end of October in the run-up to the holiday, but can someone explain why one of the Hallmark channels aired “A Walton Easter” on October 22? 

I find it odd that the local bagel shop sells quesadillas and downright maddening that its sign says “Quesadilla’s” with an apostrophe.

It is fall foliage season, which means the people in my photography club feel compelled to take a picture of every leaf from every tree in the area and share them with the group. I had so many images of trees in my own collection from years past that I have stopped taking them altogether. Some of the shared pictures are absolutely stunning, but others are nothing more than snapshots. We go through this same process in the spring, where some people take pictures of every blossom on every bush as if we have never seen one before. I get it, you like to take pictures, but unless the picture is really outstanding, spare the share! 

I realize that some of what I buy in the supermarket is limited to what I can reach on the shelf.

I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to chocolate with salt, but I am willing to keep trying!

I think that if the car warranty people call you 50 times and you never pick up and never call them back, your name should just be dropped from the list. Face it, guys, this warranty thing isn’t going to happen. There should be a “mercy” rule like in kids’ sports, where when the game is out of hand, it’s over. I only wish that every time someone said, “This is your LAST call,” they meant it!

I have never sneezed as much as I have this year. There must be something in the air!

You know you’re getting old when you get a bunch of birthday cards in the mail and you open the envelope from United Healthcare first.

I saw a springform pan on sale at ShopRite and thought about buying it, along with a bundt pan, until I remembered that I don’t bake.

Now that ice cream season has ended and soup season has started, I had some store-bought, packaged butternut squash soup for lunch. I have to admit that I had to restrain myself from adding salt to the low-sodium variety. I sure could have used a pinch or two!

One day I went to aqua aerobics, out to lunch, to ShopRite and then to get my hair cut. I was so tired that you would think I just plowed the north forty.

I hate when I am eating a sandwich and I take a bite and the meat starts to slide out the side or bottom of the roll. By the time you are near the end of the half of the sandwich, the bottom portion of the bread has disappeared completely and you have to eat the rest of it upside down!

There is ALWAYS laundry. Maybe because I am at aqua aerobics three times a week and there are towels and bathing suits to wash, but it is more than that. I had to get out all of the sweatshirts and winter pajamas and wash them. And then I had to gather my Rutgers gear and get those basketball shirts freshened up for the new season. The throw blankets didn’t smell quite right to put on the couch after being cooped up in my closet all summer, so they went into the wash. It seems like last year’s quarantine – when I was wearing the same thing for three days running – required a lot less laundry!

Speaking of laundry, as I was doing a lousy job folding my allegedly permanent-press sheets, I was thinking about how my mother would take an old Coke bottle, fill it with water, put a sprinkler top on it and wet the pillowcases (along with my father’s shirts), roll them up and put them in the refrigerator. I think we had more laundry than food in the fridge sometimes! When she had enough of a load, she would take everything out and iron it. Wow, times have changed. Not only don’t I have laundry in the refrigerator, but can you even buy Coke in a glass bottle?

Do you sleep on the left side, the right side, or in the middle of the bed? My answer to this question would be YES (all three).

You know how in the movie when a couple has spent the night together, the first one up takes the blanket or sheet off the bed and modestly wraps him/herself in it? That couldn’t happen here. I make the bed so tightly that you would be lucky to get into it, no less out of it!

My father always told us that you should find something positive to say about a person. So, if you can think of nothing else positive to say about me, please note that I can always get an injection or have blood drawn without even flinching. Pretty commendable, right?

I have a stash of little metal things that look like they fell off a lamp, and keys to God-knows-what and zillions of buttons that came with clothes I probably no longer own – all things that for some reason I am afraid to throw out. My collection of chargers alone is substantial, and do I know what each one is for? An old phone that no longer works – in the house or in the car? Yet I can’t part with these things. Just in case, you know…

I always wondered how you were supposed to know whether you are in the last three cars of the train that don’t “platform,” meaning you have to run like hell to move up to where you can get off when the train pulls into your station. Usually, you’re running to get on the train, and unless you know there are plenty of cars in front or behind where you hopped on, who knows whether your car is going to make it so you can get off before you have to do the 100-yard dash?

Last month I ranted about receiving multiple reminders about my dental appointment. That’s as bad as receiving an email from your doctor that informs you that you have a message in your chart, which means you have to establish an account with the practice to access that information. And then it turns out that the message is just a thank you for showing up! In that case, I’d prefer just an email, a text or a voice mail, because setting up the account means another username and password I have to remember. Why is everything so complicated?

At some point soon, I am going to need a fancy dress – and I don’t know where to go to shop for one. The Lord & Taylor at my local mall had the nerve to shutter its doors during the pandemic. I felt like we broke up and I never got to say goodbye. They got custody of all the nice clothes! I have been to the mall only once or twice since the beginning of the pandemic, but what I strange feeling it will be not to see L&T there. I guess Macy’s wins by default.

When I was growing up, there were two kinds of apples to eat – Macintosh and Delicious. Although people then used Granny Smith apples for baking, they weren’t found in my house since we were NOT the house of pies. Now there are so many varieties that it takes as long to pick out apples as it does to select a pair of shoes. Maybe I should have an apple tasting party to sample the many varieties!

I'm a football fan but I am also a creature of habit. When I turn on the TV on Sunday morning at 9, I want to see Jane Pauley and "CBS Sunday Morning," not Trevor Lawrence in London with the Jaguars. (That sounds like "Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the lead pipe," doesn't it?)

Here’s the thing about microwave popcorn: If you keep it in the microwave for just a few seconds too long, it will burn and stink up your kitchen for weeks to come. But if you take it out too soon, you are left with too many unpopped kernels, which seems wasteful. I rarely make popcorn, but, when I do, I try to find a happy medium for popping time.

I found a foolproof method for making the mums in front of my house always look good: When they die, I throw them out and buy new ones. At a price of three pots for $15, it costs less than eating lunch out and they always look good. Of course, watering them instead of waiting for the anticipated rain that never seems to come when you need it would also do the trick. The replacements looked great yesterday, but they must have looked especially attractive to the local deer, because this morning all of the blooms were GONE! And now, so are the mums.

Every single piece of mail delivered Saturday went immediately into the recycling pile – after a brief detour so I could block out my name and address with my nifty little CONFIDENTIAL stamp! Most of my bills are sent electronically and I pay them online, so the mail that comes to the house generally consists of advertisements and pleas for fundraising campaigns. This seems like such a waste of time, paper and ink to me.

You know you have been friends for a long time (in this case, 53 years) when the BFF sends you a beautiful birthday card with a lovely note and tucked inside is an article on the accuracy of expiration dates on food, a subject on which we have divergent views. OK, I get it – “sell by” doesn’t mean it isn’t still good, and “use by” means you can freeze it. So, this is what friendship has come to, discussions of the safety of food. I consider myself lucky to have a friend who cares that much about me that she doesn’t want to see my waste my money by tossing out food that is still good. You really are the BEST, Jo.