If the bags under my eyes get any bigger, I will have to check them with my luggage when I travel because they won’t qualify as carry-ons.
Everyone who has ever lived in the Somerville area is familiar with the nightmare we call the Somerville Circle. So what idiot decided it would be a good idea to put a new QuickChek – complete with a gas station, not just a store – right between the entrance to the circle from 202 and the exit to 206 South? They might as well leave a patrol car and an ambulance in the parking lot, because with all the traffic in that area already, the last thing anyone needed is a business that is based on people pulling in and pulling out constantly. This is absolutely an accident (actually, many accidents) waiting to happen.
What is more frustrating than walking around Kohl’s with a 30% coupon in your pocket and not finding ANYTHING to buy?
I must toss and turn more in bed than I thought. This morning, by the time I got out of bed (after a few trips to the bathroom), I had already logged three-quarters of a mile on my Garmin Vivofit fitness tracker.
I recently subscribed to “Book Bub,” a service that sends me daily emails with recommendations of books I might like to read, based on categories that I select. The books are available digitally and they are inexpensive, so I can stock up and always have a “stack” of books on my Kindle. The problem is that the email announcing the books comes EVERY SINGLE DAY! Who can read that much? I might have MORE time to read if I had fewer of these messages to review every day. Books that look interesting are ones I may choose to download, but will I ever get around to reading them? I’m beginning to feel like Lucy in the candy factory episode when the supervisor tells production to “speed it up!”
What a pleasure it is to have a working computer again! My previous laptop was on Death Row for a long time. It would be randomly unable to connect to the Internet or disconnect itself from the Internet, refuse to give me the sign-on screen (which I would get rid of in a heartbeat if I could figure out how) and periodically freeze when I was in the middle of working on a Word doc. The new one turns on and gets right to work. I don’t ask for much in life, so if this is what makes me happy, so be it. I give myself props for doing the entire set-up and transferring over all my files all by myself. I’m not ready to be the Help Desk for anyone, but at least I didn’t have to pay the Geek Squad for doing something I could do on my own.
For the first time in 46 years, I had to go to a drugstore and pay retail for BAND-AID Brand Adhesive Bandages. My leftover stash from my 34 years at Johnson & Johnson finally diminished and the few remaining were so old that they still had strings! Believe me, it was traumatic. My colleagues with whom I shared this incident all suggested I go to the company store or order online, but neither the drive nor the shipping cost was worth it for a single box. Let’s see how many years it takes me to get through this new batch.
It’s not fair that we must carefully care for our gardens, feeding and watering the flowers and the vegetables – even talking to them – and yet weeds can spring up anywhere, like through cracks in the sidewalk or driveway or even among the bushes, and they remain strong and hearty without getting any water aside from what Mother Nature supplies
.
I’m sending a big thank you to the person who invented the stain stick. I always seem to drop meal remnants on my tops – even though I generally use a dishtowel to protect my clothes. A few swipes of the stain stick and the stain is gone. Shout out (get it?) to the inventor!
Why do I always pick the wrong checkout line? You know, the one with the person with 25 items in the 20-or-under line. Or the one with the person who buys 40 things and has 35 coupons. The one with the person who has to enter in his phone number because his card isn’t among the 50 things dangling from his keychain. Or the one where the register tape needs to be changed, or it is time for the cashier to go on break. ALWAYS.
And speaking of checkout lines, are there really that many people who buy beef jerky? There are all different types of beef jerky, and the product is often on display while you are waiting to check out so they can entice you into buying it. Am I the only person who has never eaten beef jerky and who cannot imagine even trying it?
Having an expiration date on a product – food or drug – would be even more helpful if you could actually find and read them. I have spent 10 minutes examining a jar of spaghetti sauce just to see if I could locate the expiration date. My jar of cocktail sauce features the expiration information in YELLOW type on the WHITE lid! On some products, the package is coded. If I am making dinner and want to use a can of whatever, how am I supposed to crack a code that is unintelligible? I would like to see packages that I don’t have to hold up to a light so I can read the date. And everything this side of paper napkins should be clearly coded. OK, rant over!
I was disturbed recently to see an unconscionable increase in the price of my beloved Bumble Bee Tuna (premium albacore in the 2.5 oz packet) from $1.69 to $1.99 each. Not that I am giving up tuna and not that I would EVER eat anything other than Bumble Bee. Just don’t tell the company, because I’ll be eating their tuna when it costs $5 a package. I didn’t grow up with the nickname “Tina Tuna” for nothing, you know.
The other day I actually cooked, after having taken some time off and relying on leftovers or eating out, etc. I don’t mind cooking, but when I am done, the kitchen looks like the victim of a home invasion. I practically have to repaint the room. And as for the suggestion that I clean up as I go, I had two pans going at the same time, so cleaning wasn’t on the schedule with all that cooking going on! Luckily, the house was thoroughly cleaned the next day, so it looks better than it did BEFORE the cooking began.
Let’s face it – pretty much ANYTHING tastes good when fried. I think I could put bread crumbs on a shoe, throw it into a pan of hot oil and it would be yummy. (Recipe not included.)
I’ve reached the age when half of my freezer is filled with ice packs. Ice packs for lunch bags, yes, but mostly ice packs for various body parts: One in a wrap that I can use when my knees ache, a small one with an elastic wrap I can use on my hands, and the latest addition, one that fits neatly over my eye to soothe it if it gets irritated from the monthly eye injections I get to combat macular degeneration. Ice, ice, baby!
On a similar topic, I have a bag of various boots and braces I have worn for aching Achilles tendon issues and plantar fasciitis. I also am the owner of several types of wrist braces for carpal tunnel. I feel like I own a medical supply company! This getting old is not for the weak.
I’m pretty sure the sound of my sneezes is different than it used to be. They sound more like my father’s sneezes, which were a very loud “CHA.” I also seem in general to be making more sounds that are reminiscent of my parents, such as when I get up off the couch, bend over or lift something. Let’s face it, this is the soundtrack of old age.
I recently had to load staples into my stapler. The box, which I have had for years, contains 5000 staples. That is a lot of staples, enough that I guess I will end up leaving them to someone in my will.
One of my many idiosyncrasies is the direction of my money. All bills must be facing the same way and must always be in ascending order. You don’t even get them from the bank this way anymore.
Kudos for whoever designed the nooks and crannies in an English muffin. A little blueberry preserves or melted butter hiding in those places makes the muffin experience so yummy!
I just stupidly subscribed to New Jersey magazine, which means I will no longer have anything to read at the doctor’s office beyond Diabetes Digest. And an offer to re-subscribe to Vanity Fair was too good to pass up (plus they threw in a Vanity Fair canvas tote bag, just in case I don’t have enough tote bags already). I stopped getting the magazine, which I really enjoy, because I found myself not getting around to reading the articles (the fashion part is lost on me). And here we go again. I guess I will just bring it with me when I go to the doctor!
The things you have to do take up the time in which you have to do them. Example – if you only have half a day to do all your errands, you will squeeze them in. If you have a full day, you may not accomplish more than you did with half the time, but you just do the same things more slowly (and maybe stop for some refreshments). True or false?
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Tina's July 2018 Movies (and more)
You can see that I had a little time on my hands in July, and I used it to watch 21 movies. This month's haul includes a couple that I rated worthy of 5 cans (scoring is on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, with 5 being the highest). New movies are marked with an asterisk and numbering picks up from the previous month.
73. Darling Companion* (2012) – From the title, you would assume this is a love story between two people, but it is mostly about a woman’s unrelenting love for her beloved dog. Diane Keaton is the wife of Kevin Kline, a smug, self-centered doctor who pays much more attention to his practice than he does to his wife. When she brings home a rescue dog, Freeway, they both assume custodial duty, but he is always on his phone while taking the dog out for a walk. When they are at their cabin in Colorado, he loses the dog, and she refuses to leave until they find the pet and rescue him all over again. This is a light movie which probably plays better to pet lovers than it did to me. But I love both Keaton and Kline as actors, so it was worth watching just this once. 2½ cans.
74. The Four Seasons (1981) – M*A*S*H* star Alan Alda appeared in a number of movies around this time, all intended for grown-up audiences. Here he co-stars with Carol Burnett as his wife and good buddies played by Len Cariou, Rita Moreno and Jack Weston as three couples so close that they vacation together. When Cariou’s character has the temerity to divorce his bland wife (Sandy Dennis) and fall for a vivacious, younger woman (Bess Armstrong), he upsets the balance among the group. Their respective annoying habits and insecurities come out through their banter and they can really get on each other’s nerves – as couples and as friends. Armstrong’s character is the most honest, while the more “mature” adults are either too reluctant to express their issues or they go overboard. This movie has its moments of warmth and humor in depicting married people whose relationships ebb and flow. 3½ cans.
75. Billie Jean King: Portrait of a Pioneer* (HBO) – Billie Jean King is probably as well-known for what she did for the women’s movement in the 1970s in this country as she is for her tremendous accomplishments on the tennis court. This documentary traces her rise from the courts of Southern California to the courts at the Old England Racket Club and beyond. A champion at Wimbledon many times over – in women’s singles, doubles and mixed doubles – Billie Jean worked just as hard to ensure equal pay for women. She not only ushered in big-time tennis for women professionals, she summarily dismissed Bobby Riggs in their spectacular “Battle of the Sexes.” Even today’s tennis pros and the organizers of the sport understand the gratitude they owe to Billie Jean, as evidenced by putting her name on the stadium where the US Open is played. I have to confess, BJK is one of my sheroes. She should be one of everyone’s heroes. 4 cans.
76. Glory Road (2006) – I am old enough (barely) and have been a basketball fan long enough to actually remember the events captured by this movie. Josh Lucas portrays Don Haskins, hired as the new coach of Texas Western University in the late ‘60s, who does something unprecedented: He recruits inner city players and improbably brings his inexperienced team to the NCAA Championship in an era when black players were barely considered for college play. In the NCAA 1967 final against Adolph Rupp and his all-white Kentucky team, Haskins starts five of his black players. In the course of the season, Haskins shows his team how to win – in the game and at life. An uplifting, inspiring story that recalls how racism is everywhere – then and now. 4 cans.
77. Catch & Release* (2006) – Jennifer Garner has to face the death of her fiancée while discovering that she didn’t know as much about him as she thought she did. She learns more by hanging out and getting close with his roommates (Kevin Smith, Sam Jaeger and Timothy Olyphant), maybe a little too close. Cute but nothing really worth writing about here. 3 cans.
78. Die Hard 2 (1990) – I don’t watch many action movies, but the original “Die Hard” stands out for its action, its humor and for Bruce Willis as LA cop John McClane. Here, instead of a building being taken over by terrorists, it is an airport in Washington DC, where McClane is waiting for the arrival of his wife (Bonnie Bedelia) when terrorists take over the airport. McClane outwits the airport security team as well as the bad guys in once again saving the day (you didn’t think our hero was going to perish, did you?) The first one in this series was so much better, and the last one was forgettable. This one? I could see this a dozen times and still not understand what the bad guys were trying to pull off. And when McClane finds his way through the labyrinth of underground passageways to the right runway to stop the plane, I had to call bullshit. I can’t even find my way around the airport with signs everywhere! 3½ cans.
79. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) – When I posted on-line that I was watching this film for the umpteenth time, some wise friend noted, “You can’t NOT watch it.” True. It is the perfect movie, about strength and friendship, respect and hope -- and all under the guise of a bunch of criminals who live at a prison in Maine. Tim Robbins is understated and touching as convicted murderer and former banker Andy Dufresne and Morgan Freeman is outstanding as his best buddy, Red. If you have not seen this movie or if you don’t love this movie, I’m pretty sure we cannot be friends. 5 cans.
80. A Star Is Born (1976) – It may be corny, it may be a cliché, but this version of the classic story of a rock star whose career is on the decline who meets and falls in love with a woman whose career is on the rise is compelling to see. Barbra Streisand is at the height of her vocal prowess as Esther Hoffman, an unassuming woman who isn’t looking for love when John Norman Howard (an underrated Kris Kristofferson) bulls his way into her life and sets her on a path to stardom. He is nothing but trouble, drinking excessively, using drugs, being stubbornly irresponsible (he doesn’t even know how many rooms are in his LA mansion), but he has a sweetness about him that makes it easy for her to fall for him. He has been singing the same songs for a long time and his stardom is fading just as her bursts of creativity are making her well-known and a popular new music star. There is a new version of this movie heading our way, starring Bradley Cooper (who also directed) and Lady Gaga in the lead roles, so I figured this was a good opportunity to brush up on the ASIB lure. I loved it 40 years ago and still love it. 4 cans.
81. Robin Williams: Come Inside my Mind* (2018) – I’m not sure there would have been room inside Robin Williams’ mind, which is filled with so many characters you’ve seen and hear in his epic comedy rants. This HBO documentary traces the clever comedian’s life, growing up almost like an only child and wanting to win approval. Moving from Michigan to Northern California put Williams in the right place at the right time, giving him the chance to develop his amazing comic chops and band with a brotherhood of comedians. Well trained in drama, Williams fed his addiction to comedy with stand-up, followed by TV and movies, always entertaining his fellow thespians with material not exactly in the script. Here a plethora of comedy comrades talk lovingly but realistically about his excesses – from drugs and booze to women and performing nonstop. It is hard to watch his life story without feeling a tremendous sense of loss – for his family, his friends and his fans. He was a gifted and amazing man and it is unlikely we will ever see a performer like Robin Williams again. 4 cans and a few tears shed.
82. Shattered Glass (2003) – Young (25) writer Stephen Glass gets caught up in a fraud of his own making in this drama that is based on a true story. A writer for The New Republic magazine, Glass (Hayden Christiansen) is a bright and eager-to-please young talent. His insecurities manifest themselves with his constant asking of peers and superiors, “Are you mad at me?” His boss Chuck (Peter Saarsgard) at first indulges his charm yet he is wary when Glass spins detailed accounts of amusing incidents. Then one day Chuck gets a call from a digital magazine that raises doubts about a story Glass wrote on a “hackers” convention. His notes are full of details, but it becomes increasingly clear that they are fabrications. Glass has excuses and denials, but when Chuck accompanies him to the place where the alleged convention took placed, he knows for sure that Glass made it up. This is a shattering story of an ambitious young person without journalistic integrity but he is certainly not the only prominent writer to have committed this journalistic impropriety (The Times’ Janet Cooke won a Pulitzer Prize for a story she largely concocted) – not that I am condoning it in any way. Ironically, today Glass is a lawyer, living and working in Washington, DC, so his fall from grace was not exactly lethal. 4 cans.
83. Die Hard (1988) – OK, since I watched Die Hard 2 earlier in the week, I thought I’d let myself go back to see where this franchise began. John McClane (Bruce Willis) is the perfect wise-guy hero, a live action figure with great lines, whose estranged wife (Bonnie Bedelia) just happens to work in a building that is taken over by terrorists looking for millions in bonds. There is plenty of action – shooting, crawling through elevator shafts, sending dead bodies flying out of skyscraper windows) – and how McClain not only survives by outwits, outplays and outlasts the bad guys is the stuff movies are made of. Mindless but entertaining. 3½ cans, as action movies go.
84. Absolute Power (1997) – Ten years after he played the Secretary of Defense in the terrific “No Way Out,” Gene Hackman is back to play the President of the United States, still flexing his power and looking for someone to blame when his illicit girlfriend is killed. Clint Eastwood, who directed this suspenseful thriller, is an old jewel thief, a real pro at the top of his game, and he is immediately suspected of the murder when the authorities find that the woman’s jewels have been stolen. Oh, he was there, alright, so he actually knows what happened but he is forced to stay one step ahead of the authorities and the bad guys looking to blame him. This movie really held my attention as Clint’s Luther has to outfox the good and bad guys and protect his estranged daughter since the authorities want to use her to get to him. 4 cans.
85. Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987) – No, it isn’t Thanksgiving, but I was looking for something that was funny and light, and this Steve Martin-John Candy buddy movie fits the description perfectly. Martin’s Neil Page is desperate to get home for Thanksgiving, and when he runs into traveling salesman Del (Candy), who is also headed home, the two are first rivals and then grudgingly friends as they face the worst travel adversities (including trains, planes and automobiles – plus a few trucks). Del is a talkative guy who drives Neal crazy as the two are thrown together. This is a guy you don’t want as a seatmate. Anything that can go wrong here does go wrong, and in hilarious style. Candy driving down the highway in the dark while listening to Ray Charles singing “The Mess Around” is only one of the great scenes. 4 cans and a suitcase full of laughs.
86. Beverly Hills Cop (1974) – This is the comedy-action movie that propelled Eddie Murphy from Saturday Night Live to movie star status. His Axel Foley is a Detroit cop who is quick-witted and unconventional. When a childhood friend returns home from California to visit Foley and is murdered, Axel heads west to track down the killers. The Beverly Hills cops are not pleased to see him disrupting their version of law and order, but he eventually wins them over as his unorthodox methods lead them all to the bad guy. Murphy plays all of his comedy cards here and gives a memorable performance. This movie and “Trading Places” are still the best movies in his long resume. The story alone rates 3 cans, but Murphy’s performance pulls this movie up to a 4.
87. Witness to Murder* (1954) – Cheryl Draper (Barbara Stanwyck) lives close enough to Albert Richter (George Sanders) to see into his window, and one night she sees something she wishes she hadn’t – a murder. She contacts the police and Lt. Matthews (Gary Merrill) and his partner come over to check things out. In the meantime, however, Richter has moved the body to an empty apartment, leaving exactly no clues for the investigators. The case starts to really go awry when the clever Richter starts gaslighting Ms. Draper by sneaking into her apartment and writing threatening notes on her typewriter, making it appear that SHE is sending them to him. Even the cops think that she didn’t really see a murder, telling her that it was just a dream. Eventually, she starts questioning herself: Could she have written the notes? Did she really see the murder or was in her imagination? I thought this was a very intriguing drama, and it reminded me of “Rear Window” and of a book I recently read, “The Woman in the Window.” The moral of the story? Close the curtains! 3½ cans.
88. ET: The Extra Terrestrial (1982) – I typically have no interest in any kind of science fiction since I am so down-to-earth that I have trouble suspending my sense of reality. But suspend away for this incredibly moving story about the gentle extraterrestrial creature who ends up on earth and in the home of Elliott (Henry Thomas). Elliott is a typical kid, with an older brother and younger sister (an indescribably adorable Drew Barrymore at age 5 or so). He is curious, and when the creature he ultimately names E.T. (for Extraterrestrial) shows up, he gets over his initial fear and becomes friends with this new creature. This is not so much a sci-fi movie as it is a story of hope, love, friendship and acceptance. When someone or something comes into your life that doesn’t look like you, talk like you or understand you, reach out, teach him and you may find a memorable experience that will enrich your life. The superb acting by the kids in this movie, the amazing direction by Steven Spielberg, the fanciful script and the soaring music by John Williams all make this movie one of the best movies EVER. 5 cans, and don’t forget to phone home.
89. Paper Clips (2005) – This remarkable documentary tells the story of Whitman Middle School in rural Tennessee, where, in 1999, students collected 6 million paperclips (the final tally was 29 million) to honor the victims of the Holocaust. The collection demonstrated to them the enormity of the horrors of intolerance and hate and seems especially relevant in today's fractured US society. We cannot allow such dehumanization of any people to happen again. Bring tissues. I own the DVD but caught the movie on Jewish Life TV (JLTV) on Comcast. 5 cans.
90. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?* (2018) – Mr. (Fred) Rogers became a TV icon with his children’s show that aired on PBS for decades. His gentle approach to serious, everyday subjects won him acclaim from parents and parenting experts and adoration from kids. His quiet conversation, delivered in a languorous way of speaking, gave children reassurance that each child is “special.” By calling each child special, he wasn’t advocating that annoying “every kid gets a trophy” philosophy. He promoted trust and faith in themselves. As an ordained minister, he was well equipped to deliver important, impactful messages in a non-secular way. He believed in love and trust and educated children with the kind of subtlety that contradicts the car crashing, video gaming mentality that is often what children see on TV. He delivered good, sound and simple advice in the wake of national tragedies, such as the assassination of Robert Kennedy and the explosion of the Challenger aircraft. Built from clips from his shows and interviews with Mr. Rogers, his colleagues, friends and wife, this documentary offers insight into a simple man with a simple message that had more depth than a submarine. If Mr. Rogers were your neighbor, you would be assured of a quiet neighborhood. 3½ cans.
91. Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again* (2018) – If you go into something with really low expectations, it is less likely that you will be disappointed, and such was the case with this sequel of the original musical. This festive romp about a young woman who gives birth to a daughter but isn’t sure which one of three men (Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan and Stellan Skarsgard) is her father, builds on the original. Through flashbacks (nicely edited), we see Sophie in the present day (Amanda Seyfried) trying to reopen the hotel dreamed about by her late mother (Meryl Streep) in the land that she loved – Greece. Flashbacks show Sophie’s Mom Donna (Lily James) at Sophie’s age and we meet the three young men who eventually became her father. Her mother’s old bandmates (Christine Baranski and Julie Walters) are on hand for the festivities, still mourning the death of their friend the prior year. The movie weaves in the ABBA songs well and the entire movie is, as a friend pointed out, the equivalent of a “beach read” – light on the drama and overall just a fun day at the movies. If you want suspense or action, this movie is not for you. But any movie that has Cher AND Meryl Streep is one I will always watch. And, thankfully, Pierce Brosnan barely sings at all this time around. 3 cans.
92. Three Identical Strangers* (2018) – This movie proves the old adage “Truth is stranger than fiction.” When Bobby Shafran enrolls in college, he is greeted as an old friend by people who are strangers to him. That’s because they mistake him for his brother, Eddie, a brother whom he had never met. A mutual friend tells him he knows Eddie and knows they share the same birthday. Sure enough, Eddie and Bobby were given up by their mother and their adoption was arranged by the same agency. Overjoyed to meet each other, the young men are even more surprised when a third brother, David, surfaces. The boys soak up their 15 minutes of fame, making TV appearances and hanging out at Studio 54. But families have their secrets, and as close as the boys are (they lived together at one point and even started a club together), they have different backgrounds and very different adoptive families. This story is gripping, with twists and turns and ethical issues you probably won’t see coming. Oh, brother! 4 cans.
93. Orange Is the New Black, Season 6* (2018) – I waited more than a year to see what happened to the ladies of Litchfield prison after last season’s riot and the murder of a guard. And then I watched the entire 13-episode season in 4 days. The new season is much less intense than the powerful drama of last year. Overall it is lighter, brighter (they actually go outside for fresh air) and funnier (pretty much anything is funnier than a prison riot, I guess), BUT, now the inmates have been moved from minimum security to max, where the rules are harsher and where there are preexisting gangs built around the geography of the prison and not organized by race or nationality. Some characters have disappeared this year, moved to other prisons, but erstwhile star of the show, Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling), and her girlfriend Alex Vause (Laura Prepon), are still on hand. Among the new characters are a pair of feuding sisters, a small but fierce tough woman and a psychopath. Just as much of last year centered around inmate Tastee, who handled negotiations for the inmates, this year sees Tastee (Denise Brooks) in a prominent role, accused of the murder of the extremely abusive guard who was killed in the riot. To reveal more would not be fair to the fans of the show who have yet to enjoy the whole series. But I will say that my favorite line of the season, and maybe of the series itself, takes place when the inmates are allowed to make a phone call, and Black Cindy (Adrienne C. Moore), a convert to Judaism, calls her rabbi and greets him with, “Rabbi, it’s your girl, Tova.” Kudos especially to Brooks and Moore for stellar work this year. (There is also a great line that has to do with the Wahlberg brothers, but since this is a family blog, I’ll refrain from sharing it.) The only downside is that I have to wait another year to watch Season 7. 4½ cans.
73. Darling Companion* (2012) – From the title, you would assume this is a love story between two people, but it is mostly about a woman’s unrelenting love for her beloved dog. Diane Keaton is the wife of Kevin Kline, a smug, self-centered doctor who pays much more attention to his practice than he does to his wife. When she brings home a rescue dog, Freeway, they both assume custodial duty, but he is always on his phone while taking the dog out for a walk. When they are at their cabin in Colorado, he loses the dog, and she refuses to leave until they find the pet and rescue him all over again. This is a light movie which probably plays better to pet lovers than it did to me. But I love both Keaton and Kline as actors, so it was worth watching just this once. 2½ cans.
74. The Four Seasons (1981) – M*A*S*H* star Alan Alda appeared in a number of movies around this time, all intended for grown-up audiences. Here he co-stars with Carol Burnett as his wife and good buddies played by Len Cariou, Rita Moreno and Jack Weston as three couples so close that they vacation together. When Cariou’s character has the temerity to divorce his bland wife (Sandy Dennis) and fall for a vivacious, younger woman (Bess Armstrong), he upsets the balance among the group. Their respective annoying habits and insecurities come out through their banter and they can really get on each other’s nerves – as couples and as friends. Armstrong’s character is the most honest, while the more “mature” adults are either too reluctant to express their issues or they go overboard. This movie has its moments of warmth and humor in depicting married people whose relationships ebb and flow. 3½ cans.
75. Billie Jean King: Portrait of a Pioneer* (HBO) – Billie Jean King is probably as well-known for what she did for the women’s movement in the 1970s in this country as she is for her tremendous accomplishments on the tennis court. This documentary traces her rise from the courts of Southern California to the courts at the Old England Racket Club and beyond. A champion at Wimbledon many times over – in women’s singles, doubles and mixed doubles – Billie Jean worked just as hard to ensure equal pay for women. She not only ushered in big-time tennis for women professionals, she summarily dismissed Bobby Riggs in their spectacular “Battle of the Sexes.” Even today’s tennis pros and the organizers of the sport understand the gratitude they owe to Billie Jean, as evidenced by putting her name on the stadium where the US Open is played. I have to confess, BJK is one of my sheroes. She should be one of everyone’s heroes. 4 cans.
76. Glory Road (2006) – I am old enough (barely) and have been a basketball fan long enough to actually remember the events captured by this movie. Josh Lucas portrays Don Haskins, hired as the new coach of Texas Western University in the late ‘60s, who does something unprecedented: He recruits inner city players and improbably brings his inexperienced team to the NCAA Championship in an era when black players were barely considered for college play. In the NCAA 1967 final against Adolph Rupp and his all-white Kentucky team, Haskins starts five of his black players. In the course of the season, Haskins shows his team how to win – in the game and at life. An uplifting, inspiring story that recalls how racism is everywhere – then and now. 4 cans.
77. Catch & Release* (2006) – Jennifer Garner has to face the death of her fiancée while discovering that she didn’t know as much about him as she thought she did. She learns more by hanging out and getting close with his roommates (Kevin Smith, Sam Jaeger and Timothy Olyphant), maybe a little too close. Cute but nothing really worth writing about here. 3 cans.
78. Die Hard 2 (1990) – I don’t watch many action movies, but the original “Die Hard” stands out for its action, its humor and for Bruce Willis as LA cop John McClane. Here, instead of a building being taken over by terrorists, it is an airport in Washington DC, where McClane is waiting for the arrival of his wife (Bonnie Bedelia) when terrorists take over the airport. McClane outwits the airport security team as well as the bad guys in once again saving the day (you didn’t think our hero was going to perish, did you?) The first one in this series was so much better, and the last one was forgettable. This one? I could see this a dozen times and still not understand what the bad guys were trying to pull off. And when McClane finds his way through the labyrinth of underground passageways to the right runway to stop the plane, I had to call bullshit. I can’t even find my way around the airport with signs everywhere! 3½ cans.
79. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) – When I posted on-line that I was watching this film for the umpteenth time, some wise friend noted, “You can’t NOT watch it.” True. It is the perfect movie, about strength and friendship, respect and hope -- and all under the guise of a bunch of criminals who live at a prison in Maine. Tim Robbins is understated and touching as convicted murderer and former banker Andy Dufresne and Morgan Freeman is outstanding as his best buddy, Red. If you have not seen this movie or if you don’t love this movie, I’m pretty sure we cannot be friends. 5 cans.
80. A Star Is Born (1976) – It may be corny, it may be a cliché, but this version of the classic story of a rock star whose career is on the decline who meets and falls in love with a woman whose career is on the rise is compelling to see. Barbra Streisand is at the height of her vocal prowess as Esther Hoffman, an unassuming woman who isn’t looking for love when John Norman Howard (an underrated Kris Kristofferson) bulls his way into her life and sets her on a path to stardom. He is nothing but trouble, drinking excessively, using drugs, being stubbornly irresponsible (he doesn’t even know how many rooms are in his LA mansion), but he has a sweetness about him that makes it easy for her to fall for him. He has been singing the same songs for a long time and his stardom is fading just as her bursts of creativity are making her well-known and a popular new music star. There is a new version of this movie heading our way, starring Bradley Cooper (who also directed) and Lady Gaga in the lead roles, so I figured this was a good opportunity to brush up on the ASIB lure. I loved it 40 years ago and still love it. 4 cans.
81. Robin Williams: Come Inside my Mind* (2018) – I’m not sure there would have been room inside Robin Williams’ mind, which is filled with so many characters you’ve seen and hear in his epic comedy rants. This HBO documentary traces the clever comedian’s life, growing up almost like an only child and wanting to win approval. Moving from Michigan to Northern California put Williams in the right place at the right time, giving him the chance to develop his amazing comic chops and band with a brotherhood of comedians. Well trained in drama, Williams fed his addiction to comedy with stand-up, followed by TV and movies, always entertaining his fellow thespians with material not exactly in the script. Here a plethora of comedy comrades talk lovingly but realistically about his excesses – from drugs and booze to women and performing nonstop. It is hard to watch his life story without feeling a tremendous sense of loss – for his family, his friends and his fans. He was a gifted and amazing man and it is unlikely we will ever see a performer like Robin Williams again. 4 cans and a few tears shed.
82. Shattered Glass (2003) – Young (25) writer Stephen Glass gets caught up in a fraud of his own making in this drama that is based on a true story. A writer for The New Republic magazine, Glass (Hayden Christiansen) is a bright and eager-to-please young talent. His insecurities manifest themselves with his constant asking of peers and superiors, “Are you mad at me?” His boss Chuck (Peter Saarsgard) at first indulges his charm yet he is wary when Glass spins detailed accounts of amusing incidents. Then one day Chuck gets a call from a digital magazine that raises doubts about a story Glass wrote on a “hackers” convention. His notes are full of details, but it becomes increasingly clear that they are fabrications. Glass has excuses and denials, but when Chuck accompanies him to the place where the alleged convention took placed, he knows for sure that Glass made it up. This is a shattering story of an ambitious young person without journalistic integrity but he is certainly not the only prominent writer to have committed this journalistic impropriety (The Times’ Janet Cooke won a Pulitzer Prize for a story she largely concocted) – not that I am condoning it in any way. Ironically, today Glass is a lawyer, living and working in Washington, DC, so his fall from grace was not exactly lethal. 4 cans.
83. Die Hard (1988) – OK, since I watched Die Hard 2 earlier in the week, I thought I’d let myself go back to see where this franchise began. John McClane (Bruce Willis) is the perfect wise-guy hero, a live action figure with great lines, whose estranged wife (Bonnie Bedelia) just happens to work in a building that is taken over by terrorists looking for millions in bonds. There is plenty of action – shooting, crawling through elevator shafts, sending dead bodies flying out of skyscraper windows) – and how McClain not only survives by outwits, outplays and outlasts the bad guys is the stuff movies are made of. Mindless but entertaining. 3½ cans, as action movies go.
84. Absolute Power (1997) – Ten years after he played the Secretary of Defense in the terrific “No Way Out,” Gene Hackman is back to play the President of the United States, still flexing his power and looking for someone to blame when his illicit girlfriend is killed. Clint Eastwood, who directed this suspenseful thriller, is an old jewel thief, a real pro at the top of his game, and he is immediately suspected of the murder when the authorities find that the woman’s jewels have been stolen. Oh, he was there, alright, so he actually knows what happened but he is forced to stay one step ahead of the authorities and the bad guys looking to blame him. This movie really held my attention as Clint’s Luther has to outfox the good and bad guys and protect his estranged daughter since the authorities want to use her to get to him. 4 cans.
85. Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987) – No, it isn’t Thanksgiving, but I was looking for something that was funny and light, and this Steve Martin-John Candy buddy movie fits the description perfectly. Martin’s Neil Page is desperate to get home for Thanksgiving, and when he runs into traveling salesman Del (Candy), who is also headed home, the two are first rivals and then grudgingly friends as they face the worst travel adversities (including trains, planes and automobiles – plus a few trucks). Del is a talkative guy who drives Neal crazy as the two are thrown together. This is a guy you don’t want as a seatmate. Anything that can go wrong here does go wrong, and in hilarious style. Candy driving down the highway in the dark while listening to Ray Charles singing “The Mess Around” is only one of the great scenes. 4 cans and a suitcase full of laughs.
86. Beverly Hills Cop (1974) – This is the comedy-action movie that propelled Eddie Murphy from Saturday Night Live to movie star status. His Axel Foley is a Detroit cop who is quick-witted and unconventional. When a childhood friend returns home from California to visit Foley and is murdered, Axel heads west to track down the killers. The Beverly Hills cops are not pleased to see him disrupting their version of law and order, but he eventually wins them over as his unorthodox methods lead them all to the bad guy. Murphy plays all of his comedy cards here and gives a memorable performance. This movie and “Trading Places” are still the best movies in his long resume. The story alone rates 3 cans, but Murphy’s performance pulls this movie up to a 4.
87. Witness to Murder* (1954) – Cheryl Draper (Barbara Stanwyck) lives close enough to Albert Richter (George Sanders) to see into his window, and one night she sees something she wishes she hadn’t – a murder. She contacts the police and Lt. Matthews (Gary Merrill) and his partner come over to check things out. In the meantime, however, Richter has moved the body to an empty apartment, leaving exactly no clues for the investigators. The case starts to really go awry when the clever Richter starts gaslighting Ms. Draper by sneaking into her apartment and writing threatening notes on her typewriter, making it appear that SHE is sending them to him. Even the cops think that she didn’t really see a murder, telling her that it was just a dream. Eventually, she starts questioning herself: Could she have written the notes? Did she really see the murder or was in her imagination? I thought this was a very intriguing drama, and it reminded me of “Rear Window” and of a book I recently read, “The Woman in the Window.” The moral of the story? Close the curtains! 3½ cans.
88. ET: The Extra Terrestrial (1982) – I typically have no interest in any kind of science fiction since I am so down-to-earth that I have trouble suspending my sense of reality. But suspend away for this incredibly moving story about the gentle extraterrestrial creature who ends up on earth and in the home of Elliott (Henry Thomas). Elliott is a typical kid, with an older brother and younger sister (an indescribably adorable Drew Barrymore at age 5 or so). He is curious, and when the creature he ultimately names E.T. (for Extraterrestrial) shows up, he gets over his initial fear and becomes friends with this new creature. This is not so much a sci-fi movie as it is a story of hope, love, friendship and acceptance. When someone or something comes into your life that doesn’t look like you, talk like you or understand you, reach out, teach him and you may find a memorable experience that will enrich your life. The superb acting by the kids in this movie, the amazing direction by Steven Spielberg, the fanciful script and the soaring music by John Williams all make this movie one of the best movies EVER. 5 cans, and don’t forget to phone home.
89. Paper Clips (2005) – This remarkable documentary tells the story of Whitman Middle School in rural Tennessee, where, in 1999, students collected 6 million paperclips (the final tally was 29 million) to honor the victims of the Holocaust. The collection demonstrated to them the enormity of the horrors of intolerance and hate and seems especially relevant in today's fractured US society. We cannot allow such dehumanization of any people to happen again. Bring tissues. I own the DVD but caught the movie on Jewish Life TV (JLTV) on Comcast. 5 cans.
90. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?* (2018) – Mr. (Fred) Rogers became a TV icon with his children’s show that aired on PBS for decades. His gentle approach to serious, everyday subjects won him acclaim from parents and parenting experts and adoration from kids. His quiet conversation, delivered in a languorous way of speaking, gave children reassurance that each child is “special.” By calling each child special, he wasn’t advocating that annoying “every kid gets a trophy” philosophy. He promoted trust and faith in themselves. As an ordained minister, he was well equipped to deliver important, impactful messages in a non-secular way. He believed in love and trust and educated children with the kind of subtlety that contradicts the car crashing, video gaming mentality that is often what children see on TV. He delivered good, sound and simple advice in the wake of national tragedies, such as the assassination of Robert Kennedy and the explosion of the Challenger aircraft. Built from clips from his shows and interviews with Mr. Rogers, his colleagues, friends and wife, this documentary offers insight into a simple man with a simple message that had more depth than a submarine. If Mr. Rogers were your neighbor, you would be assured of a quiet neighborhood. 3½ cans.
91. Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again* (2018) – If you go into something with really low expectations, it is less likely that you will be disappointed, and such was the case with this sequel of the original musical. This festive romp about a young woman who gives birth to a daughter but isn’t sure which one of three men (Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan and Stellan Skarsgard) is her father, builds on the original. Through flashbacks (nicely edited), we see Sophie in the present day (Amanda Seyfried) trying to reopen the hotel dreamed about by her late mother (Meryl Streep) in the land that she loved – Greece. Flashbacks show Sophie’s Mom Donna (Lily James) at Sophie’s age and we meet the three young men who eventually became her father. Her mother’s old bandmates (Christine Baranski and Julie Walters) are on hand for the festivities, still mourning the death of their friend the prior year. The movie weaves in the ABBA songs well and the entire movie is, as a friend pointed out, the equivalent of a “beach read” – light on the drama and overall just a fun day at the movies. If you want suspense or action, this movie is not for you. But any movie that has Cher AND Meryl Streep is one I will always watch. And, thankfully, Pierce Brosnan barely sings at all this time around. 3 cans.
92. Three Identical Strangers* (2018) – This movie proves the old adage “Truth is stranger than fiction.” When Bobby Shafran enrolls in college, he is greeted as an old friend by people who are strangers to him. That’s because they mistake him for his brother, Eddie, a brother whom he had never met. A mutual friend tells him he knows Eddie and knows they share the same birthday. Sure enough, Eddie and Bobby were given up by their mother and their adoption was arranged by the same agency. Overjoyed to meet each other, the young men are even more surprised when a third brother, David, surfaces. The boys soak up their 15 minutes of fame, making TV appearances and hanging out at Studio 54. But families have their secrets, and as close as the boys are (they lived together at one point and even started a club together), they have different backgrounds and very different adoptive families. This story is gripping, with twists and turns and ethical issues you probably won’t see coming. Oh, brother! 4 cans.
93. Orange Is the New Black, Season 6* (2018) – I waited more than a year to see what happened to the ladies of Litchfield prison after last season’s riot and the murder of a guard. And then I watched the entire 13-episode season in 4 days. The new season is much less intense than the powerful drama of last year. Overall it is lighter, brighter (they actually go outside for fresh air) and funnier (pretty much anything is funnier than a prison riot, I guess), BUT, now the inmates have been moved from minimum security to max, where the rules are harsher and where there are preexisting gangs built around the geography of the prison and not organized by race or nationality. Some characters have disappeared this year, moved to other prisons, but erstwhile star of the show, Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling), and her girlfriend Alex Vause (Laura Prepon), are still on hand. Among the new characters are a pair of feuding sisters, a small but fierce tough woman and a psychopath. Just as much of last year centered around inmate Tastee, who handled negotiations for the inmates, this year sees Tastee (Denise Brooks) in a prominent role, accused of the murder of the extremely abusive guard who was killed in the riot. To reveal more would not be fair to the fans of the show who have yet to enjoy the whole series. But I will say that my favorite line of the season, and maybe of the series itself, takes place when the inmates are allowed to make a phone call, and Black Cindy (Adrienne C. Moore), a convert to Judaism, calls her rabbi and greets him with, “Rabbi, it’s your girl, Tova.” Kudos especially to Brooks and Moore for stellar work this year. (There is also a great line that has to do with the Wahlberg brothers, but since this is a family blog, I’ll refrain from sharing it.) The only downside is that I have to wait another year to watch Season 7. 4½ cans.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Bits and Pieces
Can someone explain why we still continue to price gas to the tenth of a cent? What is the point of that?
Who has a better job than Jimmy Buffett? He shows up for work barefoot, wearing whatever suits his mood (but no SUITS!), he can be late and no one will complain, and when he arrives on stage, the audience explodes into cheers. Who among us goes to work and gets that kind of reception? It’s a nice gig if you can get it.
The ladies of “The Golden Girls” must have had enormous closets to store all of those clothes they wore on the show. Just the shoulder pads could take up a closet of their own!
One thing I can guarantee you is that the hotter and more humid the weather, the colder it will be in ShopRite. Today as I wandered around the store in my denim jacket, I was amazed at how many people were wearing tank tops and shorts. I was freezing, and when I went to buy frozen vegetables, I thought my arm would snap off from the chill!
I am equally sure of this: The colder the weather, the more likely I am to see someone in ShopRite wearing shorts. I don’t get it.
You know you are watching your weight when you go for an after-dinner walk instead of an after-dinner mint.
I admire those women who can wear a sweater draped over their shoulders without having it slide off. I can’t even keep bra straps securely placed on my shoulders. That look is both classy and classic (not the bra one…)
I love Frank Sinatra, but the older he got, the more extraneous lyrics he would throw into a song. I think that was so he could speak the words and not have to hold the notes, which is sad to hear in the older singers.
I would like to thank the inventor of the stapler. Great idea.
Is it just me or do you feel that the staff at the eye doctor’s office is trying to trick you with those questions? You know, when put those lenses in front of you and ask, “Which is better, one or two?” I always feel like they aren’t actually changing anything between one and two but just waiting to see if I will say that I see a difference, and I’m worried that I will give the wrong answer. Maybe it should have been #1? Does that make sense if I already chose #2? And then they throw it #3? Stop! Personally, I found taking the SATs was less nerve-wracking.
Enough with the surveys! I just got a request to rate my recent visit to ShopRite. I went, I bought food and light bulbs, I went home. Why should I bother to “rate” it? Enough!
I just caught myself rotating the dinner plates in the cabinets, taking the ones on the bottom and putting them on top of the ones that I just took out of the dishwasher. I guess I was thinking that they would wear more evenly this way???
At my most recent Book Club meeting, we discussed “The Woman in the Window,” a suspenseful mystery similar to “Rear Window.” The discussion included the existence of the so-called “red herring” and how many of us fall for these false clues routinely (raising my hand here). I’m not sure why we call them red herrings, and I don’t eat herring, but I sure do fall for them and I always have. I first realized this trait (or shortcoming) in myself while watching the old TV series “Mission Impossible” years ago. The writers lead you down a path that you are sure points directly at the killer, but, then, NO! It’s not him/her, so we go down the next alley, equally certain THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE and NO, it is not. I don’t know about you, but I’m ALWAYS FALL for these red herrings! They sure never fooled “Colombo!”
I did not realize how many cleaning products I had stashed under my kitchen sink until I had to remove everything so the plumber could repair the garbage disposal and unclog the drain. I was amazed/appalled at both the variety and quantity of cleaners, polishes, glass products, cleansers, etc., tucked away. Judging by the quantity alone, you would think that I either have the cleanest house in town or the dirtiest (hence the need for so many products). Some bottles were so full that I couldn’t even combine two of the same products into one container. And, of course, I am NOT going to ditch anything I can use, so I bought a bunch of plastic bins, sorted everything out, cleaned the cabinet and placed all of the bins neatly under the sink. Now I know what I have and where it is, even if I have to wonder WHY I thought I needed 4 bottles of floor cleaner. I know for sure that no package of Fantastik, Scrubbing Bubbles, Windex or any of the 5 varieties of granite cleaners/sealers/polishes will be on my shopping list for at least the next year! And the cabinet under the sink hasn’t looked this good since I moved in three years – or 30 bottles – ago!
When did greeting cards get so expensive? There was a time when I would slip money inside a card as a gift. Now the card is more valuable than the money, and, therefore, the card IS the gift. Listen, friends, I love you, but do I love you for $7.95? I’ll have to think about that one.
What happens to men as they age? Their eyebrows stage some sort of revolt, growing like an untrimmed hedge, usually in white, matching none of the pictures of them at any other stage of life.
The first person who can figure out a way to fasten a seatbelt without messing up a manicure will get my vote for the Nobel Prize. Not that I have a vote, and not that there IS a Nobel Prize for nails.
I didn’t know whether to be happy or offended when the guy at the nail salon told me he accidently charged me the regular rate for a pedicure instead of the senior rate, which I didn’t know existed and therefore did not request. So I saved $2, but my pride is just a little wounded…
And speaking of nails, there must be a law that every strip mall MUST have a nail salon. It used to be that the only people I would see getting a manicure were the women in that Palmolive commercial with Madge the manicurist. Now, there are women, men, teenagers and little girls getting their nails done. Gone are the days when Sylvia Gordon would haul out the red polish and get herself all dolled up for a night out at the JCC Hootenanny!
And one LAST comment about the nail salon – I always bring my own polish, just so I have it available for touch-ups. I have had this same bottle for at least 15 years. It is a bottomless pit of polish. I am truly amazed at its longevity!
I have some strange attachment to songs by Gary Lewis and the Playboys. Remember “This Diamond Ring?” How about “Just My Style,” “Save Your Heart for Me,” “Everybody Loves a Clown” (a reference, I suspect, to his father, comedian Jerry Lewis) and “Count Me In?” When a Gary Lewis and the Playboys tune comes on the oldies station on the radio, I pay rapt attention. Yet I never hear anyone say they like this guy and his group or mention any of his tunes. Just another strange Tina thing, I guess.
What is more annoying than seeing the car ahead of you in the next lane drive for MILES with a turn signal on? Is he moving over or not? Do I need to leave him space until I know for sure? And how is it that he doesn’t hear or see the flashing signal? Equally annoying are the people who speed ahead in the adjacent lane before a merge into your lane and then expect you to let them in. In my quest to avoid any possibility of road rage, I give a merging cars plenty of leeway, but the driver keeps going, failing to do the merge until his lane vanishes, when he comes almost crashing into my lane. And then there are the people who just don’t bother to signal at all to let you know they want to get into your lane. People, let’s be careful out there.
And speaking of driving leads me into parking, specifically parking decks, which I abhor. You circle round and round in your quest to find a spot, which is often so tight that you can barely open your door. Once I was so crammed, I had to get in on the passenger side and climb over the center console to the driver’s seat. Not a pretty sight! I can never figure out how the deck is designed so that the up traffic goes up only and down goes down. Where is the up traffic when you are on the down side? I need some kind of diagram.
As a movie fan, I find it hard to see anything with the “Weinstein Company” logo on it (out of business now, but I’m talking about older movies here) without cringing, just thinking about that vile man and how he sexually abused scores of women. Disgusting. And honestly, I rarely pay to see a Woody Allen movie in the theaters anymore. I don’t believe is innocence for a minute. But I do miss “Annie Hall.”
When did the use of the term “You’re welcome” go out of style? Instead, the response to a simple “Thank you” has become “No problem.” I really didn’t think it would be a problem for the waiter to bring my order, so when he serves me and I thank him, I don’t expect the response to be that it was no problem. After all, that’s his job, right? And apparently it is not a problem for people to hold the door for me, to hand me something I can’t reach (which is MY problem), etc. I’m just saying “thank you,” and the proper response is “You’re welcome.” And you are.
Who has a better job than Jimmy Buffett? He shows up for work barefoot, wearing whatever suits his mood (but no SUITS!), he can be late and no one will complain, and when he arrives on stage, the audience explodes into cheers. Who among us goes to work and gets that kind of reception? It’s a nice gig if you can get it.
The ladies of “The Golden Girls” must have had enormous closets to store all of those clothes they wore on the show. Just the shoulder pads could take up a closet of their own!
One thing I can guarantee you is that the hotter and more humid the weather, the colder it will be in ShopRite. Today as I wandered around the store in my denim jacket, I was amazed at how many people were wearing tank tops and shorts. I was freezing, and when I went to buy frozen vegetables, I thought my arm would snap off from the chill!
I am equally sure of this: The colder the weather, the more likely I am to see someone in ShopRite wearing shorts. I don’t get it.
You know you are watching your weight when you go for an after-dinner walk instead of an after-dinner mint.
I admire those women who can wear a sweater draped over their shoulders without having it slide off. I can’t even keep bra straps securely placed on my shoulders. That look is both classy and classic (not the bra one…)
I love Frank Sinatra, but the older he got, the more extraneous lyrics he would throw into a song. I think that was so he could speak the words and not have to hold the notes, which is sad to hear in the older singers.
I would like to thank the inventor of the stapler. Great idea.
Is it just me or do you feel that the staff at the eye doctor’s office is trying to trick you with those questions? You know, when put those lenses in front of you and ask, “Which is better, one or two?” I always feel like they aren’t actually changing anything between one and two but just waiting to see if I will say that I see a difference, and I’m worried that I will give the wrong answer. Maybe it should have been #1? Does that make sense if I already chose #2? And then they throw it #3? Stop! Personally, I found taking the SATs was less nerve-wracking.
Enough with the surveys! I just got a request to rate my recent visit to ShopRite. I went, I bought food and light bulbs, I went home. Why should I bother to “rate” it? Enough!
I just caught myself rotating the dinner plates in the cabinets, taking the ones on the bottom and putting them on top of the ones that I just took out of the dishwasher. I guess I was thinking that they would wear more evenly this way???
At my most recent Book Club meeting, we discussed “The Woman in the Window,” a suspenseful mystery similar to “Rear Window.” The discussion included the existence of the so-called “red herring” and how many of us fall for these false clues routinely (raising my hand here). I’m not sure why we call them red herrings, and I don’t eat herring, but I sure do fall for them and I always have. I first realized this trait (or shortcoming) in myself while watching the old TV series “Mission Impossible” years ago. The writers lead you down a path that you are sure points directly at the killer, but, then, NO! It’s not him/her, so we go down the next alley, equally certain THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE and NO, it is not. I don’t know about you, but I’m ALWAYS FALL for these red herrings! They sure never fooled “Colombo!”
I did not realize how many cleaning products I had stashed under my kitchen sink until I had to remove everything so the plumber could repair the garbage disposal and unclog the drain. I was amazed/appalled at both the variety and quantity of cleaners, polishes, glass products, cleansers, etc., tucked away. Judging by the quantity alone, you would think that I either have the cleanest house in town or the dirtiest (hence the need for so many products). Some bottles were so full that I couldn’t even combine two of the same products into one container. And, of course, I am NOT going to ditch anything I can use, so I bought a bunch of plastic bins, sorted everything out, cleaned the cabinet and placed all of the bins neatly under the sink. Now I know what I have and where it is, even if I have to wonder WHY I thought I needed 4 bottles of floor cleaner. I know for sure that no package of Fantastik, Scrubbing Bubbles, Windex or any of the 5 varieties of granite cleaners/sealers/polishes will be on my shopping list for at least the next year! And the cabinet under the sink hasn’t looked this good since I moved in three years – or 30 bottles – ago!
When did greeting cards get so expensive? There was a time when I would slip money inside a card as a gift. Now the card is more valuable than the money, and, therefore, the card IS the gift. Listen, friends, I love you, but do I love you for $7.95? I’ll have to think about that one.
What happens to men as they age? Their eyebrows stage some sort of revolt, growing like an untrimmed hedge, usually in white, matching none of the pictures of them at any other stage of life.
The first person who can figure out a way to fasten a seatbelt without messing up a manicure will get my vote for the Nobel Prize. Not that I have a vote, and not that there IS a Nobel Prize for nails.
I didn’t know whether to be happy or offended when the guy at the nail salon told me he accidently charged me the regular rate for a pedicure instead of the senior rate, which I didn’t know existed and therefore did not request. So I saved $2, but my pride is just a little wounded…
And speaking of nails, there must be a law that every strip mall MUST have a nail salon. It used to be that the only people I would see getting a manicure were the women in that Palmolive commercial with Madge the manicurist. Now, there are women, men, teenagers and little girls getting their nails done. Gone are the days when Sylvia Gordon would haul out the red polish and get herself all dolled up for a night out at the JCC Hootenanny!
And one LAST comment about the nail salon – I always bring my own polish, just so I have it available for touch-ups. I have had this same bottle for at least 15 years. It is a bottomless pit of polish. I am truly amazed at its longevity!
I have some strange attachment to songs by Gary Lewis and the Playboys. Remember “This Diamond Ring?” How about “Just My Style,” “Save Your Heart for Me,” “Everybody Loves a Clown” (a reference, I suspect, to his father, comedian Jerry Lewis) and “Count Me In?” When a Gary Lewis and the Playboys tune comes on the oldies station on the radio, I pay rapt attention. Yet I never hear anyone say they like this guy and his group or mention any of his tunes. Just another strange Tina thing, I guess.
What is more annoying than seeing the car ahead of you in the next lane drive for MILES with a turn signal on? Is he moving over or not? Do I need to leave him space until I know for sure? And how is it that he doesn’t hear or see the flashing signal? Equally annoying are the people who speed ahead in the adjacent lane before a merge into your lane and then expect you to let them in. In my quest to avoid any possibility of road rage, I give a merging cars plenty of leeway, but the driver keeps going, failing to do the merge until his lane vanishes, when he comes almost crashing into my lane. And then there are the people who just don’t bother to signal at all to let you know they want to get into your lane. People, let’s be careful out there.
And speaking of driving leads me into parking, specifically parking decks, which I abhor. You circle round and round in your quest to find a spot, which is often so tight that you can barely open your door. Once I was so crammed, I had to get in on the passenger side and climb over the center console to the driver’s seat. Not a pretty sight! I can never figure out how the deck is designed so that the up traffic goes up only and down goes down. Where is the up traffic when you are on the down side? I need some kind of diagram.
As a movie fan, I find it hard to see anything with the “Weinstein Company” logo on it (out of business now, but I’m talking about older movies here) without cringing, just thinking about that vile man and how he sexually abused scores of women. Disgusting. And honestly, I rarely pay to see a Woody Allen movie in the theaters anymore. I don’t believe is innocence for a minute. But I do miss “Annie Hall.”
When did the use of the term “You’re welcome” go out of style? Instead, the response to a simple “Thank you” has become “No problem.” I really didn’t think it would be a problem for the waiter to bring my order, so when he serves me and I thank him, I don’t expect the response to be that it was no problem. After all, that’s his job, right? And apparently it is not a problem for people to hold the door for me, to hand me something I can’t reach (which is MY problem), etc. I’m just saying “thank you,” and the proper response is “You’re welcome.” And you are.
Sunday, July 1, 2018
Tina's June 2018 Movies
What better way to beat the summer heat than to take in a movie, either in the comfort of your own home or in a cool theater? Here's what I watched in June. Movies marked with an asterisk are new ones to me, and all are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, five being the top score. No fives this month! Numbering picks up from previous months.
61. On Chesil Beach* (2018) – Just married couple Edward and Florence (Billy Howle and Saoirse Ronan) approach their wedding night with great trepidation. Neither has had experience in love-making, and neither seems particularly eager to get things going. She has been reading sex manuals to know what to expect, and she isn’t encouraged by what she has read. Both have family issues that weigh in on their relationship. His mother is a free-spirited artist who was in an accident that left her with some brain damage and the propensity to run around the house naked. She is an accomplished violinist with a very strict father who intimidates her, so their opposite sex role models are of no help. The action (if you can call it that) takes place in 1962, so it is safe to say times were a bit more chaste. They stall around through dinner, and when the big moment is about to begin, he can’t even unzip her dress. This couple seems so in love, yet distant and cold with each other. Can love overcome such reluctance and lack of intimacy? 3½ cans.
62. Adrift* (2018) – Young couple Tammy (Shailene Woodley) and Richard (Sam Caflin) set sail across the Pacific to the US. He is an experienced sailor and in his 30s; she isn’t exactly a novice, but at 23, she’s much less familiar with guiding a boat for thousands of miles. When a massive hurricane hits the area and practically capsizes their boat, Tammy wakes up and realizes Richard is gone, washed overboard. She somehow spots him in the ocean and determinedly swims out to rescue him and haul his injured body back on board. For the next 41 days, Tammy is forced to find a way for them to survive without much food or water (she does a very happy dance when it rains and she can capture fresh water). Tammy is resourceful, and – let’s face it – she has nothing to lose. She either saves the day or dies trying. The hurricane scenes are harrowing, loud and wild. There isn’t an abundance of dialog and let’s just say the costume changes are minimal. Will they get to Hawaii? Will a ship rescue them at sea? Or will the elements, the damaged boat, the injuries and lack of sustenance get them in the end? All I know is to cross sailing off my list of leisure activities. 4 cans.
63. John McCain: For Whom the Bell Tolls* (2018) – This HBO documentary about Senator John McCain solidifies McCain’s status as a true American hero. He not only survived five years in captivity in Vietnam as a Navy pilot, he survived 30 years in the Senate. According to this bio, McCain was one of the few politicians who stayed true to his beliefs – although he admits to making mistakes in his political career, the most serious one of which was naming Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate in the 2008 Presidential election that he ultimately lost to Barack Obama. I was most impressed by his admissions and his graciousness and generosity toward his rival in defending him as a fine man. So is McCain. 3½ cans.
64. Ocean’s 8* (2018) – This clever caper movie picks up from the Ocean franchise, but this time with an all-female cast, led by Sandra Bullock as Debbie Ocean, sister of the late Danny Ocean. Just released from prison after a 5½ year term, Debbie has had plenty of time to plan her next job and she promptly rounds up her former partner-in-crime (Cate Blanchette) to pull off a huge and complex plan to steal a $150 million necklace at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala. She gets a fashion designer (Helena Bonham Carter) to work with a megastar actress (Anne Hathaway) and recruits a tech-savvy Rihanna, jeweler Mindy Kaling and a housewife/fence (Sarah Paulsen) to the team. You have to watch closely to see the intricacies of their movements and to follow the plot. I like an action movie without crazy car chases and killings, and this one delivers. Just under 4 cans but more than 3½.
65. Under the Tuscan Sun (2003) – Diane Lane is Frances, a writer devastated by her cheating husband and subsequent divorce, who leaves San Francisco for an Italian getaway. She impulsively buys a broken down mansion, hires workers to renovate it and gets quickly acclimated to the culture in her small town outside Florence. Lane shines as Frances begins to come out of her shell, relax and enjoy her life. Sandra Oh plays her best buddy, who unexpectedly shows up and fits right into the new life. This movie is about relationships and family, however we choose to define them. 3½ cans (the scenery alone merits a 4).
66. Café Society* (2016) – I actually started boycotting Woody Allen movies years ago because of the rumors about his private life. I should have stuck with the boycott and avoided this lame Allen creation. Jesse Eisenberg, with the worst posture this side of Quasimodo (and at least he had a hump as his excuse), plays a nebbishy guy (a Woody Allen staple) who goes to Hollywood in the 30s to get a job with his bigshot uncle (Steve Carrell), an agent. He meets Vonnie (Kristen Stewart), the girl of his dreams. Too bad she is in love with his uncle. Even though he meets another Vonnie (Blake Lively), his love for the original lives on. Neither the story nor the acting was distinguished here, and with the exception of one great line, the movie is unmemorable. The line, you say? “Live every day like it’s your last because one day you’ll be right.” 4 cans for that line, 2 cans for the movie.
67. David Cassidy – The Last Session* (2018) – No one was hotter than pop star and teen idol David Cassidy in the early 1970s. His iconic TV show, “The Partridge Family,” thrust the young man into teenybopper heaven, his face on magazine covers and lunchboxes, his songs, such as “I Think I Love You,” playing on AM radio nationwide, his legions of fans swarming the stage at his sold-out concerts. The fledgling actor and musician chafed under the pressure of being a teen idol, touring and being Keith Partridge. He wanted to be taken seriously for his music. His relationship with his father – actor Jack Cassidy – only became more complicated as the fame of the son surpassed that of the father. In this TV documentary, an aging David Cassidy, sick, weary, in constant pain and initially diagnosed with dementia, tries to put together an album of songs his father taught him. I don’t want to give away the entire story, but it is sad to see the engaging and affable Cassidy in his final days. He really was more than a musical lightweight, and that smile was infectious. I admit I still sing along to “I Think I Love You” whenever I hear it on the radio. 3½ cans.
68. The Rise and Fall of Penn Station* (2014) – This PBS documentary (on Amazon Prime) traces the design and building of New York’s Penn Station by the Pennsylvania Railroad Company in 1910. The private company constructed the neoclassical building as the last part of a massive project to link the rest of the country (specifically New Jersey) to the Manhattan by designing and building tunnels under the Hudson and East Rivers. The expansion of the suburbs and tremendous economic growth throughout the area was the result of this masterful feat of engineering and architecture. The majestic building proudly stood for more than 50 years, until the company that owned the public space succumbed to the realities of business and tore it down to build a new Penn Station and sell the air rights above it to Madison Square Garden, which opened in 1961. Soon afterwards, New York City wisely established a Landmark Commission to assure the protection of many of the special spaces that make New York a unique city, including the beloved Grand Central Station. This movie shows the arduous task of burrowing beneath the rivers to build the tunnels from both the Manhattan and New York sides and the design and construction of the landmark train station. When joined together, the tunnels were within a 1/16” of each other, a marvel of 1910 engineering. 3½ cans.
69. The Mountain Between Us* (2017) – You know you’re having a REALLY bad day when the airlines cancel your flight the day before your wedding because of an impending storm, so you and a complete stranger charter a plane with a flaky pilot who doesn’t file a flight plan and then proceeds to have a stroke and crashes the plane into a mountain. And it gets worse. Kate Winslett is a photographer heading home to her wedding and Idris Elba is a doctor scheduled to operate on a young boy when they find themselves injured and alone (except for the pilot’s dog) on a mountain with no civilization in sight. Generally, I like a good story of people overcoming impossible odds who triumph over adversity (see “Cast Away,” “Apollo 13,” and the more recent “Adrift,” among others), but this story was just too unbelievable. The couple is left with virtually no food, yet neither they nor the dog starve, and the good doctor is always able to start a fire (one of which was frighteningly close to the airplane, in my opinion). She can barely walk due to her injuries, and yet…Well, see the movie. Or don’t. 3 cans, some for the breathtaking scenery.
70. Brain on Fire* (2016) – Susannah (Chloe Grace Moritz) plays a young writer for a New York newspaper who suddenly starts missing deadlines, looking confused and hearing voices. It isn’t a drug problem and it is getting worse. This movie – based on a real story – is a medical mystery. Why is Susannah manic one minute and catatonic the next? What is causing her seizures? Sometimes the love of those around you just isn’t enough to ease your pain. Warm and moving, it is also confounding and scary for the young woman and her family, who wonder if they are losing her forever. 3 cans.
71. Losing in Love* (2016) – Ronny (Marty Papazian, who also wrote and directed the film) is a low-key, sad-sack kind of guy, a writer who once wrote a big commercial but has been looking for a breakthrough ever since. Recently released from prison, Ronny is in a prison of his own, unable to truly connect with a woman and living a lonely existence. He meets a waitress (Marina Benedict), at the diner in Los Angeles where he goes to write during the day and is immediately smitten – although you only know this because we can hear his thoughts. This is a love story, and so is what Ronny is writing, as he and the waitress become friends and more reliant on each other. This is also a sad story, and one where all of the characters have trouble dealing with relationships and society. A little slow-moving, but I’ll give it 3½ cans for its warmth.
72. Runaway Jury (2003) – This legal tale is from prolific author John Grisham and tackles a key aspect of any trial – the jury. John Cusack is Nicholas Easter, an average guy in his 20s who is called for jury duty in a case against a large gun manufacturer who lawyer Dustin Hoffman claims is responsible for the shooting death of his client’s husband. Going up against him in court is Bruce Davison, but he is actually controlled by jury consultant Gene Hackman and his team of investigators, aided by modern technology that traces every aspect of a juror or potential juror’s life to assure they will be inclined to support the defendant. But this isn’t the story of 12 angry men. Someone on the inside is attempting to sway the jurors and is asking for big bucks to deliver the verdict. How and why provide the intrigue here. The story is a contemporary one, as the lawyers either support the right to bear arms and blame the shooter for the man’s death or the claim by the plaintiff that the manufacturer makes it too easy to buy their products. Worth watching again after a long absence. 4 cans.
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Let's Get Physical
It is amazing that we are still here.
Those of us of a certain age (ahem) managed to survive a childhood without seatbelts or car seats, warnings on drug packages and, for the most part, air conditioning. If you had questions about your health, you asked the kindly doctor or looked up your presumed malady in the 50s version of the Internet, the Encyclopedia Britannica (available at your local library). We didn’t exercise beyond the requirements of gym class, which was more focused on making sure we had washed and ironed our “gym suits” than on our health or well-being. We didn’t know about healthy eating. Even Weight Watchers didn’t start until I was a teenager.
Today things are vastly different. People ride all around the parking lot looking for a good spot outside the gym so they can go inside and ride a bike, lift weights or swim. Outside, in all kinds of weather, you’ll find people walking or running their way to good health.
There are all kinds of rules and regulations that are supposed to keep us safe and healthy. If you have, suspect or merely dread a disease or condition, you can look it up on the internet and get a ton of sometimes useful information that may either help or lead you to a self-diagnosis that is way off-base. You can read the symptoms of something and decide you have it even when that is impossible (check out the symptoms of prostate problems sometime, ladies).
Despite this abundance of information, it is still best to go to the doctor for preventive maintenance or to “rule out” what you think may be malaria, whooping cough or something that may require the use of leeches.
Now my health insurer, United Health Care, even offers an incentive to be checked. I had my regular eye doctor appointment and they sent me a $25 gift card for Amazon (which I promptly spent by buying a new water filter for my refrigerator; how exciting is that?). When I go to see the gynecologist, I get another $25, and my physical earned me 50 bucks.
Given what I had to do to get my physical, it was money well earned.
I have been going to the same primary care physician for years. I’m sure they have a full set of my health records in their computer system. In fact, when I checked in, the person at the desk retrieved a file that was larger than the Manhattan phone book. Nevertheless, I was required to stop at the office in advance to pick up forms to complete and return on the day of my physical.
First, could the spacing be ANY smaller on the form? Do you know how hard it is to write “right hemicolectomy” in that tiny space?
Second, the questions they ask – which should be in my file already – were tougher than the SATs.
How am I supposed to know how old I was when I had the measles? I’m 67 now, and I know it wasn’t recent. What if I say I was 6? Can anyone corroborate that? What happens if I was really 8? Who would know? Does it matter? Couldn’t a simple YES or NO have been checked off?
Do I have spots in front of my eyes? Well, I have wet macular degeneration, but there is no box to check off for that, so I did say I see spots before my eyes. Besides, I couldn’t figure out where to write that in. Is it a disease or a condition? What, am I supposed to be a doctor to define it?
Do I have trouble sleeping? Everyone my age has trouble sleeping. We wake up to use the bathroom and can’t get back to sleep. Oops, that’s a different question: “Night time urination? How often?”
Do I snore (which is listed under the “Illnesses” section)? Well, I live alone, so that’s a tough one. The last time I had to fill out this form, I did a test. I was staying with friends and kept the bedroom door open all night. When they got up to use the bathroom (see above question on nighttime urination), they stood outside my bedroom door and listened. How creepy does THAT sound? Apparently I don’t snore, or at least I didn’t that night.
Do I have pains in my joints, my back, my head? Of course! Sometimes I’m out for a walk and suddenly my ankle hurts for no reason. I walk it off and then I’m fine. Raise your hand if this happens to you, too.
And then there are the questions about depression, crying, lack of energy (see “trouble sleeping”) decreased interest in daily activities, thoughts of suicide, etc. If you really suffer from these things, how likely is it that you will check off the tiny boxes on this form?
How about drug use? Do you want to say yes to the question, “Have you ever taken drugs for other than medicinal purposes?” And then they leave you a tiny bit of space to explain the details of your drug habit. I’m just glad they don’t ask about addictions to chocolate and other food groups!
At least I can breeze through the sections about smoking (“NEVER” I write down, proudly) and drinking (“Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?” No, they just annoy me when they are stupid.).
Are you overweight? Seriously, did you not just weigh and measure me? Come on – can’t you see that for yourself? It might be interesting to see some people’s responses to that question, but I dejectedly checked the “Yes” box.
The previous question appears in close proximity to the question about having weight loss. I’m working on that, but see previous question.
And then we get to the hospitalizations section of the questionnaire. My sister has had enough surgeries that she doesn’t have room to list them on her form. You have to fill out the form and say why you were operated on. I live in fear that someday I will forget the term “right hemicolectomy,” which is the official name for the procedure used to treat my colon cancer in 2000.
The personal section for women is always a fun exercise.
At what age was the onset of menstruation? When was your last period? At this age, memory is more of an issue than remembering the last time I needed to buy tampons, let’s face it. Is any of this going to explain why my shoulder hurts?
I used to be able to fill out these forms so fast, simply checking the “No” column for virtually every illness, disease and condition. Now, like most of us, I have to stop and think, check my files (which do not extend back to when I had the measles) and, in some cases, give it my best guess.
The diagnosis here should be “normal for a woman of her age.”
Then it is on to the doctor's office with the forms.
After going through the usual preliminaries with the nurse – height (proudly 5’1”) and weight (let’s move along here), blood pressure, temperature (I was only 98.5, which shows how cool I am, right?) – we get more serious with the EKG, where I had sticky things affixed to my body at various places and then a mass of wires hooked me up to a machine to check my heart (mine was warm and kind and beating regularly), followed by the list of shots I was missing. It was 10 years since my last tetanus shot and time for a pneumonia injection, too.
Then the doctor showed up. Assuming that I would be taken to task for a weight gain since my last physical, I was ready with a defense as well as ready to attest to my renewed dedication to Weight Watchers. I also launched a distraction by providing a list of ailments I wanted her to check (among others: The little lump on my right shin – a cyst, she said, apply warm compresses if it bothers you; it doesn’t). We discussed my aching shoulder (I will be starting my shoulder exercises any day now, I vowed) and my trigger finger (better since my last cortisone injection and not serious enough for surgery, in my own expert opinion). So my strategy worked and she bypassed my weight issue, which was a relief but nonetheless still an issue. I need to see a dermatologist for a routine exam, so she recommended a replacement for the one I was using because she retired. I'm at the age when my doctors are all younger than I am. That's not a bad thing since who wants to go to a doddering old doctor?
I got off easy. Everything checked out. I have a few follow-ups and tests to undergo, and then there is my annual gynecology appointment along with my mammogram, and she will send my bloodwork to the many medical people who are waiting eagerly for the results.
And no one ever asked me whether or when I had the measles. Phew!
Those of us of a certain age (ahem) managed to survive a childhood without seatbelts or car seats, warnings on drug packages and, for the most part, air conditioning. If you had questions about your health, you asked the kindly doctor or looked up your presumed malady in the 50s version of the Internet, the Encyclopedia Britannica (available at your local library). We didn’t exercise beyond the requirements of gym class, which was more focused on making sure we had washed and ironed our “gym suits” than on our health or well-being. We didn’t know about healthy eating. Even Weight Watchers didn’t start until I was a teenager.
Today things are vastly different. People ride all around the parking lot looking for a good spot outside the gym so they can go inside and ride a bike, lift weights or swim. Outside, in all kinds of weather, you’ll find people walking or running their way to good health.
There are all kinds of rules and regulations that are supposed to keep us safe and healthy. If you have, suspect or merely dread a disease or condition, you can look it up on the internet and get a ton of sometimes useful information that may either help or lead you to a self-diagnosis that is way off-base. You can read the symptoms of something and decide you have it even when that is impossible (check out the symptoms of prostate problems sometime, ladies).
Despite this abundance of information, it is still best to go to the doctor for preventive maintenance or to “rule out” what you think may be malaria, whooping cough or something that may require the use of leeches.
Now my health insurer, United Health Care, even offers an incentive to be checked. I had my regular eye doctor appointment and they sent me a $25 gift card for Amazon (which I promptly spent by buying a new water filter for my refrigerator; how exciting is that?). When I go to see the gynecologist, I get another $25, and my physical earned me 50 bucks.
Given what I had to do to get my physical, it was money well earned.
I have been going to the same primary care physician for years. I’m sure they have a full set of my health records in their computer system. In fact, when I checked in, the person at the desk retrieved a file that was larger than the Manhattan phone book. Nevertheless, I was required to stop at the office in advance to pick up forms to complete and return on the day of my physical.
First, could the spacing be ANY smaller on the form? Do you know how hard it is to write “right hemicolectomy” in that tiny space?
Second, the questions they ask – which should be in my file already – were tougher than the SATs.
How am I supposed to know how old I was when I had the measles? I’m 67 now, and I know it wasn’t recent. What if I say I was 6? Can anyone corroborate that? What happens if I was really 8? Who would know? Does it matter? Couldn’t a simple YES or NO have been checked off?
Do I have spots in front of my eyes? Well, I have wet macular degeneration, but there is no box to check off for that, so I did say I see spots before my eyes. Besides, I couldn’t figure out where to write that in. Is it a disease or a condition? What, am I supposed to be a doctor to define it?
Do I have trouble sleeping? Everyone my age has trouble sleeping. We wake up to use the bathroom and can’t get back to sleep. Oops, that’s a different question: “Night time urination? How often?”
Do I snore (which is listed under the “Illnesses” section)? Well, I live alone, so that’s a tough one. The last time I had to fill out this form, I did a test. I was staying with friends and kept the bedroom door open all night. When they got up to use the bathroom (see above question on nighttime urination), they stood outside my bedroom door and listened. How creepy does THAT sound? Apparently I don’t snore, or at least I didn’t that night.
Do I have pains in my joints, my back, my head? Of course! Sometimes I’m out for a walk and suddenly my ankle hurts for no reason. I walk it off and then I’m fine. Raise your hand if this happens to you, too.
And then there are the questions about depression, crying, lack of energy (see “trouble sleeping”) decreased interest in daily activities, thoughts of suicide, etc. If you really suffer from these things, how likely is it that you will check off the tiny boxes on this form?
How about drug use? Do you want to say yes to the question, “Have you ever taken drugs for other than medicinal purposes?” And then they leave you a tiny bit of space to explain the details of your drug habit. I’m just glad they don’t ask about addictions to chocolate and other food groups!
At least I can breeze through the sections about smoking (“NEVER” I write down, proudly) and drinking (“Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?” No, they just annoy me when they are stupid.).
Are you overweight? Seriously, did you not just weigh and measure me? Come on – can’t you see that for yourself? It might be interesting to see some people’s responses to that question, but I dejectedly checked the “Yes” box.
The previous question appears in close proximity to the question about having weight loss. I’m working on that, but see previous question.
And then we get to the hospitalizations section of the questionnaire. My sister has had enough surgeries that she doesn’t have room to list them on her form. You have to fill out the form and say why you were operated on. I live in fear that someday I will forget the term “right hemicolectomy,” which is the official name for the procedure used to treat my colon cancer in 2000.
The personal section for women is always a fun exercise.
At what age was the onset of menstruation? When was your last period? At this age, memory is more of an issue than remembering the last time I needed to buy tampons, let’s face it. Is any of this going to explain why my shoulder hurts?
I used to be able to fill out these forms so fast, simply checking the “No” column for virtually every illness, disease and condition. Now, like most of us, I have to stop and think, check my files (which do not extend back to when I had the measles) and, in some cases, give it my best guess.
The diagnosis here should be “normal for a woman of her age.”
Then it is on to the doctor's office with the forms.
After going through the usual preliminaries with the nurse – height (proudly 5’1”) and weight (let’s move along here), blood pressure, temperature (I was only 98.5, which shows how cool I am, right?) – we get more serious with the EKG, where I had sticky things affixed to my body at various places and then a mass of wires hooked me up to a machine to check my heart (mine was warm and kind and beating regularly), followed by the list of shots I was missing. It was 10 years since my last tetanus shot and time for a pneumonia injection, too.
Then the doctor showed up. Assuming that I would be taken to task for a weight gain since my last physical, I was ready with a defense as well as ready to attest to my renewed dedication to Weight Watchers. I also launched a distraction by providing a list of ailments I wanted her to check (among others: The little lump on my right shin – a cyst, she said, apply warm compresses if it bothers you; it doesn’t). We discussed my aching shoulder (I will be starting my shoulder exercises any day now, I vowed) and my trigger finger (better since my last cortisone injection and not serious enough for surgery, in my own expert opinion). So my strategy worked and she bypassed my weight issue, which was a relief but nonetheless still an issue. I need to see a dermatologist for a routine exam, so she recommended a replacement for the one I was using because she retired. I'm at the age when my doctors are all younger than I am. That's not a bad thing since who wants to go to a doddering old doctor?
I got off easy. Everything checked out. I have a few follow-ups and tests to undergo, and then there is my annual gynecology appointment along with my mammogram, and she will send my bloodwork to the many medical people who are waiting eagerly for the results.
And no one ever asked me whether or when I had the measles. Phew!
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