I arrived at the Rutgers Athletic Center for a recent basketball game and offered up my purse to the security guard for a routine check. As he pawed through my possessions, the young man asked, “Do you have any small firearms?”
Aside from Charlie’s Angels, I don’t know a single woman who could extricate a gun from her purse – or even locate a gun IN her purse if she had one – in time to do herself any good in the event of a mugging or other situation where protection might be appropriate. I am not in favor of guns of any kind, but if I owned one, I would use it like Barney Fife – gun safely holstered on my hip and bullet securely stored in my pocket.
“No,” I answered the guard, rather taken aback. “Just coupons and lip quencher.” Hey, it’s not like I was carrying a cap for a bottle of water, for which I think Rutgers throws you in jail or, even worse, makes you repeat your freshman class in Western Civ. Once I had a bottle cap confiscated from my purse during one of these routine checks. I’ve probably been profiled ever since. If I turned up now with either a small firearm or a bottle cap, I’d probably be subjected to a strip search (not without dinner and a movie!).
When I recounted this tale to one of my fan friends, she said I just looked “suspicious.” On the contrary, to avoid profiling of any sort, if I am asked, everyone should be asked about carrying small firearms (and have their bottle caps confiscated, a situation you can mitigate by carrying one in your pocket, I’m told). Another friend told me about a woman she knows who was asked about carrying a bomb or explosive device at an airport screening. She made the wrong choice by attempting a humorous reply that she did have a bomb. Not so funny, declared the TSA team, who cleared the area, took her bag outside and detonated it. That woman with the poor judgment WAS my friend’s doctor, but she has since switched physicians. After all, you don’t really want your doctor to tell you that your test results came back and you are dying – oops, only kidding! That story makes me glad I reacted timidly to the RU security guard when asked about carrying small firearms and that I didn’t have a snappy rejoinder like, “No, my weapons are all outside in my car.”
Security makes me insecure. I worry about my image on a full body scan and whether the airport security staff will laugh. I worry about having my overstuffed bag opened and then having to repack it in time to make the flight. The way I pack, it could be an Olympic event, with time trails and everything. I worry that they will confiscate my mousse and my hair will be flat for the rest of my trip.
When I worked for Johnson & Johnson, there was a poster that instructed employees to be aware of their surroundings and, if they saw someone carrying something that looked suspicious, to report it. I was confounded by this request. First, everyone entering the building carts in all manner of bags. There are laptop cases, gym bags, the tote bag you use for your shoes and lunch, the bag carrying the leftover cheesecake you don’t want in your house so you bring it to the office – you get the idea. So how qualified would I be to determine what looks suspicious? And second, if I did want to report someone, how would I do it? Would I tell the person in my sternest voice to stay right there and don’t move because you look suspicious and I am reporting you? Would I sneak off to the security desk and stand on line behind three visitors and two people signing in because they forgot their ID badges while the alleged would-be perpetrator made his/her way through the building with a potentially deadly cheesecake? Should this be my responsibility?
I always though it was strange that Johnson & Johnson security wanted employees to pick up their guests visiting the building. If one of them had a gun or an explosive device, would you want me to disarm the person? I’m not sure my secretary should be responsible for the security of the Tower where top management has its offices. Besides, once in, a guest can wander around all day, as long as her/she wears the temporary security badge issued.
Ironically, now, when I return to J&J, they make me stand on line and sign in, even after showing them my official retiree card. It’s like I didn’t work there for 34 years, or everyone has forgotten me. So much for “gone, but not forgotten.”
And then there was the time my friend’s husband came to Johnson & Johnson for lunch. After spending 10 minutes chatting with him, asking about his grandchildren and how he was enjoying retirement, the security guard, before allowing him to enter the building, said, “Jack, I’m going to need to see some ID.” Really? You know his name and his grandchildren and you want ID? Wasn’t your conversation with him interrogation enough to prove it was really him? After all, he knew the names of the grandchildren, didn’t he?
And besides, it wasn’t like he was carrying a small firearm. Or a bottle cap.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Tina's Favorite Movies of 2010
2010 wasn't a great year for movies. Nothing really blew me away, although I enjoyed revisiting many old favorites. I have included on this Top 10 List only movies I had not seen before, even if they were old movies. Of the new movies, the first one I saw in 2010, "It's Complicated," was the funniest movie I saw all year. I'd give "Mao's Last Dancer" the nod for my favorite movie of the year, although I learned more from watching "The Art of the Steal" and "Waiting for Superman." Thank God for documentaries. Finally, in the last month of the year, the Holocaust doubleheader of "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" and "Sophie's Choice" stood out as moving and classic. So here's what you might want to consider for your NetFlix queue.
1. It’s Complicated (with
20. Standing in the Shadows of Motown (TV) – If Motown is the soundtrack of your youth, you’ve heard all the great musicians featured in this wonderful documentary about the Funk Brothers, the men behind the familiar hits by the Temptations, Four Tops, Martha Reeves, Stevie Wonder and many more. Largely unknown beyond the studios of
42. The Art of the Steal (TV on demand) – Dr. Albert Barnes was strictly an outsider to the Philadelphia establishment and art community that once scorned his collection of post-Impressionist and Modern art on display at the Barnes Foundation he built outside the city. The animosity was so real that Barnes stipulated in his will that the experience of seeing these masterpieces be done only in the building he built and designed for that purpose. Following his death and realizing the value of the collection – today estimated to be more than $25 billion – the power brokers tried for years to pry the collection away from its home and bring it downtown, where it could boost tourism and the coffers of the city. This enthralling tale is the best documentary I have seen since “The Rape of Europa,” an account of how the Nazis stole art from private collections and museums during World War II. The movies have a lot in common, except I think the Nazis actually appreciated the art in much the way Barnes did. 4½ cans.
80. The Kids Are All Right (in Montgomery with Dee and Angela) – Annette Bening is an uptight doctor with control issues and her partner, played by Julianne Moore, is a new age, middle aged woman looking for the right vibe – or something. When the kids in the title, an 18-year old daughter by Bening and a 15-year son named Laser by
95. Mao’s Last Dancer (@ Montgomery with Angela and Dee) – After a stop for lunch at a nearby Chinese restaurant, my pool pals and I passed up a glorious day to see what turned out to be a glorious film. This movie is based on the true story of Li Cunxin, a boy plucked out of his tiny, impoverished village by the Chinese government for special training. With years of hard work and determination, he grows into an accomplished ballet dancer who has an opportunity to study with the Houston Ballet. Young Li assimilates into the American culture rapidly, much to the consternation of the Chinese officials who decide he must return to
106. The Social Network (Manville, with Chris) – Ironically, the founder of Facebook, Marc Zuckerberg, is so socially inept (as portrayed in this movie) that the man who launched millions of friendships has nearly none of his own. According to the movie, Zuckerberg gets drunk after his girlfriend dumps him, and, holed up in his dorm room at Harvard, trashes her on the Internet. He then concocts a way to capture all of the “Facebook” images of fellow students to rate girls. His rampage becomes an instant hit and attracts the attention of three students working on a social networking site who seek out his computer skills. Zuckerberg morphs their idea into Facebook, leading to suits by them and by his best friend for acing him out of the company just as it explodes with success. The motto here is that you can have a million friends and still be a very lonely guy. Well played by all and written with his usual glibness by Aaron Sorkin. 4 cans.
116. Waiting for Superman (@Montgomery with Dee) – Even Superman is not enough to save the educational system in the
126. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (TV) – The horrors of the Holocaust hit ever closer to home in this view of WWII through the eyes of the 8-year-old son of a German commandant. When the family leaves
127. Sophie’s Choice (TV) – If you’re going to have Holocaust month at the movies, you might as well go all in with this classic, which I had never seen. Meryl Streep is a Polish refugee living with her American boyfriend (Kevin Kline) in a
131. The King’s Speech (@ Princeton, with Nancy and Hank) – Though she feared this story of the stammering King of England would be a British version of the Mel Tillis story, my favorite sister agreed to let it be our Christmas Day movie, extending a long tradition that has included everything from “The Godfather” to “Where Angels Go Trouble Follows” to “Dreamgirls.” She would tell you that the whole thing would have run 30 minutes if the poor King (Colin Firth) could just spit out the words. Of course, the fact that the film broke twice (just as King Edward was about to abdicate) merely extended the time and the frustration – in her eyes. The story was interesting, the acting first rate, but I would have to agree it was trying to hear him trying and trying to speak. So much for the King’s English. Geoffrey Rush as the speech coach (with a face that only Mrs. Potato Head could love) becomes more of a therapist and friend than merely a coach. His exchanges with the recalcitrant King bring welcome humor to an otherwise drawn-out period piece. At the end, we kept waiting for Porky Pig to pop out on the screen and declare with his own stammer, “That’s all folks.” 4 cans from me (
Tina's December Movies 2010
My movies this month ranged from horrifying to heroic, with some good old ones and some good new ones. All in all, not a bad way to end the year. Stay tuned for my list of the best movies of 2010.
Numbering picks up from last month.
123. Unstoppable (@Hillsborough with Dee & Sheila) – Denzel Washington and Chris Pine have an interesting first day working together as the engineer and conductor on a freight train assignment that starts out slowly and ends up with them trying to stop a runaway train in its tracks. Based on a true story, the unmanned train hurtles through the Pennsylvania countryside, threatening the small towns in its path with both speed and its highly combustible cargo. As a former PR professional in a major corporation, I must admit some eyebrow raising over the stereotypical portrayal of corporate stupidity, particularly with the CEO handling the call about the potential disaster while on the golf course. I'm hoping that some dramatic license applies here, because it is hard to believe that the railroad employees could be either that idiotic or that heroic. If you are looking for a relaxing time at the movies, please miss this train. But if you like heart-stopping action, all aboard! 4 cans.
124. The Man From Snowy River (TV) – This western (as in Western Australia) really isn’t about a man but about a young man facing life on the rugged plains of Australia without his father, killed by stampeding horses. He hires on as a hand on the ranch of American Kirk Douglas, in a dual role as a rancher and a miner who befriends the young man. This is not the kind of movie I like, but it isn’t a bad movie. There’s just not much in it to admire beyond the typical cowboy stereotypes (ridin’ and ropin’ and drinkin’ and the young man growing up nobly). I don’t think that wild horses – which play a prominent role throughout the film – could drag me into seeing it again. 2½ cans.
125. Young @ Heart (TV) – My father always said that you are only as old as you feel. In this engaging documentary, a group of senior citizens may feel old, but performing in a Northampton, Massachusetts, choral group called Young @ Heart keeps them young and active. Group leader Bob Silman challenges them with contemporary tunes from Sonic Youth, James Brown and the Pointer Sisters, and, while it takes them a bit longer to master the lyrics that it might have 50 years ago, they get it down and make it funky. This movie demonstrates the importance of having a purpose, of loving what you do and of having the support of friends, especially as you age. The show must go on. I think my father would have liked this movie. I know I did. 4½ cans.
126. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (TV) – The horrors of the Holocaust hit ever closer to home in this view of WWII through the eyes of the 8-year-old son of a German commandant. When the family leaves Berlin for the father’s new assignment in “the countryside,” the boy leaves behind his friends and wants to explore the nearby “farm.” He encounters an 8-year-old Jewish boy in what is not a farm at all, but a concentration camp run by his father. Despite the barbed wire between them, the two boys strike up a friendship with frequent visits and snacks provided by the German. Young and naïve, he doesn’t see the evil referred to by others in Jews, and he plots to help his friend. The pace quickens considerably at the end of the movie, as the family frantically searches for their little lost boy. Harrowing and moving, this film gives a new perspective to evil. 4½ cans.
127. Sophie’s Choice (TV) – If you’re going to have Holocaust month at the movies, you might as well go all in with this classic, which I had never seen. Meryl Streep is a Polish refugee living with her American boyfriend (Kevin Kline) in a Brooklyn boarding house when aspiring Southern author Peter McNichol moves in to form a friendly threesome. Her very existence has resulted from a series of choices, and she has secrets she cannot bring herself to share. Streep won the Oscar for her role here, and she really demonstrates her ability to become the character she portrays. In Brooklyn, she lives an almost normal life, trying desperately not to let her past overtake her future. In the scenes depicting her experiences in a concentration camp she is thin and frail, her skin nearly transparent and her eyes sunken and scared. The secrets and the realities are too much for anyone to bear. I don’t know how I managed to miss this movie for all of these years (it came out in 1982), but it was worth the wait. 5 cans. And I never want to see it again.
128. The Leopards Take Manhattan (HBO) – A welcome break from the Holocaust movies, this short HBO documentary is the counterpoint to “Young @ Heart.” Here a group of preteen percussionists from Louisville are put through their paces by devoted Diana Downs, a music teacher with an unconventional approach. You don’t have to know how to read music to be a Leopard. You just have to be willing to listen, to learn and to share, as each student begins to understand his or her part and works with another student to pass it along. We get to see an enormously appealing and diverse group of enthusiastic kids taking their first airplane trip, racing over the Brooklyn Bridge and falling on the ice at Rockefeller Center as they experience New York while in town to participate in a jazz concert. If you have HBO and a half an hour, you really should watch this movie. It is joyous. 4½ cans (5 if it had been longer).
129. The Black Swan (Montgomery with Dee and Angela) – Dear Tina: You know all those macabre movies (like “Psycho,” “The Shining” and “Carrie”) that you wisely avoided all these years? You should have listened to your instincts and missed this one, too (hey, if Natalie Portman can “wrestle” with two personalities, I can talk to myself). This movie is director Darren Aronofsky’s (“The Wrestler”) bizarre ballet, featuring fantasy, paranoia and a pencil-thin cast of real characters, headed by Portman in a role bound to get her an Oscar nomination. Barbara Hershey as her live-in Mom trumps any Mama Rose stage mother ever seen. I’m only grateful that my favorite sister was not along for this jaunt to Crazytown. You’d now have to take me kicking and screaming to see Swan Lake. 3½ cans for the art of the movie, but I wanted to walk out about 10 times. As Mom used to say, “Whatever happened to Andy Hardy?” Indeed.
130. A Christmas Story (TV) – After a harrowing turn with “The Black Swan,” this movie provided welcomed relief. For this Jewish girl, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without this Jean Shepherd classic. A wacky family, a tongue stuck to a metal pole, a pack of turkey-eating dogs, a leg-shaped lamp and a boy and his BB gun combine to ensure Happy Horidays for all. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra. 4 cans and a roasted duck.
131. The King’s Speech (@ Princeton, with Nancy and Hank) – Though she feared this story of the stammering King of England would be a British version of the Mel Tillis story, my favorite sister agreed to let it be our Christmas Day movie, extending a long tradition that has included everything from “The Godfather” to “Where Angels Go Trouble Follows” to “Dreamgirls.” She would tell you that the whole thing would have run 30 minutes if the poor King (Colin Firth) could just spit out the words. Of course, the fact that the film broke twice (just as King Edward was about to abdicate) merely extended the time and the frustration – in her eyes. The story was interesting, the acting first rate, but I would have to agree it was trying to hear him trying and trying to speak. So much for the King’s English. Geoffrey Rush as the speech coach (with a face that only Mrs. Potato Head could love) becomes more of a therapist and friend than merely a coach. His exchanges with the recalcitrant King bring welcome humor to an otherwise drawn-out period piece. At the end, we kept waiting for Porky Pig to pop out on the screen and declare with his own stammer, “That’s all folks.” 4 cans from me (Nan grants a mere 3, being generous, she says), maybe more if we had seen every scene, but maybe not, either.
132. Field of Dreams (TV) – This movie is director Phil Alden Robinson’s elegant elegy to the power of a dream, to the relationship between a father and his son and to the beauty that is baseball. Would-be farmer Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) plows under his Iowa cornfield to create his own baseball field after he hears a voice telling him, “If you build it he will come.” Luckily for him, he has an extremely understanding wife (the feisty Amy Madigan) who supports his strange but compelling need for this private field of dreams. One by one, led by Shoeless Joe Jackson, old-time ballplayers come by and play for Ray. An odd odyssey, this beautiful film is moving and poetic. 4 cans.
133. Tin Men (TV) – If you like director Barry Levinson’s “Diner,” you’ll like “Tin Men.” Ordinary men, all of whom sell aluminum siding, hang out at a diner and a nightclub, have inane conversations about topics like the lack of realism on “Bonanza,” and plot ways to con homeowners into buying aluminum siding, whether they need it or not. One day slick Richard Dreyfus pulls his brand new Cadillac out of the dealership when the car is hit by Danny DeVito. Each man vows vengeance on the other, with their actions escalating until Dreyfus woos DeVito’s wife. DeVito, on a losing streak, is hounded by the IRS and his boss and faces the Home Improvement Commission for his deceptive sales practices, so losing his wife is the least of his troubles. Not a great but an amusing movie, “Tin Men” cons its way into your heart. 3½ cans. And they’ll throw in storm windows if I up that to 4 cans.
134. Finding Nemo (TV) – I found Pixar’s animated feature clever but a bit drawn-out. It didn’t help that I watched it over a three-day period on a channel with commercials. But at least I found Nemo at last. 3 cans, though the characters might object to the whole tuna scale.
135. Guarding Tess (TV) – Shirley MacLaine plays Tess Carlisle, feisty former First Lady and first class pain-in-the-ass to Secret Service Agent Doug (Nicholas Cage), who heads her security detail. She never goes anywhere and treats the agents like waiters and servants, yet she won’t allow poor Doug to return to Washington for a more interesting assignment. The beloved First Lady isn’t even beliked by the men who guard her, but somehow she and Doug finally connect. A contrived plot, and Cage – not my favorite actor by far – looks like he has indigestion for most of the movie, but it has a kind of sweet ending. 3 cans.
136. The Fighter (in Hillsborough w/ Hank) – With a crack-smoking brother as his trainer, a shellacked-hair mother managing him and a Greek chorus of white trash sisters bugging him, boxer Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) has more battles outside the ring than inside. He hooks up with barmaid Charlene, a tough talking chick played by Amy Adams in a role decidedly different from her turns in “Enchanted” and as a nun in “Doubt.” With her encouragement and the help of a jail term for spaced out brother Dicky, Micky finally sees some success in the ring. When Dicky’s time is up and he and Carmela Soprano (that’s who Melissa Leo most resembles in her role as the mother-manager) want back into Micky’s life, the real battle begins. Wahlberg sacrifices his body and most of the good lines here, with Christian Bale as daffy Dicky nearly stealing the show. I never thought I’d see a boxing movie without enough ring time, but “The Fighter” almost makes the boxing look easier than life outside the ring. 4 cans.
137. Pirate Radio (HBO) – When the BBC bans rock music broadcasts in the 1960s, the alternative for a bunch of music-loving DJs is to spin The Who, the Hollies and Hendrix from a boat off-shore called Radio Rock. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is the only American amid the motley crew of British musical renegades, battling – literally – top stay afloat while mean government guy Kenneth Branaugh tries to silence them. Quirky and endearing, and with an ending that is nearly an homage to “Titanic,” this movie rocks. 3½ cans.
Numbering picks up from last month.
123. Unstoppable (@Hillsborough with Dee & Sheila) – Denzel Washington and Chris Pine have an interesting first day working together as the engineer and conductor on a freight train assignment that starts out slowly and ends up with them trying to stop a runaway train in its tracks. Based on a true story, the unmanned train hurtles through the Pennsylvania countryside, threatening the small towns in its path with both speed and its highly combustible cargo. As a former PR professional in a major corporation, I must admit some eyebrow raising over the stereotypical portrayal of corporate stupidity, particularly with the CEO handling the call about the potential disaster while on the golf course. I'm hoping that some dramatic license applies here, because it is hard to believe that the railroad employees could be either that idiotic or that heroic. If you are looking for a relaxing time at the movies, please miss this train. But if you like heart-stopping action, all aboard! 4 cans.
124. The Man From Snowy River (TV) – This western (as in Western Australia) really isn’t about a man but about a young man facing life on the rugged plains of Australia without his father, killed by stampeding horses. He hires on as a hand on the ranch of American Kirk Douglas, in a dual role as a rancher and a miner who befriends the young man. This is not the kind of movie I like, but it isn’t a bad movie. There’s just not much in it to admire beyond the typical cowboy stereotypes (ridin’ and ropin’ and drinkin’ and the young man growing up nobly). I don’t think that wild horses – which play a prominent role throughout the film – could drag me into seeing it again. 2½ cans.
125. Young @ Heart (TV) – My father always said that you are only as old as you feel. In this engaging documentary, a group of senior citizens may feel old, but performing in a Northampton, Massachusetts, choral group called Young @ Heart keeps them young and active. Group leader Bob Silman challenges them with contemporary tunes from Sonic Youth, James Brown and the Pointer Sisters, and, while it takes them a bit longer to master the lyrics that it might have 50 years ago, they get it down and make it funky. This movie demonstrates the importance of having a purpose, of loving what you do and of having the support of friends, especially as you age. The show must go on. I think my father would have liked this movie. I know I did. 4½ cans.
126. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (TV) – The horrors of the Holocaust hit ever closer to home in this view of WWII through the eyes of the 8-year-old son of a German commandant. When the family leaves Berlin for the father’s new assignment in “the countryside,” the boy leaves behind his friends and wants to explore the nearby “farm.” He encounters an 8-year-old Jewish boy in what is not a farm at all, but a concentration camp run by his father. Despite the barbed wire between them, the two boys strike up a friendship with frequent visits and snacks provided by the German. Young and naïve, he doesn’t see the evil referred to by others in Jews, and he plots to help his friend. The pace quickens considerably at the end of the movie, as the family frantically searches for their little lost boy. Harrowing and moving, this film gives a new perspective to evil. 4½ cans.
127. Sophie’s Choice (TV) – If you’re going to have Holocaust month at the movies, you might as well go all in with this classic, which I had never seen. Meryl Streep is a Polish refugee living with her American boyfriend (Kevin Kline) in a Brooklyn boarding house when aspiring Southern author Peter McNichol moves in to form a friendly threesome. Her very existence has resulted from a series of choices, and she has secrets she cannot bring herself to share. Streep won the Oscar for her role here, and she really demonstrates her ability to become the character she portrays. In Brooklyn, she lives an almost normal life, trying desperately not to let her past overtake her future. In the scenes depicting her experiences in a concentration camp she is thin and frail, her skin nearly transparent and her eyes sunken and scared. The secrets and the realities are too much for anyone to bear. I don’t know how I managed to miss this movie for all of these years (it came out in 1982), but it was worth the wait. 5 cans. And I never want to see it again.
128. The Leopards Take Manhattan (HBO) – A welcome break from the Holocaust movies, this short HBO documentary is the counterpoint to “Young @ Heart.” Here a group of preteen percussionists from Louisville are put through their paces by devoted Diana Downs, a music teacher with an unconventional approach. You don’t have to know how to read music to be a Leopard. You just have to be willing to listen, to learn and to share, as each student begins to understand his or her part and works with another student to pass it along. We get to see an enormously appealing and diverse group of enthusiastic kids taking their first airplane trip, racing over the Brooklyn Bridge and falling on the ice at Rockefeller Center as they experience New York while in town to participate in a jazz concert. If you have HBO and a half an hour, you really should watch this movie. It is joyous. 4½ cans (5 if it had been longer).
129. The Black Swan (Montgomery with Dee and Angela) – Dear Tina: You know all those macabre movies (like “Psycho,” “The Shining” and “Carrie”) that you wisely avoided all these years? You should have listened to your instincts and missed this one, too (hey, if Natalie Portman can “wrestle” with two personalities, I can talk to myself). This movie is director Darren Aronofsky’s (“The Wrestler”) bizarre ballet, featuring fantasy, paranoia and a pencil-thin cast of real characters, headed by Portman in a role bound to get her an Oscar nomination. Barbara Hershey as her live-in Mom trumps any Mama Rose stage mother ever seen. I’m only grateful that my favorite sister was not along for this jaunt to Crazytown. You’d now have to take me kicking and screaming to see Swan Lake. 3½ cans for the art of the movie, but I wanted to walk out about 10 times. As Mom used to say, “Whatever happened to Andy Hardy?” Indeed.
130. A Christmas Story (TV) – After a harrowing turn with “The Black Swan,” this movie provided welcomed relief. For this Jewish girl, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without this Jean Shepherd classic. A wacky family, a tongue stuck to a metal pole, a pack of turkey-eating dogs, a leg-shaped lamp and a boy and his BB gun combine to ensure Happy Horidays for all. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra. 4 cans and a roasted duck.
131. The King’s Speech (@ Princeton, with Nancy and Hank) – Though she feared this story of the stammering King of England would be a British version of the Mel Tillis story, my favorite sister agreed to let it be our Christmas Day movie, extending a long tradition that has included everything from “The Godfather” to “Where Angels Go Trouble Follows” to “Dreamgirls.” She would tell you that the whole thing would have run 30 minutes if the poor King (Colin Firth) could just spit out the words. Of course, the fact that the film broke twice (just as King Edward was about to abdicate) merely extended the time and the frustration – in her eyes. The story was interesting, the acting first rate, but I would have to agree it was trying to hear him trying and trying to speak. So much for the King’s English. Geoffrey Rush as the speech coach (with a face that only Mrs. Potato Head could love) becomes more of a therapist and friend than merely a coach. His exchanges with the recalcitrant King bring welcome humor to an otherwise drawn-out period piece. At the end, we kept waiting for Porky Pig to pop out on the screen and declare with his own stammer, “That’s all folks.” 4 cans from me (Nan grants a mere 3, being generous, she says), maybe more if we had seen every scene, but maybe not, either.
132. Field of Dreams (TV) – This movie is director Phil Alden Robinson’s elegant elegy to the power of a dream, to the relationship between a father and his son and to the beauty that is baseball. Would-be farmer Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) plows under his Iowa cornfield to create his own baseball field after he hears a voice telling him, “If you build it he will come.” Luckily for him, he has an extremely understanding wife (the feisty Amy Madigan) who supports his strange but compelling need for this private field of dreams. One by one, led by Shoeless Joe Jackson, old-time ballplayers come by and play for Ray. An odd odyssey, this beautiful film is moving and poetic. 4 cans.
133. Tin Men (TV) – If you like director Barry Levinson’s “Diner,” you’ll like “Tin Men.” Ordinary men, all of whom sell aluminum siding, hang out at a diner and a nightclub, have inane conversations about topics like the lack of realism on “Bonanza,” and plot ways to con homeowners into buying aluminum siding, whether they need it or not. One day slick Richard Dreyfus pulls his brand new Cadillac out of the dealership when the car is hit by Danny DeVito. Each man vows vengeance on the other, with their actions escalating until Dreyfus woos DeVito’s wife. DeVito, on a losing streak, is hounded by the IRS and his boss and faces the Home Improvement Commission for his deceptive sales practices, so losing his wife is the least of his troubles. Not a great but an amusing movie, “Tin Men” cons its way into your heart. 3½ cans. And they’ll throw in storm windows if I up that to 4 cans.
134. Finding Nemo (TV) – I found Pixar’s animated feature clever but a bit drawn-out. It didn’t help that I watched it over a three-day period on a channel with commercials. But at least I found Nemo at last. 3 cans, though the characters might object to the whole tuna scale.
135. Guarding Tess (TV) – Shirley MacLaine plays Tess Carlisle, feisty former First Lady and first class pain-in-the-ass to Secret Service Agent Doug (Nicholas Cage), who heads her security detail. She never goes anywhere and treats the agents like waiters and servants, yet she won’t allow poor Doug to return to Washington for a more interesting assignment. The beloved First Lady isn’t even beliked by the men who guard her, but somehow she and Doug finally connect. A contrived plot, and Cage – not my favorite actor by far – looks like he has indigestion for most of the movie, but it has a kind of sweet ending. 3 cans.
136. The Fighter (in Hillsborough w/ Hank) – With a crack-smoking brother as his trainer, a shellacked-hair mother managing him and a Greek chorus of white trash sisters bugging him, boxer Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) has more battles outside the ring than inside. He hooks up with barmaid Charlene, a tough talking chick played by Amy Adams in a role decidedly different from her turns in “Enchanted” and as a nun in “Doubt.” With her encouragement and the help of a jail term for spaced out brother Dicky, Micky finally sees some success in the ring. When Dicky’s time is up and he and Carmela Soprano (that’s who Melissa Leo most resembles in her role as the mother-manager) want back into Micky’s life, the real battle begins. Wahlberg sacrifices his body and most of the good lines here, with Christian Bale as daffy Dicky nearly stealing the show. I never thought I’d see a boxing movie without enough ring time, but “The Fighter” almost makes the boxing look easier than life outside the ring. 4 cans.
137. Pirate Radio (HBO) – When the BBC bans rock music broadcasts in the 1960s, the alternative for a bunch of music-loving DJs is to spin The Who, the Hollies and Hendrix from a boat off-shore called Radio Rock. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is the only American amid the motley crew of British musical renegades, battling – literally – top stay afloat while mean government guy Kenneth Branaugh tries to silence them. Quirky and endearing, and with an ending that is nearly an homage to “Titanic,” this movie rocks. 3½ cans.
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