Tina's August 2013 Movies

I managed to squeeze in 14 movies in August, with many interesting documentaries along with previously-unseen films.  Those are marked with an *, and numbering picks up from the previous month.  They are rated on a scale of 1-5 cans of tuna, 5 being the highest accolade.

91.  Annie Hall (1977) – This, to me, is Woody Allen’s classic movie, his “Shindler’s List,” his “Citizen Kane.”  Every line rings true, every casting decision is perfect, every neurotic moment and painful romantic encounter is beautifully realized.  This movie brought us “la de da,” from uniquely dressed Diane Keaton, it brought us bugs the size of a Buick, and reminded us that we’d never want to be part of a club that would have us as members.  Not a single unfunny moment.  5 cans.

92.  Been Rich All My Life* (2006) – Last month I saw “First Position,” about young ballet dancers and their passion for their craft.  This documentary looks at the Silver Belles, a remarkable group of women in their 80s and 90s who started dancing as chorus girls at the Cotton Club and the Apollo Theater as far back as the 1920s.  They have survived cancer and broken bones, World War II and the closing of the legendary clubs where they once performed, but their gifts as dancers and their love of the dance keeps them on stage and dreaming up new routines at an age when most of us would barely be able to walk, no less put on a show.  These women can still move, and, more importantly, they teach the next generation of tap dancers how it should be done.  There’s a spirit here to enjoy all of the little things in life, and to keep on dancin’.  4 cans.

93.  Love, Marilyn* (2012) – Contemporary stars comment on the life, loves and death of legendary movie star Marilyn Monroe.  The documentary traces her rise and fall, her marriages and divorces, her insecurities and attempts to move from movie star to genuine actress in a poignant look at her troubled life and early demise, incorporating her own prolific journal entries.  A loving tribute, worth 3 cans.

94.  Our Nixon* (2013) – We all have old pictures and home movies stowed away somewhere, but ours are probably not as historically significant as those shot by three close aides to former President Richard Nixon.  H. R. Haldeman, John Erlichman and Dwight Chapin were among the President’s men, and their personal memories – as seen through footage they shot and interviews they granted much later – are the basis of this CNN documentary.  The footage and the interviews reveal key aspects of Nixon’s terms in office as well as the Watergate affair and offer a compelling look at the deterioration of the presidency.  By the end of the movie, I actually felt sorry for these men, whose job was to protect and defend the President.  We hear Nixon on the day the taping system is installed in the Oval Office and learn how it works (unfortunately for Erlichman, he had no inkling of its existence).  We overhear the hiring of dirty trickster Donald Segreti, a college buddy of Chapin – who was the first of Nixon’s aides forced to resign.  We hear Nixon asking Haldeman – even after accepting the latter’s resignation – to let him know the press reaction to the resignation, before realizing he can no longer ask for his help.  The film documents the insecurities of Nixon but also reflects the loyalty of his aides, which ultimately led to their – and his – downfall.  I felt like a witness to history watching the events unfold, even though I knew the story’s unhappy ending.  This is the real “All the President’s Men,” and it is fascinating.  4 cans.

95.  Ted* (2012) – Mark Wahlberg stars as John in this amusing story of a man with a girlfriend and a foul-mouthed companion who ruins their relationship.  The acerbic sidekick is Ted, a teddy bear who came to life when John was 8 and has been his best bud ever since.  Ted is a wing man who attracts chicks and distracts John, urging him to leave work for a few beers and getting him into trouble.  Seth Macfarlane, the genius behind so many animated programs, is the writer and director here, and I’d love to know how they filmed the sequences with Ted moving (especially with Ted fighting with John).  I used to love the TV show ALF, with a similar – if less crude – character, but Ted takes his fuzzy character to the next level.  Mina Kulis plays the exasperated but loving girlfriend, helping John rescue Ted from kidnappers.  This raunchy, funny comedy was more than “bearable.”  3½ cans.

96.  Blue Jasmine* (2013) – Jasmine (Cate Blanchett) has plenty to be blue about in this most un-Woody Allen movie I’ve seen.  She is recovering from a terrible fall – from grace – and forced to live with a sister (Sally Hawkins) she considers far below her social status after her wealthy beyond description husband (Alec Baldwin) gets busted for Bernie Madoff-like offenses.  Though she swears she was unaware of her spouse’s fraud and illicit schemes, it is clear from the flashbacks into their opulent life together that she just willed herself to ignore his transgressions – all of them.  After a breakdown and electric shock treatments (that she refers to as “Edison’s Medicine”), she has abandoned 5^th Avenue to bunk with her divorced sister in a small apartment in San Francisco.  She pops Xanax and gulps down vodka at a rate faster than Lindsey Lohan, still full of self-absorption and denial, lamenting the loss of her jewelry and her brief stint selling shoes to women who formerly came to her home for dinner parties – the poor thing.  There was little real comedy in this Allen offering, but Woody manages to make cogent comments on class differences, morality and the difficulty in finding a good man.  Blanchett is likely to be honored for her work in this movie, giving her Jasmine a haunted yet haughty mien.  Her husband may have stolen money, but Jasmine steals the show here.  3½ cans.

97.  Sleuth (1972) – Don’t watch this movie unless you are ready to pay strict attention to the sharp dialog and twisting plot.  Michael Caine goes to the home of a mystery writer, played by Sir Laurence Olivier, to ask for his wife’s hand in marriage.  But first, the writer concocts a complicated plot involving disguises, a break-in, theft and murder.  He loves games, as evidenced by the preponderance of toys and puzzles throughout his manor house and garden, and both the characters and the audience better be ready to play along.  This movie was adapted from a stage play, and feels a little confined, despite the size of the house in which it takes place. The characters are happy to play along with their own warped plans, and the viewers can only shake their heads at the clever path the story follows.  3½ cans.

98.  The Butler* (2013)  – A fictionalized account of the real life of a White House butler who served eight U.S. Presidents, “The Butler” blends the personal story of a man and his family with the tumultuous Civil Rights movement from the 1950s on.  Forest Whitaker portrays Cecil Gaines, a dignified man trained to be neither seen nor heard, but to merely serve, to anticipate needs and stand at the ready but to offer nothing more than whatever is on the silver tray.  Gaines understands his role and the demands on his time, even if his lonely wife Gloria (Oprah Winfrey should be in more movies – she’s really good here) feels overlooked.  His older son, Louis, is the bridge between the family story and the Civil Rights movement, as he leaves for college and becomes a Freedom Rider, a Black Panther and a politician whose activism meets with disapproval from his straight-laced father.  There are horrifying scenes of the treatment afforded black people in this country, from taunts to physical violence and lynchings.  This movie serves as a reminder of the chasm between the races in this country, between social classes and between countries, as it follows right into the Vietnam War.  Irony abounds, as Presidents Kennedy and Johnson espouse the need for racial equality while the black White House staff is paid less than the white staff and is supposed to be grateful for their jobs.  The presidents (and the first ladies) are played by a variety of well-known stars, from Robin Williams as Eisenhower to Alan Rickman as Reagan, with Jane Fonda, of all people, thrown in for a tasty bit as Nancy Reagan.  But this is not the presidents’ story.  It’s all about the butler, and when it comes to serving his country, you have to say, the butler did it well.  4 cans.

99.  Losing Chase* (1996) – The only thing that elevates this movie above the usual Lifetime fare is the cast – Helen Mirren as Chase and Kyra Sedgwick as Elizabeth.  Chase is a lonely and unhappy woman, saddled with a very nice husband (Beau Bridges) who she clearly doesn’t love.  She is recovering from a nervous breakdown with the assistance of Elizabeth, hired to be a mother’s helper.  She’s pretty miserable, lashing out at the kids and treating Elizabeth like the help – until she falls for the young woman.  The problem here is more than just the story – it’s the casting.  The always wonderful Mirren is too old for both Bridges and to be the mother of two young children.  Sedgwick is nowhere near young enough to be believable as a college student (or recent graduate).  The script is overwrought and ends abruptly.  I’d say somewhere along the line, we all lost Chase.  2 cans.

100.  Casting By* (2012) – Speaking of casting, this documentary underscores the critical role played by the casting director, whose instincts, understanding of the script and the director and connections with actors can lead to the success or failure of a movie or TV show.  Much of the movie is a tribute to Marian Dougherty, whose legendary career began by casting TV dramas in the 50s and continued both as independent casting director and the head of casting for Paramount and, later, Warner Brothers.  She was responsible for Jon Voight’s debut in “Midnight Cowboy” and handled all of Woody Allen’s movies until moving to Hollywood.  She was the first person in her profession to get a screen credit, and the first to get one as a single card, meaning her name and credit were alone on the screen.  The movie emphasizes the contributions people like Marian bring to a movie, despite the fact that the director generally gets the credit and is ultimately the one who makes the final decision on who plays what part.  I love all the behind the scenes stuff in show biz, so I relished the stories of John Travolta trying out for “Midnight Cowboy,” being turned down and ultimately winding up in TV’s “Welcome Back,” where he made is name as Vinnie Barbarino.  3½ cans.

101.  In the Shadow of the Moon (2007) – Only a few men have walked on the moon and lived to tell about it.  In this engrossing documentary, filled with spectacular images, the astronauts who have made that journey talk about its significance to them personally and to history.  Though Neil Armstrong was the first to set foot on the moon in 1969, he was not part of this film, but his calm demeanor and skill made him the perfect person to be the first man on the moon, according to his fellow space travelers.  They talk about how the experience changed them, about spirituality, and even show hijinks as they cavort where no man had never been before.  Will man ever get the chance to replicate their feats?  Who knows?  But until then, take it from the men who traveled where no man had ever been before and listen to their description of a truly unique experience.  3½ cans.

102.  Ted  Williams* (2013) – Ted Williams was the best hitter in the history of baseball.  A member of the Boston Red Sox from the 1930s to the 60s, he probably would hold the all-time hits record if not for two interruptions in his stellar career to serve as a Marine pilot in WWII and the Korean War.  Williams is the last big leaguer to hit .400 for the season, finishing at .406 in 1941 after passing up a chance to sit out the last game to protect his average.  That was also the year that Joe DiMaggio set the record for consecutive games with a hit (56) and beat out Teddy Ballgame for the MVP trophy.  This much I knew, being a baseball history aficionado.  What I learned is that Williams detested the baseball writers, barely tolerated the fans, refused to tip his hat, paid little or no attention to his various wives and children and preferred to be out fishing to doing anything else.  And I do recall the news – still unconfirmed – that his family had him frozen when he died, preserved in case the world needs another .400 hitter.  This HBO documentary didn’t shed much light on the iconoclastic Williams, but you have to give him credit for his significant achievements on the baseball diamond.  But as a man?  Not a very good guy.  2½ cans.

103.  Glickman* (2012 – If you grew up in the New York area in the 1950-60s as a fan of the football Giants or the Knicks, you know Marty Glickman, one of the pioneers of sports broadcasting.  This HBO profile credits Glickman with popularizing the Knicks and expanding the game of football with his coverage.  But he also cast a spotlight on high school football, did the radio broadcasts of the Jets (after WOR offered double what he was making to do the Giants games) and shared the craft he perfected with such well-known names as Marv Albert and Bob Costas as they got their starts.  Glickman himself was an accomplished athlete and qualified for the 1936 Olympics in Berlin.  Because he was a Jew, he was stopped from competing in the relay for which he had qualified.  Ironically, he and teammate Jesse Owens set a new world record in the event shortly after the games.  This HBO documentary also shows how Glickman helped HBO get started in its own sports coverage.  It is a heartfelt tribute to an accomplished athlete, broadcaster and man.  3 cans.

104.  The Usual Suspects* (1995) – You won’t believe it when I tell you I had never seen this movie.  I always wanted to, but somehow I never got around to it, until today.  It was worth the wait.  Intricately plotted, the story is about a group of five criminals who are hired to pull off a robbery on a ship and all but one perish in the act when the boat is doused with gas and set on fire.  They are a motley but cold-blooded crew, and their caper is told to the cops by Verbal (Kevin Spacey), the lone survivor.  He spins a tale about the roles of each man and the mob boss, a mysterious man named Keyser Soze, both feared and fearless.  I always worry that I won’t be able to figure out or follow the plot of this kind of movie.  The former was true – until the end – but following it was easy if you pay enough attention.  It is taut, violent, full of action and surprises and not usual in any way.  4 cans.

Inspect Her Gadgets

Recently in ShopRite I happened upon a plastic device designed solely for slicing bananas.  How ridiculous, I thought upon first glance.  Who can’t take the time to slice a banana?

But that got me thinking about the myriad of gadgets that I have bought, used, discarded, regretted and swore I couldn’t do without lo these many years of living on my own.  I mean, come on, who hasn’t succumbed in a weak moment to the late night infomercial for a sandwich maker or a NuWave Oven (so far, not me).  My most recent purchase – from QVC, a fine purveyor of gadgets – is a slicer that fits over a bowl (provided) that makes quick work of zucchini, tomatoes and strawberries.  That’s assuming you first cut these things into chunks small enough to fit into the slicer so it can make them even smaller.  But once I take out the cutting board and the knife, do I really need a slicer? 

For me, the accumulation of the gadgets began with repeated late night showings of the Boerner V-Slice infomercial.  For those of you who are actual cooks, this device can best be likened to a mandoline.  And it works on everything – including fingers.  I know this because, despite the printed warning on the sharpness of the V-Slicer, I managed to slice my pinky once anyway, necessitating a trip to the emergency room, accompanied by my concerned and somewhat disdainful sister.  Nonetheless, I love the V-Slicer, and am on my second one.  Nothing ever cleans up as well in real life as it does on TV, which is why I am on V 2.0.

And speaking of things that look much better on TV, let’s meet Vince and the SlapChop, which I have addressed in a previous blog entry.  Yes, you put veggies in it and get out your aggressions by pounding the top to chop the veggies, but the thing is so small that you really have to cut up the veggies first anyway, so why do you need the Slap Chop?  Since the blade is shaped like an extended W, the food gets caught in the angles of the blade, and cleaning the damn thing takes much longer than simply slicing the food with a knife.

For a while, pasta machines were all the rage, and, of course, I just HAD to have one of those.  I poured in the flour and water (paste, anyone?), selected one of the “dies” that you use to extrude the dough to form linguini, spaghetti and the like, and, before you can say, “This thing is impossible to clean,” you have flour all over the kitchen and a clump of pasta.  Taking it out of the Buitoni box is so much easier.  I used it once, and when I had to take a paper clip to poke the dried dough out of the die, I realized that this only looks easy on TV.  I sold it in a garage sale, though I felt guilty about foisting it on another unsuspecting gadget lover.

When I lived in a townhouse back in the 1980s, a local real estate agent would drop off all kinds of gadgets to generate business.  There were measuring cups and spoons, pasta portion measurers, bottle openers, things to use when draining liquid out of a bowl, citrus reamers, those rubber things you use to open jars – literally dozens of items that I referred to as “the Laura Sampson Collection” since they all came emblazoned with her name and number.  Some of these items came in handy – who doesn’t need a bottle opener, after all? – and many of them can be found in my “junk drawer” today, lying beside the turkey baster that gets used once a year, the little plastic thing that I can use to cut potatoes so they look like mushrooms (though I’m not sure why I thought that was a good idea in the first place), the egg and mushroom slicers (separate, but equal), and the little spiral thing that came with the original V-Slicer that I can use to turn a zucchini or cucumber into what looks like a Slinky (think about how important it is to have something like that).  Granted, some of these things haven’t been out of the drawer since my nephew so neatly arranged them when I moved into this house six years ago, but some – like the cheese grater – get used fairly often. 

I have particular admiration for the single-purpose devices that do their jobs exceedingly well.  You may not use a melon baller often, but try to get to make a piece of watermelon round without one.  Similarly, a grapefruit knife is designed solely for use in separating the membrane from the fruit, although I suppose you could extend its magical powers to sectioning oranges, too.  My mother had the best grapefruit knife ever, with a blade so thin that it cut expertly between sections.  When she passed away and we got rid of her kitchen stuff that we didn’t want, it never occurred to me that I should keep the grapefruit knife, and I have been mourning its loss ever since.  (Ironically, since I take Lipitor for high cholesterol, I am no longer allowed to eat grapefruit, so I miss the knife less now than I do eating grapefruit in general.)

I have a jar popper that I find indispensible for opening jelly, jam, pickles – basically anything that comes in a jar.  And I was recently introduced to the “bev hat,” a device that looks like a strainer but is designed to sit on the top of a glass to serve as a barrier between the bugs and the beverage.  

My junk drawer holds funnels, meat thermometers, chip clips, special dishes for corn on the cob (along with a little plastic guy who holds a stick of butter so you can butter the corn, and, of course little plastic corn cob holders), a garlic press and a plastic device that you use to stab a bagel and hold it so you can slice it without inflicting bodily harm.  At one time I had a bagel guillotine that I donated to the office to use on “Bagel Day” Fridays.  Marie Antoinette would have admired that one.  I have at least four vegetable peelers, three timers and a host of non-electric can openers (not to be confused with bottle openers), strainers and a few things whose missions now escape me.

Yet I continue to succumb to the intrigue of a new device when I see it on TV.  Hence, the “Pocket Hose.”  This is a hose that expands (supposedly up to 50 feet; if that’s 50 feet long, I am 6 feet tall) when you turn on the water and it contracts down to a very small, manageable size when you are done using it and turn the water off.  I used my first one (yes, the story is not over) and loved it, but when I turned on the water without first uncurling it, the pressure exploded the thin (and therefore, collapsible) plastic.  Undeterred – after all, this was my fault, I figured – I bought Pocket Hose #2.  Now, the plants and I get watered at the same time, because the cheap plastic nozzle springs leaks.  I tried switching back to the nozzle from the old one, but apparently the only way to avoid getting wet is to buy the Pocket Hose that comes with a metal nozzle (and costs more).  How much money do I want to throw away on hoses, I ask myself, already down $40? 

Some things work out well.  You’ve probably seen the Sham Wow cloths.  They are demonstrated on TV as the pitch man soaks up a bottle of soda from a carpet.  My Sham Wow cloths come in handy for soaking up water in the bottom of the hot tub or anywhere I find a pool of liquid.  You can wash them, but you can’t throw them into the dryer.  So instead of a wet floor, you end up with wet rags hanging everywhere to dry out.

Then, of course, there are the electric devices.  I have two George Foreman grills (one for hotdogs and one larger one that I use for, well, larger things), as well as the George Foreman Rotisserie.  Having grown up in a house with a rotisserie my mother frequently used, I thought this gadget (a gift) would come in handy.  However, it is enormous.  It takes up more counter space than the toaster oven and toaster put together.  And then, though George himself and Ron Popeil can get their chickens rolling just right, mine tend to flip and flop, wings going all akimbo and impeding the rotisserie motion.  Cleaning it is not quite as bad as cleaning that pasta machine, but I have to say it looks pretty good – sitting in its original box, from which it hasn’t emerged since I moved here in 2007.

A few years ago I just had to have a Rabbit wine bottle opener.  There’s something that will last forever, since it has yet to be opened.  The same is true for the ultrasonic jewelry cleaner, though I am tempted to haul it out and read the directions.  Any day now, Tina, any day now.

The moral of the story is that I need to resist temptation and stop collecting these time-saving devices that take too much time to use and clean.  These days, even my smartphone is smarter than I am.