And Another Thing...

Don’t ask me that wintertime question, “Is it cold enough for you?”  It was cold enough for me when it was 50 degrees.

I think we are all so spoiled by Kohl’s coupons that when we get the 30% one, we practically race to the store to use it, but when it is only a 15% coupon, we can’t be bothered wasting our time and resent it.

Come on, Oreos.  It was hard enough to resist the Double Stuf (sic) variety, and then you give us the “Most Stuf” variety, and you advertise it as a limited edition, implying that we had better stock up on these before they disappear from the shelves.  You’re killing me!

If you come up next to me and try to give me a hug, don’t.  I have a very sore right shoulder, and the best I can offer is one of those one-armed hugs that athletes exchange.  And if you do get close and wonder what that interesting new scent is that I am wearing, it is “Essence of Biofreeze,” a jaunty, menthol fragrance that not only works to relieve pain in my shoulder (at least a little), but also clears out stuffy sinuses – like Vicks VapoRub.  There’s nothing like the smell of Biofreeze or BenGay to remind you that your body is decaying.

Life is a cacophony of sounds when you get older.  There are the groans you make as you get up from the couch, the snap, crackle and pop of your knees and most other moving parts.  This getting old is NOT for the weaklings among us!

It is tough to lose weight on a C-Food diet, when all my favorite things start with the letter C: chocolate, cake, cookies, candy, cupcakes, chips…and any carb you can name.

One of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2019 was to cut way back on the time I spend on social media.  I found myself watching cat videos – and I am not a cat person at all – or reading recipes for things I shouldn’t (“the ultimate chocolate cake”) or wouldn’t make.  So, if you are missing my humorous tidbits, you will have to read this blog to see what’s on my mind.

What is the purpose of the strings on a banana?

One of the great 21st century tragedies (don’t mind the hyperbole here) is that Linda Ronstadt and Julie Andrews can no longer sing.  Ronstadt says she can sing in her brain, but Parkinson’s has taken away her ability to sing out loud.  The voice that delivered soothing standards, rock, pop and country has been silenced.  And Andrews, a huge presence on stage, screen and television, entertained us with classic musicals but she, too, can no longer perform.  The absence of their presence just makes me so sad.

I have been in ShopRite so often recently that they must think people have moved in with me or that I am working for a soup kitchen, buying so much more food than usual.  Actually, I HAVE been making much more soup lately…

Why do socks come on those tiny hangers?  Sure, I know they help to display the socks in the store, but what can you do with that hanger when you buy the socks and take them home.  I just bought a second pair of Ruth Bader Ginsburg socks online, and THEY came on a hanger.  I wonder if the plastic can be recycled.

I don’t want to say that I wear a lot of old clothes, but I put on a vest today (which is a rare occasion) that is from the 2006 Torino Olympics, sponsored by my former employer, Johnson & Johnson. 

There are so many pictures and headlines on the cover of People magazine that block the name that someone seeing the magazine for the first time might think it was Poople magazine.

Remember when you were a kid and your mother or aunt or grandmother always carried wrapped pieces of hard candy?  I miss the original roll of Lifesavers.  I was the one who grabbed the green, knowing everyone else wanted the cherry.  Lemon and lime were usually available.  Now the green is watermelon or apple favored and I can’t find lime anywhere other than in the lollipops in the lobby at Chase Bank.  Cherry is still cherry, but I’m shut out of my faves.

Why do I always say that I’m going to “hop in the shower” or “jump in the shower?”  Doing either could be very dangerous, and I really don’t want to have to call an ambulance if I fall!

What happens when solar panels are covered with snow?  Does that mean there is no power available from them?  No light?

Every time I pass a sign that says, “Deer Crossing,” I wonder if the deer know that location is where they are supposed to cross.  Can they read?

As you probably know, I often go to the movies.  The cheapest movies I see now are in the morning, when the price is $8.  Long gone are the days when my mother dropped me off at the Cort Theater in Somerville with a dollar in my pocket.  I can remember when movies there cost 25 cents, then 35 cents, and finally 50 cents, which gave me enough money for a ticket, a 25-cent popcorn and a 10-cent soda.  Or, better yet, my friends and I would stop at Wald Drugs near the theater and buy 6 different candies for 25 cents.  Things like a 5-pack of lollipops or candy cigarettes were a nickel a piece, and if you bought 5, you got one for free.  This experience shaped my love of movies – and my waistline – for decades to come!

I always carry gloves in the pockets of my winter coats, but I so rarely actually put them on.  It has to be really, really cold for me to wear them.  I am not sure why.

Half the time when I see the little red light glowing on the DVR, I have no idea what I am recording.  The machine has a better memory than I do and will automatically capture programs that come on for a new season if I had recorded them prior seasons, whether I am aware of their return or not.

I have a lot of very young friends for someone of my age (thanks to my wonderful Associate Alumnae of Douglass College), and the differences in our experiences and outlooks are often much clearer to me than they are to them.  So, when someone says, “This birthday will be my last one in my 20s,” I can’t help but think, “I have sweatshirts older than you are.”  Since I look younger than my age (or so I am told), it might be hard for my young friends to recognize how old I really am.  In many cases, I am older than their parents and old enough to be their grandmother.  I love being with the younger people, sharing experiences and learning about them and from them.  And if they think of me as just one of them, I’m thrilled.  But let’s face it, I can remember when there were 48 states.  That puts my age in context, doesn’t it?

I made my debut as a “Guest Coach” for Rutgers Women’s Basketball on Valentine’s Day.  What an honor!  I sat right near the bench, under the basket, with several of my invited guests and a few other “Coaches.”  I walked out on the floor and received a signed basketball and warm greetings and gratitude from legendary Coach C. Vivian Stringer, had my picture on the big scoreboard and my name announced by my buddy Paul Spychala, the PA announcer, got friendly greetings from the staff, high-fived the team, stood on the floor for the National Anthem and everything was going well to make this a memorable night – until the game started.  Rutgers fell behind immediately and never mounted a serious run at catching up, eventually losing to Ohio State 59-39 in our lowest scoring game of the season.  Had I been the actual coach, I would have suggested that Rutgers score more points.  Alas, I feel my contract for further coaching opportunities will not be renewed.  I “retire” with a 0-1 record.  I will continue to support my favorite team from my regular seats and hope they will shake off the loss and return to the win column soon!  It was a wonderful experience but would have been so much more fun if we had won the game!