June Is Busting Out All Over

Just so you know, all socks that are advertised as “no show” do, in fact show – unless you get the kind that are like the old peds and they will undoubtedly slip off your heel and bunch under your arch. I have not found a solution for this dilemma.

I love reading and writing, but I’ll skip arithmaticking unless it is absolutely necessary.

Lifechanging hack: Take the butter out of the fridge in advance to soften it. My toast holds together now!
Ever since Tina Turner strutted down the street looking like the definition of cool in her “What’s Love Got to Do With It” video, wearing that short black dress and a denim jacket, I have felt that denim is acceptable for any occasion.

Every time I buy a seedless watermelon I wonder how we will have watermelons in the future if there are no seeds.

Why do we sneeze? And why do I sneeze twice every morning? The other day I couldn’t stop myself and sneezed with a mouthful of toothpaste, spewing it all over the sink and faucet. That was a first!

I’d like to pay homage to songwriters, the people who come up with a concept, create the music and write the words that so many of us feel in our souls. Imagine creating something so meaningful to so many people. Imagine hearing your song played on the radio and everywhere and bringing such joy or understanding to people. What a feat!

We can consider popcorn as a vegetable, right? I mean, there IS corn…

I miss the Good Humor man. You could hear those bells from a block away, and you would run home to beg for a quarter to get an ice cream bar. Mr. Softee was good too, but more of the adults seemed to prefer the soft serve. All I know is that I never moved so fast as when I heard the jingle for the ice cream man.

When I was a kid, my mother would send me to the mailbox to mail something for her. I would carefully open the top of the box and put my letter into it, and then close it and open it once more to make sure it slid down into the box. Now many of the mailboxes have just a narrow slit so I can’t see into the box, so no need to double check anymore. And our town was so small that my mother didn’t bother putting the name “Somerville” on the envelope. Just marking it as “Boro” was enough. Clearly, this was before the start of zip codes!

Yesterday was Flag Day and it occurred to me that I am so old that I remember when the U.S. Flag only had 48 stars. Alaska and Hawaii didn’t become states until 1959. I was 9 years old and I truly do remember that!

The last time I bought bed pillows I thought I was so clever. I bought one for a side sleeper and one for a back sleeper since I sleep both ways. I didn’t factor in the part about the pillow tickings and pillowcases preventing me from identifying which was which (I can’t tell by feel). PS – How many people still use pillow tickings or know what pillow tickings are? 

I get most of my exercise getting out of my car, walking around it to see how badly I have parked, and then getting back into the car to repark it. 

The one thing I can count on in this world is the turkey club sandwich. Turkey, bacon, lettuce and tomato on white toast, mayo on the side. It is predictable and satisfying every time. I don’t think I have ever had a bad one.

If Jane Seymour needs anyone to model crepey arms for her Crepe Erase treatment, she should give me a call. My arms are made for this!

I called the doctor’s office, which is supposed to be open until 5, at 3 the other day and the answering service picked up. I asked if the office had closed for the day and the person said she didn’t know. Doesn’t that job require answering the phone AND having answers? Otherwise, I could do it. Then I looked up another doctor whose website said the office was open until 3:45 AM. Not an urgent care – a doctor’s office, open until 3:45 AM? Huh?

The two words you most want to see when you are ordering something online are FREE SHIPPING. 

I can tell how long it has been since I last saw my sister by counting the number of People magazines that have piled up. I subscribe, read them and then pass the issues along to her. When she is done, she shares them with the people in her office. When she retires, there will be a lot of people missing People.

When I get injections in my left eye for my wet macular degeneration, I have to get a ride because I can’t drive home with just my right eye working. Recently, my doctor told me I should look into using the Somerset County bus that drops people off for a variety of reasons. “You mean the Senior Citizens’ Bus?” I asked him with righteous indignation. I still have friends willing and able to drive me, I said, and I had not reached that level of neediness (YET). He said his father, who lives in my active adult community, had the same reaction to his suggestion. I think that next time I’ll call his parents and ask them for a ride!

There used to be an unwritten rule that my friends and I would not contact each other until at least 9 AM in case someone was sleeping. Ah, the good old days, when some of us actually slept! I generally keep my phone off all night and turn it on around 7:30. There is likely to be a pile of messages by then, some relating to sports I should be watching or movies/TV shows that are recommended. I love when my friends who know me well assume I am watching the Yankee game that they are watching or a great tennis match – because that is probably the case!  

I wanted to watch the finals of the French Open, won by young Carlos Alcaraz, but I had to leave the house, so I found the radio broadcast in the car and tried that instead. The commentators were strictly broadcasting for TV. They seldom provided either the score of the match or the name of the player who they declared had just made a great shot. I could almost identify the players by the familiar sound of their grunts, but I couldn’t tell from the commentary who hit the ball into the net. Maybe tennis is not meant for radio, but I would bet that the late, great Vin Scully could have done the broadcast superbly!

I recently went to the hospital for some minor surgery. I had to be there at the ungodly hour of 5:20 AM so I could answer the same questions over and over again. They asked me my date of birth so often that I’m pretty sure they are planning a big birthday party for me! I’ll make sure you get an invite!

Every book we consider for Book Club seems to tout itself as a “page turner.” My hairdresser and I often swap book recommendations, and the one she suggested recently she described as one that “you can’t put down.” I hope so, because the book I just finished reading I had trouble picking up because I found it so slow and dull. I could use a good “page turner.” That’s the thing about book clubs: I am definitely reading more books and finding ones I really like, but there are a few clunkers in there that I suffer through like a school assignment. I guess they can’t all be winners!

On this Father’s Day weekend, I am, of course, thinking about my father. He passed away from liver cancer in 1983, just days after his 71st birthday, and he was buried on Father’s Day. That makes Father’s Day one of the two days I hate the most each year. You guessed it – Mother’s Day is the other one. Lester Irving Gordon was a good man, full of kindness and empathy and with a good word to say about everyone. He would come home after a long day of selling shoes and smell like leather. I like to think of fun times, like when we went to Lake Hopatcong and he and his best friend grilled hotdogs for us in the pouring rain (we were in the car with friends to stay dry). But then Father’s Day comes along to remind me that he is no longer more than a sweet memory. Take a bow in Heaven, Lester Gordon. You were one of the good ones!

May 2024 Movies & More

It was a major movie month for me, with 18 movies, series, etc. on the docket. Numbering picks up from previous months. Asterisks indicate programs I had not previously seen, and everything is rated on a scale of 1-5 tuna fish cans. 

51. Rather* (2024, Netflix) – Newsman Dan Rather has been a fixture on TV since he covered devastating floods in his native Texas in the 1960s. He became the go-to guy at CBS news when Walter Cronkite, the Dean of TV journalists, ran his live reports from Dallas as President Kennedy was shot and killed in 1963. From then on, he covered practically every major news story in America, first as a correspondent, then on 60 Minutes and finally as Cronkite’s successor as anchor of the CBS Evening News. Watching this documentary reminded me of all of these memorable moments in time that I personally will never forget. Dan was a relentless reporter, a solid anchor, and now, in retirement, a wise observer of our culture and government. 4 cans.
52. The Idea of You* (2024, Prime Video) – Anne Hathaway has graduated to the “older woman” parts now – if 40 can be considered older. In this movie, it can, especially when she begins dating a 24-year-old boy band star, Hayes (Nicholas Galitzine), much to the chagrin of her 16-year-old daughter and prickly ex-husband. They meet cute, he is interested, she is cautious – until she isn’t – and with her daughter away at summer camp, this art dealer forsakes her adult life and jets to Europe to be with her new boyfriend while he and the band are touring. He is immensely well-known and popular and the paparazzi unmercifully stalk him, so their secret dating life is bound to get out. Will people care? Should they care?  Will YOU care? The movie is cute enough (and so is the male lead!) and Hathaway is good enough to hold the viewer’s interest. 3½ cans.
53. Selling the OC, Season 3* (2024, Netflix) – More beautiful real estate agents! More beautiful, spectacular homes! More high heels! And more infighting here on season 3 of the “reality” series about selling high-end real estate in Orange County, California. This time it’s not just the women of the office who are frenemies; the men get into it, too. The glamour looks and the incredible views from every terrace and every infinity pool start to blend together after a while. This kind of programming is my guilty pleasure, and unlike “Dateline,” at least no one dies. Or not yet, at least. 3½ cans.
54. Unfrosted* (Netflix, 2024) – No one needed to see this silly, superfluous movie about the advent of the Pop Tart. Will Kellogg be the king of cereal or will Post claim the throne? Such suspense! If you or I went to a meeting with a Hollywood studio pitching the idea of a lighthearted movie about a snack food/breakfast food, we would be promptly dismissed, but this movie was created by comedian Jerry Seinfeld so somebody gave it the green light. It is very well cast with some cameos so quick that you really have to watch carefully (Daniel Levy has the briefest of moments as Andy Warhol). Overall, the movie is clever but as light and nebulous as a cloud. Maybe my view is skewed by the fact that I have never eaten a Pop Tart in my life. I’ve never seen a movie like this one, either. I can live out my days without a sequel or a Pop Tart. 2 cans.
55. The Queen Mary: Greatest Ocean Liner* (2016, PBS Documentaries) – When the Queen Mary was commissioned as the world’s most luxurious ship, no one could have predicted it would end up transporting soldiers to fight WWII in Europe or help Jews escape from the Nazis. This documentary tells both sides of the story: A ship with imported wood, lavish design, outstanding food, and a ship going back and forth in the water to avoid being hit by air strikes. It made its last voyage from Great Britain in 1967, and then headed for Long Beach, California, where it was designated as a building instead of a ship. Now it is operated as a hotel that has been visited by more than 50 million people. 3 cans.
56. By Royal Appointment: Shops that Serve the Queen* (2019, Prime Video) – You’re unlikely to run into a member of the Royal Family at the London Target (if they have one). Only the best of the best stores in Great Britain are designated with the “Royal Warrant,” meaning that the store provides goods and services to the Royal Family. A special purse for the now-late Queen? A last-minute need for gloves? Done. It seems only Diana wanted to hang around Harrod’s all day, because most of the shops brought the merchandise to the Palace for more private shopping. OK, I’m done with my British Invasion for now. 3 cans.
57. The Miracle Club* (2023, Netflix) – I had high hopes for this one! Kathy Bates, Laura Linney, Dame Maggie Smith – a stellar cast -- but even these notable names could not make this boring little movie at all interesting. The plot is about the ladies taking a trip to Lourdes for a variety of reasons relating to healing. Linney had married Smith’s son and then fled to the US from England, becoming estranged from her mother, a dear friend to this group. Each lady has a reason to heal and each leaves behind a family that needs them (just a little too much). These actresses deserved a better story line. Lourdes here is on life support. 2 cans
58. Full Court Press* (2024, ESPN) – NCAA Basketball stars Caitlin Clark from the University of Iowa, Kamilla Cardoso of the University of South Carolina and Kiki Rice, sophomore guard from UCLA, are featured in this inside look at their respective college careers and future prospects. This 4-part documentary series focuses largely on Clark, one of the executive producers, but gives plenty of airtime for Cardoso, a 6’7” player who left her native Brazil as a teenager to come to the US to make a better life for her family. Rice, who has plenty of political and social connections, having played hoops with President Obama, is the niece of Susan Rice, a former advisor to President Obama. Kiki’s goal is to bring a first-time National Championship to UCLA. Clark’s last season was occupied with rewriting almost every scoring record in women’s and men’s collegiate basketball. We get to see the players deal with winning and losing, from frustrations and triumphs. Their respective coaches (Lisa Bluder at Iowa, Dawn Staley at South Carolina and Cori Close at UCLA) dole out praise and admonishments as needed. Clark in particular faced an enormous amount of pressure, playing before sellout crowds packed with young girls clamoring for her picture and autograph and whom she did not want to disappoint as she toppled record after record. You have to be a basketball fan to appreciate the intensity for all three players, but this series definitely packs a punch. 4 cans.
59. Bronx Zoo ‘90* (2024, Peacock) – I have been a Yankee fan since 1959 and I thought I knew pretty much everything about my team, from good times to bad. But this three-part documentary, based on sportswriter Joel Sherman’s book, was a revelation, uncovering the godawful 1990 team while also flashing back to the championships of the 1970s and previewing the Core Four and the Yankee Dynasty of the early 2000s. Here we have Deon Sanders deciding between baseball and football and bringing his Prime Time aura to the team. There’s manager Bucky Dent, oft-absent pitcher Pasqual Perez, contract issues with Donnie Baseball, a nasty feud between the Boss (owner George Steinbrenner) and outfielder Dave Winfield, and extortion of the Boss by Howie Spira, a losing gambler. There’s outfielder Mel Hall, who went to a high school girl’s prom because he was dating the 16-year-old (don’t get me started on her parents, either). And there’s the late-season phenom Kevin Maas hitting homeruns to help fans enjoy the team again. Everyone you remember and a few you don’t are along for this bumpy ride, and it is worth taking. 4 cans.
60. Fastball* (2015, Peacock) – Kevin Kostner narrates this in-depth documentary on baseball’s best-known pitch, the fastball. Who was the hardest thrower ever? Sandy Koufax, Nolan Ryan, Walter Johnson? Bob Feller? And factor in who was fearless on the mound and you have to include Bob Gibson, who says if he wanted to hit a batter, he would not miss. The interviews with Hank Aaron, Ryan, Johnny Bench, George Brett (who jumped out of the Royals’ dugout on that pine tar call), Derek Jeter and more are terrific. It is hard to measure the speed of a fastball, though many have tried, but the effect is unmistakable. If you are a baseball junkie, this one’s for you. 3½ cans.
61. Back to Black* (2024, Manville Cinema) – The short and mercurial career of Amy Winehouse is captured in this biopic of the British singer. Marisa Abela embodies the headstrong Winehouse, who is hooked on jazz music, booze and the love of her life, Blake (Jack O’Connell), who introduces her to the music of girls groups and the magic of hard drugs. Soon, her tattoos proliferate, her eyeliner grows thicker, her beehive hairdo taller and Amy herself diminishes in size from bulimia and drug use. It is well known that she died at age 27, but in her brief career she shared music from her heart, most notably in her album “Back to Black,” chronicling her fight to stay out of rehab. Abela, who sings most of the songs, was mesmerizing as angry yet loving Amy, living her life through her music. 4 cans.
62. The Asbestos City* (2024, Manville Cinema) – The town next door to where I live, Manville, New Jersey, is a blue-collar place best known for suffering through devastating floods and severe health issues from working at the company that employed many of its citizens, asbestos maker Johns Manville. I’m not sure which is worse. While Johns Manville is long gone, the health effects of working in their facilities have led to dire consequences for its employees and their families with asbestosis and mesothelioma, conditions that linger today. And with all of the construction of nearby houses and buildings, hurricanes like Ida and others have led to legendary flooding, turning the town into an inaccessible island. The surrounding towns have received government assistance with the installation of flood gates, which have saved nearby towns like Bound Brook but which cause the flooding in Manville to be worse. The people in the town were left to rescue each other, to provide food, water and shelter, to evacuate citizens and even their pets when houses flooded and then blew up from gas leaks that the firefighters could not reach to help. People cannot sell their houses in the most damaged section of town, Lost Valley, because the government and the Army Corps of Engineers determined that Manville isn’t eligible for assistance. This isn’t a happy movie, but it provides an earnest look at how things got so bad and how the neighbors responded. I read about it online and caught a special screening at the Manville Cinema, hosted by producer Joe DeVito III. I give the community credit for staying connected and involved, even when the circumstances seem hopeless. 4 cans.
63. One Life* (2024, Montgomery Cinema) – This moving film is based on the story of Nicholas Winton, a British man who made it his mission to evacuate Jewish children from Czechoslovakia to England as the Nazis prepared to invade Prague in 1939. Anthony Hopkins is superb as the older Winton, whose scrap book with pictures of the refugees he assisted still haunts him. 4 cans.
64. The Fall Guy* (2024, Manville Cinema) – Ryan Gosling, tongue still firmly planted in cheek, moves on from his portrayal of Ken in last year’s “Barbie” movie to take on the role of movie stuntman Colt Seavers in this explosive action/comedy/romance. The seemingly indestructible stuntman has a serious accident and disappears for a while, until movie producer Gail (Ted Lasso’s Hannah Waddington) persuades him to jump back into the fray in a movie being directed by Jody, his girl crush, played by Emily Blunt. But Gail actually has a more sinister reason. All of this far-fetched plot leads to Ryan being beat up in a car, a truck, a boat and a high-end apartment – and I might have left out a few. The action is nonstop, and Gosling plays it to the hilt. There is plenty of humor here, cultural references, and even a cameo from another era. Gosling and Blunt are very appealing and have an amusing rapport. I’m not an action movie fan, but I fell for this one. 4 cans.
65. Stax: Soulsville USA* (2024, HBO and Max) – You know all about Motown and Muscle Shoals, right? But did you know that Stax, the relatively small Memphis studio cranked out stars like Otis Redding, Issac Hayes, Sam & Dave, Rufus and Carla Thomas, was a huge influence on the growth of soul music in the 1960s? This 4-part documentary traces the start of the studio by musician-producer Jim Stewart and its growing stable of stars and hits. There’s plenty of music here, and the story is told amidst the racial tension of that time, the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King at the motel where the Stax musicians hung out and the tragic death of Otis Redding in a plane crash at age 27. Great music and memories! 4 cans.
66. Hacks, Season 3* (2024, Max) – The only problem with loving series like this comedy is that its 9 episodes only last about a month and then I have to wait about a year to see Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder hit the screen again. Smart smartly plays Debra Vance, a legendary comic who is always looking for her next gig, in between pushing merchandise on QVC and arguing with her younger writer, Ava. Debra is a tough boss, a haughty and self-centered semi-diva, with no time or patience for the next generation – until she lets down her hair (and holds on to her wig) to fraternize at a frat party. Her mission this season is to land the host gig on a big late night show, and Ava, who she let go last year, agrees to partner up with her again. The witty dialog and the way in which Smart delivers her lines make this show sparkle. Please don’t make me wait so long again! 4 cans.
67. In Restless Dreams: The Music of Paul Simon* (2023, Prime Video) – I was always a big Simon & Garfunkel fan. The soundtrack of my all-time favorite movie, The Graduate, contains some of their classics, like “Sounds of Silence” and “Mrs. Robinson.” I already knew that Paul Simon was the creative force here, writing all of their songs with Art Garfunkel contributing his glorious voice to the harmonies. This two-part documentary focuses on how they met as school kids, broke through with their first hit, ultimately broke up when Garfunkel decided to pursue a career in acting, and then reunited for that classic Concert in Central Park. Their reunion didn’t last long. Meanwhile, Simon kept writing songs, experimenting with the music of South Africa, and with more meditative music and he continues to create to this day. I thought the second part dragged a bit, and watching Simon create his new music was a bit painful since his hearing and his voice have declined. Still, the music is classic and produced musical moments that still bring tears to my eyes (“Old Friends/Bookends” and “Bridge Over Troubled Waters”). 3½ cans.
68. The Blue Angels* (2024, Prime Video) – This documentary is an exhilarating look at the precision flying of the elite aviators of the Marines and Navy, the Blue Angels. The men and women pilots, the ground crew, communications officers, safety personnel and everyone associated with this special group are highly trained and extremely motivated. Some of their dazzling formations require that the jets fly as close as 12 inches from each other. The fantastic video of this film will almost make you feel like you are part of the action. For something completely different, give this one a fly! 4 cans.

May or May Not

Even if no one else is thinking about me today, at least I know that the folks at Swimsuits for All miss me very much. They emailed me to let me know. You don't think they are trying to get me to buy something, do you?

They really like me at CVS. They are always asking me for my date of birth. I think they are planning a big birthday party for me!

My Lifetime Health Club offers complimentary coffee and conversation every Wednesday morning. I don’t drink coffee, but maybe I’ll just go for the complimentary conversation to see if anyone says anything complimentary about me.

Red Lobster just announced that is closing its doors. I guess that "endless shrimp" isn't quite so endless now.

It's official. I have lost my mind and can no longer be trusted with important household decisions, like buying the Select-a-Size paper towels. Somehow, I bought the full-sheet size. My punishment for this transgression is that I will have to cut or rip the sheets so I don’t waste the full sheet on something that deserves no more than a half of a small sheet. I cannot be trusted!

Did you know that Barry Manilow did NOT write his classic, “I Write the Songs?” It was written by Bruce Johnston of the Beach Boys. Ironic, no?

I’m still trying to figure out how I went to the Dollar Store for a strainer and walked out $25 later. It must have been the baking soda. And hat’s off to baking soda. You not only can use it in baking, but surely you have a box in your fridge to neutralize odors (or you should!). You can use it to unclog the sink, clean fruit, relieve a diaper rash, clean your oven and wash your clothes. And if you go to the Dollar Store, you can buy name brand Arm & Hammer for $1.25. BS is the MVP (Most Valuable Product)!

Confession: Summer started in April this year, the day I bought ice cream. I broke my own rule about not eating ice cream from Labor Day to Memorial Day. Please don’t turn me in if there is, in fact, a tribunal that regulates these things. I’m still solid on no soup in the summer, however.

My printer makes these random noises that sound like it is about to print something, even if I haven’t sent anything to the printer. I guess it wants me to know that it is ready when I am.

I had to pick up a prescription at CVS that was so expensive that even the person ringing me up asked, “Are you aware of the cost of this prescription?” I am aware and had checked previously with the insurance company to make sure the charge was correct. Sadly, it was.

I went to my doctor for my annual physical and I don’t know which one of us had more questions. She wanted to know what vaccines I had gotten, when my other doctors’ appointments took place, and she recommended going to a podiatrist to look at a nasty blister on my toe. I let her know about some recent medical issues that she needed to follow and I told her that my orthopedist thinks I need a knee replacement. I have something in my armpit scheduled to be removed, I can’t get rid of this congestion, especially in the morning, and my hair is thinning. I swear, when I was done, I could picture Roseanne Rosanadada talking about Mr. Richard Feder from Ft. Lee, NJ! Yet the doctor said I was doing great. She didn’t even tell me to lose weight. Are you looking at the right chart? You know it’s me, right?

I had to call a doctor’s office today after not having been there for about 20 years. Would you believe I was still in the computer? Amazing!

Going to the dentist for a cleaning and x-rays is the dental equivalent to going to the gynecologist for a pap smear. You know you have to do it, but you hate it. They both shine lights and stick metal objects into your orifices and you know that will be uncomfortable. The command to “bite down” for the x-ray while the device practically permeates your soft palate is similar to the gynecologist’s command to “scoot down and relax.” You know the pain is coming. 

Does anyone get anything useful out of those ValPak and MoneyMailer coupon packets that come in the mail? It seems there is a special focus on garage doors, siding and roofing, bugs and pests, and windows and doors. Right into the recycling pile for me.

I bought Crazy Glue, which touts its strength as 1000 pounds. I hope that is enough to glue the broken handle back onto a Corningwear bowl that I use for fruit and ice cream (not together!). I have had a set of three bowls forever, which makes me wonder if I once had four…

I’m so accustomed to paying my bills online – either through automatic payments or by going on a supplier’s portal – that writing a check for a random service that doesn’t allow online payments seems antiquated and unnecessary. And if I ask someone to “venmo” me the money they owe me and they DON’T use Venmo, I take it as a personal affront.

I only buy striped sheets – not boldly striped; subtle tone on tone works, too – because when I make the bed it is easy to see which way they go.  As we know, I can’t fold them, but those stripes come in handy when the sheets are changed.

The AC guy was in my basement for such a long time checking out my system that I was afraid of what he was going to find! I immediately ordered the new filters he recommended and I hoped he would be gone before Amazon delivered them!

My kingdom for a decent rom-com!

If you see me post on Facebook using an emoji that is supposed to look like me, please contact the authorities immediately. Someone has taken over my identity or has a gun to my head. I don’t even like the phony, made-up word EMOJI so I’m not about to start using those obnoxious symbols.

I have filled out so many forms for doctor appointments lately that it feels like a part-time job. I know they have to ask the questions, but can’t I just enter the things that have changed since the last time? My previous surgery dates remain the same, yet I have to review everything all over again. And then you check in online and they send you a QR code that you are supposed to bring with you to the appointment. I dutifully follow instructions, yet no office has ever asked me for that code or bothered to take it from me!

I don’t take well to change. Previously, I documented my disdain for the new Johnson & Johnson logo – and I use the word logo loosely since the traditional one in script was elegant and the new one is non-descript. I recently got a letter from my gynecologist to let me know the practice is no longer in a relationship with United Healthcare. If anyone thinks I will abandon my gynecologist at this age, think again (but please settle with United Healthcare!). Now my dentist informed me that he is retiring, effective this summer, and has sold the practice to another dentist. Coincidentally, I had an appointment with him the day after receiving the letter and I told him that I expected our relationship to be forever, not just for a measly 29 years! Last week I drove past the Christian Science Reading Room in Manville and noted that it is now a smoke shop. I still haven’t recovered from the closing many years ago of the Famous Gaston Avenue Bakery in Somerville (don’t get me started on the 7-layer cake and those cookies). The building was demolished, and a new police headquarters is being constructed there. I doubt they will have lines around the building on the day before Easter or Thanksgiving! I would have liked to shop for a dress for my nephew’s wedding at Lord & Taylor, but, alas, it, too, has left the mall and gone out of business. The former lamp shop, Capitol Lighting, is now an axe-throwing emporium (I hope there is a nearby Urgent Care). The Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Italian restaurant on Route 22 in Green Brook, long ago became a Japanese eatery. I know that things change and we have to change with them to survive, but I don’t have to like it, do I?
 

April 2024 Movies & More

Here are the movies and programs I watched in April. The rating system goes from 1-5, the top score, and titles noted with an asterisk were not seen previously. Numbering picks up from previous months.

38. The Nest* (2020, Netflix) – This movie is listed as a drama/horror movie, a genre I avoid, but it isn’t scary, just bizarre in some ways. Jude Law is Rory, a successful and rich British businessman living in the US with his wife Allison (Carrie Coon) and two kids. He gets an offer from his old boss in London and uproots the family, buying an enormous house that is old and kind of spooky and way too large for a family of four. Will his American wife and kids get used to their new home and adjust to living in England? Why is Rory so desperate to make business deals that seem only to benefit himself? What happened to the horse? If you watch, you will ask yourself these questions and more, but don’t feel compelled to view this movie. 3 cans.
39. Serendipity (2001, HBO) – Jonathan (John Cusack) and Sara (Kate Beckinsale) meet in Bloomingdales when each is trying to buy the same pair of cashmere gloves.  From their banter and immediate ease with each other, you can tell he’s smitten, but she is not one to jump into a relationship. He doesn’t get her number and barely gets her first name, but the encounter at the counter stays with them for the next 10 years as he keeps trying to find her and she waits for destiny to play its hand. Cusack is determined and adorable, assisted by his buddy Dean (Jeremy Piven) in trying to make the magic happen again. Romantic comedies have fallen out of favor in the 2020s, but this one from the early part of the 21st century reminded me of how good they were. 4 cans.
40. The Greatest Hits* (2024, Hulu) – I kept hearing Cher singing “If I Could Turn Back Time” throughout this time travel-fantasy movie. Harriet (Lucy Boynton) and Max (David Corenswet) are a young couple driving along and arguing when suddenly there is an accident. He doesn’t survive, and Harriet, a music producer, is transported back to moments in their lives every time she hears certain songs playing from those moments. Despite therapy and group counseling, she is so paralyzed by the songs that she wears a headset practically everywhere she goes to avoid hearing them. How can Harriet move forward in life with these memories dragging her back? This situation becomes worse when she starts to build a relationship with someone in the group, because how can he possibly understand. This movie was a bit convoluted but different enough to pique my interest. 3½ cans.
41. What Jennifer Did* (2024, Netflix) – Considering that this is a true crime documentary with a provocative title, it isn’t hard to figure out that Jennifer did something that wasn’t good. Through police interviews and exhaustive detective work, the authorities pieced together a story that you wouldn’t believe possible – except that it was true. I won’t give away the story, but I have to question one key component here that relates to a 911 call made by Jennifer herself. You really cannot underestimate how evil people can be. 4 cans.
42. Megan Leavey* (2024, Netflix) – This is a movie based on a real-life story, and although there are explosive war scenes, it is still less chilling than the movie above. Megan (Kate Mara) is a woman in her 20s, a little lost in life, stuck living at home with her mother and stepfather (Edie Falco and Will Patton) and going nowhere. On a whim, she enlists in the Marines, somehow makes it though basic training, and winds up working with the canine unit under the direction of a tough boss (Common). She and her highly trained dog become a very effective unit, saving countless lives by finding explosive devices in the desert. But all good things, they say…It amazed me how well trained the animals were in this movie, portraying dogs who sniff out explosives but also being dog actors. Megan’s Rex is scary but loyal and the story is a little predictable but a nice change from others I have seen this month. 3½ cans.
43. Norma Rae (1979, Cable TV) – Oscar winner Sally Field reminds us why we like her, we really, really like her in this outstanding film about a Southern textile factory and the fight to bring in a union to represent the workers. Her title character works on the plant floor. She’s poor, uneducated but has plenty of moxie and street smarts, which is why Ruben (Ron Liebman, equally outstanding here as a New York-based paid union organizer) recruits her to win over her co-workers. This is the South, and many of these people have worked in that dusty, unhealthy plant for decades, following their parents and grandparents, and while conditions are terrible, they feel an allegiance to the company and are grateful for a job. When Norma Rae stands up on that table holding aloft her handmade sign that says UNION, I always get chills. 4½ cans.
44. All Hands On Deck* (2019, Prime Video) – Irish hotelier and TV host Francis Brennan takes us behind the scenes on an enormous cruise ship as he takes over duties in each department. He makes pizza (not so well), works in the laundry, conducts land-tours during stops, and handles pouring champagne on a 650-glass pyramid in this lighthearted, 4-part documentary. I’m a sucker for most anything behind the scenes (I recently watched a show about how chocolate is made – and why not?), so this show was right up my alley. The army of people it takes to keep a luxury cruise ship in ship-shape is enormous, and Francis brought his charm and considerable experience as a hotelier along as he aimed to please the 4500 or so cruisers. 3½ cans.
45. Space Shuttle Columbia: The Final Flight* (2024, CNN) – It was just over 20 years ago that the space shuttle Columbia exploded on its way back to earth after a successful flight. This 4-part documentary examines the history of Columbia’s development as a “reusable” plane that was supposed to explore space and return safely to be used again. But as we know from the earlier Challenger tragedy, plans don’t always work out. In this case, the seven astronauts were unaware that a small piece of foam insulation became loose early in the flight and eventually made the shuttle disintegrate as it reentered the earth’s atmosphere, killing all members of the flight crew. There are droves of people working on these projects, and some of them were very concerned about what they saw protruding from part of the vehicle. The film spares no detail in blasting the NASA protocols that did not allow questioning and examining a possible danger on board. 3½ cans.
46. Scoop* (2024, Prime Video) – This is a painful dramatization of the BBC’s coverage of Prince Andrew’s friendship with convicted sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. When Epstein was arrested in New York, only to commit suicide (maybe) in prison days later, a link is established between the two via photographs taken years earlier of the two men in New York. Did the Prince partake in sex with young or underage girls? How friendly was he with Epstein? Why would he agree to appear on the BBC news program in an exclusive interview that ultimately proves to be his undoing? Andrew comes across as a real dolt here, as do his communications people. Shortly after the interview aired, Prince Andrew was relieved of his royal duties and stripped of his title, largely because the interview revealed too much. Scandalous and salacious and self-serving to the importance of the media – which, in this case, was accurate. 3 cans.
47. The Real Story of Mr. Bates vs. The Post Office* (2024, PBS Documentaries) – In England, there is a postal system that includes thousands of local subpostmasters, each responsible for his or her village or town. The system worked exceedingly well until a new automated system was installed and discrepancies started to appear. Money seemed to be disappearing, and despite the outcry from the subpostmasters to the central office about the new computer system and its possible flaws, each person was told this issue was not happening anywhere else. The subpostmasters were harassed, accused of fraud, prosecuted and some actually jailed because of the financial discrepancies. Some tried to pay off the shortfalls with their own money even though they had not caused them. This documentary comes down hard on the system that failed in every sense: The software, the people in charge who refused to assign blame to the computer program, the programmers who created and maintained it, and especially the head postal authority. Lives were ruined, marriages crumbled and people served jail time. This is a fascinating look at the system, its failures, and the lack of care exhibited by those in charge. 3½ cans.
48. Thank You, Good Night* (2024, Hulu) – This four-part documentary is an exhaustive look at the history of the rock band Bon Jovi. Jon Bon Jovi and his teenaged Jersey pals started out playing Asbury Park bars, getting home at 6 AM and going directly to high school at 7 AM. Jon was not just the front man, he was the lead singer and the force behind the band, especially when they stopped performing covers and he started writing their songs early in their career. And with his good looks and big hair, he got plenty of attention from the girls in the crowd. There is great footage here of the early days (hello, Bruce Springsteen), the days as an opening act and the days of filling huge arenas. There are plenty of ups and downs, people (Richie Sambora) leaving the band, managers and producers being replaced, and Jon himself suffering from serious vocal problems. You could do a documentary on Bon Jovi’s hair alone! In their 40 years of rocking, they have built an impressive catalog of songs, from anthem rockers to more quiet, contemplative tunes. I just don’t know how you go out on the road, sing your lungs out for 3 hours, turn around, hop on a place and do it several more times a week for months at a time. I always appreciate seeing the success achieved by someone with a dream and the willingness to always give it a 100% effort. 4 cans.
49. Unlocked: A Jail Experiment* (2024, Netflix) – This 8-part documentary series about a prison in Arkansas is an intriguing social experiment. The inmates in Block H are on 23-hour lockdown, with just one hour a day where they can get out of their cells to exercise and interact with each other. Their very regimented routines are blown up when the Sheriff decides to unlock the cell doors, giving the inmates the chance to run their own show – as long as things stay safe for prisoners and the staff. He realizes that a new social order will develop and he’s right. At first one of the “old heads,” Randy, begins organizing meal service and other activities, but he’s met with resistance by the younger, brash inmates who resent his show of authority. As the sheriff introduces even more freedoms, such as free phone calls, the group has to come together to make sure everyone is treated fairly. After six weeks, if the experiment doesn’t work, the Sheriff will pull the plug and everyone will be back to 23-1 lockdown. Every time someone does something stupid, it jeopardizes the freedom of the entire group. This series was fascinating and intense. 4 cans.
50. Anyone But You* (2023, Netflix) – After two intense series, I needed something light and fluffy. But don’t subject yourself to this drivel. Very handsome Ben (Glen Powell) and law student Bea (Sydney Sweeney) meet and get along, then don’t get along, and then go to Australia for her sister’s wedding where the friends and family assume they are a couple or try to make them a couple. Apparently, all movie weddings now must be held in gorgeous resorts and no one ever has money issues about going, spending days in activities and bathing suits before the ceremony takes place. There’s a sequence on a yacht and an incident with a cake, and if you can’t figure out what will happen, you have never seen a rom-com before. That goes for the ending, too. Trust me when I say they don’t make them like they used to. 2 cans and no wedding gift.
 

Apriling

Things were going along swimmingly on Sunday night as CBS broadcasted the 100th Billy Joel Concert from Madison Square Garden, taped a few days earlier. He went through his old classics, like “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” and “New York State of Mind,” and his new song, “Turn the Lights Back On.” Just as he was singing his signature song, “Piano Man,” to wrap up the show, CBS pulled the plug and abruptly went to a promo for the 11:00 news and a commercial for Bob’s Discount Furniture. Yes, the show started late due to the CBS telecast of the Masters golf tournament, but the CBS folks couldn’t have played the entire show and delayed the local news? It was like the “Heidi” game, where the Jets and the Raiders were playing a tight NFL game and NBC suddenly cut to its scheduled broadcast of “Heidi,” much to the outrage of football fans everywhere. CBS – you owe us one more song! Turn the lights back on!

It is 80 degrees as I write this on April 15. I guess it is safe to take the show brush and ice scraper out of the trunk of the car now.

I saw an online ad that promises a 50-pound weight loss in 3 weeks. I didn’t bother to check the details, because how could that not be possible? Everything you read online is accurate, right?

Since I last posted, we have had floods, terrible winds, an earthquake and aftershocks and a solar eclipse. Anything I missed? Can pestilence be far behind?

I wish I could say I HAVE a little behind instead of that I’m RUNNING a little behind!

In case you were wondering, it is possible to eat Girl Scout cookies directly from the freezer. No need to defrost. You’re welcome.

At my last eye injection I told the nurse I did not want to have a patch applied because I was planning to go to Walmart and I didn't want to look like a pirate. And then the doctor and nurse and I all laughed, because who would even notice me in Walmart with the way some of the customers dress?

My wardrobe ranges from casual to “she’s out in public in THAT?”

I can’t remember what I had for lunch last night, but if I am at a restaurant with a group, when the server comes to deliver the food, I know exactly who ordered what. Hamburger with no onions and sweet potato fries? That’s Mary. Soup and salad with dressing on the side? That’s Sally. Later I realize that I can’t remember what anyone wore, but I’m sure I got their orders straight.

Speaking of restaurants, one thing I can’t remember is what is on the list of specials. By the time the waiter recites the fourth dish and its ingredients, I have already forgotten the first one. What comes with the branzino? What is the soup du jour? Once everything is ordered, however, my superpower of remembering who is getting what returns. 

I don’t and never will understand why people wear nose rings, either hoops or studs. I just don’t get it.

Shouldn’t the term “extraordinary” mean really, really plain and NOT something complimentary?

Do the people in France eat French toast? And if they do, do they call it French toast or just toast?

And speaking of French, when people use words that are a little nasty, they say, “Pardon my French.” Do you think French people do the same thing but say, “Pardon my English?” All I know is that I took four years of French in high school and none of these words ever came up in class.

I’m spending more time looking for movies to watch – not series, movies – than I am spending watching them. Going through Netflix, Prime, Hulu, Apple TV+, Max, HBO, Paramount Plus, etc., is like a full-time job. You never get a raise and the job isn’t fun anymore, either. 

I’ll admit it – I watched “The Golden Bachelor,” the “reality” show where Gerry, a widower in his 70s, was given a bevy of “mature women” from whom to pick a bride. I didn’t want to watch it, but after the first episode, I was curious. In the end, I felt he picked the wrong woman, and another contestant who had to leave the show would have been a better choice than Theresa from New Jersey. But he made his choice, they were madly in love (or just mad, apparently) and happy to get married shortly thereafter with ABC picking up the tab for a lavish, televised wedding. I wanted them to have a happy ending. But here we are, just a few months after the “I Do’s” and they don’t. They are getting a divorce. I was shocked but given the lack of success for relationships that get started on a TV show, I should not have been. I wonder if he kept a few numbers of the women he didn’t pick – and whether they would even pick up the phone if he called. Apparently neither Gerry nor Theresa could figure out where they wanted to live and couldn’t compromise. So much for happily ever after.

You can tell it is spring. I just took the flannel sheets off the bed, retired the heated blanket AND bought ice cream. The ice cream came early this year. Way early.

I hear that Dollar Tree is raising its prices and will now sell items from $1.50 to $7 a piece. Maybe some of that money can go into a name change. “More Dollars Tree” anyone?

I have the bad habit of writing down phone numbers but not the names that go with them. I’m left with random scraps of paper and no idea whose number I wrote on them.

I’m sick of these dire weather forecasts warning of a storm. Then I read the story and see that precipitation totals are expected to be a tenth of an inch. Please!

I much prefer when the front of ShopRite is filled with pots of flowers instead of jugs of ice melt.

You can officially add brown knee highs and Social Tea Biscuits to the Endangered Species list. The Social Teas are off the market; I can’t find the originals from Nabisco anywhere, probably because there is no more Nabisco. The knee highs that are missing in action are brown. You can still find the suntan and nude colors, but finding brown is impossible. In fact, just finding pantyhose is no easy “feat.” I know people get dressed up, but nobody wears pantyhose anymore? Please, my thighs are chafing at the thought of rubbing together without the minor protection afforded by pantyhose. 

You may recall that my latest smart phone came with a smart watch. The appeal of using this device is that among its features is tracking various elements of health, such as my heart rate and doing my own EKG – not that I have any idea how to interpret the results. It also tracks my sleep, faithfully logging hours and recording exact times, whether I was in a light sleep, deep sleep or REM sleep. Trust me, I don’t know what that means either. Anyway, one night I had the watch set to Sleep Mode, which means the screen is virtually black but the device continues to record my sleep. Around my usual time of 4 AM I got up, went to the bathroom and flopped back into bed. Almost immediately, I felt it sending me a signal along with a dire flashing message: FALL DETECTED, FALL DETECTED! Fall detected? I didn’t fall, I had flopped into bed, which was inaccurately interpreted as a fall. Then a red phone image lights up and the watch starts ringing and someone or something starts talking to me, saying, “Emergency, emergency!” I start yelling into my wrist, “No emergency! No emergency!” But no one said alright and there was no way to stop it, so I went and sat in the front of the house, in case there were emergency vehicles pulling up. I had to sit in my office, peeking under the shade, waiting for flashing red lights and a bunch of men with axes so I could stop them from breaking down my door – which would have been an emergency to me. I was so shocked that I took off the watch. If it measured my heartbeat at that minute, there would have been another emergency. Now I get out and back into my bed very gingerly so as not to trigger another emergency event. I am the owner of a device I am afraid of! I sure wasn’t expecting that!