As Summer Flies By

Eye Update:  I may have been the first person you know who had “light adjustable” lenses implanted as part of my cataract surgery, but I won’t be the last. The process is much more complex than your everyday cataract surgery, but I am seeing better now than I have in decades, so I am very satisfied with the outcome. I don’t need glasses for distance viewing but will need readers to see my phone or use the computer, which is fine. I’m getting progressive lenses, so I can see both distance and close-up, but with a minimal or no prescription for distance. Will I be able to drive at night again? Time will tell. Meanwhile, my eyes are still sensitive to the light and I have avoided the sun all summer, but at least I can open the refrigerator now without shielding them. Colors look vibrant, images are sharp, and I have a whole new view of the world. Would conventional cataract surgery have resulted in the same success? I’ll never know. I’m just happy to hum “I can see clearly now. I can see all obstacles in my way.” I am available for consultations on these special lenses. 

“The Golden Girls” makes much more sense to me now.

I would like to thank the inventor of spaghetti and give a special shout-out to whomever decided that twirling it on a fork was a good idea.

Every time I check the box that says, “I accept cookies,” I expect to get actual cookies. I can dream, can’t I?

I wonder if the people in England say that we Americans drive on the “wrong side” of the road.

I ask Alexa to play “ocean sounds” so often that sometimes I think I can feel waves lapping at my toes in bed.

I think that “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” should be an adult song since most of us have pain in those places anyway. The second verse: “And eyes and ears and mouth and nose” is right up there, too.

As I went into ShopRite the other day, a man was walking out with a small cart that held two things: A bag of potato chips and a container of sour cream. My hero! I don’t think I’ll ever have that light a load, and besides, the guilt of buying just chips would consume me. 

I am entirely fed up with cooking (pun intended). I don’t really cook much these days. I’m like a contestant on “Chopped.” I cobble something together that kind of makes sense from whatever is around the house. So cold shrimp, an ear of corn and a tomato salad – all summer fare – made sense for dinner last night. And tonight is an instant replay. 

It seems that any time I make an online purchase (other than through Amazon or QVC), I’m not only inundated with thank you messages for making the order, confirmations of my order and updates on its shipping, I’m also inundated with catalogs from the companies from which I ordered. I get the “early holiday preview” catalog, the “holiday catalog,” the mid-summer catalog,” etc. I guess the only way to stop receiving these catalogs is to never again order from that particular company. Or die. I prefer the former.

I love a good nap! But I can’t go to bed and take a nap. I can’t schedule a nap. I can’t count on a nap. If and when it happens, it happens. But when I do feel one coming on, I have to act fast – just not so fast that I wake myself up. There is only a short “window” in which I will drift off. Once that passes, so does my chance for a snooze. Unless I am in the movies, where I have to fight to stay awake.

If tossing and turning were an Olympic event, I would have taken home the Gold Medal last night.

Confession: I get Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato mixed up. I also have trouble with Courtney Cox and Demi Moore, even though I know Courtney was in “Friends” and Demi was married to Bruce Willis. And I will never know which Khardashian is which because I don’t even try. 

Why are scissors considered plural? I assume it is because they have two sides, but, put together, they form one thing.

I never thought there would come a day when I would be seeing commercials about Medicare supplemental health care plans pitched by Joe Namath and Jimmy “JJ” Walker. But here we are. Dy-No-Mite!

My sister and I are fans of “American Ninja Warrior.” The competitors bill themselves under such names as “The Boss Ninja,” “The Cowboy Ninja” and “The Eskimo Ninja.” We decided that if we ever competed, I would be “The Lazy Ninja” and she, because of her issues with vertigo, would be “The Dizzy Ninja.” I would also be “The Oldest Ninja.”

Whenever there is a forecast for bad weather – a big snowstorm, possible hurricane winds or a heat advisory, say – I get an alert from my Alexa. I think she is trying to replace my mother, who felt that was her job. Once I was leaving her house and she told me to “bundle up” (does anyone still use that expression?) because it “looks cold out there.” It LOOKS cold? I mean, if it is snowing, I can understand that take, but just by looking out the window my mother could tell it was cold. She was always right, by the way.

Speaking of Mom, once when I was leaving her house – in normal weather – she said, “Don’t forget to take your shoes.” Huh? I replied, “You mean the ones I have to put on my feet to leave?” Did she really think I was going to leave the house barefoot? Moms! They worry about everything. I put on the shoes.

Last Thursday felt more like Friday. What the hell does that mean? What does Friday feel like?

I had to stop the car the other day so a bunch (gaggle?) of geese could cross the road. It was like watching a group of teenagers. They strolled/ambled/moseyed across the road, ignoring the danger of approaching cars (which had stopped) and taking their good old time. One seemed to limp, the kind of limp Festus had on “Gunsmoke” (raise your hand if you are old enough to remember that classic TV Western). There’s always something to see in this world if you just take time to look. Like I had a choice!

So, the last president, who fought tooth-and-nail to hang on to his position and never showed any interest in an orderly transition to the new president, apparently left town with a bunch of classified documents that were boxed up and kept in an unlocked room at his Florida estate. I figured he got out of town with some of the White House china and flatware but hanging on to nuclear secrets is much more serious. When I left J&J, I took my original letter opener and the stapler I had for 34 years, which had been replaced by a different variety. I would have left the company’s strategic plans in New Brunswick if I had access to them. I will never understand that man.

In fact, why wasn’t this national nightmare over in 2016 when we first heard the words, “Grab them by the pussy?” How can any self-respecting woman support anything about this smarmy, disgusting man, who just buried his first wife in a grave at his New Jersey golf club to save taxes? Yes, it’s true. She must be spinning the grave The Donald dug for her.

Sports: One day I am crying while watching the Yankees Old Timers Day ceremony. The next day I am saddened by the death of basketball legend and social icon Bill Russell. And now I am furious that Deshaun Watson received just a six-game suspension and no fine for allegedly sexually abusing/harassing more than two dozen women whom he hired for massages and then demanded more “services.” Six games? No financial consequences for the man who signed a five-year contract that guarantees him $230 million? We really don’t have any respect for women in this country, do we?

 

July 2022 Movies & More

Despite screen restrictions due to cataract surgery, I managed to squeeze in 15 Movies & More this month. All programs are rated on a scale of 1-5, with 5 the top rating. No 5s this month! New entries are marked with an * and the numbering picks up from the previous months.

93. The Suitcase Killer: The Melanie McGuire Story* (2022, Lifetime TV) – I remember this case – or, should I say, suitcase? – ripped from the Star-Ledger headlines. Fertility nurse Melanie McGuire (allegedly) murdered her husband and sent him off for a long trip by stashing his body in a set of suitcases she threw off a bridge. The lady meant business! I can’t justify it, either, but this overly-dramatic Lifetime version of the story paints the husband as a cheating spouse with a gambling problem, giving some justification (huh?) to Melanie’s actions. Besides, by then, she was having an affair with a doctor at the clinic. The whole thing is Lifetime at its best/worst, showcasing a tawdry story with inferior acting, writing, etc. You can pack up all your cares and woes more safely than this. 1 can.
94. Gone Baby Gone* (2007) – When 4-year-old Amanda goes missing, her irresponsible mother (Amy Ryan) seems less concerned about the child than her Aunt Bea (Amy Madigan) and her brother Lionel (Titus Welliver). They are not happy with the police investigation, so Bea decides to get some publicity and brings in private detectives Patrick (Casey Affleck) and his partner/girlfriend Angie (Michelle Monaghan) to work with the cops. The police on the case (Ed Harris, John Ashton and chief of the unit Morgan Freeman) seem cooperative, but Patrick and Angie have some inside connections that help them make more progress. Just when you think the case has reached an end, you find out that it is far from over. This drama gives us the Boston suburbs full of tough-talking characters who have their own agendas. There are twists and lies and an ethical dilemma that are unexpected and engrossing. Casey’s brother Ben co-wrote and directed the movie and gave little brother a gripping part. 4 cans.
95. 37 Words* (2022, ESPN) – This is a four-part documentary tracing the origins of the legislation known as Title IX and its influence on expanding and insuring the rights of women to be treated fairly by institutions receiving federal funds. The legislation covers all activities in which women participate, which includes sports (which is not actually listed). The forces behind the legislation and its implementation – including efforts by some to get around it to protect sports like college football – are clearly depicted. I have seen several programs on this subject since 2022 marks 50 years since its passage, but this one is by far the best. 4 cans.
96. Carrier (2008, PBS) – Since I’m trapped I the house recovering from cataract surgery and I have to avoid bright light, this seemed like a good time to rewatch this documentary series on PBS. I knew nothing about life on an aircraft carrier, but I do now. This thorough and engrossing program introduces the viewer to the people on the ship, their jobs, their lives and their aspirations. They include a 21-year old who finds out on the ship that his new girlfriend is having his baby; a tough-minded enlisted man who loves to salsa dance; plenty of pilots who love to fly and many more. I felt compassion and pride for many of them. This is a very appealing series that was worth watching a second time. 4 cans.
97. Watergate: High Crimes in the White House* (2022, CBS) – It has been more than 50 years since the Democratic National Headquarters at the Watergate Hotel in Washington, DC, was broken into by a group of five men who turned out to have connections in high places. What did President Richard Nixon know and when did he know it? This documentary traces the story from that break-in through the Nixon resignation in August of 1974, after the “smoking gun” of the Watergate tapes revealed his complicity. Absolutely fascinating. 4 cans.
98. Funny Girl* (2022, Broadway) – The original cast album of this show and of the movie played constantly in my house in the 60s. My mother saw the show early in its Broadway run and felt as if she had “discovered” Barbra Streisand, the transcendent talent who played Fanny Brice on stage and in her movie debut. To state the obvious, the star of this revival, Beanie Feldstein, is NOT Barbra Streisand. Nor should she be. But she's a damn fine Fanny Brice, with excellent comic chops, dance skills that carry her through relatively modest choreography and a fun tap number and a voice that handles the iconic numbers like “People” and “Don't Rain on My Parade” with power and authority. I think she has been unfairly criticized out of a comparison with the incomparable Barbra. This is an entertaining and enjoyable show that was well worth seeing, even with my protective post-cataract glasses and despite having to occasionally shield my eyes from the light. Feldstein was a controversial choice to play the lead and received tepid reviews from the critics and some audiences, but I was pleasantly surprised since my expectations were so low. Jane Lynch was also very good playing Fanny’s mother and leading the characters on Henry Street. Not the best show I have ever seen, but the nostalgia and the songs made my experience seeing it on the stage a good one. 3½ cans.
99. Yellowstone* (2018-2022, Peacock) –This series is about the Dutton family, headed by patriarch John (Kevin Costner), ranchers in Montana since they stole the land from the Native Americans generations earlier. John is determined to hold on to his ranch as business interests threaten to buy it up or acquire it through nefarious means so they can “improve the local economy” and their own interests by building an airport, casino, housing, hotels, a ski resort – anything that will line their pockets. The story reminded me of a much less melodramatic and campy “Dallas.” Costner is outstanding in his role as a steely but dedicated family man, a widower with grown children. His son Jamie is a smarmy lawyer and politician; daughter Beth is a ruthless and foul-mouthed executive who will do anything to protect her family; son Kaycee was born to ride horses and loves the land. There are good guys and bad guys and lots of horses and cattle. This show must cost a fortune to produce with all of the sets, the livestock, the horses and a million and one cowboy hats. I watched all four seasons while stuck in the house recovering from cataract surgery and now I eagerly await Season 5 when it debuts in the fall. 4 cans.
100. The Bear* (2022, Hulu) – No, this 8-episode series is not about wildlife – at least not in the conventional sense. This chaotic “dramedy” takes place at a family-owned casual Chicago restaurant that was inherited by acclaimed chef Carmen “Carmy” Berzatto (Jeremy Allen White, perfect in this role) when his older brother Michael committed suicide. The place is a mess. Bills haven’t been paid, there are debts to mobsters, health code violations, a fractured staff and Carmy feels a sense of obligation to make it all work. Once considered a rising star in the food world, Carmy’s new gig has him mostly preparing sandwiches and other non-fine dining. If you are looking for something relaxing to watch, this series is NOT for you. The frenetic pace of the kitchen, the unending demands on Carmy – who looks ready for a nervous breakdown most of the time – stand in the way of running an organized, successful business. If you watch this, don’t start when you are hungry. Carmy’s food looks mouth-watering, and the pastry chef is turning out some amazing looking baked goods. When Carmy hires young chef Sydney (Ayo Edebin), the whole place seems to improve, but it’s not long before the restaurant loses power and reverts to its old ways. If you can’t take the heat, you might want to stay out of this kitchen. I plan to go back for seconds. 4 cans.
101. Dopesick* (2021, Hulu) – This 8-part series is a scathing indictment of the real-life Sackler Family, owners of greed-driven Purdue Pharmaceuticals, purveyors of OxyContin, the pain drug that was used and abused by millions of Americans. The good guys here are the tireless assistant district attorneys and dedicated DEA officials, who pour over volumes of data to understand the addictive nature of the drug and get it off the market. The pharm guys are played as cartoon characters. The victims of the Oxy nightmare are shown as blue collar, uneducated people who got themselves hooked. This series is a sad testimony to off-label prescribing of drugs, the execs who kept coming up with stronger formulations while ignoring abuse data, and the sales reps who were rewarded by their ability to push the drug to doctors. Michael Keaton gives an understated performance as a doctor whose life is adversely affected by the powerful drug. 4 cans.
102. The Day the Music Died: The Story of Don McLean’s American Pie* (2021, Paramount TV +) – Devoting an hour and a half to a documentary about one song might seem excessive, but not when that single song is the classic Don McLean tune “American Pie.” Even if you aren’t old enough to remember the day the music died in 1959, you probably know the song well enough to sing along. McLean himself delights in telling the story about how he wrote his tribute to the three rock & roll giants who died in a plane crash in a cornfield in Clear Lake, Iowa – Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper. He got the idea and took his time until the words just started rushing out of him. When the song was released in 1972 no one thought the 8-and-a-half-minute opus would get any radio airplay, but listener demand made the stations play it in its entirety off McLean’s album. In this loving documentary, he even gets to meet Connie Valens, the sister of Ritchie, who was only 17 years old when he died. The song is about the fabric of America, and how the death of these three young, vibrant performers represents a changing society in America. Even though I will never understand all the lyrics (or why the last performance of the trio took place in the “Surf Ballroom” in Iowa), I thoroughly enjoyed listening to musicians discussing the iconic song and especially McLean himself recounting the magic he created. 3½ cans.
103. Where the Crawdads Sing* (2022, at the movies) – My BFF says that my reviews tend to run too long, so I’ll keep this one brief and not spoil the plot or the word count. If you have read the book, see the movie. If you haven’t read the book, see the movie. It is a compelling story in any format. 4 cans.
104. Non-Stop* (2014, HBO) – Word to the wise: Don’t travel on a plane, train or automobile with Liam Neeson, the taciturn and unlikely action star. Here he is an alcoholic air marshal who hates to fly. And that’s the least of his problems when he starts getting text messages from someone on his flight to London demanding $150 million or someone on the plane will be killed every 20 minutes. He has no idea who is sending the messages and who to trust. Some of this seemed a little far-fetched; I can barely turn around in an airplane lavatory, but Liam finds a way to fight a bad guy there. How did the bad guys get his text number? Impossibilities aside, this movie is non-stop in its approach to the landing. 3 cans.
104. In the Heights* (2022, live theater) – Here’s the thing about going to small, local theaters to see shows: The producers, designers and cast have to use considerable ingenuity to stage a show that might have originated in a big, Broadway theater and do it with a limited budget and stage size. At Music Mountain in Lambertville, NJ (more on that later), the people responsible for this production did a commendable job. This is the exuberant story of the immigrant Latino population living in “the Heights” – not quite Manhattan, not quite the Bronx. The main character is a young man who runs a bodega, while others work in the local hair salon, operate a taxi and limo service or just hustle. This is a Lin-Manuel Miranda production, so there is plenty of rap-style music and plenty of attitude. It is vibrant and colorful and the company did a terrific job. As for the venue, I think the last time I was there – when the building was called Lambertville Music Circus – was to see a concert by The Association (“Cherish” and “Never My Love” were their big hits) in 1969. The place is now comfortable, air conditioned and an excellent place to see a show. I’ll be back. 3½ cans.
105. Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris* (2022, Manville Cinema) – I was delighted to join the bouncy Mrs. Harris on her jaunt to Paris to achieve her dream of buying a haute couture gown from master couturier Christian Dior. A widow, Mrs. Harris (Lesley Manville – appropriately) has spent her life cleaning and caring for the rich and obnoxious of London, squirreling aside meager savings. One day she hits the number and realizes she can go to Paris and buy her dream dress. Of course, it is not that easy, but Mrs. Harris charms the famed designer and most of his staff. This story is a fantasy, especially in how she becomes the toast of Paris and saves the House of Dior. I found it unbelievable but enchanting, and the dress is absolutely stunning. 3½ cans.
106.  I Love That For You* (2022, Showtime) – Saturday Night Live alum Vanessa Bayer created, wrote and stars in this quirky series partially based on her own childhood experience with cancer. Her Joanna Gold bombs her audition for a slot on SVN, a home shopping network, but then lets it slip that she has cancer. Not exactly true, since she recovered from a childhood bout of leukemia and now, as an adult, is cancer-free. But it gets her the job at a place filled with phonies, show hosts with plastic good looks and relentless on-air cheer. She fits right in, an awkward young woman whose life experiences were stunted by disease but who worships the home shopping model and its hosts like Jackie (fellow SNL alum Molly Shannon) and who can pitch products and pity. Jenifer Lewis plays the tough-as-nails network boss. This is an office comedy on the order of “The Office” or “Mary Tyler Moore” but with a different vibe, fresh characters and an appealing Bayer, who walks on eggshells fearing that someone will figure out that she is actually healthy. Thanks to Xfinity for a free Showtime weekend so I could binge the whole thing. Not as good as “Hacks,” but worth seeing. 3½ cans.
107.  The First Lady* (2022, Showtime) – Three stellar actresses – Viola Davis, Gillian Anderson and Michelle Pfeiffer – have the unenviable task of portraying three women who are well-known to the American audience for their prominence as the First Lady. Davis, as Michelle Obama, probably has the narrowest lane since she is the most recent of the three and we know her well after watching her for eight years on TV as the first Black First Lady. Anderson is Eleanor Roosevelt, shown here as the conscience of her husband Franklin and very much her own woman. Pfeiffer’s Betty Ford is frustrated by the limitations of her role and her husband Gerald Ford’s handlers, who want her to stay clear of endorsing the ERA or taking positions that will cost him Republican votes in the 1976 election, which he lost to Jimmy Carter. All of the First Ladies come across as confined and trapped in their roles, with only Eleanor leading her own life. Their unelected positions are tricky to navigate, not entirely rewarding, and probably not something they would have sought on their own. Still, a fascinating look inside the White House, the marriages and the dreams of three strong women. This is an 8-part series that I can see having another season with three different First Ladies. Jackie Kennedy, anyone? 3½ cans.
 

The Eyes Have It

Note: Please excuse any typographical errors in this month's blog entry. Read on to understand.

Normally, I would never complain about too much sunshine. But since I had my first cataract surgery on June 29, there has been nary a cloud in the sky, just when I have to avoid the sun. My Alexa kept telling me that there was a 51 percent chance of rain one day and a 73 percent chance another day, even specifying hours, but she was mistaken. And since my surgery on the other eye on July 5, we have had nothing but more blue skies and plenty of sunshine headed our way, just when I have to avoid the light.

I’m told that almost all people of a certain age (translation = OLD) will need cataract surgery eventually. We all know people who can’t or won’t drive at night (raising my hand). I knew I was working on cataracts, but with my macular degeneration, the eye doctor assured me that cataracts were the least of my problems. And then we had a two-year pandemic stretch where I simply didn’t go anywhere at night. My Rutgers Women’s basketball games were cancelled or banned spectators, and I didn’t do much of anything that required night driving. This past season, we were back at the RAC again and I noticed a serious decline in my night vision. Even those yellow glasses they advertise on TV didn’t help reduce that glow around oncoming headlights. My retina doctor confirmed that the cataracts were no longer the least of my problems but had gone to the top of the list.

So, I went to the recommended doctor, filled out the medical history that demanded a list of previous surgeries that included even colonoscopies (as a colon cancer survivor, I had literally too many to list; I put down my most recent and a note that said “many prior to this date”), got an EKG and medical clearance and we set the dates.

You have to administer drops to your eyes the day before the surgery and for several weeks afterwards. They gave me a chart to check off when I put I the drops, and I copied it so I would have one for each eye – one of the best ideas suggested by my sister.

Here's the essence of the surgery: The doctor makes a small incision in your eye and removes the cloudy lens, replacing it with a tiny artificial lens. The procedure itself takes 5-10 minutes, though you are at a surgical center for a few hours getting numbing drops in your eye, an IV in your arm for a mild, short-lasting sedative, and trying to remain calm at the thought of someone slicing into your eye. They prop your eye open during surgery, so you can’t blink, and the whole thing is over in a flash, so to speak. You ARE awake, but the only pain you feel is from the rounds of drops they put into your eye to numb it. They sting a bit.

Then the fun begins.

They gave me special glasses and plastic eye shields to tape to my face to cover my eyes at night so I couldn’t rub it or whack myself in the eye with my pillow. Taping the plastic shields to my face was the only part of the instructions I did not follow religiously. I bought a soft satin eye mask at Ulta weeks before the surgery and I used that after a few nights with the shields.

You can’t rub your eye or let the shower hit you in the face. You can’t bend over or lift anything heavy, you are not allowed to exercise – I wonder how long I can milk that one? – and you can drive if you feel comfortable doing that, which I am trying today.

The benefits of the surgery are immediately noticeable. I “watched” tennis at Wimbledon, even though all I could see initially was two figures in white on a big green background. The colors were so vibrant that it seemed like I had a new TV. And everything is so much brighter! Opening the refrigerator seems blinding to me. I tried working on my computer but the brightness of the screen was overwhelming and I couldn’t see the controls to figure out how to dim it. The eyestrain was immense and nearly debilitating, and you can’t rub your eyes!  I am writing this blog post in short segments since I can’t tolerate looking at the computer screen for too long without eyestrain.

I guess my eyes were much worse than I knew, but the decline in vision happens gradually, so you don’t realize how bad it gets until you get it fixed.

Like my hero, Tina Turner, I never do anything “nice and easy,” and this surgery was especially rough because I got the top-of-the-line, “light adjustable” lenses. I know dozens of people who have had cataract surgery but no one who has had these kinds of lenses. They cost an extra $5000 each, but my doctor assured me that J&J’s insurance plan would cover them, a fact that I verified before I agreed to have them implanted. He tells me that because the lenses are adjustable, I have a better chance of reaching optimal vision than with a fixed lens that they have to estimate is the best prescription for the patient.

These light adjustable lenses don’t dim when you walk into a bright room. The adjustable part takes place in the doctor’s office, where he applies a light that reshapes the lens to the prescription of choice – we hope. Several weeks after the eye heals from the surgery, the doctor makes a series of adjustments before the prescription is “locked in,” which means that’s the final one. No going back now! My first adjustment is at the end of July, three weeks after surgery. Until this process is through, I won't know whether I will need glasses, reading glasses or no glasses. Please give me the name of a good plastic surgeon to remove those bags under my eyes if that is the case!

Meanwhile, I have to avoid any exposure to UV light. The doctor told me that exposure to the sun could alter the implanted lens, so I have to wear those special protective glasses for at least a month to make sure that doesn’t happen. I have a set of protective sunglasses, clear glasses and one pair with a small bi-focal lens to help me see while the prescription is not finalized. I also have two pairs of protective “overglasses” – sunglasses and clear ones – that fit over my reading glasses so I can do work on the computer for brief periods. The doctor told me I had to wear them at all times and I am taking that seriously; I have them on at night, in a dark room, while I watch TV before bed. I went to see “Funny Girl” on Broadway this week (tickets I had had for months) and spent much of the play with my head down, covering my eyes with my hand to avoid the harsh stage lights. It was so sunny on the bus on the way home that I took my ever-present face mask and used it to cover my eyes. Hey – it worked. The doc put the fear of God in me, and I am in the running to be his most compliant patient ever, even if I look like Mr. Magoo in the interim.

Now I wash my face in the sink without bending over, take a shower with no lights on (I can’t wear the glasses in the shower!) and tilt my head back so water doesn’t hit me in the eye. I don’t open the shades or the windows and I go outside to water the plants just before dusk to avoid sunlight as much as possible. 

Despite the restrictions, I have found a way to muddle through. I made some meals before the surgery to have on hand, and I made zucchini parm with one eye after the first surgery. Not my best effort, but it was fresh and cheesy and acceptable under the circumstances. And I even shaved my legs – slowly and ever-so-carefully – in the shower. Let’s face it, now I can see the hair!

I have enlarged the font on my phone so I can read texts, and my Kindle now has about 10 words on a page. The book I am reading will have about 2000 pages this way, but if I can read, that’s a win in my book. I can’t see well enough yet to file my nails, but a friend took me for a much-needed mani-pedi, so I was thrilled. The polish looks more vibrant than ever.

Going through this experience gave me a whole new empathy for people who have any kind of visual impairment. When I am up to it, I will write a letter to People Magazine to tell them that the light font they use in the magazine is difficult to read for anyone with these kinds of issues. I thought so before the surgery and it’s much worse now. I started watching the series “The Old Man” on TV and had to stop because so much of it was filmed in the dark. (This has been one of my pet peeves for years; on TV sets, all offices are lit by lamps for mood, but I have never worked in an office or facility that didn’t have bright overhead lights). I simply could not see what was happening on the screen.

It is tougher to see when I first wake up, but my sight improves as the day does on. The guide on the TV screen is way too small and I can’t see what I recorded on the DVR. I think of it as wandering around with the wrong prescription until the adjustments are made.

I also found out that my right eye has been slacking off for years! The first surgery was on my left eye, so the right eye had to carry the load. If I were grading it, I’d give it a C-. 

In the end, I should be seeing better than I have in years. I can already see that my hair is much more gray than I thought it was! And I should even be able to tell the difference between black and blue for the first time in years. I’m especially looking forward to being able to drive at night again and not to have to impose on other people for rides. And since the cataracts have nothing to do with my macular degeneration, my monthly injections for that will continue. I’m always seeking rides there, too, just in case you have a few hours to kill.

Although the doctor briefed me on what to expect, there was so much more than I could have anticipated (hence this public service blog post). This whole experience is like one of those signs on the highway that say, “Temporary Inconvenience – Permanent Improvement.” Let’s hope so!

June 2022 Movies & More

There are enough movies and series here to keep you busy if it rains all through July 4th weekend. Go to the movies to watch "Top Gun Maverick" and "Elvis," and check Netflix, Prime Video, Hulu and more for the rest. Movies are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 being at the top. Movies marked with an asterisk are things I had not seen previously. Numbering picks up from previous months. We are halfway through the year and this list has already topped 90!

76.  Hacks: Season 2* (2022, HBO Max) – Jean Smart again delivers bigtime as veteran Vegas comedian Deborah Vance, who now is off the Strip for good and hitting the road with her co-writer Ava (Hannah Einbinder). An unwise email by Ava to some Hollywood contacts paints a bad picture of Deborah, and Ava is scrambling to control the damage. The series works best when Deborah is performing her newer, fresh material at state fairs and on a gay-themed cruise that turns out is only for lesbians. There is plenty of comic tension between the old star and the young writer; when Deborah is not threatening Ava, she holds a grudging respect for the clever young woman who has a lot to learn about show biz. Yes, the first season was better, but that’s because we just met these folks and it was all new and exciting. Still, I’m a fan of Hacks and look forward to another season – although everything was so neatly wrapped up that I’m not sure I see any future plot possibilities. 4 cans.
77.  Top Gun (1986, Prime Video) – Since the new film Top Gun Maverick is out, I felt the need, the need for speed – I mean I felt I should watch the OG as a prerequisite before I see the sequel. I can’t believe this movie came out 36 years ago! Tom Cruise was young and handsome, always thrusting that 1000-megawatt smile in your face. There’s no point in summarizing the plot. Just revel in hearing Maverick and Goose (Anthony Edwards) singing, “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” in a bar so Mav can score with a woman; enjoy the testosterone-fueled beach volleyball scene with Mav and the other Top Gun pilot wizards; and forgive the unlikely romance between the student and the teacher, played by Kelly McGillis. OK, now I am ready to see the 2022 version. 4 cans.
78.  Joe Papp in Five Acts* (2010, PBS) – You can thank New York theater producer Joe Papp for bringing Shakespeare to the masses with his inventive “Shakespeare in the Park” series, but he did so much more than that. He headed the Public Theater in the City, went toe-to-toe with powerful Robert Moses (and won), built the Delacort Theater in Central Park, and produced such innovative plays as “Hair” and “A Chorus Line,” my favorite theatrical experience of all time. He fought for the downtrodden, brought art to the masses and worked with young actors and playwrights before people knew who Meryl Streep, Christopher Walken and David Rabe were. This is a fascinating piece about a very special man. 4 cans.
79.  Beanie Mania* (2021, HBO Max) – From Joe Papp (above) to Beanie Babies is quite a trip, but you know how eclectic my taste is. This documentary is about the rise of those small plush animals, Beanie Babies, whose reign began in 1993. Toy tycoon Ty Warner introduced the loveable animals from his company outside Chicago, and they were immediately popular with local mothers, who purportedly bought them for their kids but actually became collectors of the brand. Refusing to sell to major retail outlets like Walmart, Ty confined his sales to small gift stores. The rising popularity of the toys led the buyers to go store to store, follow delivery trucks and make an all-out effort to find the latest models to complete their sets. Things really amped up when Ty decided to “retire” some of the models, making them more valuable to find and collect, and thus began the secondary market. Throw in the rise of the Internet, the growth of EBay as a marketplace for the toys and even the existence of self-published guides and magazine by collectors, and Beanie Babies became a national obsession. Lots of people made lots of money collecting these toys and reselling them for much more than they originally paid. Warner got his share, too, and not always legally, as he eventually was convicted of starting off-shore accounts to avoid paying taxes. This film focuses on a small group of women, primarily from Chicago suburb Naperville, who became entrenched in Beanie Mania. I asked my sister if there were still a few of these things around in her house from her now-29-year-old son, and she said yes. I doubt if there are enough to fund her retirement, but some people did just that at the height of this craze. 3 cans and a few plush toys.
80. Teddy Roosevelt* (2022, History Channel) – One thing for sure: Teddy Roosevelt was probably the most colorful of all the US Presidents. Though sickly as a boy, he toughened up enough to lead the Rough Riders and excel in outdoor explorations. Once he even delivered an 84-minute speech after getting shot in the chest; the thickness of the folded speech helped protect him from what would have been a fatal bullet. Roosevelt ascended to the White House after the assassination of President William McKinley, and, once in power, found what he loved to do. This two-part look at Roosevelt is based on Doris Kearns Goodwin’s New York Times bestseller, “Leadership: In Turbulent Times.” There is plenty of actual footage, which is combined with dramatization. Roosevelt governed with an eye on the good of the people, enacting laws to protect the food supply and other important legislation. He was a popular president whose image ended up on Mount Rushmore along with such prominent presidents as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln. He was primed to run again in 1920 when he passed away at age 60. If you like history and don’t know much about Teddy Roosevelt, check out this production. 3½ cans.
81.  Hustle* (2022, Netflix) – As a scout for basketball’s Philadelphia ‘76ers, Stanley Sugerman (Adam Sandler) is always on the road seeking the next basketball prodigy who can pass, score, dunk and defend – and who will stand up mentally to the rigors of the NBA. He finds an uncut gem in Spain in Bo Cruz, an unknown, otherworldly talent whom he shepherds to the States to try out for his boss in hopes the team will draft Bo and give Stan a job as an assistant coach so he can finally get off the road. There is a lot of “Rocky” in this story, not about a self-made talent, but about a young guy who needs plenty of coaching and encouragement. Sandler delivers a credible performance and the basketball scenes look authentic. Queen Latifah is mostly wasted in her role as Stan’s wife. If you aren’t a basketball fan, there’s probably an excess of hooping in this one for you. 3½ hoops.
82.  The Staircase* (2022, Netflix) – This is essentially a story about a story about a story. Confused yet? Buckle up. This mini-series is a dramatization of the story of author Michael Peterson (Colin Firth), who walked into his house one day and found the near-lifeless body of his wife Kathleen at the foot of the staircase, blood splattered all over the floor and walls. He assumed she fell and subsequently died as a result. But that would only be part one of this series. Did she fall? Did Michael push her, beat her, kill her? What was his motive? Or did owls peck her in the head (wait for part 5 or 6 on that one)? Meanwhile, Michael agrees to allow a documentary producer to record his story, from the police investigation through the legal process. So, this series is a dramatization of the making of the documentary that follows the action between Michael and his legal team, the blood spatter experts, the members of this complicated family and a few revelations that, if they weren’t actually true, you’d say they could not be believed if this story was a work of fiction. I watched the original documentary. If you are interested in the case, chose that option instead of this one. Truth is stranger than dramatizations. 3½ cans.
83.  Brian Wilson: Long Promised Road* (2022, American Masters, PBS) – Brian Wilson can hear music in his head that the rest of us can barely interpret when we hear it on the radio. One of three brothers, a cousin and a friend who defined the California sound with their creation of the Beach Boys in the 1960s, Wilson by age 22 was already turning out top hits for the group known for its surfing music. But Wilson had more than fun in the sun in his mind. A banjo here, a violin there, horns and harmonicas placed precisely as only Wilson could led to such masterpieces as “God Only Knows” and “Good Vibrations” and the classic album “Pet Sounds.” Wilson was plagued by insecurities and mental illness, a drug problem and and an abusive, controlling therapist who isolated him for years. I never would have picked Brian Wilson to be the last living Wilson brother. Check out this special look at a gifted musician who is still writing and performing. It is a miracle he even survived. 4 cans.
84.  Halftime* (2022, Netflix) – I’ll admit it: I am a fan of Jennifer Lopez. And nothing about this documentary about her starring in the Super Bowl Halftime Show back in 2020 (just before the world shut down for two years!) changed my mind. Put aside the glitz and the glamour and you get Jenny from the Block, a talented woman eager to please and ready to deliver the goods – which she surely does. Despite having to share the stage with sister Latina Shakira, JLo is clearly the star here. But this movie is about more than a 13-14 minute show on the world’s largest stage. It is about a woman proud of her heritage who worked hard to become a showbiz triple threat – a singer/dancer/actress. Sure, this is a flattering portrait (it was made by her team), but it works as a behind-the-scenes depiction of what goes into the preparation of a huge extravaganza and her eagerness to have it make a statement – which it did. 3½ cans.
85.  Dream On* (2022, ESPN) – This detailed, three-part documentary is part of ESPN’s “30 for 30” series, and the timing of its release coincides with the 50th anniversary of the passage of Title IX that made athletics a level playing field for collegiate women. The program focuses on the selection and training of the 1996 Women’s USA Olympic Basketball team, led by Stanford Women’s Basketball Coach Tara VanDerveer, and its quest for the Gold Medal. But the end-game was not just the Gold; these women were carefully chosen to represent their country and to dominate all opponents, starting a year in advance. They toured the world, played in lousy conditions, toiled under a tough taskmaster, united in their quest, knowing that their success could lead to more opportunities for women to play professional basketball. And thus was born the WNBA, a women’s league sanctioned and bolstered by the men’s NBA, capitalizing on the growing interest in the college game with the success and rivalry of UConn and Tennessee and many other programs. The documentary features interviews with the stars of the team, whose names are still recognizable to fans: Lisa Leslie, Dawn Staley, Rebecca Lobo and others. These women sacrificed and overcame many obstacles on the road to the Gold Medal in Atlanta. The USA team has captured Gold in every Olympics since. This team is the one which got the ball rolling. Great story. 4 hoops.
86.  The Offer* (2022, Paramount+ TV) – This series about the making of one of my top five movies of all time, “The Godfather,” was enough to make me subscribe to Paramount+. It is the story behind the story, giving a detailed look at how movies get made, how actors are cast and writers and directors are critical to every aspect of the story. It is also the story of the power players, notably Paramount movie honcho Robert Evans (Matthew Goode, who is better than good), Charles Bluhdorn, the blustery, money-hungry head of Paramount’s owners, Gulf and Western, and relative novice producer Al Ruddy (Miles Teller), who gets the plum producing assignment from Evans and has to fight to get the movie made. At 10 parts, this mini-series was longer than it needed to be, but you might think that about “The Godfather” movies – although this series covers just the original. Tip of the hat to Bettye McCartt, played by Juno Temple, the right-hand woman to Ruddy. The two of them were a formidable team and largely responsible for getting the right people in the right places to get the movie made. 4 cans.
87.  Jerry & Marge Go Large* (2022, Hulu, now on Paramount+) – Jerry has reluctantly retired from the plant where he worked for decades, taking his love of math and detail and trying to find a place to apply them. Marge is his wife, dreading having him interfere in her routine. As a math nerd, Jerry studies the “Windfall” Lottery in his native Michigan and eventually finds a loophole that guarantees a win. Even though the couple has to drive to Massachusetts to buy tickets after Michigan pulls out of Windfall, it is worth their time – and then some – when they haul in win after win. And it is all legal!  Bryan Cranston is Jerry, looking a bit lost without his work routine, until the Lottery becomes his new job. Annette Bening is a good match for him, willing to count thousands of tickets to pull those winners. I can’t say more without revealing the plot. This movie doesn’t exactly hit the jackpot, but it is a feel-good winner. I have to say that Bryan Cranston looks uncannily like George H. W. Bush here! 3½ cans.
88.  Captive Audience: A Real American Horror Story (2022, Hulu) – I remember the story of 7-year-old Steven Stayner, who was kidnapped while walking home from school in 1972. He had his name changed and was held captive and until his kidnapper snatched another little boy seven years later and Steven and the new victim escaped. This is a real and horrible story about a young boy who was abused and told that his family didn’t want him anymore. When he finally returned to them seven years later, his life and his family had changed forever. And that’s not even the half of it. This three-part series presents the story and parts of the movie made about it, using the now-grown actors to read some of the lines. If ever there was a doubt that truth is stranger than fiction, this story proves it. 3 cans.
89.  Good Luck to You, Leo Grande* (2022, Hulu) – The great Emma Thompson stars as Nancy in this revealing portrait of a retired widow seeking the sexual fulfillment that was missing from her orderly, predictable 31-year marriage. She hires Leo Grande (Daryl McCormack), a handsome, accommodating sex worker who is happy to please her. Nancy initially is awkward both in explaining her goals and in getting started in achieving them, but Leo is soothing and patient. They share the details of their lives, how they ended up together in a hotel room, as they get to know each other (in every sense, including Biblical). This story is not about an older woman falling for a younger man. It is about realizing the disappointments of life and living to your fullest potential – at least sexually. Thompson makes a bold choice at the end of the movie that makes her like every woman over the age of 50 and should garner her an Oscar nomination this year. 4 cans.
90.  Fracture (2007) – I rewatched this movie for the umpteenth time with a friend who had never seen it and who was extremely tuned into the plot. Ryan Gosling is Willie Beachem, a confident assistant prosecutor in LA with one foot out the door on his way to a cushy job in a private firm when he gets a case that seems open and shut. There’s a confession and the murder weapon, which should make prosecuting easy for him. But Ted Campbell (Anthony Hopkins) is smarter than everyone in the room. He is accused of shooting his cheating wife, who is now on life support. Can the confession be used? Do they really have the weapon? How much can Ted get under Willie’s skin? This suspenseful, clever drama is worth watching – even if you have seen it previously. Pay attention to the details! 4 cans.
91.  Top Gun - Maverick* (2022, in the movies) – If you saw the original “Top Gun” in 1986, you might wonder why the producers waited so long to make this sequel. This one is full of the Tom Cruise brand of machismo, motorcycles and big, slick fighter jets thundering through the sky. Cruise is again Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, ace fighter pilot, but a guy who has never advanced beyond the rank of Naval Captain because he was gotten himself into hot water more than once with the higher-ups. He still brims with confidence in his abilities, but he is much less smug now that he’s older and more mature. He is given the task of training a squadron of top pilots for a mission that seems impossible. He might, in fact, be the only pilot capable of executing the mission and surviving. Among the crew is “Rooster” (Miles Teller), the son of his former flying partner “Goose,” a young, gifted pilot who resents Maverick’s role in his father’s death and whom he blames for stopping him from attending the Naval Academy. The love interest is Jennifer Connolly, a woman with whom Maverick has had a long-time relationship, but their scenes together aren’t even R-rated. Beach volleyball has been replaced by beach touch football, but the beautiful bodies abound. There is even diversity in the squad this time around. And then there’s Mav’s one-time opponent and now friend and protector “Ice” (Val Kilmer), an admiral whose support has kept Maverick from getting tossed out of the Navy. If you like action, there is plenty of it, with jets launching off carriers and flying in tight windows and up mountains, being chased and shot at and bombed. If you see it, go to the movies for the big screen and the sound that makes your seat practically vibrate! I found it exhilarating! 4 cans.
92.  Elvis* (2022, in the movies) – A star is born in this biopic about the King, Elvis Presley, as actor Austin Butler explodes on the screen in the title role as the shy, talented singer heavily influenced by his southern roots and Black R&B and gospel artists. He is a hunk a hunk of burning love who, when he first appears on stage, clad in a bright pink suit, lips snarling, hair greased up, eye makeup on, provocatively gyrating his hips, is already achieving legendary status. In the house that first night was promoter Colonel Tom Parker (Tom Hanks in a thankless role, encumbered by prosthetics to look like the doughy, older man who almost managed to ruin Presley’s life). Parker did what was best for himself to support his gambling habit, selling out Presley’s future for his own benefit. Director Baz Luhrman’s vibrant visual style delivers a sensory overload for the viewer, a movie bursting with color and sound. My friend and I stayed all through the credits to see sang the songs and we were excited to see that Butler did much of his own singing (and there is plenty of it). When he was good, Presley was very, very good, but when the excesses of his life caught up to him, they brought him down in spectacular fashion. I predict a Best Actor nomination for Butler. See this one in the movies. 4 cans.

Mid-Month Miscellany

What makes us think a straw can break a camel’s back? They look sturdier than that to me.

It is hard not to be judgmental when so many people around me are just wrong.

One of the best things about living in NJ (and yes, there are a few great things – the Shore, Jersey corn, not having to pump your own gas) is the Jersey tomato. We are spoiled by the fresh, luscious, red tomatoes of the summer, but that also means that we cannot tolerate orange, mealy tomatoes from the supermarket or served in a restaurant out of season. If I order something with tomatoes, whether it be a salad or a tomato on my burger, I expect a delicious piece of fruit – especially in season. If you grow tomatoes, they all come at once late in the summer, and then you end up giving them away because you have too many. When that happens, just call me. I’ll gladly benefit from your crop!

Alert the news media – I opened the package of Tide Pods today without scissors for the first time. I don’t understand how these things pose a danger to children unless the package is left wide open and in easy reach, because I can’t open them! And I can barely reach the shelf where I store them.

I’m SO TIRED that I considered going to the movies just so I could take a nap, but I thought “Top Gun” might be too loud for me to sleep through. Besides, I can put on a movie here and fall asleep for free! Anything on the Smithsonian Channel usually does the trick for me.

Could somebody PLEASE beat Bobby Flay? Contestants come on his Food Network program and challenge him to make their own specialty – sometimes something he has never heard of – and he ends up beating them at their own game!

Remember when a gallon of ice cream was actually a gallon of ice cream? My container says it is a quart and a pint, a far cry from a gallon. And they have the audacity to list the servings per container as nine. Who gets nine servings out of that tiny tub? 

Why is it that I like root beer and birch beer but not beer beer?

I had leftovers for dinner tonight, one of my favorite meals. I love leftovers; they are an instant replay of something either I made or bought and enjoyed the first night and I can eat them without the mess I made cooking something the previous night. I don’t understand the rejection of good food that only needs to be reheated (yes, Barbara Broggi, you know who I mean).

Speaking of making a mess while cooking, I have a rule that that I won’t cook on the day when the cleaning service comes. The kitchen looks so clean and pristine once they are done that it is a shame to cook and mess up the stove all over again. So, on cleaning day, give me leftovers, a bowl of cereal or a tuna sandwich – on a paper plate! And bring on the leftovers!

My idea of gardening is to go to the garden center, buy plants and call Pedro, my landscaper, to plant them. I stay clean, the garden looks lovely and Pedro makes money. That’s a WIN-WIN-WIN in my book!

As I was addressing an envelope recently, it occurred to me that the 9-digit Zip code has never really taken off – at least for those of us writing addresses on cards and letters. Sure, you see it on bills and official correspondence, but for the rest of us, it was as universally ignored as the metric system.

If you can’t remember when we used to have to lick postage stamps, then you are probably too young to be my friend.

If you have a friend to whom you can say, “Remember that place we went and we saw that guy…?” and the person not only knows what you are talking about but can fill in the blanks, hold on to that person. As the Simon & Garfunkel song says, “Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you.

Every time I open the double doors of the refrigerator at the same time, I am reminded of Loretta Young entering a room. And if you are old enough to get that reference, you are old indeed!

I never knew what “crepey” skin was until I caught an infomercial with actress Jane Seymour explaining it (and hawking some cream to treat it). Great, now I need to fix a problem I didn’t know I had.

At my recent pedicure I was appalled at the amount of hair I missed when I shaved my legs prior to the appointment. I guess I need better lighting and my glasses in the shower. And yes to the question, "Do you still shave your legs?"

One of my more senior aqua aerobics ladies took a Facebook quiz recently that asked: “What is the oldest thing in your house?” Her response: “Me!” She’s 85.

Please be on the lookout for an errant gray sock. One managed to escape its mesh-bag prison and is now reported missing. His partner is inconsolable. I may have forgotten to fully close the zipper on the bag, leading to this possible tragedy. Ok, Ok, it WAS me. The sock didn’t slip out on its own now, did it? But it was NOT intentional on my part. If you see it, there is no reward beyond relief and happiness by me and the other sock that stayed behind. UPDATE: The sock has been found and reunited with its partner. Oh, happy day!

Why do I torture myself by watching “American Idol?” Now that the contestants can again appear on stage instead of performing on their back porches with a ring light, and with the number of really talented performers selected for the competition, I had high hopes. Not that the winner lacks talent – the young man can sing, even if I can hardly understand a word – but he is devoid of personality and charisma. On the finale, he was wearing a suit for just the second time in his life. And now he will be performing out on the road, following the path of such forgettable champions as Kris Allen, Philip Phillips, and others whose names I actually have forgotten. He has the potential to be eaten alive by show business. The woman he beat will go on to a very successful career as a performer who can sing, write her own songs, play guitar and command a stage. She should have won. America – you blew it.

Since we live in the age of online communications, why do I still feel inundated by paper? Recently I brought my estimated taxes file from 2008 to the UPS store to be shredded along with tons of other stuff I no longer need or want, some of which is now in the pile for recycling. My own shredder would have taken forever and gotten overheated had I done the shredding at home.

A dear old friend was cleaning out her house recently and came across a letter I wrote to her in 1986. I was flattered that she kept it for so long and that it was still special and meaningful to her. I’m equally flattered that she has kept me that long as a friend, but, in reality, we go back to the fall of 1969, when she showed up in my dorm room at Douglass looking for hangers. Who knew that would lead to a friendship of 50+ years? And I don’t even think I gave her the hangers.

I just celebrated my 50th college reunion, which happened on the same weekend as the 100th Anniversary of the creation of the Associate Alumnae of Douglass College by the initial graduating class in 1922. And all of the members of the Class of 1972 will turn 72 this year. That’s a lot of numerical coincidences! It was great to see classmates at the Reunion, to be inducted into the Vanguard Society for all alumnae who graduated at least 50 years ago, and to march into the Chapel with other milestone classes and hear everyone cheering. And we topped that experience with the AADC’s 100th Anniversary Gala. I served as the emcee, charged with making people laugh and moving things along. There were about 350 people on hand to celebrate, and most of us had not seen each other because of the pandemic since 2019 or even longer. Everyone was all glammed up and looking their best, to the point where I didn’t even recognize some of them initially! There were people with canes on the dance floor, and our oldest guest was 101! I’m thrilled to have been a part of such a memorable occasion with so many of my alumnae sisters and friends. But let’s not do this again next year. I’m bushed!