Saturday, August 15, 2020

Cruel, Cruel Summer

It is good to set yourself some goals. My current goal is to sit on every chair in this house. I have been living here for nearly five years and I haven’t done that yet. I already reached my previous goal, which was to figure out how to turn the overhead fan in the family room on and off. I have modest goals.

I recently had tests for COVID and antibodies right here in my town. The tests were free and the lines not long. Having someone stick the swab up my nose was ok, and the blood draw was fine, but no one told me I would have to divulge my height and weight! I also had my temperature and blood pressure taken and my heart and lungs checked. I waited a week to find out that I am a negative person, and I’m positive I want to stay that way!

In my next life I am coming back as someone rich enough to have a chef AND a nutritionist, people to plan, cook and serve my meals and then someone to clean up afterwards so all I have to do is sit back and enjoy the wonderful, healthy food. "Tina’s Diner" is getting really old after so many months of taking inventory, planning, shopping, storing, cooking and cleaning up. My mother used to get mad at us when we nagged her, “What’s for dinner?” in those whiny, annoying kid voices. “What am I running here, Sylvia’s Diner?” she would reply. I get it now, Ma, I get it.

I hardly ever use mustard. I don’t even like it on my hotdogs. So every time I do use it, I have to check the expiration date to make sure it is still good (and stop telling me that date is just the “sell by” date and not the “use by” date; I know, I know). I squirted a few dollops into my egg salad the other day, opening up a new jar to do it. When I checked the expiration date, I realized I had five whole days to use up this container. “Alexa, put mustard on my shopping list.”

We are six months into the quarantine (or semi- at this stage), and I am still counting out squares of toilet paper, rationing paper towels and coaxing the very last bit of toothpaste out of the tube. Don’t ask me why. I can’t even answer that question.

Remember when you could go to the produce aisle in the supermarket and paw your way through the bin with cherries to find the darkest and firmest ones? Now they are all in plastic bags that weigh way more than the amount of cherries one person can eat. I usually tote a few bags to the scale for comparison purposes to try to find the smallest, lightest bag, but they are all too heavy, which means I either buy a bag and end up throwing half away or just don’t buy them at all. I miss cherries.

Two people recognized me at ShopRite recently despite the fact that I was wearing a mask and a hat. My powers of observation are not nearly as keen.

I had yet another Zoom call the other day. I changed my top, brushed my teeth and was about to give myself a spritz of perfume when I realized no one would know. And I actually put on a necklace and a pair of earrings – which meant the holes in my ears haven’t closed up yet!

I keep thinking of the Bruce Springsteen song, “Dancing in the Dark,” and the lyric, “Man, I’m so tired and bored with myself.” I’m not sure I will remember how to interact with people once restrictions are lifted across the board. And I’m pretty sure there are a few people I won’t want to interact with even when I can.

I know a few people who have been social distancing for decades. Are they introverts, recluses or just happy to avoid people? I guess they consider themselves ahead of the curve.

I have the annoying habit of jotting down a phone number but not the name associated with it or a link that I want to access without noting why. I need to work on that. 

Even Alexa is getting bored. The other day, out of the blue, she mentioned that I had not asked her to set an alarm in quite a while. I guess she hasn’t quite figured out that I’m not going anywhere.

Sometimes I feel like I spend half my time unsubscribing from emails that I didn’t subscribe to in the first place. I haven’t had a subscription to Better Homes and Gardens in a few years, but today I randomly received an email from them with recipes and an opportunity to get even more email from them. Where’s that UNSUBSCRIBE button?

Of course, if you order something – anything – and provide your email info, you can count on getting updates on the order and regular promos and messages from the company daily/weekly/monthly until you unsubscribe. 

If I did have to travel now, it would take me even longer than usual to pack. I’m not sure I would remember how.

Not that I plan to go on a cruise in the near future (or maybe ever again), but gone are the days of the all-you-can-eat buffet. I cannot imagine standing on a line with people grabbing food randomly. And at my next birthday, no candles in the cake, please!

I am not even wearing a watch anymore. I’m home most of the time, surrounded by clocks, with the time displayed on my phone, and does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?

My kitchen clock stopped working a few months ago and I took it off the wall, intending to find a place to have it repaired (it was my 25-year gift from J&J, so it has sentimental value), but I don’t know if anyone is providing that service right now. I wish I had a dollar for every time I looked at that blank space on the wall – because then I would have enough money to buy a new and better clock, one that works, assuming that I will feel safe enough to leave the house and venture into a store other than ShopRite, where I know they sell sheets and towels and where I bought my new TV (at a bargain price), but where I doubt they have a selection of clocks from which to choose. 

My ability to concentrate has improved from the initial shock of the lockdown, so I am reading more now. There is something truly wonderful about finding a book that you really love and can’t put down. “One more chapter,” you tell yourself as you squeeze out extra time to read. It could be the story, the characters or the setting, no matter. You savor every page even as you rush through it to see what happens, and then you are sorry when you have finished. Settling down with an engrossing book is just such a pleasure!

I always buy striped sheets so I don’t have to figure out which way they go on my bed.

You know what is annoying? You search for ONE THING online and you see a torrent of Facebook ads for that or similar items. And the ads often say, “Last Chance,” “Only a few left,” or other things to get you to buy NOW. And yet they run the same ad with the same “special discount price” for weeks or longer. 

I’m so happy to have real sports back on the air (no more Cornhole Tournaments for me), but I had to watch three different channels to see three different WNBA games on opening day, and I had trouble finding the Yankees game. I wish they still had all of their games on one network and that Michael Kaye was the announcer for every Yankee game. It is sure strange to watch sports with no live spectators in the stands. Will every foul ball remain where it lands for eternity?

I never realized how many stupid and racist people there are in this country. It’s like being pregnant – until you show, no one knows, and it’s not like someone is going to say, “Guess what? I’m really stupid,” or “I’m a racist,” although most people who are either will deny it. Now it’s right out there for everyone to see.

By the way, if you believe that coterie of quack doctors who advocate the use of hydroxychloroquine and talk about demon sex, I suggest you follow their advice completely, take their supposed cure, down a big gulp of bleach, shine a flashlight up your butt and serve as the guinea pigs for this kind of treatment of COVID-19. And make sure your will is up-to-date.

I’ll end on a serious note. Here we are, well into our sixth month of mostly quarantine, enduring a long, hot summer, and still facing restrictions on social gatherings (and I’m not blaming the governor for that call). The tennis courts and pool in my what used to be my “active” adult community remain closed, as does our clubhouse, with the gym, indoor pool, billiards and card rooms. You can go to the town library – but you can only stay for 15 minutes. Movie theaters are closed, and while Kohl’s and the mall are open, I would not venture to either place. My neighbors and I have had an outdoor book club meeting once but are using Zoom most of the time to discuss what we have read. I am personally still leery of doing anything as simple as dining outside – although I know many people have switched to that model. Yes, plenty of people have loosened their personal restrictions, but we each have to do what makes us feel comfortable, and I’m not ready yet to go out for anything other than takeout and necessities. I just can’t put a trip to Chico’s in that category. I’m still afraid we will be on lockdown again because the idiots at the shore who have 500-person parties usually cause infection rates to spike. I’m staying busy with my alumnae work, and I’m reading and writing, going to webinars and watching plenty of TV shows and movies, but I’m missing the joys of life as I spend so much time alone. I worry about my friends who are teachers, about other’s children, and about myself. I mourn the 160,000 people who have died from COVID and my heart breaks for their families. I miss my friends and their hugs. Like everyone else, I wish I knew when this will end.

 

Saturday, August 1, 2020

Tina's July 2020 Movies & More

July was my month for documentaries, and I watched a bunch of them, including one 13-part series that I binged in a single day. From the paintings of Van Gogh to football at a community college to Jews being funny, this month had it all. Programs not previously seen are marked with an asterisk and numbering picks up from previous months. Ratings go from 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 being the best.

95.  The Morning Show* (2020) – Jennifer Anniston does outstanding work in this Apple TV+ series, along with co-star Reese Witherspoon, as the anchors of a morning news TV program. The series centers around what happens to the show and all of the people responsible for its production when co-anchor Mitch (Steve Carell) is suddenly fired for sexual misconduct (a la Matt Lauer), and popular co-anchor Alex Levy (Anniston) is left to pick up the pieces. I don’t want to give away the plot of this 10-parter, but it is not a light and frothy look at TV. It gets behind the scenes and under the covers with people who manipulate, cajole and seize power. It also shows the enormous impact TV performers have and the massive fortunes they are paid. I really liked it and look forward to Season 2 next year. 4 cans and one big caveat: Unless you have an iPad or an actual Apple TV, this show is tough to watch. I tried two tablets, two smart TVs and even an app to “cast” from my phone to my brand new LG Smart TV, and nothing worked. I could watch it on my laptop, but I could not hook that up to my big TV. It was such a pain that I broke down and bought an iPad – but I finished watching the show on my phone before it arrived. So just know that if you watch it on your phone it will gobble up your data. I actually had to change my plan because I had exceeded my data limit for the month in less than a week. Consider yourself warned! 
96.  50-50 (2011) – Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays 27-year old Adam, who finds out that the persistent pain in his back is caused by a rare form of cancer in his spine, as his unfeeling doctor reveals. He takes the news well, trying to make things more palatable for the people who care about him – his girlfriend Rachel (Bryce Dallas Howard), his mother (Angelica Houston) and his BFF, a dude named Kyle (Seth Rogen). But his research reveals that his prospects for survival are only 50-50, and, with that knowledge and the chemo treatments he suffers through, he begins to understand his reality. Anna Kendrick plays a young, inexperienced therapist who works with Adam on anxiety and coping mechanisms. Gordon-Levitt plays the role with good humor and equanimity, while Rogen is the hyper friend urging him to use his condition to get sympathy and sex from other women (after his girlfriend dumps him because his cancer is too hard on her). The movie’s charm is a direct result of Gordon-Levitt. The story is based on a real-life case that involved a writer who was a friend of Rogan’s.  3½ cans.
97.  If You’re Not in the Obits, Eat Breakfast* (2017) – That is sage advice from eternal funnyman Carol Reiner, who passed away this month. This is Reiner’s tribute to the importance of vitality in keeping people in their 90s active and happy. Included are some of Reiner’s famous friends and contemporaries, like still-dancing Dick Van Dyke, hilarious Mel Brooks, Norman Lear, Betty White, Tony Bennett, and a bunch of ordinary folks who do extraordinary things in their 90s, from competing in running races to sky-diving. You can only hope to live out your days doing what you love to do and still have friends and family to share their time with you. Van Dyke, Brooks, White and the others are national treasures, and we are blessed to have enjoyed so many of them for so long. Thanks, Carl Reiner, for the funny memories.  4 cans.
98.  The Whole Truth* (2016) – Keanu Reeves plays Richard, an attorney with a tough case to try. He represents Michael (Gabriel Basso), a teenager accused of killing his father with a knife. But Michael won’t talk to Richard to tell him what happened. Was the father (Jim Belushi) abusing his wife, Michael’s mother Loretta (Renee Zellweger)? Is there any evidence? Were there any witnesses? A young attorney joins the defense team (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), but she causes tension with Richard, whose strategy might be failing. A tense drama and worth a look. I can’t say more without revealing the plot.  3½ cans. I found it available for free in the On Demand movies on Xfinity.
99.  Hamilton* (2020) – The long-awaited video of the hit Broadway musical “Hamilton,” recorded with the original cast in 2016, finally makes it to the home theater – and it was worth the wait. Created by the crazy-talented Lin-Manuel Miranda, the hip-hop musical tackles the unlikely subject of its namesake, Alexander Hamilton, and his role as a founding father of the US, all done with music and dancing and minimal but brilliant staging. I detected hints of “Les Miserables” in the story-telling, but this theatrical bombshell is a far cry from conventional Broadway entertainment. The plot is way too complex to rehash here; just know that there is revolution and betrayal and, oh yes, a famous duel. The actors are almost exclusively people of color, and each one is given a chance to excel. Of course, seeing it at home cannot replicate the excitement of a live performance in a big theater, but it does have the advantage of no lines for the restroom at intermission. And I watched with closed captioning on because the lyrics tell the entire story and they and the action are hard to follow. I thought it was too long in giving everyone a chance to shine, but that’s quibbling – like saying the champagne had a few too many bubbles. It is certainly not everyone’s taste, but “Hamilton” provides a musical civics lesson unlike anything we learned in school.  4 cans. Only available through the subscription service Disney Plus, but paying $6.99 for a month (and you can cancel any time) is a bargain compared to getting – if you can and if Broadway ever reopens – tickets to the Broadway show.
100.  David Foster: Off the Record* (2020) – If you have heard songs by Celine Dionne, Josh Groban, Michael Buble, Earth Wind & Fire, Barbra Streisand, you are probably familiar with David Foster’s work as a music producer. Nominated for something like 47 Grammys as a producer or songwriter, Foster has amassed his share of wins. When I think of his work, one song comes to mind: “I Will Always Love You,” a Dolly Parton song performed in the movie “The Bodyguard” by Whitney Houston. It created an unforgettable moment, starting with the first verse sung a capella – something Foster initially opposed. He has discovered talent (he saw Buble perform at a wedding and hired him on the spot) and coaxed the best performances out of each performer. This Netflix documentary reminded me of how prolific he has been and how much I have loved his work. 4 cans.
101.  All of Me (1984) – After Carl Reiner’s death, I wanted to watch one of my favorite Reiner movies. This comedic romp is amusing, silly and lighthearted, a great representation of Reiner’s work. Steve Martin is boring lawyer Roger Cobb, who would rather be doing his side gig – playing in a band – than be in his law office. He is dispatched to the deathbed of haughty millionaire Edwina Cutwater (Lily Tomlin), a woman who is too angry at life to die. She has decided that her soul will live on in the attractive body of her stablemaster’s daughter Terry (Victoria Tennant) with the help of a madman mystic played by Richard Libertini. The plan goes awry when her soul is instead transported to Roger’s body, where the two must somehow share the space. Martin’s tremendous physical comedy gifts are on full display as he tries to control both sides of his body, and the results are hilarious. The dance at the end shows two comedy legends at their best, directed by the deft hand of Carl Reiner. 3½ cans.
102.  Hamilton: One Shot to Broadway* – Now that I have seen the movie of the play “Hamilton,” I decided that this documentary on Prime Video would be a good accompaniment. The film showcases Hamilton’s creator Lin-Manual Miranda, starting when he was a student of musical theater, leading though his debut production of the Broadway show “In the Heights” and through the development and smash hit “Hamilton.” It took him a year just to write the title song. Just when Broadway was settling for “jukebox” musicals, using a band’s music and creating a story told through the songs (such as “Jersey Boys” and “Mamma Mia”), along comes Manuel and a totally original concept using hip-hop music and predominantly Black and Latinx actors to tell the story of the birth of the United States. This film gives the show great context and background. And it is free to watch if you have Prime Video as part of your Amazon membership. 3½ cans.
103.  The Painting Life of Vincent Van Gogh* (2008) – This languorous look at the work of Vincent Van Gogh traces his travels, from his birth in The Netherlands to his death in France. At all of the stops in between, he created first drawings, then paintings – some 1900 works – in a mere 37 years of life. He was largely supported by his younger brother Theo and few of his works sold in his lifetime. Those same paintings today are worth millions, hang in museums and bring acclaim to a troubled artist. The folklore around Van Gogh’s cutting off his own ear may not be accurate; he lived with fellow artist Paul Gauguin at the time and the two frequently clashed, so Gauguin may have had something to do with the errant ear. This film has a wonderful technique, positioning the camera in the spot where you can see precisely what is in the paintings (in locations where the original buildings and scenes still exist). Van Gogh may have been suffering mental problems and spent time in an insane asylum, but even that didn’t affect his prodigious output. Sometimes he produced a painting a day. I couldn’t help but wonder where the paintings went, because he moved around too often to carry them with him. This film turned out not to be the Van Gogh movie I wanted to see, but I am glad I watched it. Available on Prime Video. 3½ cans.
104.  Footloose (1984) – I couldn’t resist another go-around with Ren McCormick (Kevin Bacon) and the kids in a small, midwestern town where dancing is not allowed.  But Ren teaches his awkward friend Willard (Chris Penn) to dance, romances the daughter of the preacher (Lori Singer and John Lithgow), and gets the whole, dull town (including Sarah Jessica Parker) to kick up their heels again. Considering that these kids were banned from dancing, they are damn good at it when the Big Dance comes along. This is a fun, music-filled movie that makes me smile every time. 4 cans.
105. Country Strong* (2010) – Gwyneth Paltrow plays Kelly Canter, a revered country singer trying to make a comeback after a stint in rehab for her alcohol issues. She had met Beau Hutton (Garrett Hedlund), an aspiring country star and rehab employee, during her time there and sees a big career for him, even though he is content playing honkytonks.  Her manager/husband James (Tim McGraw) wants her out on the road, even though she is clearly not ready for primetime. But he has his eye on young singer Chiles Stanton (Leighton Meester) as a possible replacement. When the quartet hit the road, the question is whether Kelly can stand up to the spotlight, resist her budding relationship with Beau, tolerate the young erstwhile replacement and her husband and get over the death of her unborn child from an accident she had on stage while drunk.  The description is more interesting than the movie. The country songs are just OK and I figured out the ending. Overall, I’d say that “Country Strong” is a little weak. 3 cans.
106.  The Paper* (1994) – Director Ron Howard races through 24 hours in an NYC tabloid newspaper. The publisher (Glenn Close) is interested in cutting costs while the editor (Michael Keaton) is interested in landing a big story on the front page that he stole from another paper – where, ironically, he was offered a better, more stable job. He is also waiting for the birth of his new baby with his wife (Marisa Tomei), a reporter who understands the business but is still ticked off that hubby is never around for dinner. Along the way, the combination of drama and comedy intended here morphs into silliness that includes firing a gun in the office and at a bar, fist fights between unlikely combatants, and the assignment of a key story to a rookie staff photographer who looks 14. The acting is good, the direction is appropriately frenetic, but the story seemed a little over the top to me (as did Keaton, who had that tendency earlier in his career). Not one of Howard’s bests.  3 cans.
107.  The Line King: The Al Hirschfeld Story* (1996) – If you have ever been in Sardi’s, or if you read about movies and theater in The New York Times, you probably have seen the iconic artwork of Al Hirschfeld. His distinctive line drawings, while appearing simple, were complex portraits of celebrities and notable figures whose main characteristics he was able to capture in his unique ability to create art. I have one of his prints – of Lucille Ball – hanging in my house. Although he had the ability as an artist to paint, he preferred the field of caricature, and NOBODY did it better. His work, replete with hidden “Ninas” – a bow to his daughter whose name he worked into all of his pieces – is instantly recognizable. The Department of Defense studied his “Ninas” to see how to identify objects that were camouflaged. He was a prodigious artist with a very long career that began back in the 1920s and continued until his death at age 100. He was able to capture the essence and energy of a person or a huge assemblage of performers with black lines on a white paper in a way no one will be able to replicate.  3½ cans. You can find this documentary on Amazon Prime Video.
108.  In & Out – Greenleaf, Indiana, is shaken to its mushy core when beloved English teacher Howard Brackett is outed by a former student during his Oscar acceptance speech. After all, Brackett (the immensely talented Kevin Kline) is just about to marry his long-time love Emily (the underrated Joan Cusack), so he can’t possibly be gay. Or can he? There is his Barbra Streisand fetish, the fact that he picked out Emily’s bridal gown, and the three-year engagement and wait before, well, never mind. When TV reporter Peter Malloy (Tom Selleck) comes to town to cover the story, Howard is less sure about himself than ever. I don’t want to reveal the plot of this comedy gem, but Cusack gets off two of the best lines. There is a treasure trove of supporting actors – Debbie Reynolds, Wilfred Brimley, Bob Newhart and Matt Dillon as the actor who gets the rumor mill cranking. I think this movie is hilarious.  4 cans.
109.  Dirty John: The Betty Broderick Story* (2020) – Last year, USA Network introduced “Dirty John” starring Connie Britton and Eric Bana and based on the true story of a man who deceived, married and abused women. This year they have franchised the name to include another drama based on a true-life incident. Betty Broderick (played by Amanda Peet) was a supportive wife and mother who helped put her husband Dan (Christian Slater) through medical and law school while having babies and miscarriages. When he finally became wealthy, Dan resented Betty’s spending and constant jealousy. He finally left her for the office receptionist, which literally drove her crazy. Betty was selfish and driven to the brink by Dan’s actions (or inactions) toward her.  She harassed her former husband and the woman who became his wife and wouldn’t give them a moment of peace. Betty and Dan used the children as pawns in their game to outwit each other. This multi-part series was intriguing in what it says about relationships and mental illness. SPOILER ALERT: She broke into Dan’s house and shot and killed him and his wife in their sleep (which you find out early on). So: Is she a mentally abused woman, a deranged woman or a premeditated murderer?  3½ cans.
110.  Showbiz Kids* (2020) – Director Alex Winter – who was either Bill or Ted in “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” eons ago (Keanu Reeves played the other one) – delves into the lives of mostly young adults who started as showbiz kids. Idolatry is not all it is cracked up to be, folks. These kids started in show biz very young, some bearing the burden of being the breadwinner for their families, and never had a chance for a normal life. Instead of being in school or playing with friends, they spent their time going to auditions and being judged on every aspect of their looks and appeal. Some went on to successful show biz careers as adults, but others tell of being molested by adults in their lives and suffering from substance abuse issues. The familiar faces are Henry Thomas (“ET”) Evan Rachel Wood (“13” and “Once & Again”), Todd Bridges from “Different Strokes,” and Mara Wilson of “Mrs. Doubtfire,” among others. Imagine being 15 and being eviscerated by a nasty review of a bad movie by the esteemed Siskel & Ebert. It’s a hard knock life. 3½ cans. Available on Netflix.
111.  The Staircase* (2018) – It all started at the end of 2001 when author Michael Peterson entered his home to go to bed and found his beloved wife Kathleen lying dead at the foot of the staircase, her body contorted and her blood splattered on the walls around her. Stunned, he called 911. The EMTs arrived and confirmed her death, and thus began a 16-year ordeal in which Mike battled authorities over his innocence in what the DA called a homicidal beating and not an accident. This documentary starts at the beginning of the story and follows the case through its conclusion so many years later. If you have 13 hours to binge-watch a program (and let’s face it, I don’t have much else to keep me busy these days) and you like real crime dramas, I recommend this one. It is too long, too detailed, too repetitive – and totally addicting. It was this year’s “Making a Murderer.” You can watch it on Netflix.  4 cans.
112.  American Murder Mystery: The Staircase* (2017) – In case the 13-part Netflix series I just watched wasn’t enough for me on this subject, I found this 3-part documentary from the ID Network on Hulu to view as a follow-up. I usually take points off for programs that contain recreations and which cast actors who resemble the original characters, but this one had enough actual footage from the case (the trial was televised) to make up for the cheesy recreations. Yes, the same story is told here, but with a few twists and some information I did not glean from the previous version. When they got to the part where the possibility of death by owl attack became a theory, I had to say “Hoo, hoo.” When I am interested in something, I go all in. 3 cans.
113.  When Jews Were Funny* (2013) – Writer-director Alan Zweibel (of “Saturday Night Live” fame) poses questions to a host of Jewish comedians about being Jewish and being funny. Some insist that their humor is not meant to be directed to a Jewish audience, and most of them celebrate the work of the comedians who came before them. If you watched Alan King, Jackie Mason and Henny Youngman on “The Ed Sullivan Show,” you can identify with the older generation of Jewish comedians. They have been supplanted by Howie Mandel, Jerry Seinfeld, Judy Gold and others in this documentary, but they strongly believe that the suffering Jews have endured in not having a homeland and surviving the Holocaust made them stronger as a people – and people who can find humor in anything (I couldn’t help thinking of Mel Brooks’ “The Producers” and its hilarious premise of a musical about Nazis). Many pointed to their grandparents with their constant kvetching (complaining) and tendency to answer a question with a question. There were stories about comics performing in the Catskills, the accents the families retained after arriving in the US from Eastern Europe and largely settling on the Lower East Side of New York, and how walking into a good Jewish deli can make one feel more Jewish. I thought Howie Mandel said it best in his broad generalization: “We complain, we eat and we’re funny.” And yes, we still are. I laughed out loud at some old jokes I had never heard. 3½ cans. On Prime Video.
114.  How Do You Know?* (2010) – I expected so much more from a film with this kind of pedigree. It stars Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson in a blustering, obnoxious role as the businessman father of Rudd, and it was written and directed by James L. Brooks of “Broadcast News,” “Terms of Endearment” and “As Good As It Gets” (all featuring Nicholson). Yet the romantic comedy was so lightweight that I was disappointed. In a nutshell, Witherspoon is Lisa, a softball player whose career has just ended. Wilson is a new love interest, a wealthy baseball player and a real ladies’ man. Rudd is a nebbishy (but endearingly cute) employee of his father’s firm who has been accused of securities fraud (he is innocent) who reaches out to Lisa for a blind date at the worst possible time, and although she is seeing Wilson, she goes anyway and they barely exchange a word. She ends up torn between the two men – hence the title. You know as soon as she meets Rudd’s character in the beginning that he will end up with her. The cast does the best they can with this material, but I knew right away that this film was going nowhere. 2 cans and a truckload of disappointment.
115.  Father Soldier Son* (2020) – This Netflix documentary was shot over a 10-year period, starting when Brian Eisch was a young father serving in the Army in Afghanistan. He was carrying on the family tradition of serving in the military and he was also raising his two young sons (staying with their uncle during his deployment) to whom he was fiercely devoted. He doted on them as much as they worried about and missed him. But when he is severely injured, everything changes for the young family. This Netflix original movie brings the war home, making the viewer have a renewed respect for the people who served in the Armed Forces and the sacrifices they and their families make. 3½ cans.
116.  The Weight of Gold* (2020) – Olympic swimming hero Michael Phelps is the force behind this HBO special on the mental health issues encountered by some of our most celebrated Olympians. These athletes train most of their lives to compete in an event that happens just every four years. Some events last 10 seconds. Imagine spending every single day of your life swimming laps in a pool, to the exclusion of practically any other activity. Imagine not winning your event or getting a last-minute injury. No wonder these dedicated athletes have trouble assimilating back into society when their time as Olympians is done. If they have won the gold medal (or multiple gold medals), they may have had lucrative contracts and endorsement deals, but if you are the silver or gold medalist or didn’t get a medal at all, who pays attention to you once your moment has passed? Phelps says he lacked any real identity for himself outside the pool and competition. A number of athletes have committed suicide, while others seek help from their governing bodies, who don’t know how best to assist them. As one bobsledder said, if she had an injury, the best doctors and therapists would be there to treat her, but when she asked for help coping with her mental health, there were multiple approvals necessary and no real plan for treatment. This documentary is very thought-provoking, as you see well-known Olympians explaining that they have no pension, no stipend, no health insurance and no resources once their competitions are over. If you are a fan of the Olympics, you may want to see this honest look at the people who compete.  3½ cans.
117.  Last Chance U* (2020) – This Netflix series is in its 5th season, and I think this is the best one yet. It is a documentary about community college football, the last chance for some players to achieve their post-high school dreams of getting a football scholarship and perhaps even going on to the NFL as pros. John Beam is the head coach at Laney College in Oakland, California, defending state champs, and a guy known for a remarkable 40-year record as a high school and now CC coach. His job extends well beyond the Xs and Os, beyond the wins and losses, to reach these young men, serve as a surrogate father, teacher and role model as he kicks their asses and makes them understand the importance of this last chance opportunity. Unlike the previous seasons of the series, where the squads were comprised of many high potential players who had flunked out or had been kicked out of prestigious college football universities, the Laney players are mostly local guys who don’t want to work at Home Depot and are giving this level of college football a shot. As with previous seasons, the show focuses on a few key players and provides in-depth looks at their backgrounds. There is the big offensive lineman who already has a wife and two young daughters, the highly skilled defensive back who commutes two hours to Laney, and the wide receiver who sleeps in his car most nights (Laney has no dorms). They are poor, hungry (literally and figuratively), and much of their success depends on being part of a winning team. It is definitely a winning series. 4 cans.

Wednesday, July 15, 2020

July 2020 Message from Tina: Mid-summer Musings

I will never understand how light bulbs get loose when you don’t touch them, how double and triple knots in my shoelaces still manage to untie, and why Tom Brady left the New England Patriots.

Two more things I will NEVER understand:  Where does lint come from and how do “soft close” drawers work?

I rely on my Alexa for a lot of things – the weather forecast, my shopping list and my calendar, among others. She also helps me to relax and sleep by playing guided meditations, music and soothing sounds. The other day she offered to play ocean sounds, a rainfall, nature sounds and silence. Silence? Really? So, I asked her to play the sounds of silence just to see what happened, and there was no noise (and no Simon & Garfunkel, either). How could I tell if she was done with the silence? When I told her to stop, there was still silence, so was that the silence sounds she was playing or the sound of nothing? All I know was that the next sound was me, laughing out loud in bed. It’s a good thing I live alone.

Has anyone actually ever died of boredom? Is there any anecdotal evidence of such a demise? Not that I have nothing to do – the To Do List doesn’t get shorter on its own, after all – but there is nothing I want to do besides the things I don’t feel comfortable doing, like meeting friends for an outside the restaurant lunch or venturing into a store for some retail therapy. I don’t want to go anywhere where it is too peopley. I even rescheduled my long-overdue dentist appointment. I’m just not ready.

Sure, this would be a great time to straighten out my list of passwords, but is that what I want to do to occupy my time? I could reorganize my office, I suppose, and it would feel great if I got that done, but there’s always tomorrow for that. And the day after that.

Even with subscriptions to Netflix, Disney+, Hulu, Peacock, HBO and Apple TV+ (Prime Video comes free from Amazon), it seems hard to find something to watch. This might be the right time to binge-watch some series like Grey’s Anatomy, that has been on the air for 20 years. I have plenty of time on my hands to do it.

The damn Hallmark network has displaced my regular morning and evening dose of "The Golden Girls" with their inane Christmas movies. This had better not last until Christmas.  

I am starting let down my guard just a tiny bit lately, like letting the handyman into the house to take care of two real emergencies. First, my TV died recently after a long illness, so he had to mount the new 50” TV on the wall of the bedroom (with my help; we both wore masks). That was a necessity. I need to see my Golden Girls in the morning! And second, he had to open the new bottle of vitamins for me. No matter how hard I tried to “push down while turning,” I could NOT get the damn bottle open. I feel stronger from taking the vitamins now, but weaker from not being able to open the bottle on my own.

When I can’t find something nowadays – my computer glasses, the case for my phone – I know they can’t REALLY be lost since I rarely leave the house. They must be here somewhere!

I think half of my newsfeed on Facebook consists of ads for facemasks. They are becoming fashion items. My latest order of 5 came in and they are so attractive, I wish I had clothes to match them.

I had a bunch of knives sharpened by someone in my neighborhood who offers that service. He did a great job, but my knives are now so sharp that they are shredding my kitchen sponges. It can’t be long before they get a finger, too.

I woke up recently convinced it was Saturday. I had to ask Alexa to learn it was actually Friday. And then I realized that it just doesn’t matter anymore.

If you watch a program called “Unsolved Mysteries,” should you be disappointed when the mystery is not solved by the end of the show?  I mean, think about the name, Tina. But I wanted to know “who done it.”

Sometimes I wish Book Bub would stop recommending books for me to read and Netflix would stop suggesting movies for me to watch, or Amazon would stop showing me things I might like to buy that are similar to other things I have bought or am buying this time. I’m starting to feel like Lucy in the candy factory with all that stuff rolling my way to consider buying!

On June 16, I finally put gas in my car for the first time since March 9. It wasn’t running on fumes yet, but I figured that gas prices – which had dropped – would be going up soon, so why not get my gas while it was less expensive? Let’s see now if I can hold off refilling the tank until the fall. I’m not planning any big trips, that’s for sure.

If all the watermelons I buy have no seeds, where will the next generation of watermelons come from? Should I be worried about that?

If the weather report calls for rain and I DON’T water the flowers, it does not rain. And if I do water the flowers, regardless of the forecast, you can usually count on rain that would have done the watering for me. I realize that this should be my biggest problem in life.

People, enough with the emojis on social media! Many new ones have been introduced, so the original ones for thumbs up or using a heart to indicate love have been greatly expanded. To me, words matter, not commercially created little symbols. While they may be fun, please don’t overuse them to the point where they detract from your message. Half the time, I can’t figure out what the emoji is supposed to represent. Less is more!

I may have signed up for a few too many Zoom sessions. I watched one about the moon recently with my legs on my desk, leaning back in my chair, and the melodious voice of “Ranger Bob” lulled me to sleep. I guess if I can’t go to the movies and sleep in the theater anymore, I’ll have to find some other place to get in my naps!

I have mastered the art of filing my nails while attending a Zoom session. I just keep my hands low and you can’t tell they are moving while I am filing. Don’t tell anyone, OK?  Thanks.

No matter how late I go to bed, I am up at 4, 5 and/or 6 every morning. No wonder I have bags under my eyes. If I go to bed earlier, I’m up at 2, 3 or 4. I can’t sleep! Except when there is a movie on. Or I am someplace where I should NOT be sleeping.

I notice when I drive now, my car instinctively stays further away from the other cars. It won’t wear a mask, but it is practicing vehicular distancing.

I have succumbed to the trend of using only one space between sentences – but only for items that will appear online. Let me tell you, a 60-year habit is tough to break.

You know what is annoying? It is that burning smell from the toaster when a crumb is caught inside. I shake it, turn it upside down and try to force the culprit to leave its position, but often to no avail. It sounds like a boulder bouncing around inside. You can’t see it or get it to fall out – but you can hear it moving around, taunting you. And if it finally becomes dislodged enough to fall out, you can’t even brag about your triumph, because no one will really care.

I must confess that my addiction to the Food Network has gotten worse during the quarantine. I can have the channel on all day, just to see if somebody finally beats Bobby Flay or whether the competitors on “Guy’s Grocery Games” can make an award-winning dish using only ingredients from two aisles. But the show I cannot stop watching is Guy Fieri’s “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” where he drives his red Camaro around the country to uncover all of the above. He goes to the most unlikely looking places that turn out to serve plenty of scratch-made food (like their own ketchup, mayo and breadcrumbs), or use recipes from the original owners. These are gourmet-quality places, often family-owned for generations, still using grandma’s meatloaf recipe or creating “Sunday gravy.” Especially now, when restaurants are off the table (so to speak), it is fun to watch people packed into small places enjoying the house specialties. I literally can’t get enough. The show is my white noise as I do whatever around the house, pausing long enough to see the incongruity of a Jewish deli in Iowa, jambalaya in Minnesota and Italian dishes in Phoenix. It all makes me hungry, but I can’t gain weight from watching, right?

Stay safe and wear a mask -- for your sake and mine!

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Tina's June 2020 Movies & More

I watched several top-flight TV series and some terrific documentaries in June along with a bunch of old and new movies. Numbering picks up from previous months and programs I had not seen previously are marked with an asterisk.  Ratings are on a scale from 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 being the highest.

79.  Lance* (2020) – This ESPN documentary about disgraced world champion cyclist Lance Armstrong comes on the heels of last month’s monumental “The Last Dance” about Michael Jordan.  There have been several previous documentaries about Armstrong in which he vehemently denied using performance-enhancing drugs.  By the time of this production, he had already confessed on “Oprah,” so the film focuses more on when he started doping, how it worked, and the feeling around the cycling community that if you didn’t dope, you were not on a level playing field because – allegedly – everybody was doing it.  I find Armstrong to be a cold, calculating liar, and I wonder if anything he says is genuine and true.  He never minded accusing his accusers and he used denial as his key defense for years.  I admire his recovery from testicular cancer that spread and almost killed him.  His resilience pushed him to recover (along with a lot of medical help) and outdo his previous cycling achievements.  In the second part of this series, he semi-excuses his behavior because of the success of his Livestrong Foundation, which sold those ubiquitous yellow rubber bracelets to raise awareness about cancer.  His foundation was supported by numerous corporate sponsors and was trusted by so many beneficiaries of its work that Armstrong felt he would risk the funding and support if he admitted to doping.  He was right.  Once he came clean – so to speak – his sponsors dropped him and funds for the foundation vanished.  Lance Armstrong was arrogant, amazing, aggressive and accomplished – not all in a good way.  But the documentary is all good. 4 cans.
80.  Queer Eye, Season 5* (2020) – This Netflix series bills itself as “More than a Makeover,” and that claim could not be more accurate.  The 10-episode series (which I watched in 24 hours) features five gay men who make over the life of one person – house, looks, place of work and attitude – leaving the person in just a few days with more self-esteem and life skills (and a beautiful home) sorely lacking previously.  Whether they are working with a 6’3” woman who owns a dog grooming business, a man preparing for his daughter’s wedding or a fishmonger from Mexico trying to open a restaurant in Philadelphia (where the show was filmed this time around), the “Fab Five” bring compassion, fashion, good taste and moral support, leaving their new friends with self-confidence.  Love this show!  4 cans.
81.  Lenox Hill* (2020) – Filmed right before COVID-19 pandemic hit New York City, this Netflix documentary series focuses on the city’s Lenox Hill Hospital, its staff and patients.  The stars of the show are two male neurosurgeons who are building the hospital’s capabilities in the field, and two female physicians, one an OB/GYN who is pregnant throughout the series and the other a DO who has a baby in an early episode.  The neurosurgeons have the high profile here, with fascinating cases of brain tumors and targeted therapies to keep their patients alive and functioning.  We see plenty of brain tumors being removed (not for the squeamish) and quite a few births – all dramatic and occasionally traumatic.  There have been several previous series with the same focus at different hospitals, and I find them all extremely interesting to follow.  I finished all eight episodes in 24 hours.  And a few weeks later, a ninth episode was added to look at the effects of the COVID-19 virus on the staff and patients in Lenox Hill Hospital.  Check it out on Netflix.  4 cans.
82.  The Good Liar (2019) – The title of this intriguing drama points to the main premise; there are plenty of lies and liars here, and good ones at that.  Helen Mirren plays a widow who meets Roy (Ian McKellan) online and the two start a relationship.  Both are older people who have lost their spouses and they seem very compatible, although she is not looking for a romantic relationship.  Turns out, neither is he.  Roy is a con man, interested in bilking the wealthy widow out of her money.  He’s done it before, and he relishes the chase in doing it again.  He’s hardly a nice, gentle older man, but it seems that Mirren isn’t merely a genteel woman, for that matter.  It’s hard to say more without spilling the beans on the plot, but it is worth seeing this movie both for the performances of these mature actors as well as for a story with twists and turns.  Cleverly done.  3½ cans.
83.  Loving* (2016) – When Richard Loving falls in love and marries Mildred in 1958 in rural Virginia, he is not aware that he and his young bride have committed a crime.  Richard (Joel Edgerton) is white and Mildred (Ruth Negga) is black, and inter-racial marriage is illegal in their home state.  They move to more progressive Washington, DC, but Mildred longs for the family she left behind and the quiet, simple life in the country.  Moving back puts them in jeopardy again, but the ACLU decides to defend them and challenge the Virginia law all the way to the Supreme Court.  This movie is based on a real story of a loving couple leading a simple life with their family.  They don’t need notoriety or fame.  They just want to be together and raise their kids.  This is an understated film which has minimal dialog, and which could have benefited from more detail.  I wanted more about how they met and fell in love, how they felt about the injustice they faced and fewer languorous shots of the fields surrounding their house.  3½ cans.
84. 13th* (2016) – Director Ana DuVernay provides this deep dive into the complexities of racial inequality, the prison system in this country, the “law & order” policies of the 1980s on that led to mass incarcerations for relatively minor offenses (possession of marijuana), the profiteering of prison management companies, the passing of legislation promoted by a lobbying group with ties to corporations that benefit from keeping prison enrollment up – all stemming from what is referred to here as a “loophole” in the 13th Amendment.  That amendment abolished slavery and guaranteed freedom – “except as a punishment for a crime.”  Out of that approach came Jim Crow laws, segregation and systemic ways to deny Black people their equal rights.  Once out of prison, they cannot vote or take advantage of other freedoms.  The participants in the show include professors, politicians and activists.  This is a lot to wrap your head around, but it all points to the disparities in the justice system and the disproportionate number of black males serving time in horrendous conditions.  Catch it on Netflix.  4 cans.
85.  Aunt Mary* (1979) – Picture “The Bad News Bears” with more heart and a more sincere, responsible adult coach, and you’ll find “Aunt Mary.”  Jean Stapleton plays the real-life Mary Dobkin, an older woman who has lived as a ward of the state all of her life due to countless medical conditions.  She and the little boy across the hall love to listen to their beloved Baltimore Orioles games on the radio, and, since Mary knows all the subtleties of the sport – like when to bunt, take a pitch and hit to the opposite field – she has the makings of a great coach.  She and young Billy recruit the neighborhood boys – some of whom are already getting into scrapes with the law – to be the Dobkin Dynamites, a rag-tag team with the coach with the heart of gold.  She includes a young boy with an amputated arm and integrates the team in this drama based on a true story.  Mary went on to coach thousands of young boys, injecting some love and attention into their lives.  Not a great movie, a bit corny, but a feel-good movie when I needed one.  3 cans.
86.  Black or White* (2015) – Here is the question:  Is an 8-year old bi-racial girl better off living with the large and loving family of her Black grandmother or staying in the place she has lived all her life with the white grandfather who loves her dearly but drinks too much?  Octavia Spencer is Rowena, otherwise known as Grandma Wiwi, and Kevin Costner is Elliott, the grandfather who raised the little girl with his wife since their daughter, the child’s mother, died in childbirth.  But when Elliott’s wife suddenly dies in a car accident, he is left in charge of the little girl.  The girl has never known her father, who, despite being from a strong family unit, has suffered problems with drugs and served time in jail.  Grandma Wiwi decides that little Eloise (Jillian Estell) would be better off with her and sues Elliott for custody.  There is a lot of anger and a lot of love on display here.  Costner is good as the loving and well-intentioned grandfather who drinks too much, and Octavia Spencer could get an Oscar just from her masterful “sideye.”  When she’s unhappy, everyone will know it.  How can these two adults compromise for the sake of the granddaughter they each love so fervently?  Good question.  3½ cans. 
87.  Every Little Step* (2008) – If you are an aficionado of musical theater and you have seen the thrilling “A Chorus Line” live, this documentary on Netflix is for you.  It recounts the behind-the-scenes work of casting a revival of the Broadway hit, Michael Bennett’s masterwork about the little-known dancers whose personal stories he wove into an unconventional and moving show.  Just as in the original show, which is about the dancers auditioning for a Broadway show, here we see dancer/singers auditioning for the revival, along with clips of the original cast.  It is a great group of talented performers and the competition is fierce to land each part.  Just listening to the stories of how it all began and recalling the individuals in the show with their music and moment to shine gave me chills.  Each of these performers face not getting a role, but they are dedicated to the craft and persistent in putting themselves in a position to be cast.  They can each say that whatever challenges they face, it is “What I Did For Love.”  4 cans.
88.  Eight Days a Week – The Touring Years* (2016) – Acclaimed director Ron Howard takes on the Beatles, using plenty of documentary footage showing the lads from Liverpool performing live everywhere from the Cavern in their hometown to Shea Stadium.  Their legendary tours of American stadiums in 1964-65 attracted throngs of screaming fans, drowning out the music and eventually disillusioning the group.  Everywhere they went, they sold out the venues, and everyone they met wanted a piece of them.  Their songs, which started with a pop innocence that reflected their youth (George Harrison wasn’t even 21 when they started touring), but their musical interests became more complex and their distaste for the road more pronounced, until they decided to stop touring completely after 1966 and stick to studio albums.  Their first one, “Sergeant Pepper,” became one of the most honored and popular albums of all time.  This movie shows us the fresh newness of the band, before they started getting more experimental and a bit jaded with always having to be The Beatles.  3½ cans.  Available on Hulu (subscription only).
89.  7500* (2020) – Since all of the action in this thriller takes place in the cockpit of an airplane, the direction and acting has to be topflight (so to speak), and here it is.  Joseph Levitt Gordon plays pilot Tobias, working with a German captain on a European flight when hijackers burst into the cockpit and injure both men.  Tobias’s arm is badly hurt, but it is much worse for the captain, who dies, leaving Tobias to land the plane safely while the terrorists bang on the door of the now locked cockpit and hold passengers – including the girlfriend of Tobias – hostage.  I couldn’t quite comprehend the point of hijacking the plane, but seeing Gordon trying valiantly to fend off the intruders and fly the jet provided plenty of action.  One young terrorist ends up in the front with Tobias and they warily work together when Tobias isn’t being tortured or restrained.  Very gripping.  3½ cans.  Seen on Amazon Prime Video.
90.  Athlete A* (2020) – This Netflix documentary is a searing look at the USA Gymnastics regime that allowed Dr. Larry Nassar to sexually abuse athletes without contacting the authorities or making any legitimate effort to stop him.  Although hundreds of young female gymnasts were his victims (they call themselves “survivors” now), and they were mostly very young and afraid to come forward.  The verbal and physical abuse of the coaches in the sport played a major role, as the girls found Nassar the only “nice adult,” someone who would sneak them food and candy behind the coaches’ backs.  As the team physician for decades, Nassar had access to hundreds of these young athletes, most of whom suffered injuries as a consequence of the physical demands of the sport.  The gymnasts didn’t understand that his manipulations of their bodies should not have included touching them inappropriately, and it was only when they talked among themselves that they realized they were being abused.  Parents who reported the abuse to Steve Penny, the head of USA Gymnastics were told it would be handled by the organization and it was not reported to law enforcement as required.  It took several brave gymnasts and the Indianapolis Star newspaper to uncover the droves of athletes violated by Nassar and failed by the system.  This is a sad story but with a justified ending.  But though Nassar is out of the picture as he lives the rest of his life behind bars, how long will these victims suffer the consequences of his behavior?  4 cans.
91.  Gloria: A Life* (2020) – Christine Lahti brings iconic women’s activist Gloria Steinem to life in this PBS “Great Performances” program about Steinem’s life and career.  A troupe of players portray the women who both influenced her and worked with her as she became a writer, a feminist, a magazine publisher (when she created Ms. Magazine) and a role model for generations of women.  Now in her 80s – and fielding questions from the audience after the conclusion of the play – Steinem has argued, marched, combated and conquered in her quest for equality.  Yes, times have changed, but women and other marginalized communities still have a long way to go – and Steinem is still leading the way.  A bravura performance by Lahti and creative staging and acting by the ensemble.  4 cans.
92.  The Remains of the Day (1993) – I have seen this outstanding film numerous times, but I felt more of the political story rather than the love story this time around.  It is set in the 1930s at the Darlington Estate in England, where Lord Darlington fancies himself as a political influencer in the years before World War II.  The house is run with great efficiency and dedication by Mr. Stevens (Anthony Hopkins in one of his best roles).  He is assisted – and sometimes confronted – by Mrs. Kenton (Emma Thompson), the housekeeper, who turns out to be a worthy foe and a woman he really would like to have in his life.  On the diplomatic front, Darlington hosts gatherings of “important” people who sympathize with Hitler and his henchmen.  Stevens stays out of the politics; his loyalty is to the master of the house and his service.  He won’t allow himself to listen to the discussions any more than he would break the house rule on dalliances among the staff.  He is so single mindedly dedicated to his job that he barely blinks when he is informed that his father, who is part of the staff, has passed away in an upstairs servant bedroom.  The byplay between Stevens and Kenton is the star of the show, as this man eventually realizes that he has regrets for things that were said and left unsaid in the house he served so nobly.  The late Christopher Reeve has a small but key role as an American Congressman who eventually purchases the estate.  4 cans.
93.  AKA Jane Roe* (2020) – This FX documentary on Norma McCorvey, the “Jane Roe” in the landmark Roe v. Wade legislation that made abortion legal in the US, is illuminating.  A poor, uneducated woman seeking an abortion, Norma was used by the pro-choice advocates to win the Roe v. Wade case in the Supreme Court.  As an advocate for abortion, Norma was miffed when celebrities were introduced at a rally supporting the right to choose and she was not featured.  Although she publicly supported the cause, even working as a counselor in an abortion clinic, she was courted by the Christian antiabortion movement, and was a relatively easy target for conversion when they deliberately moved into an office adjacent to her clinic.  She professed to be “born-again,” renounced homosexuality despite the fact that she was a lesbian, and she was exploited by the Christian right as an anti-abortion spokesperson.  As she approached her impending death, she confessed that she was paid by the anti-abortion leaders to be the face of THEIR movement, flipflopping from her notoriety as Jane Roe and a supporter of Roe v. Wade.  My conclusion is that Norma supported whatever Norma felt gave her the best advantage and that in her heart, she wanted women to have the right to choose.  3½ cans.
94.   Nothing in Common (1986) – Here we have a little Garry Marshall-Tom Hanks gem.  Hanks has played in many movies I have enjoyed, but this one seems to have been overlooked since I rarely find anyone who is familiar with it.  David Basner (Hanks) is a glib, funny, charming 30-something ad exec who loves working with his team and chasing women, and he’s good at both. He’s trying to land an airline account and the exec (Sela Ward) whose father owns the company.  And then one day his mother leaves his father (Eva Maire Saint and Jackie Gleason) and David is forced to face family responsibilities, the truth about the relationship between his parents and how it has affected him.  You’d never know from this description that this movie is equal parts comedy and drama (the advertising scenes in the office draw the most comedy).  David leans on his old high school girlfriend (Bess Armstrong) for emotional support even though they have both moved on.  Gleason is terrific as irascible Max Basner, still trying to sell children’s clothes and ignoring his failing health.  David has to balance his work and family life for the first time.  3½ cans.

Monday, June 15, 2020

Tales From Quarantinaville

Surely there is a video on YouTube about how to braid your hair.  I’m not there yet, but until I finally get a haircut, I need options.

I put my hair behind my ears for the first time since my senior year in high school.  It didn’t look that good then, either.

My latest shopping list includes headbands, barrettes, scrunchies, rollers and all kinds of hair accessories to help me deal with my new, longish hair.  Not having any hair accessories on hand, I briefly considered using a binder clip, but that notion passed quickly.

My hairstyle is no longer a “hairdo.”  It is more like a “hair don’t.”  It seems to have a mind of its own, deciding one day to go neatly back and other days to flip up behind my neck. 

There should be a new TV series called, “Below the Desk.”  It would feature what people are wearing that we aren’t seeing on Zoom calls.  And thank goodness no one can see the back of my hair!  Even I avoid looking at it, and it isn’t visible on Zoom calls.

And speaking of Zoom calls, where would we be without it, FaceTime and other ways to stay connected?  Virtual church services, cocktail hours, reunions, meetings – you name it – are being conducted on these various platforms.  Hey, they didn’t have this in the 1918 flu pandemic, so let’s consider ourselves lucky!

Throughout the quarantine, I have tried to maintain some semblance of normalcy by continuing to make my bed each day, shower and wash my hair and put on a spritz of perfume.  The other day I spritzed on a bit too much before a Zoom call, but I don’t think anyone on the call noticed.

I washed my custom-made facemask and it came out wrinkled.  I thought about ironing it, and then realized that when I wore it again I would be the “Girl in the Ironed Mask.”

One thing I no longer worry about are road construction alerts. I’m not going anywhere anyway.

I have been hearing TV commercials for a Senior Dating site.  Sure, at this age, nobody wants to get dressed and go out, but is this really the time to try to meet a life partner?  Maybe people are lonely and more likely to go online to meet someone right now, but if he’s not taking me out to dinner – not a take-out, drive-by dinner – this relationship is OVER before it begins!

I have never been much of a drinker, and never at home.  Until now.  Now I can whip up a refreshing smoothie with frozen strawberries, some cling peaches, a shot of rum and some peach schnapps and be happy the rest of the day.  Another bad habit of the quarantine.

The sales of lipstick must have nosedived during this pandemic. Not only are we not going anywhere (except to attend Zoom meetings), but everyone who goes out is wearing a mask.  Or should be.  (Don’t get me started…)

The magazine and newspaper business already was on the decline. Now, with reading materials being banned from waiting rooms – where there actually ARE waiting rooms – their business will suffer even more.

Now that we are routinely wearing masks – or SHOULD BE! – we will have to rely on our eyes and eyebrows to communicate.  I wear a hat and glasses, so you can’t see much of my face at all.

Even though I have been faithfully wearing a mask since before it was required on those rare occasions when I leave my house (including when I take a walk), it is still hard to get used to seeing everyone in ShopRite with masks on.  I don’t see any time in the next few months when we won’t be wearing them.

I saw a video shot in a Staten Island supermarket where everyone was wearing a mask except one lone woman, and the crowd viciously called her out for it.  This is New York, after all, where people say what is on their minds – loudly and in no uncertain terms.  That woman – who was wrong to show up in a store without a facial covering – must have really needed a drink when she got home after practically being thrown out of the store.  She probably still needed groceries, too!

Whoever invented the break-and-bake cookie should get the Nobel Prize.  They have one for baking, right?

One of my friends pointed out that now she really could put things off until tomorrow instead of doing them today since she would be home with time on her hands.

Now we are told that we need to clean our glasses, because the sneaky coronavirus can get on them and easily be transmitted into our eyes when we touch our faces.  Can hazmat suits be far behind?  I just ordered a UV cleaner for my glasses and cell phone, another object prone to attract the cooties.  This all makes sense, but wow, it is like playing Whack-A-Mole.  You just keep trying, I guess.

And then I read that you should not keep adjusting or touching your mask as you wear it, just in case the virus is living on the outside.  Another thing to think about.

Given the sameness of each day of quarantine, I now understand Maggie Smith's line in Downton Abbey when Matthew Crawley says he can do something on the weekend.  The privileged dowager countess queries: “What is a weekend?”

In the past week I have watched random episodes of “The Donna Reed Show” (that Paul Petersen was cute!), “Bosom Buddies” with Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari, “Family” with Sada Thompson, “The Good Wife,” Season 1 and “The Bob Newhart Show.”  I’m not stuck in any particular decade, but I seem to be stuck somewhere in the past, at least in my choice of entertainment. 

When I see reports of people in other places cavorting at the beach or a bar, I’m not sure whether  to feel disdain and disappointment, jealousy or pity for when someone in the crowd gets or transmits the virus to a loved one. I know I feel sorry for the health care workers who will have to care for the patients they or their loved ones become.

You know we are still in lockdown when one of the leading stories on ESPN is the score of a rugby match in New Zealand.

My friends were planning a gathering at a local restaurant with outside seating, but I have already decided not to go.  I am afraid of the risk from interacting with the wait staff, of people moving around and not able to stay 6 feet away, of sitting in chairs previously occupied, and don’t get me started on the rest room situation.  I’ll reluctantly pass.

Recently I had to have blood work done.  Just going into the lab, trying not to touch a doorknob or handrail and having to take a seat for the blood to be drawn was scary to me.  When they asked me to provide a urine sample, I had to say no because I did not want to use a public bathroom, so the tech gave me a container to use at home and bring back.  You really have to think about EVERYTHING.

After more than 3 months in isolation, I have come to the conclusion that every day may not be a productive one.  I can’t write, edit and publish humorous material every day.  Yes, the house could be cleaner, but the lack of productivity is a result of the onset of the frustrating sense of sameness that permeates each day.  This isn’t easy, but I didn’t know it would be this hard, even for someone who has always lived alone as an adult.

Even so, most days seem to fly by, and I look at the clock at 4 and I wonder where the time went!

It just doesn’t feel right to provide this level of frivolity about our COVID-19 quarantine situation without acknowledging that more than 100,000 people have died in this country as a result of this pandemic.  I understand that everyone wants things to return to “normal” so they can live their lives, get back to work, eat in a restaurant, get their nails done and have their hair cut again.  I do, too, but I will continue to stay home as much as possible and follow every precaution recommended.  The job of placing, easing, and lifting restrictions is a difficult decision for our government officials and the medical experts they should be relying on.  This situation is unprecedented, and our government officials are not going to get everything right.  No one wants to see small businesses suffer any more.  We all want to experience an economy with full employment and thriving businesses.  But how many lives are we willing to sacrifice so that you can get your hair colored?  Is it wise to go out in public without a mask in places where masks are not required but only recommended?  Are we still in the first wave of this virus and can we expect a second wave?  When, and how bad will that be?  So many questions and so few answers.  Meanwhile, more than 100,000 husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters have died as a result of an epidemic that no one could have anticipated but which could have been better handled by those in charge – and it wasn’t.