Summer Reading

It turns out that those annoying strings on a banana have both a name and a purpose.  They are called “phloem” (which sounds like phlegm to me; equally annoying) and their purpose is to distribute nutrients up and down the banana as it grows.  We can think of them as the umbilical cord for bananas, I guess.

Life is too short to read books you don’t like.  Being in a Book Club forces you to read books which are not always what you would select.  The current offering falls into that category.  I feel like I am back in English Lit class and reading Beowulf again!  So, let’s be more selective in our Book Club choices!

Have you ever noticed that the kitchen table on “The Golden Girls” only has three chairs?  Poor Sophia always has to stand at the stove cooking something, unless they get her a stool.  They need a fourth chair, but that chair would get in the way of a clear TV shot of the action.

Am I the only one worried about Cheryl and her “she-shed” that burned down?  All-State says it was covered, but still…

The lady in front of me at Dollar Tree the other day spent $59.  Do you know how many items that is (come on, the math isn’t so hard)?  I don’t think there was a package of cookies left in the store when she was through.

Here’s how to solve one of life’s biggest conundrums: Require that EVERYONE must put down the lid on the toilet seat – not just the seat, but the lid. That means women and men, boys and girls, ALL have to take action and we are not discriminating against men who leave the seat up.  The toilet looks much better closed, too.

Who is this J.D. Power guy and why does he think he knows which companies are the best in everything from cars to life insurance?

Not only is the daily newspaper THIN these days (even on Sundays, with Parade Magazine downsized), but the plastic bag it comes in could not get any thinner.  You can hardly use it to clean up after your pet!  I no longer subscribe, and nothing about the Star-Ledger’s diminished size and coverage could get me to re-up my subscription, which I stopped when I moved to this development and they could not seem to find me!

I just had the windows washed.  Expect torrential downpours.

One of the things I like best about my DVR is the feature that allows me to press FAST FORWARD during the commercials on a recorded program and have it stop automatically as the program resumes.  If you don’t have that feature or don’t know if you have it, it is worth checking.  I think of that feature as EZ Pass for TV.

Watching “Beaches” was not the cheeriest way to start my day, I admit, but I love that movie!

No matter how hot it is outside, I always put on a jacket or sweatshirt when I go into the supermarket or Costco.  It is freezing in those places!

It must be a rough day in the old washing machine when the clothes emerge inside out.

I typically keep my movie reviews separate from my “random thoughts,” but I will make an exception to comment on the 2005 movie “March of the Penguins.”  This stunning documentary shows the King Penguins marching from Antarctica to their breeding ground, where they mate, give birth, go and get food and go home, all around the season (such as they are) in this intemperate climate.  What struck me is when they start the mating process.  I guess it is like a penguin singles bar.  The male and female penguins size each other up and then select a mate, whom they pledge to be with monogamously until the births have come and gone and their babies are forced to be on their own.  The women leave for food (a trip that takes many miles and weeks; it is NOT like a quick trip to ShopRite), and when they return, the males are carefully guarding their eggs.  How they can tell who’s who is a real question to me since they all look alike.  They emit some high-pitched sounds, which I can only assume helps them tell each other apart, but I picture Pete the Penguin saying to Harry the Penguin, “Have you seen Mary?  I think that’s her over there with that look on her face, but I can’t tell.  All I know is that I’m probably in big trouble.”  Meanwhile, I expect Mary to be commiserating with her gang, telling the other ladies, “Pete never treats me special.  He acts like I’m just like everyone else.”  All this speculation was left out of the final cut but see the movie anyway.  And you can make up your own story.

My Yankees have had more players on the Injured Reserve List this year than at any time I can recall.  Even stellar broadcasters John Sterling and Michael Kay – who haven’t missed an assigned game in decades – have been unable to work due to medical issues.  And yet the team is doing fine despite the injuries.  Go figure.

And speaking of the IR List, I am about to go on it myself.  Early in August I will be undergoing surgery for a torn rotator cuff, a bone spur, a calcium deposit and a frayed tendon in my right shoulder.  Yes, I am right-handed.  My surgeon assures me that he can go in arthroscopically and just “clean things up.”  I’ll have a nerve block to kill the pain for the first 18-24 hours, he says, and then some pain pills.  He makes it sound like it is NO BIG DEAL.  However, my sister has had this surgery on each of her shoulders, and her take is a little different.  And a friend confirms that just doing the simplest things – like getting dressed – will NOT be easy.  The doc says I can drive in a couple of days, but I already have trouble getting the seatbelt on because of the pain, so I can’t imagine how that will be possible following surgery.  My left arm has already gone on record to say that it is merely along for the ride, and if I think it will pick up the slack – in places like the bathroom and shower – I am afraid I will be sadly mistaken.  So, if you see me next month with really bad hair and looking like 7 miles of bad road (I’m told sleeping is really difficult), please remember that I am on Injured Reserve.  All those years of playing softball and reading about other people’s rotator cuff problems finally caught up with me.  I just want to be able to hang things on the higher rack in the closet, fasten my seatbelt and pull up my pants without pain.  Is that asking too much?

Because of this injury and my forthcoming surgery, I will have to stay offline for a while, and the break could not have come at a better time.  I am getting bored and tired of pictures on Facebook of everyone’s second cousins, the dish they made for dinner last night, their pedicured feet facing the pool or on the beach, videos of animals and babies (or baby animals), and pictures of everyone’s vacation.  The last straw was when a friend announced the passing of her “devoted fish.”  Love you, Linda, but a devoted fish?  Was there a funeral or did you just flush him into that great fishbowl in the sewer?  Yeah, I am ready for a social media blackout, especially until I would be able to access the computer or phone without pain.  So, don’t expect my usual clever and amusing posts for at least a couple of weeks, starting August 5.  I’m sure you will all manage just fine without me.