Mid-Summer Ramblings

1.    Today is the 15th of July, which means summer is essentially over. Bathing suits will be immediately replaced by winter coats, and any day now Costco will be selling Christmas trees. If you didn’t get your shorts and t-shirts by now, you are probably out of luck!
2.    This morning I got up early to clean the house – so the cleaning lady could come. You know you do it, too. She doesn’t need to sort the mail or straighten the magazines. I need her to clean the floor and get rid of the cobwebs. So I got up early to properly prep so she could do the real cleaning.
3.    It is beach season, and these days getting in and out of a beach chair would be a real challenge for me. The lower they are to the sand, the more I’m going to need an ejector seat! And forget any kind of Adirondack chairs! I would need the jaws of life to get me up from one of those!
4.    Which reminds me – I am so accustomed to the higher toilet seats in my house that when I have to use a public restroom, I feel like I am squatting over a hole in the floor. All toilets should be high, and every stall should have grab bars. Spoken like a true (almost) 75-year-old!
5.    I am having trouble discerning the marketing tags put on toilet paper packages these days. How does a “mega” roll compare to an “ultra” or “super” roll? All I know is that they all seem to run out too soon.
6.    I now belong to the “We Do Not Care Club,” started online by Melani, a woman who realized how many women going through menopause, perimenopause or even post-menopause are operating with sleep deficits and brain fog that make us just not care. She proclaims that we don’t care if we wear the same clothes all week since they fit us and are comfortable, or we don’t care if we are going to a social gathering late, because we didn’t really want to go in the first place. You can find her on Facebook or Instagram, and she is popping up on newscasts, too, as her common sense humorous declarations have surged in popularity. Check her out. She is hilarious – and correct!
7.    To me, four of the scariest words in the English language are “Push down while turning” on a bottle of pills. Sometimes I think I might have to drive back to CVS to get someone there to open the damn bottle for me. 
8.    I picked up Victoria, my new car, in May, one day before my knee surgery, so the car sat alone in the garage for a few weeks while I recovered enough to get in and drive her. She must have wondered why she was pulled off the showroom floor at the local Mercedes dealership, where she had been surrounded by lots of other beautiful cars all getting plenty of attention, only to sit alone, ignored and untouched for weeks. Now we are getting to know each other better. I have found the button to air cool the seats and I have set up my favorites on the radio. I can even ask Victoria to park the car for me if I can refrain from touching the wheel or hitting the brakes. I’m not sure we have reached that level of trust yet, but some day…Meanwhile, she tries to butter me up by greeting me personally every time I get into the car. “Good morning, Tina Gordon,” or “Welcome back, Tina,” or even “Nice to see you again, Tina Gordon” are her way of building rapport.
9.    There is a new show debuting in the fall on CBS TV that is all about the goings-on at the DMV (Division of Motor Vehicles). NOBODY likes going there. There are always lines, always people in bad moods (clients AND workers), and everything takes longer than it should. Who wants to watch a comedy about that? When I first retired (at the beginning of 2007!), I went to the DMV office to renew my driver’s license. I brought enough identification cover everyone in the place (birth certificate, passport, license, PSE&G bill, etc.), and a book to read. I had all day to wait if necessary since I didn’t have to get back to work. I guarantee that I was the only relaxed and happy person there that day! 
10.    I live in a 55+ community where I’d guess the average age is at least 10 years higher than that 55 minimum. The other day I was telling someone about a woman I saw in the pool, and I described her as “an older woman with white hair.” No kidding, Tina! That describes virtually every woman here!
11.    My sister recently admitted to me that she has never eaten a Big Mac or a Whopper. I know she has been to McDonalds and Burger King with her son (both were excellent bribes for attending Hebrew school back in the day) and she has sampled the fries, but she has no desire to order a burger of any kind. I’m not a big proponent of fast food myself, but I’ll indulge myself from time to time (much less frequently these days) in a flame-broiled Whopper from Burger King. I do this so rarely that several years ago I pulled up to the drive-through at McDonalds’s and ordered a Whopper, which is made by Burger King. My knowledge of these places should continue to decline for health reasons!
12.    I have been enjoying a delightful TV food show with Eva Longoria called “Searching for Spain.” The actress, whose ancestors came from Spain, goes to various regions of the country and highlights the food traditions in each. Needless to say, everything looks scrumptious. The problem is that the show airs on CNN and every time there is breaking news, it gets pre-empted. I tried recording the repeated episodes in the middle of the night, but even they have been bumped off air by more important programming. I have been to several of the areas of Spain featured on the show. I guess I’ll have to visit the others in person if I ever want to get the whole picture!
13.    Next month my sister and I are going to Chicago to see her son and his wife, who bought a townhouse there. They had been living in a 4-story walk up apartment that reminded me of the show “Barefoot in the Park,” which goes WAY back. You had to walk up four flights of stairs just to get to their front door, which was tough for me and my knee. Their new townhouse requires just one flight to get to the front door, but the kitchen, main living area, bedrooms and rooftop deck are all on separate floors, so we still have 4 flights to climb to see the whole thing. I’d buy him a ranch house if he would let me!
14.    At the end of June I completed 20 years on the Board of the Associate Alumnae of Douglass College, including two terms as president. I also served as head of communications several times and, most recently, as Board secretary. This work was (mostly) a labor of love, as I got to take on new responsibilities and make countless new friends among alumnae whom I did not know during my time as a student. This organization was created by alumnae, is driven by alumnae and supported by alumnae. Any graduate of Douglass is automatically considered a member. If you are looking for a great way to spend your time, attend one of our events, volunteer, or make a donation to ensure that the next 100+ years will be as dynamic as the first century. As for me, I’m on a break, but I’ll probably see you at future events.
15.    I reported the following milestone on Facebook earlier this month but am repeating it here as a public service for those of you who avoid social media.
Those of you who don’t know me well may not be aware that on July 11, 2000, I underwent successful surgery at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital in New York to remove a cancerous tumor in my colon. The only way this growth could have been identified is through a colonoscopy, which I had to fight to have since I was just under the recommended age for the procedure at that time. Having seen newscaster Katie Couric go through a colonoscopy on TV, I knew it was what I needed and I understood the risks and what might happen. Friends, I tell you this not just to celebrate my 25-year survival, but to urge you to have a colonoscopy. Sure, the prep is brutal, but it is only a temporary inconvenience compared to discovering too late that you have colon cancer. I was one of the lucky ones; my cancer was discovered very early and did not require radiation or chemotherapy. I have had many colonoscopies, CAT scans, and other imaging as follow-ups, but now I am on a five-year schedule (though I usually go after 4 years just to be safe). Don’t put it off. A colonoscopy can save your life. It saved mine!