Testing, Testing

Remember the “good old days,” when the only tests we feared were in 8^th grade math? Those days are long gone, and nobody gets to this stage of life without going through a bevy of tests, some meant to diagnose existing health problems and some meant to figure out what could go wrong before it does.

If you stop by the local radiology place, you can ask to see a collection of pictures of virtually every part of my body. In fact, you could probably reconstruct my body slice by slice from the images gleaned from CAT scans, ultrasounds, etc. I’ve had more Doppler reports than Al Roker’s weather. I’ve even had Doppler ultrasounds taken of both of my shins, one after I fell on the ice and one after this summer’s unfortunate jet ski incident. I’ve had injections of dye and I’ve consumed gallons of chalky white barium, all to get better pictures of my thyroid, kidneys and abdomen.

Sometimes you have to drink copious amounts of water before you have certain tests. I recall getting through one such test and leaping off the table the second it was over to sprint to the nearest restroom. Other times you have to collect samples of bodily fluids and refrigerate them to take them to the lab. I always worry that when I have the dreaded 24-hour urine test I will come in a quart low. And besides, do you want to find a huge orange jug in the refrigerator when you reach for your morning juice? (This story virtually assures than none of you will be staying at my place or dropping by for breakfast any time soon.)

If you have gotten this far in life without a colonoscopy, you don’t know the joy of having a team of people drug you and invade your body with a camera. That’s one photo album of mine you won’t find on Shutterfly. My luck was having the nurse on my last colonoscopy be a high school classmate of mine. “Haven’t seen you in so long,” she said as she greeted me. “Now, turn over on your side.” She got a completely different view of me than she ever had in gym class.

I must add here that having a colonoscopy undoubtedly saved my life, so I encourage everyone to get one after the age of 50. Since I had not yet reached that threshold in 2000, my doctor demurred, recommending instead a sigmoidoscopy to diagnose my persistent intestinal problem. However, having seen Katie Couric’s televised colonoscopy, I insisted, and when the test revealed a tumor that was determined to be malignant, I asked the doctor whether he would have found it with a sigmoidoscopy. No, he admitted, telling me that I had colon cancer. Now I have colonoscopies at the prescribed intervals, and, thanks to Miralax, the prep isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be. Besides, the anesthesia used during the procedure gives me the best half hour of sleep I get all year.

There are the routine maintenance things we have to do, like the annual mammogram and Pap smear for women, and the tests we take because nobody can figure out what is wrong. I get bronchitis in the winter, but I consistently fail the strep test. Now I’m having a problem with my left eye, which led to blood work, an ultrasound of my carotid arteries and an echocardiogram (no problems there to report, I am happy to say). After the latter, the technician informed me that I didn’t have a broken heart. Apparently he had not seen the Yankees lose in the playoff game the night before.

I always ask for a copy of the test results, because that way I can share the report with my other doctors. I’m still trying to get over the report that referred to my kidneys as “unremarkable.” I know that’s supposed to be a good thing, but it sounds a little insulting to me. My kidneys are great – or at least I think so.

When I am at the office of a new doctor or a lab and filling out the forms, it takes longer now to check off all those boxes, since I cannot simply stay in the “No” column anymore. And it is getting harder to remember when I had my last tetanus shot or pneumonia vaccine. I’ve already had this year’s flu shot and I’m now vaccinated against shingles, though the doctor said I could still get it, but the case would be less severe than if I hadn’t been inoculated. I’m sure there is a test for that, too.

Once the doctor suspected a friend of mine might have pneumonia and wrote her a referral for a test that read “Ro-pneumonia.” For years, we thought that she had a form of pneumonia called “Ro-pneumonia.” It wasn’t until years later when my doctor told me she was sending me for tests to “rule out” some condition or disease or another that I finally realized that “Ro” anything is meant to rule it out.

I have friends who have gone for MRIs of their brains and reported that the doctors didn’t find anything. Now, there’s a scary thought. I went for an MRI once and decided that it was actually meant to torture the victim – the patient, that is – with the distracting noise of the loud and annoying machines designed to make you forget the medical problem that brought you there in the first place. Who thinks up these modern-age medieval torture chambers anyway? I remember being in a long tube once for a body scan and feeling like I was being buried alive. At the end, they concluded that I did have a body. And there are pictures to prove it.

Tina's September Movies

I saw 17 movies in September, with British and baseball films leading the way. Numbering picks up from last month, and movies I had not seen previously are marked with an *.

111. Brooklyn Dodgers – The Ghosts of Flatbush* (2010) – Rarely has a sports franchise been as beloved as the Brooklyn Dodgers. This HBO documentary traces the period from the integration of baseball with Jackie Robinson joining the Dodgers in 1947 through the club’s futile losses to the arch rival New York Yankees in the World Series of the early 50s to the greatest loss of all – the team’s 1957 departure of Brooklyn for sunny Southern California. Owner Walter O’Malley was determined to replace aging Ebbetts Field but all-powerful NY boss of all things built Robert Moses repeatedly denied his request for a prime parcel of land. O’Malley pulled the team out of Brooklyn and crushed the faithful fans forever. 3½ cans.

112. Dead Poets Society (1989) – Robin Williams is inspiring poetry teacher John Keating at a private and conservative boys prep school in 1959, but he is anything but conservative. His passion for poetry and learning bring an unconventional approach to the classroom, and the boys love him for it. The young men in his charge are impressed and influenced by him as they begin to think about learning in new ways. They resurrect Keating’s “Dead Poet’s Society” from his days as a student at that school, and they convene secretly to write and recite poetry that reflects their souls. The normally manic Williams gives a restrained performance as the enthusiastic educator in this moving and rich film. It was fun to see the very young faces of Ethan Hawke, Josh Charles and Robert Sean Leonard as the students. 4 cans.

113. Sarah’s Key* (2011) – Kristin Scott Thomas stars as American journalist Julia Jarmond, married to a Frenchman and living in Paris. Assigned to write a piece about the 1942 round-up by French authorities of thousands of Jews who were detained and then shipped to Auschwitz, Julia learns through her research that her husband’s family’s apartment belonged to one such family. When the police appeared, 10-year old Sarah hid her 4-year old brother in a cupboard and kept the key, assuring him that she would return. Her harrowing story is told in flashbacks juxtaposed with Julia’s research. This is a powerful film about a period not well known, and, while the story is fiction, the events of the time are accurate. Secrets long kept are revealed and the fate of Sarah and her family is discovered in a way that profoundly affects Julia and the audience. My friend Dee said she had never been in a theater where the audience was so silent. An intense and excellent film, but not one to take lightly. 4 cans.

114. Running Scared (1986) – Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal are Chicago cops tracking down drug lord Gonzalez (Jimmy Smits) in this gritty and clever movie. The story is almost secondary to the byplay between the buddies. Crystal didn’t have this much chemistry with Meg Ryan in “When Harry Met Sally.” There’s plenty of great action, including a car chase on the L-line. I’m not typically a fan of action movies, but this one tempers the action with good-natured and snappy repartee between the very appealing leads. 4½ cans.

115. The Madness of King George* (1994) – No wonder poor King George is mad. It is 1788, the Brits have lost control of “the Colonies,” Parliament is trying to reduce his powers and his feckless son won’t even wave to the crowds – his primary job, as the King sees it. And that says nothing about the formal attire and bad wigs he is forced to wear. The King of England descends into true madness, his mania forcing his minions to chase him around the palace and grounds half-dressed while the politicos – including his insufferable son George, the Prince of Wales – plot to usurp his power. Nigel Hawthorne was nominated for an Oscar for his over-the-top portrayal of the crazy king. Helen Mirren stars as the Queen (naturally), and Rupert Everett is his sycophant son in this mad movie. The sets, costumes and locations are gorgeous and the cast outstanding in this historical drama that tells an unusual story with intelligence and a surprising dose of humor. 4 cans.

116. Frances (1982) – Speaking of madness, here is the story of actress Frances Farmer, whose star shone brightly in Hollywood and on Broadway in the 1930s until her strong will derailed a promising career. When independent thinker Frances decides she does not want to be part of the Hollywood industry, her mother pushes her first to continue, and then to a mental institution, because who would be crazy enough to give up stardom? Poor Frances – who seems more angry than insane – is committed to one horrifying place after another, all to “get well,” but which just make her worse. Jessica Lange portrays Farmer with strength and vulnerability and does justice to the love-hate relationship with her overbearing mother (Kim Stanley). Sam Shepard plays the man who loves her and tries to help, but Frances has to learn to live with herself before she can commit to anyone. Parts of this movie are harrowing, but it is worth seeing for Lange’s performance alone. I was disappointed to learn when I first saw it 30 years ago that it was not about Fanny Farmer candy, but I’ll give it 4 cans anyway.

117. Casino* (1995) – Director Martin Scorcese again teams up with Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci in this look at the mob and the casinos of Las Vegas. Gambler Sam “Ace” Rothstein (DeNiro) runs the Tangiers, where the given practice is to skim cash from the operations and pay off the mob bosses. Nicky (Pesci) is the tough guy enforcer, always looking for an edge, afraid of nothing and no one. Sharon Stone plays the charismatic but drug-addicted wife of DeNiro and gives a great performance, especially when she is completely flipping out at her husband. Ace’s anger is mostly below the surface, visible enough to scare most people, while Nicky isn’t quite so subtle. Scorcese paints a vivid picture of these goodfellas, just as he did in previous movies, and the snappy dialog, especially between DeNiro and Pesci, feels almost like improvisation (see “Raging Bull” for a previous example of their work together). If you can tolerate the violence and bloodshed and you don’t mind the language and subject matter (OK, lots of caveats here), you’ll find this movie riveting. 5 cans.

118. The Winning Season* (2009) – Even as desperate as I am to see women’s basketball again, I can’t recommend this clichéd trifle of a movie. Sam Rockwell stars as a loser who takes over as coach of a girls’ high school basketball team, leaving behind his not-so-thriving career as a dishwasher/busboy. Rumor has it that he quit his last coaching gig as a boys coach mid-season, leaving the team in the lurch. Here he takes over a moribund program with all of 6 players, one of whom is on crutches. Predictably, the ragtag team loses its games but gains respect for each other and the coach despite the fact that he drinks, smokes, swears, and is usually politically incorrect. They love him, he loves them, they begin to win, he cleans up his act – until he doesn’t. I so wanted to love this movie, but if it had been a three-point attempt, it would have been an airball. 2 cans.

119. Young Victoria* (2010) – My second English historical movie in a week proved just as good as the first one (see 115 above). Victoria may be young, but anyone who assumes her youth and inexperience make her unqualified to be the Queen of England doesn’t know this resolute young woman well. In the 1800s, Victoria becomes the King’s choice to succeed him as monarch since he has no direct descendants and she is the only child among the King and his brothers. Her mother and her advisor want her to sign away her right of succession so that the monarchy will be ruled by a regent – her mother, the Duchess of Kent. Not so fast, Mom. Victoria reaches adulthood just in time for the King to die and she takes over as Queen, a position she held longer than anyone in history. Her family wants her to marry her cousin George, but headstrong Victoria has her eye on Prince Albert of Germany, who wins her over and becomes her husband. This lavish production, with beautiful sets and costumes, starring Emily Blunt as Queen Victoria and Rupert Freund as Albert, makes you feel like you are part of the palace. I wish I had the money spent on the candelabras alone. 4 cans.

120. Sweet Dreams (1985) – In my second Jessica Lange movie of the week, the actress portrays country singer Patsy Cline. With her deep voice ideally suited for the heartbreak songs of country, Cline had a brief but bright career in the 1960’s. The movie traces her rise from dirt poor woman through the courtship of her hard-drinking husband Charlie (Ed Harris) to her success in Nashville. The drama emanates from the sometimes toxic relationship between Cline and Charlie. The story can best be summed up in the lyrics of Patsy’s hit, “Crazy” – “I’m crazy for loving you.” Indeed. 3½ cans for the performances of Lange and Harris.

121. Conviction* (2010) –Betty Ann Waters (Hillary Swank) and her brother Kenny (Sam Rockwell) grow up as rough and tumble, poor kids. As an adult, Kenny is always in trouble and well-known by the local cops in Ayer, Massachusetts. When a woman is brutally murdered nearby, they immediately focus on Kenny. There’s plenty of blood at the scene of the crime, and the blood type matches Kenny’s, there are a few witnesses who claim he confessed to the crime, and he is convicted and sentenced to life. Convinced of her brother’s innocence, Betty Ann decides to get her college degree and go to law school so she can become an attorney and represent him. Her dogged determination and refusal to take no for an answer from anyone lead her through the case. Swank plays the lead with relish, giving a no-nonsense performance. Rockwell is much better in this movie than he was in the one I saw two days earlier (see 118 above). Their performances and the fact that the story is true bring gravitas to the film, which otherwise might have been only marginally better than a Lifetime movie. I thought MY sister was the best sister in the world, but she can’t hold a candle to Betty Ann Waters. Sorry, Nan. 4 cans.

122. A Room With a View (1985) – A decidedly Victorian point of view pervades this English movie by the esteemed Merchant-Ivory team. Helena Bonham-Carter is Lucy Honeychurch, a young (19) woman uncomfortable with expected behavior and looking for more. Accompanied by her chaperone, played by the magnificent Maggie Smith, she travels to Florence and meets George Emerson, a young British man (Julian Sands), with whom she is smitten enough to share an illicit kiss. Oh, goodness! Returning home, she agrees to marry the extremely proper Cecil Vyse (Daniel Day Lewis), but she still has her doubts. This genteel love story is the anti-action movie, with only a spirited game of tennis and a romp in the river punctuating the proper British atmosphere. It moves slowly, but with plenty of charm. 4 cans.

123. Hearts & Crafts* (2011) – This French documentary takes a look at the artisans who create high quality leather goods, glass and jewelry. Each painstaking step of their respective processes is carefully executed to ensure the beauty and quality of their pieces. They take justifiable pride in each stitch, each stroke, each step they take to turn out a finished product, knowing that no two hand-crafted items will be exactly the same. These are people who revel in jobs some of us might consider mundane and most of us could never do. 3 cans.

124. The Remains of the Day (1993) – This must be my month for British movies, and few are better than this one. Anthony Hopkins plays Stephens, the butler and head of Darlington House, a British estate. Emma Thompson plays Miss Ventin, the housekeeper, a woman accustomed to being in service but with a mind of her own. Stephens is reserved yet demanding, following the traditions of service ingrained in him by his butler father. Nothing will deter him from completing the tasks at hand to the highest level. That means not being distracted by the obvious interest of Miss Ventin or the failing health of his father. It also means staying out of the controversial views of his employer, a German sympathizer who tries to rally support for the Germans prior to World War II. There are many moving moments here, with the added poignancy of seeing a healthy and handsome Christopher Reeve as an American politician. In the end, this is a love story, albeit an unrequited one. 4½ cans.

125. The Heart of the Game (2005) – I have to see this movie at least once a year. It is a documentary, shot over a seven-year period, that traces the girls’ basketball team at Roosevelt High School in Seattle. Led by an unconventional coach, university tax professor Bill Ressler, the girls on the team learn to understand teamwork, trust and success. Oh, and they play some pretty competitive basketball, too. The star of the show is Darniella Russell, who joins the team in season two of the movie and brings a combination of immense, natural talent and headstrong ways that challenge Coach Ressler. This is the female version of “Hoop Dreams,” and it is every bit as good as that classic documentary. It almost makes up for the dismal “Winning Season” I saw earlier this month. If you ever want to be inspired or root for the underdog, have I got a movie for you. 5 cans.

126. Moneyball* (2011) – Brad Pitt and a real story about baseball? How could this movie go wrong? Let me count the ways. Baseball tradition is shaken to its foundation by Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane (Brad Pitt), a GM with a limited budget whose best players bolt for more money as soon as their contracts are up. Armed with a young Yale economics major (Jonah Hill) as his sidekick, Billy begins measuring the talent and potential of his players in a completely different way, eschewing the advice of his grizzled scouts and their talk of the “five-tool” player. Himself the victim of unfulfilled expectations and a major league bust, Billy comes to realize that his scouts may be valuing the wrong things as they assess potential and sign young players. Running a small market team, Billy doesn’t have the budget to compete in the marketplace but he can scour the statistics to find suitable and less expensive replacements for his disappearing stars. He is like a stock picker, always looking for the next big thing that today is undervalued. This movie assumes you know and care enough about baseball to understand the language and the practices that have endured for decades that Billy ignores. I found it slow and plodding, and Billy himself an enigmatic character who cannot stand to watch his own team play. Pitt is fine as the lead, but I wonder if this movie would even have been made if he hadn’t signed on for a part that any competent actor could play. If he gets an Oscar nod for this role, I’ll spit chewing tobacco. As a movie, “Moneyball” barely makes it above the Mendoza line. Look it up. 3 cans.

127. Catching Hell* (2011) – Two baseball movies in a row for me! The latest entry in the excellent ESPN documentary series, this film examines the fateful night in 2003 when a fan in the stands at Wrigley Field altered the course of Cubs history. The long-suffering Cubs fans, never having won the World Series, were ready to celebrate victory in the National League Divisional Series against the Marlins when diehard Cubs fan Steve Bartman reached out to snare a foul ball and deflected it away from a probable catch by Cubs outfielder Moises Alou. The fact that the Cubs shortstop made a costly error following the play, and that the pitching staff gave up 8 runs and lost the 6^th game seemed to be of no consequence to the angry mob of Cubs fans. Bartman had to be escorted by security out of the not-so-friendly confines of Wrigley Field. His identity was revealed, his house surrounded and his life made into a living hell. To his credit, the only time he ever publicly addressed his role in that fateful night was to issue an apology, as he declined to capitalize on his notoriety. This film examines the mob mentality and shows the play from every angle imaginable but never addresses why the umpires failed to rule fan interference. It also covers Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner, who famously let a ground ball go through his legs in the 1986 World Series, and how he was vilified for his miscue. Cubs fans are still waiting for a World Series triumph, while Red Sox Nation has forgiven Buckner after two subsequent World Series Championships years later. 4 cans.

Wanted

“You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant,” the old Arlo Guthrie song goes.

Today you would forsake Alice and substitute Craig, as in Craig’s List.

For those of you unfamiliar with Craig’s List, it can best be described as the plainest website this side of Google Search, an on-line version of the old Classifieds you are used to seeing in the newspaper, and, since it is free, it is huge. There is an enormous listing of almost any item, service or desire you might have – even a few I won’t mention here.

Need tickets for a sold-out concert or game? No problem. Looking for a clown for a birthday party? Plenty of listings to suit your needs. A new pet? Meet Russell, the Jack Russell terrier that belongs to my nephew’s friend. His mother got Russell on Craig’s List.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I have neither bought nor sold things on Craig’s list, but I know many people who find this service extremely useful for both buying and selling. When a friend’s husband installed two permanent shade structures on their deck, he removed his old awning and sold it on Craig’s List. When another friend’s daughter had baby number three and needed new baby furniture, she turned to Craig’s List and found great stuff and good prices.

All of that makes sense to me. You want to buy, someone wants to sell. Let’s make a deal.

What amazes me is the plethora of odd items and services available on Craig’s List.

OK, I know about the Craig’s List Killer, and I’m not thinking about those kinds of services. But take a look at the job postings and you’ll find positions you probably won’t see in the Sunday classifieds in The Star Ledger. For example, I spotted a listing for a magician’s assistant. The description calls for a “people pleaser” but doesn’t require that the applicant be willing to be sawed in half, just that the assistant be female (isn’t that discrimination?) between the ages of 23-40 (again, discrimination?), “not shy, willing to work weekends and must work well with children.” I’d throw in “must not mind disappearing on cue.”

Although I fancy myself a good proofreader, I doubt I would qualify for the position of “Bible proofreader.” Hasn’t that project been finished already? Maybe I would be better suited for a position as a “social media guru,” except that it involves blogging about domestic oil initiatives. So much for that.

With all of the CSI-type TV shows on these days, the call for a forensic accountant might attract some interest, though the applicant doesn’t have to deal with blood samples, just spread sheets.

Just as interesting as the job postings is the list of items for sale. In the Babies & Kids category (which makes me wonder if someone is actually listing their children for sale), I spotted this: “Little Tykes Cook N Clean Kitchen – New – Great for Boys.” I’m guessing they bought it for a son or daughter who didn’t like it, which is why it is still new. But great for boys? Why boys in particular?

Other new items included a brand new iPhone “one hour old” – and aging by the minute. Did someone accidentally buy two of these? Why not bring it back to the store for a refund if it is so new? I don’t suppose it accidentally fell off a truck, do you? Or did the teenager for whom it was purchased make Mom or Dad so mad that they took it back in a fit of rage and now want to sell it? There’s a million stories on Craig’s List.

There are plenty of used items available, though I wonder who might be in the market for a used toilet described as “white, possibly circa late 1940's to 50's, tank cracked but sealed.” Is someone really going to buy a cracked toilet from 60 years or more ago? Just wondering. I also spotted a listing for a “jail broken phone.” I couldn’t help picturing Tyra Banks or Russell Crowe as the original owners of that one.

There are numerous categories of items for sale on Craig’s List, so you can find everything from punching bags to pianos, motorcycles, fuel oil and autoharps. Now I know where to go the next time I need a “Mardi Gras Disco Ball Bead Necklace” for $3. You can buy a car, a mattress or the entire contents of a women’s clothing store. I noted many items for $1, such as baseball cards, a WWE Adult Size championship belt and a 2007 Consumer Reports Buying Guide. I doubt the latter is worth a dollar four years later.

Frankly, I’m not sure I am brave enough to have a total stranger show up at my house for this type of transaction, especially if I am selling something worth $1. Maybe it would be worth taking the risk for a $500 item.

There is plenty of free stuff, things people are just dying to get rid of. Some people list “curb alerts,” so on-line shoppers can hop in their cars and traipse to someone’s house to see the stuff that they couldn’t get rid of at their garage sale. These curbside listings are convenient for the sellers – assuming someone comes and takes their junk away. But that reminded me of when I had to dispose of my mother’s comfy old couch. I had to call the town and purchase multiple stickers to put on the couch and then get help hauling it to the curb – only to see it scooped up for free by someone looking for an old couch. I was not permitted to put it at the curb for pick-up without the stickers – or so I was told by the town authorities – so I had to buy them first. Where was Craig when I needed him?

I know people who know people who have gotten everything from apartments to jobs via Craig’s List. But mostly what I got from Craig’s List was a reason to smile and a topic for this month’s blog entry. And by the way, it’s free. I’ll just leave it at the curb.

Tina's August Movies

As the dog days of summer dwindled, here are the movies I watched during the month of August. You'll note that once again I have topped 100 movies for the year, and we still have 4 months to go. Numbering picks up from last month and movies I had not seen previously are marked with an *.

97. America’s Heart and Soul* (2004) – From the mountains to the prairies, to the oceans, this panoramic view of America represents the ultimate reality show. We see a real cowboy, an aeronautical acrobat, a man who fights oil rig fires, a farmer, people literally dancing on mountains, and so many more people committed to their calling, whatever that might be. The sweeping vistas of this documentary show America the beautiful, with breathtaking views from sea to shining sea. I wish I’d seen this movie in a theater to really enjoy the richness of color and tone that is magnificent throughout the film. 4 cans.

98. Inform and Delight: The Work of Milton Glaser* (2008) – You may not know the name Milton Glaser, but chances are you know his work. The graphic designer behind the ubiquitous “I ♥ NY” campaign is an artist, an illustrator and an intellectual whose work represents the visual depiction of ideas. A founder of New York magazine, Glaser also helped turn New York on to small, local restaurants with his creation of “The Underground Gourmet.” He designed an iconic poster of Bob Dylan that instantly calls the 1960s to mind. He has also designed restaurants – from concept and space to menu graphics – food products at Grand Union, logos for schools and art museums, posters, books and campaigns for social causes. The documentary, which I watched on the Sundance Channel, is an excellent reminder of the impact good design has on everyday living, making ordinary objects identifiable and easier to understand. Glaser is a gem, and so is this movie. 4 cans.

99. Tadpole* (2002) – Prep school student Oscar Grubman (Aaron Stanford) has a problem. Home for Thanksgiving, he will have to spend time with his annoying father (John Ritter) and the woman on whom he has a mad, crazy crush that he is sure is love – his stepmother, Eve (Signorney Weaver). Just to complicate matters further, the 15-year old gets seduced by Eve’s 40ish best friend, Diane (Bebe Neuwirth). Oscar is a smart kid who speaks French, reads and quotes from Voltaire but, understandably at 15, knows nothing about love. This film pays considerable homage to films ranging from “The Graduate” (and even includes a Simon & Garfunkel song) to “Ordinary People” to “The Summer of 42.” In many ways, awkwardness prevails here, mitigated only by the earnestness and charm of young Oscar and his sweet portrayal by Stanford in the role. 3½ cans.

100. Crazy Stupid Love* (2011) – Love has moved from being a many-splendored thing to just being crazy and stupid in this entertaining comedy. Schlubby Cal Weaver (Steve Carrell) is shocked and angry when his wife Emily (Julianne Moore) suddenly tells him she wants a divorce after 25 years of wedded boredom. He drags his mopey self a bar, where his lack of appropriate attire and total lack of game fail to attract women but pique the interest of slick local lothario Jacob (Ryan Gosling), who decides he can remake Cal. It turns out something like “Extreme Makeover, Man Edition,” as Jacob convinces Cal he is “better than The GAP.” The problem is that Cal isn’t really destined to be a player, and he is still in love with Emily, who seems to want him back. Meanwhile, his 13-year-old son is in love with the 17-year old babysitter, who, in turn, is in love with Cal. There are some unforeseen twists and turns here that work out well. Do we each have one true soul mate? And can we pledge never to give up when fighting for that one true love? Stay tuned. This movie is a fun ride, if a little long and meandering in parts, and features great work by an outstanding cast. Ryan Gosling is downright yummy. 4½ cans. This movie marks my 3^rd consecutive year of seeing at least 100 films.

101. The Yellow Rolls Royce (1964) – Rex Harrison and Shirley MacLaine fare best in this trilogy of tales connected by – you guessed it – a yellow Rolls Royce. Harrison plays a wealthy British diplomat who buys the Rolls as a belated anniversary gift for his disinterested wife (Jeanne Moreau). MacLaine is the floozy girlfriend of an American mobster (George C. Scott) who is “touring” Italy between mob hits. The third tale, with Ingrid Bergman and Omar Sharif, is the least believable. Nonetheless, this movie has great views of Europe, lush cinematography and a good deal of charm. And the backseat of that Rolls gets plenty of action. 3½ cans.

102. The Help* (2011) – This very satisfying movie adaptation of the Kathryn Stockett novel depicts life in Jackson, Mississippi, in 1962, when the rich white ladies had nothing more to do than go to Junior League meetings, plan charity benefits and play bridge. Meanwhile, their black maids did the cooking, shopping and cleaning and raised and loved their white babies. Skeeter Phelan (Emma Stone), an aspiring writer, doesn’t fit in with her society friends, and she decides to tell the story of Southern society from the viewpoint of the “help.” This is a rich picture of the pre-Civil Rights South, when paying maids less than minimum wage was considered perfectly acceptable, as was passing them down from mother to daughter and firing them at any time for a real or perceived transgression. Skeeter forms friendships of a sort with several of the help (Viola Davis in what will be at least an Oscar-nominated performance as Aibileen and Octavia Spencer as sassy Minny) as she convinces them to tell their stories – and there are plenty of juicy stories to tell. This is a faithful adaptation of the book but reading it is not a prerequisite to thoroughly enjoying the movie. The focus on human dignity, friendship, trust and a taste of revenge makes it all worthwhile. There are broad brushes of stereotypes in the characters, but that fault doesn’t diminish the impact of the movie. This movie is important, it is special and it is not to be missed. Best movie I have seen so far this year. 5 cans.

103. Sunrise at Campobello (1960) – Ralph Bellamy does a credible job playing Franklin Delano Roosevelt from the time he contracted infantile paralysis (polio) in 1921 until his return to a national stage at the 1924 Democratic National Convention. The paralyzed politician is determined – with the encouragement of his chief advisor, Louie Howe (Hume Cronyn) – to return to the spotlight in hopes of seeking the presidency one day. FDR, as we now know, was rarely photographed in a wheelchair, and, with the help of heavy metal braces and physical support by his son, appeared to walk. In this movie, he is wheelchair bound, honing his upper body strength and remaining determinedly chipper. Greer Garson is much too pretty to accurately depict wife Eleanor, even with false teeth. Eleanor must learn to cope with her husband’s condition and must take on speaking engagements in lieu of her husband to keep his name in the public. The movie is well-done, but it leaves out so much of what we now know about FDR, his wife and his condition. However, grading it on a scale of “it is what it is,” I’ll give it 3½ cans. Besides, when do I ever get to see “Spin & Marty’s” Tim Considine (who plays son James Roosevelt) in anything other than a Disney movie?

104. Flipped* (2010) – If you liked the movie “Stand By Me,” or if you are a fan of the TV series “The Wonder Years,” chances are you’ll flip for director Rob Reiner’s sweet romantic movie. Bryce Losky (Callan McAuliff) and his family move to the suburban neighborhood where friendly Juli Baker (Madelyn Carroll) lives. One look at Bryce’s eyes and little Juli falls hard for the second-grader, and for the next six years, as she pursues and annoys him, he avoids and ignores her. But at the end of junior high, the tables turn, and suddenly it is Bryce whose crush becomes unrequited love. This is a gentle stroll down memory lane, when life was uncomplicated – unless you were a kid in love. Reiner shows his knack for getting the best out of child actors, and, in the end, it’s hard not to have a crush on the whole movie. 4 cans.

105. One on One (1977) – As a big basketball fan, I have a certain fondness for this story about a freshman basketball player recruited from a hick town to play for fictional Western University, a powerhouse basketball team. Robby Benson plays Henry Steele, a kid whose ball-handling skills and ability to score are highly prized as a recruit, but whose innocence and desire to please hinder his role on a team run by an authoritarian coach (G.D. Spradlin, who is as much of an SOB here as he was in Godfather II). Henry comes in as a star, but his style doesn’t fit the coach’s system, and he works his way down the coach’s bench. But his love for the game and willingness to take whatever is dished out – along with a budding relationship with his tutor (Annette O’Toole) – help his resolve to remain in school when the coach demands he give up his scholarship. This movie shows the unsavory aspects of college athletics (no-show jobs, cash from boosters) but is grounded by a winning performance from Benson – who actually can play. 3½ cans.

106. The Kids Are Alright (2010) – Since I reviewed this movie last year and gave it 4 ½ cans, I won’t repeat the review except to say that I still enjoyed it. One thing I noticed, at the end, was that when the parents of the daughter drove her to college, it only required one trip from the car by each of them and their son to unload the car. I didn’t know how unrealistic that was at the time, but, having seen my nephew Brandon’s carload of crap headed to the University of Maryland, I can say that this scene was pure fantasy.

107. The Clearing* (2004) – You mean there is actually a Robert Redford movie that I knew nothing about? Yes, this suspenseful drama stars Redford as Wayne, a wealthy businessman living a comfortable life with his lovely wife Eileen (Helen Mirren), until one day when he is abducted by a disgruntled former employee he barely knows (Willem Dafoe, excellent as a semi-deranged loser). When Wayne doesn’t show up for dinner, Eileen knows something is amiss. As she and the authorities wait for contact by the kidnapper(s), she learns more about her husband than she ever wanted to know. Meanwhile, Wayne has only his wits to help him escape as the kidnapper leads him through the woods to a clearing. This is a taut drama that incorporates the mundane parts of police work needed to identify potential bad guys while the family impatiently waits. Good performances and Redford and Mirren alone make the movie worth seeing. 3½ cans.

108. The Last Dance* (2000) – This is one of those cheesy Hallmark dramas that you don’t want to like, isn’t high art but you watch all the way through anyway. The ever-lovely Maureen O’Hara plays Helen Parker, an aging former Latin teacher, widowed at an early age and long retired. When she develops heart trouble, she lands in the hospital and is tended to by nurse Todd (Eric Stolz), a former student. Turns out Mrs. P still has a few lessons to teach Todd and his family about life and love and building memories. I hate that this stuff always gives me a lump in my throat, but Ita Sit (“so be it” in Latin). 3 cans.

109. The Sweet Smell of Success* (1957) – The Sweet Smell of Success didn’t quite stink, but it didn’t quite succeed for me, either. A quintessential 50s movie, this black and white film features Tony Curtis as Sidney Falco, a New York press agent, desperately currying favor with all-powerful columnist J.J. Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster). The mention of a client’s name in J.J.’s column can make or break the press agent, who bows to every whim of the smug writer. The plot seemed less important as a story than as a device to showcase the ruthlessness of the main characters, with the tale neatly set in the after-hours nightclubs and joints of New York City. I am not a Burt Lancaster fan, but Tony Curtis brings a handsome face and a skittish sense of desperation to his role. 3 cans.

110. Divorce, American Style* (1964) – Marriage may be complicated, but it’s nothing compared to divorce in this black comedy starring Dick Van Dyke and Debbie Reynolds as a bickering couple who uncouple. Van Dyke goes from a successful businessman in a nice house to living on less that $100 a week. Their separation and divorce is filled with rancor and not enough regret. Jason Robards plays a divorced man who befriends Van Dyke, recruiting him to date his own ex-wife and relieve his alimony burden. The only scene I thought was genuinely funny was when divorced dad Tom Bosley explains to Debbie Reynolds the plethora of kids belonging to him, his ex-wife, her first husband, her next husband, his second ex-wife, etc. Even the kids can’t keep track of all their siblings. I didn’t want to keep track of the characters in this movie, since only Van Johnson, playing a local used car salesman, seemed like a good guy. 2½ cans.

Almost Gone

“I don’t remember growing older; when did they?” (“Fiddler on the Roof”)

Well, of course I don’t remember growing older. I’m old now, and I can’t remember much.

But I do remember the past 18 years with my nephew, Brandon.

He is about to start a new life as a freshman at the University of Maryland. Brandon is excited and ready – we hope – to leave home. I’ll let his parents worry about the practical things: Will he like his roommate? Does he have enough contact lens solution? Will he ever do laundry?

Instead, I’ll wax poetic about my own worries for him and look back at our time together. Does he have enough empathy for people? What kind of place will the world be when he is ready to enter it as an adult? Did I spend enough quality aunt-time with him?

Will he text me from college once in a while?

I have to admit that being an aunt is easy. When Brandon would get cranky or involved in video games to the point that a bomb could explode in the room and he wouldn’t notice, I’d leave and go home. It’s not like being a parent, where you have to stick around, even on the worst days, and where you worry about them every minute, even as you worry about your role as a parent.

No, as an aunt, it is all about fun. I think of the first time I took him to the Jersey shore. His mother sent every piece of aqua equipment imaginable, from goggles to shoes to those swimmies kids wear on their arms, a Styrofoam bubble and enough sunscreen to live for years in the desert. When we first entered the ocean and he felt the waves, he clung tightly to me and implored, “Stop the waves, T, stop the waves.” I tried to explain that although I might appear to be all powerful as his aunt, it was actually beyond my realm to stop the waves.

We liked to play catch in the backyard when he was little, and, as he grew, I’d throw the ball as high as I could. One day I was hitting balls to him when his friend came over to play. “You better back up,” he warned. “My aunt can really hit.” Few compliments have meant more to me than that expression of admiration.

We went to movies together that he enjoyed (while I enjoyed a nap) and a few we enjoyed equally. When I couldn’t stop crying during “My Dog Skip,” he patted me to comfort me and later told my sister that the movie was “heartbreaking.” An astute movie review from a seven-year-old, I thought.

Years ago, when I had him laughing hysterically about some silly thing, Brandon told me that I was the funniest person he knew. “Do you know a lot of funny people?” I inquired. “Yes, I do,” he asserted. I think he was six at the time.

And then there was the infamous Sno-Cap “incident” (which must always be referenced with “air quotes;” even as a child, Brandon was big on “air” quotes). I wasn’t actually present for the Sno-Cap “incident,” but I experienced the fallout. Brandon was at the movies with the other movie fanatic in the family, his father, when he shoved a few too many (probably something like 60) Sno-Caps in his mouth and thought he was choking. His father took him to the bathroom, got him water and took him home, concerned that he was still choking. On the way home, they stopped at the police station, where they called the Rescue Squad (manned, ironically, by the person from the movies who sold him the Sno-Caps), who examined him and assured them both that he was fine. For years afterwards, Brandon refused to eat at the movies for fear of choking. (I guess the idea of only eating 4-5 Sno-Caps at one time held little or no appeal.) But he was so spooked for so long, that we would be at a movie or a Rutgers basketball game and he’d turn to me to ask, “Am I still breathing?” I told him that if he could ask that question, he was, in fact, able to breathe. He’s gotten over the fear of eating bad food at public events and understands now that he is breathing all of the time, but none of us will ever forget the Sno-Cap “incident.”

I remember the first basketball game we went to together. He was fascinated less by the play on the court than by the numbers changing on the scoreboard. A few years later he knew enough to remark instead on the use of a zone defense vs. man-to-man. You can only imagine how that thrilled me as a basketball fanatic.

Over time, as he got more involved in his own activities, my role was simply to tag along to watch. I have seen many boring T-ball games, more than a few soccer games in the blistering heat or the freezing cold, and I witnessed his one brief moment in an off-off-Broadway, middle school production of “West Side Story,” where he played a Jet – or was he a Shark? All I remember is that he was in the “rumble” scene, brandishing a paper towel roll as his weapon.

Every now and then I was called on to consult on a school project, but much less often than I anticipated. When he did his college essays, I was ready, willing and able to assist, but I found his essay so well-written that I could barely suggest a thing to change. Not that I was surprised. As his English-major aunt, I would expect him to have at least a modicum of writing ability. Luckily, he never needed my help in math. It is more likely that I would need his.

It is harder and harder these days to spend time together or even to communicate with Brandon – except by text. After all, this is the kid who once texted his mother from the bathroom because he needed a new roll of toilet paper (yes, this is a true story). Now he is out of school and spends time with his friends (who, much to my pleasure, call me “Aunt T”), works part-time and devotes countless hours doing what all boys his age do – playing video games, downloading music and staring at small screens while tapping on their keyboards. When we head out for an infrequent lunch together, he likes to play songs for me from his iPod that he has picked out because he thinks I’ll like them. While I don’t think we have any of the same songs on our respective iPods, I have to admit that the kid has a good ear for what I might enjoy.

I guess that the infrequent times spent together in these latter years will help me adjust to his absence, being away at college, busy with his friends, his studies and God-knows what else. It is his parents’ job to counsel him, and I am sure they have done it well. The advice from his aunt is somewhat different. Before he went to Cancun with his friends as his graduation gift from Mom and Dad, I advised him that if he got so drunk that he felt like he was going to throw up he should stick his finger down his throat and do it. You don’t get that kind of wisdom from parents or just any elder, you know, and I was young once, too.

Brandon is starting the best time of his life, with so many years and so much promise ahead. I can’t help wondering what life has in store for him, and if he is ready to tackle it all head on. I can’t help wondering if he knows everything he should know. I can’t help wondering if I will be able to dance at his wedding.

I can’t help wondering if I can learn to Skype so I can “see” him once in a while. He promised to Skype me (a noun used as a verb – horrors) on my birthday in October, so I have until then to get up to speed.

But mostly I can’t help wondering where the time has gone, even as I am thankful for every minute we spent together.

I just know it is time for him to go. Good luck, Brandon. Do great things, have fun and, once in a while, think about the times we spent together. I know I will.