Shore Enough

Shakespeare, Hemingway, Dickens.

These authors are so renowned that they can be identified by a single name. Now we can add a new legend to this pantheon of literary giants: Snooki.

Snooki? Really? Yes, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, self-described “guidette” and member of that TV phenomenon, “Jersey Shore.” Snooki is now a published author, having “written” a “book” called “A Shore Thing.”

Snooki, whom most of us are certain has never read a book, is now an author, albeit with a vocabulary that includes words such as “gorilla juicehead.” Will she be in the Library of Congress? Has she ever actually been in a library?

For those of you not up on your pop culture, “Jersey Shore,” which debuted last year, carries on the MTV “Real World” tradition of putting young strangers in a house – this time in Seaside Heights, NJ – and recording their every movement, hoping for drama and abhorrent behavior. No problem. Though these young “adults” do exactly what you did when you went down the shore – beach, bars and booze – they take it to the next level, complete with hook-ups, hangovers and arrests (OK, some of you undoubtedly are thinking, “That was my time at the shore, too.”). With the cameras rolling and the encouragement to make it interesting by the ever-present producers, they binge and brawl – mostly the girls – and call each other names that cannot be repeated here. And that’s just in episode 1.

Not that it matters for TV purposes, but most of the cast comes from outside NJ and some aren’t even Italian, despite the large Italian flag hung on the door of the shore house. They are the ultimate “bennies.” If you are in a bar when they come along, you have to sign a release to give permission to the producers to use you on TV. Some of the patrons let more than the producers use them, but I’m not entirely sure that makes sluts any different from the way they behaved back in my day, does it? It’s just that these people do their dirty deeds in the “smush room” for all of us to see via voyeuristic TV.

Last season the cast transplanted itself to Miami, ignoring the fact that the Jersey Shore can only accurately be located in New Jersey. This change in locale was needed because the shore season here runs between Memorial Day and Labor Day, and the kids needed a new place to get into trouble – I mean shoot new episodes – so Miami’s beaches served the purpose.

Now the show is back in New Jersey, broadcasting episodes shot this past summer with largely the same themes. Snooki has toned down her trademark “poof” hair a little, but she’s still sauntering around, barely clad, and wearing lots of bedazzled headwear. There is the ever-present tension in the relationship between Sammi and her meathead boyfriend Ronnie that usually results in a catfight with Jenni (“J-Woww,” and if you catch a glimpse of her enhanced anatomy, you will understand the reason for the “wow”). Mike, Pauly D and Vinny still cruise for chicks and try to avoid “grenades” (bad-looking chicks, in their parlance) after going through their GTL (gym, tanning, laundry) ritual. At least we know they are clean, right?

Believe me, I am not proud to say I watch this show. The conversations here are hardly fodder for the Algonquin Roundtable, and there are virtually no redeeming reasons to observe this kind of behavior other than to decry it. (I justify my addiction by comparing myself to an anthropologist observing behavior. Yeah, that’s the ticket, I’m freakin’ Margaret Mead!) It is like passing an accident on the highway – you can’t help but look. Besides, it shows aspects of our culture that we can recognize as the end of the world as we know it – if this behavior in any way represents the generation it depicts on TV. I hope not.

Let’s put it this way: If I lived next door to these people, I’d move. And if they were my kids, I’d cut them off. Not that it would matter, because they are all well-paid on this break from their real-life waitressing and bar-tending jobs. Mike “The Situation” is purportedly earning $5 million this year alone, parlaying his fame and his amazing abs into a stint on the mostly respectable, more mainstream show “Dancing With the Stars.” And Andy Warhol promised they’d only be famous for 15 minutes.

With all this activity, it makes you wonder how Snooki had time to write that book, doesn’t it (she said, dripping with sarcasm)? All I know is that the rumbling sound you hear is Shakespeare, Hemingway and Dickens turning over in their graves.

The producers recently announced that the show’s stars are being deported – I mean planning to travel – to Italy for the next batch of episodes. I remember the first time I was in Italy, reveling in the rich culture and history of Rome and appalled to see that omnipresent American export, McDonald’s, on the way to the Coliseum. And now we send Italy our best and brightest – Snooki.

Good luck, Italy.

Tina's January Movies 2011

Tina's January Movies

This year I have resolved to try to see movies I have never seen before or movies that I haven’t seen in such a long time that I can barely remember them. That means occasionally bypassing “The Graduate” and “Shawshank Redemption” – or at least not reviewing them – in favor of something completely different (see number 6 below). For those of you who follow along, I hope to continue to give you suggestions you find useful or to entertain you along the way. As always, films are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, preferably my favorite, Bumble Bee.

1. Requiem for a Heavyweight (TV) – This is Rod Serling’s sad tale of Mountain Rivera, an over-the-hill heavyweight boxer (Anthony Quinn) who is one blow away from blindness. After a 17-year career and one-time title hopes, Mountain has nowhere to go and nothing to do. A kind heart and an addled mind make him feel obligated to his manager (Jackie Gleason), who has been making a living off his prize catch long beyond the boxer’s true expiration date. Mountain, proud that he never took a dive, doesn’t know that his own manager bet against him to cash in on a big payday, only to be thwarted by the boxer’s unexpected stamina. Gleason, Mickey Rooney and Quinn, with a mumble like Marlon Brando’s Vito Corleone, shine in this drama, originally produced for TV. Julie Harris has a part as a sympathetic unemployment worker anxious to help Rivera (that part seemed a little on the science fiction side to me). 4 cans.
2. Raging Bull (TV) – It sickens me to think of Robert DeNiro selling his creative soul to commercial crap like “Little Fockers.” Here he portrays boxer Jake LaMotta, a raging man who bulls his way through life, wives, family, friends and the boxing ring. This movie, along with “Mean Streets,” represents the quintessential collaboration between DeNiro and director Martin Scorsese, depicting New York life and desperate characters searching for something they cannot quite understand. This is the first movie I can recall where an actor transformed his body to resemble the character – first trimming down to a buff physique and then by gaining 80 pounds to play the same character as fat, flabby and nearly forgotten. Brilliant work, made better by the astute choice of black and white cinematography that adds a gritty texture. One of the best movies ever made, but clearly not for all audiences. 5 raging cans.
3. The Caine Mutiny (TCM) – This thought-provoking movie stars Humphrey Bogart as Lt. Colonel Queeg, the somewhat paranoid, slightly off-kilter Captain of the Caine, a ship in disrepair that the captain is determined to salvage. His senior officers immediately dislike his by-the-book approach, focusing on details like having the crew’s shirts tucked in, and they question his courage. When a typhoon hits the ship near Pearl Harbor, Queeg’s insistence on following orders puts the ship in jeopardy and causes Executive Officer Steven Marek (Van Johnson) to take control. Is Marek’s act a mutiny, or was the ship in danger of going down because of Queeg’s incompetence? Watch the movie and see for yourself. In the end, it’s all about the strawberries. 4½ cans.
4. Mildred Pierce (TCM) – Is there a mother anywhere who hasn’t said (or at least wanted to say) to her child, “After all I do for you, this is the gratitude I get?” In the case of Mildred Pierce, you could hardly blame her. Mildred (Joan Crawford, complete with big bangs, oversized shoulder pads and oh, those eyebrows, won an Oscar for her performance) is a hard working mother who dotes on her daughters. When the younger one dies, all of her attention shifts to Veda, her spoiled older daughter whose taste for the good life makes her ever more demanding. This is the classic ‘40s style movie, shot in black and white, with that film noir look. Everybody smokes and drinks, the men all wear fedoras, the score is dramatic and oh, yeah, somebody gets shot. I liked this movie, but I couldn’t stopping thinking about the Carol Burnett-Harvey Korman take-off. 3½ cans, mostly for the style.
5. Fly Away Home (TV) – When 13-year old Amy (Anna Paquin) loses her mother in a car accident, she goes to live with her hippy father (Jeff Daniels) on a farm in Canada. The estranged duo bond over a flock of geese that Amy rescues. Like Mother Goose, Amy leads the flock all around the farm while her rather odd duck father hatches a seemingly bird-brained plan to teach Amy to fly a small plane so she can lead the birds on their migration, which they cannot do without a mother. Amy flies the flock hundreds of miles away to wetlands threatened by a developer. This movie contains beautiful flight sequences as the geese soar over the countryside, following Amy and her little goose-painted plane. It won’t surprise you to know that the birds land safely. 3½ cans.
6. Monty Python & the Holy Grail (TV) – And now for something completely different, we follow the adventures of Arthur, King of the Britons, as he and his knights seek the holy grail. Accompanied by Lancelot, Galahad and a band of brothers, they gallop horseless around the countryside, facing killer rabbits, insulting Frenchmen and animated threats in their quest for absolute silliness. A little of the Python troop goes a long way, but this is the holy grail of Python antics. 3½ cans for imagination and exuberance.
7. The Thin Man (TCM) – Whodunit? That’s the question facing urbane Nick Charles, slick sleuth husband to Nora and a reluctant detective in a case where more bodies keep turning up. Considered the gem in the series of Nick and Nora movies, this 1934 movie is more style than substance. Nick and Nora prefer drinking to detective work, and their world is filled with what were then called “gay” parties, which at the time meant nothing more than having fun. Nick ultimately solves the case in a roomful of suspects, in a way that reminded me of Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the lead pipe. Modestly entertaining and intriguing. 3½ cans.
8. The Great Waldo Pepper (TV) – In keeping with this year’s theme of watching movies I either haven’t seen in many years or have never seen, I thought I’d revisit this 1975 story of barnstorming pilots in an aerial circus in the 1920s. I tried to remember what I initially found so appealing about this “Not So Great Waldo Pepper” movie and realized it was just one thing – its star, Robert Redford. I was a sucker for Redford back then, with his tousled blond hair and toothy grin. He starred in many of my favorite movies – “All the President’s Men,” “Butch Cassidy,” “The Way We Were” and “The Sting” – but this is really the weak link in that chain of hits. In the words of the Bo Swenson character, “I don’t like it much.” 3 cans.
9. True Grit (in Manville, with Dee) – I don’t recall much from the original version of this western, but I can tell you that Jeff Bridges in his first 10 minutes outplays John Wayne as Rooster Cogburn. Here Bridges is a US. Marshall hired by young Maddie to track down her father’s killer. Bridges has really come into his own as an actor and here extends his recent success as Oscar’s Best Actor last year. Matt Damon plays a Texas Ranger already on the killer’s trail. The revelation is 14-year old Maddie, played with true grit by newcomer Hailee Steinfeld, who is light years ahead of the pouty Kim Darby in the original. There are some great lines in this version, and if you can get past the blood and mayhem (at one point I said to my friend, “I see dead people” because of all the shootings), it’s a fun ride. You don’t see many Westerns anymore, and, in fact, the last time I saw two men on horses it was in “Brokeback Mountain.” This is no BBM. 4 cans.
10. Shattered Glass (TV) – In the 1990s, young reporter Stephen Glass turned out a series of articles for The New Republic magazine that were so rich in detail and filled with such interesting characters that they almost read like fiction. Turns out, they were. Incredibly gifted and equally insecure, Glass wanted so much to win friends and influence people that he never let the facts get in the way, and if he couldn’t get the facts he wanted, he simply made them up. A hole in the fact-checking process at the magazine allowed checkers to rely on the reporter’s notes. When a rival magazine wants to do a follow-up on one of his stories, Glass’ world begins to shatter. Hayden Christiansen plays Glass as a skittish, lonely, people pleaser, and Peter Saarsgard delivers substance as his editor, growing ever more skeptical as Glass spins lie upon lie. Well acted and with an intriguing story that makes us question the veracity of what we read. 4 cans.
11. Big Night (TV) – Big Night is a big deal for sibling restaurateurs Primo and Secundo (Tony Shalhoub and Stanley Tucci) in this comedy-drama. There’s good cooking in the kitchen, but the failing restaurant isn’t attracting enough business to keep the place going. A local competitor promises to get bandleader Louis Prima to stop by, and Primo prepares the meal of a lifetime. There is plenty of pasta with a side portion of bickering between brothers here, as they wait for their big break, risking everything on one big night. Both actors are underrated in general, and I find Tucci strong and believable, though I can’t vouch for anyone’s Italian accent. All I know is that the big pasta dish looked mighty tasty to me, and the movie had tasty morsels of its own. 3½ cans.
12. The Lion in Winter (TCM) – “What family doesn’t have its ups and downs?” ponders Eleanor, estranged wife of Henry. Dr. Phil would have a field day with this couple, whose love-hate relationship and disappointment in their three sons’ ability to succeed Henry in the family business cause constant bickering. The fact that Henry is the King of England and keeps his royal wife Eleanor for the most part locked up in a tower while he pursues young Alice so she can give him better sons understandably adds to the strain in their relationship. Brilliant dialog and tongue-in-cheek performances by leads Peter O’Toole and Katherine Hepburn (who shared the Oscar that year with newcomer Barbra Streisand) result in a thoroughly satisfying and often amusing tale. A young Anthony Hopkins plays oldest son Richard. I hadn’t seen this movie in years but it was worth the wait. 5 cans.

In Security

I arrived at the Rutgers Athletic Center for a recent basketball game and offered up my purse to the security guard for a routine check. As he pawed through my possessions, the young man asked, “Do you have any small firearms?”

Aside from Charlie’s Angels, I don’t know a single woman who could extricate a gun from her purse – or even locate a gun IN her purse if she had one – in time to do herself any good in the event of a mugging or other situation where protection might be appropriate. I am not in favor of guns of any kind, but if I owned one, I would use it like Barney Fife – gun safely holstered on my hip and bullet securely stored in my pocket.

“No,” I answered the guard, rather taken aback. “Just coupons and lip quencher.” Hey, it’s not like I was carrying a cap for a bottle of water, for which I think Rutgers throws you in jail or, even worse, makes you repeat your freshman class in Western Civ. Once I had a bottle cap confiscated from my purse during one of these routine checks. I’ve probably been profiled ever since. If I turned up now with either a small firearm or a bottle cap, I’d probably be subjected to a strip search (not without dinner and a movie!).

When I recounted this tale to one of my fan friends, she said I just looked “suspicious.” On the contrary, to avoid profiling of any sort, if I am asked, everyone should be asked about carrying small firearms (and have their bottle caps confiscated, a situation you can mitigate by carrying one in your pocket, I’m told). Another friend told me about a woman she knows who was asked about carrying a bomb or explosive device at an airport screening. She made the wrong choice by attempting a humorous reply that she did have a bomb. Not so funny, declared the TSA team, who cleared the area, took her bag outside and detonated it. That woman with the poor judgment WAS my friend’s doctor, but she has since switched physicians. After all, you don’t really want your doctor to tell you that your test results came back and you are dying – oops, only kidding! That story makes me glad I reacted timidly to the RU security guard when asked about carrying small firearms and that I didn’t have a snappy rejoinder like, “No, my weapons are all outside in my car.”

Security makes me insecure. I worry about my image on a full body scan and whether the airport security staff will laugh. I worry about having my overstuffed bag opened and then having to repack it in time to make the flight. The way I pack, it could be an Olympic event, with time trails and everything. I worry that they will confiscate my mousse and my hair will be flat for the rest of my trip.

When I worked for Johnson & Johnson, there was a poster that instructed employees to be aware of their surroundings and, if they saw someone carrying something that looked suspicious, to report it. I was confounded by this request. First, everyone entering the building carts in all manner of bags. There are laptop cases, gym bags, the tote bag you use for your shoes and lunch, the bag carrying the leftover cheesecake you don’t want in your house so you bring it to the office – you get the idea. So how qualified would I be to determine what looks suspicious? And second, if I did want to report someone, how would I do it? Would I tell the person in my sternest voice to stay right there and don’t move because you look suspicious and I am reporting you? Would I sneak off to the security desk and stand on line behind three visitors and two people signing in because they forgot their ID badges while the alleged would-be perpetrator made his/her way through the building with a potentially deadly cheesecake? Should this be my responsibility?

I always though it was strange that Johnson & Johnson security wanted employees to pick up their guests visiting the building. If one of them had a gun or an explosive device, would you want me to disarm the person? I’m not sure my secretary should be responsible for the security of the Tower where top management has its offices. Besides, once in, a guest can wander around all day, as long as her/she wears the temporary security badge issued.

Ironically, now, when I return to J&J, they make me stand on line and sign in, even after showing them my official retiree card. It’s like I didn’t work there for 34 years, or everyone has forgotten me. So much for “gone, but not forgotten.”

And then there was the time my friend’s husband came to Johnson & Johnson for lunch. After spending 10 minutes chatting with him, asking about his grandchildren and how he was enjoying retirement, the security guard, before allowing him to enter the building, said, “Jack, I’m going to need to see some ID.” Really? You know his name and his grandchildren and you want ID? Wasn’t your conversation with him interrogation enough to prove it was really him? After all, he knew the names of the grandchildren, didn’t he?

And besides, it wasn’t like he was carrying a small firearm. Or a bottle cap.

Tina's Favorite Movies of 2010

2010 wasn't a great year for movies. Nothing really blew me away, although I enjoyed revisiting many old favorites. I have included on this Top 10 List only movies I had not seen before, even if they were old movies. Of the new movies, the first one I saw in 2010, "It's Complicated," was the funniest movie I saw all year. I'd give "Mao's Last Dancer" the nod for my favorite movie of the year, although I learned more from watching "The Art of the Steal" and "Waiting for Superman." Thank God for documentaries. Finally, in the last month of the year, the Holocaust doubleheader of "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" and "Sophie's Choice" stood out as moving and classic. So here's what you might want to consider for your NetFlix queue.

1. It’s Complicated (with Nancy @ Hillsborough) – As my favorite sister always says, “Meryl never disappoints.” Alec Baldwin was great, too. Very funny movie with perfect references for the over-50 crowd. Loved it. 4½ tuna cans

20. Standing in the Shadows of Motown (TV) – If Motown is the soundtrack of your youth, you’ve heard all the great musicians featured in this wonderful documentary about the Funk Brothers, the men behind the familiar hits by the Temptations, Four Tops, Martha Reeves, Stevie Wonder and many more. Largely unknown beyond the studios of Detroit, these mostly jazz musicians contributed the funk and the groove that was Motown in its heyday. Just think of the distinctive guitar riff that opens “My Girl” and you will recognize their work immediately. My first documentary of the year, and a terrific one at that. 4½ cans.

42. The Art of the Steal (TV on demand) – Dr. Albert Barnes was strictly an outsider to the Philadelphia establishment and art community that once scorned his collection of post-Impressionist and Modern art on display at the Barnes Foundation he built outside the city. The animosity was so real that Barnes stipulated in his will that the experience of seeing these masterpieces be done only in the building he built and designed for that purpose. Following his death and realizing the value of the collection – today estimated to be more than $25 billion – the power brokers tried for years to pry the collection away from its home and bring it downtown, where it could boost tourism and the coffers of the city. This enthralling tale is the best documentary I have seen since “The Rape of Europa,” an account of how the Nazis stole art from private collections and museums during World War II. The movies have a lot in common, except I think the Nazis actually appreciated the art in much the way Barnes did. 4½ cans.

80. The Kids Are All Right (in Montgomery with Dee and Angela) – Annette Bening is an uptight doctor with control issues and her partner, played by Julianne Moore, is a new age, middle aged woman looking for the right vibe – or something. When the kids in the title, an 18-year old daughter by Bening and a 15-year son named Laser by Moore, track down their sperm donor dad (Mark Ruffalo), relationships begin to change for everyone. Rough around the edges Ruffalo, a single restaurateur who is way too cool to be a real dad, nonetheless brings some perspective to the kids that their Moms could not. He also brings something to Moore that Bening cannot. She had him at “Hello!” 4 cans.

95. Mao’s Last Dancer (@ Montgomery with Angela and Dee) – After a stop for lunch at a nearby Chinese restaurant, my pool pals and I passed up a glorious day to see what turned out to be a glorious film. This movie is based on the true story of Li Cunxin, a boy plucked out of his tiny, impoverished village by the Chinese government for special training. With years of hard work and determination, he grows into an accomplished ballet dancer who has an opportunity to study with the Houston Ballet. Young Li assimilates into the American culture rapidly, much to the consternation of the Chinese officials who decide he must return to China. Should he defect and risk both the safety of his family remaining in China and the chance that he may never see them again? Or should he stay and enjoy his new-found freedom and the girl he loves? This is a wondrous ode to ballet, a harsh look at Mao’s regime and a salute to the joys of freedom and the arts. So good you want to see it again an hour later. 4½ cans.

106. The Social Network (Manville, with Chris) – Ironically, the founder of Facebook, Marc Zuckerberg, is so socially inept (as portrayed in this movie) that the man who launched millions of friendships has nearly none of his own. According to the movie, Zuckerberg gets drunk after his girlfriend dumps him, and, holed up in his dorm room at Harvard, trashes her on the Internet. He then concocts a way to capture all of the “Facebook” images of fellow students to rate girls. His rampage becomes an instant hit and attracts the attention of three students working on a social networking site who seek out his computer skills. Zuckerberg morphs their idea into Facebook, leading to suits by them and by his best friend for acing him out of the company just as it explodes with success. The motto here is that you can have a million friends and still be a very lonely guy. Well played by all and written with his usual glibness by Aaron Sorkin. 4 cans.

116. Waiting for Superman (@Montgomery with Dee) – Even Superman is not enough to save the educational system in the U.S. As this documentary points out, it’s not all about money; we spend more to house prisoners for the average 4-year sentence than we do for 12 years of education per student. But by every measure – reading and math scores, percentage of dropouts, percentage of students who attend college – the U.S. is slipping further behind other developed nations, making our ability to fill jobs and grow the economy precarious at best. We have not only jeopardized our future as a nation, but, by allowing the future of individual students to rest on what amounts to the luck of the draw as they vie for precious spots in better schools, the system fails them every day. The solid gains recorded by good teachers in better schools cannot possibly make up for the hordes of truly bad, disinterested teachers still leading classes or, worse, who are flagged for the “rubber room,” waiting for hearings and drawing full pay and benefits. Washington, D.C., schools chancellor Michelle Rhee is portrayed as the visionary administrator ready to make the hard choices, but she has to face union leader Randi Weingarten, here playing the role of Cruella DeVille. This is a riveting and infuriating story, humanized by the young students and their families who yearn for a good education and the promise of a bright future. 4½ cans.

126. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (TV) – The horrors of the Holocaust hit ever closer to home in this view of WWII through the eyes of the 8-year-old son of a German commandant. When the family leaves Berlin for the father’s new assignment in “the countryside,” the boy leaves behind his friends and wants to explore the nearby “farm.” He encounters an 8-year-old Jewish boy in what is not a farm at all, but a concentration camp run by his father. Despite the barbed wire between them, the two boys strike up a friendship with frequent visits and snacks provided by the German. Young and naïve, he doesn’t see the evil referred to by others in Jews, and he plots to help his friend. The pace quickens considerably at the end of the movie, as the family frantically searches for their little lost boy. Harrowing and moving, this film gives a new perspective to evil. 4½ cans.

127. Sophie’s Choice (TV) – If you’re going to have Holocaust month at the movies, you might as well go all in with this classic, which I had never seen. Meryl Streep is a Polish refugee living with her American boyfriend (Kevin Kline) in a Brooklyn boarding house when aspiring Southern author Peter McNichol moves in to form a friendly threesome. Her very existence has resulted from a series of choices, and she has secrets she cannot bring herself to share. Streep won the Oscar for her role here, and she really demonstrates her ability to become the character she portrays. In Brooklyn, she lives an almost normal life, trying desperately not to let her past overtake her future. In the scenes depicting her experiences in a concentration camp she is thin and frail, her skin nearly transparent and her eyes sunken and scared. The secrets and the realities are too much for anyone to bear. I don’t know how I managed to miss this movie for all of these years (it came out in 1982), but it was worth the wait. 5 cans. And I never want to see it again.

131. The King’s Speech (@ Princeton, with Nancy and Hank) – Though she feared this story of the stammering King of England would be a British version of the Mel Tillis story, my favorite sister agreed to let it be our Christmas Day movie, extending a long tradition that has included everything from “The Godfather” to “Where Angels Go Trouble Follows” to “Dreamgirls.” She would tell you that the whole thing would have run 30 minutes if the poor King (Colin Firth) could just spit out the words. Of course, the fact that the film broke twice (just as King Edward was about to abdicate) merely extended the time and the frustration – in her eyes. The story was interesting, the acting first rate, but I would have to agree it was trying to hear him trying and trying to speak. So much for the King’s English. Geoffrey Rush as the speech coach (with a face that only Mrs. Potato Head could love) becomes more of a therapist and friend than merely a coach. His exchanges with the recalcitrant King bring welcome humor to an otherwise drawn-out period piece. At the end, we kept waiting for Porky Pig to pop out on the screen and declare with his own stammer, “That’s all folks.” 4 cans from me (Nan grants a mere 3, being generous, she says), maybe more if we had seen every scene, but maybe not, either.

Tina's December Movies 2010

My movies this month ranged from horrifying to heroic, with some good old ones and some good new ones. All in all, not a bad way to end the year. Stay tuned for my list of the best movies of 2010.

Numbering picks up from last month.

123. Unstoppable (@Hillsborough with Dee & Sheila) – Denzel Washington and Chris Pine have an interesting first day working together as the engineer and conductor on a freight train assignment that starts out slowly and ends up with them trying to stop a runaway train in its tracks. Based on a true story, the unmanned train hurtles through the Pennsylvania countryside, threatening the small towns in its path with both speed and its highly combustible cargo. As a former PR professional in a major corporation, I must admit some eyebrow raising over the stereotypical portrayal of corporate stupidity, particularly with the CEO handling the call about the potential disaster while on the golf course. I'm hoping that some dramatic license applies here, because it is hard to believe that the railroad employees could be either that idiotic or that heroic. If you are looking for a relaxing time at the movies, please miss this train. But if you like heart-stopping action, all aboard! 4 cans.
124. The Man From Snowy River (TV) – This western (as in Western Australia) really isn’t about a man but about a young man facing life on the rugged plains of Australia without his father, killed by stampeding horses. He hires on as a hand on the ranch of American Kirk Douglas, in a dual role as a rancher and a miner who befriends the young man. This is not the kind of movie I like, but it isn’t a bad movie. There’s just not much in it to admire beyond the typical cowboy stereotypes (ridin’ and ropin’ and drinkin’ and the young man growing up nobly). I don’t think that wild horses – which play a prominent role throughout the film – could drag me into seeing it again. 2½ cans.
125. Young @ Heart (TV) – My father always said that you are only as old as you feel. In this engaging documentary, a group of senior citizens may feel old, but performing in a Northampton, Massachusetts, choral group called Young @ Heart keeps them young and active. Group leader Bob Silman challenges them with contemporary tunes from Sonic Youth, James Brown and the Pointer Sisters, and, while it takes them a bit longer to master the lyrics that it might have 50 years ago, they get it down and make it funky. This movie demonstrates the importance of having a purpose, of loving what you do and of having the support of friends, especially as you age. The show must go on. I think my father would have liked this movie. I know I did. 4½ cans.
126. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (TV) – The horrors of the Holocaust hit ever closer to home in this view of WWII through the eyes of the 8-year-old son of a German commandant. When the family leaves Berlin for the father’s new assignment in “the countryside,” the boy leaves behind his friends and wants to explore the nearby “farm.” He encounters an 8-year-old Jewish boy in what is not a farm at all, but a concentration camp run by his father. Despite the barbed wire between them, the two boys strike up a friendship with frequent visits and snacks provided by the German. Young and naïve, he doesn’t see the evil referred to by others in Jews, and he plots to help his friend. The pace quickens considerably at the end of the movie, as the family frantically searches for their little lost boy. Harrowing and moving, this film gives a new perspective to evil. 4½ cans.
127. Sophie’s Choice (TV) – If you’re going to have Holocaust month at the movies, you might as well go all in with this classic, which I had never seen. Meryl Streep is a Polish refugee living with her American boyfriend (Kevin Kline) in a Brooklyn boarding house when aspiring Southern author Peter McNichol moves in to form a friendly threesome. Her very existence has resulted from a series of choices, and she has secrets she cannot bring herself to share. Streep won the Oscar for her role here, and she really demonstrates her ability to become the character she portrays. In Brooklyn, she lives an almost normal life, trying desperately not to let her past overtake her future. In the scenes depicting her experiences in a concentration camp she is thin and frail, her skin nearly transparent and her eyes sunken and scared. The secrets and the realities are too much for anyone to bear. I don’t know how I managed to miss this movie for all of these years (it came out in 1982), but it was worth the wait. 5 cans. And I never want to see it again.
128. The Leopards Take Manhattan (HBO) – A welcome break from the Holocaust movies, this short HBO documentary is the counterpoint to “Young @ Heart.” Here a group of preteen percussionists from Louisville are put through their paces by devoted Diana Downs, a music teacher with an unconventional approach. You don’t have to know how to read music to be a Leopard. You just have to be willing to listen, to learn and to share, as each student begins to understand his or her part and works with another student to pass it along. We get to see an enormously appealing and diverse group of enthusiastic kids taking their first airplane trip, racing over the Brooklyn Bridge and falling on the ice at Rockefeller Center as they experience New York while in town to participate in a jazz concert. If you have HBO and a half an hour, you really should watch this movie. It is joyous. 4½ cans (5 if it had been longer).
129. The Black Swan (Montgomery with Dee and Angela) – Dear Tina: You know all those macabre movies (like “Psycho,” “The Shining” and “Carrie”) that you wisely avoided all these years? You should have listened to your instincts and missed this one, too (hey, if Natalie Portman can “wrestle” with two personalities, I can talk to myself). This movie is director Darren Aronofsky’s (“The Wrestler”) bizarre ballet, featuring fantasy, paranoia and a pencil-thin cast of real characters, headed by Portman in a role bound to get her an Oscar nomination. Barbara Hershey as her live-in Mom trumps any Mama Rose stage mother ever seen. I’m only grateful that my favorite sister was not along for this jaunt to Crazytown. You’d now have to take me kicking and screaming to see Swan Lake. 3½ cans for the art of the movie, but I wanted to walk out about 10 times. As Mom used to say, “Whatever happened to Andy Hardy?” Indeed.
130. A Christmas Story (TV) – After a harrowing turn with “The Black Swan,” this movie provided welcomed relief. For this Jewish girl, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without this Jean Shepherd classic. A wacky family, a tongue stuck to a metal pole, a pack of turkey-eating dogs, a leg-shaped lamp and a boy and his BB gun combine to ensure Happy Horidays for all. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra. 4 cans and a roasted duck.
131. The King’s Speech (@ Princeton, with Nancy and Hank) – Though she feared this story of the stammering King of England would be a British version of the Mel Tillis story, my favorite sister agreed to let it be our Christmas Day movie, extending a long tradition that has included everything from “The Godfather” to “Where Angels Go Trouble Follows” to “Dreamgirls.” She would tell you that the whole thing would have run 30 minutes if the poor King (Colin Firth) could just spit out the words. Of course, the fact that the film broke twice (just as King Edward was about to abdicate) merely extended the time and the frustration – in her eyes. The story was interesting, the acting first rate, but I would have to agree it was trying to hear him trying and trying to speak. So much for the King’s English. Geoffrey Rush as the speech coach (with a face that only Mrs. Potato Head could love) becomes more of a therapist and friend than merely a coach. His exchanges with the recalcitrant King bring welcome humor to an otherwise drawn-out period piece. At the end, we kept waiting for Porky Pig to pop out on the screen and declare with his own stammer, “That’s all folks.” 4 cans from me (Nan grants a mere 3, being generous, she says), maybe more if we had seen every scene, but maybe not, either.
132. Field of Dreams (TV) – This movie is director Phil Alden Robinson’s elegant elegy to the power of a dream, to the relationship between a father and his son and to the beauty that is baseball. Would-be farmer Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) plows under his Iowa cornfield to create his own baseball field after he hears a voice telling him, “If you build it he will come.” Luckily for him, he has an extremely understanding wife (the feisty Amy Madigan) who supports his strange but compelling need for this private field of dreams. One by one, led by Shoeless Joe Jackson, old-time ballplayers come by and play for Ray. An odd odyssey, this beautiful film is moving and poetic. 4 cans.
133. Tin Men (TV) – If you like director Barry Levinson’s “Diner,” you’ll like “Tin Men.” Ordinary men, all of whom sell aluminum siding, hang out at a diner and a nightclub, have inane conversations about topics like the lack of realism on “Bonanza,” and plot ways to con homeowners into buying aluminum siding, whether they need it or not. One day slick Richard Dreyfus pulls his brand new Cadillac out of the dealership when the car is hit by Danny DeVito. Each man vows vengeance on the other, with their actions escalating until Dreyfus woos DeVito’s wife. DeVito, on a losing streak, is hounded by the IRS and his boss and faces the Home Improvement Commission for his deceptive sales practices, so losing his wife is the least of his troubles. Not a great but an amusing movie, “Tin Men” cons its way into your heart. 3½ cans. And they’ll throw in storm windows if I up that to 4 cans.
134. Finding Nemo (TV) – I found Pixar’s animated feature clever but a bit drawn-out. It didn’t help that I watched it over a three-day period on a channel with commercials. But at least I found Nemo at last. 3 cans, though the characters might object to the whole tuna scale.
135. Guarding Tess (TV) – Shirley MacLaine plays Tess Carlisle, feisty former First Lady and first class pain-in-the-ass to Secret Service Agent Doug (Nicholas Cage), who heads her security detail. She never goes anywhere and treats the agents like waiters and servants, yet she won’t allow poor Doug to return to Washington for a more interesting assignment. The beloved First Lady isn’t even beliked by the men who guard her, but somehow she and Doug finally connect. A contrived plot, and Cage – not my favorite actor by far – looks like he has indigestion for most of the movie, but it has a kind of sweet ending. 3 cans.
136. The Fighter (in Hillsborough w/ Hank) – With a crack-smoking brother as his trainer, a shellacked-hair mother managing him and a Greek chorus of white trash sisters bugging him, boxer Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) has more battles outside the ring than inside. He hooks up with barmaid Charlene, a tough talking chick played by Amy Adams in a role decidedly different from her turns in “Enchanted” and as a nun in “Doubt.” With her encouragement and the help of a jail term for spaced out brother Dicky, Micky finally sees some success in the ring. When Dicky’s time is up and he and Carmela Soprano (that’s who Melissa Leo most resembles in her role as the mother-manager) want back into Micky’s life, the real battle begins. Wahlberg sacrifices his body and most of the good lines here, with Christian Bale as daffy Dicky nearly stealing the show. I never thought I’d see a boxing movie without enough ring time, but “The Fighter” almost makes the boxing look easier than life outside the ring. 4 cans.
137. Pirate Radio (HBO) – When the BBC bans rock music broadcasts in the 1960s, the alternative for a bunch of music-loving DJs is to spin The Who, the Hollies and Hendrix from a boat off-shore called Radio Rock. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is the only American amid the motley crew of British musical renegades, battling – literally – top stay afloat while mean government guy Kenneth Branaugh tries to silence them. Quirky and endearing, and with an ending that is nearly an homage to “Titanic,” this movie rocks. 3½ cans.