What's In a Name and Much More

I admire anyone who buys Halloween candy NOW with the confidence that it will still be around to hand out to trick-or-treaters. As a resident of a senior community where the old folks don't go out to trick-or-treat (except with grandchildren, and then only to homes which display a sign in their windows inviting them to stop by), I don’t have an excuse to buy candy at all, so I don’t. Usually.

I would like to make it known that yes, I accept all cookies. I’m guessing that doesn’t mean what I want it to mean when I click the box online, does it?

Why do I have to prove that I am a human to some technical entity by looking at out-of-focus pictures of traffic lights? I guess a fake person wouldn’t have the judgment to make the right selections, but the pictures are generally so bad that neither do I!

I always buy striped sheets because the stripes let me know which way they go on my bed. In theory, striped sheets should be easier to fold, but I think everyone knows I am hopeless in that department!

If I put out the trash the night before pick-up day, the garbage truck won’t stop by until 2 pm. But if I DON’T put it out the night before or early the day of the pick-up, the truck will stop while my garbage is still in the garage. Always.

And don’t you hate it when the garbage is out and gone and THEN you spot that chicken from 4 days ago in your refrigerator that you wouldn’t dare eat now – would you? – that you should have put out with the trash?

You know that old song, “You’ll Never Walk Alone?” Between LinkedIn telling me I have invitations to see and the reunion website Classmates asking me if I remember Joe Dokes and want to say something nice about him (I don’t and I don’t), I can never be alone. I’m definitely cancelling the latter right after my 55th high school reunion in October and LinkedIn may not be long for this world, either. I don’t need a job, don’t want to belong to a group and find this service taxing on my brain. Watch me walk alone!

I admire waiters who can reel off today’s specials with barely a look at their cheat sheet. By the time they get to the 4th item, I have already forgotten the first 3. They tell us not only what is supplementing the menu that day, but also how the food is prepared. They really know their stuff, but how would I know if what they told us was wrong?

Word to the wise – if you are a PSEG customer, you should contact them for a FREE energy audit. A nice young man came to my house, replaced 67 light bulbs with more energy efficient, less costly, longer-lasting ones, installed a new shower head and checked everything here that uses energy. I can’t even guess how much 67 light bulbs would have cost, and I can’t even change many of them myself. I hauled the compact fluorescent bulbs off to Lowes for recycling. This is a great service – and did I mention it was FREE?

I am mystified at how and why graffiti artists create art on highway overpasses and bridges. Do they hang upside down while they are painting? Who holds them in place? How can they tell what their art looks like from a precarious position? And why that particular spot to adorn?

My doctor told me I needed to lose weight and exercise more (for this he went to years of medical school?). I told him I go to aqua aerobics 3-4 times a week, and he was pleased, citing the benefits to my joints and cardiovascular system, but he also pointed out that that kind of exercise won’t help me lose weight. “Sure it does,” I replied. “I can’t eat when I am in the pool.” I’ve been going to him for years, and I never heard him laugh before that!

Of course you walk into a room and wonder why you went there, right? Now I find myself opening the refrigerator or a kitchen cabinet and wondering what I am looking for. Please tell me I’m not the only one.

My father used to stand in front of the open refrigerator door and gaze inside for such a long time, obviously looking for something, that my mother used to say, “What are you doing in there, Lester? Watching a movie?” (She said this with much more colorful language than I can write here.) And one of the things he might have found in the fridge were his damp, rolled up dress shirts, waiting to be ironed. Come on, you had that Coke bottle with the cap with holes in it to sprinkle the shirts in your house, too, right?

My friend in NJ adopted a rescue dog who had been abandoned on a street in Puerto Rico. She speaks to the dog entirely in its native tongue, Spanish (it helps that she is a retired Spanish teacher). But when a neighbor heard her tell the dog “basta,” which means “enough,” the neighbor started calling the dog “Pasta.” Just don’t boil the pasta, OK?

You have to admire Jets fans. The team has not even sniffed the Super Bowl since Joe Willie Namath was the toast of Broadway and won SB III in 1969 – my freshman year in college. Countless quarterbacks and coaches later, the Jets finally seemed to have a shot this year by trading for future Hall of Fame quarterback Aaron Rodgers from Green Bay. Then, four plays into game one of the Jets’ season, Rodgers went down with an Achilles injury and has played his last game of the season – and possibly his Jets career – since Achilles injuries generally take a year to heal and rehab. And Rodgers is 39. I’m a Giants fan, but even I feel bad for the Jets.

Speaking of sports, I was at Yankee Stadium for the first time in a long time recently and watched the Yankees go hitless through 10 innings before pulling out a victory in 13. It was a long ride in the rain to get there, the seats were wet (we dried them with napkins) and a bird shit on my shoulder, but I guess that was a sign of good luck since the Yankees won.

Today, September 14 as I write this, the distinctive and distinguished Johnson & Johnson logo that defined the company’s public face for more than 130 years has been replaced in a move that to me is the worst decision since Coca-Cola introduced New Coke. Gone is the iconic, globally-recognized signature, which was based on the actual signature of one of the founders, replaced by a more modern, sans serif font that you can probably find on your keyboard. Why, you ask? The company split out its consumer business into a new, separate, publicly-traded company called Kenvue (again, you might ask, why that name?). Apparently, they wanted to cut all ties with the past. And cursive writing isn’t commonly taught in schools anymore. There are a raft of excuses – I mean reasons – why the company says they made this choice. But as someone whose responsibilities included handling the approved use of the J&J logo, I am broken-hearted. I know life will go on, but I’m not alone in this disappointment. Plenty of long-time J&J employees expressed their views on Facebook and they were not pleased. This is not a decision made lightly, and I’m sure they paid an exorbitant amount of money for the new look, but I don’t like the design or the reasoning. I know a lot of former J&J leaders who are spinning in their graves today.

August 2023 Movies & More

All programs are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 the highest. Asterisks mark movies I had not seen previously and numbering picks up from previous months. 

97.  Happiness for Beginners* (2023, Netflix) – I think even I could have made a better movie than this. There is just a tiny bit of plot, a few diverse characters, a journey with subtext meaning, a crisis point and a conclusion that you could see coming from miles away. Ellie Kemper is one note as Helen, a recently divorced woman who decides to enroll in a hiking program to “find herself.” There is the usual collection of people – the gung-ho leader, the shy woman, the strange woman, the gay man who doesn’t seem to want to be there – and there’s Jake (Luke Grimes from “Yellowstone”), the good-looking guy Helen already knows. The hike encounters problems, people form relationships and there’s a happy ending. This movie is sweet but bland, more of the Hallmark ilk than a movie you would pay to see. Save your time. 1 can.
98. Untold Story: Johnny Football* (2023, Netflix) – This excellent series often focuses on athletes who have made headlines and have gotten more publicity than they could handle. Johnny Manziel was a gifted quarterback whose outstanding, record-setting season at Texas A&M brought him national fame and the first Heisman Trophy ever presented to a college freshman. But “Johnny Football” liked to party, and no one – not his best friend, his parents, his girlfriend – could reign him in. He was drafted by the NFL’s Cleveland Browns in the first round after just two years in college, but he never devoted time and effort to measure up and succeed as a pro football player This documentary tells the whole story of the rise and fall of a guy who had way too much, way too soon. 3½ cans.
99.  Brian’s Song (1971) – This tear-jerker was a TV movie that remains a favorite for those of us who have watched it countless times. Brian Piccolo (James Caan) was a running back for the Chicago Bears when top draft pick Gayle Sayers (Billy Dee Williams) arrived in camp, ready to take his job. The two became friends and roommates, an unusual situation for a black man and a white man at that time. When Sayers was injured, it was Piccolo who trained with him and pushed him to recovery. Sadly, Sayers could not do the same for Piccolo when he was diagnosed with cancer. There are a couple of scenes in this movie that always make me cry, and it remains one of my favorites 50+ years after it first aired. That haunting Michel Legrand music adds to the feeling of sorrow. If you have never seen it, you should. 4½ cans.
100.  Witness (1985) – Harrison Ford stars as John Book, a Philadelphia cop trying to protect a young Amish boy who has witnessed a murder at the Philly train station. But the bad guys are hot on their trail so he retreats to the boy’s Amish country home with his mother Rachel (Kelly McGillis) to hide out. There in the Pennsylvania Amish country, there are neither modern amenities nor outsiders (except for the annoying tourists and their ever-present cameras), so Book has to wear drab Amish clothes and look “plain” --something that McGillis can’t quite pull off with movie make-up on and perfect eyebrows. This oldie is a goodie, with suspense and an underlying romantic relationship between the young widow Rachel and the cop. It was worth seeing again. 4 cans.
101.  Painkiller* (2023, Netflix) – I now know much more about the evil Sackler Family empire and its Purdue Pharma oxycontin manufacturing than I ever needed to know, thanks to this series on Netflix and the much superior one that aired on Hulu, “Dopesick.” In both cases, the company is shown pushing its sales reps to not only convince small-town doctors to prescribe the painkiller under the assurance of having only a 1% rate of addiction, but also of encouraging them to increase the frequency of prescribing and upping the dosages. This series, with Matthew Broderick as family head Richard Sackler, uses investigator Edie Flowers (Uzo Audba) as its narrator, taking us through the conversion of salespeople into cult followers and watching the most horrible parts of addiction through a blue-collar man (Taylor Kitsch) with a debilitating back injury. There are strange ethereal elements depicted in party scenes cut against Kitsch’s character fading in and out of consciousness). And then there’s that infernal beeping of a smoke detector in Sackler’s mansion (with a house that size, surely there is staff around to figure out which one is causing the beep and fix it!). The Sacklers were protective of their name and greedy for the money (you can look up recent news about a settlement). If you have never seen a series on this subject, watch “Dopesick.” If you have already seen that one, I’m not convinced you need to watch this one, too. 3 cans.
102.  Roll Red Roll* (2017, Netflix) – You have heard this one before: There’s a party, plenty of teenagers are there, including cute girls and cute football players and other boys. One girl drinks too much, the boys get her in a room and…you know this won’t end well. In Steubenville, Ohio, back in 2012, several players were accused of raping Jane Doe. The case divided the football loving town. These are good boys, they said. They would never do anything wrong. Did she agree to go off with them? What was she wearing that night? All of this victim-blaming and assault is bad enough, but some of the boys took pictures and video. And then there were the texts, thousands of texts, before, during and after the rape, exchanged by the perpetrators and their friends. This all-to-familiar behavior was just waiting to be found out, and the acceptance of the ”boys-will-be-boys” behavior will never allow girls and women to feel safe. Do better, Steubenville, do better, USA. 3½ cans.
103.  All the Queen’s Horses* (2018, Prime Video) – Wouldn’t you think a small town in Ohio might notice that $54 million was missing from their coffers? Well, Rita Crundwell ran the books for the town for more than 20 years and managed to siphon off $54 million for herself in what is the largest case of fraud in American history. The way she did it was so simple, and somehow the auditors who checked the town’s financial statements for decades never sniffed it out. It wasn’t until Rita was away at one of her many horse shows (she took off 4 months a year to show her stable of fine horses at shows around the country) that her co-worker had to find something in the town’s accounts and immediately recognized that something wasn’t right. This is a fascinating documentary about a woman who stole with what seemed like impunity and the effect her fraud had on the town. 3½ cans.
104. Rudolph Guiliani: What Happened to America’s Mayor? (2023, CNN/Max) – I think we know, but this 4-part special series reminds us as it looks back on Rudy’s success as a prosecutor in New York and through his two terms as Mayor of New York City, when he became known as “America’s Mayor” for his leadership in the wake of the 9/11 tragedy. He had his eye on the Senate and ultimately the White House, but a bout with prostate cancer stopped his Senate run, and he never gained traction in the GOP race for the presidency in 2008. But when fellow New Yorker Donald Trump ran and won, Rudy was there to serve as his belligerent ally, especially after Trump lost the 2020 election (he actually did lose, you know) and refused to accept defeat. What a mighty fall, from the beloved Mayor of New York to filing frivolous lawsuits to try to overturn the election with hair dye running down his cheek. 3½ cans.
105. Back to the Drive-In* (2022, Prime Video) – The last time I went to a drive-in movie I saw “Swiss Family Robinson,” which tells you how long ago that was. Since that time, the number of drive-ins in the US has dwindled to about 177, most owned by families who have operated them for decades. This documentary was filmed in 2022, when the theaters were trying to survive after having had a fairly good year during the height of the Covid crisis. Going to the drive-in was a safe alternative to going to an indoor theater. Like all other businesses, the owners experienced supply chain issues (such as not being able to get cups for the theater popcorn) and a shortage of labor. But for the dozen or so owners interviewed for this film, they do it as a labor of love, a dose of nostalgia and for the tradition of a small-town business. In most cases, their equipment is ancient, their snack offerings have remained uninspired and often the movies they show are oldies. But the owners appreciate the regulars who love getting out, and while they consider retiring or passing along their businesses someday, they are universally committed to this form of entertainment. 3 cans.
106.  Living with the Enemy* (2005, Prime Video) – Allison is a very attractive young woman who meets Philip, a handsome tech billionaire, at a conference and within a week they have fallen in love and gotten married. It happens so quickly that she doesn’t have time to even find out about his previous wife, no less about her death. But when she does find out, she realizes she may be next. Lots of money doesn’t make for a good marriage. Or a good movie. Try “Sleeping with the Enemy” with Julia Roberts instead. 2 cans.
107.  Antarctica: A Year On Ice* (2014, Prime Video) – Imagine living in a place so cold that when the temp is at minus 60, you think it is a nice day and try surviving without any daylight for 6 months a year. There’s no grass, no sand, and the only people who live with you all work with you too. Director Anthony Powell captures the beauty and the isolation of living in Antarctica for a year. Some of the people who work on various bases on the continent stay year-round. During winter, no planes can deliver supplies because it isn’t safe to fly. But it is the people who work there – engaged in research, or running the retail store; cooking; manning the fire station or in administrative roles – who bring the real warmth to an otherwise desolate place. They manage to get used to the dark and each other and they have their fun, too. I watched this on a day when the temps here reached 90 degrees! 3½ snowballs.
108.  New in Town* (2009, Netflix) – When Lucy Hill (Reneee Zellweger) is assigned to leave her corporate job in Miami to restructure a plant in Ulm, Minnesota (where everyone sounds like an extra from “Fargo”), she figures she can downsize the staff and parlay her triumph into a big promotion. But these people are just way too nice and welcoming, which softens her edges just a bit. And then there’s union rep Ted Mitchell (Harry Connick, Jr.), her natural enemy with whom you know she will fall in love. This movie is cute but lacks the BIG MOVIE story and content you would associate with the stars. If you are in the mood for lighter fare, this one might fit the bill. 3 cans.
109. Fatale* (2020, Netflix) – What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas for sports agent Derrick Tyler (Michael Ely) in this suspenseful mystery. His fling with a stranger (Hilary Swank) backfires when he learns she is a police officer back in his hometown of Los Angeles and she has been assigned to solve the case of a home invasion in his house. There were a lot of dots to connect here, and my friends and I were still trying to figure it out the next day: Were there things we missed, or was some of the plot just too coincidental? This movie got better as it went on.  3½ cans, but could be more.
110. The Longest Week* (2014, Netflix) – I had never heard of this movie but seeing Jason Bateman as the star seemed reason enough to watch it. It wasn’t. Bateman plays the rich scion of the Valmont family, zillionaires and the owners of the hotel where the feckless Conrad Valmont has spent his life being a privileged white male. When his parents go to Europe on vacation, their marriage implodes and they are fighting over a settlement, leaving Conrad without a means of support or a place to stay. He moves in with his wealthy artist friend Derek (Billy Crudup), not realizing at first that they are both vying for the same woman (Olivia Wilde, with curious eye makeup that she wakes up wearing). What you have read here is enough time spent on this movie about vacuous people with no redeeming qualities. 1 can.
111.  And Just Like That, Season 2* (2023, Max) – Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) and her rich, stylish friends are back for the second season of the “Sex and the City” sequel series. They lunch, they shop, they despair about lost loves and present relationships. Carrie, still in mourning after the death of her husband Big, decides to contact old love Aidan (John Corbett), who is divorced and living in Virginia with his three sons. And just like that, Aidan is ready for a second round (actually the third since they did break up and reconcile in the original series) with Carrie. There are plenty of adventures and misadventures among her long-time friends Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and Charlotte (Kristin Davis) as well as her newer friends Che (Sara Ramirez), Seema (Sarita Choudhury) and Lisa (Nicole Ari Parker). Seeing Season 1 is a prerequisite for this course on living a fabulous New York life amid some bumps along the way. 3½ cans.
112.  Jury Duty* (2023, Prime Video’s Freevee) – This series is a “mockumentary” that follows a jury through the trial process. Watching the plaintiff and defendant in this civil case are a group of “jurors” that include actor James Marsden playing actor James Marsden and a diverse bunch of “normal people” trying to deliver justice. Except that only one person is actually playing this straight, the only guy who isn’t aware that this is a fake case. It is not exactly “12 Angry Men,” but this new approach is different and amusing as we all find out the joke is on us – and juror #6. 3 cans.
113.  Fisk* (2023, Netflix) – Kitty Flanagan plays Helen Tudor-Fisk, a lawyer whose bad luck takes her to a dinky little firm specializing in wills and probate – not exactly a concept for high comedy. But this 6-part Australian series is populated by quirky characters and genuinely funny stuff, as in the old series “The Office.” Helen is smarter than the rest of them but has to adapt to the new workplace and the characters she deals with there and outside of work. I hope this series offers a second season, because I’m all in. 3½ cans.
114.  Good Night, Oscar* (2023, Broadway show) – Sean Hayes delivers a Tony-Award winning performance as Oscar Levant, tortured humorist, as he prepares to appear on Jack Paar’s Tonight Show. What Paar doesn’t initially know is that Levant is on a four-hour pass from the mental institution where he is undergoing treatment. Levant, twitchy and sardonic, has no censor and relishes the chance to tackle all topics that are off-limits – politics, sex and religion. His acerbic view on everything hits close to home. And will he or won’t he agree to play the piano? Hayes delivers a virtuoso piano performance of Gershwin so good that you can’t even imagine anyone else in that part. I was lucky enough to see the final performance and witnessing Hayes contortions and skill was exhausting. Imagine how he must have felt by the time the show ended. I’m sorry I can’t tell you to go and see it, because it is too late, but wow, it was GREAT while it lasted. 4 cans.

Not a Midsummer Night’s Dream

Has anyone ever actually died laughing? It sounds to me like a good way to go.

I fell asleep watching a documentary called “Race to the Moon.” I wonder how it ended.

If you can give me the song lyrics that follow this phrase, I know that you are old: “And my number is Beachwood 4….”

In my aqua class the instructor played the very upbeat song, “Jump, Jive and Wail,” which I kept hearing as “Drunk, Drive and Jail.”

You have to hand it to Barbie. At 64 years old, she’s still a doll and still making news (and still making time with my man Ryan Gosling as Ken in the new movie)! Aside from her many homes, some of which are quite dreamy, she also has cool cars. She is a doctor, an astronaut and a cowgirl among many other identities. I never had a Barbie growing up, though I’m sure we had a cheaper knock-off doll. Instead, I played with my paper dolls, including my set of the Lennon Sisters and Dinah Shore-George Montgomery paper dolls. That goes WAY back! By the way, the movie is terrific!

The other day I was sick enough to break my long-standing policy of “No soup in the summer, no ice cream in the winter.” First I bought some egg drop soup and then I decided to make lemon chicken orzo soup. Just how do we define homemade? I bought a package of chopped onions and carrots, picked up some shredded rotisserie chicken and combined that with two boxes of store-bought chicken stock, the juice of two fresh lemons that I personally squeezed and used the rind and added a cup of orzo. Hey, it was made in MY house, so I consider it homemade! Close enough.

Word to the wise: Whatever corn silks you don’t remove from the husk or ear before you eat it you will have to remove from your teeth later!

Hallmark has announced its first Christmas-themed cruise, from Miami to the Bahamas. Do they make you stay in your cabin the whole time watching their treacly Hallmark Christmas movies? The whole idea sounds like “Hell on the High Seas” to me.

Here in mid-August, ShopRite has started selling mums, Halloween candy is popping up in the supermarket (only to be eaten well before Halloween) and I hear that Costco had a Christmas tree on display. I’m sure I could find a winter coat in Macy’s if I tried.

I love those daytime naps that are so deep that I wake up not knowing what day or time it is. Why can’t I sleep like that at night in bed?

I started watching an HGTV show called “The Ugliest House in America,” and they aren’t wrong. The owners of these atrocities didn’t make them hideous themselves; they bought them this way and are ready to renovate. Consider having a bathroom that opens into the garage, bathtubs surrounded by carpeting, a bathroom that overlooks the pool below. Who could possibly think these things were either attractive or practical? That’s one show I watch while shaking my head the entire time.

The third time was the charm as I FINALLY got my Real ID last month in Flemington. This time there was no mix-up on the date (as in South Plainfield) and no gas leak that closed the building (Edison). The waiting room was air conditioned and had plenty of seats as I waited for my number to be called. The sneak preview of my picture looks like something you could hang on the wall of the post office under the WANTED posters. But that task is off list! Yay! This week I had a dream that I was traveling within the US and forgot my passport. No problem – That’s what Real ID is for!

Don’t you hate it when you take two steps and your “No Slip Socks” immediately slip inside your shoe and gather under your arch? 

Some people still pay to BUY checks so they can pay their bills? If you are going to write checks – and why? – just take the bank checks that come free with your account. Why pay money for checks that have pictures of cats or birds or even Elvis? Except for a check you send to your grandchildren, who do you think sees these checks when you pay your Comcast bill? I just saved you at least $5. You’re welcome!

I know we all tend to dwell on the weather, but this summer is especially strange. In the course of a single day we have had fog, sun, thunder, massive downpours, more sun, thunder and regular rain. Even poor Alexa can hardly keep up with the forecast!

In case the “authorities” need a DNA sample from me, I cleaned the hairbrush today so there is plenty to choose from there.

Imagine – there are generations of kids who have never known a movie chair NOT to recline. Or who never had to fight over the armrest with the person in the adjoining seat. Of course, they also don’t know the meaning of a long-distance call, a dial telephone or a manual typewriter. Remind me – why do we refer to this period as the “good old days?”

I get inflation and all, but to charge $4.25 for four small pieces of watermelon is ridiculous. I could buy a whole one for less. This week they are $3.99 at ShopRite. If only I could carry one!

Twitter has changed its branding from the ubiquitous blue bird to a large X. I’m all for elevating design, but Twitter has established more than a brand. People venture into the “Twitterverse.” They tweet their every thought and retweet everyone else’s. What we they do now with X as the name? X each other? Reside in the “Xeverse?” And what does Xfinity have to say about that large X, which is already their brand? If you ask me (and again, not one did), if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

And speaking of social media, I know the aim for many people (erstwhile “influencers,” I guess) is to get more and more followers, but I don’t think that way. I have an Instagram account where I restrict my followers only to people I know, most of whom I don’t even follow back. It seems like every day I get a new follower, mostly single men with military backgrounds who are the father of one child and believe in the Lord. I can’t even hit the “Block” button fast enough, then “Remove Follower.” Move along. Nothing to see here. 

The new “Oppenheimer” movie is the story of Robert Oppenheimer, often called “the father of the atomic bomb.” I’m disappointed that the filmmakers didn’t talk to me for source material. After all, I wrote a paper for my high school history class on this subject. I’m sure it would have added valuable information to the story. I know it is floating around here somewhere and is among the many things I should have purged by now. It no longer has any real use to me or anyone now that the movie has been made. PS – The filmmakers did a good job on the movie even without it!

July 2023 Movies & More

There is plenty of variety in this month's Movies & More. All programs are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 the highest. Asterisks mark movies I had not seen previously and numbering picks up from previous months. 

84. Muscles & Mayhem: An Unauthorized Story of American Gladiators* (2023, Netflix) – I’m pretty sure the TV show “American Gladiators” doesn’t deserve two documentaries tracing its rise and fall, yet here we are. I have watched them both. Unlike the ESPN series that I watched in May, this series focuses less on the creator and more on the “gladiators” themselves. Overly muscular men and women, some of whom enhanced their physiques with steroids, competed against “regular people” in made for TV events involving strength and brutality. And yet we watched each week to see Nitro knock someone off a pedestal or Ice joust with a padded stick. The show picked up once the producers created events that were exciting, and the gladiators gained fans. A huge national rock-star-like tour cemented their popularity. So why did it end after 7 seasons? The show took a toll on the combatants, physically and otherwise as they performed shows, sustained injuries and then piled on a bus to the next city to do it all again. Watch the series if you are actually interested. For me, it was a nice piece of Saturday nostalgia. Now, if someone wants to do a series on “Soul Train,” another Saturday morning staple, count me in. 3 cans.
85.  Shiny, Happy People* (2023, Prime Video) – I’ll admit up front that I watched a season or two of the original series about the Duggars, the Arkansas family with 17 kids (and now more). I was fascinated with the logistics of housing, feeding and clothing a family that large. I couldn’t help but wonder why they homeschooled their kids and why the older kids were responsible for much of the caretaking of the younger children and for taking care of the house. This 4-part documentary series fills in the blanks. The Duggars are Christian fundamentalists, following the teaching of the IBLP sect that requires women to be subservient and men to be obeyed at all times. I knew their kids couldn’t date – they could enter into a formal “courting” relationship that forbade kissing until marriage. But this show goes into depth about the IBLP manipulation of its devoted followers, with the ultimate intent to overpopulate and bring up children to go on to political positions so they can dominate the country. Seriously, I’m not kidding. The series covers the conviction of eldest son Josh Duggar on child pornography and discusses his “punishment” for molesting his sisters. There is nothing wholesome and good about this cult. Pictures of the conventions and training for older kids look like they are part of Hitler Youth. It is unsavory and frightening as a whole, to say nothing of what each homogenized child must have endured. Watch at your own risk. Once you start, you can’t look away. 1 can
86.  WHAM!* (2023, Netflix) – On a lighter note, we have this look at the British pop duo WHAM! that dominated the charts from 1982-86. Andrew Ridgely and George Michael were schoolmates who wanted to write songs. They did just that, producing such memorable hits as “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” and “Careless Whisper.” It became evident to them both that not only was George the better songwriter, he was also the better performer. The two toured everywhere and concluded when Michael decided to focus on his solo career, dreaming of being as successful as as Elton John. After 4 years together, WHAM split up, but the break was never acrimonious and the two remained friends as George Michael became a bona fide superstar. The chance to see the boys perform their classics while wearing short shorts was a pleasant trip down Memory Lane. 3½ Whams!
87.  Bull Durham (1988, HBO) – You can’t have a baseball season without at least one viewing of this classic movie. Kevin Costner plays Crash Davis, a career minor-league catcher whose highlight was a brief “cup of coffee” in the Major Leagues – or, as he calls it, “the show.”  Crash is signed by the Bulls mainly to tutor young pitching phenom Calvin Ebby “Nuke” Laloosh, a kid with plenty of potential who doesn’t understand or respect the game the way Crash does. His tutoring extends beyond the mound to Nuke’s budding relationship with baseball groupie Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon), who has reached home plate with many a ball player in her time. She finds Crash appealing, he finds her intriguing, but she has committed her summer of love to studly young Nuke.  This wonderful, funny movie captures minor league life, the platitudes of baseball, the camaraderie of the clubhouse, and the difference between a relationship with a boy and with a man. 4 cans and bonus points for the Edith Piaf songs.
88.  Coma (1978, Cable) – When a seemingly healthy young woman goes into surgery for a routine procedure and then lapses into a coma, her physician friend wants to know what happened, and it is something no one would have guessed. Dr. Susan (Genevieve Bujold) tackles her case more like a detective than a doctor, finding that her friend isn’t the only one who is in a comatose state. Soon she is climbing up into the hospital ventilation system, eluding security guards and narrowly escaping the creepy Jefferson Institute by climbing on top of an ambulance to get away – all while wearing a white skirt and lab coat that never seem to get dirty. I’m sure I liked this movie more the first time I saw it – nearly 50 years ago! But it has a young, handsome Michael Douglas as Susan’s doctor boyfriend, and I spotted Tom Sellick among the comatose patients (no lines, but the mustache stood out). Ironically, I fell asleep at one point in the movie and I felt like I lapsed into a little sleep coma of my own. 3 cans.
89.  Quarterback* (2023, Netflix) – This 8-part docuseries goes behind the scenes with three NFL quarterbacks – Marcus Mariota of the Atlanta Falcons, Kirk Cousins of the Vikings and the magnificent Patrick Mahomes of the Kansas City Chiefs. Playing the QB position takes a toll on the mind and body, as we see all three athletes training, strategizing and playing their hearts out on the field, then trying to be regular guys, husbands and fathers at home. Mahomes is the star of the show, an unstoppable force who refuses to let a serious ankle injury knock him out of a game. Perfect drama for this show, which ends with a Kansas City Super Bowl Championship. Only for those folks who like football and the behind-the-scenes stuff. 3 ½ cans.
90.  A Trip to Bountiful (1985, Cable) – An oldie but goodie, this gentle tale revolves around an older woman (beautifully played by Geraldine Page) and her desire to return to her treasured hometown of Bountiful, Texas, one time before she dies. She lives with her son (John Heard) and his harpy wife, and anything would suit her better than that, so she slips out of the house and finds a bus to get her close to Bountiful. Along the way she meets people with their own stories and shares her memories of small-town living. This movie has no explosions, no animation, not even a fist fight. It is just a meandering trip to restore the soul. 3½ cans.
91. Race to the Moon: Failure is Not an Option* (Cable TV, Story Network) – I have seen so many documentaries on this subject that I’m not even sure if this one is new to me. The film traces the beginning of the space program – dominated by the Soviets – through President John F. Kennedy’s challenge to land a man on the moon before the end of the 60s, through the first manned flights and culminating in the successful landing on the moon of astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin 50 years ago. The coda to the story is the coverage of doomed Apollo 13, which miraculously made it back safely from its unfinished flight after a catastrophic explosion nearly wiped out the spacecraft and crew. The ingenuity and determination of the flight control team is remarkable. I especially enjoyed the interviews with Gene Krantz, mission controller, and others at the Houston space center whose brilliance saved the day. Ron Howard’s “Apollo 13” still gives me chills, and so did this factual retelling of the entire space program. 4 cans.
92. The Noel Diary* (2022, Netflix) – I don’t normally watch Christmas movies, but I didn’t realize initially that this one qualifies. Jake Turner (Justin Hartley) is a successful novelist, a bachelor who is perfectly content by himself, just spending time with his dog. He learns about the death of his mother and returns to his childhood home to clean it out. When a young woman (Barrett Doss) comes to the door looking for information on her own mother, if you cannot figure out the story and the ending here, well, you just don’t see enough movies. Hartley was good and really the only reason I watched this at all. Don’t let my opinion sway yours. If you like Hallmark-type movies and love stories, you might like this one. 2½ cans.
93.  Barbie* (2023, Manville Cinema) – My initially low expectations for this feminist manifesto featuring the iconic Barbie doll herself were immediately surpassed in this colorful, rich pastiche of pink and girl power. This is a movie with a message, a female empowerment movie that overcomes the patriarchy that celebrates men and devalues women. All this from a living doll, you say? Barbie starts off as “stereotypical Barbie,” but she grows way beyond her colorful existence thanks to a smart script chockful of double entendres, cultural references and the wisdom of Gloria (America Ferrara), a Mattell employee in the movie. Her speech is so good that I am including it at the end of this review. Margot Robbie is perfection as the cheery but vacuous Barbie, a character so devoid of self-awareness that she can’t question her own existence. Ken, played by Ryan Gosling, defines his existence by virtue of being part of Barbie’s life, until he has a reawakening and tries to change the balance of men vs. women in his favor. Clearly, Gosling is in on the joke, as he relishes any chance to showcase his six-pack and his banality (he looked like one of the characters who faced Daniel in “The Karate Kid”).  I laughed out loud repeatedly and cheered as the men vs. women drama played out like an episode of a game show. Mattel, the creators of the Barbie doll, is portrayed as a bunch of power-hungry corporate executives, led by Will Farrell as the CEO. Credit to Robbie as a producer but the power here lies with director and cowriter Greta Gerwig, whose clever approach blasts through much more than dueling dolls. They even skewer the Barbie “family” with the inclusion of “Allan” and other characters who didn’t quite succeed. One thing I’ll say is that there never have to be movies showing male empowerment since it is inherent in our society. It is movies like this one and “Wonder Woman,” led by a female creative team, which remind you of the power in each of us. 4 pink cans.

Gloria’s speech: "It is literally impossible to be a woman," Gloria tells Barbie. "You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.

"You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

"I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us," Gloria concludes. "And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know."
94.  Oppenheimer* (2023, Manville Cinema) – I can summarize this movie in 4 words: Long, loud, confusing and cold (the theatre was really chilly that day). Director Christopher Nolan tackles the subject of the development of the atomic bomb and its “father” – J. Robert Oppenheimer – in a 3-hour epic. Oppy himself (Cillian Murphy) is a brilliant scientist put in charge of a special unit in Los Alamos established to develop the bomb. Nolan takes us down lots of tricky alleys – security clearances, potential spies – in presenting a complicated subject. I’m not revealing anything because you all know that the atomic bomb was used to annihilate Hiroshima and Nagasaki in Japan to hasten the end of World War II, but this movie portrays its protagonist as a man with a moral dilemma: Is it right to use such force to kill thousands of people under the theory that thousands more lives – Americans – will be saved if the war ends? Oppenheimer knows he is developing such a weapon, but how will he feel after it is deployed? When it comes to such a power of destruction, does anyone win? Was Oppenheimer a Communist, working for whatever the other side was at that time? This movie sets up those questions and more. Be prepared for lots of explosions (the seats rattled in my theater) and no bathroom breaks, which is a tough one to face with a 3-hour movie. But you don’t want to miss a minute! 4 cans.
95. Underrated* (2023, Apple TV+) – It is hard to imagine a 4-time NBA champion, perennial All-Star and Finals MVP described as “underrated,” but it is an apt description of Stephen Curry. With his skinny frame not yet topping six feet tall and his baby face, Curry was not heavily recruited out of high school and went to play for tiny Davidson College in his home state of North Carolina, where his father was an NBA legend. Remember those long shorts and loose-fitting uniforms BB players wore back in the day? Curry looked like a little boy wearing them. But don’t be fooled. The guy could shoot, and he had that special something-something. His college career put Davidson on the map, and when he entered the NBA, he still had plenty to prove. Years later, he continues to play that way. Underrated? OK. One of the best shooting guards EVER? For sure. 3½ cans.
96. Virgin River, Seasons 1-4* (Netflix) – I finally started watching this highly recommended romantic series and it sucked me in completely. Don’t get me wrong – it was still just a notch or two above a Hallmark movie – but the stories kept expanding and life kept getting complicated. The story centers around Nurse Practitioner Mel (Alexandra Breckenridge), who comes to lovely Virgin River to escape her former life and immediately meets Jack Sheridan (Martin Henderson), local bar owner and all-around good guy. Next, she meets her new boss, grumpy Doc Mullin (Tim Matheson) and his eccentric wife Hope (Annette O’Toole). Along the way we get a glimpse of the close-knit town, where they don’t need Twitter to spread the word. With 42 episodes of about 45 minutes each, I devoted about 31 hours of viewing time to see all four seasons in just a couple of days. When season 5 debuts in September, I’ll be back to see what happens. 4 cans.

July Grins & Giggles

Last week there was a blob on my rear window so big that I drove for miles thinking I was being followed.

For reference, if I say “today,” “yesterday,” “last week,” etc., I could be referring to any day or even no day because I made the whole thing up. My blog, my rules, you know?

No one I know sleeps well anymore. People can’t fall asleep or stay asleep or they have to get up and use the bathroom during the night. I never know if I wake up because I have to go or if I go because I woke up. Some people can’t get through the day (or a movie) without a nap. Others have to use C-Pap machines and wear masks to help them breathe. Sound familiar? The result of all this is that I now can get text messages before 7 AM because we are up and functioning early. My phone rule used to be to never to call anyone before 10 AM, but now, we are all awake and communicating.

I appreciate the fact that my friends know me well enough to send me a text in the middle of a baseball or basketball game because they know that I am watching what they are watching. Or they see a clip on Instagram and send it to me because they know we laughed over that scene 50 years ago. Or they go to a concert and send me a video of my favorite line in a song because they know that, too.

Alexa is big on alerting me to the poor air quality in the area. She reports that the alert will last until 12:45. So what happens at 12:46? All is clear? How about 12:40? Way too soon to breathe outside? She will also let me know that there is a “51% chance of rain,” which is as noncommittal a forecast as you can get. 

I had a smart thermostat installed so I can tell Alexa to adjust the heat or air conditioning from the comfort of my couch – or even remotely if I am away. I’ll specify that I want the thermostat set at 74 degrees, but Alexa prefers to deal in temperature ranges and not specifics. “The thermostat will maintain the temperature between 72 and 76 degrees,” she will advise me. You can’t just say 74, Alexa? 

My parents didn’t need Alexa. They simply had to say out loud, “turn up the thermostat,” or “turn off the hall light,” and my sister and I would have to get up and do that chore! 

I told my hairdresser to just cut the gray hair and leave the brown. Apparently, it doesn’t work that way.

I am all about hooks. I have hooks behind my closet door, bathroom doors, in the laundry room and everywhere else they come in handy. There should be a law that all ladies rooms have hooks on the door for our coats and purses. And please put one up in your guest bathroom. I need a place for my bathrobe and PJs.

How exciting is my life? For Amazon Prime Day, my big discount purchase was washing machine cleaner. What a deal!

There was a New Jersey category on Jeopardy one night recently and one of the clues was: “It was actually a trio of brothers who founded this New Brunswick-based health care company in 1886, but it goes by This & This.” None of the contestants even made a guess, no less knew the answer – What is Johnson & Johnson? My friends, former colleagues and I were appalled at their lack of knowledge!

Ladies – remember when you shaved your underarms and you couldn’t put on antiperspirant because it would sting? Remember when you had to shave your underarms in the first place? 

Anyone who can figure out their cable bill or insurance claims should automatically get a PhD in math.

A bear was reported on the loose in my town and authorities warned residents not to approach the animal. Really, do people think it’s Yogi Bear and they can just make friends with him? You don’t have to tell ME twice to stay away!

There's a character in the book I'm reading (“Rock, Paper Scissors”) named Henry Winter. Every time I see his name, I read it as Henry Winkler. The character and the actor could not be more different. I wish he were Henry Winkler!

Those pop-up ads for carry-on bags by Biaggi and the Foldie make make me laugh. They show people easily packing multiple pairs of shoes, pants, bathing suits, dresses, tops, etc., even adding a hat. Meanwhile, I have bags from both of them and I can barely put my pool stuff in the Foldie – and that’s without a towel! I couldn’t pack a week’s worth of clothing into a carry-on bag if someone threatened me at gunpoint to do it. These people must have clothes that could fit a Barbie doll. Real people’s clothes are MUCH bigger! I will admit that I am an overpacker, but these bags can merely supplement the giant suitcases I need. 

I have been taking aqua aerobics classes off and on (mostly on) for about 12 years now. The irony is that when I am in the pool, I don’t want to get wet! If a swimmer is in a lane adjacent to our class and is a big splasher, I move. 

Don’t you hate it when you are trying to find a spot in a parking lot and you think you found one only to see that a car is in that spot but you couldn’t see it because it was flanked by SUVs? Unofficial survey – More than half the vehicles in the lot by my gym are SUVs. It is not only hard to find a parking space, it is also hard to back out because you can’t see whether another vehicle or a person are about to pass behind you. Or is it just me?

If you are the first person at the red light, it is your responsibility to pay attention and be ready to go as soon as the light turns green. How frustrating it is to be the 7th person on that line and know you will be there for another light because number 1 is not shooting out when the light is green!

Of all of the knives in my kitchen drawer, one remains my favorite after years of use. It is a knife that I bought from an infomercial (not a Ginzu knife; this one is only labeled “TV Knife”) years ago. It was one of those pitches that if you bought one now you could get a second knife for free or something like that. It is perfect for slicing bagels and rolls and even tomatoes. I keep buying more knives and having the more expensive ones sharpened by a guy in my community who provides that service very inexpensively, but nothing will ever top that late-night impulse purchase. I wish I could say that about all the rest of the gadgets I just had to have and found disappointing.

There is that period of time when you enter your password and you’re waiting to access a website or app and your heart is in your throat because you don’t know whether you used the correct password. Who needs that kind of stress?

I received an important message from my power company, PSEG, letting me know that “Weather could affect your energy use.” What an astute observation. You mean that when it is hot I might use the air conditioning more? No kidding!

I just had the house power washed and had the windows cleaned. Expect storms the rest of the summer. Meanwhile, the house was so clean and the windows crystal clear plus the cleaning service cam that day. I felt that I better sit in one place and not move so as not to disturb the cleanliness!

I am saddened by the shuttering of the award-winning Sports section of The New York Times. The sports reporting will now come exclusively through the online outlet The Athletic, which the Times purchased last year. The Times had great writers and editors, recipients of Pulitzer Prizes and people very well-respected for their journalism. I am sad to see the demise of a tradition that falls because of the changing commercial landscape. 

One of my favorite lines from a TV show is in “Taxi.” As his former girlfriend Zena marries someone else, Louie DePalma (Danny DeVito) borrows a line from fellow driver Alex Rieger (Judd Hirsch) to let her know how he feels. “Happiness is hard to come by in this life, and you’ve given me more than my share.” I hope each of us has someone in our life to whom we can say those words. Poetry in a sitcom.

Summer Milestones:

•    May – Days are getting longer and flowers and tomatoes are available at the local nursery or ShopRite.
•    Mother’s Day – It is now safe to plant those flowers and tomato plants.
•    Memorial Day – Bring out the burgers, the parades and tributes to the fallen soldiers. And get those plants in the ground. It is now ok to begin eating ice cream again (this is MY rule, so you can feel free to indulge at any time).
•    June – Proms, graduations, weddings, showers. Schools close, shore season starts.
•    Father’s Day – More barbecues.
•    Late June – Official start to summer, longest day of the year, followed by each day getting shorter from here on.
•    July 4 – Parades, barbecues and watching the Nathan’s Hotdog Eating contest on ESPN. I love hotdogs but I could never eat the rolls if they are dunked in water.
•    After July 4 – Outdoor concerts around for free. You can start buying coats at Macy’s but if you haven’t bought a bathing suit by now, good luck.
•    August – Dog days, heat and humidity. Be sure to wear a sweatshirt in the supermarket. Those people wearing tank tops look really cold. You have more home-grown veggies than you know what to do with.
•    Late August – Corn, tomatoes and peaches abound at the local farmers market. School supplies are on store shelves everywhere but Bed Bath and Beyond is no longer with us. What do I do with my lifetime supply of those huge coupons?
•    September – Labor Day. End of summer unless you have a place at the shore. Now that the bennies have gone, you get a few weeks of peace and quiet. Schools open, buses are back on the roads. Days are noticeably shorter. And you can’t believe summer went by so fast again this year.