More Random Thoughts

No general topic this month, just a bunch of completely random things that have crossed my mind.

Is there anything more annoying than that gummy adhesive stuff used to attach coupons you get in the mail on the flyers from department stores? I want to recycle the flyers but worry that the adhesive will gum up the works. I worry too much.

One of my many pet peeves is when I pull into a gas station and the attendant shows up by my window, takes my credit card, fills my tank, hands me back the card and receipt and never says a word. How about a thank you? If NJ made us pump our own gas, you wouldn't have a job, pal, so express some degree of gratitude, OK?

Is it just me or does everyone have trouble opening those thin plastic bags in the produce aisle? I always want to wet my fingers before I try, but I wouldn't like someone else doing that and then touching the produce.

I will continue to ignore those annoying warnings from my printer that I need to change my cartridge because I only have 90 pages left to print. Printing 90 pages could take me months!

I feel terrible: I just cheated on my car dealer and had the oil changed on my convertible at Quick (or is it “Kwik”?) Lube. But in my defense, these folks are completely as advertised – QUICK! I was in and out of there before I could finish reading the sports section in the Star-Ledger, and I didn’t have to impose on anyone for a drop-off or a pick-up. Not sure how I’ll handle this the next time I go to the dealer for maintenance. I guess I’ll start by peeling off that new sticker they slapped on the windshield. Hmmm.

If you live in Hillsborough, you have to drive with your eyes constantly scanning the road for deer. I know the reflection of a deer's eye versus any mailbox on my route. You have to around here, or you'll wind up hitting one. Yet they stand there and stare at you as you drive by, almost daring you to hit them, as if they had a lawyer waiting in the woods ready to sue you for deer abuse if you do. Now, wild turkeys can be added to my personal wild kingdom. I saw one trotting down Willow Road the other day.

It took me 61 years to eat my first clementine, and I wish I had started sooner. They are a great snack size, easier to peel than oranges, rarely have seeds and are delicious. Why did I wait so long?

I notice lately at the meetings I attend that there are more healthy choices available. Instead of bowls of M&Ms and pretzels, there are raw carrots and trail mix. I guess my being on Weight Watchers is having a good effect on the people with whom I meet. Sure do miss those M&Ms, but it is much easier not having them on the table, tempting me.

For those of you losing or trying to lose weight, don’t you wish you weighed now what you weighed when you first realized you needed to lose weight? We’d all be so much closer to where we want to be.

Do you ever notice that when you drive on a familiar route, you get to your destination without recalling how you got there? I might not remember making the required turns, but I end up where I am supposed to be. I'll just assume the car knows the way.

Speaking of which, often when I check the speedometer, it will be at exactly the speed limit without my having realized it. Again, the car is so familiar with the route that it not only knows the way, but it knows exactly how fast to go. Or it is possessed?

Another pet peeve: Why is the lighting on TV shows so dim? Who works in an office in real life that isn’t flooded with florescent light? Yet when we see characters on TV, you can barely make them out because the lighting is so dark.

Chills and fever = The meanest, most demonic couple since Boris and Natasha. No joke. The combination is more than a pain.

Flu = no appetite = weight loss. This practice is not recommended or endorsed by Weight Watchers, but hey, there has to be some silver lining to this cloud.

So Snooki (from "Jersey Shore," for those of you not in the know) is with child. I can think of no better endorsement for birth control.

A side effect of Tamiflu, the medication I am taking for my bout of flu, may be memory loss. Now, what was I saying? And will I remember to take it?

Imagine that the generation of kids growing up now will never have licked a stamp. They have probably only seen the “forever” variety. And they certainly won’t see any with 6¢ on them.

There are a few things I hate doing in life -- peeling an orange and shaving my legs come to mind -- but I have to confess I don't mind in the least doing my laundry. You throw it in the washer, pop it in the dryer, and, when you are done, you have fresh smelling, clean stuff to put away. Ironing, well that's another matter, but laundry is OK by me. It feels so good when you are done.

Pet Peeve -- I can't stand it when people say, "I think the point I was trying to make was..." You think the point was whatever? Shouldn't you know your own point?

Am I the only person who is bothered by the incorrect use of single quotes? I see them used in headlines and ads all of the time when conventional double quotation marks should be used. This misuse drives me crazy but also reminds me of what wonderful English teachers I had in grade school and high school. They taught me everything I know about grammar and punctuation.

Don’t you hate it when you are watching some TV program and you fall asleep just at the end? Did they win the big case? Who was the murderer? Who’s going home this week on "Biggest Loser?" That’s why I record so much on the DVR. I am constantly replaying the recording to find the answers to these burning questions.

Every time we change the clocks – in spring or fall – my sister and I have a conversation about what time we it is when we wake up the next day. “Is that new time or old time?” is the inevitable question. I love that extra hour in the fall – especially when I was working and totally sleep deprived. When we used to change the clocks at the end of October, I considered it my own personal birthday present since my birthday is October 28.

I watch a lot of ESPN SportsCenter, and for a while all I heard was Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow. Then we went to Linsanity, which, sadly lasted too short a time. And now it is Peyton Manning time. If Peyton signs with Denver, what’s Tim Tebow to do?

Tina's February 2012 Movies

February, 2012

14. Namath* (2012) – This HBO documentary takes a frank look at Joe Namath, former quarterback for the New York Jets. From a star athlete at Beaver Falls, PA, High School through his career at Alabama, to his emergence as Broadway Joe, Namath became a legend. His then-whopping contract with the Jets contributed to the credibility of the American Football League, and his “guarantee” that the Jets would beat the Colts in the Super Bowl in 1967 helped popularize the sport to the fanatical level it enjoys today. His charisma made him one of the first true star pitchmen, memorably shaving with Noxema and wearing pantyhose in TV commercials. But all of that fame and notoriety didn’t make him immune to devastating injuries and his habit of suppressing the pain with alcohol. Still stoop-shouldered and now with a craggy face, Namath recalls his good times and bad with candor and a smile. He is the stuff of legends. 4 cans.
15. My Week With Marilyn* (2012) – I couldn’t imagine the waif-like Michelle Williams as the voluptuous Marylyn Monroe, but she pulls it off neatly in this look at the vulnerable and insecure actress. Just married to author Arthur Miller, Marilyn goes in England to star with Sir Laurence Olivier (Kenneth Branaugh) in a trifle of a movie later named “The Prince and the Showgirl.” She totes along her acting coach and production guy, who attempt to give her confidence, encouragement and drugs to get her through the task at hand. But it is Colin Clark (Eddie Redmayne) a lowly “third” – a third assistant director who is nothing more than a gofer with a penchant for the movies – who becomes her ally and friend. You know she will break his heart as he comforts and supports her through her near-breakdown. Colin is a cute young innocent himself, albeit the scion of a wealthy and connected family, and he enjoys this very special time with Marilyn. You can feel the fallibility of the shooting star that was Marilyn, a character of sorts that she herself felt she had to play. 4 cans.
16. Catfish* (2011) – Professional photographer Nev Schulman is flattered when a young girl sends him a painting she created from one of his photographs in this documentary. He strikes up an on-line relationship with young Abby, her mother, Angela, and her older sister, Megan. But as this cautionary tale shows, your Facebook friends may not turn out to be friends – or actual people – at all. When Nev and Megan get serious on-line, his filmmaker partners (brother Rel and friend Henry) decide to record the first meeting between them. Nev is left to figure out exactly what happened to a once-promising relationship and why. So do we, and that’s what makes this movie worth watching. 3½ cans.
17. The Descendents (2011) – Since I saw this movie last year, I won’t review it again except to say that I enjoyed it more the second time around. George Clooney was nominated for an Oscar in a role that I personally think falls short of providing the challenges worthy of such an accolade, but he delivers a solid performance. This isn’t a great movie even though we might want it to be, but it is worth seeing for Clooney and the young actresses who play his daughters, both of whom are outstanding.
18. The Best of Everything (1959) – A girl needs a good, trashy B-movie once in a while, and this melodrama fits the bill. Watching it is like seeing the prequel to “Mad Men,” with its coterie of women slaving away as unappreciated office workers while the men in the adjacent offices attempt to prey on them. The office bitch is played by Joan Crawford, who, in a “Devil Wears Prada” moment, instructs her new assistant, a hopeful Hope Lange, to simultaneously review scripts for the publishing company, straighten out the files and get her coffee. Does Lange’s character, armed with a degree from Radcliffe, aspire to the lonely heights of Crawford’s position, or does she really want to settle down with her boyfriend? Meanwhile, Suzy Parker’s character wants to be an actress and is willing to do anything for a part; Diane Baker falls for the wrong guy (played by Robert Evans, before he became a mega-producer and studio mogul); and Stephen Boyd’s executive drinks too much and chases Hope Lange. Juicy stuff, in a relatively tame 1959 way. 3½ cans.
19. The Wedding Date (2005) – If your sister were getting married and your ex was the best man, wouldn’t you want to show up and dazzle him to make him regret dumping you? Debra Messing’s Kat Ellis hires male escort Nick (Dermot Mulrooney) to play her new boyfriend, and the handsome and buff hooker with a heart lives up to the role. The plot is so obvious you can see it coming through a blizzard, but this is still a pleasant comedy with good turns by Messing, Mulrooney and Amy Adams as the sister. Another chick flick, yes, but with more laughs than “The Best of Everything.” 3½ cans.
20. Hugo* (2012) – This is a pretty good season for young, waif-like characters who spend a lot of time on their own searching for keys and clues (see “Extremely Close and Incredibly Loud”). Director Martin Scorsese’s title character is an orphan living in the Paris train station, keeping the clocks running and trying to avoid the mean man who runs the toy counter (Ben Kingsley) and the local police officer (Sacha Baron Cohen, complete with a Snively Whiplash mustache). The plot ambles along so slowly that I dozed during the first half of the movie. The story only began to catch my interest and keep me awake when it turned out to be related to making movies. As much as Scorsese would like this to be his “Cinema Paradiso,” it doesn’t compare to that beautiful paean to movies. The boy is trying to put things together (an automaton, primarily) and understand some old drawings and images. He partners with the nasty old man’s god-daughter on his adventure, but the plot is difficult to follow and in no way entertaining for kids. Maybe if I had seen this movie in 3D I would have enjoyed it more. Or maybe if I could ever enjoy fantasy, I could have gotten more out of it. But I will give it high praise for the incredible camera work and special effects, and some of the visual imagery is stunning. But overall, I just couldn’t connect with the boy and his strange 1930s world. For that matter, if the story took place in Paris, why did everyone sound English? 3½ cans, all for the brilliant visual work.
21. Same Time, Next Year (1978) – I could watch this movie same time, any year. Even though I know it is about infidelity, the relationship between George (Alan Alda) and Doris (Ellen Burstyn) is just so warm and genuine. They meet at a seaside resort, where George is staying on business and Doris stops on her way to a religious retreat. They instantly bond, despite having spouses they love, and pledge to meet each year for more trysts. Their separate lives intersect through stories about their families and events they could not have anticipated. I find this movie moving, funny and heart-warming. 4 cans.

Sweet Memories

I heard the news today, oh boy.

Could it be true? Was the Gaston Avenue Bakery, the finest in Somerville, NJ, the place that bonded our family together with rich chocolate filling and yummy layer cakes, really be closing? Granted, it had gone way downhill in recent years, but still. Could it be closed?

I drove by today, and the sign said, “Sorry, we are closed.” Sorry, yes, I am truly sorry.

This partially my fault, since I stopped buying cakes there years ago (after my friend Chris told me they sold her a cake with mold in it and didn’t even apologize when she returned it). And now that I am on Weight Watchers, cakes and cookies are verboten. But it can’t be all my fault. I am only one person, and my family contributed more than our share to the profits of this once-thriving bakery.

The original owner was a tough-as-nails guy who ran that place with authority and aplomb, turning out chocolate seven-layer cakes (seven luscious layers) that were always my favorite. My sister preferred the hazelnut cakes with the chocolate shavings on top. We all loved the cookies (especially the ones we called “dumbbells” with the big globs of chocolate on each end of a cylindrical wafer), which we often bought to take as a sweet treat when going to visit friends or relatives. How I remember those ubiquitous square cardboard boxes and the thin string that closed them!

At one time, many years ago, there were two bakeries in Somerville. Hochstein’s probably had the better bread, but Gaston Avenue, well, that was the Mecca of cakes in town. Birthday coming? A trip to GAB was a prerequisite. Special occasion? Plan your stop at the bakery. Once my mother sent me to GAB the day before Thanksgiving to pick up a variety of goodies and I was on line there for over an hour. When I got home I accused her of not loving me anymore because if she did, I reasoned, she wouldn’t have made me torture myself for that long in line at a bakery.

My mother would stop there nearly every Saturday, bringing home the tasty treats that we relished – a little too much, perhaps, which probably explains why I have had a weight problem for years. For a while we lived dangerously close to GAB, almost in walking distance – though we never did – and we always passed it on our way home from the Jewish Community Center Swim Club. You’d run into everyone in town there eventually. Once, while working on my high school reunion, I literally bumped into the mother of a classmate and got the contact information for him that we were missing. So it was a place of gathering as well as a place of delectable delights.

The Cort Theater, where I spent countless hours honing my love for movies, is long gone, as are the Candy Kitchen and Pop’s, the corner hangout opposite the school where we’d stop for nickel candy. Gaston’s, the local department store, closed decades ago, and Somerset Trust Company has changed its name dozens of times since I had my first account there. Johnny’s Diner and Howard Johnson’s are distant memories. Wald Drugs remains open on Main Street, though I doubt you can buy 5 candies for 25 cents (and they’d throw in a 6th for free) on the way to the movies, where tickets cost first 25 cents, and later 35 or 50 cents.

Even my elementary school, a holdover built in the late 1800s, was razed a few years ago, and my high school, the original Somerville High, is now the Middle School, with the “new” high school replacing it way back in the 1970s.

As we get older, our memories are increasingly filled with the sights, sounds and smells of days gone by. I used to think that just entering the door of the Gaston Avenue Bakery made me gain five pounds, so sumptuous were the smells. Though I understand that time passes and things change, I will always retain the sweetest memories of my favorite place in town and my years of growing up in Somerville. Somehow, ordering a cake at ShopRite will just never be the same as a delightful delicacy from GAB.

I always said that if I was told I had six months to live, I would immediately head over to the Gaston Avenue Bakery and depart this world with icing on my lips. I guess I’ll have to rethink that plan now.

RIP, Gaston Avenue Bakery. You will be missed.

Tina's January 2012 Movies

All films rated on a scale of 1 (not so good) to 5 (really great) tuna cans. Movies marked with an * are those that I have not seen previously.

1. Singing in the Rain* (1952) – “What a glorious feeling, I’m happy again.” I must confess that I had never seen this classic Gene Kelly musical, and that I enjoyed it more than I expected. Teamed with Donald O’Connor and Debbie Reynolds, Kelly is full in charge, playing a silent movie star who transitions into talkies in the 1920s. The story is a loose structure for a pastiche of song and dance numbers where Kelly’s prodigious athleticism as a dancer is on full display. I actually got chills when watching Kelly and his umbrella in the iconic title song. Some people are Fred Astaire fans, others Kelly devotees. I just say, “Gotta dance!” 4 cans.

2. The Special Relationship* (2010) – This HBO movie explores the relationship between Britain’s Tony Blair (Tony Sheen) and U.S. President Bill Clinton (Dennis Quaid). Blair was the neophyte Labor Party leader when he met Clinton, just before Clinton’s reelection and Blair’s selection as Prime Minister in the mid -990s. The two strike up a friendship based on mutual admiration and political convenience, Clinton serving as the older brother, doling out practical advice as Blair moves into 10 Downing Street. However, with the Monica Lewinsky scandal tainting Clinton’s reputation and support, Blair grows wary of his friend. When it comes time to act decisively in the Kosovo conflict, it is Blair who takes the lead. Both actors lend credibility to their parts, though Quaid’s Clinton is played like a buffoon at times when he isn’t portrayed as the political shark he was. 3 cans.

3. The Music Man (1962) – There’s trouble in River City all right, but it is in the form of Professor Harold Hill, a con man who arrives in Iowa to fleece the locals into buying band instruments and uniforms before he skips town. Composer Meredith Wilson took seven years to write the score of this musical, which features a tour de force performance by Robert Preston as the “professor” and a boatload of songs and dances. Shirley Jones is Marian the librarian, and a mop-topped Ronny Howard lisps his way through his performance as her kid brother. If you like old-time musicals, you’ll find this one highly entertaining. 3½ cans.

4. Mr. Mom (1983) – Michael Keaton is perfectly cast in this broad comedy as Jack Butler, an auto engineer laid off from his job and forced to become Mr. Mom at home while his wife (Teri Garr) takes a job in advertising. Remarkably inept around the house, Jack copes with the exploding washer and battles the scary vacuum “Jaws” as he cares for his three young kids and his wife handles success at work. Whether Jack is playing poker with the ladies in the neighborhood (using coupons as chips in a hilarious scene) or turning the wrong way when entering the school driveway, it is clear that caring for a home and family is a tough job for anyone. After nearly 30 years, I still find this little comedy quite amusing. 3½ cans.

5. Big (1988) – Tom Hanks gives an amazing performance as Josh Baskin, a 13-year old who suddenly finds his wish to be “big” granted in a way he never imagined. He wakes up the next morning as a full-grown man, awkward and clumsy in his new and strange body. With the help of his best friend Billy (Jared Rushton), he moves into New York City to find the carnival machine that granted his wish and restore his 13-year old self, but first he takes a job at a toy company to give him needed financial support. Who’s better to think of and try out new toys than a kid? Josh succeeds at business without really trying, and, in the process, wins the heart of an aggressive co-worker played by Elizabeth Perkins. The memorable scene in this movie has Hanks and Robert Loggia performing “Heart and Soul” on a giant, dance-on piano at FAO Schwartz, but there are so many little touches, glimpses and body language that Hanks makes believable as a big kid. This is a sweet and charming movie. 4 cans.

6. The Artist* (2011) – Let me start by saying that this movie is not about the Artist Formerly Known As Prince. Instead, this is a silent movie about silent movies. Wouldn't you love to have been there to hear the pitch when the producers tried to get financing for such an off-the-wall idea? Except -- It works! A cross between "A Star Is Born" and the movie I saw first this year, "Singing In the Rain," "The Artist" focuses on fictional silent screen star George Valentin (Oscar nominee Jean Dujardin) in 1927, just as talking pictures hit the theaters. A swashbuckling silent hero, George is not ready for the talkies and eventually he is dropped by his studio. In the meantime, he has met a young dancer, Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), whose star ascends as his declines. Eventually, he is left only with his loyal butler, Clifton, whom he fires because he cannot afford to pay him, and his precious little dog. The dog should win an Oscar for his performance, and I suspect the Academy will find many people associated with this production to honor. I didn't miss the dialog, didn't mind reading the cards on the screen and couldn't help admiring how the whole movie looked, felt and sounded, with great music punctuating the action. I wouldn't want to see a silent movie every time I go to the theater, but I'm almost speechless when describing this one. 4½ cans, including a full case of Alpo for the canine co-star.

7. Forrest Gump (1994) – Tom Hanks won an Oscar for his role as another wide-eyed innocent in this fantasy about a simple man in a not-so-simple life. Even I could suspend my sense of reality to enjoy this tale about a boy with leg braces who grows into a man who can run. Forrest becomes a football star, a college graduate, a war hero, an internationally-renowned ping pong player and the owner of a successful shrimp company. But none of his success – which he doesn’t seek – matters as much to him as the girl he loves, Jenny (Robyn Wright). This moving film won the Oscar and it was well-deserved. 4½ cans and a box of chocolates.

8. Back Street* (1941) – I love the later Susan Hayward-John Gavin version of this romantic movie, sappy as it is, but I had never seen this original version. The story, which takes place at the turn of the century (that’s 1900), is a simple one. Man and woman meet, fall in love, and though he is bound to another, their relationship passes the test of time. Like “An Affair to Remember,” there is a major “what if?” moment in this movie that changes its course. I have to admit that I am not a Charles Boyer fan, though Margaret Sullivan did a good job in her role. Judging by the very modest attire she wore, this looks like the most chaste romance in movie history. I much prefer the later version, and even though John Gavin may be one of the worst actors this side of Troy Donahue, he is a feast for the eyes compared to the boring Boyer. 3 cans.

9. Iron Lady* (2012) – The magnificent Meryl Streep portrays British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in this biopic about the daughter of a grocer who becomes one of the most powerful women in the world. Unfortunately, the movie isn’t equal to the talents of Streep. It is filled with flashbacks that show her ascension to power and her resolve, but too many scenes merely show her as the only pair of pumps in a room full of wingtips. Aside from being convinced that she was always making the right decision, Thatcher and her greatness is missing. As avowed a Meryl Streep fan as my sister is, even she had to concede that the movie was boring despite the fact she swears, “I’d listen to Meryl read the phone book.” This movie wasn’t quite like the phone book, but my sister posed this question: “Would you go and see a movie about Margaret Thatcher if Meryl Streep wasn’t in it?” Clearly, not this one. 5 cans for Meryl and her make-up and hair people, 3½ for the movie itself.

10. Only the Strong Survive* (2002) – If you like good music, that sweet soul music, you will like this documentary about the soul sounds of the 60s and 70s. Filmmakers AJ Pennemaker and Chris Hegedus focus on the recording legends of that era, most of whom have stories of hardship that add grit to their talented pipes. From the Memphis sounds of Stax records to Detroit’s legendary Motown to Chicago came Rufus Thomas and his daughter Carla, Sam Moore of Sam & Dave (the original “Soul Man” singers), Isaac (“Shaft”) Hayes, Wicked Wilson Pickett, the Chilites and ex-Supreme Mary Wilson. All are still performing their hits, enjoying their lives and showcasing their talent, and all are shown in concert in this documentary. A little more background would have been good, but the filmmakers deliver plenty of the performers’ personalities. Clearly, only the strong survive. 3½ cans.

11. The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984) – Charlie and his cousin Paulie (Mickey Rourke, at his best, and Eric Roberts) have their dreams as they live their lives in New York. Charlie wants to own a restaurant. Paulie just wants to be a big shot with plenty of dough in his pocket. To get there, Paulie suggests teaming up with a safecracker (Kenneth McMullan) to make a big score. They don’t expect a crooked cop to show up in the middle of the heist, and then things get really complicated. Roberts is twitchy and annoying, yet somehow endearing even to his cousin, despite his ineptitude as a thief and wise guy. Charlie is smarter, yet not smart enough to avoid Paulie’s get rich quick scheme. With opening music by Sinatra (“Summer Wind”) and a real feel of New York, this drama paints a vivid picture of the lives of these cousins. I love Mickey Rourke in this movie, and even Darryl Hannah as his decidedly non-Italian, waspy girlfriend does a credible job. He’s very cool, nattily attired and just short of truly dangerous. 4 cans.

12. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close* (2012) – I thought this movie was going to be about my basketball seats at the Rutgers Athletic Center and their proximity to the pep band, but no, it was actually about the devastating aftermath of 9/11. Oscar (Thomas Horn) is a gangly, quirky kid, a bit OCD and very smart, whose special relationship with his father (Tom Hanks) revolves around intellectual games they play. A year following his father’s death during 9/11, Oscar finds a box of his belongings and a key in a small envelope labeled “Black.” Thinking the key must fit a lock that contains more information about his father, Oscar sets out to meet all of the people in New York named Black to see if they knew his father. Oscar is desperate to maintain any kind of tie to his late father, and along the way, he unlocks more than what a simple key can do. Sandra Bullock is his mother in a relatively small role and Max Von Sydow plays “The Renter,” an old man who cannot speak but agrees to accompany Oscar on his journey. I didn’t know what to expect here, but I found a special movie that I highly recommend. 4½ cans.

13. 50-50* (2011) – Finding out you have cancer is a jolt, and Adam Lerner (Joseph Gordon Levitt) has to face it with an overbearing mother (Angelica Huston in a role similar to the one Shirley Maclaine had in “Terms of Endearment”), a good-intentioned but crazy best friend (Seth Rogen) and a girlfriend (Bryce Dallas Howard) who can’t provide him with the support and love he needs. To make matters worse, his cancer is a rare form that gives him only 50-50 odds of survival. A therapist might help, except the one he is assigned (Anna Kendrick ) takes him on as her third-ever patient. The odds seem against him, but this very controlled and emotionless young man faces it the best he can, making friends at his chemo sessions and going out with his buddy to pick up girls. There is touching humor in what otherwise might be overwhelming sadness here, and Seth Rogen is in charge of most of it. I know first hand the shock of getting a diagnosis of cancer (don’t worry, I’m fine now), so I sympathized with Adam’s plight. Levitt, whom I loved in “500 Days of Summer,” is excellent as the young man fighting the odds. 4 cans.

Completely Random

I don't have a specific topic on my mind as we start the new year, so here are just a few of my random thoughts.

Don’t tell me you have a quick question. Really? I don’t believe you. No question is ever quick – or at least the answer generally is not. So just tell me you have a question, and don’t place a time expectation on how long the discussion generated by this question may be. A real quick question is something like, “What time is it?’ Everything else takes longer.

When did solar panels start appearing on street lights? Does this mean that on rainy, cloudy and miserable days the streets will be dark at night?

Don’t you think that Cathy Rigby must be sick of playing Peter Pan by now? Has she done anything else since the Olympics about 40 years ago?

You know you have been friends for a long time when you and your BFF no longer exchange birthday or Christmas gifts and she instead asks you to give her your old newspapers to use in her wood stove.

Skype adds about 10 years to your age. Just look at the image of yourself that you are sending out. Consider yourself warned.

Kids today (and by that, I mean teenagers through 29) cannot walk down the street without gazing at whatever device they have in their hands. I predict more pedestrians being struck by cars in the future since they have earphones in, can’t hear you and don’t look up to cross the street.

I have an obsession with those perfume strips that come in magazines and sale brochures from department stores. I save them and put them in my garbage cans. I just can’t seem to throw them out and have now accumulated so many that they will appear as an item in my will.

I also have another obsession with those postcards and ads that come in magazines. I cannot read a magazine without ripping them out first. It takes all the willpower I can muster not to do it to the magazines in the doctor’s office. Have you seen the stuff they sell on the cards that come in the TV Guide? Who buys this crap anyway?

I believe there is some kind of sock conspiracy happening in my house. I put two socks in the wash and only one ends up dried. Where do they go? Have they banded together prior to submersion to plot an escape? I am imagining one member of the pair urging the other: “Save yourself!” I guess I should buy multiple pairs of the same socks, so if two get lost, the other two can be mated. Am I spending too much time thinking about this subject? Should I get a life?

In order to remember to take something with me when I leave the house, I have to put in front of the door so I would have to trip over it to get out of the house. Tell me I’m not alone in this.

I don’t want to hear anything about the wind chill factor. Let’s face it, if the weathermen are talking about the WCF, it’s COLD out there. What’s the difference if it is 17 degrees with a WCF that makes it feel like 10? It’s still cold.

Did you ever notice that there are so many beautiful babies and cute kids but not nearly so many good-looking adults? What happens? Does cuteness just disappear as we get older and grow big noses and pot bellies? If only people could be adorable for life.

If your kid behaved like the cast of “Jersey Shore” and didn’t get paid for being on a reality TV show, wouldn’t you be appalled at his/her behavior? I wonder if the parents of the Jersey Shore cast think it is great that their kids have good-paying jobs but are secretly ashamed. Or proud.

If you could change one thing about yourself and have one superpower, what would it be? I’d be much taller and able to fly.

I can no longer imagine life without a DVR (I have two). I want to be able to DVR (if I can make a verb out of the noun) my way through life, skipping the boring parts and seeing only the things that interest me. Sometimes I record a program just so I can start watching it 20 minutes in and skip the commercials. I’ll still see the show in the allotted time period, but without having to sit through all the garbage.

As I drive in my car, belting out the soundtrack of my youth, I wonder: Will my nephew be singing the rap songs at 60 that he listened to at 16? What is the new Motown for this generation?

I wonder when man decided to try eating bananas, and how many times the skins were consumed before someone decided just to eat the insides.

The two minutes it takes me to use the electric toothbrush is the longest two minutes of the day – except, perhaps, for waiting for a particular traffic light to change.

If you added up all the Macy’s 1-Day Sales for the year (including the pre-sale preview day), it would probably cover 40% of the year.

Is there ever a day without a sale at Kohl’s?

Why is it that I have trouble sleeping in my big, comfy “Heavenly Bed,” yet put me in a movie theater in the middle of the afternoon and I have to fight to keep my eyes open? This habit is particularly vexing when I go to see a movie with subtitles – or worse, a silent movie. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen often.

Confession: I have never eaten a Clementine. But I plan to try one soon, I swear.

I recently went to a walking class after my Weight Watchers weigh-in. Not that I don’t know how to walk, of course, but following the perpetually upbeat Leslie Sansone on a DVD with a bunch of women for a half an hour seemed like a good idea. In fact, I left the class and went to Costco, where I was so motivated that I bought one of her DVDs. I guess I’ll have to open it and put it in the DVD player to get the full benefit. I plan to do that right after I try a Clementine.

The best part of the NFL playoffs is that now that Denver has lost, perhaps ESPN will stop devoting most of SportsCenter to the exploits of the now-legendary Tim Tebow.