I woke up this morning feeling itchy, achy, anxious and cranky. I’m well on my way to creating a new set of 7 Dwarfs.
I didn’t have much food in the house the other day, so I just had a sandwich for lunch. OK, it was an ice cream sandwich, but it was a sandwich…
I must confess that I am a bit skeptical when I read detailed memoirs. How can the authors recall the date, time and specifics from incidents that happened years ago (unless they took copious notes even as children)? I can’t remember what I ate for lunch. Oh, right, it was an ice cream sandwich.
In case you missed it, Heinz, the brand long associated with ketchup, now has introduced mustard. My first thought was, “What took you so long?” After all, Heinz has been selling ketchup forever; ketchup is used on hamburgers; hamburgers are often served with hotdogs; mustard goes on hotdogs. Follow the logic? I wonder whether Heinz will become the "gold" standard of mustard. And Heinz also has launched the Heinz version of “Real Mayonnaise.” Look out, Hellman’s! Heinz is coming for you, too.
I never know whether I wake up at 4 am because I have to go to the bathroom or if I go to the bathroom at 4 am because I’m up.
I’m having a good hair day, but the only person who would know that besides me is the cashier at Costco. She didn’t mention it.
I think the resemblance between chocolate chips (a very good thing) and raisins (dried up grapes) is unfair in things like cookies, muffins and scones. I’m always disappointed when what I think is a chocolate chip cookie turns out to be oatmeal raisin.
We are already living in a self-centered world, and increasingly our world is becoming more about self-service. I just found out that the two branches of Chase Bank near me will no longer offer teller services. You can use the ATM (which is the original self-service part of the bank), but you can’t cash a check, break a hundred-dollar bill or even grab a lollipop, I guess. You can start a new account, but I’m not sure how to handle my existing one without any help on hand. I already pay most of my bills online, which is about as self-sufficient as I care to be. What happens when I need to cash a check? I guess I will be forced to download yet another self-service app and take a picture of the check to deposit it electronically. This move means that I have to do more, and the people employed by the bank will be cashing unemployment checks. Just not at that branch.
Whatever happened to paper bags? The push is on to ban all plastic bags in the grocery store, and I often bring my own bags to transport my haul home, but I need paper to hold my recycling of magazines, junk mail, etc. When I find them available at the register, I notice that they are thin to the point of being flimsy, and they are barely tall enough to hold a box of Special K. How am I supposed to recycle the paper stuff without a paper bag?
The word “extraordinary” SHOULD mean really ordinary, not better than ordinary. That meaning should be UNORDINARY.
I am a victim of stalking - by a big, fat fly! For three 3 days, this persistent pest followed me around the house like a house pet -- unless, of course, there is a battalion of flies waiting in each room to buzz past my ear while I swat at them futilely! I got plenty of suggestions on how to handle this situation, from getting a cat (never going to happen) to spraying him with either starch (who keeps spray starch around anymore? I could maybe hurl a potato in his direction, but he was so fast and elusive…), hairspray or Windex (this from a friend of Greek origin, and if you know the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” you know the family patriarch used Windex to solve all of life’s problems). Finally, tuckered out from all that buzzing around and presumably thinking that I had left the house, he settled on the kitchen table, where I was able to sneak up behind him and end it all with my trusty fly swatter. I need a nap.
I am patting myself on the back for fixing the igniter on my Weber grill. I couldn’t even find the paperwork for the grill to order a new one, but I found a video on YouTube that did the trick. All it needed was a new battery. Who knew that an igniter HAD a battery? Throw the shrimp on the barbie!
It’s a good thing that no one can see or read the content in the bubble over my head when I am listening to someone drone on about something of no interest to me.
I saw a cartoon showing a CVS receipt getting stuck in multiple trees. I could do a month’s worth of shopping in Costco and the receipt would be a fraction of the length of one from CVS.
I think we all go to the supermarket for just one or two things and walk out with two bags and at least $40 poorer. And if you go to Costco, just hand them $100 as you walk in, because that’s what it will cost you when you try to leave the building. Or more. Once I went there to buy a rotisserie chicken and came out with a new set of cordless phones. All told, it cost me about $100. I still have and use the phones, and the chicken was delicious.
You know you’re getting old when you have more ice packs in your freezer than actual food.
I can’t believe I am still watching “Survivor!” But it takes me until the last two episodes to finally learn the names of the contestants.
When you are in a book club, you read books you otherwise might not have read, some of which you love, and some of which you may dislike. I was trying to force myself to read one recently that I really didn’t like and finally gave up. I figured that champion home organizer Marie Kondo would say I should stop reading because the book did not bring me joy.
I can tell when my friends have been busy all day because suddenly there will be an influx of “LIKES” on my Facebook page.
After about eight years of wearing the same glasses, it is time for a new prescription and new frames. But picking out new frames is daunting, especially if, like me, you wear glasses every day. I wouldn’t want to wear contacts or have surgery and not need glasses, since they are so much a part of me and my identity. I just don’t know yet what I want or how I look. This is a high stakes venture. Thank goodness I have a friend standing by to provide objective advice on which frames to choose.
Spring means it is time to plant flowers, but between physical ailments (back and shoulder) and general laziness, I could not do this chore on my own. One of my avid gardener friends says digging in the dirt brings her joy. I hate digging in the dirt, so instead, my landscape guy, Pedro, takes care of it for me. Pedro brings me joy.
I have to admit that I am confused about those “shaper” undergarments that are supposed to consolidate all of the fat around your middle so you can fit better into your clothes. Where does the fat go? It is still on your body but constricted in a way that probably inhibits the functionality of your working organs. But you look good, right, and what’s better than that?
As a few of my old high school friends and I strolled through our hometown, Somerville, recently, we looked at the storefronts and tried to recall what businesses used to be in those spaces. The old record store, a kid’s clothing store, a shoe store and the former Candy Kitchen are all long gone, as is the drug store where we stopped before going to the movies at the Cort Theater -- which is also gone. In their places are new kinds of businesses, including a place that provides eyelash and brow services, a barre studio, several ice cream places, bars and lots of restaurants with outdoor seating. There are fitness places and nail and hair salons, a spa and a dollar store (the closest thing we had to that was Woolworth’s 5 and Dime, but everything was cheaper then). The only place that had the right feel was an antique store, because it carried lots of the items we had in our own homes, like a meat grinder, an eggbeater (no food processors for us!), kids’ games and old telephones. Who knew that all of our junk would one day be popular and valuable?
Is there anything more annoying than when your socks slip down into your shoe? Will than happen with my new “No-Show” socks? There is much less to slip!
Friday, June 14, 2019
Saturday, June 1, 2019
Tina's May 2019 Movies
I'm branching out to include mini-series since there have been some good ones on recently. And besides, if I watch something for 4 or more hours that I might want to recommend, why not share it? If you have been here before, you know the deal: Movies are rated 1-5 cans of tuna fish, with 5 being at the top. Movies (or shows) I had not seen previously are marked with an asterisk* and numbering picks up from previous months.
58. Ask Dr. Ruth* (2019) – Who knew there was a whole genre of movies about powerful but diminutive Jewish women named Ruth who became icons in their professions? Last year was the year of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. This year brings us a documentary about renowned sex therapist, talk show guest, radio and TV host and lecturer Dr. Ruth Westheimer, best known for her frank, no-nonsense view of sex. This tiny powerhouse is relentlessly cherry and constantly on the move, even at the age of 90. The movie reveals that as a 10-year old living in Germany she was sent to Switzerland to avoid the impending Holocaust, with memories that she recounts with no tears or rancor. I was really impressed with Dr. Ruth as a woman, a researcher, a therapist and, for some time, as a single mother. I wish I had just a fraction of her energy and optimism. 4 cans.
59. Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile* (2019) – That description of executed serial killer Ted Bundy by the judge who presided over his last cases seems particularly apt. Bundy (Zac Efron), an attractive, intelligent sociopath who killed a succession of women in multiple states, acted as his own attorney, protesting his innocence and denigrating the authorities who had plenty of evidence against him. It is safe to say most people in the late 70s know the story. What I didn’t know is that Bundy had a girlfriend (Lilly Collins) who was a single mother. Even she had her doubts about Bundy early on; the coincidences of the murders and his travels, his car and his description were enough to make her call the police. But love is blind, right? And she couldn’t be sure. Bundy was more than a charming scamp. While this movie (thankfully) omits footage of the victims and what he did to them, the courtroom descriptions are quite enough. He was a killer who acted alone with violence and complete disregard for human life. The movie was well done, but aside from the girlfriend revelation and the fact that he marries an old friend while in jail because his girlfriend refuses to take his calls, there is nothing new here. 3½ cans.
60. The Mayo Clinic, Faith, Hope and Science* (2018) – This Ken Burns documentary tells the story of the founding the remarkable Mayo Clinic 150 years ago by W.W. Mayo and how this “Medical Mecca” has saved the lives of thousands of patients. The respected institution is known not only for its outstanding diagnostic work but also for its medical research and the development of new procedures, treatments and devices that keep patient care in the forefront. If you have any interest in medicine, take two hours and watch it on Netflix (or PBS, where it originally aired). 4 cans.
61. At the Heart of Gold: The USA Gymnastics Scandal* (2019) – You would have to have been living under a rock not to know about the sexual abuse scandal involving Dr. Larry Nasser, team physician of the US Women’s Gymnastics Team. Nassar used his access to the young women (some not even teenagers yet) to “treat” their athletic injuries in what could at best be called an unconventional way. His constant talking to them, taking an interest in aspects of their lives not normally shared between doctor and patient should have set off alerts that he was grooming these young ladies. This HBO documentary covers their so-called treatments in about as much detail as I could take. The crime here is not just Nasser’s; the USA gymnastics officials and administrators at Michigan State University are equally complicit for ignoring the complaints by those girls brave enough to raise them and for not enforcing the rules they devised to prevent similar incidents. This is a tawdry story with a real message – listen to kids (and people in general) who tell you something is wrong, because it probably is. Even if they cannot define it or understand it, such incidents must be pursued. Hundreds of young women suffered as a result of the inaction of the adults who should have known better. 3 cans.
62. Big Little Lies* (2018) – This HBO series seemed to me to be an updated version of “Desperate Housewives,” complete with rape, murder, infidelity and domestic violence, all amid a “Lifestyles of the Rich and Overbearing” setting in Northern California. It includes the talents of actresses and producers such as Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Laura Dern, Shailene Woodley and a host of nearly interchangeable men who are far less important as ther on-screen husbands, exes and partners. Almost everyone lives in a beautiful house, with stunning views, adorable children and secrets galore. And don’t cross some of these women or they will get you. The series debuted last year, based on a popular book by Lianne Moriarity that I had not read (which everyone, of course, insists is better than the series) and as we work our way through the trials and tribulations of the protagonists, we can count on upcoming season 2 to present more of the same. I had heard such great things about it that I felt I should watch it, and maybe I will succumb to the temptation of seeing Meryl Streep come to Monterey in the upcoming season 2, but overall, I found it just a little too pretty and superficial (despite the secrets and twists) to heartily endorse. 3 cans.
63. Perfect Bid* (2018) – There are fans and there are fanatics, and in this Netflix documentary, Ted Slauson falls into the latter category. Ted not only watches the game show “The Price is Right” faithfully (starting as a kid), he charts the price of every item featured on the show, compiling a huge databank of information that he memorized. It took Ted a couple of dozen visits to the show before he was selected to compete, but in the meantime, he gladly shared his knowledge with other contestants by calling out the prices. They could accept or ignore his answers, but those lucky folks who took advantage of his vast knowledge went home with plenty of merchandise. Ted could best be described as a nerd, a guy who can recall the price pf every item he tracked watching the show. After an absence of 10 years, Ted returned and managed to be in on a controversy about whether the show was fixed (it was not). There are worse hobbies to have, I suppose, and I DID watch this (don’t ask me why; I haven’t watched “The Price is Right” in decades), but I really wanted to tell Ted to get a life. 2 cans.
64. Shawshank Redemption (1994) – I’m not reviewing this movie, which is one of my all-time favorites, but rather extolling the virtues of seeing it for the first time in a movie theater. In case you think that size doesn’t matter, you’re wrong! Also, relishing the richness and emotional experience of this movie without the distraction of checking my cellphone, commercial interruptions or other disruptions made it that much more special. It was playing in the local theater as part of a monthly series of classics shown on the big screen. I will be glad to see other movies I may have missed in the way in which they were intended to be viewed. And this one is a winner in any format. 5 cans.
65. Easy A* (2010) – Emma Stone shines in this modern-day version of “The Scarlet Letter.” Stone plays Olive, a smart, quick-witted high school student who is nagged by her best friend to reveal that she lost her virginity, even though it never happened. The admission backfires when Olive’s “secret” gets out and she is labeled as Hester Prynne from the classic story. She plays along and exploits her image reversal for a while, until she sees that people are making nasty judgments about her that started with her little white lie. Social acceptance and the meanness of high school kids is on full display here, and Stone provides plenty of sass along with vulnerability. 3 cans.
66. Les Miserables* (2019) – By now, we all know the story of Frenchman Jean Valjean, the good-hearted but desperate man who is imprisoned for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread. He is a man of immense strength, both physically and emotionally, and once he is out of jail, he turns his life around. But he cannot escape the relentless Inspector Jauvert, whose life’s work is to see Valjean in prison once again. This 6-part, non-musical version of the classic Victor Hugo tale was presented on PBS, and it measures up or surpasses the previous versions – all of which I think I have seen. Dominic West gives a powerful performance as Valjean, with David Oyelowo as the relentless Inspector Javert and Lily Collins as the luckless single mother Fantine, whose problems are caused by Valjean, who feels responsible for her demise. This is an excellent production of the familiar tale and I enjoyed every bit of it. 4½ cans.
67. The Confirmation* (2019) – Clive Owen plays Walt, a down-on-his-luck carpenter and divorced dad of 8-year old Anthony (Jaeden Lieberher). When Anthony’s mother and stepfather (Maria Bello and Matthew Modine) leave town for a weekend, they reluctantly leave Walt in charge. Anthony has been studying for his confirmation and is wrestling with ethical and moral questions when he enters the confessional because he’s too young to recognize things that might be considered sins. By the end of the weekend, he has much more familiarity with lying, stealing and other non-biblical issues, like pointing a gun. Walt leaves Anthony in charge of his truck when he stops at a bar, and when Anthony abandons his post, Walt’s tools are stolen. The movie then becomes a father-son buddy movie, as the pair go to great lengths to find the thief and get back the tools Walt needs to get a job and make some money. The irresponsible father and the maturing boy make good and bad decisions and build a relationship they previously did not have. 3 cans.
68. Good Morning, Miss Dove (1955) – Jennifer Jones plays the title character, a taciturn schoolteacher who we can disparagingly call an “old maid.” She is devoted to her students and her craft, as we see through a series of flashbacks that show her transition from an active young woman to one who is forced into a life of work that was unplanned. She is tough on the students, who dread having her as a teacher but, who, deep down, develop a true respect and love for her. Along the way, her students become police officers, doctors and mothers. I remember first seeing this movie when I was a teenager and admiring Miss Dove’s devotion, but I have to admit that now it seems so corny and outdated. Still, there is always room for movies about characters who behave with honor as they try to elevate the standards of those around them. 2½ cans.
69. Taking Chance (2009) – Kevin Bacon is Marine Colonel Michael Strobl, an officer who volunteers to escort the body of young Marine Chance Phelps to his final resting place after his death in combat. All along the way, each person involved in handling the young man’s body – whether cleaning his personal effects, draping the flag on the coffin, transporting the box onto and off of an airplane – pays the utmost respect to the fallen Marine, and Colonel Strobl accompanies the body with dignity and honor. This movie is based on a true story and it is a moving account that reminds us – especially watching it on Memorial Day – of the sacrifices of the people who have served our country. 4 cans and some tissues, please.
70. Fosse/Verdon* (2019) – Bob Fosse was a legendary Broadway choreographer and director, responsible for such shows and movies as “Damn Yankees,” “Sweet Charity,” “Chicago” and “Cabaret.” His wife, dancer/actress Gwen Verdon, starred in most of them. The Fosse depicted here (Sam Rockwell) is best described as a self-centered prick, a conniving, non-trustworthy man who cheats on his wife, is addicted to booze, drugs and sex, and is generally a supremely talented but impossible person to love. Verdon (Michelle Williams) is sweetness and light but with a hard edge, always worried about her career but with a huge soft spot for Fosse. I was never a fan of Fosse’s unique style of choreography, but I understand how his interpretation of a story through dance was so successful. This drama delivers lots of punch, and the performances by the leads are exceptional. Watching this series was worth every minute of the 8 parts. 4 cans.
71. The Kids Are Alright (2010) – The kids may be alright, but the adults have plenty of issues. Nic and Jules (Annette Benning and Julianne Moore) have been together for a long time despite very visible differences between them. Nic is an uptight doctor and Jules is a free spirit who tries on careers like pairs of shoes. They have raised two kids, each of them carrying a baby conceived through a sperm donor. When the kids get curious about their biological father, they quickly and easily locate him. Paul (Mark Ruffalo) is just a big kid himself, laid back and unassuming and perfectly happy to enter into this new family situation. Not only is he comfortable with the kids, but it isn’t long before he and Jules get involved. Will the new dad break up this nuclear family? Will Jules go straight? This is a good look at decisions, behavior and consequences. 3½ cans.
72. St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) – The Brat Pack shines in this movie about post-Breakfast Club kids (with several of the OG cast members – Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez and Judd Nelson) who are now done with college and embarking on careers. In your 20s, life is all about hopes and dreams, fear and failure, and, most of all here, friends. This group of 7 were all college friends, all involved intimately in each other’s lives. Andrew McCarthy is in love with Ally Sheedy, who lives with young Republican Judd Nelson. Estevez is in love with a doctor, Andie McDowell, who is way over his pay grade. Mare Winningham is the dowdy girl in love with impossible handsome bad boy Rob Lowe, and Demi Moore is alternatively in love with and hates herself. They are self-centered yet supportive – most of the time. They drink too much, party too much and have intense relationships as they struggle to find their places in the adult world. I can’t believe this movie is nearly 35 years old. I still enjoyed watching it. 3½ cans.
58. Ask Dr. Ruth* (2019) – Who knew there was a whole genre of movies about powerful but diminutive Jewish women named Ruth who became icons in their professions? Last year was the year of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. This year brings us a documentary about renowned sex therapist, talk show guest, radio and TV host and lecturer Dr. Ruth Westheimer, best known for her frank, no-nonsense view of sex. This tiny powerhouse is relentlessly cherry and constantly on the move, even at the age of 90. The movie reveals that as a 10-year old living in Germany she was sent to Switzerland to avoid the impending Holocaust, with memories that she recounts with no tears or rancor. I was really impressed with Dr. Ruth as a woman, a researcher, a therapist and, for some time, as a single mother. I wish I had just a fraction of her energy and optimism. 4 cans.
59. Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile* (2019) – That description of executed serial killer Ted Bundy by the judge who presided over his last cases seems particularly apt. Bundy (Zac Efron), an attractive, intelligent sociopath who killed a succession of women in multiple states, acted as his own attorney, protesting his innocence and denigrating the authorities who had plenty of evidence against him. It is safe to say most people in the late 70s know the story. What I didn’t know is that Bundy had a girlfriend (Lilly Collins) who was a single mother. Even she had her doubts about Bundy early on; the coincidences of the murders and his travels, his car and his description were enough to make her call the police. But love is blind, right? And she couldn’t be sure. Bundy was more than a charming scamp. While this movie (thankfully) omits footage of the victims and what he did to them, the courtroom descriptions are quite enough. He was a killer who acted alone with violence and complete disregard for human life. The movie was well done, but aside from the girlfriend revelation and the fact that he marries an old friend while in jail because his girlfriend refuses to take his calls, there is nothing new here. 3½ cans.
60. The Mayo Clinic, Faith, Hope and Science* (2018) – This Ken Burns documentary tells the story of the founding the remarkable Mayo Clinic 150 years ago by W.W. Mayo and how this “Medical Mecca” has saved the lives of thousands of patients. The respected institution is known not only for its outstanding diagnostic work but also for its medical research and the development of new procedures, treatments and devices that keep patient care in the forefront. If you have any interest in medicine, take two hours and watch it on Netflix (or PBS, where it originally aired). 4 cans.
61. At the Heart of Gold: The USA Gymnastics Scandal* (2019) – You would have to have been living under a rock not to know about the sexual abuse scandal involving Dr. Larry Nasser, team physician of the US Women’s Gymnastics Team. Nassar used his access to the young women (some not even teenagers yet) to “treat” their athletic injuries in what could at best be called an unconventional way. His constant talking to them, taking an interest in aspects of their lives not normally shared between doctor and patient should have set off alerts that he was grooming these young ladies. This HBO documentary covers their so-called treatments in about as much detail as I could take. The crime here is not just Nasser’s; the USA gymnastics officials and administrators at Michigan State University are equally complicit for ignoring the complaints by those girls brave enough to raise them and for not enforcing the rules they devised to prevent similar incidents. This is a tawdry story with a real message – listen to kids (and people in general) who tell you something is wrong, because it probably is. Even if they cannot define it or understand it, such incidents must be pursued. Hundreds of young women suffered as a result of the inaction of the adults who should have known better. 3 cans.
62. Big Little Lies* (2018) – This HBO series seemed to me to be an updated version of “Desperate Housewives,” complete with rape, murder, infidelity and domestic violence, all amid a “Lifestyles of the Rich and Overbearing” setting in Northern California. It includes the talents of actresses and producers such as Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Laura Dern, Shailene Woodley and a host of nearly interchangeable men who are far less important as ther on-screen husbands, exes and partners. Almost everyone lives in a beautiful house, with stunning views, adorable children and secrets galore. And don’t cross some of these women or they will get you. The series debuted last year, based on a popular book by Lianne Moriarity that I had not read (which everyone, of course, insists is better than the series) and as we work our way through the trials and tribulations of the protagonists, we can count on upcoming season 2 to present more of the same. I had heard such great things about it that I felt I should watch it, and maybe I will succumb to the temptation of seeing Meryl Streep come to Monterey in the upcoming season 2, but overall, I found it just a little too pretty and superficial (despite the secrets and twists) to heartily endorse. 3 cans.
63. Perfect Bid* (2018) – There are fans and there are fanatics, and in this Netflix documentary, Ted Slauson falls into the latter category. Ted not only watches the game show “The Price is Right” faithfully (starting as a kid), he charts the price of every item featured on the show, compiling a huge databank of information that he memorized. It took Ted a couple of dozen visits to the show before he was selected to compete, but in the meantime, he gladly shared his knowledge with other contestants by calling out the prices. They could accept or ignore his answers, but those lucky folks who took advantage of his vast knowledge went home with plenty of merchandise. Ted could best be described as a nerd, a guy who can recall the price pf every item he tracked watching the show. After an absence of 10 years, Ted returned and managed to be in on a controversy about whether the show was fixed (it was not). There are worse hobbies to have, I suppose, and I DID watch this (don’t ask me why; I haven’t watched “The Price is Right” in decades), but I really wanted to tell Ted to get a life. 2 cans.
64. Shawshank Redemption (1994) – I’m not reviewing this movie, which is one of my all-time favorites, but rather extolling the virtues of seeing it for the first time in a movie theater. In case you think that size doesn’t matter, you’re wrong! Also, relishing the richness and emotional experience of this movie without the distraction of checking my cellphone, commercial interruptions or other disruptions made it that much more special. It was playing in the local theater as part of a monthly series of classics shown on the big screen. I will be glad to see other movies I may have missed in the way in which they were intended to be viewed. And this one is a winner in any format. 5 cans.
65. Easy A* (2010) – Emma Stone shines in this modern-day version of “The Scarlet Letter.” Stone plays Olive, a smart, quick-witted high school student who is nagged by her best friend to reveal that she lost her virginity, even though it never happened. The admission backfires when Olive’s “secret” gets out and she is labeled as Hester Prynne from the classic story. She plays along and exploits her image reversal for a while, until she sees that people are making nasty judgments about her that started with her little white lie. Social acceptance and the meanness of high school kids is on full display here, and Stone provides plenty of sass along with vulnerability. 3 cans.
66. Les Miserables* (2019) – By now, we all know the story of Frenchman Jean Valjean, the good-hearted but desperate man who is imprisoned for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread. He is a man of immense strength, both physically and emotionally, and once he is out of jail, he turns his life around. But he cannot escape the relentless Inspector Jauvert, whose life’s work is to see Valjean in prison once again. This 6-part, non-musical version of the classic Victor Hugo tale was presented on PBS, and it measures up or surpasses the previous versions – all of which I think I have seen. Dominic West gives a powerful performance as Valjean, with David Oyelowo as the relentless Inspector Javert and Lily Collins as the luckless single mother Fantine, whose problems are caused by Valjean, who feels responsible for her demise. This is an excellent production of the familiar tale and I enjoyed every bit of it. 4½ cans.
67. The Confirmation* (2019) – Clive Owen plays Walt, a down-on-his-luck carpenter and divorced dad of 8-year old Anthony (Jaeden Lieberher). When Anthony’s mother and stepfather (Maria Bello and Matthew Modine) leave town for a weekend, they reluctantly leave Walt in charge. Anthony has been studying for his confirmation and is wrestling with ethical and moral questions when he enters the confessional because he’s too young to recognize things that might be considered sins. By the end of the weekend, he has much more familiarity with lying, stealing and other non-biblical issues, like pointing a gun. Walt leaves Anthony in charge of his truck when he stops at a bar, and when Anthony abandons his post, Walt’s tools are stolen. The movie then becomes a father-son buddy movie, as the pair go to great lengths to find the thief and get back the tools Walt needs to get a job and make some money. The irresponsible father and the maturing boy make good and bad decisions and build a relationship they previously did not have. 3 cans.
68. Good Morning, Miss Dove (1955) – Jennifer Jones plays the title character, a taciturn schoolteacher who we can disparagingly call an “old maid.” She is devoted to her students and her craft, as we see through a series of flashbacks that show her transition from an active young woman to one who is forced into a life of work that was unplanned. She is tough on the students, who dread having her as a teacher but, who, deep down, develop a true respect and love for her. Along the way, her students become police officers, doctors and mothers. I remember first seeing this movie when I was a teenager and admiring Miss Dove’s devotion, but I have to admit that now it seems so corny and outdated. Still, there is always room for movies about characters who behave with honor as they try to elevate the standards of those around them. 2½ cans.
69. Taking Chance (2009) – Kevin Bacon is Marine Colonel Michael Strobl, an officer who volunteers to escort the body of young Marine Chance Phelps to his final resting place after his death in combat. All along the way, each person involved in handling the young man’s body – whether cleaning his personal effects, draping the flag on the coffin, transporting the box onto and off of an airplane – pays the utmost respect to the fallen Marine, and Colonel Strobl accompanies the body with dignity and honor. This movie is based on a true story and it is a moving account that reminds us – especially watching it on Memorial Day – of the sacrifices of the people who have served our country. 4 cans and some tissues, please.
70. Fosse/Verdon* (2019) – Bob Fosse was a legendary Broadway choreographer and director, responsible for such shows and movies as “Damn Yankees,” “Sweet Charity,” “Chicago” and “Cabaret.” His wife, dancer/actress Gwen Verdon, starred in most of them. The Fosse depicted here (Sam Rockwell) is best described as a self-centered prick, a conniving, non-trustworthy man who cheats on his wife, is addicted to booze, drugs and sex, and is generally a supremely talented but impossible person to love. Verdon (Michelle Williams) is sweetness and light but with a hard edge, always worried about her career but with a huge soft spot for Fosse. I was never a fan of Fosse’s unique style of choreography, but I understand how his interpretation of a story through dance was so successful. This drama delivers lots of punch, and the performances by the leads are exceptional. Watching this series was worth every minute of the 8 parts. 4 cans.
71. The Kids Are Alright (2010) – The kids may be alright, but the adults have plenty of issues. Nic and Jules (Annette Benning and Julianne Moore) have been together for a long time despite very visible differences between them. Nic is an uptight doctor and Jules is a free spirit who tries on careers like pairs of shoes. They have raised two kids, each of them carrying a baby conceived through a sperm donor. When the kids get curious about their biological father, they quickly and easily locate him. Paul (Mark Ruffalo) is just a big kid himself, laid back and unassuming and perfectly happy to enter into this new family situation. Not only is he comfortable with the kids, but it isn’t long before he and Jules get involved. Will the new dad break up this nuclear family? Will Jules go straight? This is a good look at decisions, behavior and consequences. 3½ cans.
72. St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) – The Brat Pack shines in this movie about post-Breakfast Club kids (with several of the OG cast members – Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez and Judd Nelson) who are now done with college and embarking on careers. In your 20s, life is all about hopes and dreams, fear and failure, and, most of all here, friends. This group of 7 were all college friends, all involved intimately in each other’s lives. Andrew McCarthy is in love with Ally Sheedy, who lives with young Republican Judd Nelson. Estevez is in love with a doctor, Andie McDowell, who is way over his pay grade. Mare Winningham is the dowdy girl in love with impossible handsome bad boy Rob Lowe, and Demi Moore is alternatively in love with and hates herself. They are self-centered yet supportive – most of the time. They drink too much, party too much and have intense relationships as they struggle to find their places in the adult world. I can’t believe this movie is nearly 35 years old. I still enjoyed watching it. 3½ cans.
Wednesday, May 15, 2019
May Day
I just caught a few minutes of a TV talk show starring Martha Stewart and Snoop Dog and I am pretty sure I died and moved on to an alternate universe, because this CANNOT be real. It looks like a sketch from Saturday Night Live!
Why is an open-faced grilled cheese sandwich called the “Happy Waitress Special” in every diner in America? I have never seen a waitress celebrate that order.
For those of you wondering, Ice Cream Season has started here in the Gordon House, although with the cold weather we have been having, it is not a daily event.
Even though she didn’t know the answer to my question (Alexa, why do bananas have strings?), I think Alexa was happy to start off her workday with a question about something other than the weather report or my schedule.
Despite all of the advances in medical technology, when you go to the eye doctor, they still hand you that old wooden spoon-like device (now made of plastic) to cover one eye at a time while you attempt to read the chart.
I always get a little anxious on that part of my eye exam when the doctor puts the big machine in front of me (you know, the one that has been used for decades), sets the numbers and asks me which one is better, number 1 or number 2. Is there a right or wrong answer? Can I try again? Maybe #2 does seems clearer, but was that supposed to be the case? Are my answers making any sense?
There should be training for people in supermarket conduct. For example, don’t leave your cart in the middle of the aisle as you complete your search for canned peaches. Chance are, it is in the way of someone else. And don’t stick it in the middle of the aisle with your hand on it while you grab something, because that blocks the aisle, too. And please don’t leave your purse in the top of the cart while you do any of these things or you are just asking to have it stolen. Don’t go to the checkout line that is meant for 10 and under if you have 20 items. Once you are on the line, don’t go running through the store to get that one thing (or more) that you forgot and leave the rest of us waiting for your return. Get your coupons out and ready for the cashier. If you are doing your own check-out (which I HATE to do), make sure you know what you are doing (I often need help, which is one of the reasons I try to avoid it!). Know the name of the apples you are buying so you can look them up correctly. Once you leave the store, if you can, put your cart in the designated cart collection areas and don’t leave it there to roll into someone else’s car in the parking lot (which happened to me just last week; no damage). And please, stop standing in the produce or frozen food aisles wearing the shortest of shorts and a tank top. That outfit is meant for Walmart, not ShopRite!
The May challenge from my photography club is to take a picture showing something decrepit, in disrepair or falling apart. When I mentioned in my physical therapy session that I had my camera with me, ready to take pictures, three people wanted to know if I would be taking pictures of them! Relax, folks, it is THINGS in disrepair, not those of you whose knees and hips are ready to collapse.
I don’t understand (or appreciate) women’s public restrooms that lack hooks to hang my handbag. What are you supposed to do with your purse when you are using the facilities? I don’t want to put my bag on the germy, disgusting floor. I actually have hung my bag around my neck to avoid having it hit the floor. Get some damn Command hooks, people. Let’s solve this problem!
While we are on the subject of restrooms, why do we call them restrooms? Does anyone go in there to take a rest? Where’s the couch? And do you really want to linger in a room where people are taking care of business? Yeah, I don’t think so.
And finally, when you are done washing your hands – with soap, if you can get some to eke out of the dispenser – you have to dry your hands. That could go one of two ways. You either have to do the Hokey Pokey under the paper towel dispenser to coax some out, or you have to put your hands under a blower that feels so powerful that you wonder if your skin will be blown off. And then you don’t want to touch the door with your clean hands, because not everyone is like YOU and sometimes they don’t wash their hands and God knows what germs are on the door handle, so you open it with the paper towel that finally came out of the towel holder and then you don’t know what to do with your used towel because not you have left the restroom and you are not nearly rested. Oh, I’m on a roll now, huh?
You know, there’s this whole dress code that we enforce on ourselves – no white in winter, no sandals until spring, etc. Remember when the biggest scandal in the Obama presidency was that he wore a tan suit (oh, those were the good old days…)? I have found that it is acceptable to wear a t-shirt (the non-logo or funny saying type) as long as you throw on a necklace to dress it up. I’d like to thank Tina Turner (for so many things) for strutting down the street wearing a black dress, killer heels (those legs!) and a denim jacket in the video for “What’s Love Got to Do With It.” She made jeans jackets wearable for practically any occasion two decades ago!
I always run out of hotdogs before I run out of rolls (probably because the hotdogs come in a package of 7 and the rolls come in a package of 8). Or I have to buy rolls to replace the leftover rolls I used and then have too many rolls because the dogs are gone. Is this what they mean when they say we need balance in our lives?
I like ordering things on line and then being surprised when the package arrives because I can’t remember what I ordered.
Maybe I was a bit late in jumping on board the James Holzhauer “Jeopardy” train, but I am no less intrigued by this incredibly intelligent, quick and competitive player than everyone else. His brilliant strategy for selecting the highest paying clue in each category and then working his way up the board is an innovative approach that now makes me wonder why no one else thought of it before he did. He amasses so much money by betting heavily in the Daily Doubles – and he bets very strange amounts – that by Final Jeopardy, it is almost impossible to beat him. I find this fascinating television, but I don’t get the outrage that he is “ruining the game.” There have been opinion pieces in such venerable publication as The Washington Post decrying his domination. People, the despot in charge in Washington is ruining the country and some of you are concerned about ruining a GAME SHOW? It is a GAME, it has lasted for 35+ years, and civilization will not be ruined if it were to go off the air. Turn your worries to things that are really worth protesting and let James rule!
The highlight of my day was finding my expensive eye vitamins on sale at ShopRite AND having a $5 coupon with me. I saved $12. I feel triumphant!
One of my latest favorite things is one of those stamp devices used to roll over and obliterate my address on junk mail, catalogs, envelopes, etc. The stamper says CONFIDENTIAL, and I roll over the address twice with it, upside down, so good luck to anyone trying to discern the actual address. The use of this simple device saves me from having to shred bills and other material before I recycle them. Mine was a gift, but I advise buying one to stay safe and anonymous – as much as possible.
For what it is worth, I vow to NEVER wear a jumpsuit. I don’t need to disrobe in a public bathroom every time I need to relieve myself. Thanks, but no. (Unless I get a jail sentence and am forced to don the OITNB jumpsuits.)
I have this annoying habit (among others) where I type a word that begins with a capital letter and accidentally capitalize the next letter, too. Such as APril 2019. I also make the same typos consistently, mistyping Chciago, buisness and other words. I think I have finger dyslexia (don’t worry, I made it up and you can’t catch it).
I have a box of toothpicks in the cabinet that spilled while I was taking them out. I threw away a bunch, but, since there are 750 in the box, it appears my lifetime supply of these ridiculously thin and breakable toothpicks will not be affected. I’m adding a new box to my shopping list in hopes of finding a smaller package with better quality toothpicks. Who says my life isn’t exciting?
Considering what a huge sports fan I am, it is amazing how little I know – or care – about hockey.
Why is an open-faced grilled cheese sandwich called the “Happy Waitress Special” in every diner in America? I have never seen a waitress celebrate that order.
For those of you wondering, Ice Cream Season has started here in the Gordon House, although with the cold weather we have been having, it is not a daily event.
Even though she didn’t know the answer to my question (Alexa, why do bananas have strings?), I think Alexa was happy to start off her workday with a question about something other than the weather report or my schedule.
Despite all of the advances in medical technology, when you go to the eye doctor, they still hand you that old wooden spoon-like device (now made of plastic) to cover one eye at a time while you attempt to read the chart.
I always get a little anxious on that part of my eye exam when the doctor puts the big machine in front of me (you know, the one that has been used for decades), sets the numbers and asks me which one is better, number 1 or number 2. Is there a right or wrong answer? Can I try again? Maybe #2 does seems clearer, but was that supposed to be the case? Are my answers making any sense?
There should be training for people in supermarket conduct. For example, don’t leave your cart in the middle of the aisle as you complete your search for canned peaches. Chance are, it is in the way of someone else. And don’t stick it in the middle of the aisle with your hand on it while you grab something, because that blocks the aisle, too. And please don’t leave your purse in the top of the cart while you do any of these things or you are just asking to have it stolen. Don’t go to the checkout line that is meant for 10 and under if you have 20 items. Once you are on the line, don’t go running through the store to get that one thing (or more) that you forgot and leave the rest of us waiting for your return. Get your coupons out and ready for the cashier. If you are doing your own check-out (which I HATE to do), make sure you know what you are doing (I often need help, which is one of the reasons I try to avoid it!). Know the name of the apples you are buying so you can look them up correctly. Once you leave the store, if you can, put your cart in the designated cart collection areas and don’t leave it there to roll into someone else’s car in the parking lot (which happened to me just last week; no damage). And please, stop standing in the produce or frozen food aisles wearing the shortest of shorts and a tank top. That outfit is meant for Walmart, not ShopRite!
The May challenge from my photography club is to take a picture showing something decrepit, in disrepair or falling apart. When I mentioned in my physical therapy session that I had my camera with me, ready to take pictures, three people wanted to know if I would be taking pictures of them! Relax, folks, it is THINGS in disrepair, not those of you whose knees and hips are ready to collapse.
I don’t understand (or appreciate) women’s public restrooms that lack hooks to hang my handbag. What are you supposed to do with your purse when you are using the facilities? I don’t want to put my bag on the germy, disgusting floor. I actually have hung my bag around my neck to avoid having it hit the floor. Get some damn Command hooks, people. Let’s solve this problem!
While we are on the subject of restrooms, why do we call them restrooms? Does anyone go in there to take a rest? Where’s the couch? And do you really want to linger in a room where people are taking care of business? Yeah, I don’t think so.
And finally, when you are done washing your hands – with soap, if you can get some to eke out of the dispenser – you have to dry your hands. That could go one of two ways. You either have to do the Hokey Pokey under the paper towel dispenser to coax some out, or you have to put your hands under a blower that feels so powerful that you wonder if your skin will be blown off. And then you don’t want to touch the door with your clean hands, because not everyone is like YOU and sometimes they don’t wash their hands and God knows what germs are on the door handle, so you open it with the paper towel that finally came out of the towel holder and then you don’t know what to do with your used towel because not you have left the restroom and you are not nearly rested. Oh, I’m on a roll now, huh?
You know, there’s this whole dress code that we enforce on ourselves – no white in winter, no sandals until spring, etc. Remember when the biggest scandal in the Obama presidency was that he wore a tan suit (oh, those were the good old days…)? I have found that it is acceptable to wear a t-shirt (the non-logo or funny saying type) as long as you throw on a necklace to dress it up. I’d like to thank Tina Turner (for so many things) for strutting down the street wearing a black dress, killer heels (those legs!) and a denim jacket in the video for “What’s Love Got to Do With It.” She made jeans jackets wearable for practically any occasion two decades ago!
I always run out of hotdogs before I run out of rolls (probably because the hotdogs come in a package of 7 and the rolls come in a package of 8). Or I have to buy rolls to replace the leftover rolls I used and then have too many rolls because the dogs are gone. Is this what they mean when they say we need balance in our lives?
I like ordering things on line and then being surprised when the package arrives because I can’t remember what I ordered.
Maybe I was a bit late in jumping on board the James Holzhauer “Jeopardy” train, but I am no less intrigued by this incredibly intelligent, quick and competitive player than everyone else. His brilliant strategy for selecting the highest paying clue in each category and then working his way up the board is an innovative approach that now makes me wonder why no one else thought of it before he did. He amasses so much money by betting heavily in the Daily Doubles – and he bets very strange amounts – that by Final Jeopardy, it is almost impossible to beat him. I find this fascinating television, but I don’t get the outrage that he is “ruining the game.” There have been opinion pieces in such venerable publication as The Washington Post decrying his domination. People, the despot in charge in Washington is ruining the country and some of you are concerned about ruining a GAME SHOW? It is a GAME, it has lasted for 35+ years, and civilization will not be ruined if it were to go off the air. Turn your worries to things that are really worth protesting and let James rule!
The highlight of my day was finding my expensive eye vitamins on sale at ShopRite AND having a $5 coupon with me. I saved $12. I feel triumphant!
One of my latest favorite things is one of those stamp devices used to roll over and obliterate my address on junk mail, catalogs, envelopes, etc. The stamper says CONFIDENTIAL, and I roll over the address twice with it, upside down, so good luck to anyone trying to discern the actual address. The use of this simple device saves me from having to shred bills and other material before I recycle them. Mine was a gift, but I advise buying one to stay safe and anonymous – as much as possible.
For what it is worth, I vow to NEVER wear a jumpsuit. I don’t need to disrobe in a public bathroom every time I need to relieve myself. Thanks, but no. (Unless I get a jail sentence and am forced to don the OITNB jumpsuits.)
I have this annoying habit (among others) where I type a word that begins with a capital letter and accidentally capitalize the next letter, too. Such as APril 2019. I also make the same typos consistently, mistyping Chciago, buisness and other words. I think I have finger dyslexia (don’t worry, I made it up and you can’t catch it).
I have a box of toothpicks in the cabinet that spilled while I was taking them out. I threw away a bunch, but, since there are 750 in the box, it appears my lifetime supply of these ridiculously thin and breakable toothpicks will not be affected. I’m adding a new box to my shopping list in hopes of finding a smaller package with better quality toothpicks. Who says my life isn’t exciting?
Considering what a huge sports fan I am, it is amazing how little I know – or care – about hockey.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Tina's April 2019 Movies
April was the month of music for me, as I saw concert movies and documentaries on everyone from Aretha to Beyonce, with a visit to Muscle Shoals, Alabama, and the classic "rockumentary" "This is Spinal Tap." And some oldies but goodies are thrown in. Numbering picks up from previous months and movies marked with an * asterisk are ones I had not seen previously. The ratings are from 0-5 cans of tuna (this month a rare 0 appears on the list), with 5 being the top.
44. The Wizard of Lies (2017) – This is not a political story. It is the tale of financier/investment counselor Bernie Madoff, a man clever enough to concoct perhaps the largest Ponzi scheme ever perpetrated on the public. The story here begins as Madoff’s sons question him about why he is signing bonus checks to employees and they get answers they never could have imagined. Madoff misled investors for years, delivering outstanding investment returns by using new money to pay off earlier investors. But at some point, things have to crumble, because there would never be enough money coming in to deliver on the promise. Madoff (Robert DeNiro) leads a lavish lifestyle, hides everything about his business from everyone but a trusted few henchmen (which does not include his wife – played by Michelle Pfeiffer – or his sons, who worked for one of his companies), and is demanding, petulant and dishonest. When it all comes crashing down, he partially blames the investors themselves – many of whom lost their life savings after trusting Bernie to manage them – for being too greedy. But this story focuses less on the effects on the larger community than on his own family. His wife went from being a society matron to being a pariah whose hairdresser banned her. His two sons, who apparently were kept in the dark by their megalomaniac father, lost their livelihoods and, ultimately their lives. It is hard to have much sympathy for people whose privilege gave them so many materials things. If you remember back to 2008 when this scheme came to light, you will recall that Madoff pleaded guilty and was sentenced to more than 100 years in jail. This recreation of the events shows how one person can be so evil that they have no understanding of the harm they can inflict on thousands or even just a few people. 4 cans.
45. The Girl on the Train (2016) – The book was better. That said, this is still a suspenseful story of a woman who drinks too much but has extraordinary powers of observation from a moving train. She is a voyeur, making up stories about the people whose homes she passes on her daily commute into New York to a job she no longer has because of her drinking problem. Rachel (Emily Blunt) is a mess, alone and not recovering from a nasty divorce, jealous of her husband’s new wife and the people who live in her own house. But did she have anything to do with the babysitter who is missing? Read the book or see the movie. 3½ cans.
46. The Best of Enemies* (2019) – Based on a true story, this movie is about C. P. Ellis (Sam Rockwell), the leader of the Klu Klux Klan in Durham, North Carolina, and Ann Atwater (Taraji P. Henson), the fierce local leader of the black community, who knows how to get things done. C. P. and his gang use violence, threats and any other means to intimidate the local community, but when a coalition is formed to discuss school integration in the aftermath of a fire that destroyed the local black elementary school, the two find themselves in a stand-off that must be resolved. The Klan is depicted in the negative light that it deserves, and the hatred demonstrated is frightening. Strong performances and an excellent story made better by the fact that it is true. 4 cans.
47. Singin’ in the Rain (1952 – There is no movie musical more iconic than this jewel from the genius that is Gene Kelly. Kelly, along with sidekicks Donald O’Connor and a 19-year old novice, Debbie Reynolds, deliver exuberant performances, athletic dancing and vibrant songs in this classic, widely considered the best musical of all time. We can skip the details on the plot in favor of reveling in Kelly and his umbrella splashing down the street in the title song, or Donald O’Connor’s amazing number, “Make ‘Em Laugh,” or even the self-indulgent and ethereal “Broadway Ballet,” which has no real relevance to the plot other than to showcase the dancing of Cyd Charisse. This one may be a bit corny, but it is a classic. Kelly’s dance style meshes perfectly with his co-stars and is riveting to watch. If you love musicals, this one was meant for you. 5 cans.
48. Body Heat (1981) – Baby, it’s hot. This movie, set in hot, hot Miami, is enough to make you sweat for many reasons. William Hurt plays Ned Racine, an attorney far more interested in the ladies than in the law. A sexy, smoldering Kathleen Turner is Matty Walker, wife of a businessman, who lures Ned into a passionate affair. She claims to love him, but wouldn’t it be better if her husband wasn’t in the way, she opines. Let’s kill him and split the insurance money, he suggests. What could go wrong, right? There is a lot of 1981 sex and plenty of sweating in this film noir (think “Double Indemnity” with Barbara Stanwyck and Fred MacMurray), a thriller that tries to keep the viewer off-balance. Turner was at the beginning of her career here and never looked better. When Hurt breaks through the glass to get to her, phew! 4 cans.
49. Crazy Rich Asians* (2018) – I shouldn’t review this ridiculous waste of time and money at all, since I never finished watching it. The story is that an attractive young couple go to Singapore for the wedding of his close friend, but the woman has no idea that her boyfriend is the scion of an extremely wealthy family and the most eligible bachelor in Asia. The couple has to put up with his crazy, rich friends and family and go along on outlandish outings. I found nothing redeemable about this movie and I am only glad I waited to see it for free on cable instead of paying to see it in the movies. 0 cans.
50. The Highwaymen* (2019) – Kevin Costner and Woody Harrelson are two former Texas Rangers called on to stop the crime spree and killings by the notorious Bonnie and Clyde in the 1930s. With no GPS and no cell phones, they track the elusive duo. The grizzled vets are experienced and serious about this assignment, but there is a token bit of humor in this period piece. Bonnie and Clyde were young and good-looking and very popular with the public (their funerals attracted thousands of people) and finding them was not an easy task. I thought this movie was well-played but a bit slow. These are the actual guys who tracked down the dynamic duo, an element of truth that adds to the story. 3½ cans.
51. Amazing Grace* (2019) – I don’t know why this documentary about the recording of a gospel album by the Queen of Soul herself, Aretha Franklin, took nearly 50 years to be released but I do know this: It was worth the wait. When she closes her eyes and opens her mouth to sing the very first song, you are transfixed by the power, purity and soul of this immensely talented woman. Listening to Aretha wail out gospel standards gave me chills and thrills and demonstrated so clearly the influence of the church on so many singers. It was almost enough to make me want to be a Baptist! According to my research, Aretha had decided that, after a slew of gold records, she wanted to get back to singing in the church. Over a 2-day period in 1972, director Sydney Pollack recorded her singing at a small church in Los Angeles. Backed by the Southern California Community Choir, and working with the Reverend James Cleveland, Aretha went back to her roots, and the subsequent album became her biggest-selling one ever. In the movie, you feel Aretha’s passion and celebrate her love of the church. By day 2, her pastor father shows up, and you can find a young Mick Jagger clapping his hands and tapping his toes in the audience, some of whom are overcome by the emotion of it all. There is no pretense here, no contrived sets or costume changes. You see Pollack’s crew trying to capture the moment, and the setting is so intimate that you feel almost like you are there. And when she does Amazing Grace, it is truly amazing. What a joyful noise! 4 cans.
52. Muscle Shoals* (2013) – My old boss, seeing my mention on Facebook of “Amazing Grace,” suggested I watch this movie about the Alabama location where Aretha recorded many of her hits. Record producer Rick Hall was the musical genius behind the distinct sound of Muscle Shoals music, mostly recorded by local musicians who became known as “The Swampers.” Their distinctive bass-line and percussion sound can be heard on songs by everyone from Aretha, Wilson Pickett and Percy Sledge to Dylan, the Rolling Stones and the Allman brothers, a musical legacy that has lasted for decades. Some of the best and most popular songs of their generation were recorded in Muscle Shoals, a place which captured some king of magic in the air and soul that could not be charted on paper. If you love music from the 60s and on, catch this documentary and revisit the mystique that was Muscle Shoals. 4 cans.
53. The Wrecking Crew (2015) – Next we move to Southern California for the music of The Righteous Brothers, the Mamas and Papas, Jan and Dean and the Beach Boys. You know their songs, but you probably don’t know the session musicians responsible for their success. This documentary by the son of Wrecking Crew guitar player Tommy Tedesco traces the formation of a group of session musicians whose prowess led to countless hits in the 60s on, mostly faceless musicians who, like “The Swampers,” didn’t need charts to contribute their unique skills to such unforgettable albums as the Beach Boys’ “Pet Sounds,” or to Phil Spector’s renowned “wall of sound.” Whether backing up countless “girl groups” (including The Ronettes, whose “Be My Baby” happens to be my all-time favorite song) or creating memorable guitar licks, these musicians were constantly busy, playing sessions morning, noon and night. They didn’t go on the road because they were in such demand in the studio. Some artists and producers scheduled their recording sessions around the availability of these talented artists. Their creativity contributed to countless standards. The group’s main bass player, Carol Kaye, a rare woman on the job, came up with an intro for “Wichita Lineman,” by former session player Glen Campbell, who went on to solo stardom. The interesting thing is that they got no credit for their work, because groups like the Beach Boys didn’t have the musical chops of the session players (except for genius Brian Wilson), but the “band” had to perform the songs at concerts. When groups like the Monkees came along, the producers wanted the public to think they played their own music, but it was the session musicians who made the actual records. Pay close attention to the section on recording with Brian Wilson and you will understand the power of talent and imagination. 4 cans.
54. 20 Feet from Stardom (2013) – I’ll take music documentaries for $200, Alex. I’m continuing my music jam with this documentary featuring some of the most talented singers to ever record. Most of them are career back-up singers, those mostly nameless, mostly black women who perform background on records – sometimes with no credit for their work – and on stage, standing behind the featured artist. But imagine Mick Jagger singing “Gimme Shelter” without Merry Clayton’s searing vocal. Think of the Ike & Tina Turner Review. Think of just about any “girl group” and you’ll find Darlene Love. Some of these singers made it to their own stardom (Luther Van Dross started as a back-up singer), but others were content to stay in the background, using their musical gifts to blend with other singers and create unforgettable harmonies. The talent level of the performers highlighted here is off the charts – even as the songs they help create and popularize topped the charts. 4 cans.
55. Homecoming* (2019) – In 2018 Beyoncé became the first black female performer to headline at the Coachella festival. With an epic performance of her hits, surrounded by as many as 200 singers, dancers and musicians, she put on a spectacular show for the ages that will intimate most other women taking the lead spot in the future. Truthfully, Beyoncé is not my favorite performer (I find some of her lyrics objectionable, and her costumes are too racy for me), but here she is a force of nature, singing, dancing, empowering, inspiring – and exhausting. I don’t know how she felt by the end of her show, but I was spent. I can see why the Hive worships its Queen. 4 cans.
56. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) – And we end our musical tour with Rob Reiner’s definitive “rockumentary,” a tour de force satire about an aging heavy metal band that might just be the worst group in history. The movie itself never hits a wrong note, thanks to the brilliance of the writers and performers – Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer and Reiner himself. It flows so naturally that it is hard to imagine that there was a script. There are cameos from Paul Simon, Howard Hesseman, Fran Drescher and other playing “important” people in the music business. Amid gigs being cancelled and drummers exploding, the band takes the stage to perform such big and awful “hits” as “Sex Farm” and “Big Bottom,” amid sets that are too small or don’t operate properly. My two favorite bits are Guest as Nigel explaining to Reiner as documentarian Marty why their amps go up to 11 instead of the standard 10 (“It’s one better”) and the lost boys racing down backstage hallways trying to find the access to the stage (“Hello, Cleveland! Rock and Roll!” they keep shouting). This clever, inventive film is a classic comedy. 4½ cans.
57. Blackklansman* (2018) – Spike Lee scores big in this depiction of the real-life story of Ron Stallworth (John David Washington), the first African-American police officer in Colorado Springs. Ron risks his life to infiltrate the Klu Klux Klan, initiating connections with the white supremacists by phone, only to have them want to meet him in person. Fellow officer Flip Zimmerman (Adam Driver) becomes the white Ron, as the two team up to take down the KKK. Meanwhile, the real Ron meets activist president of the Black Students Congress at a Stokely Carmichael rally and has to hide his profession from the woman who hates cops. All of the stereotyped white Klanspeople are on hand, including Grand Poo-bah (or whatever he is called) David Dukes. This movie is equally insulting to both blacks, whites and Jews (Flip is Jewish) – but in a way entirely consistent with the 60s. Sadly, it ends with actual footage of the white race riots in Charlottesville, Va., from 2017. The movie is brilliantly done and acted, but it is disturbing that these notions of race superiority and wanton violence continue today. 4 cans.
44. The Wizard of Lies (2017) – This is not a political story. It is the tale of financier/investment counselor Bernie Madoff, a man clever enough to concoct perhaps the largest Ponzi scheme ever perpetrated on the public. The story here begins as Madoff’s sons question him about why he is signing bonus checks to employees and they get answers they never could have imagined. Madoff misled investors for years, delivering outstanding investment returns by using new money to pay off earlier investors. But at some point, things have to crumble, because there would never be enough money coming in to deliver on the promise. Madoff (Robert DeNiro) leads a lavish lifestyle, hides everything about his business from everyone but a trusted few henchmen (which does not include his wife – played by Michelle Pfeiffer – or his sons, who worked for one of his companies), and is demanding, petulant and dishonest. When it all comes crashing down, he partially blames the investors themselves – many of whom lost their life savings after trusting Bernie to manage them – for being too greedy. But this story focuses less on the effects on the larger community than on his own family. His wife went from being a society matron to being a pariah whose hairdresser banned her. His two sons, who apparently were kept in the dark by their megalomaniac father, lost their livelihoods and, ultimately their lives. It is hard to have much sympathy for people whose privilege gave them so many materials things. If you remember back to 2008 when this scheme came to light, you will recall that Madoff pleaded guilty and was sentenced to more than 100 years in jail. This recreation of the events shows how one person can be so evil that they have no understanding of the harm they can inflict on thousands or even just a few people. 4 cans.
45. The Girl on the Train (2016) – The book was better. That said, this is still a suspenseful story of a woman who drinks too much but has extraordinary powers of observation from a moving train. She is a voyeur, making up stories about the people whose homes she passes on her daily commute into New York to a job she no longer has because of her drinking problem. Rachel (Emily Blunt) is a mess, alone and not recovering from a nasty divorce, jealous of her husband’s new wife and the people who live in her own house. But did she have anything to do with the babysitter who is missing? Read the book or see the movie. 3½ cans.
46. The Best of Enemies* (2019) – Based on a true story, this movie is about C. P. Ellis (Sam Rockwell), the leader of the Klu Klux Klan in Durham, North Carolina, and Ann Atwater (Taraji P. Henson), the fierce local leader of the black community, who knows how to get things done. C. P. and his gang use violence, threats and any other means to intimidate the local community, but when a coalition is formed to discuss school integration in the aftermath of a fire that destroyed the local black elementary school, the two find themselves in a stand-off that must be resolved. The Klan is depicted in the negative light that it deserves, and the hatred demonstrated is frightening. Strong performances and an excellent story made better by the fact that it is true. 4 cans.
47. Singin’ in the Rain (1952 – There is no movie musical more iconic than this jewel from the genius that is Gene Kelly. Kelly, along with sidekicks Donald O’Connor and a 19-year old novice, Debbie Reynolds, deliver exuberant performances, athletic dancing and vibrant songs in this classic, widely considered the best musical of all time. We can skip the details on the plot in favor of reveling in Kelly and his umbrella splashing down the street in the title song, or Donald O’Connor’s amazing number, “Make ‘Em Laugh,” or even the self-indulgent and ethereal “Broadway Ballet,” which has no real relevance to the plot other than to showcase the dancing of Cyd Charisse. This one may be a bit corny, but it is a classic. Kelly’s dance style meshes perfectly with his co-stars and is riveting to watch. If you love musicals, this one was meant for you. 5 cans.
48. Body Heat (1981) – Baby, it’s hot. This movie, set in hot, hot Miami, is enough to make you sweat for many reasons. William Hurt plays Ned Racine, an attorney far more interested in the ladies than in the law. A sexy, smoldering Kathleen Turner is Matty Walker, wife of a businessman, who lures Ned into a passionate affair. She claims to love him, but wouldn’t it be better if her husband wasn’t in the way, she opines. Let’s kill him and split the insurance money, he suggests. What could go wrong, right? There is a lot of 1981 sex and plenty of sweating in this film noir (think “Double Indemnity” with Barbara Stanwyck and Fred MacMurray), a thriller that tries to keep the viewer off-balance. Turner was at the beginning of her career here and never looked better. When Hurt breaks through the glass to get to her, phew! 4 cans.
49. Crazy Rich Asians* (2018) – I shouldn’t review this ridiculous waste of time and money at all, since I never finished watching it. The story is that an attractive young couple go to Singapore for the wedding of his close friend, but the woman has no idea that her boyfriend is the scion of an extremely wealthy family and the most eligible bachelor in Asia. The couple has to put up with his crazy, rich friends and family and go along on outlandish outings. I found nothing redeemable about this movie and I am only glad I waited to see it for free on cable instead of paying to see it in the movies. 0 cans.
50. The Highwaymen* (2019) – Kevin Costner and Woody Harrelson are two former Texas Rangers called on to stop the crime spree and killings by the notorious Bonnie and Clyde in the 1930s. With no GPS and no cell phones, they track the elusive duo. The grizzled vets are experienced and serious about this assignment, but there is a token bit of humor in this period piece. Bonnie and Clyde were young and good-looking and very popular with the public (their funerals attracted thousands of people) and finding them was not an easy task. I thought this movie was well-played but a bit slow. These are the actual guys who tracked down the dynamic duo, an element of truth that adds to the story. 3½ cans.
51. Amazing Grace* (2019) – I don’t know why this documentary about the recording of a gospel album by the Queen of Soul herself, Aretha Franklin, took nearly 50 years to be released but I do know this: It was worth the wait. When she closes her eyes and opens her mouth to sing the very first song, you are transfixed by the power, purity and soul of this immensely talented woman. Listening to Aretha wail out gospel standards gave me chills and thrills and demonstrated so clearly the influence of the church on so many singers. It was almost enough to make me want to be a Baptist! According to my research, Aretha had decided that, after a slew of gold records, she wanted to get back to singing in the church. Over a 2-day period in 1972, director Sydney Pollack recorded her singing at a small church in Los Angeles. Backed by the Southern California Community Choir, and working with the Reverend James Cleveland, Aretha went back to her roots, and the subsequent album became her biggest-selling one ever. In the movie, you feel Aretha’s passion and celebrate her love of the church. By day 2, her pastor father shows up, and you can find a young Mick Jagger clapping his hands and tapping his toes in the audience, some of whom are overcome by the emotion of it all. There is no pretense here, no contrived sets or costume changes. You see Pollack’s crew trying to capture the moment, and the setting is so intimate that you feel almost like you are there. And when she does Amazing Grace, it is truly amazing. What a joyful noise! 4 cans.
52. Muscle Shoals* (2013) – My old boss, seeing my mention on Facebook of “Amazing Grace,” suggested I watch this movie about the Alabama location where Aretha recorded many of her hits. Record producer Rick Hall was the musical genius behind the distinct sound of Muscle Shoals music, mostly recorded by local musicians who became known as “The Swampers.” Their distinctive bass-line and percussion sound can be heard on songs by everyone from Aretha, Wilson Pickett and Percy Sledge to Dylan, the Rolling Stones and the Allman brothers, a musical legacy that has lasted for decades. Some of the best and most popular songs of their generation were recorded in Muscle Shoals, a place which captured some king of magic in the air and soul that could not be charted on paper. If you love music from the 60s and on, catch this documentary and revisit the mystique that was Muscle Shoals. 4 cans.
53. The Wrecking Crew (2015) – Next we move to Southern California for the music of The Righteous Brothers, the Mamas and Papas, Jan and Dean and the Beach Boys. You know their songs, but you probably don’t know the session musicians responsible for their success. This documentary by the son of Wrecking Crew guitar player Tommy Tedesco traces the formation of a group of session musicians whose prowess led to countless hits in the 60s on, mostly faceless musicians who, like “The Swampers,” didn’t need charts to contribute their unique skills to such unforgettable albums as the Beach Boys’ “Pet Sounds,” or to Phil Spector’s renowned “wall of sound.” Whether backing up countless “girl groups” (including The Ronettes, whose “Be My Baby” happens to be my all-time favorite song) or creating memorable guitar licks, these musicians were constantly busy, playing sessions morning, noon and night. They didn’t go on the road because they were in such demand in the studio. Some artists and producers scheduled their recording sessions around the availability of these talented artists. Their creativity contributed to countless standards. The group’s main bass player, Carol Kaye, a rare woman on the job, came up with an intro for “Wichita Lineman,” by former session player Glen Campbell, who went on to solo stardom. The interesting thing is that they got no credit for their work, because groups like the Beach Boys didn’t have the musical chops of the session players (except for genius Brian Wilson), but the “band” had to perform the songs at concerts. When groups like the Monkees came along, the producers wanted the public to think they played their own music, but it was the session musicians who made the actual records. Pay close attention to the section on recording with Brian Wilson and you will understand the power of talent and imagination. 4 cans.
54. 20 Feet from Stardom (2013) – I’ll take music documentaries for $200, Alex. I’m continuing my music jam with this documentary featuring some of the most talented singers to ever record. Most of them are career back-up singers, those mostly nameless, mostly black women who perform background on records – sometimes with no credit for their work – and on stage, standing behind the featured artist. But imagine Mick Jagger singing “Gimme Shelter” without Merry Clayton’s searing vocal. Think of the Ike & Tina Turner Review. Think of just about any “girl group” and you’ll find Darlene Love. Some of these singers made it to their own stardom (Luther Van Dross started as a back-up singer), but others were content to stay in the background, using their musical gifts to blend with other singers and create unforgettable harmonies. The talent level of the performers highlighted here is off the charts – even as the songs they help create and popularize topped the charts. 4 cans.
55. Homecoming* (2019) – In 2018 Beyoncé became the first black female performer to headline at the Coachella festival. With an epic performance of her hits, surrounded by as many as 200 singers, dancers and musicians, she put on a spectacular show for the ages that will intimate most other women taking the lead spot in the future. Truthfully, Beyoncé is not my favorite performer (I find some of her lyrics objectionable, and her costumes are too racy for me), but here she is a force of nature, singing, dancing, empowering, inspiring – and exhausting. I don’t know how she felt by the end of her show, but I was spent. I can see why the Hive worships its Queen. 4 cans.
56. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) – And we end our musical tour with Rob Reiner’s definitive “rockumentary,” a tour de force satire about an aging heavy metal band that might just be the worst group in history. The movie itself never hits a wrong note, thanks to the brilliance of the writers and performers – Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer and Reiner himself. It flows so naturally that it is hard to imagine that there was a script. There are cameos from Paul Simon, Howard Hesseman, Fran Drescher and other playing “important” people in the music business. Amid gigs being cancelled and drummers exploding, the band takes the stage to perform such big and awful “hits” as “Sex Farm” and “Big Bottom,” amid sets that are too small or don’t operate properly. My two favorite bits are Guest as Nigel explaining to Reiner as documentarian Marty why their amps go up to 11 instead of the standard 10 (“It’s one better”) and the lost boys racing down backstage hallways trying to find the access to the stage (“Hello, Cleveland! Rock and Roll!” they keep shouting). This clever, inventive film is a classic comedy. 4½ cans.
57. Blackklansman* (2018) – Spike Lee scores big in this depiction of the real-life story of Ron Stallworth (John David Washington), the first African-American police officer in Colorado Springs. Ron risks his life to infiltrate the Klu Klux Klan, initiating connections with the white supremacists by phone, only to have them want to meet him in person. Fellow officer Flip Zimmerman (Adam Driver) becomes the white Ron, as the two team up to take down the KKK. Meanwhile, the real Ron meets activist president of the Black Students Congress at a Stokely Carmichael rally and has to hide his profession from the woman who hates cops. All of the stereotyped white Klanspeople are on hand, including Grand Poo-bah (or whatever he is called) David Dukes. This movie is equally insulting to both blacks, whites and Jews (Flip is Jewish) – but in a way entirely consistent with the 60s. Sadly, it ends with actual footage of the white race riots in Charlottesville, Va., from 2017. The movie is brilliantly done and acted, but it is disturbing that these notions of race superiority and wanton violence continue today. 4 cans.
Sunday, April 14, 2019
Springing Into April
MYTH: No matter how many days I leave a wrinkled garment hanging in the bathroom while I shower, the wrinkles remain. The same thing is true of my face.
Why is it that the people who forget to turn off their phones or silence them at a meeting or in the movies take FOREVER to get them out of their pockets or handbags so the rest of us have to sit there and be distracted while they search? So annoying. Don’t be that person.
You know you are getting old when you get an email from AARP (start with that) with an offer for a free FLIP PHONE and service for only $20 a month. Of course, you can only make calls to 2006, but it’s only $20 a month!
I can’t say that I am NOT a fan of “Game of Thrones” because I have never watched it. Not a single minute of it. Fantasy and violence are not my thing. If I wanted fantasy, I’d go back and watch “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” because the idea that one pair of jeans can fit all four friends in that movie is enough fantasy for me. And there’s no violence, unless the girls get into a fight about somebody stretching out those pants!
Is it even possible NOT to sing along to Sonny and Cher’s “I Got You Babe?” Unless you are too young to remember it, that is.
I have one of those houseplants that people say “anyone” can keep alive. Clearly, I am not just “anyone,” because mine is now on life support. I pulled off the dead leaves and then accidentally broke off the only part remaining alive. I stuck it in water in hopes of generating new roots so I can replant it. It’s kind of like torture for the plant, but I swear it is not intentional.
Just out of curiosity, what kitchen tools or gadgets do you use most often? For me, it is a pair of tongs and a butter spreader (also used for jam, etc.). I guess you can tell I consume too many carbs if I am using a spreader so often.
My light blue mouthwash is stored dangerously close to my light blue nail polish remover. Note to self: Reorganize items under the bathroom sink.
You know things are bad when your exercise program consists mainly of bending down to reposition the throw rug.
The last time I changed the sheets, I put the clean ones on so tightly that I thought I might have to call the fire department to come over with the jaws of life to get me out of bed!
If I ever write a book, I will use a pseudonym as an author. Look for a book by Paige Turner.
I love reading books on my Kindle. It is easy on my eyes and so convenient to slip into my handbag or carry-on. But without the actual book in my hands, I often can’t remember the title and author! I know my book club friends say the same thing. So, if you ask us what we are reading, don’t be surprised if we hesitate before we can come up with the name of the book!
In a couple of weeks, I have to make remarks at a dinner event. I have three minutes. My BFF told her daughter I would actually need three hours. I hope I can find a happy medium.
For the first time in my life, the smoke detector started chirping during the afternoon and NOT in the middle of the night. It took a lot of staring at the six detectors in this house to figure out which one was the culprit and then an equal amount of time to figure out how to replace the battery. When you are just over five feet tall, chores like this are a major challenge. But up the big ladder I went, finally figuring out how to access and change the batteries in each one. Thank goodness for a taller friend in the neighborhood who was able to reach the highest one, in the bedroom, which would have kept me up all night.
As I was looking for the instructions on how to change the battery on the aforementioned smoke alarms (which for some reason I no longer have), I was shocked to see the plethora of pamphlets for every kind of appliance and device I have ever bought. OK, the large ones, for things like the furnace and refrigerator, are in a nice, neat binder that came with the house, but among the instructions in plastic bags or manila folders are those for things like the can opener, the blender and the 25-year-old toaster oven, which I have used about a zillion times. Some are for things I don’t even own anymore, and others are for things that if I can’t figure out how to work, I should not be allowed to use them in the first place.
I have become really good at avoiding eye contact with people I don’t want to talk to. It’s a small challenge, but I am up to it.
Whenever I am the 4th or 5th car in the left turn lane and the light turns green, the cars ahead of me fail to react in a timely fashion, which means I end up getting the light AGAIN and have to wait. The probability of this happening increases when it is a really LONG light, one of those lights where I feel like I could read War & Peace until it turns green again. People – pay attention!
I am 68 years old and I still double-knot my shoelaces. If the laces are long enough, I will triple-knot them.
I swear, if it weren’t for junk mail, I’d get no mail at all – except for bills that don’t get paid directly from my bank account. I am now the proud owner of one of those stamp things that you roll over your address, so I can obliterate it on every promo mailing I receive from dentists and landscapers, every invitation to attend seminars on retirement, every lawyer who wants to plan my estate, every catalog for kids books and puzzles (and how I got on that list, I’ll never know) and every offer for hearing tests and health screenings (wait, I may need those…) before I toss them into recycling.
Let’s talk about all of the fundraising being done on social media sites. I commend all of you who are running, marching, collecting or whatever to raise money for your favorite causes. I actually feel pangs of great Jewish guilt when I don’t give. But after donating for bike rides and dance marathons and cancer research initiatives and feeding poor people and polar plunges or supporting sick children, I’m feeling a little tapped out. And if you never or rarely contact me or LIKE my Facebook posts, don’t expect me to suddenly come up with a donation. Please know I support your effort, but I’m not taking out the credit card for each and every ask. But keep up the good work and feel free to give when I ask for YOUR help.
Do you ever blow your nose and your ears pop and you didn’t even know they were clogged in the first place?
When I watch programs on my DVR, Comcast marks the location of the commercials. This feature enables the viewer to hit the FAST FORWARD button, and the show will resume at the end of the commercial block (thank you, Comcast/Xfinity). If this feature is available from your cable company, check it out. In watching a 3-hour edition of American Idol recently, I counted 14 commercial blocks, so imagine wasting that much time. I prefer to watch programs on the DVR rather than live just so I can skip the ads.
I managed to use the words “ethereal” and “befuddled” today. My work here is done.
Why is it that the people who forget to turn off their phones or silence them at a meeting or in the movies take FOREVER to get them out of their pockets or handbags so the rest of us have to sit there and be distracted while they search? So annoying. Don’t be that person.
You know you are getting old when you get an email from AARP (start with that) with an offer for a free FLIP PHONE and service for only $20 a month. Of course, you can only make calls to 2006, but it’s only $20 a month!
I can’t say that I am NOT a fan of “Game of Thrones” because I have never watched it. Not a single minute of it. Fantasy and violence are not my thing. If I wanted fantasy, I’d go back and watch “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” because the idea that one pair of jeans can fit all four friends in that movie is enough fantasy for me. And there’s no violence, unless the girls get into a fight about somebody stretching out those pants!
Is it even possible NOT to sing along to Sonny and Cher’s “I Got You Babe?” Unless you are too young to remember it, that is.
I have one of those houseplants that people say “anyone” can keep alive. Clearly, I am not just “anyone,” because mine is now on life support. I pulled off the dead leaves and then accidentally broke off the only part remaining alive. I stuck it in water in hopes of generating new roots so I can replant it. It’s kind of like torture for the plant, but I swear it is not intentional.
Just out of curiosity, what kitchen tools or gadgets do you use most often? For me, it is a pair of tongs and a butter spreader (also used for jam, etc.). I guess you can tell I consume too many carbs if I am using a spreader so often.
My light blue mouthwash is stored dangerously close to my light blue nail polish remover. Note to self: Reorganize items under the bathroom sink.
You know things are bad when your exercise program consists mainly of bending down to reposition the throw rug.
The last time I changed the sheets, I put the clean ones on so tightly that I thought I might have to call the fire department to come over with the jaws of life to get me out of bed!
If I ever write a book, I will use a pseudonym as an author. Look for a book by Paige Turner.
I love reading books on my Kindle. It is easy on my eyes and so convenient to slip into my handbag or carry-on. But without the actual book in my hands, I often can’t remember the title and author! I know my book club friends say the same thing. So, if you ask us what we are reading, don’t be surprised if we hesitate before we can come up with the name of the book!
In a couple of weeks, I have to make remarks at a dinner event. I have three minutes. My BFF told her daughter I would actually need three hours. I hope I can find a happy medium.
For the first time in my life, the smoke detector started chirping during the afternoon and NOT in the middle of the night. It took a lot of staring at the six detectors in this house to figure out which one was the culprit and then an equal amount of time to figure out how to replace the battery. When you are just over five feet tall, chores like this are a major challenge. But up the big ladder I went, finally figuring out how to access and change the batteries in each one. Thank goodness for a taller friend in the neighborhood who was able to reach the highest one, in the bedroom, which would have kept me up all night.
As I was looking for the instructions on how to change the battery on the aforementioned smoke alarms (which for some reason I no longer have), I was shocked to see the plethora of pamphlets for every kind of appliance and device I have ever bought. OK, the large ones, for things like the furnace and refrigerator, are in a nice, neat binder that came with the house, but among the instructions in plastic bags or manila folders are those for things like the can opener, the blender and the 25-year-old toaster oven, which I have used about a zillion times. Some are for things I don’t even own anymore, and others are for things that if I can’t figure out how to work, I should not be allowed to use them in the first place.
I have become really good at avoiding eye contact with people I don’t want to talk to. It’s a small challenge, but I am up to it.
Whenever I am the 4th or 5th car in the left turn lane and the light turns green, the cars ahead of me fail to react in a timely fashion, which means I end up getting the light AGAIN and have to wait. The probability of this happening increases when it is a really LONG light, one of those lights where I feel like I could read War & Peace until it turns green again. People – pay attention!
I am 68 years old and I still double-knot my shoelaces. If the laces are long enough, I will triple-knot them.
I swear, if it weren’t for junk mail, I’d get no mail at all – except for bills that don’t get paid directly from my bank account. I am now the proud owner of one of those stamp things that you roll over your address, so I can obliterate it on every promo mailing I receive from dentists and landscapers, every invitation to attend seminars on retirement, every lawyer who wants to plan my estate, every catalog for kids books and puzzles (and how I got on that list, I’ll never know) and every offer for hearing tests and health screenings (wait, I may need those…) before I toss them into recycling.
Let’s talk about all of the fundraising being done on social media sites. I commend all of you who are running, marching, collecting or whatever to raise money for your favorite causes. I actually feel pangs of great Jewish guilt when I don’t give. But after donating for bike rides and dance marathons and cancer research initiatives and feeding poor people and polar plunges or supporting sick children, I’m feeling a little tapped out. And if you never or rarely contact me or LIKE my Facebook posts, don’t expect me to suddenly come up with a donation. Please know I support your effort, but I’m not taking out the credit card for each and every ask. But keep up the good work and feel free to give when I ask for YOUR help.
Do you ever blow your nose and your ears pop and you didn’t even know they were clogged in the first place?
When I watch programs on my DVR, Comcast marks the location of the commercials. This feature enables the viewer to hit the FAST FORWARD button, and the show will resume at the end of the commercial block (thank you, Comcast/Xfinity). If this feature is available from your cable company, check it out. In watching a 3-hour edition of American Idol recently, I counted 14 commercial blocks, so imagine wasting that much time. I prefer to watch programs on the DVR rather than live just so I can skip the ads.
I managed to use the words “ethereal” and “befuddled” today. My work here is done.
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