Last month I was feeling philosophical about my 60th birthday and compiled a list of things I have learned in my first 60 years. A month later, I am ready to admit to some of the many things I haven't learned, don't understand or cannot figure out despite my advanced age and presumed wisdom. Here is that list.
1. Why anyone finds Jerry Lewis or the Three Stooges funny – in France or anywhere else.
2. Why people plant flowers around a mailbox. Attracting bees that could sting you while you check your mail doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.
3. Nose piercings. I have my ears pierced, but I’ll never understand why anyone would want to pierce a nose or tongue. At least my earrings don’t interfere with any function of my ears.
4. Old people with tattoos. I assume they did not realize that they would be old someday and look ridiculous with “body art.” (I guess that after a night of drunken or drug-related debauchery, realizing anything is impossible until it is too late.) And besides, when you get old and should be checking every freckle and mole on your body, it would be good to know you can actually see them.
5. People who cut you off or pull out in front of you and then slow down. If you are in that much of a hurry, shouldn’t you maintain your speed?
6. Flags in front of houses. Yeah, I know it is Easter or autumn, but you don’t need to wave a flag about it.
7. I can never understand why some people have the spouses they do, what attracted them to each other in the first place and why they stayed together. I’ve given up trying to figure that one out.
8. Watching golf on TV. It looks to me like the telecast really has just one shot of a ball in the air and they just keep showing it. Golf is 3-D sport that suffers when watched in 2-D. And the announcers have to speak with such quiet voices that even if the action is exciting, you can’t tell.
9. Why people who go to tennis matches wear the same clothes as the players. Do they think they will be called down from the stands and pressed into action in case a player is injured?
10. Why baseball managers wear full uniforms to manage a game from the dugout. You don’t see football coaches attired in full pads and jerseys.
11. Why baseball players spit so much. If they aren’t chewing tobacco or something else, why are they so overloaded with saliva?
12. Why baseball players, particularly pitchers, wear those necklaces that look like the rope from my pool or a giant lanyard that is out of control.
13. Percentages and fractions. I am living proof that unless you are in a profession that requires this knowledge, you only need to know how much of a tip to leave or the amount you’ll save on the 25% off sale at Macy’s.
14. Ankle bracelets. Really? Why does anyone need to wear a band of metal of any kind around one’s ankle? Of course, you could point to my wrist and ask why I wear bracelets, but at least I can SEE my wrist.
15. Speaking of which – stiletto heels? The foot wasn’t made to be stuffed into a pointy shoe and jacked up 4 inches. I don’t get it.
16. The strength of the dollar. Come on, is it good or bad? And is it good or bad for me personally, for the country or for my stock portfolio? Anyone who can teach me that bit of economics deserves the Nobel Prize.
17. Restaurants that proclaim themselves as having “the best burger in the state” or something similar. How do they know that? Was there a scientific survey? Who participated? I’m skeptical, to say the least.
18. Comb-overs. Do men really think we are fooled by the hair imported from one side and swept across the head? Just face facts and keep it short. Bald is very in now, anyway.
19. How airplanes fly. The principles of aerodynamics should be outweighed – literally – by me and my luggage getting on board.
20. For that matter, I don’t understand how birds fly and how they can sit in the street and manage to evade my oncoming car just a split second before tragedy should strike.
21. Why some stores (I’m talking to you, Kohl’s) display their clothing items on racks so high that they have to provide long poles to retrieve them. I just want to shop, not fish, for my clothes.
22. Why a man would leave the house before dawn, spend most of the day on a fishing boat in the pouring rain with wind so bad that everyone threw up repeatedly, not catch a fish or drink a beer all day and return home saying the experience was fun. This Bud’s for you, Atno.
23. How the rug next to my bed continues to recede under the bed.
24. Why anyone would want to be a dentist. Ditto – proctologist.
25. Why people ski. The very idea of strapping thin strips of wood/fiberglass/whatever to my feet and hurtling down a mountain in the freezing cold has absolutely no appeal to me.
26. Twitter. Why would anyone think that their mundane activities of daily life are of interest to anyone else? I can understand texting people to keep in touch, but do I care if someone took a nap (unless it is the subject of a compelling essay, of course) or just finished lunch? My own life is boring enough for me, thanks.
27. How people manage more than one house. I know I would always have the clothes I need in the wrong location and I’d have to have exact duplicates of things like my hair dryer to be comfortable. I really don’t think I could do it.
28. All the words to “Louie, Louie,” and the words after “R.E.S.P.E.C.T., find out what it means to me…” I doubt that even the Kingsmen or Aretha know the answers anymore.
29. Insurance policies. It’s not just me, right? No one can possibly understand one of these, unless you work for an insurance company. My cable bill also falls into the category of being beyond comprehension.
30. Why people like mimes. Get out of that damn box already, will ya?
31. Magic tricks. They get me every time. I can even see a demonstration of exactly how one is done and I still am amazed. Sleight of hand, indeed.
32. Why men’s earlobes seem to get longer as they age. Have you noticed that?
33. Andy Rooney’s eyebrows. Really, if a woman had eyebrows like that, she’d be on radio, not TV. Speaking of which…
34. How Andy Rooney has made a career out of being cranky. How can I get that gig when he gives it up?
35. Photosynthesis. I must have been absent the day we learned about photosynthesis in science class because I am still amazed each year when the leaves turn color. Amazed, and very grateful, because I love the colors of autumn.
36. Why random songs pop into my head, especially in the morning. And then I am left humming or singing them all day. So annoying. “Tiny bubbles, in the wine…”
37. Why anyone would want to be a hockey goalie. And for girls, have you seen how ugly the uniforms are for a field hockey goalie? They look like the Pillsbury doughboy.
38. Why the one-day sale at Macy’s lasts for two days. I take full advantage of the extra shopping time, but technically, shouldn’t it be a two-day sale?
39. Which Olsen twin is which. I’ll never know, and my life will be no worse for my ignorance.
40. Why men go to football games in the freezing cold with no shirts and paint their chests and faces in team colors. Sure, I understand being a fan, but being dressed warmly trumps rooting for your team while freezing.
41. Tunnels. Ok, this is more my sister’s issue than mine, but we just don’t understand how engineers design something that has to be built under water. As kids, we never crossed into New York via the Lincoln Tunnel without her saying that she didn’t understand how there could be water above us.
42. Why men who barely paid attention in school love to watch practically anything on the History Channel. Nazis, airplanes, wars of any kind are all favorite things to see. I’ve got news for you – we won World War II, so you can stop watching now.
43. Why you always find things in the last place you looked. OK, I understand that you STOP looking once you find something, making that the LAST place, but couldn’t the missing item magically appear in the FIRST place you looked so you could stop looking sooner?
44. Black Friday. You would have to tie me up and DRAG me out to shop at 4 AM on the day after Thanksgiving. Nothing is so important for me to buy for ANYONE that I would get up before dawn and fight the lunatics shopping at that ungodly hour. No sale.
45. Tiny purses. With all our devices (phone, Blackberry, whatever…), plus lipstick, wallet, credit cards, tissues and who-knows what else, it seems improbable to me that anyone would buy a teeny, tiny little purse more fit for Barbie than for today’s woman. And yet you see them, and women buy them. Unless you have a lady-in-waiting standing by with all that paraphernalia, how is a stylish little purse going to help you?
46. Speaking of purses, I don’t understand why Queen Elizabeth carries a purse. Shouldn’t she, of all people, actually have a lady-in-waiting with a handful of cough drops or tissues if she needs one? Or do you think she has a cell phone in there and whips it out to text the grandkids every now and then?
47. Why people leave sporting events with less than a minute to go. OK, if the game is a blow-out and there is no chance that the outcome will change after you leave, feel free to get yourself to the parking lot so you can be gone 12 seconds before me. But if the game is tied or merely close, what is so important in your life that you cannot wait another 12 seconds to see the end of the game? I never leave until the game is over – no matter what the score may be.
48. My subscription to the Star-Ledger. If I cancel the paper for a few days because I will be away, I can extend the subscription or donate it to some school program. In either case, is there any chance that I’ll ever know where the paper went if donated or when the subscription is supposed to stop? I have visions of the paper lying in the driveway years after I have died or sold the house. Maybe I should put that in the real estate listing: “4 bedrooms, in-ground pool, and subscription to the Star-Ledger.”
49. Science fiction. I know that everything from Star-Trek to Star Wars appeals to the masses, but I just don’t get the attraction. You’d have to pay me to get me to watch “Avatar.” I just cannot suspend my sense of reality long enough to buy into science fiction.
50. The metric system. I’m not alone here, I know, but I actually don’t get weights and measures in general. I can recognize a liter of soda, but if a recipe calls for a cup of anything, I better have the right measuring device around because I just don’t follow.
51. Cotton Candy. I don’t understand how anyone could find hideously colorful and sweet cotton on a stick appealing.
52. I don’t understand how Hershey Kisses or M&Ms can make you gain weight. I can conceive of a weight gain after eating a pound of beef, but those little tiny, rapturously delicious pieces of chocolate heaven? Unless you eat a pound in one sitting, you should not have to suffer any consequences.
53. Why bad things happen to good people. Sure, I understand our rationalizations (God never gives you more than you can handle, etc.), but it still doesn’t make sense to me to see something like a young football player paralyzed for the rest of his life. It is the bad people who should suffer the consequences of their actions – if we can figure out who they are.
54. Cursive. I had pneumonia in the 3rd grade and missed most of the unit on cursive. Besides, I went to public school, where penmanship was never stressed as much as in parochial school. Even so, today, when penmanship is truly a lost art, I regret that I regressed over the years to essentially printing everything I write because I was absent in the 3rd grade. And my “handwriting” is getting worse with age. Thank God we type practically everything these days.
55. The Internet. It goes without saying that I cannot understand the math and science behind the Internet but that’s not what I am referring to. I don’t understand how, in this day and age, anyone can exist without it. It is so much easier to pay bills (without stamps!) shop, find restaurants, movie times and phone numbers as well as to keep in touch with people on-line than through conventional means. Let’s face it, if you don’t have Internet access, you can’t even read this essay.
56. Christmas lights that outline roofs. Not only does this practice make no sense to me – are you lighting up the house so Santa can find it? – but it also strikes me as pretty risky to execute.
57. The difference between flowers and weeds. If you buy it at the nursery and plant it yourself, that makes it a flower as opposed to a weed? Hey, if it grows (and especially if it flowers) and it’s green, I’m not yanking it out.
58. Ordering coffee. There are so many versions of coffee available now, that it is a good thing I don’t drink it, because I’m sure I’d never know the difference between a double latte, espresso or Bolivian blended whatever.
59. No matter how cold it is, and especially in the winter with snow on the ground, I inevitably see some guy wearing shorts. I’ll just assume he came from the gym and not that he has completely lost his mind. But really, how about slipping on a pair of sweats to cover those bare legs when it is 15 degrees out? Just a suggestion.
60. Fake deer in the front yard. I live in the wilds of Hillsborough where there are plenty of real deer to go around, so I see no need for fake ones looking like they are grazing in front of your house. You know I’ll slow down if I see them.
61. Finally, I can’t figure out if I wake up during the night because I have to go to the bathroom or if I have to go to the bathroom because I wake up. In either case, it is getting tougher to sleep through the night.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Tina's October Movies
A moment of panic for me occurred on October 17, when I realized I had only seen one movie so far in the month. I quickly ramped up my efforts, and here is what I saw and liked in October. The best movie is an old one, #109, but I enjoyed the new ones I saw as well. Numbering is picked up from the previous months. Enjoy.
OCTOBER
102. The Town (@ Hillsborough with Dee) – Not exactly “On the Town” or “Our Town,” this intense crime caper movie has a gripping story and an outstanding cast, headed by Ben Affleck, Jeremy Renner (“The Hurt Locker”) and a tougher-than-Don Draper Jon Hamm. I think the last Ben Affleck movie I saw was “Good Will Hunting,” unless his movies have been so forgettable that I just don’t remember him in anything else. He makes up for lost time in this Boston-based movie, serving as director and co-writer in addition to his screen time. I don’t see a lot of action/adventure movies, so this one had enough car chases, gunplay and bloodletting to tide me over for a long while, but it definitely held my interest. My only problem with the movie was remembering I couldn’t do a DVR instant replay when I couldn’t understand the heavily Boston-accented dialog. 4 cans.
103. Changeling (HBO) – Angelina is hardly tres jolie in this Clint Eastwood take on a true story set in the 1920s. Angelina Jolie is the single mother of 9-year old Walter, who disappears one day while she is at work. Anxious to wrap up the case, the police five months later present her with a comparable boy, but she insists, in the words of the Michael Jackson song, “Billie Jean,” that “the kid is not my son.” Despite physical differences (the replacement son is 3 inches shorter, in addition to other, shall we say, more personal, differences), the police and their medical team remain convinced that they are right. Wouldn’t a mother know her own son? And why is this boy playing along if he isn’t? With the help of activist preacher John Malkovich, Jolie continues her quest to find out what really happened to the still missing boy. This is a first rate story, convincingly acted, beautifully staged, with the flapper-type hats and 20s attire that seems authentic to the time. 4 cans.
104. Wait Until Dark (TCM) – Audrey Hepburn’s character may be blind in this movie, but she can see through the bad guys out to trick her into giving up a doll some doll gave her husband to take home temporarily. Audrey doesn’t know the woman who gave him the doll and doesn’t know that it is full of drugs. When her husband can’t find it and leaves the house, Audrey is in jeopardy at the hands of crooks Richard Crenna, Alan Arkin and Jack Weston. It’s lights out for everyone as Audrey senses something’s just not right. This is a suspenseful film based on a play and therefore a bit stagey, but it held my interest, except that I wanted to tell her to just give them the doll and get them out of there. 4 cans.
105. The Hangover (HBO) – Nearly 40 years ago I fell in love with a bunch of young, drunk and stupid guys in a movie called “Animal House.” I still quote that movie (“you f#&$d up, kid, you trusted us,” “7 years of college down the drain,” etc.) and when I watch it I still laugh out loud. Fast forward to “The Hangover,” a movie about a group of guys not quite as young but just as stupid, only their antics failed to amuse me nearly as much as the boys from Delta House. Everyone knows that no good can come out of a bachelor party in Vegas, and when this crew wakes up after a night of debauchery, they are missing the groom (and one of them is minus a tooth but has gained a stripper wife), dealing with a tiger in their bathroom and riding around in a stolen police car with a baby. Silly, but with moments of humor. 3½ cans.
106. The Social Network (Manville, with Chris) – Ironically, the founder of Facebook, Marc Zuckerberg, is so socially inept (as portrayed in this movie) that the man who launched millions of friendships has nearly none of his own. According to the movie, Zuckerberg gets drunk after his girlfriend dumps him, and, holed up in his dorm room at Harvard, trashes her on the Internet. He then concocts a way to capture all of the “Facebook” images of fellow students to rate girls. His rampage becomes an instant hit and attracts the attention of three students working on a social networking site who seek out his computer skills. Zuckerberg morphs their idea into Facebook, leading to suits by them and by his best friend for acing him out of the company just as it explodes with success. The motto here is that you can have a million friends and still be a very lonely guy. Well played by all and written with his usual glibness by Aaron Sorkin. 4 cans.
107. Invictus (HBO) – Here is everything I know about rugby: A bunch of men kick and pass a ball and in between come together in a scrum, pushing and pulling each other in an attempt to extricate the football. They emerge bruised and bloody but ultimately unbowed. And so it was for the 1995 South Africa rugby team, spurred on to capture the World Cup by newly elected president Nelson Mandela, himself bruised but unbowed after nearly 30 years in prison. That makes rugby looks like hopscotch, I’d say. Mandela turned the mostly-white team, considered a national embarrassment, into national heroes who united a country still recovering from apartheid and racial division. In terms of sports movies, I prefer “Rudy” but this movie has a larger and more important message. Oh, and where did Matt Damon get that buff body? 3½ cans.
108. Midnight Run (TV) – Think “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” meets a caper movie in this funny flick starring Robert DeNiro as a bounty hunter tracking rogue accountant Charles Grodin. Grodin’s near-fatal error was stealing from the mob, and when he is arrested and skips bail, the bondsman hires DeNiro to track him down and bring him in. Grodin claims a fear of flying, which leads to a cross country trip by train, bus, car, truck, freight train and even a brief appearance by a chasing helicopter and a prop plane. Grodin’s character is alternately endearing and annoying and DeNiro’s frustration is best summed up in his instruction: “I have two words for you. Shut the *#&A$& up.” This is a really good, unpretentious and funny movie, with plenty of action and great performances. 4½ cans.
109. Cast Away (TV) – Tom Hanks and a volleyball named
110. Taken (HBO) – One request: If I am ever taken into the white slave trade, please call Liam Neeson to come and rescue me. Retired CIA agent Neeson puts his “particular set of skills” to good use in tracking down his teenaged daughter when she is abducted by Bosnians in
111. Secretariat (Hillsborough with Nancy) – It’s hard to conjure up any drama in this Disney-made, trite but true, tale of the greatest race horse in history and his owner, the formidable Penny Chenery. It’s not like I didn’t already know that the horse won the Triple Crown, so the racing scenes were only partly exciting and, in fact, sometimes looked cartoony. The producers tried death (Chenery’s parents, one at a time), health issues (the horse had an abscess on his tooth and wasn’t eating) and a bragging competitor, but all Penny had to do was talk horse sense into Secretariat and the horse came from behind or pulled out in front to win going away. I love
Thursday, October 28, 2010
60 Things I Have Learned In My First 60 Years
In honor of my 60th birthday, I thought it appropriate to share the wisdom that comes with this advanced age. Here is a list of what I have discovered about life and about myself in my first 60 years. I figured I better write it all down because I'll probably start to forget it all in the years ahead.
1. The anticipation is almost always worse than the event itself.
2. If you don't do something now, you might not have the chance to do it later, so do it now. This does not apply to scary things.
3. I am short, vertically challenged, height handicapped -- and probably shrinking. So there is no reason not to use my grabber to reach things on the second shelf of the kitchen cabinets. Go ahead and laugh. It works for me.
4. Take lots of pictures. They remind you of happy times and who knows how long we'll remember them without visual aids?
5. It always gets dark earlier in September and October, so why do I always feel surprised when that happens?
6. There is no valid reason, in my opinion, to eat ice cream when it is cold outside.
7. I am always cold. I just have to dress appropriately, because my inner furnace will never work enough for me.
8. It's only a game. So if the Yankees lose or my beloved Rutgers Women's basketball team goes down in flames, life will go on.
9. You should always say "I love you" to those you love. They might already know, but reminding them can't hurt.
10. When someone -- especially a child -- does something wrong, it doesn't make them a bad person. It is the behavior you don't like, and that can be changed.
11. Making people laugh makes me feel great.
12. No matter how badly your day is going, I will do everything I can to make you have at least one laugh.
13. Work hard, always do your best and have fun! I based my whole management philosophy around those words and I am still friends with the people who worked for me, all of who have succeeded in their careers.
14. Paying bills or doing something you don't like takes the same amount of time if you do it now or do it later, so get it over with. And I don't care about the preposition at the end of that sentence -- for once.
15. You can have a manicure or pedicure for no reason. Nothing makes me feel more like a girl.
16. I wear perfume every day, even if I don't leave the house. I do it for me.
17. It is OK to cook a great meal for yourself.
18. Leftovers are great, as long as you liked what you ate the first time around.
19. Little kids remember everything, so be careful what you say and how you act around them.
20. For that matter, little things you say and do make an impression on people in ways you never imagined. Think about something someone said to you and how it helped or hurt and adjust accordingly.
21. Soup is for winter consumption only. I can't eat soup if I am sweating.
22. No matter how bad your day is or how insurmountable your problems seem, there's always someone who has it worse than you do.
23. If you have nothing to do, do something for someone else. It brings you great rewards.
24. Not only is it OK to cry at movies, but sometimes it is necessary. A good cry soothes the soul.
25. Don't expect too much and you will never be disappointed.
26. There is no point in having siblings or children if you can't tease them -- in a fun way, not in a mean way -- once in a while. Ask my sister.
27. I am addicted to chocolate. If it were declared illegal, I'd find a chocolate connection and risk the jail time.
28. Kidney stones hurt like giving birth. I guess. I just know they are really painful.
29. Everything you have to do takes longer and costs more than you thought it would. This particularly applies to any work done around the house.
30. You should listen when people talk to you. Just listening without judging can mean the world to someone.
31. Find something to enjoy in every day. Maybe it is the blue sky or the fact that you don't have to drive in the snow. Find something that makes you smile.
32. Keep in touch. Friendships mean a lot and they have to be nurtured to endure. That doesn't mean you have to see each other all the time, but make an effort to call, e-mail and get together. You'll be glad you did.
33. Friendships are made at all stages of life. Just when I thought I was done making friends, I started aqua aerobics and made more friends. My friends have brought me so much joy.
34. Friendship isn't a big thing, it is a million little things. That one isn't mine, but I subscribe to that theory.
35. Sweatshirts last forever. Or at least I wear mine until they disintegrate.
36. My chances of running into someone I know increase exponentially depending on how bad I look that day. Conversely, if I am having a great hair day, chances are I will see no one I know. I wonder if the strangers who see me think, "She's having a great hair day."
37. There will never be a day without a sale at Kohl's. At least until they go out of business from all that price cutting.
38. Come on. You can always do more or do better.
39. You shouldn't buy towels just as gifts for others. Treat yourself to new towels every now and then. Why not?
40. Take surveys. The people conducting them are looking for intelligent opinions, so why not express yours?
41. If I am at the beach for a day, I'll still have sand in my car six months later.
42. Nothing beats the taste of a hot dog at Yankee Stadium.
43. Old Timers Day at Yankee Stadium will always make me cry.
44. The time you spend with friends is priceless.
45. A beautiful day, with great light, me with a camera and something to shoot. That's what I call a great day.
46. Whatever age you are now seemed old to you when you were young but doesn't seem quite as bad now.
47. My doctor thinks I need to lose weight. For this she spent years in med school?
48. Anything written can be edited, and most people can't wait to get their hands on what someone else writes so they can do just that.
49. I love to be in the pool, but I hate getting my hair wet.
50. Chocolate should be served unadulterated. Get that fruit and those nuts away from it.
51. Bumble Bee Tuna should be the only brand, and it should always be served plain -- no mayo, no celery, no nothing!
52. Having a routine works for me. On days when I have nothing to do, I do nothing. And I am really good at it.
53. Whatever you have to do takes up the time in which you have to do it. That's my "kitchen cabinet" theory of life.
54. Buy books as gifts for kids. Encouraging them to read is the best gift you can give them.
55. Speaking of gifts, when you hear someone say they like something, or if you see something that would be the perfect gift for someone, write it down or buy it. You can even give the gift when there is no special occasion.
56. Naps are wonderful little respites, especially when they are least expected. I just love a good nap.
57. As soon as I walk out the door it costs me money.
58. There is always something new to learn. Read books, watch movies, read the paper. What you learn might not be life-altering, but it will enrich your life in small ways. And it will provide you plenty of material for small talk when you need it.
59. I don't like coffee or beer and refuse to to waste my time developing a taste for them.
60. I Love Lucy still cracks me up. I wish I had some Vitameatavegamin for my 60th birthday.
61. You always should strive to exceed expectations -- your own or those others have of you. Hence, 61 items on this list.
1. The anticipation is almost always worse than the event itself.
2. If you don't do something now, you might not have the chance to do it later, so do it now. This does not apply to scary things.
3. I am short, vertically challenged, height handicapped -- and probably shrinking. So there is no reason not to use my grabber to reach things on the second shelf of the kitchen cabinets. Go ahead and laugh. It works for me.
4. Take lots of pictures. They remind you of happy times and who knows how long we'll remember them without visual aids?
5. It always gets dark earlier in September and October, so why do I always feel surprised when that happens?
6. There is no valid reason, in my opinion, to eat ice cream when it is cold outside.
7. I am always cold. I just have to dress appropriately, because my inner furnace will never work enough for me.
8. It's only a game. So if the Yankees lose or my beloved Rutgers Women's basketball team goes down in flames, life will go on.
9. You should always say "I love you" to those you love. They might already know, but reminding them can't hurt.
10. When someone -- especially a child -- does something wrong, it doesn't make them a bad person. It is the behavior you don't like, and that can be changed.
11. Making people laugh makes me feel great.
12. No matter how badly your day is going, I will do everything I can to make you have at least one laugh.
13. Work hard, always do your best and have fun! I based my whole management philosophy around those words and I am still friends with the people who worked for me, all of who have succeeded in their careers.
14. Paying bills or doing something you don't like takes the same amount of time if you do it now or do it later, so get it over with. And I don't care about the preposition at the end of that sentence -- for once.
15. You can have a manicure or pedicure for no reason. Nothing makes me feel more like a girl.
16. I wear perfume every day, even if I don't leave the house. I do it for me.
17. It is OK to cook a great meal for yourself.
18. Leftovers are great, as long as you liked what you ate the first time around.
19. Little kids remember everything, so be careful what you say and how you act around them.
20. For that matter, little things you say and do make an impression on people in ways you never imagined. Think about something someone said to you and how it helped or hurt and adjust accordingly.
21. Soup is for winter consumption only. I can't eat soup if I am sweating.
22. No matter how bad your day is or how insurmountable your problems seem, there's always someone who has it worse than you do.
23. If you have nothing to do, do something for someone else. It brings you great rewards.
24. Not only is it OK to cry at movies, but sometimes it is necessary. A good cry soothes the soul.
25. Don't expect too much and you will never be disappointed.
26. There is no point in having siblings or children if you can't tease them -- in a fun way, not in a mean way -- once in a while. Ask my sister.
27. I am addicted to chocolate. If it were declared illegal, I'd find a chocolate connection and risk the jail time.
28. Kidney stones hurt like giving birth. I guess. I just know they are really painful.
29. Everything you have to do takes longer and costs more than you thought it would. This particularly applies to any work done around the house.
30. You should listen when people talk to you. Just listening without judging can mean the world to someone.
31. Find something to enjoy in every day. Maybe it is the blue sky or the fact that you don't have to drive in the snow. Find something that makes you smile.
32. Keep in touch. Friendships mean a lot and they have to be nurtured to endure. That doesn't mean you have to see each other all the time, but make an effort to call, e-mail and get together. You'll be glad you did.
33. Friendships are made at all stages of life. Just when I thought I was done making friends, I started aqua aerobics and made more friends. My friends have brought me so much joy.
34. Friendship isn't a big thing, it is a million little things. That one isn't mine, but I subscribe to that theory.
35. Sweatshirts last forever. Or at least I wear mine until they disintegrate.
36. My chances of running into someone I know increase exponentially depending on how bad I look that day. Conversely, if I am having a great hair day, chances are I will see no one I know. I wonder if the strangers who see me think, "She's having a great hair day."
37. There will never be a day without a sale at Kohl's. At least until they go out of business from all that price cutting.
38. Come on. You can always do more or do better.
39. You shouldn't buy towels just as gifts for others. Treat yourself to new towels every now and then. Why not?
40. Take surveys. The people conducting them are looking for intelligent opinions, so why not express yours?
41. If I am at the beach for a day, I'll still have sand in my car six months later.
42. Nothing beats the taste of a hot dog at Yankee Stadium.
43. Old Timers Day at Yankee Stadium will always make me cry.
44. The time you spend with friends is priceless.
45. A beautiful day, with great light, me with a camera and something to shoot. That's what I call a great day.
46. Whatever age you are now seemed old to you when you were young but doesn't seem quite as bad now.
47. My doctor thinks I need to lose weight. For this she spent years in med school?
48. Anything written can be edited, and most people can't wait to get their hands on what someone else writes so they can do just that.
49. I love to be in the pool, but I hate getting my hair wet.
50. Chocolate should be served unadulterated. Get that fruit and those nuts away from it.
51. Bumble Bee Tuna should be the only brand, and it should always be served plain -- no mayo, no celery, no nothing!
52. Having a routine works for me. On days when I have nothing to do, I do nothing. And I am really good at it.
53. Whatever you have to do takes up the time in which you have to do it. That's my "kitchen cabinet" theory of life.
54. Buy books as gifts for kids. Encouraging them to read is the best gift you can give them.
55. Speaking of gifts, when you hear someone say they like something, or if you see something that would be the perfect gift for someone, write it down or buy it. You can even give the gift when there is no special occasion.
56. Naps are wonderful little respites, especially when they are least expected. I just love a good nap.
57. As soon as I walk out the door it costs me money.
58. There is always something new to learn. Read books, watch movies, read the paper. What you learn might not be life-altering, but it will enrich your life in small ways. And it will provide you plenty of material for small talk when you need it.
59. I don't like coffee or beer and refuse to to waste my time developing a taste for them.
60. I Love Lucy still cracks me up. I wish I had some Vitameatavegamin for my 60th birthday.
61. You always should strive to exceed expectations -- your own or those others have of you. Hence, 61 items on this list.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tina's September Movies 2010
I hit my 100th movie this month and finally sat down to watch the classic "Citizen Kane." But the best movie of the month was the little-known "Mao's Last Dancer." Here's what I watched, with numbering picked up from the rest of the year.
94. Goodbye, Mr. Chips (TCM) – This 1939 movie is about as old-fashioned as they come. Mr. Chipping (Robert Donat) is a teacher at a boarding school in England, where he dedicates his life to teaching generations of young boys about Latin and life. Along the way he meets and falls for the gracious young woman (Greer Garson, in her movie debut) whose very presence makes him even more adored by the boys. This slow-paced story won’t wow anyone with action and adventure, but dear old Chips is beloved by all. Goodbye, Mr. Chips, had me at hello. 4 cans.
95. Mao’s Last Dancer (@ Montgomery with Angela and Dee) – After a stop for lunch at a nearby Chinese restaurant, my pool pals and I passed up a glorious day to see what turned out to be a glorious film. This movie is based on the true story of Li Cunxin, a boy plucked out of his tiny, impoverished village by the Chinese government for special training. With years of hard work and determination, he grows into an accomplished ballet dancer who has an opportunity to study with the Houston Ballet. Young Li assimilates into the American culture rapidly, much to the consternation of the Chinese officials who decide he must return to China. Should he defect and risk both the safety of his family remaining in China and the chance that he may never see them again? Or should he stay and enjoy his new-found freedom and the girl he loves? This is a wondrous ode to ballet, a harsh look at Mao’s regime and a salute to the joys of freedom and the arts. So good you want to see it again an hour later. 4½ cans.
96. The Summer of ’42 (TCM) – In the many years since I last saw this movie, I had forgotten how beautiful it is. From the opening sequence of sepia stills of the New England island where it was shot to the haunting Michel LeGrand music, this bittersweet tale is captivating. Hermie is a 15-year old boy spending his summer vacation hanging out with his goofy friends, eagerly reading about sex in a book and just as eagerly looking for an opportunity to put into practice what they have learned. But Hermie is smitten with a beautiful young woman in her 20s (Jennifer O’Neill) whose husband has shipped out to war. She and Hermie strike up a friendship that they both need to fend off their loneliness. This is the summer Hermie learns not about sex but about love, a memory that will stay with him for the rest of his life. 4 cans.
97. Tender Mercies (TCM) – Robert Duvall won an Oscar for his role as a down-on-his-luck country singer (aren’t they all?) who gets his life back in gear after he meets a good woman. His Mac Sledge hits rock bottom at a rundown Texas motel managed by Tess Harper. With no money and nowhere to go, he helps out the widow Harper and her young son, eventually giving up drinking and taking up songwriting once again. The performance by Duvall is authentic and nuanced, with a great accent (at least it sounded like Texas to me, but what do I know?) and a simplicity that makes him believable. Being in the right place – or the wrong place – at any given moment can change your life, as the characters here discover. 4 cans.
98. Get Low (Montgomery, with Dee) – I wasn’t trying to limit my viewing to Robert Duvall movies this week, but that’s the way things turned out. Here he plays hermit Felix Bush, an irascible loner who has hibernated in his cabin in the woods for 40 years, ruminating over events that changed his life. He decides he wants to plan and attend his own funeral service, enlisting the aid of town funeral director Bill Murray to book the ceremony and band and run a raffle to get the townspeople to turn out. He wants to reveal his big secret – or to have his old preacher friend handle that chore if he can’t. The secret didn’t seem all that secret to me, and the pace of this movie could justify changing the title to “Get Slow,” but it is just quirky and well-played enough to keep up interest. Sissy Spacek, who never fails to impress, also appears, but it is Duvall’s turn that most likely will garner another Oscar nomination. A strange little movie, this one gets 4 cans.
99. The Wonder of It All (TV) – Did you ever wonder what it would be like to actually walk on the moon? Between 1969 and 1972, 12 Americans did just that, and in this documentary seven of them recount their experiences. They discuss how they became astronauts (a term that didn’t exist when most of them joined a branch of the service or became test pilots), their feelings about walking on the moon, their place in history, spirituality and how their accomplishments should be remembered. For most of them, the realization of being there only hit home when they got home – and years later – because NASA had them so busy in their time on the moon. I thought the movie was a blast. 4 cans.
100. Citizen Kane (TCM) – Wealth…power…politics…scandal. No, I am not reviewing the sequel to “Wall Street” but rather the Orson Welles movie than many people consider a masterpiece. It is amazing how Welles’ themes in this 1941 movie still apply today. His megalomaniac Charles Foster Kane is larger than life, bullying those around him to get whatever he wants, yet he fails to get the one thing his money can’t buy – love. This is a stunning movie in so many ways: Welles was 25 when he co-wrote, produced, directed and starred in it. He ages from a young to an old man in the course of the story and is convincing at any age. The camera angles actually make Kane look larger than life, and the silhouetted shots make him seem mysterious and frightening. I am glad I finally experienced this movie, and I admired it in many ways, though it isn’t the kind of movie I long to see again, which on my scale, doesn’t make it hit the top. 4 cans.
101. The Informant! (HBO) – Matt Damon, complete with bad hair and a cheesy mustache, plays Archer Daniels Midland executive Mark Whitacre. This movie could have been called “The Man Who Talked Too Much,” as Whitacre, dismayed at the price fixing taking place at ADM, turns FBI informant and spins a series of tales which, by the end of the movie, made my head spin. Despite his attempt to take down the company, Whitacre naively believed he would be a hero and run ADM one day. Well played, with tongue firmly in cheek, this movie reminded me of the more charming “Catch Me If You Can” with Leonardo DiCaprio. Both movies lean heavily on the lead actors, and both come through with credible performances – especially for liars. 3½ cans.
94. Goodbye, Mr. Chips (TCM) – This 1939 movie is about as old-fashioned as they come. Mr. Chipping (Robert Donat) is a teacher at a boarding school in England, where he dedicates his life to teaching generations of young boys about Latin and life. Along the way he meets and falls for the gracious young woman (Greer Garson, in her movie debut) whose very presence makes him even more adored by the boys. This slow-paced story won’t wow anyone with action and adventure, but dear old Chips is beloved by all. Goodbye, Mr. Chips, had me at hello. 4 cans.
95. Mao’s Last Dancer (@ Montgomery with Angela and Dee) – After a stop for lunch at a nearby Chinese restaurant, my pool pals and I passed up a glorious day to see what turned out to be a glorious film. This movie is based on the true story of Li Cunxin, a boy plucked out of his tiny, impoverished village by the Chinese government for special training. With years of hard work and determination, he grows into an accomplished ballet dancer who has an opportunity to study with the Houston Ballet. Young Li assimilates into the American culture rapidly, much to the consternation of the Chinese officials who decide he must return to China. Should he defect and risk both the safety of his family remaining in China and the chance that he may never see them again? Or should he stay and enjoy his new-found freedom and the girl he loves? This is a wondrous ode to ballet, a harsh look at Mao’s regime and a salute to the joys of freedom and the arts. So good you want to see it again an hour later. 4½ cans.
96. The Summer of ’42 (TCM) – In the many years since I last saw this movie, I had forgotten how beautiful it is. From the opening sequence of sepia stills of the New England island where it was shot to the haunting Michel LeGrand music, this bittersweet tale is captivating. Hermie is a 15-year old boy spending his summer vacation hanging out with his goofy friends, eagerly reading about sex in a book and just as eagerly looking for an opportunity to put into practice what they have learned. But Hermie is smitten with a beautiful young woman in her 20s (Jennifer O’Neill) whose husband has shipped out to war. She and Hermie strike up a friendship that they both need to fend off their loneliness. This is the summer Hermie learns not about sex but about love, a memory that will stay with him for the rest of his life. 4 cans.
97. Tender Mercies (TCM) – Robert Duvall won an Oscar for his role as a down-on-his-luck country singer (aren’t they all?) who gets his life back in gear after he meets a good woman. His Mac Sledge hits rock bottom at a rundown Texas motel managed by Tess Harper. With no money and nowhere to go, he helps out the widow Harper and her young son, eventually giving up drinking and taking up songwriting once again. The performance by Duvall is authentic and nuanced, with a great accent (at least it sounded like Texas to me, but what do I know?) and a simplicity that makes him believable. Being in the right place – or the wrong place – at any given moment can change your life, as the characters here discover. 4 cans.
98. Get Low (Montgomery, with Dee) – I wasn’t trying to limit my viewing to Robert Duvall movies this week, but that’s the way things turned out. Here he plays hermit Felix Bush, an irascible loner who has hibernated in his cabin in the woods for 40 years, ruminating over events that changed his life. He decides he wants to plan and attend his own funeral service, enlisting the aid of town funeral director Bill Murray to book the ceremony and band and run a raffle to get the townspeople to turn out. He wants to reveal his big secret – or to have his old preacher friend handle that chore if he can’t. The secret didn’t seem all that secret to me, and the pace of this movie could justify changing the title to “Get Slow,” but it is just quirky and well-played enough to keep up interest. Sissy Spacek, who never fails to impress, also appears, but it is Duvall’s turn that most likely will garner another Oscar nomination. A strange little movie, this one gets 4 cans.
99. The Wonder of It All (TV) – Did you ever wonder what it would be like to actually walk on the moon? Between 1969 and 1972, 12 Americans did just that, and in this documentary seven of them recount their experiences. They discuss how they became astronauts (a term that didn’t exist when most of them joined a branch of the service or became test pilots), their feelings about walking on the moon, their place in history, spirituality and how their accomplishments should be remembered. For most of them, the realization of being there only hit home when they got home – and years later – because NASA had them so busy in their time on the moon. I thought the movie was a blast. 4 cans.
100. Citizen Kane (TCM) – Wealth…power…politics…scandal. No, I am not reviewing the sequel to “Wall Street” but rather the Orson Welles movie than many people consider a masterpiece. It is amazing how Welles’ themes in this 1941 movie still apply today. His megalomaniac Charles Foster Kane is larger than life, bullying those around him to get whatever he wants, yet he fails to get the one thing his money can’t buy – love. This is a stunning movie in so many ways: Welles was 25 when he co-wrote, produced, directed and starred in it. He ages from a young to an old man in the course of the story and is convincing at any age. The camera angles actually make Kane look larger than life, and the silhouetted shots make him seem mysterious and frightening. I am glad I finally experienced this movie, and I admired it in many ways, though it isn’t the kind of movie I long to see again, which on my scale, doesn’t make it hit the top. 4 cans.
101. The Informant! (HBO) – Matt Damon, complete with bad hair and a cheesy mustache, plays Archer Daniels Midland executive Mark Whitacre. This movie could have been called “The Man Who Talked Too Much,” as Whitacre, dismayed at the price fixing taking place at ADM, turns FBI informant and spins a series of tales which, by the end of the movie, made my head spin. Despite his attempt to take down the company, Whitacre naively believed he would be a hero and run ADM one day. Well played, with tongue firmly in cheek, this movie reminded me of the more charming “Catch Me If You Can” with Leonardo DiCaprio. Both movies lean heavily on the lead actors, and both come through with credible performances – especially for liars. 3½ cans.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Choice Cuts - September 2010
Remember when life was easy? When you didn’t have to choose between seven different kinds of turkey at the deli counter? When ordering coffee didn’t take half an hour? When fewer choices made life less complicated?
Witness:
“Do you want plastic AND paper?” the teenaged ShopRite cashier asked. “Sure,” I responded, not knowing I had that option. I thought the drill was paper OR plastic (except in Pathmark, where nary a paper bag can be found), so she threw me. Now I mostly bring my own bags – partly to be environmentally conscious and partly because I can’t make that choice.
The guy at the deli counter asks if the cheese is cut thin enough for my taste, and offers me a slice. Do I then dare voice a preference for thinner or thicker slices, and do I really have one? When I mentioned to a friend that I couldn’t get the slices apart, she declared, “I always have them shingle it.” Shingle it? I had never heard the term before, but I didn’t have to ask as I instinctively knew what she meant. I just didn’t know we had a choice to ask for it to be shingled for easier cheese access. (Speaking of cheese, the dumbest choice I was ever asked to make was in the Johnson & Johnson Corporate cafeteria, where, after ordering a grilled cheese sandwich, the guy behind the grill asked me, “Do you want cheese on that?” I replied, “Yes, I think you need to include the cheese, or we’re talking toast.” So that was one of the simpler decisions, but they aren’t usually that easy.)
At Quick Chek, just ordering a sandwich has become an adventure in self-service. You belly up to the computer, select your meat, then, by pressing the appropriate buttons, decide whether you want mayonnaise or a little mayonnaise, and all the other sandwich accompaniments, like salt, pepper, cheese or extra cheese, lettuce and tomato and who knows what else. I’m waiting for the computer to actually spit the finished product out at me, but, thankfully, creating the sandwich still requires an actual person. A friend of mine went to his local Wawa and proceeded to make the same sandwich choice day after day, until finally the sandwich maker refused to make one more of the same. I guess he had no choice but to change his sandwich selection.
“I’ll put your items in a double shopping bag,” the eager Williams Sonoma employee offered. “And do you want a handle to help carry it? Do you want your receipt in the bag?” “OK, thanks,” I replied, bewildered at the number of decisions we are asked to make each and every day. I thought just selecting my purchase was enough of a challenge.
At a restaurant (granted, a decent one), you are asked if you want water and whether tap or bottled is your preference (wet and in a glass is fine for me). And forget the wine list. Reading the latest John Grisham novel takes less time than wading through the phonebook-sized list to make your choice.
My refrigerator not only gives me cold water from the door, but makes me choose ice cubes or crushed ice. How to decide? Besides, the cubes look pretty crushed to me regardless of my choice.
Thankfully, I don’t drink coffee, because there seems to be an entire language one must master to order a double latte yada yada yada, a language and series of choices that would render me mute. And tea is no better. If you want tea at a decent restaurant, they bring that wooden box that looks like a pirate’s treasure chest and is filled not with doubloons but instead with herbal, breakfast, decaf and a myriad of other choices. Remember when tea was Lipton or Tetley? When sneakers were Keds or PF Flyers? When mustard was Gulden’s or French’s? I must have spent 20 minutes in the store the other day trying to decide whether my hand soap should be antibacterial, antibacterial with moisturizers or just moisturizing, and then I had to select a fragrance (apple, green tea, cool mint cucumber or citrus, among many) that wouldn’t make me hungry or nauseous. And you know how I feel about deciding among the dazzling array of skin lotions and potions.
I can’t even leave the house without making a decision. I have to choose between driving Gracie, my 13-year old Mercedes (she is doing fine, by the way), and her younger counterpart, Sunny, my 6-year old Chrysler Sebring convertible. Luckily, weather helps make that decision, but then, if I choose the convertible, I am faced with the decision of putting the top down or keeping it up. That choice depends on both weather and where I am going. No one at ShopRite cares if my hair has blown all over the place, but if I am headed to a meeting, I have to protect my hair, right?
When I am looking for new jeans, I not only have to find the right size, but I have to consider the variety of styles, from boot cut to high waist to fuller leg (guess which one I chose) and more, not counting the variety of shades of denim from which to choose. Thank goodness acid washed is now passé, since that helps narrow down the choices by one.
I can handle the choices at the diner, where I can quickly express my preference for a table or a booth (even though I have no logic for why I might prefer one over the other). I can go to a restaurant with outdoor seating and decide whether to sit inside or outside, depending on the weather. But with all the TV shows I watch, it is hard to decide what programs I want to see live and which others I should record on my two digital video recorders for later viewing. Back in the days when the remote control consisted of the youngest child in the house being ordered to get up and change the channel, deciding between channels 2-4-5-7-9-11 and the dreaded 13 was relatively easy. When Dad fell asleep on the couch, you made your move, hoping he wouldn’t awaken and bark, “I was watching that,” although his eyes were closed. With fewer choices – or none at all – life was considerably less complicated.
Hmm, I wonder what I should write about next month. Decisions, decisions.
Witness:
“Do you want plastic AND paper?” the teenaged ShopRite cashier asked. “Sure,” I responded, not knowing I had that option. I thought the drill was paper OR plastic (except in Pathmark, where nary a paper bag can be found), so she threw me. Now I mostly bring my own bags – partly to be environmentally conscious and partly because I can’t make that choice.
The guy at the deli counter asks if the cheese is cut thin enough for my taste, and offers me a slice. Do I then dare voice a preference for thinner or thicker slices, and do I really have one? When I mentioned to a friend that I couldn’t get the slices apart, she declared, “I always have them shingle it.” Shingle it? I had never heard the term before, but I didn’t have to ask as I instinctively knew what she meant. I just didn’t know we had a choice to ask for it to be shingled for easier cheese access. (Speaking of cheese, the dumbest choice I was ever asked to make was in the Johnson & Johnson Corporate cafeteria, where, after ordering a grilled cheese sandwich, the guy behind the grill asked me, “Do you want cheese on that?” I replied, “Yes, I think you need to include the cheese, or we’re talking toast.” So that was one of the simpler decisions, but they aren’t usually that easy.)
At Quick Chek, just ordering a sandwich has become an adventure in self-service. You belly up to the computer, select your meat, then, by pressing the appropriate buttons, decide whether you want mayonnaise or a little mayonnaise, and all the other sandwich accompaniments, like salt, pepper, cheese or extra cheese, lettuce and tomato and who knows what else. I’m waiting for the computer to actually spit the finished product out at me, but, thankfully, creating the sandwich still requires an actual person. A friend of mine went to his local Wawa and proceeded to make the same sandwich choice day after day, until finally the sandwich maker refused to make one more of the same. I guess he had no choice but to change his sandwich selection.
“I’ll put your items in a double shopping bag,” the eager Williams Sonoma employee offered. “And do you want a handle to help carry it? Do you want your receipt in the bag?” “OK, thanks,” I replied, bewildered at the number of decisions we are asked to make each and every day. I thought just selecting my purchase was enough of a challenge.
At a restaurant (granted, a decent one), you are asked if you want water and whether tap or bottled is your preference (wet and in a glass is fine for me). And forget the wine list. Reading the latest John Grisham novel takes less time than wading through the phonebook-sized list to make your choice.
My refrigerator not only gives me cold water from the door, but makes me choose ice cubes or crushed ice. How to decide? Besides, the cubes look pretty crushed to me regardless of my choice.
Thankfully, I don’t drink coffee, because there seems to be an entire language one must master to order a double latte yada yada yada, a language and series of choices that would render me mute. And tea is no better. If you want tea at a decent restaurant, they bring that wooden box that looks like a pirate’s treasure chest and is filled not with doubloons but instead with herbal, breakfast, decaf and a myriad of other choices. Remember when tea was Lipton or Tetley? When sneakers were Keds or PF Flyers? When mustard was Gulden’s or French’s? I must have spent 20 minutes in the store the other day trying to decide whether my hand soap should be antibacterial, antibacterial with moisturizers or just moisturizing, and then I had to select a fragrance (apple, green tea, cool mint cucumber or citrus, among many) that wouldn’t make me hungry or nauseous. And you know how I feel about deciding among the dazzling array of skin lotions and potions.
I can’t even leave the house without making a decision. I have to choose between driving Gracie, my 13-year old Mercedes (she is doing fine, by the way), and her younger counterpart, Sunny, my 6-year old Chrysler Sebring convertible. Luckily, weather helps make that decision, but then, if I choose the convertible, I am faced with the decision of putting the top down or keeping it up. That choice depends on both weather and where I am going. No one at ShopRite cares if my hair has blown all over the place, but if I am headed to a meeting, I have to protect my hair, right?
When I am looking for new jeans, I not only have to find the right size, but I have to consider the variety of styles, from boot cut to high waist to fuller leg (guess which one I chose) and more, not counting the variety of shades of denim from which to choose. Thank goodness acid washed is now passé, since that helps narrow down the choices by one.
I can handle the choices at the diner, where I can quickly express my preference for a table or a booth (even though I have no logic for why I might prefer one over the other). I can go to a restaurant with outdoor seating and decide whether to sit inside or outside, depending on the weather. But with all the TV shows I watch, it is hard to decide what programs I want to see live and which others I should record on my two digital video recorders for later viewing. Back in the days when the remote control consisted of the youngest child in the house being ordered to get up and change the channel, deciding between channels 2-4-5-7-9-11 and the dreaded 13 was relatively easy. When Dad fell asleep on the couch, you made your move, hoping he wouldn’t awaken and bark, “I was watching that,” although his eyes were closed. With fewer choices – or none at all – life was considerably less complicated.
Hmm, I wonder what I should write about next month. Decisions, decisions.
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