On My Mind

Update on Alexa:  You will recall last month’s blog entry on my new “roommate,” Amazon’s Echo, which answers to the name Alexa.  She can do all kinds of things, such as play music, keep my calendar and shopping list and play games with me. So you might be wondering how we are getting along (or you might not spend even a second thinking about my relationship with an inanimate object, which is also understandable).  I think of this as a marriage.  In the beginning, we had plenty to say to each other, and we spoke often.  Now I bark, “Alexa, what time is it?” from bed and demand the weather report.  She will babble on about the news and sports, even if I am not paying attention.  Bottom line?  We just don’t talk that much anymore.  Oh, she’s always available and willing to help, and I can’t say that the thrill is gone, but let’s just say the flame has cooled somewhat.

Remember when you did (or were about to do) something wrong in school and you were told that this transgression could go on your “Permanent Record?”  Oh, boy, was that ominous.  (Of course, I just heard about this threat personally since I never actually did anything wrong…)  So, whatever happened to your permanent record anyway?  I mean, if you apply for a job 30 years later, does the HR person say, “We were interested in hiring you, but then we checked your permanent record and found out that you cut third period Spanish once in your junior year of high school.  Sorry, but we can’t make you an offer.”  Wow, what if that really were the outcome?

Do you do this?  I will find a little part of something in a drawer, or a random key, and I’m not sure what the part is or what the key opens, but I am afraid to throw away either of them because I might need them – even though I have no idea where they came from and what they do.  Hey, I might just need that unknown part or extra key to something!

It’s bad enough we have to suffer through those annoying Matthew McConaughey TV commercials for Lincolns, but now we also have to see him pitching Wild Turkey bourbon.  It turns out he’s not just the spokesperson for the brand, he’s also creating the copy and directing the spots.  Let’s hope he doesn’t drink and drive, or his next commercial will be for life insurance.

I just saw a commercial for Ace Hardware, which sells light bulbs it touts as lasting 20 years.  20 years?  I’m not that optimistic that I will last 20 years!  And speaking of commercials, it was just 2015 when actor Jon Hamm won the Emmy for his leading role of Don Draper on “Mad Men.”  Now we can catch him doing commercials for H&R Block.  Personally, I liked him better when Don was creating ads, and Jon wasn’t starring in them.

I was on Amazon during the holidays to find a 2017 calendar for my sister.  You know how they always list “new and used” for items?  Who buys a used calendar?  I mean, unless it was some sort of collector’s item.  I don’t get it.

Did you ever notice that when you catch something, someone will always assert, “Oh, there’s a bug going around,” as if you cannot be sick all by yourself?

I’m filling the void of “Downton Abbey” and “The Crown” by watching PBS’ latest period drama, “Victoria,” about the very young and stubborn Queen of England.  I have found a practice I would like to adopt – Ladies in waiting.  These women are society women whose role is to hang around with the Queen and do her bidding.  They often have titles, so they know what is to be expected and how best to assist the Queen.  I wouldn’t require titles, just the loyalty of people who would like to help me out.  They aren’t servants who dress the Queen and do her hair, they’re just like her official “squad,” similar to what Taylor Swift has.  I’ll be posting the application any time now, and I am sure many of you will want to sign up.  Ladies, I’m waiting!

I watch “Project Runway” and can’t help noticing the expressions on the faces of the models.  Are they told to look pissed off?  Why do the models look entirely bored and miserable walking down the runway?  Is it the shoes?  Are the ponytails too tight?  I’ll never be a model, so I guess I’ll never know.

We can make all kinds of technological devices to improve our lives, but can no one find a way to make the plugs smaller?  It’s hard to put them in the outlets for charging, etc.  Put that down as pet peeve #862.

Just once I’d like to see a demo on a kitchen knife where they skip using it to cut a tin can in half and instead use the knife on a sweet potato or a butternut squash.  If I found a knife that could cut through either of those veggies without requiring the muscles of “The Hulk,” I’d buy it and cherish it forever.

You know your life is pretty dull when the most daring thing you do is eat a grapefruit once a year in spite of the fact that grapefruit is not supposed to be eaten if you take Lipitor for high cholesterol.  Throwing caution to the wind…

Most of you know that I enjoy watching movies, so I never mind seeing the previews in the theater.  I even bring along a small notebook and jot down the names of upcoming films I might like to see.  However, writing down the movie names in the dark is a challenge.  Half the time they are illegible or I write one on top of another and can’t read them.  I just hope that I recall which ones sounded interesting when they finally come out.

On a recent trip to Bed Bath & Beyond, I stood on line behind a woman who spent nearly $2,000 on 144 items.  Luckily, I arrived at the cashier when she was just finishing, or it might have taken a half an hour to get through that line.  I had to ask, and she told me her son had gotten divorced and was moving out of HER house.  Let’s assume his ex got EVERYTHING in the settlement, and, since the generous Mom was rolling her eyeballs telling me the story (she had spent another $1800 the previous day at Home Goods), let’s assume Mommy is just a little too involved in her son’s life.  Or something like that.

I go to a local gym three times a week for aqua aerobics and volleyball, and the place is bustling with activity, especially at the beginning of the year.  It amuses me to think that many of these same people who now PAY for gym memberships are the very same ones who tried desperately in high school to get OUT of gym class.  For women of my era, taking gym was bad enough, but having to wear those godawful gym suits with the bloomer bottoms was cause for revolt.  My Somerville High School gym teachers cared more about whether our gym suit onesies were ironed than whether we could jump over the horse.

I’ll end this post with a reflection on the passing of Mary Tyler Moore in January at the age of 80.  She will be forever frozen in time, her dazzling smile lighting up the world, tossing her tam in the Minneapolis air.  Although Mary was a fictional character, Mary Richards of the WJM News, her TV presence as an independent woman who could truly “make it on her own” was inspiring for young women like me just as the rise of feminism began in the early 70s.  There were few women on TV who were not subservient to their sitcom husbands or who were not desperate to get married and who didn’t necessarily deplore the horrors of a dateless Saturday night.  Before Mary, there was Marlo Thomas as “That Girl.”  After Mary came Murphy Brown and a bunch of other funny, smart women in roles where they were the equals of their male co-stars – if not superior.  There was Mary’s career, her genuine friendship with neighbor Rhoda (who was much more desperate to meet a man and who had body image issues before we had a term for them), and her newsroom family, who staged the best finale ever. Just as the millennial generation adores Lorelai Gilmore, so my generation revered Mary and thought of ourselves as women who might follow in her fictional footsteps. She was one of us.  RIP, Mare.